Customers Suck!

Dragonflygrrl

Quick Question Guy.

This is the guy that walks up to an obviously busy sales rep who is currently helping someone else, says, "I just have a quick question," and proceeds to ramble for thirty minutes about nothing in particular while the customer whose turn it actually is does a slow burn. I never even answer the quickest of questions anymore. If it isn't your turn, you will wait for it to be your turn, then I will answer any question you want.

Knows How Sales Work Guy.

This is the guy that acts like he has an innate understanding of sales, and every time you try to suggest an accessory or plan add-on that would benefit him says, "Hey there, quit trying to sell me!" and smiles like he knows your secret. My secret is that I hate you. I'm bad at keeping secrets. Buy, don't buy, get out of my face with that smug grin. 

Blinded by the Sales Rack Guy.

This guy comes in needing a case for his phone, and tries vainly to force his new, current-model phone into a case that is clearanced at $2 because we don't make that phone anymore. Heaven forbid you buy the one that fits for $10!

I Don't Want to Spend a Lot Guy.

This is the guy that obviously wants a nice, high end phone, but in an effort to save money decides to go with a free phone that he will come to despise. I know it, he knows it, everybody knows it, but nonetheless he is feeling virtuous today and will have the free phone. He will then attempt to return it after the return period is over.

Not Smart Enough for a PDA Guy.

This guy is too stupid to understand a BlackBerry, has no earthly use for a BlackBerry, and will never, ever, be able to figure out how to pair a Bluetooth headset to his BlackBerry. Nonetheless, he is bound and determined to own one. He will be back at least fifteen times because his BlackBerry "doesn't work," and finally will attempt to return it at least three weeks after the return period ends, even though he has been informed on his fifteen previous visits that the return period ends in x days. He will then swear in an angry (and dumb) rage to never set foot in our store again, but don't believe him. He'll be back, and this time he'll want the new smart phone.

Ducky

The PhD holder.

Tries to get lower price or extreme adjustments etc just because they have a PhD.

The Spouse from Hell.

Calls up claiming to be her husband or his wife, blissfully ignoring the rules about privacy and information disclosure.

HawaiianShirts

The Idiot Savant.

They know nothing about the product they want until you show it to them or explain that it doesn't exist. Then they're suddenly experts on the subject and certain that what you've shown them isn't what they want, or what you said doesn't exist really does and you don't know what you're talking about.

The Telepaths.

These give you a crumb of information about what they want and expect you to figure out the rest. Example: "I want to upgrade my computer… (expectant silence for five minutes)."

The Fashionably Late.

On a good day, these show up about five minutes before closing and expect full service. Usually, however, they show up five minutes AFTER closing at the earliest and still expect full service.

The Desperately Early.

They show up half an hour before the store opens and do one of two things. One: they demand you open early and sell them what they want; or, Two: they demand you open early and (assuming management decides to open early) wander aimlessly around the store without making a purchase.

The Deliberately Deaf.

They ask questions. Intelligent and usually friendly questions. But when you start to answer, they cut you off with other questions, only to ask the same questions later and complain that they don't understand what's going on.

Phone Shopper, Type A.

They call the store, typically at the busiest time of day, and ask twenty minutes worth of questions, expecting the same service they would get if they were really in the store. These often mutate into the Paris Hilton strain of Sucky Customer.

Phone Shopper, Type B.

This is the escalated form of The Blatherer. This person does not trust salespeople or is too shy to talk to them. He or she comes in to a store to purchase a product he or she knows little or nothing about, then calls a friend on the cell phone. They will spend hours on the phone with said friend, wandering through the store trying to figure out which product to get. This is especially bothersome when the salesperson can overhear the conversation and knows within minutes EXACTLY which product to recommend.