Customers Suck!

Mark Healey

The Haggler.

This guy tries to get a discount on everything. I've had people try to haggle on a U.$5.00 paperback. Some of these people just ask reflexively before even looking at the price. For some reason they all seem to be from New York or third world countries.

The Parking Scammer.

They want validation just for walking into the store. When told that there has there has to be some kind of transaction they come out with the "I'm a regular customer", and of course it's the first time you've seen them.

The Corporate Devil Woman.

She makes a lot of money doing something completely non productive consequently she thinks she is entitled to all your attention and abject subservience.

The Brood Mare.

Thinks that the fact that she has spawned means she doesn't have to consider anyone other than her kids.

The Lost Boy/Girl.

Expects you to find everything for them. Phrases like "They are sorted by authors last name." mean nothing to them.

Mr Lonelyheart.

A lonely person who insist on hanging in the store and engaging you in conversation about his weird obsession.

Mr. Validate My Purchase.

Wants you to tell them how smart they are for buying what they just bought. Of course you can't tell them that Fung Shui is crap and Oswald acted alone.

The Change Granny.

Why do old ladies always carry insane amounts of change and insist on giving me exact change when I know that the only way she could have accumulated it all was by paying with notes elsewhere?

Lawyers.

Is there any other vocational degree that makes people think that they are experts on everything?

One-Fang

Madam Forgetful

Manifests in several behaviours including but not limited to: always brings in items to return, never has a receipt, despite being told every single week she needs one; brings expired coupons every single week and waits while the checkout operator has to go through every single one to weed them down; asks about product X, then product Y, mmm, and how about product X?

Mean Bastard

Literally just gets his jollies making physically small women and new staff cry. Probably has some kind of bad life, and chooses to take this out on complete strangers, but only those who can't defend themselves.

And Man

Keeps making statements to which you just want to say "..and?", like "Other store has this cheaper" or "I want completely ridiculous over-the-top service that you don't even offer or I'm going to your competitor" or "I know your manager".