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ArenaBoy
06-29-2007, 04:48 AM
A chronicle of a trip to the mall I had to make today. Ordinarily I try to avoid malls as much as possible unless it's something I am having a hard time finding. I usually expect 25% idiocy out there but I got 150% idiocy for the 30 minutes I was in there. I had to go to the mall to get some software from the Apple store.

From the beginning:

Getting into the parking lot, I see that more spaces than usual are taken up on a weekday. Of course, the weekend is near and some people are starting their vacation early (4th of July for those around the world). People are jumping out in front of me suddenly and cars cutting me off. Takes me a good 5 minutes to find a spot, half of them are taken up by a car that just has to cross-over so they can proclaim their "inadequacies".

I walk into the mall, people shoving me left and right. I'm walking towards my destination when I had to sidestep an idiot on his phone oblivious that he was about to walk into the fountain 50 feet away.

Walk into Apple store, I find what I need. I get in line to pay, some yuppie soccer mom tries to cut in front of me but I tell her no way. Calls me a punk and says I don't show respect to adults. "I don't respect adults who try to cut in line and make jerks out of themselves." She's flustered and walks off.

I pay and decide to get some tea, I walk into the Starbucks near the exit and get in line. The guy in front of me is taking 5 minutes to order a simple drink, he's mulling over it as if he can only pick between the Holy Grail or every Da Vinci painting ever created. I get my tea and walk out, nearly getting run over by some kid on those !@&*^$@^&$*@ heelies.

As I walk out, I notice that I've got a car following me and he's being a parking space vulture. There are loads of empty spots available but he fails to notice. I decide to have some mental fun with him. I have a ipod that I bought primarily for my car as I have about 8 days worth of music on it so it'd be easy to cycle through my music easily. I decide to make a VERY big deal of choosing a song. The guy is getting annoyed and honks his horn, like I said plenty of open spaces that were closer than mine. I open my window and point towards the mall implying that there are spaces that are closer. He's having none of it. After a minute of so he drives off showing me the one finger salute. I grin. Gets a nutcase away from me.

I get out of my spot and go to the exit. On the way out there is a brand new SUV taking up the aisle and stopped in the middle of it. I then see two girls who looked to be in high school walking up to it. (NO NOT WHAT YOU THINK! ;)) They start talking to the driver of the SUV. Frustrated, I start to go slowly along the driver's side of the SUV and beep the horn just to warn them of the oncoming onslaught of angry drivers that tend to gather in a mall parking lot that are behind me. As I pass by I get a good look at the driver. He looks like a airhead. Too much gel in the hair, and he looks like he's freaking 10. And he's driving a brand new car which I think his parents bought for him. Getting out after that I had to contend with one dumb pedestrian, a man on his phone (again), and a tailgater.

And that is why I hate malls, idiocy everywhere.

myswtghst
06-29-2007, 04:53 AM
Try living near one of the biggest malls in the country. If you don't count all the rides and such, I believe I've been told that Woodfield is actually bigger than the Mall of America, in shopping space. Still not sure I believe that, but it is huge. And across the street from that, we have IKEA. Joy.

I tend to only go over there during the week before work, if I can make it, as it is more crazy than insane. On the weekends, you basically have to drive around for a half hour to get a space anywhere near the mall. When I worked there at XMas time, I had to go to work an hour early to either get a space or to walk from across the street. :p

mariamousie1
06-29-2007, 11:28 AM
I like the part about the guy following you because he wants your space. Anybody remember Jerry Seinfeld talking about this? He said it's fun because you run faster, he'll go faster. Make a sharp right turn, smash him into a wall. Weave back and forth, he gets pulled over for drunk driving. :lol:

Becks
06-29-2007, 03:41 PM
I'm walking towards my destination when I had to sidestep an idiot on his phone oblivious that he was about to walk into the fountain 50 feet away.

And you didn't stay to watch the exciting conclusion?

I get in line to pay, some yuppie soccer mom tries to cut in front of me but I tell her no way. Calls me a punk and says I don't show respect to adults. "I don't respect adults who try to cut in line and make jerks out of themselves." She's flustered and walks off.

:worship: :yourock: That's awesome!!!

Gawdzillers
06-29-2007, 07:18 PM
Lol.
The mall my parents and I frequent is a tourist mall, and I didn't even know.
I thought it was just a damn cool mall with a movie theater, several nice restaurants, and some nice modern art inside (a giant needle and thread? Kick ass!).

Nope, it's where out-of-towners flock and be retarded (no sightings of this, but I'm assuming.) And I figured it out all by myself. I just had to look at the facts.
Right by the airport and the fanciest hotel in town, plus it's by a crapload of wax museums*, etc.

For any of you in Nashville, it's the Opry Mills Mall.


*There's a tourist attracton based on the Dukes Of Hazzard called "Cooter's".
I wish I were making this up.

BookstoreEscapee
06-30-2007, 07:00 PM
Walk into Apple store, I find what I need. I get in line to pay, some yuppie soccer mom tries to cut in front of me but I tell her no way. Calls me a punk and says I don't show respect to adults.

Well, you're over 18 so you are also an adult. Next time tell her she should show some respect to adults too.

Right by the airport and the fanciest hotel in town,

Yeah, because when I can afford to stay at the fanciest hotel in town, I wanna go to the Mall!

My mall isn't nearly that big but I avoid it whenever possible. I'd rather drive the 20-30 minutes to the Old Navy near Store2 (bonus: I stop in to say hi to my friends) than go to the mall that's 10 minutes from my house. Plus there's all kinds of construction at the mall: they're putting in Borders, Cheesecake Factory (OK, I'm looking forward to that one...) and I don't even know what else.