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Gravekeeper
08-23-2007, 03:44 PM
Gah, coworker bailed at the last moment last night. He was planning on vacation but called in and basically said his ride to Calgary was leaving NOW rather then at the end of the week. So no way could he come in.

Thus I was alone last night....normally I operate on 50% stupidity as this is a two person shift. But by myself I get 100% of the stupidity.. ><




Fashion Trends

Over the last 2 days I have seen 4 guys wearing leather miniskirts. Always at night and always around a 7/11. Both downtown and out in Burnaby. So….my question is: Did I miss a meeting? I wasn't aware this was fashionable for guys now. Because if it is I *seriously* need to shave my legs to get ready. Cus its like Sasquatch down there, I swear.



I Can't Believe I Did This...

Caller gave me his last name. I typed it in and went about my merry way in the script. Then I glanced back a few seconds later and I seriously had typed in "Asshat" for his last name instead. Thank God I double check everything when I take calls. Still, this is a bad sign. I'm mocking callers subconsciously now.



Abort, Abort

SC: "Yeah, I have an appointment tomorrow for my pap smear-"

Stop! Stop right there! I have shattered the glass on the Too Much Information Emergency Stop cabinet and am hammering the button wildly. Cease and desist. I do not require any more information then that. I did not even require that much information to begin with. A simple "I have an appointment tomorrow" would have been fine. Please do not elaborate on the details of whatever routine structural maintenance is being performed on your south regional girl tunnels. Or indeed any other plans you have made for your cootie terminal station.



The Parkade(tm)

SC: "My car is trapped in the parkade!"

Your problem, like many before, is destined to be sucked into the vast, murky Bermuda triangle that is my uncaring. Where it will mysteriously vanish never to be heard from again. Life will move on and no one will remember anything about your problem except for a small group of psychotic conspiracy theorists on the Internet who can't log onto the chat room unless they've wrapped their computer in tin foil to prevent their "wigabits" from being intercepted by the Illuminati.


The Parkade(tm): Round 2
( Same guy, calling again )

SC: "What time does the parkade open again in the morning?"
Me: "I'm not sure, I don't have hours listed for it. Were the parkade hours listed on the sign there?"
SC: "Yes."

…..so then why am I part of this conversation? This conversation should have occurred between you and your brain. I never should have been involved. But I'll tell you what: I am nothing if not helpful. So here's a pen. Take it. Cherish it. Stick one end up your left nostril and push as hard as you can until it disappears. That should help you out for next time. Because obviously your brain was missing something to connect the dots with.



867

SC: "Do you take tax exemption numbers?"
Me: "Yes we do."
SC: "Do you know my tax exemption number?"
Me: "No, sorry. I can enter it for your order though?"
SC: "No, I forgot it. Do you know it?"

Oh, I see, makes perfect sense. I realize to you the telephone may seem like some kind of awe inspiring mystical arcane artifact. But I can assure you that it’s a perfectly mundane item and you are not in fact contacting an oracle, prophet or ancestral spirit. I, like you, am a completely normal human. Granted my knuckles don't drag on the ground when I walk……nor do I smell vaguely like cheddar and bacon bits...and to be honest there's no dog chained to an old snow mobile transmission in my yard...….but other then that we're completely the same!



867

Me: "and your last name?"
SC: "Tshajapesh"

Ah, yes, an ancient Intuktitut name meaning "Appears on screen when you beat cat with keyboard".



Boris

Me: "did you see it in the paper?"
SC: "No I got a little flyer thing here…..uh, I think it came out of the paper? Wait…..I don't know where it came from."

Oh, that's just Boris. He's a 278 lb Russian man in a skin tight cat suit that we have randomly prowl the east coast. Whenever he spots a house without an <client name> roof he deftly breaks in, in the dead of night. Then he scratches his ass with every utensil in the kitchen, empties all your ice cube trays of all but one ice cube and then puts them back in the freezer, sniffs your panties, touches your dog inappropriately and then leaves our flyer on the coffee table. You may call him a thief. But we call him the <client name> Fairy.



What The Hell is with These Flyers....

SC: "Cus I'm like looking at the flyer and I'm like YEAH!"

…really? Usually when I see <client name> my reaction is @*)&$!! or "Jesus Christ rubbing a waffle against Bob Dole's pale naked ass, not you $@$^ing people again!".

Er, I mean...YEAH!


Kara, One's Missing from your Pen
( Keep in mind he's calling the company that services the kiosk that he pays his cell phone bill at. )

SC: "Yeah I just bought a <Kara's company> phone and its been charging overnight. But its still not working."
Me: "Alright, have you tried calling <Kara's company>?"
SC: "No."
Me: "....."
SC: "....."

At this point I'd like to just go dead silent and let them sit there and think about it for a while until it finally clicks in their head. However there's only 3 hours left in my shift and I doubt I could get that much overtime authorized.



Again? But That Trick Never Works.
( Different guy. Different parkade. )

SC: "My car is locked in the parkade!!~eleventy"

Wait, wait. Stop right there. Before we go any further I have a quick question for you: Do you have a pen handy?






Thus ends Day One.

Jadedcarguy
08-23-2007, 04:00 PM
Fashion Trends

Over the last 2 days I have seen 4 guys wearing leather miniskirts. Always at night and always around a 7/11. Both downtown and out in Burnaby. So….my question is: Did I miss a meeting? I wasn't aware this was fashionable for guys now. Because if it is I *seriously* need to shave my legs to get ready. Cus its like Sasquatch down there, I swear.

You didn't get that memo?



I Can't Believe I Did This...

Caller gave me his last name. I typed it in and went about my merry way in the script. Then I glanced back a few seconds later and I seriously had typed in "Asshat" for his last name instead. Thank God I double check everything when I take calls. Still, this is a bad sign. I'm mocking callers subconsciously now.




Happened to me once, but it wasn't subconcious. I filled out an order form for a part with the customers name, and underneath it I put "Complete Douchebag" because he was. It almost got into his hands, but I was quicker.:D

ChelsieFrank
08-23-2007, 05:40 PM
Abort, Abort

SC: "Yeah, I have an appointment tomorrow for my pap smear-"

Stop! Stop right there! I have shattered the glass on the Too Much Information Emergency Stop cabinet and am hammering the button wildly. Cease and desist. I do not require any more information then that. I did not even require that much information to begin with. A simple "I have an appointment tomorrow" would have been fine. Please do not elaborate on the details of whatever routine structural maintenance is being performed on your south regional girl tunnels. Or indeed any other plans you have made for your cootie terminal station.


God if only such a thing exisited as the TMI Emergency Stop Cabinet. When activated it would release a high pitched tone that not only stops the person from speaking furthur but also erases all memory of the past 10 seconds.


On a side note Gravekeeper, every time I see your posts I am reminded of the project I had to do on Nunavut in the Fifth grade. I got an F on it and during my presentation the notecards came unbound and flew everywhere. Every post you write makes me go back to that class room where I tried to make polar bears and snow sound really interesting...

Broomjockey
08-23-2007, 05:47 PM
Fashion Trends

Over the last 2 days I have seen 4 guys wearing leather miniskirts. Always at night and always around a 7/11. Both downtown and out in Burnaby. So….my question is: Did I miss a meeting? I wasn't aware this was fashionable for guys now. Because if it is I *seriously* need to shave my legs to get ready. Cus its like Sasquatch down there, I swear.

Becky. Gutter. Out! :p


I Can't Believe I Did This...

Caller gave me his last name. I typed it in and went about my merry way in the script. Then I glanced back a few seconds later and I seriously had typed in "Asshat" for his last name instead. Thank God I double check everything when I take calls. Still, this is a bad sign. I'm mocking callers subconsciously now.

See, as long as it stays in your fingers, it's fine. Your mouth is gonna need an extra filter now though...

Abort, Abort

SC: "Yeah, I have an appointment tomorrow for my pap smear-"

Stop! Stop right there! I have shattered the glass on the Too Much Information Emergency Stop cabinet and am hammering the button wildly. Cease and desist. I do not require any more information then that. I did not even require that much information to begin with. A simple "I have an appointment tomorrow" would have been fine. Please do not elaborate on the details of whatever routine structural maintenance is being performed on your south regional girl tunnels. Or indeed any other plans you have made for your cootie terminal station.

First, ewewewewewewewewew. Okay, required guy squirming out of the way, second, :roll:

867

SC: "Do you take tax exemption numbers?"
Me: "Yes we do."
SC: "Do you know my tax exemption number?"
Me: "No, sorry. I can enter it for your order though?"
SC: "No, I forgot it. Do you know it?"

Oh, I see, makes perfect sense. I realize to you the telephone may seem like some kind of awe inspiring mystical arcane artifact. But I can assure you that it’s a perfectly mundane item and you are not in fact contacting an oracle, prophet or ancestral spirit. I, like you, am a completely normal human. Granted my knuckles don't drag on the ground when I walk……nor do I smell vaguely like cheddar and bacon bits...and to be honest there's no dog chained to an old snow mobile transmission in my yard...….but other then that we're completely the same!

*sings* Harmony, in harmony, you're you, I'm me, together we can live in harmony!

867

Me: "and your last name?"
SC: "Tshajapesh"

Ah, yes, an ancient Intuktitut name meaning "Appears on screen when you beat cat with keyboard".

oi. But really, aren't they more likely to beat the keyboard with the cat? ;)

Jester
08-23-2007, 05:52 PM
I'd like to point out how brave (or stupid) I am. I knowingly read your posts while eating pizza AND drinking a beer.

Shockingly, my keyboard is still very dry. And dusty. Hmmm.....I really need to clean this shit. Anyways.....

Over the last 2 days I have seen 4 guys wearing leather miniskirts. Always at night and always around a 7/11. Both downtown and out in Burnaby.

Okay, this is weird. I live in Key freakin' West, and not counting the drag queens or the costume type events, I can honestly say I have not seen four guys in leather miniskirts in this town in my whole eight freakin' years! What the hell is going on up there? :confused:

Misanthropical
08-23-2007, 05:58 PM
Over the last 2 days I have seen 4 guys wearing leather miniskirts. Always at night and always around a 7/11. Both downtown and out in Burnaby. So….my question is: Did I miss a meeting? I wasn't aware this was fashionable for guys now. Because if it is I *seriously* need to shave my legs to get ready. Cus its like Sasquatch down there, I swear.

I would just have to go up to them and talk to them! Yes, I'm a bit weird, but I would find that highly amusing.

Polenicus
08-23-2007, 06:05 PM
I'd like to point out how brave (or stupid) I am. I knowingly read your posts while eating pizza AND drinking a beer.

Shockingly, my keyboard is still very dry. And dusty. Hmmm.....I really need to clean this shit. Anyways.....



Okay, this is weird. I live in Key freakin' West, and not counting the drag queens or the costume type events, I can honestly say I have not seen four guys in leather miniskirts in this town in my whole eight freakin' years! What the hell is going on up there? :confused:

It's VANCOUVER.

Among other things, Vancouver is the place where all of Canada's new weirdness is born. Not old, traditional weirdness like in Newfoundland or Northern Ontario, not New Stupidity like in Nunavut, but new, totally original weird.

Seriously, BC's major exports are Lumber, Various Ores, and strangeness.

Jester
08-23-2007, 06:16 PM
Great. It's Vancouver. Lumber? Ores? What are those? This is KEY WEST. Aka Key Weird. Where men are men, and sometimes women as well. Where by and large, women are bi and large. Where a guy voting on election day in a full court jester costume barely gets noticed. Where people in a reality show being followed around by a camera crew barely gets noticed. Where clothing optional bars aren't that odd. Where "drag races" don't involved souped up cars, but cocktail dress wearing transvestites. Where bed races, turtle races, body painting, food fights as part of a naval battle, drunken obstacle courses, swinger conventions, the running of the Hemingways lookalikes, the lowering of a pirate wench down the mast of the ship on New Year's Eve, secession from the United States, flamingo scooters, pepper cars, dogs with sunglasses, cats that ride around on a dog's back, drinking beer for breakfast daily, and having your ashes interred in the railing of a bar are all considered pretty much par for the course.

Welcome to MY world, pal. :wave:

Trust me, my friend, Vancouver hardly has a stranglehold on strange. Hell, ever hear of a place called Los Angeles?

Polenicus
08-23-2007, 06:48 PM
Trust me, my friend, Vancouver hardly has a stranglehold on strange. Hell, ever hear of a place called Los Angeles?


Well, I dunno if Vancouver can top that. It's only the strangest place in Canada. I mean, you guys are American, by simple virtue of that fact you're weirder than us.

But lemme see... Every year people race high horsepower bathtubs from Vancouver Island to Vancouver. At Race Rocks off Vancouver Island, due to some weird fluke of acoustics, the fog horn to warn off ships cannot be hear a mile away from the rocks, but three miles away is deafening. They have Sasquach, Ogopogo, and the NDP party. And lastly, when asked to map out what parts of British Columbia they officially lay claim to, BC's Native populations claimed approximately 111% of the province.

Jester
08-23-2007, 06:52 PM
I wasn't downplaying the weirdness that is Vancouver. I mean, consider all the CANADIANS that live there--it's GOT to be weird! ;)

I was just saying consider where I live. 'Nuff said. (By the way, love the idea of having tub races. Ask me about our Minimal Regatta sometime.)

Jadedcarguy
08-23-2007, 07:03 PM
.......Where by and large, women are bi and large........


Owowowowow! Pepsi-nasal passages-damn you.........:lol:

Max
08-23-2007, 07:09 PM
This is KEY WEST. Aka Key Weird. Where men are men, and sometimes women as well. Where by and large, women are bi and large.

:lol: :roll: :lol: :roll: :lol: (Yeah, I love a good pun. What of it?!)


Regarding your entire post Jester, you NEED to work for the Key West travel and tourist bureau. Or rather, THEY need YOU. Honestly, reading your post I almost booked a flight. Would have, if I had a dime to my name. You make it sound like so much FUN!! :bounce:

Jester
08-23-2007, 07:18 PM
Regarding your entire post Jester, you NEED to work for the Key West travel and tourist bureau. Or rather, THEY need YOU. Honestly, reading your post I almost booked a flight. Would have, if I had a dime to my name. You make it sound like so much FUN!! :bounce:

Several problems with that idea.

1. I can't afford the pay cut. And I am pretty sure they aren't going to be paying me what I am making now.
2. Mornings. They probably require them. I don't do them.
3. Most importantly, I really don't think they want someone like ME saying things like THAT to people asking about this place. Why? Well, for some reason Key West is trying to appeal to families and become like (gods forbid) ORLANDO. Why? I have no freakin' idea. Frankly, I don't care. I DO know they don't really emphasize all the weirdness so much as the water sports (fishing, diving, snorkeling, sailing, etc.) which is fantastic here, the nightlife (without going into specifics), which is fantastic here, and the history and art, which apparently is a reason for some people to come here. (I don't get it myself.)
4. Mornings. I am pretty sure I would have to work mornings. Have I mentioned my view on mornings?

When you get some more dimes, by all means, come on down. Better make it quick, though, before the developers and their pet politicians completely ruin/Orlandoize this place, and get rid of all the charming weirdness that makes it so much damn fun.

DGoddessChardonnay
08-23-2007, 07:59 PM
Fashion Trends

Over the last 2 days I have seen 4 guys wearing leather miniskirts. Always at night and always around a 7/11. Both downtown and out in Burnaby. So….my question is: Did I miss a meeting? I wasn't aware this was fashionable for guys now. Because if it is I *seriously* need to shave my legs to get ready. Cus its like Sasquatch down there, I swear.

We didn't get the memo down South - and Peter, we need to talk about your TPS Reports . . .

Of course, down here, the guys would probably go for it - if they could wear them hanging halfway down their butts.:eek:

trunks2k
08-23-2007, 08:20 PM
Fashion Trends

Over the last 2 days I have seen 4 guys wearing leather miniskirts. Always at night and always around a 7/11. Both downtown and out in Burnaby. So….my question is: Did I miss a meeting? I wasn't aware this was fashionable for guys now. Because if it is I *seriously* need to shave my legs to get ready. Cus its like Sasquatch down there, I swear.



Were they something like this? (http://scotwebstore.com/sr_swhdr_leathkilblac.html) They're urban kilts, sorta a fashion trend especially in the punk rock scene. I tend to see guys wearing them around here and there.

wagegoth
08-23-2007, 09:16 PM
Jester, I love it. Sounds like SF with sweaty weather and more booze.

LA is plastic. SF is weird. At the recent SF Marathon (not the Bay to Breakers, which is a party disguised as a run) there was a drink station staffed by people in devil costumes handing out beer, and more than one runner in full drag, with make-up and nails done.

I love this place. When I move to Canada, I'll have to move to Vancouver.

Max
08-23-2007, 10:07 PM
I love this place. When I move to Canada, I'll have to move to Vancouver.

Queen West in Toronto is pretty cool, too. When I lived in Toronto I used to hang out there all the time, for shopping, getting my dreads and tattoos done, checking out the fetish and alternative nightclub scene.

It's weird though--on Saturday night it's normal to see middle aged men wearing nothing but a series of leather straps being lead around the streets by leashes. But go up or down a block and its all money and poseurs (traditional club scene). Queen West is like an oasis of cool in uptight corporate T dot. :rolleyes:

Sliceanddice
08-23-2007, 10:10 PM
:lol: :roll: :lol: :roll: :lol: (Yeah, I love a good pun. What of it?!)


Regarding your entire post Jester, you NEED to work for the Key West travel and tourist bureau. Or rather, THEY need YOU. Honestly, reading your post I almost booked a flight. Would have, if I had a dime to my name. You make it sound like so much FUN!! :bounce:

hell i almost did too and i hate florida

oh and GK who said you have to shave your legs to wear a skirt (glaces down at her hairylegs and shurgs)

BookstoreEscapee
08-23-2007, 10:25 PM
Where a guy voting on election day in a full court jester costume barely gets noticed.

That was you, wasn't it? :D

Simply Amazed
08-23-2007, 11:32 PM
God if only such a thing exisited as the TMI Emergency Stop Cabinet. When activated it would release a high pitched tone that not only stops the person from speaking furthur but also erases all memory of the past 10 seconds.



Heh, had a TMI incident one time working in the emergency room. Had a rather large fellow ( I'm a rather large fellow myself and my thoughts were "damn, that's a rather large fellow ) come up to my desk. There was a huge line of people around and behind him.

When I asked him why he was there he proceeds to hike his shirt up andstarted to lower his pants.

I threw my hands up and said rather loudly "No sir! No need for that. I have EARS. Now, what brings you here today?"

Once the brain bleach took effect there were quite a few chuckles from the crowd and the guy seemed to get that stripping wasn't a good idea and proceeded to tell me about his horrible rash that you couldn't pay me to see.

EclipseDragon986
08-24-2007, 12:53 AM
Are you sure they weren't wearing leather Utilikilts?

Kara
08-24-2007, 02:03 AM
Over the last 2 days I have seen 4 guys wearing leather miniskirts. Always at night and always around a 7/11.


Maybe they're in a Scottish biker gang.


Then I glanced back a few seconds later and I seriously had typed in "Asshat" for his last name instead.


*snicker* That's hilarious.

Please do not elaborate on the details of whatever routine structural maintenance is being performed on your south regional girl tunnels. Or indeed any other plans you have made for your cootie terminal station.


"South regional girl tunnles" and "cootie terminal station." I'm definitely going to remember those :lol:


SC: "Yeah I just bought a <Kara's company> phone and its been charging overnight. But its still not working."
Me: "Alright, have you tried calling <Kara's company>?"
SC: "No."
Me: "....."
SC: "....."


Ah, but let's find out what happens after the call. He calls up his local authorized dealer, they tell him to call a corporate store. He calls a corporate store, they tell him to dial customer care. He dials the 800 # for new activations, completely ignores the automated system telling him to press 3 for existing customers that have questions/need help with their existing account, gets transferred to customer care by sales, mutters something incomprehensible thanks to all the pork rinds he's eating when the voice-response system asks him what he needs, probably winds up somewhere that can't possibly help him like Financial Care or Consumer Credit, gets transferred to customer care, talks to someone in General customer care who tells him he needs a new battery/phone, is okay with that until he finds out he has to pay a small shipping fee (but no cost for the equipment), says he's tired of all the runaround and wants to cancel, then I get the call and he tells me that all he needed was help with his phone and no one he called, starting with the first asshole, wanted to help him and he's going to go to a company that knows how to take care of their customers.

skeptic53
08-24-2007, 02:10 AM
Caller gave me his last name. I typed it in and went about my merry way in the script. Then I glanced back a few seconds later and I seriously had typed in "Asshat" for his last name instead. Thank God I double check everything when I take calls. Still, this is a bad sign. I'm mocking callers subconsciously now.

http://cserver.king-online.com/content/Retail?date=2007-08-23&referer=http://www.dailyink.com&uid=xvkv6o&token=9xwaze&size=large

Reyneth
08-24-2007, 03:12 AM
http://cserver.king-online.com/content/Retail?date=2007-08-23&referer=http://www.dailyink.com&uid=xvkv6o&token=9xwaze&size=large

THAT is fantastic. :lol: And very true!

If I had a blog that is. lol

skeptic53
08-24-2007, 03:51 AM
THAT is fantastic. :lol: And very true!

If I had a blog that is. lol The character Cooper in the comic Retail really has a blog:

Cooper's Blog (http://web.mac.com/normfeuti/iWeb/coopersretailblog/Blog/Blog.html)

Jester
08-24-2007, 05:35 AM
Jester, I love it. Sounds like SF with sweaty weather and more booze.

I've been to San Fran. Twice. Hate to tell you this, but KW has SF beat for The Weirdness Factor hands, feet, and other random limbs DOWN. Heck, I would even put Provincetown up against SF. Most of the Frisco Weirdness left years if not decades ago.

Just one fellow's opinion, mind you. As always, I reserve the right to completely, horribly, and 100% wrong. :lol:

That was you, wasn't it? :D

Me? In a jester costume, voting?

OF COURSE! Hell, I posted pictures of it here on CS.com! For a while one of those pictures was my avatar, for goodness sake! :D

Gravekeeper
08-24-2007, 06:44 AM
See, as long as it stays in your fingers, it's fine. Your mouth is gonna need an extra filter now though...

One day it'll probably happen and that'll be the day I get fired. But don't worry I'll grab the audio before I leave. =p



I would just have to go up to them and talk to them! Yes, I'm a bit weird, but I would find that highly amusing.

In both cases they appeared to be rather happy couples, I didn't want to intrude.


Where men are men, and sometimes women as well. Where by and large, women are bi and large.

Hah. ^^


Were they something like this? They're urban kilts, sorta a fashion trend especially in the punk rock scene. I tend to see guys wearing them around here and there.

No no, I've seen the punk rock leather kilts here and there in Van. No, these were miniskirts in the "Oh god I can see your ballsack" length sense.


oh and GK who said you have to shave your legs to wear a skirt

Well if I'm going to be thrown in a miniskirt, I want to at least look pretty. When cross dressing victory is measured in how long you can get another man to stare at your ass until he realizes the cold terrible truth and his scrotum retracts into his abdomen like a turtle thats been poked with a stick.

Not that I would know of course...

Sliceanddice
08-24-2007, 06:55 AM
Well if I'm going to be thrown in a miniskirt, I want to at least look pretty. When cross dressing victory is measured in how long you can get another man to stare at your ass until he realizes the cold terrible truth and his scrotum retracts into his abdomen like a turtle thats been poked with a stick.

Not that I would know of course...

Well in that case, when ever you feel the need to 'feel like a woman' give me a call, for all my butch ways im a wiz at the crossdressing and make up of men... ask my brother (muahahahaha he hates when i make him put on dresses) and im quiet hand with needle too for those needed ajustments!

Gravekeeper
08-24-2007, 07:03 AM
im quiet hand with needle too for those needed ajustments!

My brain went 6 ways of abject terror when I hit that line. I'm not sure what you're referring too but thats ok because my imagination has already horrified me far beyond whatever the actual truth of that statement is. ><

Ree
08-24-2007, 11:20 AM
I've been to San Fran. Twice. Hate to tell you this, but KW has SF beat for The Weirdness Factor hands, feet, and other random limbs DOWN. Is there some special prize being given out for the person who lives in the weirdest spot? Is there a cash award I didn't know about?

This is about the third post in this thread where you've beaten us over the head with the fact that where you live is really weird. I think we got it about 3 posts ago!! Key West is weird. :D

I'm sure there are a lot of places that are filled with pretty weird people, and I doubt any particular city has the market cornered on weird, though.
People being what they are, weirdness knows no limits or geographical boundaries.

Let us Canadians have our Vancouver weirdness and be proud of it, damn it!! :p

Polenicus
08-24-2007, 12:12 PM
Let us Canadians have our Vancouver weirdness and be proud of it, damn it!! :p


Unfortunately, Key West has been endorsed by Spider Robinson as an excellent place to live. There's just no way we can win against a Spider Robinson-approved weirdness factor.

But we CAN always point out that Vancouver has GraveKeeper.

MOD EDIT:
Please remeber to edit quotes down to relevant parts.
Thanks.

Mongo Skruddgemire
08-24-2007, 12:15 PM
…really? Usually when I see <client name> my reaction is @*)&$!! or "Jesus Christ rubbing a waffle against Bob Dole's pale naked ass, not you $@$^ing people again!".

:spew:

OWWW! Damnit! Coke through the nasal passages HURTS!

Damn funny though...May I steal that for a .sig line?

Polenicus
08-24-2007, 12:16 PM
My brain went 6 ways of abject terror when I hit that line. I'm not sure what you're referring too but thats ok because my imagination has already horrified me far beyond whatever the actual truth of that statement is. ><

Oh god...

"Here, we'll just tuck that out of the way and keep it in place with a few stitches..."

NNNGH! *Grabs privates and flees!* :runaway:

Gravekeeper
08-24-2007, 12:48 PM
:spew:

OWWW! Damnit! Coke through the nasal passages HURTS!

Damn funny though...May I steal that for a .sig line?

Feel free.

Jester
08-24-2007, 12:59 PM
This is about the third post in this thread where you've beaten us over the head with the fact that where you live is really weird. I think we got it about 3 posts ago!! Key West is weird. :D

Oops. Sorry about that. I wasn't trying to make this a competition. Really. I just sometimes, even after 8 years of living here, am astounded by this crazy little island. Really. And I was not trying to take anything away from other weird spots. Sometimes I just get a little.....competitive. Obviously. And I am rather proud (again, obviously) of this bizarre and wonderful little tropical town. It was not malicious, it was not trying to take anyone or any place down. I love weirdness, wherever it is, be it California, BC, Florida, Cape Cod, wherever. My apologies to others in Weird Cities if my comments were a bit over the top.

One thing...when I move back to Phoenix next year (hopefully), I will no longer be able to make any claims about living in a weirder spot than pretty much anyone. HOTTER, certainly, but not WEIRDER. :D

Unfortunately, Key West has been endorsed by Spider Robinson as an excellent place to live. There's just no way we can win against a Spider Robinson-approved weirdness factor.

Okay, I give up. Who or what is a Spider Robinson? :confused:

Kara
08-24-2007, 01:14 PM
When cross dressing victory is measured in how long you can get another man to stare at your ass until he realizes the cold terrible truth and his scrotum retracts into his abdomen like a turtle thats been poked with a stick.


I can top that. The city I work in is the air capital of the US (there's like 4 airports and an Air Force base, and 3 or 4 airplane manufacturers). Anyway, Harrison Ford has a pilot's license and he occasionally flies in because we're also Kansas and it's easy to keep a low profile and not be hounded by all the tabloids. Plus, they let him do whatever he wants at any of the airports and manufacturing plants that he wishes to visit. Another place he likes to visit is a nudie bar, of which they also have quite a few. But at the one he frequents, only 2 of the girls were born female.

I don't know if he has somehow been unable to realize this, but I've seen their commercials on TV and it's pretty obvious as to which ones are smuggling grapes in their thongs.

Polenicus
08-24-2007, 01:19 PM
Okay, I give up. Who or what is a Spider Robinson? :confused:

You've NOT read any of the Calahan's Crosstime Saloon or Lady Sally series? Bah! Get thee to a library, go!

Spider Robinson has been revelling in the weirder concepts of Sci-Fi for decades.

Jester
08-24-2007, 01:21 PM
You've NOT read any of the Calahan's Crosstime Saloon or Lady Sally series?

*blink blink*

*blank stare*

Never heard of them or him. Haven't the foggiest clue what you are talking about. Honestly.

Becks
08-24-2007, 03:16 PM
Me: "and your last name?"
SC: "Tshajapesh"

Ah, yes, an ancient Intuktitut name meaning "Appears on screen when you beat cat with keyboard".

Poor cat. :(

Becky. Gutter. Out! :p

As you'll see, I TOTALLY decided NOT to comment on that one.

Being well-behaved is boring, and actually quite painful for me. However, I'm trying.

Me? In a jester costume, voting?

OF COURSE! Hell, I posted pictures of it here on CS.com! For a while one of those pictures was my avatar, for goodness sake! :D

I remember that. And your title was, "Yes, I DID vote like this!" or something close to it.


No no, I've seen the punk rock leather kilts here and there in Van. No, these were miniskirts in the "Oh god I can see your ballsack" length sense.


:brainbleach:

Well if I'm going to be thrown in a miniskirt, I want to at least look pretty. When cross dressing victory is measured in how long you can get another man to stare at your ass until he realizes the cold terrible truth and his scrotum retracts into his abdomen like a turtle thats been poked with a stick.

:snicker:

Not that I would know of course...

LIAR!!!!!!!!!!

Sliceanddice
08-24-2007, 04:52 PM
omg i ment i can make you look like you have a waste not that i was going to turn your outy in to an iny

OfficeSlug
08-24-2007, 05:20 PM
That was you, wasn't it? :D

Yeah! He had the picture as his default for awhile!

Ree
08-24-2007, 09:32 PM
Me? In a jester costume, voting?

OF COURSE! Hell, I posted pictures of it here on CS.com! For a while one of those pictures was my avatar, for goodness sake! :DIf you look at BookstoreEscapee's joining date, it was Dec/06, so she obviously wasn't around here when you made your post about the election. (I don't even remember reading the post, but I remember reading when you explained what your avatar was at that time.)

MinimaMagistra
08-25-2007, 01:02 AM
Harrison Ford . . . Another place he likes to visit is a nudie bar, of which they also have quite a few. But at the one he frequents, only 2 of the girls were born female.

<whimpers> <whines> <keens in highpitched tones><childhood love of Indiana Jones and Han Solo dies a gurgling death>

Amethyst Hunter
08-25-2007, 04:12 AM
Another GK post FTW. :lol::roll::lol::roll:

This is KEY WEST. Aka Key Weird. Where men are men, and sometimes women as well. Where by and large, women are bi and large. Where a guy voting on election day in a full court jester costume barely gets noticed. Where people in a reality show being followed around by a camera crew barely gets noticed. Where clothing optional bars aren't that odd. Where "drag races" don't involved souped up cars, but cocktail dress wearing transvestites. Where bed races, turtle races, body painting, food fights as part of a naval battle, drunken obstacle courses, swinger conventions, the running of the Hemingways lookalikes, the lowering of a pirate wench down the mast of the ship on New Year's Eve, secession from the United States, flamingo scooters, pepper cars, dogs with sunglasses, cats that ride around on a dog's back, drinking beer for breakfast daily, and having your ashes interred in the railing of a bar are all considered pretty much par for the course.


If my exile in Florida had been half as interesting as that, I might have considered sticking around longer...oh who am I kidding? The heat/weather alone destroys any fondness I might have had for that state.

Gravekeeper
08-25-2007, 07:12 AM
Another GK post FTW. :lol::roll::lol::roll:



If my exile in Florida had been half as interesting as that, I might have considered sticking around longer...oh who am I kidding? The heat/weather alone destroys any fondness I might have had for that state.

I was there once. ONCE. When I was 6. I fried to a *crisp* inside of 24 hours and spent the remainder of the vacation huddled in any form of shade I could find, hissing at passersby.

I had to sleep upright in a chair. It sucked. I'll check the mail in nothing but shorts and sandals in the middle of December. But throw me in the opposite spectrum weather wise and I just burn.

xlr82xs
08-25-2007, 10:15 AM
…..so then why am I part of this conversation?


My coworker made a comment I'm sure you will love about that :


Perhaps his sight orbs failed...No, wait, he probably just fails at life



At this point I'd like to just go dead silent and let them sit there and think about it for a while until it finally clicks in their head.


This is a dangerous game to begin playing. I had it continue one night for upwards of 15 minutes before a completely unrelated customer yelled out from the back of the store

Dude, you need to actually finish your "I would like to buy *SILENCE*" sentence before he will actually sell you anything


and that's about it for me (at least until I get arrive at work in another 3 hours or so)

Becks
08-25-2007, 03:57 PM
I fried to a *crisp* inside of 24 hours and spent the remainder of the vacation huddled in any form of shade I could find, hissing at passersby.

I feel your pain, because I'm the same way.

Kara
08-25-2007, 04:33 PM
I feel your pain, because I'm the same way.

Same here. We creatures of the night don't do well in in the foul light of the daystar.

<whimpers> <whines> <keens in highpitched tones><childhood love of Indiana Jones and Han Solo dies a gurgling death>

It is my goal to crush everyone's hopes, dreams, and love one person at a time.

Jester
08-25-2007, 07:26 PM
If my exile in Florida had been half as interesting as that, I might have considered sticking around longer...oh who am I kidding? The heat/weather alone destroys any fondness I might have had for that state.

The Keys are not like the rest of Florida, for the most part. I am not fond of Orlando, for example, and I DESPISE Miami. And most of Florida (not all, but mos) is pretty lame, to be honest.

There are many Keys residents that like to forget as much as possible that we are still part of Florida, as well. Many people wiser and more famous than me have said that the Keys are more akin to Cuba or the Caribbean in attitude than to mainland Florida.

Amethyst Hunter
08-26-2007, 05:15 AM
I fried to a *crisp*...I'll check the mail in nothing but shorts and sandals in the middle of December. But throw me in the opposite spectrum weather wise and I just burn.

I'm much the same way when it comes to cold weather. I tolerate that much easier than I do heat. My rationale is that if it's cold, you can always add/subtract layers as you see fit. But if it's hot, you better have either AC or someplace to swim, or you're dead.

All you have to do is stand in that Florida sun for even a few seconds, and you can literally FEEL your flesh burning itself.

I am not fond of Orlando, for example, and I DESPISE Miami. And most of Florida (not all, but mos) is pretty lame, to be honest.


Yeah, we found that out the hard way. :p

Becks
08-26-2007, 03:33 PM
We creatures of the night don't do well in in the foul light of the daystar.

And as an added bonus, if a ray of sunshine hits us just right, we can blind people for MILES. :D

I'm much the same way when it comes to cold weather. I tolerate that much easier than I do heat. My rationale is that if it's cold, you can always add/subtract layers as you see fit. But if it's hot, you better have either AC or someplace to swim, or you're dead.

Same here. Although, to tell the truth, I'm not fond of extreme temps in either direction. I just handle cold better.

Oh, and you forgot "If it's hot, there's only so many articles of clothing that you can remove in public without getting arrested." :lol: