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Gravekeeper
09-24-2007, 09:00 PM
Sigh, well, least I'm on my days off. =p



English Lessons

SC: "Yeah I just got a crank call from your number saying I buy banana flavoured condoms!"

Um.....ok? I'm not really sure what to say to that.....do you?

SC: "It was very offensive and very embarrassing!"

Offensive? I think you mean "insulting". Something that offends you is a term or concept you find unacceptable. If you find the concept of purchasing banana flavoured birth control offensive you either A) Prefer strawberry or B ) Think Tinky Winky is secretly advancing the gay agenda.

Embarrassing? I think you mean "shameful". Embarrassment is an emotional state that occurs when something personally or professionally unacceptable is revealed to or witnessed by other people. If you found this call embarrassing it means you A) Really do buy banana flavoured condoms and B) Had this call on speaker phone at dinner with your parents while the bag with said condoms was sitting on the dinner table.

I hope you enjoyed today's lesson. Please stay tuned for tomorrow's lesson where we will explore the concept of "Only".



Breaking News
( This account is the afterhours for a local news station thats an affiliate of one of the big network news conglomerates. We're here to notify the reporters/camera crews if something happens that they need to get a story/footage for at night. IE: Only big stories that are time sensitive such as major accidents, disasters or international incidents. )

1) Caller calls to inform us that a cab driver was rude to his friend who may or may not be, and I am directly quoting what he said: "Male/Female, Straight/Gay, White/Black/Red."

Yes, he actually said "slash" as in "Male slash Female". So we've established his friend is a bisexual she-male of mixed descent and a cab driver was rude to him...er, her....uh...it.

He called the cab company and they "didn't care". By which I assume he means "They apologized but did not promise to make an international incident out of". He also says he called the COPS and they too "Didn't care". By which I assume he means "Told him bluntly to not call 911 unless he had a real emergency.".

2) Caller is informed we can follow up on that when the news desk gets back in if he wants to leave his name and number with us.

3) Caller reveals himself to be mentally unstable entitlement whore and begins to deny reality and substitute his own. Caller wants us to consider this a huge news story and appears to be under the impression that the media is not a business but rather a civil right and he can make them do whatever he wants because that is his right as a member of the "public".

4) Caller is eventually hung up on.

5) Caller calls back and begins argument anew with such wonderful sound bites as:

SC: "I believe the news is there to accept my story! I believe every news story has a place of urgency!"

What you believe is of no consequence. I am not waking up a news crew at 3am because a cab driver of all people was rude to your bisexual she-male "friend" of mixed descent.


SC: "The driver was rude to 3 of my friends just because they were women!"

Er...wait, what? Your bisexual she-male friend of mixed descent has undergone a rather drastic change. Apparently the surgery was a success and she has grown two additional heads. I shall have to revise the victim's description to Bisexual Trans-gendered Hydra.


SC: "Obviously you're not listening to me. They haven't trained you very well."

Actually they have trained me very well which is why I'm not listening to you. Also, -10 points for implying that the issue here is not that you're a delusional, unreasonable entitlement whore whom believes the world revolves around them but that I am, in fact, merely incompetent.


SC: "I believe I have the volition, the will and the NEED to leave a message."

....what?


SC: "Put me through to the news crew!"
Me: "I'm sorry I don't have a number for them that I can give you."
SC: "I believe you do and you will give it to me."

Did you just try to use the Jedi mind trick on me?


6) Caller eventually grew tired of my incompetence and hung up. But not till after threatening to report my incompetence to my superiors in the morning. I informed him he was quite welcome to do so. I'm sure they'll be quite upset with me following all of their policies to the letter.



I Am Surrounded by Fools.

Raging Cocktard: "Everyone who's cool get off the Skytrain now!"

Unfortunately, this was my stop so I was forced to get off lest I be late for work. This prompted a "Wessst Siiiide~!#" and a flashing of what I can only refer to as "Lame White Guy Gang Sign" at me.



Pitfall

SC: "That's Bobby Macdonald. B-O-B-B-Y space M-A-"

Oh thank you for lighting the way, kind sir! If you hadn't had given me a heads up I would have had no idea what key to press there! I could have been KILLED!


Still Surrounded

7/11

Guy 1: "Chewing gum, chewing gum, chewing gum. Ah ha! Chewing gum! Dude over here!"
Guy 2: "Is it chewy?"

That would be the implication, yes. They do sell "unpleasantly crunchy gum" however I believe its marketed under the brand name "Skor".



Tell Us How you Really Feel

Me: "Good morning, <tech support>. Can I help you?"
SC: "I'm very upset."
Me: "......?"
SC: "......"

I'm not even remotely qualified for this but none the less I suppose I can take a shot at it. But we will need a few items first before I can walk you through a quick fix. A bottle of sleeping bills and an entire bottle of Jack Daniels should about do it.



Brought to You By the Letter Duurrr

SC: "Yeah, ya'll charged me $3 and now I'm out $20!"

I make no claims to having formidable mathematical skills but even my Sesame Street inspired capabilities have detected a crucial flaw with your calculations.



Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

Every overheard someone else's conversation and almost had to stop and interrupt them just to ask them to explain themselves? You know, something like

"Yeah, but YOU had sex with a pipe organ!"

Have I mentioned yet I hate having to come down town on Friday nights?



Workin' the System

SC: "Can I get some catalogs sent to a few different addresses?"
Me: "I'm sorry but I have to limit catalogs to one per caller or household."
SC: "Fine! That's stupid! I'll just keep calling back to get the rest then!"

Happy Fun Time Super Facts:

- She did indeed call back for more catalogs
- The rest of the addresses she tried to give us were in France.
- This product is only sold in North America and requires the company to come install it in your home.
- The fact a Canadian company would not sell the product in France AND hop a plane to come install it in France is, of course, "Stupid".




The End(tm)

wagegoth
09-24-2007, 09:25 PM
I share public transport with tech workers from around the world, university employees and illegals, as well as locals from Oakland (as in Oaktown, the "510").

My life is a series of non sequiturs.

Kara
09-24-2007, 09:59 PM
SC: "Yeah I just got a crank call from your number saying I buy banana flavoured condoms!"


He probably didn't have his parents on speakerphone. Probably his girlfriend. The one he didn't buy them for.


"Male/Female, Straight/Gay, White/Black/Red."


Kefka?
http://www.doupe.cz/vaulty/finalfantasy/pictures/ff6kefka.jpg

sms001
09-24-2007, 10:14 PM
I shall have to revise the victim's description to Bisexual Trans-gendered Hydra.


GK, you are such a well trained professional that it is rare to see you fall down on the job, but I must point out that no matter how jaded, how cosmopolitan, how eclectic your city is, that the appearance of a Bisexual Trans-gendered Hydra (of mixed race (is each head a different one?)) is IN FACT more than enough reason to roust a news crew out of bed at three in the morning. About the only place they wouldn't lead the morning news with it is Key West. Better luck next time.

:roll:

napoleana
09-24-2007, 10:19 PM
Kara, I'm going to have nightmares about that picture... :lol:

ta2ooed1
09-24-2007, 10:33 PM
GK, you are such a well trained professional that it is rare to see you fall down on the job, but I must point out that no matter how jaded, how cosmopolitan, how eclectic your city is, that the appearance of a Bisexual Trans-gendered Hydra (of mixed race (is each head a different one?)) is IN FACT more than enough reason to roust a news crew out of bed at three in the morning. About the only place they wouldn't lead the morning news with it is Key West. Better luck next time.

:roll:

Oh GK didn't fall down on the job, he's just so jaded from his adventures on the skytrain that this just didn't impress him.

BookstoreEscapee
09-24-2007, 10:43 PM
Raging Cocktard: "Everyone who's cool get off the Skytrain now!"

Unfortunately, this was my stop so I was forced to get off

So I guess it's official, then...You Are Cool! :muya:

But we already knew that. :D

we will need a few items first before I can walk you through a quick fix. A bottle of sleeping bills and an entire bottle of Jack Daniels should about do it.

Is that for you or the SC? :confused:

karma_gypsy
09-24-2007, 11:08 PM
Did you just try to use the Jedi mind trick on me?

Are you Toydarian? Mind Tricks don't work on you . . . only money?


Raging Cocktard: "Everyone who's cool get off the Skytrain now!"\


Did he get off/stumble/trip/get pushed the train as well?


SC: "That's Bobby Macdonald. B-O-B-B-Y space M-A-"


What if he starting spelling something totally different . . . or spelled it all messed up like B-A-W-B-I


"Yeah, but YOU had sex with a pipe organ!"

That person almost seems jealous . . .

DGoddessChardonnay
09-24-2007, 11:19 PM
Every overheard someone else's conversation and almost had to stop and interrupt them just to ask them to explain themselves? You know, something like

"Yeah, but YOU had sex with a pipe organ!"

Do I even want to imagine the physical logistics of that????

BTW, you don't suppose that was the same guy who called requesting the roof goat?:roll:

Rahmota
09-24-2007, 11:37 PM
SC: "That's Bobby Macdonald. B-O-B-B-Y space M-A-"


About that. When I was working in security and using the radio , and this goes for my military friends/relatives as well, we where taught to say the spaces or dashes or whatever as the person at the other end probably needed to know that. Just some devil's advocation here. ;)

ie ABH 134 is different from ABH-134 and you need to tell the person on the other end exactly what it is. I confess I use the army phonetic alphabit and radio rules when talking to people including saying niner instead of nine. And I prefer it when people do the same when talking to me about stuff too.

Gravekeeper
09-25-2007, 12:01 AM
About that. When I was working in security and using the radio , and this goes for my military friends/relatives as well, we where taught to say the spaces or dashes or whatever as the person at the other end probably needed to know that. Just some devil's advocation here. ;)


You may play Devil's Advocate all you want but I assure you there's always a reason someone appears in my mockery.

This caller was "babytalking" me in the entire call. That snippet was just one more part of the condescending. ><



He probably didn't have his parents on speaker phone. Probably his girlfriend. The one he didn't buy them for.

It was a woman, actually..... >.>



Is that for you or the SC?

You raise a valid question. <smirk>



Did he get off/stumble/trip/get pushed the train as well?

Stumble. With a bunch of his buddies and a couple of skanks <shiver>

MMATM
09-25-2007, 12:21 AM
I confess I use the army phonetic alphabit and radio...

My dad does this for his job (he's an insurance estimator and so getting license plates right is very important) but he makes up the words as he goes along, e.g: "Tiger Harold Xylophone One One Three Eight".

Cookie for the (many possible) reference(s).

napoleana
09-25-2007, 12:24 AM
My dad does this for his job (he's an insurance estimator and so getting license plates right is very important) but he makes up the words as he goes along, e.g: "Tiger Harold Xylophone One One Three Eight".

Cookie for the (many possible) reference(s).

THX 1138? What else is there to it?

Sliceanddice
09-25-2007, 12:37 AM
omg the pipe organ sex thing i hear all the time..
from my sister...
in the last three days apparently i have sex with monkeys, teddy bears, sporks, a spatual, and hair dye....

its a rich and fulfilling sex life ive got to say

Andara Bledin
09-25-2007, 01:48 AM
Do I even want to imagine the physical logistics of that????

*sigh*

My mind went stright there, with no stopping it.

... and even worse, the pipe organ in question was the one designed by Bergholt Stuttley Johnson, aka Bloody Stupid Johnson...

"Tiger Harold Xylophone One One Three Eight".

Considering how often I run into that particular number series (it's frightening, really), and how often it's included in odd things like Animaniacs and Star Wars, it's a sound system...

^-.-^

Broomjockey
09-25-2007, 03:53 AM
Considering how often I run into that particular number series (it's frightening, really), and how often it's included in odd things like Animaniacs and Star Wars, it's a sound system...

^-.-^

It's often included in anything touched by George Lucas, as it was the name of his (I believe) first film, made at film school, or something like that, and the sound system was actually named for it. Just a fun fact. You can be sure that any time it shows up in a movie/tv show, either Lucas or a friend of his did it on purpose.

Soulstealer
09-25-2007, 04:12 AM
*sigh*

My mind went stright there, with no stopping it.

... and even worse, the pipe organ in question was the one designed by Bergholt Stuttley Johnson, aka Bloody Stupid Johnson...


Dear gods, that's worse than a regular organ with the added effect of what would happen if the Librariann found you messing with it.

Dorath
09-25-2007, 04:32 AM
My dad does this for his job (he's an insurance estimator and so getting license plates right is very important) but he makes up the words as he goes along, e.g: "Tiger Harold Xylophone One One Three Eight".

Cookie for the (many possible) reference(s).
THX 1138, George Lucas's first movie.

HawaiianShirts
09-25-2007, 06:12 AM
Guy 1: "Chewing gum, chewing gum, chewing gum. Ah ha! Chewing gum! Dude over here!"
Guy 2: "Is it chewy?"

As I read this, I found myself picturing Smeagol scuttling about a convenience store behind a couple of foraging hobbits.

Smeagol (Guy 2): What is it they eats, precious? Is it... chewy? Yes? *chew, chew* Blecchh! *spit spit cough* They tries to chokes us! We can't chew hobbits' gum! We must starve!

KyneXY
09-25-2007, 11:59 AM
omg the pipe organ sex thing i hear all the time..
from my sister...
in the last three days apparently i have sex with monkeys, teddy bears, sporks, a spatual, and hair dye....

its a rich and fulfilling sex life ive got to say
Welll hasnt someone gor a adventurous sex Life


I am scared

Jacen
09-25-2007, 12:12 PM
Is that for you or the SC? :confused:
I'm guessing the sleeping pills for the SC, the booze for Gravekeeper :P

Andara Bledin
09-25-2007, 09:55 PM
It's often included in anything touched by George Lucas, as it was the name of his (I believe) first film, made at film school, or something like that, and the sound system was actually named for it. Just a fun fact. You can be sure that any time it shows up in a movie/tv show, either Lucas or a friend of his did it on purpose.

Yup, I knew all that. I've actually seen the movie. I didn't really care for it.

^-.-^

Sliceanddice
09-26-2007, 12:06 AM
Welll hasnt someone gor a adventurous sex Life


I am scared

dont worry sweetie i bite nice

Rahmota
09-26-2007, 12:10 AM
Grave: Ahh well that does change things a bit. You neglected to mention that it was an entire pattern throughout the conversation. IN that case make fun away matey.

Although that in and of itself saying it like he did in your post I still say is a good thing.

Imogene
09-26-2007, 03:19 AM
e.g: "Tiger Harold Xylophone One One Three Eight".

Cookie for the (many possible) reference(s).

Wait... I know I saw a movie with that title as a license plate... Now, what the hell was it in? A.i.?

JustADude
09-26-2007, 03:24 AM
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

Every overheard someone else's conversation and almost had to stop and interrupt them just to ask them to explain themselves? You know, something like

"Yeah, but YOU had sex with a pipe organ!"

Have I mentioned yet I hate having to come down town on Friday nights?

How about "If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college?" :devil:

I'm really surprised it's gotten this far in the thread and nobody's made the reference by now.

ladylabyrinth
09-26-2007, 04:18 AM
Wait... I know I saw a movie with that title as a license plate... Now, what the hell was it in? A.i.?

Acutally, it would be American Graffiti where that first appeared. The actual number was "THX 138" on the character John Milner's car.

Becks
09-26-2007, 05:22 AM
Guy 1: "Chewing gum, chewing gum, chewing gum. Ah ha! Chewing gum! Dude over here!"
Guy 2: "Is it chewy?"

That would be the implication, yes. They do sell "unpleasantly crunchy gum" however I believe its marketed under the brand name "Skor".


NEW!

Bubble
C r u m

[picture of
pink bubble
gum with
crum center
being snapped]

IT'S CRUN-CHEWY!


Says Homer: Oooh, the gum with a cracker center! Mmm!

Jester
09-26-2007, 08:49 AM
Er...wait, what? Your bisexual she-male friend of mixed descent has undergone a rather drastic change. Apparently the surgery was a success and she has grown two additional heads. I shall have to revise the victim's description to Bisexual Trans-gendered Hydra.

I love drinking beer, I do, but I have rarely been so happy NOT to be drinking beer! That last line about killed me!

A bottle of sleeping bills and an entire bottle of Jack Daniels should about do it.

Wait...bills? Like a bottle full of money that is sleeping, just waiting for you to wake it up and spend it? Oh, I want some of THAT!

And the Jack Daniels would be nice too, come to think of it.

I must point out that no matter how jaded, how cosmopolitan, how eclectic your city is, that the appearance of a Bisexual Trans-gendered Hydra (of mixed race (is each head a different one?)) is IN FACT more than enough reason to roust a news crew out of bed at three in the morning. About the only place they wouldn't lead the morning news with it is Key West.

Hey now! I know I say this town is strange--and it is, it really really is--but the appearance of a hydra would certainly be noted. I mean, seriously. How could even this town miss something like that? And if it were a bisexual transgendered hydra, they wouldn't just notice it.

They'd probably elect it Mayor! :lol:

Sliceanddice
09-27-2007, 01:14 AM
...... i wouldn' t elect the hyrda.... nah a politician with one mind is bad enough,.... now.... if her mind was split between the three heads (ala hitchhikers guide) then MAYBE..... but i might elect a bisexual multi racial trans-gendered he-she if they where insane....