Socializing adult cats

[FenigDurak]

I'm in serious need of advice! I'm moving in with my boyfriend and we're experiencing some serious friction from our cats. I have a 7 year old grey named Remmy. He has a 4-6 yr old spotted named Kiki (she was a dumpster kitty, hence the wide age range there).

Kiki adapted quickly to the new house, and Remmy seemed to as well. However, neither can look at each other without puffing up, growling, hissing and wailing. My poor boyfriend has even been caught in the cross hairs and had to have his forearm bandaged last night.

I've bribed with food, toys, catnip, everything I can think of. Is there something I can do, or should be doing, to make this transition as easy as possible for all parties involved?

[sms001]

experiencing some serious friction from our cats.

How long has it been so far? Nothing really unusual if it's only been a week or two, but if you are heading into a month ....?

[auntiem]

I'd leave doors to other rooms open - that way they can stay out of each other's way. They should settle down in a few days. Make sure they have seperate food and water bowls - that helps. If you each have a pillow or blanket with the cat's scent on it maybe put them on opposite ends of the couch - that way each cat has a "place".
When I moved in with my SO, our cats hated each other you pretty much just need to step back and let them do what they are going to do unless serious fur is flying. Our cats never became friends but they would tolerate each other once the initial hissy fits were over. They would still get puffed and hissy if one cat lept onto a chair without checking first to see if the other cat was up there - but amazingly they never did any serious damage to each other.

[blas87]

I feel for ya. My parents took in my grandma's cat, Fanta, for about 6 months. In fact, my dad was finally able to pull some strings with my grandma's landlord and get Fanta moved back in to grandma's new place on Friday.

For six months, we tried to get him to intermingle with FatCat, our 12 year old tortie, and Baby, my 6 year old tiger striped Persian mix. It was unsuccessful. Honestly, every attempt failed. Fanta refused to go near them. The girls would make attempts to sniff him, but he'd hiss. He'd make Baby so angry she'd try to maul him.

I no longer think it's abnormal for cats to go long periods of time without "getting used to" each othe

[Seshat]

However, neither can look at each other without puffing up, growling, hissing and wailing.

As long as they're not actually doing harm to each other, leave them to it. Let them hiss and puff and growl. They'll get over it over time.

If they're actually doing harm to each other, google 'introduce cat' and read up on methods, you may need to do a re-introduction.

Oh, and if they're harming each other, use a water pistol, NOT your arm, to separate them. ;)

[Ringtail Z28]

From what I've seen with adult cats, the best you can hope for is for them to just put up with each other. That's the way it is with my sister's two cats, they stay away from each other whenever possible.

[Amethyst Hunter]

How long has it been since you moved in together? It sounds like everybody's having some territorial issues...

Cats are very territorial critters. They like knowing they have their own space, and can roam that space at will (reason #1 why cats HATE any and all closed doors: they scent-mark - with the glands on their faces; this is why a cat rubs up against you all the time - the places they've been as a 'claim' on it. These 'claims' are time-sensitive, which is why a cat has to go back and do it repeatedly as they see fit).

Make sure all kitties have a hidey-hole they can go to if they're feeling stressed out, and don't attempt to force them to come out (if you're worried about food/water, either put some in an easily accessible place in or near the hidey spot, or just let it be - most cats will eat eventually, but if they continually starve themselves then a visit to the vet is in order). Let them explore the new digs on their terms.

If a confrontation appears imminent, watch them - but don't interfere unless they start getting violent with each other (and as Seshat suggested, keep a water-spray bottle handy to diffuse tensions).

All cats when being introduced to a new fur-friend will immediately scope out the situation and begin forming a hierarchy. Especially if there's a noticeable age difference, the older cat is essentially demanding that the younger pay his/her respects. Expect a lot of yowling and vocalizations as they work out their issues on their own terms. The noise won't be pleasant, but don't punish (i.e., yell or spank or whatever) them for this - it will only stress them out more and prolong the introductory period, because they won't understand why they're being punished for doing something that's perfectly natural behavior for cats.

I went through this a couple of times with cats I've had in the past, and after the initial spit-and-hiss of 'getting to know you' things settled down and everybody was friendly after that. It just takes time (and a lot of patience). Good luck. :)

[TNT]

It's been my experience that it doesn't often happen. I once tried to put two adult cats together. That never worked out, and eventually one had to go.

I then introduced a kitten to the older cat. That worked out better, although the older cat would sometimes rough up the kitten. Nothing too bad, and the two lived together for years.

It's my understanding from the previous owner that my current cat, Tazzy the T-girl! is strictly one cat per house. No attempt to socialize her with another cat ever worked.

My vet told me that when he and wife moved in together, they both had cats. Years later, they still couldn't cross paths without both throwing a hissy fit.

On the other hand, my former neighbors shared about five cats... all of them got along just fine.

[qaxons]

In my experience it's always better to, if you're getting new pets, and you think you want two, get two from the same place at the pet store, better as kittens. Same litter is even better. If you're up to adoption, you're in for a lot of headaches as both cats have to get over their old issues and each other. (Mother would always get two "siblings" never had any problems with each other)

If you have one and want another, adopt if you can, but expect the headaches of introducing new cats. If you really don't want to adopt, get a kitten. The older cat will rough them up, but not hurt them, to assert dominance, barely any yelling, unless the kitten is "evil" (Friends wanted another cat, got a little kitten. Older cat started roughing up the kitten, and now they're best friends and only play fight.)

God help you if you're introducing a group of 2 mature cats, 1 young cat, and a tiny little fresh-weened kitten to each other... Happening right now at the above mentioned friends'... One older cat has been there since they moved in, and the new kitten has been there a while... Other older cat is a lusty guy and the tiny kitten is his kid.

Usual interaction between the older cats is

S = Shadow, older female
MM = Mad Martigan, older, horny, male

MM: Hi!
S: *paw to the face*
MM: How ya doing?
s: *paw to the face*
MM: I liiiiike yooouuuu... ^____^
S: IN BAST'S NAME! WHAT PART OF "PAW TO THE FACE" DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?

The kittens like each other just fine... they may be taking in the tiny one permanently. They're only catsitting for now. Shadow is trying to deal with another adopted kid, and a potential suitor (she's spayed, luckily) while Omen (the middle kitten) is just happy he has someone to beat up now (Older Brother Syndrome), Gizmo (the tiny ball of infinite cuteness) is just confused.

As far as introducing your cats... open doors, water spray bottle, seperate scented hiding places, food and water, and time are all you really need. If they really just can't handle it, lobotomies help (just kidding!)

[Seshat]

S = Shadow, older female
MM = Mad Martigan, older, horny, male

MM: Hi!
S: *paw to the face*
MM: How ya doing?
s: *paw to the face*
MM: I liiiiike yooouuuu... ^____^
S: IN BAST'S NAME! WHAT PART OF "PAW TO THE FACE" DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?


That's very similar to my two.

Sh: Hi! Wanna play?
S: *hiss*
Sh: Please?
S: *hiss* *warning paw*
Sh: Damnit. Okay, I'll ask the dog.

Early on, Sh kept pushing it and getting *paw to the face*. But he's learned.

[qaxons]

That's very similar to my two.

Sh: Hi! Wanna play?
S: *hiss*
Sh: Please?
S: *hiss* *warning paw*
Sh: Damnit. Okay, I'll ask the dog.

Early on, Sh kept pushing it and getting *paw to the face*. But he's learned.

Heh, S and MM are okay with each other now, S still makes noise when he gets close, but no more fighting.

[FenigDurak]

Lessee, we moved Remmy (that's my cat) in on 11/11. Kiki (BF's cat) moved in on 11/2. Kiki was a dumpster kitty that wandered into BF's workshop years ago and he eventually took her home. She's around 7 best we can figure. She has three moods: Nap time, rough house time and LEAVE ME THE F ALONE time.

Remmy I adopted when a friend got a divorce and couldn't keep her. She's also around 7 and came from a 3 cat 1 dog household where she was bullied by the two cats. With me and BF, she's very lovey and calm. She typically has four moods: Love me, Pet me, Love Me Damnit! and I SAID LOVE ME!

When Kiki comes into view (which is rare anymore), Remmy will tend to charge Kiki and I have heard them get into hissing matches that turned into attemted face clawing fights. Neither have been injured yet, but I consider myself very lucky so far. Kiki, when cornered and confronted with Remmy, will scrunch down and sort of roll onto her side, but her ears are flattened and she looks very pissed off. Otherwise, there is a flying puffy chase ensuing through the length of the house ending with Kiki under the bed and Remmy on it, staring down at where Kiki disappeared.

I struggle not to laugh when I see Kiki come flying up the stairs (literally flying because she ran up the stairs so fast) with her entire little body fluffed to the max. I try very hard to pet both of them equally, though Remmy is more of a lap kitty.

If it lasts much longer, I'm going to have to resort to locking Remmy up in my sewing room again while I'm gone. Of course she hates it, but she's being a bully.

[xcaptainhowdyx]

My parent's have 4 cats. When they added the 4th cat, the alpha male/king of the domain went berzerk. He had to be caged for a week. The others, the runt, and the fatty were very accepting. When Link (the king) was exposed to the new cat it was like he was some kind of rabid big cat, even I had trouble controlling him and I'm the only one who can scare him or set him right when he's being bad. So you may have to cage one, but only if they're being extremely insensitive towards each other. We hated to, we're all animal lovers, but Link was going to kill the new cat if we didn't cage him.

[FenigDurak]

Thanks for everyone's advice! I have a few methods I'll be trying one by one until I find one that works for us. I'm just hesitant to give up the dream of a cuddly kitty picture for X-Mas. -=le sigh=- I have a cuddly cat and dog picture of my parent's pets, so why not mine?