Admirer or something else?

[ShinyGreenApple]

This relates to what I posted in this thread (http://www.customerssuck.com/board/showthread.php?t=19750) last week.

Yesterday, I walked into work at roughly 3PM, and the first thing the supervisor says to me is "You have an admirer." Apparently, he had been in earlier that day asking her when I would be in and was quite disappointed that it wouldn't be until later in the afternoon, and told the sup to tell me that he wouldn't be able to come in that day. And also, he thinks I may have lost his phone number, and could he give it to her to give to me?

This particular sup, W, thinks all of this is very sweet and adorable, while the other one, F, is telling me I have a stalker. We laugh about it.

Then today, Mom needed my car so she dropped me off at the entrance and holy shite, can you guess who happened to be taking his daily jog around the store where I work? I decided to give him my number this time, but he would still rather I be the one that did the calling.

This is where I begin to get a bit pissed off. While I didn't say so, I really, really don't like the phone. At all! And I'd much rather be called than do the calling myself. I just don't understand, if he wants to talk to me so badly, what's so hard about doing it himself?

On one hand, I feel a bit badly that he really has been waiting for me to give him a call all week, and I've been the queen of indecision and procrastination (well, aside from trying not to let my hours go over 40 and dealing with holiday insanity at home as well). On the other hand, now that I have given him my number and he still wants me to take the initiative, I'm just irritated. And now F definitely thinks I have a stalker, so I don't know what to think.

Trust me, if anyone would be glad to have an SO in their life right now, it's me. I'd be the first person to tell you that. And notice I said I would be glad to, not "OMG I need a parter in life or I will DIE!" Sometimes I just get that odd jealous feeling when I see all my friends dating and getting engaged and married and all that happy crap. So why am I not being a bit more . . . enthusiastic about this?

*le sigh*

Advice? Anyone?

:( :confused:

[myswtghst]

Oy. I'm a bad person to go to for advice on this, as thanks to an ex, I'm a bit paranoid. As yet, he seems relatively unthreatening, but definitely a bit, shall we say, pushy. Honestly, think to yourself if he's making you feel uncomfortable. If he is, and he's already kind of pissing you off, it doesn't bode terribly well for the future. And just a thought, this gives you a bit of insight into him, I think - he'll probably be a very attentive boyfriend. If that's the sort of thing you like, great, but if you're very independent, he might drive you freaking nuts, as some guys have done to me. :p

I will say that I try to take the attitude of giving everyone a chance, and seeing what can happen. I'd give him a bit more time, and if you think you might have chemistry, give him a call - it's not as if you don't KNOW that he's interested. But don't push it, and don't look for something that's not there.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

If he was that hot to "run into" you, why not just go into where you work? Why loiter around the block untill he sees you? That's fucking creepy.

"lost your number?" had you given it to him before? If not, he's lying to people to get personal info you didn't' give him? Fucking creepy.

And if you've given him your number, told him to call you, and he STILL won't call...DINGDINGDING we have a loser! And what kind of limpdick can't work up the berries to call a woman who has INVITED him to call her?

Pass, girl. Sorry, this guy is weird. And fucking creepy.

[myswtghst]

"lost your number?" had you given it to him before? If not, he's lying to people to get personal info you didn't' give him? Fucking creepy.

From the OP, I think she stated that he thought that she lost his number, and was wondering if that was why she hadn't called him.

[DarthRetard]

Yeah, he definitely said the OP had lost his number.

The stalking claim is a little harsh IMHO. I mean, who's to say he doesnt work down the street, or doesn't shop somewhere near by, and has caught a glimpse of the OP from afar?

How else is a guy in this day and age supposed to come out of nowhere in the open, ask a girl for her number, and try to NOT sound like someone with an ulterior motive?

[ShinyGreenApple]

Well, I just found it odd that he came in Saturday asking management for me and then shows up right at the door when I came in Sunday. Yes, it could be coincidence, one of the managers is just a stone's throw away from the place, for that matter.

But I'm still ticked that he's all "No, you call." Heaven help me, are we in middle school? :eek:

[ArenaBoy]

If you do like the guy and you want to do something and he still insists on you calling give it a shot. I hate calling people and talking on the phone and it makes it extremely hard for me to call someone up. Especially if it's a girl that I'm interested in. Just take a deep breath and do it.

As for the popping up thing, who knows. If it gets to the point that he's coming in all the time and asking the manager every day or every hour. Then yes that's stalking. Two events within two days is odd but sometimes there are exceptions.

Also, don't pursue it if you're not that interested. Yes it sucks having friends who are dating and you're single but that feeling most experience is jealously IMO.

[Amethyst Hunter]

Yes it sucks having friends who are dating and you're single but that feeling most experience is jealously IMO.

Semi- :ot: - Some years ago my brother got a house, and I remember feeling very jealous at the time. Then I realized after a while that it wasn't the fact that he had a house and I didn't that bothered me - it was the stability that that house represented. Once I realized that, the jealousy went away and I was able to be happy for my brother.

'Fraid I can't be of much help re: the 'admirer' though - I have zilch experience in that department. However, I can recognize bullshit when I smell it, so if things turn stalkery, listen to the wise folks here on CS. ;)

[Crazeyal]

Milady...

I'm hearing uncertainty, a little fear, a good deal of doubt, and a good deal of common sense. You said it yourself, you aren't desperate, but vaugely interested. You aren't stupid. There are bad people out there. This guy sets off warning bells, but no klaxxon horns. If you are interested, go for it. Just be safe. Set a date in a public area and either bring a friend or set limits. Don't let this guy find out where you live. Then move forward.

If this person IS a stalker, you aren't going to discourage him by saying no. Hiding from people without perfection just leads to loneliness. You don't have to settle, you don't have to marry the guy, but you SOUND interested. Regret fades, but if it's from something you didn't do, it's far worse than from something you couldn't help.

[ShinyGreenApple]

I'm beginning to think this is an awful case in which two very shy people are both too nervous to call each other :eek:

[Rahmota]

To give my 2 centicreds: It does sound like you said Lady. It sounds like what you think it is might be what it is. I wouldnt say he s a stalker, yet. He hasnt done anythign overtly threatening like was mentioned.

He hasnt tried to wheedle personal info out of your coworkers or anythign has he?
he hasn't tried to follow you around the workplace or from the workplace to find out where you live has he?
He hasn't assumed any closer personal relationship than what exists yet has he?

As for the "no you call" attitude he might be nervous that you're just gonna blow him off and if you call then that shows you are interested in him in some mannner. But if he calls you then you can either blow him off, give him the run around or go running to the cops and scream stalker or harrassment. A little bit of paranoia on his part maybe but understandable givin how quick osme people are to overreact in that regards.

I'm not saying go run into this open armed, definately not. ust because you're a little paranoid doesnt mean someone isnt out to get you. Be careful, go slowly and treat it as a potential something happening, Either good or bad somethign will happen. Hopefully it'll be somethign good and you'll have a great time. Good luck.

[Seshat]

If you're not getting creepy vibes, call him. Arrange a meeting in a very public place - a cafe or something. Make it a lunchtime meeting, or some other time when you genuinely do have to be somewhere else afterwards.

Do the meet, go to the somewhere else, think about it. If you get creepy vibes, then call him and say 'sorry, I don't think we're compatible'. Let him down firmly but politely - and don't blow off that task! If you need to let him down, you do need to do it. Once you've let him down, if he pushes it past a reasonable 'disappointed would-be SO' reaction, it's time to start thinking 'stalker'.

If you don't get creepy vibes, make another public-place meeting, preferably in the daytime, but with a longer time available before you have to be somewhere else. Do arrange something for that evening - you don't want him (yet) to have a reason to go someplace private with you.

From there, if you still don't get creepy vibes, go for it. And have fun.

[ShinyGreenApple]

Firstly, thanks to everyone who's replied here. I realize I failed to show a bit of gratitude when I was having a minor panic here ;)

After much playing of voicemail tag today, we finally managed the phone call, and I've reached the conclusion that, although a genuinely nice guy, it seems, there are a few factors that were mentioned that make me know without a doubt that the two of us aren't compatible. The sucky part now is putting that in as nice a way as possible :rolleyes:

Ah well, it was flattering, anyways.

[Rahmota]

Ahh well too bad. At least you found out that he was legit at least. Maybe next time....Good luck.