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Alfie
01-09-2008, 10:21 PM
For a long time, I have wanted to move out with my boyfriend. We have been together for over 4 years now, and it seems like it's been the right time for a long time. I also feel that at 21, I should start seeking to have an independant lifestyle. I think it's because my brothers continue to expect support from my parents at 22 and 30, and I really hate it. I want to be my own person, and really enjoy living my own life. Another reason is also because my home life here has been very unpredictable in the last... hmmm 7 years or so now. My brother will cause chaos to the household, even when he doesn't "live" at home. It has screwed up my life so many times, and I just want to have a predictable lifestyle, knowing that he isn't able to come into my home, get pissed off his face, smoke pot and cause a scene. Finally he wouldn't have access to my personal space.

The only thing that has been stopping me has been finances. I have never considered myself to be earning enough to be able to afford to move out, and my partner makes about AUD$10 an hour.

This is where it gets exciting (for me anyway). My parents a few months back offered to pay $70 of our rent if we wanted to move out. (I guess that means that I wont be as independant as I thought :P) I have always thought that the $70 would be great, but wouldn't be enough to allow me to afford to leave home.

However, I happened to go on the internet looking for rentals, which I do once in a while when I'm stuck on the dream to leave home. And what did I find there but a unit for $180 per week. Considering the rentals we have had a look at online have been around the $250 mark, this is an increadibly cheap prospect. It would mean that rent for us would only be $55 each!

I messaged my boyfriend about it last night, and he said that we'll talk about it when he finishes work today. He has told me not to get too excited, but it seems to me that moving out is becomming more and more of a possibility. Every time we talk about it (periodically), it seems to be a goal I can reach more easily.

And so here are the pros of moving out:
-I no longer have to worry about not having a predictable home life.
-My trip to University would be cut in half at least, from a over 1hr trip (not including waiting time), to a 30 minute trip (including waiting time).
-I will be living with someone who will support me through university, and through the ups and downs of everyday life.
-I will be living with someone I can support through his life, and through anything that may pop up. He also happens to be my best friend, and the only person I could ever consider living with.
-I would start to live a healthy lifestyle because of his support. At the moment, I don't eat very well. I am lazy, I have a sweet tooth, and I don't have the encouragement I need. I would eat well, and also begin to exercise. It is a joint goal of ours, and so we would have eachother to encourage.

I calculated all the possible costs which I think we could oncurr during a week, and I found that I would only have to work 15 hrs week in order to afford to move out! With uni, it isn't too much of a commitment. And the wages aren't including public holidays, nor Sundays. With the extra money, I could save for when I can't work many shifts a week.

The only issue I have is that my dad works overseas, so my mum and I live together. I don't know if my brother has permanently moved in, but if so, I don't know how comforting it would be for my mum. I really don't want to make her lonely, and I want to ensure that she enjoys her life. It seems like many things in my family have become my responsibility, and I have added this to the list. I think I have to just ignore this, and just do what makes me happy. Afterall, surely a 54year old woman is responsible for her own happiness?

Sorry about the long post, but any advice would be fantastic. I know this is still just a pipedream, but I can see that my life would improve so much if my dream became a reality. I guess I didn't take my boyfriend's advice, turns out I'm pretty excited about the prospect.

BookstoreEscapee
01-09-2008, 11:52 PM
I just moved out a couple months ago (granted, I don't have the chaos in my parents' house that you seem to. I'm also 32). It's actually the second time I have moved out (I plan to make it stick, this time ;)). It's nice to be on my own (I have a roommate and we hang out in the evenings and whatnot, but we don't have to "report" to each other like I always felt I had to with my parents). Though I stayed home sick today and my mom came over for a few hours this afternoon and took care of me and we watched wedding shows on WE TV.

If you can afford it and you think it will make your life better, then I say go for it. You are at an age where you should start to develop your own life. I'm sure your mom will be all right. I'm sure she expects you to move out at some point. You are an adult and need to do what is best for you. Besides, it doesn't sound like you are looking to move all that far away...not like your mom won't ever get to see you.

PS I also have a sweet tooth and not the best eating habits. It's something I want to work on. If your BF is willing to do it with you and support you all the better. Sometimes I wish I had someone to hold me accountable that way...

Boozy
01-10-2008, 12:21 AM
And so here are the pros of moving out:
-I no longer have to worry about not having a predictable home life.
-My trip to University would be cut in half at least, from a over 1hr trip (not including waiting time), to a 30 minute trip (including waiting time).
-I will be living with someone who will support me through university, and through the ups and downs of everyday life.
-I will be living with someone I can support through his life, and through anything that may pop up. He also happens to be my best friend, and the only person I could ever consider living with.
-I would start to live a healthy lifestyle because of his support. At the moment, I don't eat very well. I am lazy, I have a sweet tooth, and I don't have the encouragement I need. I would eat well, and also begin to exercise. It is a joint goal of ours, and so we would have eachother to encourage.

Some of these points are valid reasons to move out. For example, proximity to your school is a good thing, as is your desire to move forward in your relationship with your SO.

I'm concerned that you're expecting too much. Where you sleep does not change who you are. For example, what is stopping you from living a healthy lifestyle right now? You can't expect your sweet tooth to disappear overnight just because you've moved. I'm sure your partner will be an inspiration and a support, but its not fair to put too much on him.

And there is no guarantee that your home life will become "predictable". I suspect it will be somewhat more peaceful for you, but who knows what may happen? You don't know what life will throw at you.

You also need to take a good long look at this cheap apartment - you get what you pay for. Don't forget to run the water, check the appliances, and ask for references.

With all that said, if you find the apartment suitable, go for it! You're definitely at the age where you should leave home and start living independently. Its an exciting time, as long as you move forward with realistic expectations.

Remember - wherever you go, there you are.

BookstoreEscapee
01-11-2008, 12:42 AM
Where you sleep does not change who you are. For example, what is stopping you from living a healthy lifestyle right now? You can't expect your sweet tooth to disappear overnight just because you've moved. I'm sure your partner will be an inspiration and a support, but its not fair to put too much on him.

While this is very true, it is also often the case that living "at home" leads people to stay in a particular role that they have always lived...being "the messy one" or "the quiet one" or "the lazy one" and it can be difficult to change those habits when you are surrounded by the people who have always known you as "that" person. You definitely shouldn't expect your life to magically change just because you move out, but if you can use moving away from the familiar surroundings as a sort of springboard for developing into the person you want to be, it can be a very good thing. And if your boyfriend shares some of your goals and you can encourage each other in them, then all the better. (Just don't blame each other for the inevitable bag of cookies and other setbacks.)