AnqeiicDemise
01-20-2008, 04:31 PM
Mods: I don't know if this belongs here or not. Please move if needs be.
Background:
Husband generally has a good sense of humor and tons of patience. When he's sick, however, his mean streak of humor comes out. He goes from being his sweet young self to a cranky old fart.
When I came hom from work yesterday, he tells me the following story. Due to my vivid imagination, I was rolling moments later.
Also, the husband hates the 16 year old neighbor whose room is right next to us. The kid's just an ass, always glaring at my husband when we walk by and its the same dude who came and threw up a stink a few months ago because our bed squeaked (we weren't even sexin', dammnit! It was a piece of crap bed!). Oh, but when we ask he turn his tv down (kid put it next to the wall as retaliation), he'll just blare it.
-------
Its eleven am, the husband's in bed staring at the computer in between torturing the cat with a toy tied to a string. He was getting a kick of Patches getting all worked up and running to the middle of the room only to stop and freak out trying to find the untossed toy. She SAW it leave his hand, why isn't it there? -- at one ponit, he says, she almost ran into the mirror only to stop and fight with herself for a moment.
So he's snickering at our daughter's antics when he hears some rustling outside oru window. His good mood, slowly, starts to fade. After all, he's down right positive its our lovely next door neighbor being an ass again. Thinking that the brat's coming over to complain of my cat's loud playing in our bedroom, husband gets out of bed and meanders to the door and proceeds to lie in wait.
It wasn't the neighbor. The husband's heart breaks a little. He decides to turn around and go back to bed when this stops him:
Boy1: But... but.. what if nobody is home, then?
Boy2: Simple, you just kick the door!
Boy1: But why would I do that?
Boy2: Because... I don't know.. it serves them right?
At this point, the husband has creeped up to the door again and is peeping through the peep hole. He sees two boys, about fourteen years of age, discussing their plan to each other. Hubby grins, quietly places his hand on the knob and proceeds to wait, again, to find the perfect opportunity to pounce.
Hubs can see the lopsided image of Boy1 take a step back and stare out our door while his friend encourages him to keep giong. Boy 1 nods, lifts his leg back and kicks.
Oh, but its not over!
As the boy kicks, husband pulls the door open and yells "AHA!!!!!" and proceeds to wave his hand around. I can see him resembling the old guy from that one pixlar movie whose house is haunted.
Kids freak out. Boy1 stumbles to the ground, screaming, boy2 just stands there staring in shock, face pale.
boy2: Um.. uh... we were wondering if you would be interested in helping our paper route ser-
H: NO!!!
boy2: but you wouldn't be paying for the paper except for the sunday ed--
H: NO!!!
boy2: See, I don't know about him -pointing to boy1- but it would certainly help me as my dad just got surgery and my family is in an unstable fin--
H: -glowers, steps forward- you mean to tell me, that you want MY MONEY for a service I DON'T WANT from a pair of brats who have NO RESPECT for my house when I'm not here? I SAID NO! GET OUT OF MY DOORWAY!
boy2: But...sir, we nee--
H: -growls-
boy1: Come on, lets go! -drags boy2 away-
H: -grabs my wand on top of the fire extingquisher case, its a stick about two feet long, two inches thick. Chases the kids out past the staircase, waving the stick around.-
Once the kids are gone, he goes back in, closes the door and proceeds to laugh like the maniac he's become.
Background:
Husband generally has a good sense of humor and tons of patience. When he's sick, however, his mean streak of humor comes out. He goes from being his sweet young self to a cranky old fart.
When I came hom from work yesterday, he tells me the following story. Due to my vivid imagination, I was rolling moments later.
Also, the husband hates the 16 year old neighbor whose room is right next to us. The kid's just an ass, always glaring at my husband when we walk by and its the same dude who came and threw up a stink a few months ago because our bed squeaked (we weren't even sexin', dammnit! It was a piece of crap bed!). Oh, but when we ask he turn his tv down (kid put it next to the wall as retaliation), he'll just blare it.
-------
Its eleven am, the husband's in bed staring at the computer in between torturing the cat with a toy tied to a string. He was getting a kick of Patches getting all worked up and running to the middle of the room only to stop and freak out trying to find the untossed toy. She SAW it leave his hand, why isn't it there? -- at one ponit, he says, she almost ran into the mirror only to stop and fight with herself for a moment.
So he's snickering at our daughter's antics when he hears some rustling outside oru window. His good mood, slowly, starts to fade. After all, he's down right positive its our lovely next door neighbor being an ass again. Thinking that the brat's coming over to complain of my cat's loud playing in our bedroom, husband gets out of bed and meanders to the door and proceeds to lie in wait.
It wasn't the neighbor. The husband's heart breaks a little. He decides to turn around and go back to bed when this stops him:
Boy1: But... but.. what if nobody is home, then?
Boy2: Simple, you just kick the door!
Boy1: But why would I do that?
Boy2: Because... I don't know.. it serves them right?
At this point, the husband has creeped up to the door again and is peeping through the peep hole. He sees two boys, about fourteen years of age, discussing their plan to each other. Hubby grins, quietly places his hand on the knob and proceeds to wait, again, to find the perfect opportunity to pounce.
Hubs can see the lopsided image of Boy1 take a step back and stare out our door while his friend encourages him to keep giong. Boy 1 nods, lifts his leg back and kicks.
Oh, but its not over!
As the boy kicks, husband pulls the door open and yells "AHA!!!!!" and proceeds to wave his hand around. I can see him resembling the old guy from that one pixlar movie whose house is haunted.
Kids freak out. Boy1 stumbles to the ground, screaming, boy2 just stands there staring in shock, face pale.
boy2: Um.. uh... we were wondering if you would be interested in helping our paper route ser-
H: NO!!!
boy2: but you wouldn't be paying for the paper except for the sunday ed--
H: NO!!!
boy2: See, I don't know about him -pointing to boy1- but it would certainly help me as my dad just got surgery and my family is in an unstable fin--
H: -glowers, steps forward- you mean to tell me, that you want MY MONEY for a service I DON'T WANT from a pair of brats who have NO RESPECT for my house when I'm not here? I SAID NO! GET OUT OF MY DOORWAY!
boy2: But...sir, we nee--
H: -growls-
boy1: Come on, lets go! -drags boy2 away-
H: -grabs my wand on top of the fire extingquisher case, its a stick about two feet long, two inches thick. Chases the kids out past the staircase, waving the stick around.-
Once the kids are gone, he goes back in, closes the door and proceeds to laugh like the maniac he's become.