My poor friend!

[Misanthropical]

My friend's mother was dying in a nursing home type home. My friend left every night to be with her mother. My friend wanted to be with her mother when her mother died.

On Tuesday night, she was there all night because the nurses thought her mother would die that night, she didn't.

So, Wed. my friend went into work. All of sudden I see her running around and ask her what is going on. Her mother died while she was at work.

I haven't seen my friend since that night and haven't talked to her either. I want to do something, but I don't know what to say besides how sorry I am.

I don't know if she's coming back to work. I'm hoping she is because I miss her being there. On the other hand, I know how close she was to her mother and how hard this has to be on her.

[Rapscallion]

The one thing she won't want is to be ignored - unless you get indications otherwise, the best thing you can do is tell her how sorry you are. After that, try for normalcy a little at a time.

Your mileage may vary, but it worked for a colleague of mine recently.

Rapscallion

[Sheldonrs]

The bests things you can say to your friend are "I'm Sorry" and "I'm there if you need me".

[draftermatt]

Personally I'd stay away from "Sorry" but "I'm here if you need me" is a good one.

I never understood why people apologize when someone dies.

[Tanasi]

I don't about up in yankee land but down here (and why I don't know) we make something to eat (casarole or fried chicken) and take it to them, offer condolences and a should to cry on.
I've been on both sides in that I really didn't know what to say and really didn't want to say something stupid and when my father passed some folks said some of the most stupid things I've every heard.

[justZu]

I am terrible with words when trying to comfort someone. I get very tongue-tied and afraid of making their pain worse.

However, when my Mom died it was comforting just to hear people express their sadness at my loss. If you knew her Mom, she might like to hear a nice memory you have. For instance:"I'm so sorry for your loss. I'll never forget (a meaningful memory) about your Mom. It was so special to me." It made me feel better to hear the nice ways my Mom had affected other people's lives.
It was also helpful and appreciated to receive food. We were so busy arranging things and so sad the rest of the time, it was a blessing not to have to cook. If your friend has young children, she might appreciate an offer of babysitting during the viewing or afterwards if she needs some alone time to grieve.

Just a few thoughts. Hope this helps. :)

[justZu]

I never understood why people apologize when someone dies.

I don't think its necessarily "sorry" as apology, more like "I feel bad that you are suffering a loss".

And "I'm here if you need me". Is always the right thing to say. :)

[Misanthropical]

I just called her, to let her know I was here if she needed anything. She said she will probably be back to work on Monday. I asked her if she was sure she was up to that and take more time if she needed.

She said she would let me know. I told her I wasn't worried about the ride to work, just that she took the time she needed.

She is a great person and I hate seeing her in so much pain and I can't do a thing about it. :(

[aniwahya]

I'm sorry for your friend. I don't know if you could say this to them, but having been around nursing homes (mom is a nurse and I've had several older relatives pass away in them) but sometimes people wait until their loved one is gone to make the transition. My mom thinks it's because they want to protect their loved one from seeing them die. In other words, they do it out of love.