Bad References Or No References?

[Sableonblonde]

I am wondering, which is better - bad job references, or no job references?

I've worked a lot of jobs in my life thus far, but for myriad reasons I don't want to get into, I don't have a single good reference. There is no company I've worked for that would put in a good word for me. I've never done anything bad or illegal, and I've always been a GREAT employee while I was there, but for one reason or another I've always quit suddenly without giving any notice. Plus, I have huge gaps in my employment history.

So I don't know what to do. Sometimes I think it would be better to just "start over" and act like I've never worked before. But...that would be lying. Yet there is no way I can be completely honest about my employment history and still look even vaguely attractive to a perspective employer. I really don't know what I should do :(

[blas87]

I'm sure potential employers can figure out where you've been.

That's why I have to be extremely, extremely, extremely careful when I put down old jobs. I quit the honkey tonk restaurant with no notice. I called them and said "Fuck you I quit!" basically.

[myswtghst]

Depending on where you live, I know in some states/places they aren't supposed to be able to do much beyond confirming that you did work there. My references are currently my college adviser, a former employer, and a guy who runs the theatre company I sometimes work for, on a volunteer basis.

[tropicsgoddess]

References don't necessarily have to be your former employer, see if you can get former teachers or profs of yours (if you recently left school or are still in school) or some GOOD friends that can make you look good. I normally don't list any references considering my spotty job history.

[Gurndigarn]

No experience at all would be REAL hard to explain.

[Sableonblonde]

It's just so frustrating for me, because even though I keep trying to get back out there and get back on the horse and make some kind of job work, it seems like I have to fight against myself all the time. Usually the excitement of starting a new job puts me in a happy, healthy mood for about a month or so. But then it all goes downhill. I either completely lose all of my energy, so that my whole body feels heavy and I have to drag myself around, or else I get stressed out to the point where I can't eat or sleep for weeks. I might get one hour of sleep a night, tops, and I'll be physically unable to eat. It's so scary.

How do you fight against something like that? It happens to me everytime, and it is so frustrating. The worst part is I doubt anything will change even if I can get hired somewhere new. This is a pattern I've had since my very first job at 18. Maybe I will just keep on letting my boyfriend support me...I don't know. I have such a shoddy work history and no way to explain it...telling prospective employers "Oh, I had to quit all of my jobs because I either had literally not enough energy to move, or else I'd be unable to sleep or eat for weeks" wouldn't really inspire too much confidence, I don't think.

At my mom's urging I applied for disability payments several years ago, but was turned down. They said I was capable of working and I believe that, plus I don't think there really is anything "wrong" with me. I know that I have a really bad eating disorder, and my day is centered around it, but I think once I start working again I'll have less time to obsess about food so it'll be less of an issue. I just worry nothing will ever change, even if I do get another job. It is the same old story everytime.

Another issue is that I just don't have any references at all, not even personal ones. Well, my boyfriend and my cousin, but those don't really count. I don't go out much or have any friends, and I've never made friends with anybody I've ever worked with. Arrrggghhh. I guess I just have to keep turning in applications wherever I can and hope to get lucky.

[myswtghst]

Even if you just have 1 good reference on there, it will help. Having nothing on there will look much worse (IMO) and chances are, they may not even contact anyone on there, so long as your resume looks good.

And get your butt to a therapist, ASAP. Hopefully you have health insurance, or your bf does, or you can get some with a new job. If you're battling an eating disorder on your own, and add to that some type of anxiety/depression issues that seem to occur with every job you get, you need to talk to someone about it, someone who can help you do something.

I've got a close friend who was rather the same way - she started talking to a professional about it, and got herself a new job she likes quite well, in spite of all the places she only worked at for a short time with multiple call outs on her resume, and she's quite happy and been there for several months, now. So it can be done.

Good luck!