Stop hitting me b**ch! [Archive]

SnapAddict218

03-25-2008, 07:51 PM

I went to meet my boyfriend last night and we were chatting as we walked inside. About mid sentence I hear rapidly approaching footfalls behind me, immediately followed by a deafening ‘SNAP’ and I lurch forward nearly falling down. The next thing I am aware of is the hot stinging raging pain radiating from my right butt cheek. Tears sprung to my eyes and the breath caught in my throat as I whirled around ready to throw down with who ever hit me. Suddenly I’m face to face with my sister in law, grinning like a moron and informing me “Gotcha!” She had run across the room, wound up like a major league pitcher, and let one hellatious open handed slap loose on my fanny. I was still wearing yoga pants-which are about as close as you can get to wearing nothing at all, so it felt like taking a hit on bare skin. Why’d she do this? (Aside from the fact that she’s a socially retarded ‘b’ word AND ‘c’ word?) Because to her that was ‘fun’. I absolutely lost it. Not only did it hurt like the dickens, but it was a highly inappropriate way of ‘greeting’ someone (considering there were impressionable kids around). Not to mention that I was embarrassed a little too (someone just spanked me to tears in front of a room full of people). I know she’s not used to me standing up for myself when it comes to her bullying and physical “jokes” but I’ve really had enough of it. Struggling to save face, as she’s the one with egg on her face now, she shot back (a little too over casually) “Well I didn’t think you’d get so pissed off.” With out missing a beat (and still rubbing the sting out of my cheek) I screeched back “YOU HIT ME!! WHAT DID YOU EXPECT??!!!” One of the idiot friends watching this made the pissed off cat sound and hollered ‘Cat fight!” (Which I ignored; I am growing less and less fond of the guys every day.) She claimed that she really didn’t mean to hit me that hard and finally apologized. I ended the interaction by suggesting that she not hit people to begin with; it’s not nice and it hurts. I walked away to get me a beer then, leaving her gaping and shamed. Oh, she left a mark too.

She’s gotten better over the years, if you can believe that. She used to pinch me until the skin turned purple and then heckle me for crying out. She’d pull my hair, pinch me, slap and hit me, trip me, give me ‘flat tires’ and wedgies, and try to unhook by bra around the people whom I would be most embarrassed in front of (my dad, brother, strangers, etc.). She’d push me into walls and off steps, cackling uncontrollably when I’d fall down-especially if I landed in the mud or otherwise soiled myself. She was forever bumping my arm when trying to eat, making me either spill the food all over my shirt or stab myself in the mouth with the utensil. Same went for beverages-I can’t tell you how many cups have been knocked out of my hand or applied to the crotch of my pants due to a carefully timed bump to the elbow. You know that trick where you tap the top of a full beer bottle and it foams over? It gets old after about 2 times. There was one evening where she ruined/wasted 6 or 7 bottles (out of a 12 pack). I gave up and just drank water.

I know it sounds like something children might go through, but I’m 25 and she’s 27 (and a mom!). When this first started we were 17 and 19. Chew on that for a while. It’s embarrassing to get bullied like that when you’re in your mid 20’s-especially if the offender is a [supposed] member of the family. Since I couldn’t stand up to her (because she’d just pinch, push, and kick harder) I just started avoiding her and any situations that might involve her.

I just cannot figure out what’s wrong with this chick.

RecoveringKinkoid

03-25-2008, 07:57 PM

What's wrong with her is that nobody's hauled off and delivered a good solid right hook to the side of her face.

Just sayin'.

Pedersen

03-25-2008, 08:03 PM

My replies by now would be one of two things:

1: Payback in kind. Smack my ass? Bend over, because it's coming right back atcha.

2: One night in jail would help express the extreme displeasure. With a room full of witnesses to assault and battery, it should be fairly easy to get the police to accommodate the request.

I would highly recommend one or the other for the next "encounter".

Eireann

03-25-2008, 08:10 PM

WHY on EARTH have you let her abuse you like this? It's long past time for you to go off on her, public or not. She should have faced legal action for this years ago; she's never going to stop until she experiences the direct causes of her actions. Plus, if she does this in front of her kids, she's teaching them to be violent, bullying monsters. I don't care that she's related by marriage; let her know in no uncertain terms that if she EVER assaults you again in ANY way, she WILL be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

No excuses.

MystyGlyttyr

03-25-2008, 08:10 PM

I had that friend. Granted, we were in GRADE SCHOOL, but still. Anyway, I pushed him into a fireant mound and wouldn't let him up till he started crying. He never did it again. We're still friends today and he learned an important lesson about hitting girls. :angel:

This lady sounds like a first-class fuckmonkey.

iradney

03-25-2008, 08:12 PM

I agree. It falls under assualt and battery, especially since you now have a room full of witnesses. People that have seen her hit you, you tell her to stop it and why it's wrong. If she does it again, PRESS CHARGES.

You say she's a Mom. God only knows what she does to her kids if that's what she does to adults. (Assumption? Yes. But I'm in a cynical mood).

RecoveringKinkoid

03-25-2008, 08:15 PM

She's doing it because she can. You need to make her stop. Interpret that any way it works for you.

Either make her stop, or learn to like it. Those are pretty much your options.

XCashier

03-25-2008, 08:16 PM

Good grief, my six-year-old son knows better than to do that to people! This woman is 27 and she's still acting like this? I agree with the other posters; give her the smackdown next time, whether physical or legal. You should not have to put up with abuse, and she should learn not to abuse others.

Greenday

03-25-2008, 08:19 PM

Five starring people is a perfectly acceptable way to greet another person...as long as they don't care about that kind of thing. I do it to friends when we hang out every now and then. In fact, I'm about to do it to my friend that is watching everything I'm typing right now...Eh, she's too scared, no fun.

Sounds like she does need to grow up a lil bit and learn this is a time and a place for everything.

SnapAddict218

03-25-2008, 08:41 PM

Five starring people is a perfectly acceptable way to greet another person...

Yea ok it is. I sneak up on the BF and pinch his hiney all the time-but not to the point that I hurt him. Horsing around becomes a problem when you [intentionally] take it too far and cause harm or injury to the other person.

Hello Kitty

03-25-2008, 10:23 PM

Crimeny. Does she do this to other people, or just you? She sounds like she needs to push you around so she can feel "better" about herself. You need to get in her face and ask her LOUDLY and in public why her self esteem is so low that she needs to belittle others to feel okay about herself. What a bully.

thegiraffe

03-25-2008, 10:32 PM

Next time, just don't even look....swing. Hard.

When she protests, say "well, how do YOU like it?"

Hopefully, that'll solve the problem.

Bright_Star

03-25-2008, 10:49 PM

myswtghst

03-25-2008, 11:04 PM

I'll chime in and agree with those that this witch needs a wake up call in a big way. While I know I'd be hesitant to press charges in that situation, unless I was sure I had the family behind me, I would not hesitate to take a swing at this chick.

I won't start a fight, but I'll be damned if I'm not going to finish it. And whether you do so verbally - constantly reminding her *just* how immature she's being, encouraging your bf not to laugh when she pulls this shite, and even just telling her she's a witch - or by responding in kind, I do think it's necessary.

Heck, when she pulls the stuff that causes spills or stains, start requesting she pay you back for the clothing she potentially ruins. Or at least that she pay to have it cleaned.

Good luck.

protege

03-26-2008, 12:33 AM

...and I thought my brother was bad. He'd do things like that when we were younger. I'd be minding my own business, and he'd go out of his way to annoy me. Every now and then he'd hit me...and I'd pound him. Then he'd go crying to Mommy. Every time she'd say something like "Pro probably told you to stop, you didn't, he hit back" :D

RecoveringKinkoid

03-26-2008, 01:52 AM

Had that been me I would have hit her. Because she thought it was funny doesn't mean that it was. Joking around is one thing but when people start hitting somebody cause it's "fun" then it's not humerous anynmore.

Oh, me too. I would have turned around and knocked the living s:censored:t out of her. And it would have been so hilarious everyone would be laughing.

And by laughing, I mean dialing 911.

SnapAddict218

03-26-2008, 02:06 AM

Oh, she's nasty to everyone, but she thumps on me because...well..because she's bigger than me and if I were to hit back it wouldn't do much. She is a bully and she does feel bad about herself and for what ever reason she chooses to take it out on me. I will not hit her back because I'm not that kind of person. She's virtually friendless due to her behavior and thats fine with me. Sometimes she can be really nice and we get along pretty good, but she always shits on it by doing something like this. After I got in her face and 'knocked her down a peg' (as the BF would say) she was absolutly perfect.

I need to verbally smack her when she gets uppity-it works every time and she stops being a stupid hobag, but most of the time I am just so shocked that a grown woman would act this way that I cant do much more than walk away.

Becks

03-26-2008, 03:01 AM

What's wrong with her is that nobody's hauled off and delivered a good solid right hook to the side of her face.

Can I volunteer for that?

myswtghst

03-26-2008, 03:23 AM

Every time she'd say something like "Pro probably told you to stop, you didn't, he hit back"

My brother is big - we're talking 6'5" ish, 200lbs. I am not - 5'7" on a good day, and not real muscular. I learned quite quickly after his growth spurt how to quickly and efficiently cause enough pain to get him to knock it off when he was being annoying - including knocking the wind out of him. :o Did that the first time on accident and nearly gave mom a heart attack - but he behaved for the next several days without pestering me. :D

AnqeiicDemise

03-26-2008, 04:29 AM

I had a "friend" who did that to me. She didn't like it when I gave her a dose of her own medicine.

She tried to 'teach me a lesson' by being stupid in front of our family and friends. At that point I was so incensed that I went off on her and made it a point to emphasize the fact she was being a KID and immature. The verbal onslaught caught her off guard and it made her stop as I made it also a point to give her my patented death glare.

I say, whenever she starts, treat her like a little girl. "Are you okay? Are you lost? Do you need me to find your mommy?" or "Are those dirty diapers making it uncomfortable to walk?" in a really loud fashion. If she asks what the hell's the matter with you, tell her you don't find her infantile humor funny and that you'll treat her like a toddler until she knocks it the fuck off.

RayvenQ

03-26-2008, 11:11 AM

The thing with bullies is that all it takes if for you to stand up to them once, to show them that you aren't afraid and most bullies will leave you alone then. Whether you hit back or refuse to "bow down" to them depends on you and the other person.

I'm reminded of what happened with me at school, I got bullied, a lot, and one day I'd just had enough of a particular person doing it to me, so I turned on them, tackled them and began to scrap with them. After it was broken up and the dust had settled, we ended up being alright friends.

If you saw me and my cousin, you'd think we hate each other, since we're always scrapping, she throws punches (thankfully avoiding hitting my face) I just twist her arms round or grab her pressure points. She likes scrapping with me becaue I do scrap back, albeit somewhat gentlemanly like (I'd never throw a punch at her or do anything violent to her) Though she does had a bad habit of giving me nipple twists, which aren't all that fun and while I do have permisssion from her mother to do it back to her, I don't as that'd just be a bit too strange for me considering we are related.

crazylegs

03-26-2008, 11:29 AM

So she'e bigger than you? Well a face full of pepper spray would balance the odds

"I'm sorry officer I was struck without warning from behind and was frightened for my own personal safety"

If of course such articles are legal in your jurisdiction! :devil:

FuzzyKitten99

03-26-2008, 03:17 PM

maybe a tazer gun... i hear you can pick them up cheap online now... :D

crazylegs

03-26-2008, 03:19 PM

maybe a tazer gun... i hear you can pick them up cheap online now... :D

In addition some also have MP3 players inbuilt.

Shocking, I know.

XCashier

03-26-2008, 03:20 PM

I say, whenever she starts, treat her like a little girl. "Are you okay? Are you lost? Do you need me to find your mommy?" or "Are those dirty diapers making it uncomfortable to walk?" in a really loud fashion. If she asks what the hell's the matter with you, tell her you don't find her infantile humor funny and that you'll treat her like a toddler until she knocks it the fuck off.
That's a good idea. I hope she's intelligent enough to get the message. If not, maybe a call to the nice men in the white coats might be in order... :bounce:
maybe a tazer gun...
Shocking, I know.
And if you zap her twice, it's revolting! ;)

FuzzyKitten99

03-26-2008, 03:23 PM

In addition some also have MP3 players inbuilt.

Shocking, I know.

pun intended?

crazylegs

03-26-2008, 03:52 PM

pun intended?

Of course! :angel:

protege

03-26-2008, 05:14 PM

I learned quite quickly after his growth spurt how to quickly and efficiently cause enough pain to get him to knock it off when he was being annoying - including knocking the wind out of him.

Funny you should mention that. Both of my younger brothers are over 6' (I'm only about 5'9") yet my 5'3" *mother* can drop them pretty easily. Of course she's been taking judo and self-defense classes, but still. It's pretty hilarious to see those two macho idiots get taken down :D

SnapAddict218

03-27-2008, 04:00 PM

Ha, I'd forgotten one of the most humiliating and awkward moments from our past. It was 2 years ago at the family reunion camp out (where I can't avoid her). (Me: age 23 and her: age 25, BTW) She got a hold of my shoes some how and wouldn't give them back. She stayed just out of my reach, on the sharp gravel where my naked feet didn't dare to walk. She'd wave them at me and act like she as going to give them back but pull away at the last moment. Laughing and giggling the madder I appeared and taunting me with "I got yer shoes!" What made it so embarrassing and infuriating for me is that she was doing this in front of my brother, my parents, my boyfriend and other assorted family members. It was horribly awkward for them seeing that I was obviously getting teased but unsure how to handle it. It was one of those collective "WTF?!" moments, where everyone knew she should stop, but intervening themselves also seemed inappropriate. I know Ma wanted to step in but come on, we are supposed to be grown adults here, and moms can't fight their kids' battles forever. As furious as she was we both know that mom-help usually ends up doing more damage (especially since my SIL ridicules ma and I for being so close.) My brother was mortified (as usual) that his wife was acting like this, and finally whispered for her to stop. She didn't see the problem (because this was just 'harmless fun' and I was too much of a 'stick in the mud' to see that) but after being told another 2 times she finally quit. And by quit I mean she threw my shoes across the road and walked away, still giggling. My mom wanted to kill her. My brother knew this and kept her pretty much out of sight for the rest of the day.

XCashier

03-27-2008, 04:33 PM

BullyOnline (http://www.bullyonline.org/), particularly this page (http://www.bullyonline.org/familybully/index.htm) is a good resource for victims of bullying. And that's exactly what your sister-in-law is: a bully.

Your sister-in-law's behavior is completely unacceptable, and you should not have to put up with it or allow it to continue. She needs some therapy, or a good smackdown, possibly both.

Has your brother spoken to her about her behavior towards you?

SnapAddict218

03-27-2008, 05:17 PM

Has your brother spoken to her about her behavior towards you?

:lol: Oh my heavens no! Its a long story. He knows she's out of line, but there isn't anything he can do about it. I'm fed up with the way she's treated me and I do not like the person that my brother has become (and continues to be) due to her influence. Parents and friends feel the same way. All of this he is aware of, and from time to time he will plead for our patience with her. Mostly though, because he can not justify getting angry at her for her actions, he gets mad at me for her actions.

What eves! :lol:

RecoveringKinkoid

03-27-2008, 06:34 PM

In other words, his balls are being stored in her freezer right now.

BookstoreEscapee

03-27-2008, 11:12 PM

Mostly though, because he can not justify getting angry at her for her actions, he gets mad at me for her actions.

I think he needs some sense knocked into him as well...they both need to grow the f*** up!

gunsage

03-27-2008, 11:21 PM

I just cannot figure out what’s wrong with this chick.

You know, it seems like this thread's gotten pretty long and really, I ought to go back through it before posting, but I'm lazy. :p Here goes...

For starters, I'd have punched her in the face. Yes, square in the ****ing nose with a haymaker. Notice...I said for starters. Often, that's a KO punch. What's left to do, you ask? Punch the offending "idiot" right in the gonads. Not kick. PUNCH. It's very easy to deflect a groin kick, especially if you see the person coming and already suspect hostility...it's much harder to completely deflect a crotch punch. The best you'll do is cause a grazing, which is still :eek:-inspiring. :p I really can't believe you've put up with her ****.

For that, you are a saint. My sister-in-law is pretty obnoxious, but if I was ever accosted like that in public, especially on what seems to be a regular basis, there'd be blows, not words. I'm not one to hit women. Call me old-fashioned. BITCHES on the other hand... :p

RecoveringKinkoid

03-28-2008, 04:43 AM

And remember, kids, if you break her nose you get two black eyes for FREE!

iradney

03-28-2008, 06:57 AM

Mostly though, because he can not justify getting angry at her for her actions, he gets mad at me for her actions.

No offense Snaps, but your brother's a moron. If he cannot "justify" getting angry at her for BEATING UP A FAMILY MEMBER, then she's definitely got him by the short and curlies. Who knows, maybe behind closed doors, she does the same to him?

RecoveringKinkoid

03-28-2008, 01:39 PM

Snaps, in all seriousness, I think you're inviting this behavior.

Now, before you get all mad at me, hear me out. Bullies look for a certain type of person to victimize. I never met you, but I would bet a very large sum that you are exactly this type of person. Bullies look for someone who isn't going to stand up and make them stop.

In all probability, she's pushing the envelope to see just how MUCH you're going to take. So far, the sky's the limit. I would be willing to bet that she's sitting around behind your back, saying things like "...and she just stood there and TOOK it." It sounds to me almost like it's escalating, which is another reason I think this.

You can wait for someone to defend you, but I feel pretty sure that ain't gonna happen.

If I were you, I'd treat this person as I would an obnoxious stranger. Physical abuse would provoke a face full of pepper spray, a call to the cops, or both. Taking your stuff would provoke a face full of pepper spray, a call to the cops to press theft charges, or both. In either case, you really should avoid this person as much as you can. I would simply boycott family functions if she is to be there. And I'd let everyone know why.

FuzzyKitten99

03-28-2008, 01:43 PM

Snaps, I have read this whole thread, but I haven't seen anything about your boyfriend saying anything to her, either at the time, or after. What does he say about all this, especially since he witnesses it most of the time?

SnapAddict218

03-28-2008, 05:30 PM

Snaps, in all seriousness, I think you're inviting this behavior.

Lemme s'plain. It all boils down to jealousy, on both parts.

The only inviting that I do is simply being around when she's in a mood. Not to tout my own horn but I am generally well liked and easy to talk to, I have decent manners and I know how to behave properly in a variety of social situations. I've got a variety hobbies and interests and I'm fairly intelligent. I am unquestionably my own person; independent and solitary, though mindful of what others think, and attentive to other’s needs. Most importantly, I’ve been able to gain friends and a solid place in our community with out bullying my way into the scene.

Like most bullies, she acts out due to a lack of self-esteem, mainly because she doesn't posses any of the aforementioned qualities. So, in frustration she's verbally, and in some cases, physically, combative with people (whom she sees as a threat) to cover her thin spots.

There isn't anything that I can do, as long as my brother is married to her, other than avoid her. It's not hard, the rest of our friends do the same since she's offended them to the point of no return also. She's mouthed off and insulted a myriad of people from friends, to coworkers or patients (she's a nurse. Yea. For reals.) The few times that I must be around her she's usually pretty well behaved, in that there are only a few snide remarks. Occasionally though, she reverts to her old, old ways, and 'jokes around', causing a whole new world of hurt feelings. My brother is mortified by her actions (and her treatment of others) but he tossed out his first marriage for this 19 year old hellcat with D cups and a horrible sense of table manners, so his pride would be hurt if he were to acknowledge her actions as 'truly tasteless". He has also just given up, as he's confessed to ma, and he knows that she will always be the mean, crude, slob who torments people's emotions for fun. I say let him lay in the bed he made for himself.

As for him getting angry with me, well, this is another jealousy issue. Everything that I described about myself is what he ultimately wanted in a partner. It would explain why he forced us in to spending so much time together. He hoped that she might become interested in my hobbies, thus getting her off the couch and out of the house (where she did nothing but complain that she had nothing to do). He wanted my penchant for clean floors and hot food waiting on the table to be installed into her, as her philosophy always was (and still is) "If he's that hungry, he'll make it himself". Every time she failed to use proper judgment or behaved like a spoilt child it would contrast sharply with the other figure in his life as dominant as his wife: his sister. Her inadequacies seemed larger than life when held against his ‘ideal’ model, and because he was already at hit wits end it was easier to blame me for ‘failing’ her. He was simply projecting his displaced anger at her onto me. So often we hurt the ones closest to us, and I think this is a prime example. Very often he would reveal to ma that he knew she was a boor and he understood why I refused to have anything to do with her. He also admitted that he felt awful for kicking me around out of frustration [at her]. Ma has always told him “This isn’t something you need to discuss with me.” Bro and I are at arms length anymore. He knows being angry with me is wrong, but he can’t bring himself to stop. Eh. I gots me a ma and a pa and a lovin’ man, so it’s all good. Someday my brother will wake up.

Kitten asked about my boyfriend. He’s my advocate when it’s appropriate. He feels the same way I do, and we both believe the route to go is to avoid her when ever possible. Getting physical back would only open the door for more and actually give my brother something to be angry with.

Ok. Didn’t mean for that to be so long, but I hope that begins to explain everything. Can you tell I’ve had a long time to analyze things? ;)

RecoveringKinkoid

03-28-2008, 05:41 PM

Don't misunderstand me, I dont' mean you're doing something to actively provoke her. I mean youre' the type of person that makes a good target. Because you are a nice person who is too genteel and well-mannered to make too much of a stink. People like this rely on the fact that their targets are too pollite to retaliate.

Do not let manners come before self-preservation.

Your brother is letting you be abused under his nose and with his approval. His inaction does amount to his approval. What do you care if he gets mad?

SnapAddict218

03-28-2008, 05:51 PM

I mean youre' the type of person that makes a good target. Because you are a nice person who is too genteel and well-mannered to make too much of a stink. People like this rely on the fact that their targets are too pollite to retaliate.

I'll second that! :lol: Na, I don't care if my brother gets mad [at me], but he will drag everyone else into it and again, my manners get in the way. I can't allow that.

Geek King

03-28-2008, 07:48 PM

In addition some also have MP3 players inbuilt.

Shocking, I know.

Perhaps one can be found and set up to play Metalica's Ride the Lightning when used? :devil:

Although, I would be more likely to pick up a squirt bottle to carry around.
<squirt> Bad Step-Sister! Bad! <squirt> <squirt>

Water to start with (really, really cold water), maybe moving up to cola or cheap wine to really make her think if needed. Keep humiliating her when she does it, and maybe she'll start getting the point.

RecoveringKinkoid

03-28-2008, 08:03 PM

Oh, that's good. I like that. It certainly adds a level of not only humor, but embarassment, too. :lol:

Tanasi

03-28-2008, 08:07 PM

If your brother won't put a stop to it, when she hits you, you hit him. Maybe just maybe your SIL will see the abuse she's heaping on you when it's visisted upon your brother.

BookstoreEscapee

03-28-2008, 10:16 PM

Your story about the shoes made me think the proper approach in such situations is to just ignore her. If she's not getting a rise out of you, she'll eventually get bored. That is exactly the kind of thing my brother might have done when we were kids, to which my parents would say, "Just ignore him and he'll stop." If you don't let her engage you, she just might start looking for another target.

Despite my previous comment, I'm not one to advocate hitting her back unless absolutely necessary. Maybe try just calmly saying "Please don't hit me" and then just walk away and pretend she's not there.

Worth a shot, perhaps...

Pedersen

03-29-2008, 02:34 AM

If she's not getting a rise out of you, she'll eventually get bored. That is exactly the kind of thing my brother might have done when we were kids, to which my parents would say, "Just ignore him and he'll stop."

This advice angers me a lot. I was given this advice growing up, as was every other victim of bullies.

It doesn't work. And I never understood why until recently. The bully is not doing it for entertainment. The bully is doing it because he/she can. It is being to show everybody that the bully is in control. That's what bullying is about, after all: Control.

The only way to stop a bully is to take back the control. And furthermore, keep it. If you don't keep it, then the bully will continue to be a bully. Likely, it will be even worse since you had the temerity to stand up for yourself once.

If I had known that as a child, my life growing up would have been very different.

Anyway, please, never give out that advice again. It denigrates what the victim of bullying is going through (basically, by stating that what is happening is entertainment for somebody), it doesn't end the bullying behavior (even if it did, it would take much time and effort), and it causes more suffering for the victim who tries to follow it (since they are now putting up with it in silence, and all the more alone).

Thank you.

RecoveringKinkoid

03-29-2008, 04:16 AM

Yeah, I'm sorry, I kind of have to side with Pedersen here.

It sounds to me like Snap IS ignoring this idiot. And it's clearly not working. This may come a suprise to some of you, but I know what it's like to be on the butt end of a bullying campaign.

Ignoring does not work.

Furthermore, a guy I know has been fairly recently banned from the SCA. The short story is that he was a bully. He attempted to bully many people with varying degress of success. He attempted to bully me, but have matured into a prickly, confrontational bitch, so he left in search of easier pickings very quickly after one or two attempts.

I confronted him about some questionable behavior I witnessed. I asked why he would do that. His answer was "Because I can."

Yup. All due respect here, but "just ignore them" is not really a workable solution. I mean, it's not a workable solution if you actually want to curb the behavior. Alll you are telling the bully is that they will continue to get away with their behavior with no repercussions, and that you won't stand up to them.

Sheldonrs

03-29-2008, 05:22 AM

Just do what you did that time. Humiliate her verbally in front of the family. Whenever she acts like a bitch or spoiled child, tell her that is what she is doing and that you and everyone else is sick of it. And that if she can't change her ways, she can forget about coming anywhere near you. And if she gets physical again, hit her until she bleeds. And I mean over and over. Brother's wife or not, NOBODY gets a pass to hit you.

SnapAddict218

03-29-2008, 12:54 PM

Just do what you did that time. Humiliate her verbally in front of the family. Whenever she acts like a bitch or spoiled child, tell her that is what she is doing and that you and everyone else is sick of it. And that if she can't change her ways, she can forget about coming anywhere.

I forget how well that works too. When she looks around and realizes that no one is laughing and that all the eyes are on HER she backs down.

Seshat

03-29-2008, 02:30 PM

I don't care if my brother gets mad [at me], but he will drag everyone else into it and again, my manners get in the way. I can't allow that.

Yes you can. They're not defending or protecting you. Therefore, they deserve to have to deal with the consequences of their own inactions.

And the consequence of their inaction is that you have to take matters into your own hands and protect yourself. Which will doubtless make your brother mad at you, and have him try to drag everyone else into it.

At which point you'll shrug and say 'noone else was handling the situation, I'm sick of being abused, so I protected myself. I'm not responsible for my brother's reaction to my self-defence.'

Which you aren't. That's his problem, and theirs. After all, he's their son/relative too.

I forget how well that works too. When she looks around and realizes that no one is laughing and that all the eyes are on HER she backs down.

Ba-dum CHING!

You now have a strategy to try.

Also, I vote for 'ignoring' in some cases: but a pointed ignoring. Next time she does the 'shoes' thing, try saying, loudly and clearly, "When you're done playing childish games, I'll be inside." Then turn around and go back into the tent/caravan, pick up a book and read. Give her nothing to work with, no attention from you, and make sure everyone else can see how absolutely childish she's being.

And if she doesn't return the shoes, let her know you're on your way to the police station to put in a claim for theft. And DO IT. Don't bluff - never bluff with her. Just give her one chance to correct her misbehaviour, then give her consequences for it.

I'm also in agreement with the 'treat her like a child' thing. Whenever she actually behaves like an adult, reward her with adult-appropriate conversation and attention. Not to excess, but enough to give her positive reinforcement to continue adult behaviour.
But when she's being childish (and not abusive), give her just enough negative reinforcement to discourage it, acting like an adult discouraging bad behaviour from a child. And trigger that 'all eyes on her, disapproving' situation. Make certain your own behaviour remains adult.

As for the abusive behaviour: I'd give serious, serious thought to bringing the police into it. Force her to accept adult consequences for this misbehaviour. Only you can decide whether to do it - it will have effects through the family - but you are being abused, and you shouldn't have to put up with it for any reason.
The apparent fact that your family has let it go on for so long without defending you from it . . . well, to me, that says they get to deal with the consequences. If your family won't defend you, then that's what the police and the law is for. But I'm not you, it's your decision.

Just don't let your own welfare suffer for the sake of 'family unity' or 'family harmony' or whatever. You don't HAVE family unity or family harmony - if you did, you wouldn't be suffering abuse.

SnapAddict218

03-29-2008, 02:50 PM

[QUOTE=Seshat;297214] You don't HAVE family unity or family harmony[QUOTE]

Ha ha, not since he brought her home. Relationships have been strained since the first time we met her....and she went into detail about her acrobatic sex life with my brother. In front of my mother.

She's soooo classy. Anyhoo.

Becks

03-29-2008, 06:46 PM

Holy biscuit.

I'd do my very best to avoid her AND your brother.

(And yet somehow work in a surprise "you suck and here is why" powerpoint presentation.)

BookstoreEscapee

03-29-2008, 07:54 PM

Also, I vote for 'ignoring' in some cases: but a pointed ignoring. Next time she does the 'shoes' thing, try saying, loudly and clearly, "When you're done playing childish games, I'll be inside." Then turn around and go back into the tent/caravan, pick up a book and read. Give her nothing to work with, no attention from you, and make sure everyone else can see how absolutely childish she's being..

Pederson, this was what I was referring to when I said "ignore her"...this is a classic childhood sort of "older sibling" thing to do, and it deserves to be ignored; getting mad and encouraging her to play keep-away with the shoes does nothing to help. It just eggs her on. I wasn't intending to say she should ignore being hit or otherwise physically abused. Though I do think when it happens she should tell her that her behavior is not acceptable and, if possible, remove herself from the situation. I'm sorry I wasn't clearer on that. But if it comes down to involving the police, by all means, she should. And while I don't advocate stooping to her level and hitting her back, if it comes down to it, a well-timed shot to the nose might get the point across.

I also agree, Snaps, if your brother gets mad at you for standing up for yourself, and brings other family members into it, that's his problem, not yours. He needs to grow up and tell his wife her behavior is unacceptable. If he's not willing to do that, someone else will need to do it.

Igorina

03-29-2008, 11:53 PM

this is a classic childhood sort of "older sibling" thing to do, and it deserves to be ignored; getting mad and encouraging her to play keep-away with the shoes does nothing to help. It just eggs her on. I wasn't intending to say she should ignore being hit or otherwise physically abused. Though I do think when it happens she should tell her that her behavior is not acceptable and, if possible, remove herself from the situation.

In my family this was called 'shunning'. Devastatingly effective if the person you're shunning has any sort of ego and/or is an attention whore.

If they talk to you don't hear them, if they touch you, remove their hands and leave, if they step in front of you step around and leave. Do not see them, and do not react to them.

And yes, I have used this on an ex-boyfriend or two.

The only other advice I can offer is if/when your brother tries to guilt trip you, respond without emotion. Make your voice sound like you can't care one way or the other.

Andara Bledin

03-30-2008, 01:49 AM

I'll second that! :lol: Na, I don't care if my brother gets mad [at me], but he will drag everyone else into it and again, my manners get in the way. I can't allow that.

What Seshat said. It's not "good manners" for your family to let you be abused like that and for them to do nothing. If they won't step up, then you have every right to lump them in with her. If they're not stopping it, they're condoning it.

This advice angers me a lot. I was given this advice growing up, as was every other victim of bullies.

It doesn't work. And I never understood why until recently. The bully is not doing it for entertainment. The bully is doing it because he/she can. It is being to show everybody that the bully is in control. That's what bullying is about, after all: Control.

That's both correct and incorrect. The problem is that there is more than one type of bully. Some bullies are the type that you ran into, that get their jollies out of beating people up and being the big evil that nobody will do anything about.

However, there is another class of bully that is precisely what SiL is. SiL is a Button Pusher. I've known BPs. My brother is one. If you ignore a BP bully, they will go away. Because if they don't get that rise out of you, they will look for someone who will give it to them.

Regular bullies are after physical control. Button pusher bullies are after mental control. If you flip out, then they get what they want and will come back for more.

And that is what was meant by the comment about encouraging her. In your story about the shoes, you stood at the edge of the gravel and fumed about her having your shoes. That is exactly what she wanted you to do. She wanted you to get mad and react, and you gave her that reaction. She's relying on the fact that you "don't want to make a scene" and you "don't want to drag anyone else into it."

The best response to these people (at least while it's still mostly harmless pranks) is to just stay absolutely calm and belittle their maturity. If you can give them an articulate smackdown, especially with an audience watching, they will usually find greener pastures.

However, after a while, if you don't stop these types in their tracks, the problems will only escalate and someone is going to end up hurt or dead. And it most likely won't be the bully unless it's justifiable homicide.

Oh, and I second the comment about never bluffing with these types. If you bluff even once, then even when you do follow through, they're still going to pull shit because they might be able to get away with it again.

An aside: My brother is a button pusher who likes to get people riled up to the point where they will fight him physically. He's in fairly good shape, and knows some martial arts, and he has a serious self esteem problem because my father was a fucknut. He tried the whole button-pushing thing with my boyfriend, who was the type who got bullied. Well, eventually it reached the point of no return so my boyfriend pinned my brother to the wall by his throat and basically extracted his agreement that the fight was over before letting him go.

Once it was established that my boyfriend was the alpha male of the household, things settled down rather a lot.

^-.-^