Verbal Mishaps

[Ljt09863]

alright. we all do it. you go to say something genius, and it comes comes out...redneck. or you simply mix up words, changing the meaning of what you said, or you just said something you didn't mean to say.

it happens, and not matter what is said, the end result is the same...its hilarious!ill post a few of mine, that me and my fiance have said over the years, and still tease each other about it to the date. in fact, the reason for me posting this, is because we were talking about it last night.

background: we have a cat. he was VERY fiesty when he was a kitten, so we named him Demon. he would also do some VERY funny things, so we gave him a nick name....

What i MEANT to say: Silly Demon Cat

What came out- Semon Dilly Cat....

Background: the other day, fiance and i went to grab some food on our way home. it was pouring rain, and fiance went to roll down his window before we got to the placve to order, and i told him not to, so rain wouldn't get in the car.

He said,: oh i don't roll down the window. i always keep the window rolled up when the rain is full of water.
I said: as opposed to it being full of what?
he actually didn't realize what he said until we pulled away and i started teasing him about it...

Background: now...i have no idea why i said this. i had no feelings like that then, or now, so i have NO idea WHY it came out..... i don't even think i was thinking anything along the lines aobut anything....... this was said to my fiance, and i said it in a really loving tone(the way you would say i love you to somebody you deeply care about), which makes it even scarier...

What i meant to say,: You know, i really do love you.

What i actually said," you know...i really do want to kill you......

as soon as i said it, my face went :eek: and i looked at my fiance who looked likem:eek:. i still can't believe i said it. i didn't mean it..... it was two years ago, and my fiance is still kicking!


so what have you said?

[BrightEyedKitty]

Reminds me of that joke:

"What I meant to say was, 'Honey, please pass the sugar,' but what I really said was, 'Bitch, you ruined my life!'

[Soulstealer]

I have trouble with my 'R's when I'm speaking english. Not to mention there are times when I'm in a different part of a conversation than everyone else.

[InsanityInc]

My Mom does that all the time. I'm so used to it, that I just add the word she screwed up.

[JessEm]

I was studying for a course on folklore once, and we were talking about types of proverbs and which categories they fit into.

K: Okay, give me an example proverb.
Me: Um....Don't put all your chickens in one basket before they hatch.
K: ...what?!

[edible_hat]

A friend of mine (who we all worry about) once said:

"I need a birthday card for my wife. I mean mother."



In high school English, the teacher wanted to stop the class clown acting up, so he tried to say "Stop mucking around like a fool". It came out a bit differently.

[sportsmom]

I can't think of any specific to me situations right now, but Greg Behrendt cracks me up talking about this very thing...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P05C5K64luA&NR=1

NSFW-language


OOOPS! Just remembered one from way back. When I was in high school (back when dinos roamed the Earth and before dirt was invented--I'll be 35 in 3 1/2 weeks) I was hanging out with my BF Jeremy and we were going to the mall to eat and see a movie. For some reason when he went to say "parking spot" it came out "parking splot" and that just cracked me up for the rest of the night. It still does and I couldn't tell you why now any more than I could then.

[RetailWorkhorse]

I accidentally wished someone a HAPPY BIRTHDAY~ :D rather than a nice day.

[bendertiger]

'Hi, do you smell?'...WHOOPS

I mean, 'Do you smell small pizzas'. She got the joke :P (Wasn't doing it on purpose, I apologised profusely).

[Evil Queen]

What i meant to say,: You know, i really do love you.

What i actually said," you know...i really do want to kill you...... :spew: Finally broke rule number 1!!! :lol:

[Andara Bledin]

I've had a few doozies, but nothing I can recall right off the bat.

However, I will say that the name Fuddrucker's was designed to get people in trouble. The funny part is that I had trouble saying it wrong when talking about someone messing it up.

^-.-^

[Sheldonrs]

What I meant to say: Good morning

What I actually said: Wow! You have a great ass! Can I wear it like a hat?!!!

:lol:

[unclejampuff]

I do this constantly... I have a strong Southern accent with a touch of Canadian and German. I also talk very fast because I'm like an excited puppy about everything(Ever said "Walk" to a lab puppy? That's me.). No one can understand anything I say.
There was a county/town next to mine when I was growing up. Fauquier is really hard to say, erm, politely. Especially with a strong Shenandoah/Blue Ridge accent. One time my boyfriend and I are driving down in VA, I'm giving directions, etc. I tell him he's gonna take the blahblah through Fauquier. He looks at me funny and asks "F*** my what?".
I commonly get confused looks at my pronouncination of "crayon" I say it kinda like "kurr-ohn" or "crohun". At Denny's, when I got a table with kids, I'd just ask if they'd like something to colour with.

[friendofjimmyk]

To this day, I am still unsure to what this guy meant. It happened while I was still driving a tow truck.

I was picking up a POS Ford pickup from a construction site. Guy was nice enough. Chatty, and according to his admittance - VERY hungover as he had just spent the weekend at Comstock - some music festival.

He was, as most men were, amazed by the female tow truck driver. Especially one that looked like me. (Pettite, long blonde - at the time - hair, been told I'm attractive)

We were having a conversation while I was loading his truck onto the back of the flatbed. I was getting ready to chain the front of the vehicle down to tighten it and he was standing somewhat close watching what I was doing, as most men did, when he asked...

"Are you going to suck on that?" :eek:

I just busted out laughing. He was so embarrassed, he couldn't stop laughing. He apologize profusely.

The only thing I could think that he was going to ask was I going to tighten it - referring to the chain.

[Luna Baby]

I just get accused of "Jeff Foxworthy language" all the time. You know how he has the redneck dictionary. We were traveling overseas a couple of years ago, my first time out of the country and nervous as hell. We were walking on the beach, me/hubby/9 y.o. son/and our coach. Sonny boy was in sports shoes and kicking up the sand, just generally having a good time. I yelled at him to stop kicking the sand, he'll get sand 'all-up-in-yee' shoes. Coach just about died laughing about my son's jalapeno shoes..............Still rags me about it to this day.

[iradney]

I suffer from spoonerisms.
Eg "will anyone pat my hiccup?" instead of "will anyone pick my hat up?"
I also switch words around like "I'd LOVE a wine of glass please!"

*sigh*
AND I'm sober when I say stuff like that.

[Toujin]

I've heard quite a few funny word slip-ups. Here are some of the ones I can think of.
----

When we lived in CA, we kept all the old stuff we didn't use anymore in the garage. One day, my sisters had been rummaging around in the garage, and had brought out some old children's books they'd found. Amongst these books were 'Mr. Grumpy' and 'Cats, Cats, Cats'. When my mom was telling my sisters to put the books back, she said:

"We don't need Mr. Grumpy and Mr. Cats, Cats, Cats!"

----

From my school days:

Teacher: Hello, Toujin
Me (not exactly paying attention): Okay

Another teacher was reading a book about life in the 1800s to my class. What she meant to say was "Get your axe...". Unfortunately, it came out as "Get your ass..."

----

I'll sometimes say 'Red Lobster' as 'Led Robster'

[Jester]

When I was in high school (back when dinos roamed the Earth and before dirt was invented--I'll be 35 in 3 1/2 weeks)...

Bite me....I'll be 38 in June, and I ain't freakin' old! :lol:

I also switch words around like "I'd LOVE a wine of glass please!"

I do stuff like that WAY too often.

For some reason, back when I lived in the dorms, for TWO STRAIGHT WEEKS, when I tried to tell people drinking in my room "Don't spill the beer" it came out as "Don't bill the spear." I just COULD NOT say it correctly. Very odd. :lol:

I have a friend, Mouse, who is very, VERY intelligent. She went to a university AND a grad school that never would have looked at me, she is very good in her field, having won awards and such....and to this day, she has no ability to say the word "cinnamon" correctly. Which sucks for her, since she loves cinnamon so much. (She actually will chew on raw cinnamon sticks.)

I myself have trouble with the words "caricature" and "caricaturist," but in my defense, those words are neither easy to say nor all that common in every day language.

One other common miscue of mine: when speaking of my older sister, instead of saying "[Older Sister's Name]" I will often accidentally say "That raving domineering hellacious bitch." :angel:

[Stormraven]

I stammer a lot, and love playing with words - often juxtaposing the starting syllables as I speak - so I'm fairly certain I've done this myself. No specific examples, though - at forty<mumble>, I try to keep my memory slots active for things that don't embarrass me.

[Becks]

One other common miscue of mine: when speaking of my older sister, instead of saying "[Older Sister's Name]" I will often accidentally say "That raving domineering hellacious bitch." :angel:

Sounds like me when I refer to the man of the household, aka the man I live with aka my fiance. :p

[Chazzie]

I used to chew on raw cinnamon sticks, too. (: But we don't have any at the moment.

Almost every sentence I say will have some sort of stutter or mixed up word in it. To the point that I honestly think I've developed a stutter (My friends disagree; maybe they're just used to it). It's extremely embarrassing, because I can never get one sentence out correctly.

I can't think of any of mine off the top of my head since most of it ends up being garbled gibberish, but my mom is famous for telling me a few years back, "Wash your hair, brush your face, comb your teeth." :lol:

[unclejampuff]

I have a friend, Mouse, who is very, VERY intelligent. She went to a university AND a grad school that never would have looked at me, she is very good in her field, having won awards and such....and to this day, she has no ability to say the word "cinnamon" correctly. Which sucks for her, since she loves cinnamon so much. (She actually will chew on raw cinnamon sticks.)

I can't say cinnamon correctly either. I have trouble with "shoulder", "spaghetti", and "soldier".

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

While we were driving through Indiana on a family vacation years ago, I meant to say "Don't they call Indiana the Hoosier State?"

What came out instead: "Don't they call Indiana the Hooter State?"

[Trayol]

When I was in fourth grade, there was a teacher's assistant named Miss Schmitt, pronounced shmit. There was only one time when I was telling my mom what Miss Schmitt had told me in class when I almost called her Miss Shit.

Also, for some reason my mom can't say "vulnerable" correctly the first time. It takes her awhile before she can get it out right.

[Andara Bledin]

and to this day, she has no ability to say the word "cinnamon" correctly. Which sucks for her, since she loves cinnamon so much. (She actually will chew on raw cinnamon sticks.)

I say "cimmanon" a lot. Mostly on purpose, but not always.

^-.-^

[edible_hat]

Somebody at my gaming group tonight:

"It was much better before Bush, during the Klingon Administration."

(which was of course the cue for a whole lot of Star Trek/politics jokes)

[bendertiger]

'Hi, do you smell?'...WHOOPS

I mean, 'Do you smell small pizzas'. She got the joke :P (Wasn't doing it on purpose, I apologised profusely).

Wow, irony from myself. I made a typo on a thread dedicated to verbal mishaps :lol:

[edible_hat]

Myself: "Just wait for the version of Star Wars where they replace Alec Baldwin with Ewen McGregor in an old man suit."

I meant of course Alec Guinness. Now I'm off to photoshop up some Alec-Baldwin-in-Star-Wars screencaps.

[Chazzie]

Ah, I just remembered, I have a very hard time saying jewelry.

I try to pronounce all of it and get confused since it's a 'slower' word than the rest of my speech.

"Oh, we were at the store looking at some-- Jewel...ree..."

[worddork]

While working at a Christain school I was not supposed to say "Jesus Christ" after injurying myself (I'm a klutz so injury happens alot) So I would instead say "Jimneey Cricket" expect for the one day when I stubbed my toe really hard (broke the nail clean off) and yelled "Crimmney Jiggets" Still have no what it means, but since than it has been my signature cruse, only because it the first thing that comes to mind.

There was also the time when one 8th grader body slammed a 5th grader. What I meant to say "You! Go to the daycare room. Now!"
What came out was, "Now, you room the daycare go!"

[edible_hat]

"Now, you room the daycare go!"

I'm suddenly having visions of Yoda running a day care center.

[edible_hat]

*bumps thread*

This is more on the saying stupid things theme, but this is from my gaming group. Last night we were talking about today's planned laser tag game.

"If it rains, will it be cancelled?"
"No Jim, you play laser tag inside."
"D'oh!"

[worddork]

I'm suddenly having visions of Yoda running a day care center.

I wish. Most of the time my out of sequenced sentences make me sound stupid not at all smart and wisdom-like. I, sir, know Yoda and I am no Yoda. :lol:

[Becks]

Lately, instead of Ford Explorer, I've been saying Ford Exploder. :lol:

[worddork]

Lately, instead of Ford Explorer, I've been saying Ford Exploder. :lol:

They have been known to do that.

[justZu]

I canNOT say aluminum. My family thinks it is hilarious to try and get me to say it out loud, as it always comes out as a-loom-ni-um or al-u-min-ee-um. So I will usually just say tin instead.

[Becks]

They have been known to do that.

Yeah I know. I just happen to say it most often to people who drive them. :angel:

[Andara Bledin]

The guy who screwed up the rear end on my beloved Volvo (I still miss that car) was driving an Exploder. He ran into me because he wasn't paying attention to where he was going. It's lucky for him (and me) that I was paranoid of that particular left turn and had been watching him enough to know the moron wasn't stopping. Thankfully, he was an honest jerk and fully admitted to being at fault, so dealing with the insurance companies was a breeze. If he'd given me any grief at all, I would have gone completely litigeous on his ass. Having to get a new car still sucked, though.

Speaking of words that cannot be said properly, my grandmother had a terrible time with 'r's. She was from "back east" and said such things as "pahk the cah in the cahpahk" and "put the cahs in the bahn."

One year, my brother and I (around 10 and 12 at the time) bought an elephant-shaped watering can for her. Only, we told her it was an aardvark. We got a few hour's of amusement over her saying "aahdvahk" before she said it looked more like an elephant and I told her it was an elephant, but we liked hearing her say aardvark. She had a good laugh over it.

^-.-^

[Jester]

Lately, instead of Ford Explorer, I've been saying Ford Exploder. :lol:

Actually, that is what a lot of professional mechanics call them. I know this, as a friend of mine back in Phoenix is a professional mechanic. :D

I canNOT say aluminum. My family thinks it is hilarious to try and get me to say it out loud, as it always comes out as a-loom-ni-um or al-u-min-ee-um. So I will usually just say tin instead.

1. Tin and aluminum are not the same thing.
2. I know that a lot of British folks pronounch it "al-u-min-ee-um." Gotten into a few disagreements over that one. :lol:


Speaking of words that cannot be said properly, my grandmother had a terrible time with 'r's. She was from "back east" and said such things as "pahk the cah in the cahpahk" and "put the cahs in the bahn."

Although I am "from Phoenix" as I often say, I didn't grow up there as a child. It is, however, HOME to me in every sense of the word, so no one here better give me any grief about this. (Looks around meaningfully...)

We moved around a lot. And my early grade school years were spent in suburban New York. And back then, I had trouble with my r's, saying words like "bihd" instead of "bird," etc. Due to this, while I was in first grade my parents had me undergo speech therapy at school.

As an adult, I've always found it amusing that I was taught to say r's correctly by NEW YAWKAHS! Um, excuse me, New Yorkers. :lol:

[worddork]

Speaking of words that cannot be said properly, my grandmother had a terrible time with 'r's. She was from "back east" and said such things as "pahk the cah in the cahpahk" and "put the cahs in the bahn."
^-.-^

I once worked with a woman who was born and raised in Southern California, and she would always add the 'r' sound in words that did not have it to begin with. She would always say "Car warsh" or "drarwer"

I know my mom for the live of her can't say sandwich without putting a 'g' in the middle. Her sister hates it, she keeps yelling "It's 'sandwich' not 'sangwich'". :roll:

[edible_hat]

I know that a lot of British folks pronounch it "al-u-min-ee-um."

That would be because in Commonwealth English it's spelled aluminium.

[Rapscallion]

That would be because in Commonwealth English it's spelled aluminium.

Yes, the correct way.

:D

Rapscallion

[Andara Bledin]

Yes, the correct way.

Yeah. You keep telling yourself that.... :p

^-.-^

[worddork]

This is not so much a verbal mishap, yet, since starting voice lessons (just another reason to sing) I have started to laugh in tune.
One of the warm-ups my teacher has me do is to sing "ha,ha,ha,ha,haaaaa" going up the scale then back down.
So last week, I was with some friends, one made a funny and the scale laughter came out. Needless to say everyone around me got real quiet, till one friend said,"I've heard of 'musical laughter' but never knew what it meant. Now I do." Which had every one :lol: again

[Sylvia727]

I had a speech impediment crop up in high school. It's mostly gone away now, but it is stress-induced, so I see it now and again. When I try to say multisyllable words, I rearrange the syllables and throw whatever sounds good in there. So "discombobulated" comes out "dis-bob-a-chew-throw-a-ling...DIS. COM. BOB. U. LA. TED." My friends all think it's funny as hell, but for the first few weeks laughter just added to the stress and made it harder to speak.

[PCGameGuy]

See, mine is always forgetting halfway. Like, halfway through a word, the brain thinks it is funny to leave me hanging there. Cute brain, huh? :P

' Yeah, so you want to turn ri.......'

Like that. I've started to throw in loud garbage at that point to 'simulate' a possible brain issue in the hopes no one will notice I've gone offline. :)

'Yeah, so you want to turn ri...gugurlgiAAAAHOOWHHOM! right at the next light'.

So far, it hasn't worked so well for me. :rolleyes:

[edible_hat]

See, mine is always forgetting halfway. Like, halfway through a word, the brain thinks it is funny to leave me hanging there. Cute brain, huh? :P

' Yeah, so you want to turn ri.......'

Like that. I've started to throw in loud garbage at that point to 'simulate' a possible brain issue in the hopes no one will notice I've gone offline. :)

'Yeah, so you want to turn ri...gugurlgiAAAAHOOWHHOM! right at the next light'.

So far, it hasn't worked so well for me. :rolleyes:

There's a word for that... what was it again? It's on the tip of my tongue...

oh yeah, dysnomia. It's a form of dyslexia.

[Rapscallion]

Yeah. You keep telling yourself that.... :p

^-.-^

I keep telling everyone that.

Rapscallion

[Slytovhand]

I know my mom for the live of her can't say sandwich without putting a 'g' in the middle. Her sister hates it, she keeps yelling "It's 'sandwich' not 'sangwich'". :roll:

On same topic, I can't stand it when people say 'anyfink', 'sumfink' etc...AAARGH! What I find especially hurtful*, is when it is coming from someone who apparently has a good speaking voice and is adequately intelligent and well enough educated.


*'hurtful' - to my ears

[Norton]

I committed a spoonerism the other day. I was discussing pesticides with my boyfriend.

"I couldn't find one that's good for teas and flicks. Ha - teas and flicks. What I meant to say was flicks and teas. Aw dammit - ticks and fleas!"

[Andara Bledin]

When I try to say multisyllable words, I rearrange the syllables and throw whatever sounds good in there. So "discombobulated" comes out "dis-bob-a-chew-throw-a-ling...DIS. COM. BOB. U. LA. TED." My friends all think it's funny as hell, but for the first few weeks laughter just added to the stress and made it harder to speak.

Like that. I've started to throw in loud garbage at that point to 'simulate' a possible brain issue in the hopes no one will notice I've gone offline. :)

'Yeah, so you want to turn ri...gugurlgiAAAAHOOWHHOM! right at the next light'.

I've sometimes had brain farts right in the middle of sentences, or my tongue will sometimes decide it doesn't want to work the way I want it to work, also in the middle of sentences. I usually end up just tossing out a bunch of gibberish, laughing at myself, and starting over.

I also had a role-playing character that was described as a "tongue-tied tech" (that was in the rulebook, actually) and I decided to take it litterally. In any sort of social situation or when under stress, she would be unable to speak intelligibly except when talking pure tech. It almost always devolved to her just making random vowel sounds. One of the other characters would them tease her by making dolphin noises at her.

^-.-^