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View Full Version : Car advice needed, please? (Long, semi-ranty)


Amethyst Hunter
05-20-2008, 04:25 AM
I have something of a dilemma that landed in my lap tonight and I'm curious to hear what y'all think of it.

As some of you may or may not know, I have a car that is quite the bone of contention between my family and a pair of Bitch Aunts from my dad's side. From time to time someone will mention The Car and arguments flare up over it; of late, it's been quiet which usually means that something's brewing again (as it inevitably does).

First, some background. The Car was a 'sort-of' inheritance from my late grandfather. He bought it used and had it for maybe a year, two years tops, before he suffered a stroke in 2005 that left him incapable of ever driving again (he later passed away in late 2005 from pneumonia/stroke complications). As far as I know, nothing was ever mentioned in the will about The Car, and my uncle - my dad's older brother - was/is the executor of my grandparents' estate. My dad talked to him about The Car when I expressed interest in it at one point (being that at the time, I had *no* vehicle whatsoever and needed one, especially since I'd just started a new job at that point in time), and my uncle basically gave The Car to us with little, if any, strings attached (that I know of, anyway - my family doesn't exactly have the best track record when it comes to keeping me in the loop on some things).

Fast-forward a few years and The Car is STILL causing problems, albeit indirectly. You see, Bitch Aunts, I suspect, wanted that car for themselves. Either that, or they're just hellbent on causing as much trouble as they can for the sheer spite of it. My grandmother is still living, but her mind is just about gone these days (she's into the stages of dementia now) and remains bed- and wheelchair-bound in the nursing home where she's been for at least the past 5 years. *Without fail*, almost every time my dad goes over there to visit her she will bring up The Car in a semi-accusatory tone: "How's my car doing, [father's name]?" Know why she's so hung up about The Car? I'll give you three guesses, and the first two don't count!

We know it's the Bitch Aunts causing trouble because otherwise my grandmother doesn't even seem to know anything else about The Car, and doesn't bring it up unless one/both of the Bitch Aunts have been by to see her recently. Grandma only brings up things of contention if someone puts her up to it, because doing so causes both her and the intended recipient a good deal of stress. And the Bitch Aunts, I know from hard longtime experience, are no strangers to needling people to sheer insanity (One of their favorite mean bits was to take someone - like me or my brother - aside, and then broadside them with something nasty that they had no way of ably defending themselves against. They're chickenshit like that, won't directly confront you unless they're sure they can get you by yourself). I cut them out of my life as soon as I was able to without it causing any major family drama. Even my *dad* freely admits that he can't stand them, so yeah, it's pretty bad.

The last major incident we had with them was several months ago, wherein a piece of equipment that my uncle had told my dad he could take out of the garage on the estate was promptly pounced upon by Bitch Aunt #1, who threatened to sic the cops on my dad for having taken it and who flat-out accused him of stealing it and ripping off his mother left and right (which boiled my blood and my mom's to no end, as we KNOW - but, sadly, can't prove without evidence - that BA1 and her tool of a husband have been over there stealing anything that wasn't nailed down!). Whether he's just getting tired of it all, or what, I don't know, but my dad is more or less inclined to 'go along to get along', which of course means that he put back the equipment (after having sunk a shitload of money into repairing it that BA1 SHOULD have paid him back for - I think she did send him a small check at one point, but I don't know how that played out).

My uncle is something of a contention as well, because he doesn't seem inclined to stand up to these backstabbers either. There IS something going on there (no, he's not in league with the BAs, I know that much), because I've heard limited snippets of conversation with my folks, but I don't quite understand what it all means, so for the purposes of this post consider it irrelevant.

But now I come to the point of this ramble:

Tonight my dad asked me to think about The Car. He asked me if I still wanted it, and whether or not I'd be interested in a New Car (not necessarily 'new' as in 'brand-spanking-never-driven-off-the-lot' new). I told him I would have to think about that. I smell trouble brewing on the horizon again...

I kind of would like a New Shiny, but it depends on a lot of things. I want to know who's paying what for it, and I want to pick it myself, no holds barred (with only exceptions for price ranges, which I'm perfectly fine with; if I ever were to get something else it's damn well going to be fuel-economical - right now Chicago has THE highest gas prices in the *country*, and although I live waaaaaaaaay away from there, we're still feeling the rundown at just barely under $4/gal).

As to The Car, I do like it, and I'm perfectly happy to keep driving that if I didn't get anything different. With a few exceptions (it has a tendency to stall out and die temporarily if started the wrong way; there's pretty much nothing we can do about this and everyone who's looked at it has told us so), it's an otherwise decent vehicle for being a 1999 model, and although I don't know what kind of mileage it gets, it's not exactly a pisser either.

I asked my dad what we'd do with The Car in the event I decided to go the New Car route, and he said most likely he'd probably dump it onto his relatives and let them deal with it. I then explicitly told my dad that I DO NOT, under any circumstances, want either of those Bitch Aunts getting their mitts on The Car ever again (to which my dad told me to 'get over it'). I am dead serious when I say I would rather set that fucker on fire and watch it burn to ashes than let either of those two :censored: touch it. I freely admit I'm in full-on vengeful Evil Bitch mode on that. The thought of them getting yet another one-up on us like that REALLY burns me. :pissed: Those two have done nothing but shit on us left and right for YEARS, and I am SICK AND TIRED of what amounts to nothing more than bullying.

I told my dad months ago, during the equipment fiasco, that if we didn't stand up to them now, they'd just keep right on gouging us for whatever they could get, and my mom agreed with me. I can understand not wanting to cause more trouble than necessary, but goddammit, this shit HAS to stop. Now.

So...what do you think are my best options? Should I hang on to and fight for The Car, or should I swallow a heaping huge bitter chunk of humble-crow-pie and go for a New Car?

Mr. Rager!
05-20-2008, 04:51 AM
My advice...

Give up your grandfather's car, buy your own car. If you budget correctly enough for a car, they aren't that expensive to keep. Plus, a car is not worth the hostility in the family, even if it is your aunts causing the hostility. It's a car.

draftermatt
05-20-2008, 11:35 AM
My advice...

Give up your grandfather's car, buy your own car. If you budget correctly enough for a car, they aren't that expensive to keep. Plus, a car is not worth the hostility in the family, even if it is your aunts causing the hostility. It's a car.

Agreed.

They might be bitches, and it may suck, but what good does it do to fight with them? You're just stooping to their level. I'd go the Rahomta route and drop 30 silver dollars in a bag in the car with a note saying "hope you enjoy the car" and then stay away from all family functions, etc.

friendofjimmyk
05-20-2008, 11:54 AM
I third (?) that motion. It's not worth it. Look at all the undue stress it causes you and your family to have to deal with these Aunts of yours. People like them get theirs in the end - in the meantime, save yourself the stress!!! A car is not worth your serenity.

Docmayhem
05-20-2008, 12:09 PM
I'd go the Rahomta route and drop 30 silver dollars in a bag in the car with a note saying "hope you enjoy the car" and then stay away from all family functions, etc.

I'd be more inclined to leave thirty raw shrimp in the ventilation system...

But seriously, despite having the moral high ground, this car is only going to cause you grief.

Dump the car, dump the aunts, be extra nice to your grandmother 'cause you'll miss her when she's gone.

Jester
05-20-2008, 02:14 PM
and my uncle - my dad's older brother - was/is the executor of my grandparents' estate.

I assume this means he is the executor of your grandfather's estate now, even while your grandmother is alive.

In which case, he needs to start asserting himself. If he says you can have Widget A, then it is yours. He. Is. The. Executor. Basically if your Bitch Aunts are causing you this much grief over something he has allowed, you need to go to Uncle and tell him to back you up on this.

My uncle is something of a contention as well, because he doesn't seem inclined to stand up to these backstabbers either.

He needs to. And if he doesn't, well then, you are going to have to deal with things knowing that the one person who can legally get your back....won't.

This is why when I finally draw up a will, I am going to have my friend M.E. be my executor. Not only because she is a lawyer, but because she will respect my wishes, even if it pisses off some people, and because she has no problem telling people to get bent. Basically, she can be a hardass (she used to put people in jail, for goodness sake), and she won't put up with any shit from my friends or family, no matter how annoying/bitchy they may be.

I am dead serious when I say I would rather set that fucker on fire and watch it burn to ashes than let either of those two :censored: touch it. I freely admit I'm in full-on vengeful Evil Bitch mode on that.

And YOU need to get OVER that.

Forget your aunts. Forget your uncle. Forget even the car for a moment.

What is in YOUR best interests? Is it getting a new car, or keeping this one? If it is getting a new car, get one. And let the chips fall where they may. If this means the bitch aunts get the car, then it means they get the car. And that includes the stall problem you mentioned. Which, frankly, doesn't sound like the best thing to have in a car anyway. And if it is in your best interests to keep the car, ignoring all the other personal factors, then keep the car, and tell your aunts to go piss up a rope.

Take it from Mr. Vengeance....it's time to let this bitterness towards your aunts go. I am not saying turn the other cheek, take their crap, and forgive them for being fucktrumpets. I am just saying that you need to step back from your anger at them and make decisions about your life based upon what is best for you, independent of the rest of the shit. Stop letting their crap influence your choices.

Oh, and form me? Tell your uncle to grow some fucking balls.

protege
05-20-2008, 08:11 PM
My family's going through some crap like this right now. For the past year or so, my grandmother's health has been declining. So much, that she had to sell the farm :cry: and move into an assisted living facility. As all this is going on, my aunt and uncle (Mom's siblings) started paying more attention to her. When the house was sold, and many of the belongings were divided up, both my aunt and uncle (who only came home about once a year) apparently thought they were going to get a piece of the money from the house. Needless to say, they were a bit annoyed when my mother got a power of attorney, and has control over everything. (Why not, since she's the closest.) They were even more annoyed when all of my grandmother's cash was put into a trust for her long-term care. Not sure why it matters, since it is *not* theirs, and my aunt is *very* well off. Greedy bastards.

Grandma has always said that since I've done so much to help her over the years...that she wants to leave me a tidy sum. If it happens, fine...but if it doesn't, it's not the end of the world. I've already told her that as much as I'd appreciate the thought and having the cash to put towards a certain sports car...that I'd rather she not worry about it, and take care of herself. If that means I have to struggle a bit, and that the car takes longer to finish...so be it.

Tanasi
05-20-2008, 08:35 PM
AH, Even though your uncle is the executor was the car his to give away? Unless your grandfathers will specifically said it was your uncles to dispose of as he see fit then it wasn't his to give away. Also did your grandfather leave his estate to your grandmother? If so then the car wasn't his to dispose of unless he has power of attorney for her. I more than understand the sentimental value of cars, just for your Dad's mental health I'd give up the car and go with the replacement. I'd also tell the aunts to their faces to stay away.
When my Dad passed 10 years ago his youngest sister was under the impression that she was to receive something from his estate. Dad's will was very straight forward, he left everything to my Mom and in the event of her death everything was to be divided equally between me and my siblings. My aunt actually threatened to contest the will if she didn't get something. Mom told her she would she her in hell before my aunt got the first penny. My Mom is not to be triffled with.:devil:

PS: Another thought that came to mind regardless of what your grandfathers will says until the probate judge says it's so then it's not so.
Good luck.

Gothicsmurf
05-20-2008, 08:41 PM
I understand where everyone else is coming from but at the same time, these women need to be told NO.

If you want a new car, then get one, but put yours up for sale and if they want it bad enough, they can buy it. Period end of story. You've got a "new" car and need the money to make payments on it, pay off loans, etc OR give it back to the estate in liquid form. If the car is legally yours and you can do with it as you please.

I just pray your name is on the title or else whomever's name is on it can do as they wish.

Giving in in the end will feel worse than if you didn't. You've got to stand your ground on something, and if you don't start small, then when it really matters, you'll be f:censored:d with out the lube.

Amethyst Hunter
05-21-2008, 04:33 AM
People like them get theirs in the end - in the meantime, save yourself the stress!!! A car is not worth your serenity.

I'm somewhat inclined to doubt that (I know of a couple of :censored: in our pasts that have yet to get their asses handed to them on a right royal platter)...but I agree that the stress is probably better dealt with now.

I assume this means he is the executor of your grandfather's estate now, even while your grandmother is alive.

In which case, he needs to start asserting himself. If he says you can have Widget A, then it is yours. He. Is. The. Executor. Basically if your Bitch Aunts are causing you this much grief over something he has allowed, you need to go to Uncle and tell him to back you up on this.


Yes, but that's the problem: Uncle *won't* do much (if anything), for reasons of his own which I'm not quite up to speed on. He can be something of an irritation in his own right; my dad is more or less expected to jump whenever he (uncle) wants something done, and as you might imagine, this can cause some static. As things stand now, he is just about the *only* relative from my dad's side of the family (excepting my grandmother and a brother-in-law) that we are still on literal speaking terms with.

Oh, and form me? Tell your uncle to grow some fucking balls.

Heh, believe me, there are times when I'd love to do just that (among other things).

AH, Even though your uncle is the executor was the car his to give away? Unless your grandfathers will specifically said it was your uncles to dispose of as he see fit then it wasn't his to give away. Also did your grandfather leave his estate to your grandmother? If so then the car wasn't his to dispose of unless he has power of attorney for her.

Grandpa's will, AFAIK, said nothing about The Car. The estate passed to my grandmother, who was at the time (and still is) in a nursing home and really not in the best frame of things to do anything. As oldest child, the power of attorney fell to my uncle, and AFAIK, he still has that power.

I'd also tell the aunts to their faces to stay away.

I fully intend to have words with at least one of them at some point, and I'm not going to mince them either. Staying away shouldn't be too much of a hassle for them - they generally only come around when they want something from us; otherwise they don't bother. (And we don't bother with them either if we can help it.)


I understand where everyone else is coming from but at the same time, these women need to be told NO.

If you want a new car, then get one, but put yours up for sale and if they want it bad enough, they can buy it. Period end of story. You've got a "new" car and need the money to make payments on it, pay off loans, etc OR give it back to the estate in liquid form. If the car is legally yours and you can do with it as you please.

I just pray your name is on the title or else whomever's name is on it can do as they wish.

That is an EXCELLENT idea; in fact, I had toyed with the idea of donating the thing to charity (hey, tax-write-off!). I will mention this to my folks when we all sit down to discuss it. I'm pretty sure my dad's name is the one that's currently on the title...

Well I talked to a couple of other folks (including my mom), and the general consensus seems to be that I should dump The Car, so it looks like that's what I'm going to do in the end. I only hope that it brings the Bitch Aunts (assuming they do get their grubby mitts on it) as much misery as possible. :devil: :devil:

Now...to begin the quest for a Shiny New Car...!

Thanks for the input, gang. :)

protege
05-21-2008, 03:58 PM
That is an EXCELLENT idea; in fact, I had toyed with the idea of donating the thing to charity (hey, tax-write-off!). I will mention this to my folks when we all sit down to discuss it. I'm pretty sure my dad's name is the one that's currently on the title...

We donated my grandmother's Olds Cutlass Ciera to charity when she gave up driving. At the time, we were going to keep it, at least temporarily, since it was easier for her to get into, and more comfortable than my car. Then my car started having reliability issues, failed it's state inspection twice...and her car got wrecked. Not bad, but enough to be annoying. Even though the car was in good shape for being 12 years old, and considering the body damage (front passenger door and fender), it didn't go for very much...just under $2k.

I can't really complain about that too much--no dealer in the county would take it (too old), and trying to sell it to the redneck idiots in her county wasn't going to happen. We simply didn't want the hassle. The charity got to help someone else out, and she got a tax write-off.

Nekojin
05-21-2008, 11:42 PM
A little late to the party, but I strongly suggest making an offer to sell the car to the aunts at a reasonable price before you do anything else with it. It denies them what they really want - a free car - and is a win-win situation whether they take the offer or not. If they take the offer, they have the car, you have cash to help pay for your new car, and everything is more-or-less settled. If they refuse the offer, they lose the so-called moral high ground in the argument, since you made an offer and they refused it. At that point, you can gleefully sell it to a scrapyard, photograph it being smashed, and send the photos to the aunts - they clearly didn't want it enough. Or whatever method of disposing of the car suits you, of course.