I hate being related to my father.

[Bagboy]

It seems that wherever I go in this town, someone has to say "Oh, you're PC's son." They cut right through the good stuff, and into the bad. I almost went on a whale watch that is owned by a fellow "Yacker"(Yackon.com is where that term originated.) Well, his wife was my dad's friends sister. She(her sister), died from an overdose on Heroin; and her sister blamed my father for it. She practically said "Oh, you're just like him." I'm not. I'm not an asshole. My mother divorced him because he was a douche. He failed to pay child support every time.

[Becks]

That sucks.

I'm sorry to hear that.







Have you considered going by your mother's maiden name?

[Evil Queen]

You could always say "I don't know who that is."

My Dad did that for a long time because his father is a cold-hearted bastard with bastard coating and bastard flavoured filling.

[blas]

Did he come with bastard peanuts?

I don't understand why my mother goes on these tangents about "They are family and we have to deal with them, we cannot just shut family out, no matter what they've done to us, you have to do things for the sake of family" when we talk about my drunkard mentally ill Aunt C and Uncle P (the ones who are neglecting my nanna) and Aunt C's gold digging whore of a daughter.

[Evil Queen]

Oh Blas, you would like my family then. :D

Not only do we bad mouth the horrible ones (only in private of course. Such things rarely leave the dinner table) but we also shut out certain family members because we don't want to be associated with people like them. :devil:

[dispatch]

Blas, that story sounds familiar, you don't have family in nebraska do you???


Bagboy, I'd suggest changing your last name and/or making it clear that you've disowned your father completely, these things take awhile to sink in but if you shove it at people for a few months they get the message that you're not kidding, at least in my neck of the woods.

[blas]

Not that I'm aware of, dispatch.....but the dysfunction is very typical....there's a lot of families that have the token raving alcoholic relative(s). Bonus points if they are insane on top of that. And if the mother is a gold digger, the daughter will be too. I feel so bad for my cousin's bf. Just this poor dorky nerdy rich guy who probably thinks she really likes him for him, and not his Hummer.

Just out of curiosity, how difficult is it to get your name changed?

[Evil Queen]

It's pretty easy, I hear. Just fill out the appropriate paper work and file it with the court. Shouldn't cost a lot either, maybe 20-25$.

[blas]

It's really that inexpensive? I'll have to ask my mom how much it costs in Wi, she used to work at the court house.

[Giggle Goose]

I was going to get my name changed to my mother's recently. It's a really long and difficult process, but it varies state to state. I didn't go through with it, in fact, because of that. Even SHE still has my dad's name because she wanted to have the same last name as her kids while we were in high school. Now we're all grown and she's just never gotten around to changing it because it's a pain in the ass.

I'm kind of in the same situation with my dad; but we've since made peace and I think me changing my name would add even more unnecessary difficulty to his life. Other people can think whatever the hell they want as far as I'm concerned.

[Evil Queen]

It's really that inexpensive? I'll have to ask my mom how much it costs in Wi, she used to work at the court house.

Good idea to check because it's easy where I'm from (TN). Like GG said, it does vary from state to state so it may cost more and take forever.

I think Mom (who, by the way, is from Florida) said it was pretty easy down there. But that was a long time ago.

[Umingmaq]

"I hate being related to my father."

So did I. Then one day he told me I wasn't. He seemed to think that was bad news.

After a few years of rage I made my peace with him, then ignored him for the rest of his life.

You can do nothing about the jerks except to give them what they deserve, indifference. Fitzgerald got it right: "Living well is the best revenge."

[Amethyst Hunter]

And if the mother is a gold digger, the daughter will be too.

Just out of curiosity, how difficult is it to get your name changed?

I have a cousin who had one of those. He went through a very expensive and bitter divorce and subsequent custody battle (despite the painful fact that she wanted nothing to do with the kids whatsoever; she only saw them as leverage against him - fortunately the courts were smart enough and told her a resounding 'hell no'). I remember when we first met Digger and her mother during the whole wedding arrangements (shower and all). Digger's mom was one of the PHONIEST people I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. The swathing of Princess Pink material everywhere you looked was bad enough, but good grief, you could have built a friggin' pueblo out of the sixteen layers of Max Factor's finest she had spackled onto her face...! Not hard to see where Digger got it from, heh.

I've researched the name-changing a bit myself, being that I have a last name I'm not terribly fond of (brought me quite a bit of misery in high school). Expenses and legalese depend on your state/area; generally speaking, there's a fairly significant fee (my area, it runs about $100 or so) involved and you have to take out some kind of public notice (like an ad in a local paper) stating that your name is now legally X or whatever. Check with your friendly local law enforcement types. :)

[patiokitty]

I can completely understand the whole "I hate being related to my father" thing.

The last time I had any contact with my father was when I was 15 years old. I was in the middle of a troubled time of my life and had been sent from BC to live with him and his wife in Ontario. I was supposed to stay there for a year, and I managed to last maybe seven weeks before suddenly ending up on a place back to BC.

My step-mother was certifiably insane. Yes, really - my father showed me the paperwork. Why? No idea, but then he wasn't exactly known to be all that bright.

While I was there I started realizing that he wasn't all that wonderful a guy. I mean, he tried to SELL me to a man more than old enough to be my grandfather, and got pissed off when I turned the situation down!! Lots of things came to light during my bried stay there, realizing that certain nightmares I'd been suffering for years really weren't....well, I had started making plans to leave anyway. In fact the day I came home from school to find my stuff being packed was the same day I was planning on taking off and staying with a friend.

Anyhow, the last contact I ever had with him was when he left me at the airport in Toronto. Completely stranded, and no way to contact him should something go wrong. Well, things went wrong - thanks to him being a complete waste of breath I had missed my flight. These were back in the days of standby tickets, and because I was a minor I couldn't get my ticket changed to a different, later flight. I called my mother collect in BC, couldn't get the phone number right, and dialed the operator...who stayed on the line with us during the entire time my mom and I were trying to get things sorted out. No, mom never got billed for the collect call because the operator felt that it was an emergency.

I made it back to BC much later than originally planned, and realized that my mother wasn't so bad. At least she never tried to sell me to the highest bidder. And I made up my mind that I wanted nothing further to do with my father. Oh, it wasn't hard because he obviously didn't give a flying shite about me. No phone calls or nothing. I had no idea that he and his wife had skipped town out of fear of the police paying a call until I talked to my Aunt Jeannie.

Anyhow, to make a long story short, after everything I'd gone through I made the decision that I wanted nothing further to do with my father. I started looking into getting a name change - but discovering that as a minor I'd have to get my father's signature on the paperwork kinda put a hold on that. However, once I was 19 and had enough money to be able to afford the name change I went ahead with it. I didn't go with my mother's maiden name. Instead I went with the last name of the only man who ever was a Dad to me, my mom's third and current husband. And I've never looked back. Even my son has my Dad's last name.

Notice how I use father and Dad separately? There's a reason for it - if a guy can produce viable sperm he can be a father; however, it's the heart that counts more than anything and my Dad has proved that time and again.

The name change was cathartic for me. I no longer felt the burden of my father hanging around the neck. And I still don't. My father can go rot...and a few other assorted things :devil:

[iradney]

My Dad is awesome. I'm willing to share him if you guys want. Sure, he's a little overbearing, and BOY can he lecture! But, he cooks like a dream, has a wacky sense of humour and gives great hugs. And I need a few siblings :D

[Talon]

There's a name for fathers, hell for any family like that: FINO. Family-In-Name-Only.

My best friend's brothers are a real piece of work. One of them put her in the hospital when she was little, the other called her a selfish a-hole for having the audacity to ask him to pay back the ten grand she lent him. At least she finally grew a spine and cut him out of her life for good. FINO's all the way.

[protege]

Not only do we bad mouth the horrible ones (only in private of course. Such things rarely leave the dinner table) but we also shut out certain family members because we don't want to be associated with people like them. :devil:

My family does that too. I have a cousin that nobody talks about...other than how he walked out on his wife and kids, his various arrests, etc. Other than that, his name doesn't come up much at all. In fact, I haven't seen or heard from him since our grandfather's funeral...20 years ago.

[Gerrinson]

Ah, see, my dad is awesome. A bit too talkative (he has a habit of sitting down next to a stranger and just talking to them for hours...he talks more with family. :o) but other than that, he's great.

My mom, on the other hand, is a total c***. Everyone outside the family thinks the s***s gold bricks, though. They're always extra nice and extra helpful when they know she's my mom. So, if you want, I'll trade your dad for my mom.

I won't go into all the gory details but here's a small list:

Dragged out the divorce for 13 YEARS. My dad said she could keep the car, house, and custody of us kids, he just wanted visitation with us. That wasn't enough, she wanted $1500 per month in combined alimony, child support, and other payments. That came to somewhere in the realm of 95% of his take home income, so he had to fight it the whole way in court.

Told me, on a daily basis, that my dad was a 'worthless lying piece of s*** and you're just like him."

Fought for a court order to have my brother & I evaluated by a psychologist to prove that visitation with my dad & my stepmom (then his g/f) was causing us irreparable mental trauma. Three psych's in a row determined my mom was off her rocker and my dad should have custody. Somehow, she managed to get the reports that she demanded struck from the record as 'invalid.'

Prevented me from reporting my cousin to the police when he molested me because I was 'mistaken' about what he did to me and it would be 'bad for the family' if people heard me talk about it. I admit I was harder to intimidate when I was 11. I wouldn't put up with that crap now.

And so on, for another 7 years until I turned 18 and bailed out of that house as fast as possible.

She's managed to catch up with me a few times over the years. My old roommate said she was confused about why I never gave her my new address & phone number when I last moved...and neither will he. :D

So, anyway, if you want to trade your dad for her, be my guest. People think she's incredibly kind and just a super wonderful human being and I'm sooooo lucky to have her as my mother.

[Evil Queen]

Or we can just lock Garrison's Mother and bagboy's Father in the closet and wait to see which one goes all SAW on the other first. :D

[blas]

They'll most definetly SAW the shit out of each other if we trap my mom in there with them, she can lecture them on how to be proper adults and that sacrifice and gratefulness and blah blah blah blah blah blah is proper adult behavior and how we should never ever complain because that's just immature (while she kicks and screams about how dirty the room is).

She'll lecture them for hours on proper adult behavior, religion, never disowning family members (even though she never acts like an adult and threatened to disown me if I didn't go to college by age 20)

[Evil Queen]

Lock in all three and place bets?

[blas]

Before we do, let's see if anyone else wants to add relatives into the Pit of Despair.