AdminAssistant
06-23-2008, 09:51 PM
*end/Gilligan's Island theme*
As most of you know, I live on the edge of the Midwest. My family lives in Arkansas. I went to see them last week (Dad's b-day, Father's Day, nephew's b-day). It is a 7 hour, 400 mile trip to go home, largely on state highways. No interstate, little opportunity to set the cruise and just drive. It's absolutely exhausting.
The drive down was fairly uneventful, except for nearly getting run off the road by an idiot who tried to merge into my lane while I was in it. (BTW, Clinton, MO is the source of all stupidity in the US. This is important later.)
The drive back, however, was absolutely awful. I set out with my sandwich, chips, and soda that Mom had packed. About 90 minutes into the drive, I see what appears to be a raven being attacked by a group of smaller birds. Perhaps this was some kind of omen.
Shortly after that, I stop for a potty and sugar break. This is in a very small Ozark town. However, they have gas pumps attached to a fairly nice looking small grocery. I head to the bathroom (which is in the backroom, strange) and grab a candy bar. I walk up to the register where there are three men in a circle bullshitting (a time-honored manly redneck tradition). There are no cashiers, except for two women working the hot food counter (by working I mean chatting). I stand for a second with a :confused: look and ask where I can pay for my food. This sparks a 2 minute debate. The actual cashier was on her smoke break. The two other ladies talked amongst themselves for a minute, then one came over and rang up my candy bar.
For a while after that, the drive wasn't TOO bad. There was more traffic than usual (summer Sundays), but I was making it okay. Had my sandwich, chips, etc. I was about 2 1/2 hours away when I decided to make another stop to top off gas and maybe get something hot to eat. I knew of a HUGE gas station not far away with a A&W/Long John Silver's attached to it. It ain't the Ritz, but an order of fries or chicken nuggets with a nice iced tea sounded pretty good. This gas station had dropped their gas prices and was completely covered up. I did find an open gas stall, and topped off my tank, but the inside of the place was packed. There were no open parking spaces, and I wasn't going to stay parked at the pump. So I drove on.
About 20 miles from the station was a small-ish town (Clinton, MO). I knew there was a variety of fast food places there, so I turned off as soon as I saw Golden Arches (if there's a McD's, there's 5 other fast food places within spitting distance. I think it's a law.) I drove past McD's to Wendy's. I'm dying to get out of the car, so I get out and go in to use the ladies' room. Which has a line. Because one of the toilets has been clogged out of commission and the other lady is apparently re-painting the inside of the stall with a Q-tip. I finally get out of there, and approach the register. The line is almost out the door (it's about 2 pm :confused:). So, I decide the drive thru might be faster. Two trucks full of people cut me off to get ahead of me in the drive thru line. At this point I'm near tears. I'm hungry, I'm tired, I'm thirsty and dammit it should NOT be this difficult to get some damn food.
So I go across the street to Hardee's. No line. Yay! I place my order after reviewing the menu (no Hardee's near where I live). 3 chicken strips and an iced tea. This is when the cashier absolutely makes my day. "Would that be sweetened or unsweetened?" :eek: I can has sweet tea??? :D I pull around, pay, and get my tea. And wait. And wait. I realize that they're making my strips fresh, which is nice but...I really want to get on the road. I call Mom (okay, this is kinda sucky on my part. But I had already paid and was just waiting for the guy to hand me the bag). I'm telling Mom my tale of woe when the guy hands me my food. I realize from the look on his face that he could hear me. I felt kinda bad, but that cashier was totally and completely awesome.
I finally get home, haul all luggage upstairs, unpack, clean house, catch up on CS boards, and sit down to watch TV. At this point, my stomach reminds me that it's been 5 hours since the Hardee's experience and it would like some more food now. I've been away for a week, so I have no groceries and no desire to actually shop and cook. Order to go it is! (Keep in mind that at this point, my mental state isn't far off from that of a Nunavite in search of pink camo accessories.)
I study the online menu and call Chili's. The voice on the phone is an extremely effeminate male mumble. CG=Chili's guy Me = moi!
CG - *mumble*
Me - :confused: Hello?
CG - *mumble* (I decide that it's the opening spiel for Chili's)
Me - I'd like to place a to go order please
CG - *mumble* name
Me - AdminAssistant
CG - *mumble* number
Me - *accidentally gives wrong number, self corrects, gives correct number
CG - *mumble* (I think he's ready for me to order, hey, let's give it a shot!)
Me - Blah appetizer, blah sandwich and can I get blah instead of fries?
CG - sure! (yay! I can understand you!)
Me - That's all.
CG - *mumbly* I'll give you the total when you come in. *mumble* minutes
Me - :cry: *Is left wondering whether it's 10, 15, 20, 30 minutes
I pick up my food with no problem (although I would've really liked to have had the total before I went up there, but whatever.)
I go home and eat and lay on the couch. And all was finally right and well with the universe.
As most of you know, I live on the edge of the Midwest. My family lives in Arkansas. I went to see them last week (Dad's b-day, Father's Day, nephew's b-day). It is a 7 hour, 400 mile trip to go home, largely on state highways. No interstate, little opportunity to set the cruise and just drive. It's absolutely exhausting.
The drive down was fairly uneventful, except for nearly getting run off the road by an idiot who tried to merge into my lane while I was in it. (BTW, Clinton, MO is the source of all stupidity in the US. This is important later.)
The drive back, however, was absolutely awful. I set out with my sandwich, chips, and soda that Mom had packed. About 90 minutes into the drive, I see what appears to be a raven being attacked by a group of smaller birds. Perhaps this was some kind of omen.
Shortly after that, I stop for a potty and sugar break. This is in a very small Ozark town. However, they have gas pumps attached to a fairly nice looking small grocery. I head to the bathroom (which is in the backroom, strange) and grab a candy bar. I walk up to the register where there are three men in a circle bullshitting (a time-honored manly redneck tradition). There are no cashiers, except for two women working the hot food counter (by working I mean chatting). I stand for a second with a :confused: look and ask where I can pay for my food. This sparks a 2 minute debate. The actual cashier was on her smoke break. The two other ladies talked amongst themselves for a minute, then one came over and rang up my candy bar.
For a while after that, the drive wasn't TOO bad. There was more traffic than usual (summer Sundays), but I was making it okay. Had my sandwich, chips, etc. I was about 2 1/2 hours away when I decided to make another stop to top off gas and maybe get something hot to eat. I knew of a HUGE gas station not far away with a A&W/Long John Silver's attached to it. It ain't the Ritz, but an order of fries or chicken nuggets with a nice iced tea sounded pretty good. This gas station had dropped their gas prices and was completely covered up. I did find an open gas stall, and topped off my tank, but the inside of the place was packed. There were no open parking spaces, and I wasn't going to stay parked at the pump. So I drove on.
About 20 miles from the station was a small-ish town (Clinton, MO). I knew there was a variety of fast food places there, so I turned off as soon as I saw Golden Arches (if there's a McD's, there's 5 other fast food places within spitting distance. I think it's a law.) I drove past McD's to Wendy's. I'm dying to get out of the car, so I get out and go in to use the ladies' room. Which has a line. Because one of the toilets has been clogged out of commission and the other lady is apparently re-painting the inside of the stall with a Q-tip. I finally get out of there, and approach the register. The line is almost out the door (it's about 2 pm :confused:). So, I decide the drive thru might be faster. Two trucks full of people cut me off to get ahead of me in the drive thru line. At this point I'm near tears. I'm hungry, I'm tired, I'm thirsty and dammit it should NOT be this difficult to get some damn food.
So I go across the street to Hardee's. No line. Yay! I place my order after reviewing the menu (no Hardee's near where I live). 3 chicken strips and an iced tea. This is when the cashier absolutely makes my day. "Would that be sweetened or unsweetened?" :eek: I can has sweet tea??? :D I pull around, pay, and get my tea. And wait. And wait. I realize that they're making my strips fresh, which is nice but...I really want to get on the road. I call Mom (okay, this is kinda sucky on my part. But I had already paid and was just waiting for the guy to hand me the bag). I'm telling Mom my tale of woe when the guy hands me my food. I realize from the look on his face that he could hear me. I felt kinda bad, but that cashier was totally and completely awesome.
I finally get home, haul all luggage upstairs, unpack, clean house, catch up on CS boards, and sit down to watch TV. At this point, my stomach reminds me that it's been 5 hours since the Hardee's experience and it would like some more food now. I've been away for a week, so I have no groceries and no desire to actually shop and cook. Order to go it is! (Keep in mind that at this point, my mental state isn't far off from that of a Nunavite in search of pink camo accessories.)
I study the online menu and call Chili's. The voice on the phone is an extremely effeminate male mumble. CG=Chili's guy Me = moi!
CG - *mumble*
Me - :confused: Hello?
CG - *mumble* (I decide that it's the opening spiel for Chili's)
Me - I'd like to place a to go order please
CG - *mumble* name
Me - AdminAssistant
CG - *mumble* number
Me - *accidentally gives wrong number, self corrects, gives correct number
CG - *mumble* (I think he's ready for me to order, hey, let's give it a shot!)
Me - Blah appetizer, blah sandwich and can I get blah instead of fries?
CG - sure! (yay! I can understand you!)
Me - That's all.
CG - *mumbly* I'll give you the total when you come in. *mumble* minutes
Me - :cry: *Is left wondering whether it's 10, 15, 20, 30 minutes
I pick up my food with no problem (although I would've really liked to have had the total before I went up there, but whatever.)
I go home and eat and lay on the couch. And all was finally right and well with the universe.