Paranoia

[Maximillion]

A little over a month ago I finally got out of fast food after nearly 4 years of hell and my new job is amazing. It's a gas station/deli/convenience store/drive-in basically named after a goose (50 Galleons for anyone who can guess what it is).

During that time I've already had to have a "talk" with my GM called "M." The first one was in regards to my excessive talking when working register or anywhere. She felt more time was being dedicated to chatting up everyone around me than doing my work. It was an honest and fair statement because I have had this issue since I can remember and I didn't really take it as an insult but I wanted to cry because she has this scary look as though she can see into your soul and just scares the living shit out of me. But I've actually made improvements on my talking so that's a plus...

The second talk was about my uniform in which I came in wearing the wrong promotion because the new promo shirt I'd received didn't fit me...basically I should have spoken to a manager that day instead of waiting til my next day of work. She got me a bigger shirt and that was that.

Both talks were sensible and fair but almost daily I fear of being fired because I am having a hard time with hospital bills and other crap going on and I just really don't want to go back to that hell hole I once worked at. Two of the managers I work with a lot say I'm doing fine and that they're planning on just keeping me in deli because I get really nervous working the register for some reason and I kick ass back there anyways. I'm such a klutz and have a tendency to accidentally knock something over almost daily or forget to get something since my memory is horrible...sometimes it looks like I'm just scrambling around in the deli because I'm trying to be on top of everything and learn as much as possible so I can be a more efficient employee. There's a manager who usually is there on a nightly basis and would talk to me during my BK days. She's the one who referred me to this job in the first place.

She tells me all the time that I'm doing fine but I get so paranoid because I don't think as fast as I did when I was a kid and it takes me a little while to catch on to some things even though I'm a fast learner and I'm always thinking most of my co-workers think I'm just some crazy stuttering nervous wreck who is hard to understand.

I have the tendency to talk really fast when nervous or in general and it's hard for people to understand me and I usually get :confused: looks form the person I'm talking to. I'm so scared I'm not gonna fit in at this new job and that I'm going to be regarded as a special case. I know I'm not a bad employee but I come to work thinking of ways not to fuck up and my mind always goes blank for some reason and I'm always in some need of positive reinforcement from people so I can be confident when I work.

What can I do so I won't be so damn nervous and be more confident in myself about my work?

[Shangri-laschild]

Maybe talk to your boss and ask if there's anything you can learn or figure out if there's something you can do to go above and beyond basically. It may help you be more confident and also show initiative.

[Aethian]

Anything you feel that you don't know the bestsk for retrining on. It can show your boss that you always want to do the best at what ever task they give to you.

[Applerod]

The fact you're anxious about your new job, though it can feel overwhelming (trust me I know anxiety), only demonstrates how valuable you really are because you actually care about being the best worker you can be--a sentiment NOT shared by the vast majority of people who work our kinds of jobs. This kind of attitude is actually a huge asset in the long-run, though while you're still learning it can be a liability if you're too hard on yourself.
Try not to ruminate/obsess about the bad things that come up during work like little accidents or mistakes; recognize them for what they are, then let them pass -- and if you can't stop thinking about them then just look at them as learning experiences. There's no substitute for experience, nor is there any logical reason to discount all the positive things you must be doing--according to the managers.
And so what if you talk fast when you get nervous? Are you psychic? Can you read minds? Is everyone thinking: "What a crazy, stuttering, nervous wreck!" Not bloody likely. Who knows what they're thinking -- and more important: Who cares? That's their own business; though if you truly need to know (and the timing is right), ask them if they think you're a crazy, stuttering, nervous wreck.

I can't speak for the other influences in your life, but in time you will become more and more comfortable with your job. NOTHING you wrote suggests you're in any danger in this arena. Like I said, there's no substitute for experience.
There's a Buddhist saying which goes something like: "When you're carrying wood, carry wood." You can take it or leave it if it sounds silly, but basically it's another way of saying: focus on the task at hand. If you have a task to do at work, do the task and don't burden yourself by becoming depressed about the past or anxious about the future.

[LostMyMind]

I would just plainly tell the manager. "When I get really anxious, I tend to talk fast. Hopefully once I settle in the job I won't be as anxious anymore." (of course, in your own words) Let her know that you know. Every manager is different, she seems to be a hands on manager. Work with her, maybe both of you can come up with a way to ease your anxiety.

As someone with bad memory also. :lol: I suggest coming up with a trick of your own to quickly remind yourself of what you forgot. Some folks use a notepad. Also it's really really bad, like you can't remember what your manager told you to do 10 mins ago. You might want to bring up that with your manager too, so she knows that you're not deliberately ignoring the task she gave you.

As much as we all hate to do it, kissing a** goes a long way. Show/tell her that you do want to do a good job. If a manager regards you as someone that will do what is needed to complete a job, that manager will put up with inconveniences just to keep you.

For myself, my problem was when I get tired my ears don't hear the same words that come out of peoples mouths, as well as a whole list of health problems. When I was working (before I retired), I let bosses know that. However, I also got things done. Even working late to finish jobs, fix other people mistakes, whatever it took to get the job done for the deadline. Which went a long way for when I couldn't come in for a few days in a row.

[wolfie]

A little over a month ago I finally got out of fast food after nearly 4 years of hell and my new job is amazing. It's a gas station/deli/convenience store/drive-in basically named after a goose (50 Galleons for anyone who can guess what it is).


Surprised nobody has guessed yet - there's a small town in Ontario (Canada) north of Lake Superior that's famous for a giant sculpture of a goose. I always wondered what connection there was between the town of Wawa and the gas station chain (I've only seen them in the U.S.) with the same name.

50 Galleons? My guess is you meant 50 gallons - since nobody would have a use for that many Columbus-era warships.

[Pezzle]

I live in central New Jersey, therefore Wawa = life blood of custom hoagies and amazing diet lemon iced tea. :D

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I think you should go see a doctor and talk to him or her about it.

Seriously. I had a friend who was exactly the way you describe yourself. It affected his job, his friendships, his love life, pretty much every facet of his life. Stress made it even worse. Constant, annoying, amost frantic chatter, physical twitches, clumsiness, tics, the works. It was bad (I refer to him in the past tense simply because I don't hang with him anymore. And no, it wasn't the problem that drove me away. It was me getting tired of some issues with him that had nothing to do with his problems. )

I am 100 percent certain that the guy had a chemical problem, and by that I mean he had some sort of physical internal imbalance. I really do think he could be helped. He just didn't want to seek help. He didn't want to admit he had a problem.

You recognize you have a problem There's help for you.

I'm not one to run to the drug cabinet for every problem. In fact, I am notoriously the opposite. But there are some things that can and should be managed this way. I have a bipolar family member that is not even functioning without her meds. With them, she is an intelligent, capable career woman. (I'm not saying you're bipolar, I"m just using my family member as an example.) I have a close friend who suffered from severe anxiety who recognized herself in an ad on TV, went to the docs, and now enjoys her life so much more.

[the_std]

You described the old me to a tee. I'm diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. It's possible that you have one, too. Or you might just be nervous about a new job.

[Maximillion]

50 Galleons? My guess is you meant 50 gallons - since nobody would have a use for that many Columbus-era warships.

You guessed correctly about Wawa but the 50 galleons is a reference to Harry Potter...Galleons are part of the magical currency :D I'll give you a hoagie instead of the galleons.

... I'm diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. It's possible that you have one, too. Or you might just be nervous about a new job.

I think it might be a little of both because when I was at my old job I'd get really anxious in drive-thru because of the pressure and I'd have a hard time breathing sometimes. But at Wawa I wasn't having the breathing issues. Lately I've actually been feeling less paranoid. I've volunteered to help out one of the managers every Friday night in the deli from 7PM-3AM because she always get bumrushed and it's difficult to make 20 hoagies at a time while cleaning one of the ovens out and storing the bread and dounuts and doing a lot of other stuff at once. She's been telling management she enjoys having someone "Hardworking" like me helping her out. That knowledge has made me more confident because I feel like I'm doing my job right. When I walk in, I don't feel like I'm one fuck-up short of losing my job. And I also get every Saturday off ;)

[Pezzle]

You guessed correctly about Wawa but the 50 galleons is a reference to Harry Potter...Galleons are part of the magical currency :D I'll give you a hoagie instead of the galleons.



Hey! I want one of those jumbo fucking super meaty hot dogs with spicy mustard! :D with a diet lemon iced tea and a bag of those little toasted ravioli gizmos. :lol: