Crazy Family or Crazy Me? long...

[Aethian]

I know others in the past have come with family woes and gotten some good advice and in the past you all have given me some sympathy when bad things happened so...I think I need to call on that again.

My Father in 1997 did something unforgivable and thus my parents were divorced and I have no contact with him, nor would I want any. It was found at that time that I have large missing gaps in my memory and with one session that could be afforded there is a really good reason why I have those gaps but that is only a background statement.

Since 97 I have tried to keep connection to the very large part of his side of the family, feeling more and more the 'black sheep' with Mom just not getting any attention or even having talks with anyone. About two years ago my Uncle who is also my God Father (a title that I stripped from him myself) and I had an arguement, and not even over anything big. We had differing opinions on small subjects and it led me to question why I wanted to see him. His wife, my Aunt and God Mother was hurt at what happened between the two of us and I declard to my Mother that I would not go to their home again unless invited.

Well speed up today and I'm in their city having to turn in my old passport to get a new one and I want to see my God Mother and tell her of funny things happening on my route. Uncle is home and I think, okay he's making good conversation with me...maybe he has changed and we can be civil again. Nope not even ten minuets there and he puts down my book idea as 'stupid, who would want to read that' honestly, I think he would.

Then we get to the part where my 82 year old (I didn't even know how old he was) grandfather was going to go to trial for hitting someone with no license or insurance. Turns out his lawyer got it swept under the rug and he doesn't even have to pay a fine. Now I understand he's family but I don't think that is right, 6 months probation a fine, ANYTHING rather then having it just swept away. He stated that I'm not fair and that he should e-mail everyone he knows to make it so I don't get my book published. When I tried restating my view in another way he said I should get so pissed off with him. And that he was right and I was wrong. Something his older Brother stated a LOT.

Taking a deep breath from that statement alone I just dropped it and tried telling my God Mother about a tailless fox I saw and he jumped in and said that it most likely was just a cat or something since I don't know about wild animals. Blinking I wanted to get up right then and their, I helped out at a nature center...I know what a fox looks like. I even got to hear the story on how the fox lost her tail too...but nope I knew nothing so the topic was dropped.

I tried again and tried telling my GodMother about a couple of cute very young kids that like to streak out of their house to get the mail. And when I mean streak, I mean streak...sometimes with only bath bubbles to cover them. He immediately jumped in and asked how old they were when I said I didn't know he said that excuse wasn't good when you were 12 and it's not good now. So how old are they? I stated that they didn't even come up to the mail box and he said that didn't tell him a thing and why was I looking anyways, don't I know better?

I know my eyes narrowed at that point and Mom suddenly stated that she had to get home to let the dogs out and stood up. My GodMother looked lost and a little confused as our visits use to last hours and this was barely twenty minuets. She even said she thinks she missed something.

So as we were leaving he made the comment that I'm just like my Mother, and that his Mom was right. Now my grandmother never liked my Mom and called her 'that damn stupid injun slut' so I figure if I'm the same as her then I don't need him or any of them in my life. Mom just sat silent as we drove away and let me rant on how much he hurt me mentally but I can't seem to get over it.

I feel like there is almost something wrong with trying to cut someone out of my life. That I'm wrong and somehow I did something to offend that branch of the family. I don't know anymore...I know I never want my guy to meet them but I don't want to cut my GodMother out of my life. I love her and when it's just me and her or with Mom sometimes we can have some really good conversations. But when he's around it's a ego fest of let me beat you down and make myself right on stuff that I don't even know what I'm talking about.

So do I just need a slap upside the head and apologize for whatever or am I somewhat in the right and going about things the wrong way...or I don't know.

I feel lost right now.

[Pedersen]

My advice, for all that it's worth: Cutting someone out of your life who does nothing but make your life a living hell is the right thing to do.

Refuse to deal with uncle anymore. Talk to god mother, and tell her something like this: "I love you, and love being around you. I want to spend time with you. However, your husband, at best, makes me feel like I'm in a constant fight just to remain in the same room. I can no longer accept his presence in my life. If dealing with him is a prerequisite to dealing with you, then I am truly sorry for the fact that I must lose you, too. Otherwise, can we please make time for us to be together without him?"

And sitck with that. If you see your uncle, get up and leave the room, leave the building, just get away. Don't even tell him you're not speaking to him anymore. Simply stop. Refuse to acknowledge his presence (unless he turns violent, then defend yourself with appropriate force and have him arrested). He simply stops existing for you.

That's my two cents on it, anyway.

[Evil Queen]

My dear this person is not a good person so it would be a good idea to cut him out of your life. Never speak to him again.

I'll bet you have a great idea for your book(s) and I highly doubt he has ways to keep your book from being published. He has a very small view of the world and deserves to just sit and wallow in his little corner.

There's no need for you to apologize and if he insults you or your mother you should tell him that his opinion means nothing and keep his nasty words from getting you riled up. He wants an extreme reaction out of you so he knows he's hurting you. Don't give it to him.

I'd avoid speaking to him again and speak solely to your Godmother, if you can.

[strawbabies]

Cut him out of your life. The way he speaks to you is just plain mean.

Unless he's some bigwig in the publishing industry, I don't see how he can do anything to stop you from publishing your book. I assume his friends are all simpletons like him, so emailing all of them will do him no good.

[Shangri-laschild]

I have an uncle that I flat out refuse to even be in the same house with. His wife (my mom's sister) hasn't done anything wrong and I still want her in my life. I'd honestly recommend that if you want to see her, find ways to do so without being around him. It'll not only get you more frustrated with him but it may make her worried that she's doing something wrong and make her feel more alienated.

[NimrodJess]

I was JUST having a conversation about this piece of advice with Dispatch last night.


NEVER give up on your dreams, not for someone you love, and ESPECIALLY not for someone you hate. Write the book and get it published, even if for simple spite.

That being said, I had a large falling-out with portions of my family as well. I have a "close" family of around 140 people (uncles/aunts, grandparents, cousins) and really only speak to my Grandmother and my parents and siblings. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done... but now that it's over and I don't have to deal with the mental abuse, I'm glad I'm done.

[wagegoth]

I'm one of those people who has learned to cut people out of her life. I have little belief in the "blood is thicker than water" crap.

You didn't choose to be born into that family. It happened. Obviously, they're a f**ked up bunch, more concerned with themselves and how things look, and happy to nurse their anger and take it out on a child.

They don't deserve you.

I'm older, so it's easier for me to stand up and say, "F**k this," and walk out. I've learned to limit whose opinion and feelings I care about to those people who genuinely care about me. I figure it's their loss if I'm not around, as plenty of people like me and enjoy my company.

F**k that bunch of selfish losers.