AdminAssistant
07-17-2008, 05:36 AM
I've noticed some other people posting deeply personal threads and getting comfort, advice, and solace. I'm not sure what I'm looking for by posting this, but...hey, what the hell, right? I'm going to be as concise as I can, but please forgive me if this gets a bit long, ranty, or emo.
This tale begins two years ago (well, not quite) when I moved to KC. I didn't really know anyone, I was a little scared and homesick, and pretty desparate for a friendly face. I did meet some cool people pretty quickly. Two of them figure into this tale: PhillyBoy and MissTexas. MissTexas and I were both new to the area, PhillyBoy had been her for a year. The three of us became friends rather quickly. PhillyBoy, in particular, was flirtatious. I wasn't terribly attracted to him physically (unibrow, anyone?), but he was a nice guy and hey, what the hell? I asked him over for a movie. We talked. We made out. After that night was over, we quickly became what some call "friends with benefits". He did not want to 'date' me, because he doesn't believe in dating. He believes in courtship that leads directly to marriage. He knew I wasn't looking for anything that serious, and I'm not the kind of girl he wants to marry. I'm very independent, and he wants a little 'wifey' to stay at home and do his laundry and cook his dinners. (He's very religious, but I don't think that has much to do with his beliefs. I think he uses it as an excuse. But that's not important.)
He also believes in not being sexually active with his future wife and being a virgin when he gets married. That's fine and dandy, but I can tell you with a good bit of accuracy that he's NOT. But..that doesn't count, of course.
Several months into this on-again, off-again strange pseudo-relationship we had, he drops the emotional equivalent of the A bomb. He has a similar 'agreement' with MissTexas. I always thought I would get really mad in a situation like this. I did, but I was so shocked that I couldn't express it. I left, and immediately blamed myself. Then, I blamed her. Finally, I got around to blaming HIM. But, how angry could I get? We weren't dating. I was mostly upset that he had LIED to me. No matter the nature of the relationship - a lie is a lie. MissTexas and I have a few awkward conversations. She knew about me, I didn't know about her. She's done with him, for good. He and I go for a few months, have a fling, rinse lather repeat. (I was lonely, didn't have many close friends, and no other offers :shrug:) About a year after the whole fiasco started, I finally FINALLY cut him off permanently. The three of us have remained friends for this past year, with no sexual tension. It's been much better.
Of course, anytime Miss Texas or I show an interest in another male, they are instantly "not good enough" and "don't meet his standards". He was the first one to say "I told you so" when an online date I had didn't work out. MissTexas started seeing a mutual friend who was "too old" and "had no ambition".
We are about to go our separate ways. I'm moving to Kansas, PhillyBoy is moving to St. Louis, and MissTexas is staying here, maybe. This has brought on a whole new level of guilt. PhillyBoy expects us to visit him, often. He wants MissTexas to go with him to help him set up his house.
RANT: He's a whiny, needy, clingy, Momma's Boy who won't take any responsibility for his actions and who won't GROW THE FUCK UP. (/rant)
He has hurt me more than anyone else I know, and put me through emotional hell. The topper is all of the "don't tell anyone about us" "Nobody can know I was with YOU" Yep, that's just the self-esteem boost I needed. He's so concerned about keeping that good-boy image and it just makes me sick. Because, you know, he has some good qualities. But the hypocrisy and the manipulation and the lies just over-ride it.
Anyway, the point of all this - we're moving away from each other. I've been keeping my distance all summer (MissTexas is away at a summer job). I'm really looking forward to shutting this chapter in my life, and not really looking back. MissTexas and I are actually pretty good friends now - she gets to deal with his BS just as much as I do, and that's brought us together in a strange way. Her I want to keep in touch with. I don't really want to keep in contact with PhillyBoy. Because, in some small way, everytime I see him, I'm reminded that I wasn't 'good' enough for him.
My self-esteem is in the toilet, I'm getting ready to meet a whole new set of people, and try to regain the confidence I've lost in the past two years. I just think it'll be easier if he's not in my life...at all.
*sigh* sorry about the epic length. I was really trying to restrain myself. :)
And thanks.
This tale begins two years ago (well, not quite) when I moved to KC. I didn't really know anyone, I was a little scared and homesick, and pretty desparate for a friendly face. I did meet some cool people pretty quickly. Two of them figure into this tale: PhillyBoy and MissTexas. MissTexas and I were both new to the area, PhillyBoy had been her for a year. The three of us became friends rather quickly. PhillyBoy, in particular, was flirtatious. I wasn't terribly attracted to him physically (unibrow, anyone?), but he was a nice guy and hey, what the hell? I asked him over for a movie. We talked. We made out. After that night was over, we quickly became what some call "friends with benefits". He did not want to 'date' me, because he doesn't believe in dating. He believes in courtship that leads directly to marriage. He knew I wasn't looking for anything that serious, and I'm not the kind of girl he wants to marry. I'm very independent, and he wants a little 'wifey' to stay at home and do his laundry and cook his dinners. (He's very religious, but I don't think that has much to do with his beliefs. I think he uses it as an excuse. But that's not important.)
He also believes in not being sexually active with his future wife and being a virgin when he gets married. That's fine and dandy, but I can tell you with a good bit of accuracy that he's NOT. But..that doesn't count, of course.
Several months into this on-again, off-again strange pseudo-relationship we had, he drops the emotional equivalent of the A bomb. He has a similar 'agreement' with MissTexas. I always thought I would get really mad in a situation like this. I did, but I was so shocked that I couldn't express it. I left, and immediately blamed myself. Then, I blamed her. Finally, I got around to blaming HIM. But, how angry could I get? We weren't dating. I was mostly upset that he had LIED to me. No matter the nature of the relationship - a lie is a lie. MissTexas and I have a few awkward conversations. She knew about me, I didn't know about her. She's done with him, for good. He and I go for a few months, have a fling, rinse lather repeat. (I was lonely, didn't have many close friends, and no other offers :shrug:) About a year after the whole fiasco started, I finally FINALLY cut him off permanently. The three of us have remained friends for this past year, with no sexual tension. It's been much better.
Of course, anytime Miss Texas or I show an interest in another male, they are instantly "not good enough" and "don't meet his standards". He was the first one to say "I told you so" when an online date I had didn't work out. MissTexas started seeing a mutual friend who was "too old" and "had no ambition".
We are about to go our separate ways. I'm moving to Kansas, PhillyBoy is moving to St. Louis, and MissTexas is staying here, maybe. This has brought on a whole new level of guilt. PhillyBoy expects us to visit him, often. He wants MissTexas to go with him to help him set up his house.
RANT: He's a whiny, needy, clingy, Momma's Boy who won't take any responsibility for his actions and who won't GROW THE FUCK UP. (/rant)
He has hurt me more than anyone else I know, and put me through emotional hell. The topper is all of the "don't tell anyone about us" "Nobody can know I was with YOU" Yep, that's just the self-esteem boost I needed. He's so concerned about keeping that good-boy image and it just makes me sick. Because, you know, he has some good qualities. But the hypocrisy and the manipulation and the lies just over-ride it.
Anyway, the point of all this - we're moving away from each other. I've been keeping my distance all summer (MissTexas is away at a summer job). I'm really looking forward to shutting this chapter in my life, and not really looking back. MissTexas and I are actually pretty good friends now - she gets to deal with his BS just as much as I do, and that's brought us together in a strange way. Her I want to keep in touch with. I don't really want to keep in contact with PhillyBoy. Because, in some small way, everytime I see him, I'm reminded that I wasn't 'good' enough for him.
My self-esteem is in the toilet, I'm getting ready to meet a whole new set of people, and try to regain the confidence I've lost in the past two years. I just think it'll be easier if he's not in my life...at all.
*sigh* sorry about the epic length. I was really trying to restrain myself. :)
And thanks.