Sooooo, yeeaaahh i need some advice

[SteeleDragon78]

so yeah, my current gf has 2 roommates. one is my sister, the other is a girl with more baggage than a fully loaded 747. we will call her e for now. e was dating g, one of so ex roomies, he dumps her in a fashion typical to him, and basically causes her to move in with gf and my sis. at first sis and gf were ok with this. that was in march im writing this now so that i can get it all off my chest and so i dont go to bed mad. still may end up doing so but meh.

ok, she brought her hamster and chinchilla when she moved in. was unable to procure a job for about a month due to no ss card. got her a card, and now waiting on a job. got her card in april. its now july almost august and still no job. all ive observer her do when im there is play on gf computer on myspace/lj/facebook etc. when not in there she watches old reruns of law and order on cable. she cleans sometimes, refuses to clean the litter boxes, and has lately been beginning to tread on my last nerve.

gf feels that she is helping e get back on her feet and trying to resolve some of the baggage. all well and good, but e is not putting forth much effort on any front. she had a bf for all of 2 weeks. has 3 others chasing her. none of which are out of their parents houses. she hasnt put much money forth towards any expenses. nothing for the cable she watches nor the internet she plays on for a good 9-10 hours a day.

now gf is still recovering from her last roommate flaking on her. (one of those move in the middle of the night kind of flakes) and has yet to fully unpack from moving. granted she moved in november she has a lot of "stuff". ill admit shes a pack rat. but i digress. sis has been helping with expenses as she can paying off a car and my parents for floating her car note for 3 months after a failed college trip. (sis didnt have a job in the city where she was going or money saved for the lean times. but she learned from that) all this being said, the apt is kinda cluttered.

the apt is a 1940's 50's era apt, 2 bedroom, 1 bath, 650 sqft i think. anyway sis and gf each have a room, e sleeps on the couch. we have been looking for a place for all of us, 3 bed or more and atleast 2 bath. but its not easy with the collective credit and es lack of employment. now the living room has been pretty cluttered with e's stuff, leftover move stuff, a couple of my things as i stay over on weekends. E will constantly complain about the mess, the fact that the cats are all over her stuff. (we have 3, all are on my gf myspace if you look) and that she hates cats, but agreed to come live with us anyway.

so lately she has been more whiny and cranky than usual. now i would never call myself psychic, but im very sensitive to others moods, feelings, etc. the vibes this girl is giving off have made it difficult to sleep in the apt with her there. not from worry that she will go axemurderer on us, but more a bad vibe. not sure how to describe it. anyway, shes been getting progressivly worse since moving in with us. she also has started cutting. she had done this in the past and aparently restarted this.

i care about her in that shes the same age as sis and looks to me like a big brother. but im about to smack the taste out of her mouth (figuratively speaking) because she is on a self destructive spiral and hasnt responded to any of my offers for help. the breaking point is comming. i had to leave early today because she made a little dig at gf that almost had me in her face screaming to grow up.( i didnt, i held it in and just left)

im at my wits end, love my gf, love my sis, kinda love E too, but its affecting my health and sleep now. any advice would be more than welcome. thanks for letting me rant and vent. very cathartic. SD

[Soulstealer]

It's time for an ultimatum. But first get the others behind you on this and you have good reason for it. Tell E that either she shapes up or she has to leave. She's a grown woman, she is not your responsibility.

[dispatch]

I've seen this before; when someone is left to sit around the house all day with no job, even if they are interacting by phone or internet, they will start to decay mentally into depression, this happens to people in extended hospital stays too. I would try to get her out of the house and doing something, even if it's trivial like "hey, I have a few errands to run and was thinking about stopping for food, wanna tag along?" or just offer to take her to apply and don't settle for the "I'll apply online" excuse.
Last winter I was working loads of overtime and for awhile if I wasn't at work I was doing laundry or sitting around my apartment, one night I realized I was depressed because I'd bees starting at the walls for nearly 2 months and decided to go out for the night, HUGE change in mood just leaving the house and driving somewhere other than work!

[Evil Queen]

It's called being Empathic. Welcome to the club, love. (I have a habit of amplifying moods)

I think E needs a good talking to and a JOB. Set a timeline where if she can't comply, she's gone.

[RetailWorkhorse]

*Clicks shoes on floor*

I dunno, man, maybe you SHOULD smack the taste outta her mouth. Maybe she'll realize what she's doing and will get her butt moving.

...I said maybe...

[Crazeyal]

Confrontation is sometimes destructive in the short term, positive in the long term. The amount of times I've heard or read people say the words "I wish someone had kicked me in the ass when.." is LEGION.

You aren't doing this person any favors by being nice. If you want to remain polite while gving them the truth and handing out ultimatums, go for it. This is passed the point of being friendly and helpful. Letting them live like this makes you an enabler. It's no way to live life.

Sit down and write down what you need them to accomplish, bare minimum to co-exist in the apartment. Then write down what they would need to contribute to remain after 2 - 3 months. Failure and staying in the same situation is not to be considered. The consequence of not trying is expulsion. The consequence of failing even if they DO try.. is expulsion.. So they'd BETTER not fail.

It sounds tough and mean. It is. There is no other way around being depressed and destitute. The person in that situation HAS to do it themselves.

Good luck.

[SteeleDragon78]

well i talked with sis, and she agrees with everyone here on what needs to be done. now i just need to get gf on board and then have "the talk". also, sorry about the spelling in my op, i was a little drunk, bourbon helps numb the extra vibes i feel and helps me sleep. and after her last comments i needed a LOT of bourbon. wanted to say thanks to all who have given advise here, we are going to take it