Jester
07-28-2008, 09:06 AM
Tonight I had an interesting encounter out at a local watering hole.
Background Info #1: I have mentioned my friend Little Red here from time to time. She is a lovely young lady that I hang out with on a regular basis. My friend Photo Dude thinks we should be dating as, in his mind, we basically ARE dating other than the whole sex thing. Little Red and I think Photo Dude should go take a flying leap, and mind his own business. Little Red and I go out and have fun, usually looking for boys for her and girls for me. We tend to be far more successful with the former. :lol:
Background Info #2: There is a girl, Liz, who I bump into from time to time. For various reasons, Liz and Little Red are profoundly Not Fond Of One Another. I don't know Liz all that well, but I do know that she tends to run off at the mouth about things which she has no idea.
So Little Red and I are out at said watering hole tonight with some other friends. Little Red and another friend are sitting at the bar playing video games, and I am sitting a bit away from them watching the ongoing beer pong game. And Liz is sitting by me, also watching said game.
LIZ: "Jester, are you dating anyone here?"
JESTER: (knowing full well who she's talking about, but playing dumb) "Nope. I'm very single. Why?"
LIZ: "Oh, I dunno. I see you and Little Red out and about all the time, thought something might be going on with you two."
JESTER: (Not like it's any of your fucking business, bitch, but....) "Yeah, our friend Photo Dude is always saying we should be dating, as he says we do everything together but sex."
LIZ: "So you're not fucking her?"
JESTER: (Alarm bells are starting to go off, but I am curious where this is going....) "No, as I said, we don't have sex."
LIZ: "So you haven't fucked her?"
JESTER: (What did I just tell you, bitch?) "No."
LIZ: "I was just wondering."
JESTER: "Fair enough."
LIZ: "Don't."
JESTER: (Thinking Liz had misheard me say something offensive.) "No, I said 'fair enough.'"
LIZ: "I know. I said don't. Don't fuck her."
(This is the point when most normal humans would have noticed my normally half-closed eyes sharpen to angry slits, my nostrils flare, my smile turn into a dangerously friendly snarl. Then again, most normal humans would not have trodden down this particular path.)
JESTER: "Excuse me?"
LIZ: "Don't fuck her."
JESTER: "Little Red is my friend, and I think it would be best if you did not comment about my friends to me."
LIZ: "I mean, I don't have any problems with her....well, actually, I DO, but that's not my point....just don't--"
JESTER: (politely, but hardly making an attempt to appear friendly)"Liz, keep your comments to yourself."
LIZ: "I was just trying to say--"
JESTER: (pointedly) "Liz, it would be best if you kept your comments about my friends to yourself."
LIZ: "...."
JESTER: (highly dangerous snarl smile baring my fangs teeth)
I have a lot of friends with boats.
I have a whole ocean to work with.
When will people learn that making snotty comments about my friends to me is about as safe a pasttime as juggling rusty chainsaws with your scrotum?
Background Info #1: I have mentioned my friend Little Red here from time to time. She is a lovely young lady that I hang out with on a regular basis. My friend Photo Dude thinks we should be dating as, in his mind, we basically ARE dating other than the whole sex thing. Little Red and I think Photo Dude should go take a flying leap, and mind his own business. Little Red and I go out and have fun, usually looking for boys for her and girls for me. We tend to be far more successful with the former. :lol:
Background Info #2: There is a girl, Liz, who I bump into from time to time. For various reasons, Liz and Little Red are profoundly Not Fond Of One Another. I don't know Liz all that well, but I do know that she tends to run off at the mouth about things which she has no idea.
So Little Red and I are out at said watering hole tonight with some other friends. Little Red and another friend are sitting at the bar playing video games, and I am sitting a bit away from them watching the ongoing beer pong game. And Liz is sitting by me, also watching said game.
LIZ: "Jester, are you dating anyone here?"
JESTER: (knowing full well who she's talking about, but playing dumb) "Nope. I'm very single. Why?"
LIZ: "Oh, I dunno. I see you and Little Red out and about all the time, thought something might be going on with you two."
JESTER: (Not like it's any of your fucking business, bitch, but....) "Yeah, our friend Photo Dude is always saying we should be dating, as he says we do everything together but sex."
LIZ: "So you're not fucking her?"
JESTER: (Alarm bells are starting to go off, but I am curious where this is going....) "No, as I said, we don't have sex."
LIZ: "So you haven't fucked her?"
JESTER: (What did I just tell you, bitch?) "No."
LIZ: "I was just wondering."
JESTER: "Fair enough."
LIZ: "Don't."
JESTER: (Thinking Liz had misheard me say something offensive.) "No, I said 'fair enough.'"
LIZ: "I know. I said don't. Don't fuck her."
(This is the point when most normal humans would have noticed my normally half-closed eyes sharpen to angry slits, my nostrils flare, my smile turn into a dangerously friendly snarl. Then again, most normal humans would not have trodden down this particular path.)
JESTER: "Excuse me?"
LIZ: "Don't fuck her."
JESTER: "Little Red is my friend, and I think it would be best if you did not comment about my friends to me."
LIZ: "I mean, I don't have any problems with her....well, actually, I DO, but that's not my point....just don't--"
JESTER: (politely, but hardly making an attempt to appear friendly)"Liz, keep your comments to yourself."
LIZ: "I was just trying to say--"
JESTER: (pointedly) "Liz, it would be best if you kept your comments about my friends to yourself."
LIZ: "...."
JESTER: (highly dangerous snarl smile baring my fangs teeth)
I have a lot of friends with boats.
I have a whole ocean to work with.
When will people learn that making snotty comments about my friends to me is about as safe a pasttime as juggling rusty chainsaws with your scrotum?