Designfox needs lots of hugs...

[DesignFox]

:cry: I really just need some people to cry to. For an extensive period of time. My boyfriend of over 4 years, the one I thought I would someday marry...the man I moved my whole life 45 mins from home for, has just decided "we have nothing in common."

He has no desire to spend any time together and try to fix whatever it is that has set us drifting apart...

He held whatever has been bothering him all bottled up inside and just...blew up at me last week.

We talked extensively and he tells me he doesn't understand why I love him. He lists all his character traits and hobbies and says he doesn't understand why I "put up with his shit." No matter how much I tell him I love him, that nothing he has done matters to me, he just says, "I know...I don't get it!" and compares me to some of his friends wives who hate things their husbands do and are vocal about it...or just sadly says, he knows....

He encouraged me a lot in my horseback riding, but this summer as I started showing, and at the peak when I was hitting my stride, he got snottier and snottier about my being around horses...and he stopped listening to any of my horse stories and couldn't even be excited when I came home with prizes. I asked him why that changed, and he says he just can't accept it because he has no interest!

Right last week at the end of my "break" for the season, we started fighting. Rather than talking or spending time together, he kept running off.

Finally, this Sunday, he decided we can't fix it. And we've sort of said goodbye.

I'm falling apart. I keep bursting into tears. My stomach hurts. I can't eat.

I have to slowly move everything out of his house...and move back to my parents. I keep finding things that remind me of him, and remind me of when he used to be a good, kind person...and I can't stop crying.

I still have so much stuff to move out of his house...I have to change over the easy pass into my name...and get all my mail sent back to my parents. It's just so much work, and I'm so drained and miserable.

I can barely sleep (although sleeping at my parents house last night, I did sleep a little more than I have been). Sometimes I dream...and it alternates between horrible dreams of him doing mean and awful things, and dreams of us getting back together again. And I wake up with my tummy in knots and want to cry.

I have a great support network and everyone keeps telling me I'll get better and everything will be fine, but I hurt so much. I just want my hunny... :cry:

I don't get it...for lots of reasons.

And I love his family to death, his mom and I have/had? such a great relationship, and I don't know if I'll even get to say goodbye to them...

I keep trying to keep busy, but I just want to cry forever...:cry:

Anyone who stayed through this, thanks for listening. I just want shoulders to cry on...:cry: I hurt... So much...

[Crazeyal]

People change.

At least he cared about you enough to recognize his own faults. You can't live with a lie of a relationship. Trust me when I say that it will get better.

As far as his family goes, taking it easy and staying away for a while is probably for the best. You need to heal emotionally and constant reminders will just open up the wounds. But you do NOT need to cut them out of your life.

You can't fix other people. You can't make him change his mind. From what you've written, you already know this. He's an idiot. He's going to regret this someday, but it's clear the relationship is done.

You and and WILL move on.

Rant away, we'll be here.

[Sheldonrs]

Usually it's a bunch of BS but in this case it really ISN'T you; it's him. He seems to have communication problems.
Just move back to your parents' place and keep your riding time going.
As for the things that keep reminding you of him, pack them in a box and leave them in a closet until you're ready to see them without the emotional attachments. And if you like his parents, stay in touch with them if they are willing. They are friends and there's no reason you need to break up with them too so long as it doesn't hurt you.

*HUGS*

[FuzzyKitten99]

Here's a real good chance to really throw yourself into your riding. Now you'll have twice the time to practice and really focus. Even extra cuddle-time with your horse!

Whenever I had a boyfriend break it off with me (I was still a teenager, so I still lived at home), I just distracted myself with my riding, which I was doing at the time as well. I had more time on my hands, so I volunteered to help with lessons with the "under 12" classes at the times I would have been hanging out with my current guy. I also was less distracted and I actually found my riding improved because I was more focused, purely driven by heartache and the desire to not think about it.

[Giggle Goose]

:cry: I've been in the exact same situation before. You might even be able to dig up the thread somewhere around here. It ruined me. Almost a year and a half later I think I'm over it. (Finally)

I felt the same way you did until I came to the realization that I DID deserve better; and by investing so much time in my relationship I lost a lot of myself.

I finally decided one day that if he was the type of person that would just throw all that time and energy away, then he wasn't the one I wanted to end up with.

PLEASE pm or try me on AIM (when you're ready) because I really do know how you feel. I've been through a lot in my life and that was hands-down the worst event EVER.

[DesignFox]

Thank you all so much, your comments mean so much to me. It is already getting a bit easier, but the stress of rearranging my room at home and having to go back for my stuff just sucks.

I am crying a bit less, but it just still comes out of nowhere. I didn't really see this coming...looking back, yea...maybe I should have, but people go through funky times, and I figured work was just stressful and he needed some time to relax.

The old him would have done a lot more than the current him has. So, I guess it is for the best. It just doesn't feel like it. I love him very dearly. I've lost not only my lover, but my best friend and partner in a lot of things. It's such a shame he didn't want to work on things...we did drift a little. I wanted to fix it...but I can't force things...then it is only a lie. At least he is honest.

But, I guess it's better to know now...at least my family has been very supportive. My boss is wonderful and has transferred me to one of his other locations close to my parent's house, and my riding instructor is there for me. It's not like I moved to California or some crazy shit and came to find this out!

*sigh* it just sucks. One of the worst things was that I forgot about one of the many sweet things he did back before we were living together- he had rearranged the glow stars on my cieling to be in the shape of a heart right above my head...I woke up in the middle of the night last night to a glowing heart! :cry: It doesn't mean he loves me, like it used to... :cry:

Even going through the his house and picking out my stuff...finding things he gave me...remembering notes he used to leave for me...finding memories of the few vacations we took together. Ugh.

At least, too, I have lots of friends. Even my customers have been coming to my rescue!

I ranted myself out for now... *sigh*

[BookstoreEscapee]

I'm so sorry to hear this. You mentioned at our get-together that you were having some problems...I hoped they would work out differently. :hug:

Out of curiosity, where do your parents live? (pm me if you want to answer that)

If I had an extra room I'd offer it up..