Is it really just me...?

[lupo pazzesco]

This is a general opinion thing I’d like people to weigh in on, if that’s ok.

Now, everyday without fail, since I’ve moved to Houston, I’ve had at least one guy follow me in his car where I’m walking, either at a bus stop, in a store parking lot, or just walking someplace in general. This random generic guy will pull over like he’s a demigod on wheels and proceed to attempt to pick me up and/or proposition me.

I don’t find this flattering at all. I find it kind of disturbing, really, that a guy thinks it’s perfectly acceptable to a) follow a woman for an indeterminate distance and then b) proceed to try and convince her to date him.

The lines used run the gauntlet from mildly amusing to downright pornographic. It happened again last night while I was waiting to meet up with Evil Queen. I’m standing in the parking lot, and this guy in an SUV pulls up and asks me if I’m looking for a date, because I’m just so hot, and damn, can’t he just have my number, etc, etc, etc. I told him to get lost and he told me I’d never land a man with my attitude. I informed him that I, personally don’t find it attractive or appealing in any way that a guy thinks if he pulls over on the side of a road, a woman is going to want to go out with him. I find it rude and disturbing and creepy.

Now, I understand that it’s nice to meet people, but I think that it says something unflattering about a person that they’re literally trolling for people in the streets of Houston, and most of the time they act as though I should be flattered by the attention. I don’t think I’m that cute that I stop traffic, I think they’re sick individuals. I’m then usually called names, usually rude ones, because I don’t want to hop in their car or give them my number, or let them take me somewhere.

I guess my question is two fold, actually. First, to the ladies of the board, am I really prudish and cold to think that guys who do this are sickos, and that it’s crazy to actually want to go out with a guy who picks up girls at bus stops and anywhere on the road they find them? I, personally, feel like they think I’m little more than a prostitute, or at least someone easy, that if they tell me I’m beautiful and flatter me enough times, I’ll just go with them because they’re that damn fine.

And for the gents of the board: Am I missing something here, or is it really ok to pull over in traffic and ask a girl for her number or for a date?

I guess what I’m trying to say is, there are so many conventional places to meet people, like bars, restaurants, school, work, hell even grocery stores themselves as opposed to the parking lots! Is it really just me who seems to find this whole thing kind of skeezy and creepy rather than accepting it’s a fact of life and I’m just blowing the whole thing out of proportion? Maybe it’s just because all the guys who’ve pulled over to “holla’ at me” give me a strange, creepy vibe that I’m so against this, but I’d really like a few honest opinions if y’all would be so kind.

[marty]

I'm going to agree with you and say it's creepy for someone to try and pick you up off the side of the road. I've had it done to me, and I must say, it was a whole hell of a lot more scary than flattering.

[AdminAssistant]

First, to the ladies of the board, am I really prudish and cold to think that guys who do this are sickos, and that it’s crazy to actually want to go out with a guy who picks up girls at bus stops and anywhere on the road they find them? I, personally, feel like they think I’m little more than a prostitute, or at least someone easy, that if they tell me I’m beautiful and flatter me enough times, I’ll just go with them because they’re that damn fine.

No, you are not being prudish and cold, you're being smart and safe. Yeah, it could just be an egocentric jackass, or it could be someone out to harm you. If someone really harrasses you, you can either pull out a can of pepper spray (if it's legal in your area) or your cell phone, with your finger on 9. That should make 'em scurry.

Or you can hurl insults back. "With that car? Please, baby, you're compensating for something" or, "Oooh, sorry, but I like men." But, honestly, you never know who it is and how they'd react.

Eddie Izzard actually does a brilliant bit in Unrepeatable on guys who get off on yelling things to strangers. "But, you see, it's a code. What they're really saying is, 'Oi, darling! Oi, darling! I'm a wanker! I'm a wanker! I'm a wanker...."

[Evil Queen]

Oh no, doll, guys who drive up are creeps. Best to be avoided and their vehicles later egged.

I get it all the time myself. That's why I drive.

[One-Fang]

Creeps. It's disturbing and sick.

However, I have to wonder ... if this happens to you so much, what draws it? Is it perhaps time to get an honest evaluation of your wardrobe from a trusted friend? I mean, I'm sort of all for people wearing whatever makes them comfortable, but there are some outfits that would give the men the impression you are the kind of girl that would react positively to that.

I mean, heck, I don't know what you're wearing. I'm not saying you need to change. But do you think maybe a re-evaluation might be in order?

[lupo pazzesco]

Creeps. It's disturbing and sick.

However, I have to wonder ... if this happens to you so much, what draws it? Is it perhaps time to get an honest evaluation of your wardrobe from a trusted friend? I mean, I'm sort of all for people wearing whatever makes them comfortable, but there are some outfits that would give the men the impression you are the kind of girl that would react positively to that.

I mean, heck, I don't know what you're wearing. I'm not saying you need to change. But do you think maybe a re-evaluation might be in order?

Most of the time, I'm in tank tops and jeans. I'll occasionally wear skirts, but nothing hoochie. I mean, I'm a BIG girl. I know what I should and shouldn't wear, I would hope.

I wish I knew what drew it, so I could stop it, but it's happened when I'm in a dress. It's happened when I'm in sweatpants and a hoodie. I just can't win.

I guess I am just a chaos magnet, or something...

Oh no, doll, guys who drive up are creeps. Best to be avoided and their vehicles later egged.

I get it all the time myself. That's why I drive.

You missed the creep that drove up five minutes before you arrived!! Big ol' suburban, and acting like it's a beemer or something. I had to walk away, go into my complex, then exit out another gate after he left.

[Broomjockey]

Okay, as the first guy to weigh in on this, I have to say it isn't creepy. (Edit to add: I mean not creepy as described, imo. I can see cases where it could be, but I guess my standard of creepy is different)

It's stupid, degrading, insulting, and unrealistic. But not creepy.

It's the epitome of "manly behaviour." Also known as the heights of boorishness. They think they're such hot shit that they can literally pick up any random girl at the side of the road, and apparently you've got something about you that just clicks for them. It's unfortunate for you, because you have to continually put up with this.

I hate it, because it makes things incredibly hard for the nice guys, because they know crap like this goes on, and so play it too safe, and don't wanna approach girls in the places you listed (bars, work, etc) because they don't wanna come off as skeezy.

[Evil Queen]

Broom, would you like for me to go to Canadaland and try to pick you up in all the sleezy ways Morons have tried to pick me up? Now, bare in mind I generally look like a pre-teen.

Lovely, doll, now think about it. Harder. That a boy...

Is it perhaps time to get an honest evaluation of your wardrobe from a trusted friend?

I saw her myself last night; my clothes are more hoochie-mama then hers!

You missed the creep that drove up five minutes before you arrived!! Big ol' suburban, and acting like it's a beemer or something. I had to walk away, go into my complex, then exit out another gate after he left.

Yeah, you were telling us about it in the car~! You know what they say about guys in big cars? They're compensating for something! :lol:

[lupo pazzesco]

Okay, as the first guy to weigh in on this, I have to say it isn't creepy.

It's stupid, degrading, insulting, and unrealistic. But not creepy.

I hate it, because it makes things incredibly hard for the nice guys, because they know crap like this goes on, and so play it too safe, and don't wanna approach girls in the places you listed (bars, work, etc) because they don't wanna come off as skeezy.

I can see how a guy wouldn't see it as creepy as not being the recipient, but it's all the other things you listed, too. And creepy IS a matter of definition.

And the thing is, because of buffoons like that, it does kind of make women (or at least ME) more wary of those who approach in the normal settings listed above. I'm less likely to think a guy in a bar is skeezy, though. At least he's in a socially accepted setting for meeting other people, not a random street corner or bus stop. :(



and EQ, you didn't look all that hoochie mama, either!! Though...the pre-teen description is pretty accurate.

[pssorens]

to look at it from another angle, i've noticed that when I ride my bike or walk there are large number's of men that either have to shout some smartass comment at me or honk and carry on to show that they are driving a car while poor little old me is using a simpler form of transport.

I think that the reason that they mock me and hit on you is one of inspired confidence. If a man's home is his castle, then, his auto is his warhorse and platemail. While driving his car he is safe to say and do things because being in his car gives him a level of security and anonimity that he would not have face to face.

[Broomjockey]

Broom, would you like for me to go to Canadaland and try to pick you up in all the sleezy ways Morons have tried to pick me up? Now, bare in mind I generally look like a pre-teen.

Lovely, doll, now think about it. Harder. That a boy...


Sleezy =/= creepy. Random guy hitting on random people not creepy if that's it. It's the manner of delivery, and as I said, as described, it doesn't sound it. Creepy is leering, licking lips, and staring at boobs while doing it.
I can see how a guy wouldn't see it as creepy as not being the recipient

Actually, I was imagining being the recipient. To me it just sounds like being a jackass, but I guess the whole "getting a guy's opinion" was just standard boilerplate, considering the responses. I'll remember that and not bother responding next time.

[Evil Queen]

So Broom... :eyewaggle: Wanna see my Spaceship? :eyewaggle:

[Danno]

I dunno, maybe some Texans really do take the Boomhauer approach to meeting women. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmbquCJrb-g)

[Evil Queen]

Danno, this makes me sooo glad I'm not a texan.

:cry:

[dendawg]

Danno, this makes me sooo ashamed to be a Texan.

Edited to reflect my feelings on the matter.
(Grew up in Texas, not Texan by birth)

[Slytovhand]

ummmm - another male perspective.

Personally, I've never gotten the idea of just driving up and hitting on like that. And I'd be worried about any woman who would go for it.

But, on the other hand, if there are 2 people at a bus stop who start up a chat, I can appreciate one asking the other out.

but then, I'd say the difference is seeing someone as a piece of meat, and the other an actual interest in them as a person....


But I'm a loser - so I'm probably biased.

[Greenday]

I've seen guys do it, and I've seen it work. So I guess it's not as bad as some people make it out to be. As long as the guy doesn't follow you around and keep bothering you, I don't see it as too creepy.

[Evil Queen]

Edited to reflect my feelings on the matter.
(Grew up in Texas, not Texan by birth)

You poor thing. Lets form a support group.

(I've lived in TX for less then a year and everyday it makes me feel sad)

[AdminAssistant]

I've seen guys do it, and I've seen it work. So I guess it's not as bad as some people make it out to be. As long as the guy doesn't follow you around and keep bothering you, I don't see it as too creepy.

So, if you were walking down the street and a gaggle of women drove by, rolled down their windows and started saying, "Hey, baby! Hey, baby! How 'bout you come with us? Let's see what you're working with!" etc, it wouldn't weird you out just a bit?

[Greenday]

So, if you were walking down the street and a gaggle of women drove by, rolled down their windows and started saying, "Hey, baby! Hey, baby! How 'bout you come with us? Let's see what you're working with!" etc, it wouldn't weird you out just a bit?

As I live on a college campus, not at all. And even if for some reason I didn't want to, I'd simply just say no thanks and keep going wherever I'm going or just play along and then continue on my way. No different from other situations I've been in.

For instance, while at my homecoming parade yesterday, some girl was climbing over a small fence in front of the student center so she could sit on the curb. While climbing over the fence, she looked at me and said, "Ooh, look how flexible I am with my legs. You like that?" Without missing a beat, I said, "You know it ;)" then continued watching the parade.

[Jester]

am I really prudish and cold to think that guys who do this are sickos, and that it’s crazy to actually want to go out with a guy who picks up girls at bus stops and anywhere on the road they find them?

Am I missing something here, or is it really ok to pull over in traffic and ask a girl for her number or for a date?

I am a firm believer that you can meet someone, romantically, professionally, or as a friend, anywhere. Even on the street. I have no problem whatsoever with meeting someone on the street, or anywhere. Seriously. I once met a good friend when I was selling my dorm refrigerator.

That being said, what are you describing is not two people meeting and striking up a conversation and then maybe more, but a dude trying to prove the size of his cojones by picking up some babe he sees in the street. In other words, a jackass.

You are not prudish or cold to think these guys are in appropriate, though there is not enough information here to say they are sickos as well. If you think it's crazy to go out with a guy who picks up girls at bus stops, that is your prerogative. Personally, I don't know that I would want to get involved with a girl that would go with guys who obviously have so little "game."

But hey, that's me. Maybe some guys have success with this. I just have never met a single one. Also, maybe some girls like it. I just have never met a single one.

So, if you were walking down the street and a gaggle of women drove by, rolled down their windows and started saying, "Hey, baby! Hey, baby! How 'bout you come with us? Let's see what you're working with!" etc, it wouldn't weird you out just a bit?

Actually, as a guy, I would enjoy it. No, seriously. Guys are wired differently from girls, and while I can't speak for all guys, nor do I claim to, I dare so most guys would thoroughly enjoy the attention. Remember, we are usually the pursuers, not the pursued....it would be a nice change of pace. And it has never, never happened to me. :(

[lupo pazzesco]

Sleezy =/= creepy. Random guy hitting on random people not creepy if that's it. It's the manner of delivery, and as I said, as described, it doesn't sound it. Creepy is leering, licking lips, and staring at boobs while doing it.


Actually, I was imagining being the recipient. To me it just sounds like being a jackass, but I guess the whole "getting a guy's opinion" was just standard boilerplate, considering the responses. I'll remember that and not bother responding next time.

I suppose I was a bit lackluster in the description department, but it ranges from guys asking if I'm lonely for a date, to one guy insisting I was so beautiful, while staring at my boobs, and he kept asking if I was married. The most extreme instance was a a guy who gave a detailed description of what he wanted to do to me, the instances are just too many to list.

I DO want a guy's a opinion, I'm just not all that great with words sometimes when trying to explain things, I guess. It wasn't standard boilerplate, I swear, and I do apologize if I gave the impression that I was brushing off your opinion. I genuinely want to know if it's something acceptable that I'm just not getting, but I think having varying degrees and definitions of terms kind of clouded the point I was trying to get across. Again, I'm sorry if I offended or appeared to belittle in anyway.

[Greenday]

Remember, we are usually the pursuers, not the pursued....it would be a nice change of pace. And it has never, never happened to me. :(

It's like that for most of us. No worries Jester.

[Jester]

With the small descriptions you gave, I will try to give an educated male opinion on your streetside suitors.

guys asking if I'm lonely for a date

Depending on how they asked this, these guys are either desperate, socially awkward, and shy loser, or else jackasses propositioning you, using "date" as a euphemism in the same way hookers do. The first is harmless and annoying. The second can run the spectrum from harmless but annoying to potentially dangerous if "the ho ain't givin' it up, G."

...one guy insisting I was so beautiful, while staring at my boobs, and he kept asking if I was married.

Garden variety idiotic jackass pig. Usually harmless, though potentially a candidate for Date Rapist of the Week.

The most extreme instance was a a guy who gave a detailed description of what he wanted to do to me.

Either showing off for his boys if they're there (they stereotypical construction worker wolf whistler, etc.) to a downright brazen shitstorm in boots. Out of all of them, I would say this is potentially the creepiest, most perverted of the lot.


With most of them, a strong, firm, defiant, and dismissive stance and tone will get them to move along. For the more dangerous ones, I recommend that you keep driving, and/or keep pepper spray on hand. I don't THINK you would need it with most of them, but as they say, it's better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Creeps. It's disturbing and sick.

However, I have to wonder ... if this happens to you so much, what draws it? Is it perhaps time to get an honest evaluation of your wardrobe from a trusted friend? I mean, I'm sort of all for people wearing whatever makes them comfortable, but there are some outfits that would give the men the impression you are the kind of girl that would react positively to that.

I mean, heck, I don't know what you're wearing. I'm not saying you need to change. But do you think maybe a re-evaluation might be in order?

I have to take exception to this for a number of reasons.

First, this type if behavior is innappropriate no matter how you slice it. There is no instance where this behavior is appropriate. I don't care what she's wearing. I don't care if she's naked. You don't pull over and confront strange women on the street like this, then badmouth them when they turn you down. It's never okay.

Secondly, they do this no matter how you are dressed. It's not usually about actually getting a date or trying to let the woman know you honestly think she's attractive. It's about intimidation. I have had this happen to me when I was dressed in such a way as to practically disguise my gender. I have had this happen to me dressed in slovenly, paint-splashed, baggy pants and a ball cap. More than once. I do not dress in such a way as to appear "cheap" or "easy" or whatever. I know first hand that is doesn't matter one iota how you are dressed. Just that you are female.

So, in answer to the OP's question, you have every right to feel put off, angry, disgusted, by this behavior. It's disrespectful, rude, and aimed to make you uncomfortable.

If you want to get a little revenge, take a cell phone pic of the pigs and post it here: http://hollabacknyc.blogspot.com/

[Jester]

Kinkoid, I don't think One-Fang meant to imply that the behavior was in any way the OP's fault. I think his comments were merely suggesting that something the OP was doing MIGHT be causing some of the behavior directed at her. Of course the behavior is still inexcusable, but if she were looking for a way to stop some of it, she might want to see IF anything she was doing was bringing any of this unwanted attention her way. It is not unwise advice; even if it would not stop all of the attention she is getting, if there is something she could change that would stop some of it, wouldn't that be worth it?

At least, that is what I think One-Fang meant, and what I read it as.

It bears repeating that the behavior is, as you said, completely inexcusable. Please don't think I think otherwise merely for my defense of what One-Fang said and/or was attempting to say.

[Greenday]

First, this type if behavior is innappropriate no matter how you slice it.

It's only inappropriate if it doesn't work. Now if he just let her go after she said no, would it have been such a despicable act?

[Jester]

It's only inappropriate if it doesn't work. Now if he just let her go after she said no, would it have been such a despicable act?

Well, let's review, shall we?

guys asking if I'm lonely for a date

No.

...one guy insisting I was so beautiful, while staring at my boobs, and he kept asking if I was married.

Yes.

...a a guy who gave a detailed description of what he wanted to do to me...

Yes.

[Greenday]

Well, #2 is a perv, there's no denying that. And #3 probably should just be castrated.

I'm just saying, if a guy is civil about it, hitting on a girl while in his car isn't a terrible act.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Well, true, and I agree with that. There is nothing inherently wrong with hitting on someone from a car. I mean, I've had guys pull up at the red light and respectfully compliment me, I see nothing skeevy about that.

But then there are the creepy guys, and really, that's who I'm talking about. If a guy pulls up and keeps pace with or blocks a girl trying to walk down the street, that's skeevy. That is what I would call innappropriately aggressive behavior. A woman might be afraid of being trapped, or dragged into a car, or followed to where she's going by a guy doing this.

Women are a lot warier than men are. We are a bit easier to put on the defensive, because we by our very nature have to be more careful than a man. We have more predators than males. Sad, but that's the way it is.

[PizzaDrone]

Are you usually in populated areas when this happens? I ask this because I wonder if these guys know that people can report others for kerb-crawling? This is no reflection on you as you've already stated that your dress sense is nothing provocative. At best I think you can just take it as a compliment or ignore it. If at all possible walk away from the car. People like that I believe are after a reaction, be it an insult or whatever. Walking away is not what they want people to do....there's no fear or anger there, just indifference. As soon as they say something, turn and walk away, preferably to somewhere there are more people around. They don't have the intimidation factor then.

No one should have to suffer people like you have for just going about their business. I hope you can avoid them as much as possible. :)

[blas]

About the clothes or anything the OP might be doing to "encourage" it.....

Um..just to bebunk that.....when I had to go a month without my car, and I would walk to the tanning salon (mind you, in broad daylight between 8-9 am almost every day), I would be wearing whatever I wore to work the previous night, mostly jeans and tshirts and sweaters (since it was a very cold spring around here). And I still got honked at....

And one guy practically came to a stop to check me out. Then went down the street, whipped it around, and parked facing me about a block down, and sat in his vehicle, I'm assuming to wait for me. He wouldn't get out....I can't see why he was just sitting there.

I took my chance and ducked into a clearing in some bushes by my apartment and ran upstairs and locked the door. I went out to see if he was still there 30 mins later, and thankfully he wasn't. Thankfully, he didn't see where I live.

Again, mind you, this was in broad daylight in the MORNING....and I was not dressed in any way to be attracting attention.

[DataJager]

Time to add my attempt at sanity and understanding.

It's a 'shotgun approach'. Unfortunately, men are taught from an early age that getting laid is a matter of pure luck. Sure you can say all the right stuff and look nice and work out, but to most guys it still comes down to 'luck'. While this isn't true, it would take about 3 pages to explain why and what to do about it. Anyway, basically they figure maybe if they honk/ask/catcall that you'll Say-hi/show-interest/Do-the-Macarena , and since to the untrained, number of times you get lucky is a percentage (usually 0.5%) of the number of attempts you make, they make every attempt they can.

Personally, I wouldn't be around a girl who would be okay with being picked up just like that, that would worry me a lot.