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View Full Version : What not to say to your health care professional..


0oAmericanGirl
10-22-2006, 12:59 AM
Sometimes patients get themselves in trouble over the things they say. Here is a list of things that have been said while I was in the room.

Dr.: Are you sexually active?
Idiot Patient: No you ****** I'm a lesbian.
Dr. Ok then.. *walks out of room*
Idiot Patient: I'll **** anyone for money
Pt gets uncomfortable examination for the last comment.

Dr.: I have written you a perscription for [some generic drug]
Idiot Patient #2: I only take name brand drugs not the cheap brands
Dr. :Ok, I was only trying to save you money.
Idiot Patiend #2: It's ok I'm on medicaid, I don't have to pay for it.
Dr. :*angry* Well if your drugs are comming out of my pay check, then you'll get the cheapest brand I can find.

Spiffy McMoron
10-22-2006, 01:12 AM
:eek:

Man, can you imagine all of the fun that Dr. House would have with them? That could be an episode in and of itself! :lol:

BrassCowboy
10-22-2006, 01:22 AM
Dr.: Are you sexually active?
Idiot Patient: No you ****** I'm a lesbian.


What?!?!?! Are lesbians unable to be sexually active or something?

Irving Patrick Freleigh
10-22-2006, 01:30 AM
Dr.: Are you sexually active?
Idiot Patient: No you ****** I'm a lesbian.
Dr. Ok then.. *walks out of room*
Idiot Patient: I'll **** anyone for money
Pt gets uncomfortable examination for the last comment.

:spew: The only good place to say that is a bordello.

Must've been pretty groaty if she said she'd **** anyone for money, but yet was not sexually active.

skeptic53
10-22-2006, 01:42 AM
All true and verbatim as best as can be recalled:

Dr. (on phone): We are not refilling your prescription because we have not seen you for over a year, you need to make an appointment.
IP: Why?

IP: Yeah, I, uh missed last week of work cuz I was, uh, sick. I need a note for my boss.
Dr: You, uh, need to uh, like, have been seen in clinic to get a note.

IP: Yeah, I stayed home for 3 days cuz I had the sniffles and my HR person says you need to fill out this 4-page FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) form or I'll get my pay docked.
Dr: FMLA is intended for serious illness, not for common cold...

IP: <pulls out DOT Commercial Driver's License form at the end of a routine physical> Doc, can ya sign this for me?
Dr: Not without doing the color vision test, hearing test, non-standard urine test that the form requires and for which we no longer have time...

IP: So what if you last saw my kid in 2 years ago for a sore throat and he's signed up to play football/hockey/rugby/other injury-prone sport?? Why can't you sign his form?? You docs are all greedy, you just want those copays!!
Dr. Yeah, $20 will buy a real nice pizza these days...

IP: (on phone): Yeah, I'm too busy to come in, I'm sure I have strep throat again, can you call in the same antibiotic for me?
Dr: Last time I did that, the patient had thrush, not strep, and got much worse. Our clinic is open 7:30 AM-8:15 PM Mon-Thurs, 9:00 AM-8:00 PM Friday, 9:00 AM-4:00 PM weekends and all holidays except Xmas and Thanksgiving.
IP: Yeah but I don't want to miss (the game, Survivor, Dancing With the Stars, The Simpsons, Cops, etc etc)

IP: I want an MRI
Dr: You have a sprained little toe, you don't need an MRI.
IP: I'll sue!!

IP: How come I had to wait 15 minutes??!! And the guy who had the appointment after me was taken before me??!! This is terrible service!!!
Dr: You called at 9:30 and got an appointment for 11:40. The 11:50 patient was taken first because he was blue in the face and so short of breath he couldn't talk. You hear the ambulance leaving? That was him. I personally brought you to the room at 11:55 to shorten your wait since my assistant is busy putting away the crash cart. Now what clinic are you used to going to that does better than this, because I want to go there as a patient myself!!

Dr: You've never been seen in our clinic before, you live 70 miles away, you didn't bring ID, your exam does not fit with the history you gave, so no narcotics.
IP: Man, you don't care about people in pain!! I'm gonna have to go buy drugs on the street because of you!! If I get arrested I'll sue you!!

<Cell phone rings while patient has sigmoidoscope inserted 2 feet up his ass.>
Dr: I double-dog dare you to answer that.
IP: <Answers phone> Heeeeyy WHASSSSUPP???

and many, many, many more different SC discussions....

ladyklack
10-22-2006, 02:11 AM
<Cell phone rings while patient has sigmoidoscope inserted 2 feet up his ass.>
Dr: I double-dog dare you to answer that.
IP: <Answers phone> Heeeeyy WHASSSSUPP???


:spew: :roll: OMG I'm going to remember this one for a long time!!

Becks
10-22-2006, 02:11 AM
Man, can you imagine all of the fun that Dr. House would have with them? That could be an episode in and of itself! :lol:


Dr. Greg House is my hero. :swoon:

Pezzle
10-22-2006, 02:15 AM
:spew: :roll: OMG I'm going to remember this one for a long time!!


Same here. I think I'll have my friend call me next time I am at the colorectal surgeon.

CrazedClerk
10-22-2006, 03:52 AM
All true and verbatim as best as can be recalled:

IP: I want an MRI
Dr: You have a sprained little toe, you don't need an MRI.
IP: I'll sue!!



I don't know why but I found this one really really funny, I can imagine something like this in an SNL sketch.

danegrous_21
10-22-2006, 04:32 AM
house would put all these people in there place. :D

JuniorMintz
10-22-2006, 08:14 AM
IP: How come I had to wait 15 minutes??!! And the guy who had the appointment after me was taken before me??!! This is terrible service!!!


On a semi related note, I love the people who show up grossly early to for their exams, and then bitch about the wait.

"I've been waiting for 45 minutes! This is ridiculous!"

"Actually, you showed up 40 minutes early so only 5 minutes of that is actually *our* fault..."

Irving Patrick Freleigh
10-22-2006, 12:14 PM
<Cell phone rings while patient has sigmoidoscope inserted 2 feet up his ass.>
Dr: I double-dog dare you to answer that.
IP: <Answers phone> Heeeeyy WHASSSSUPP???


Hey! I got a camera up my ass! How you doin'?

workerbee222
10-22-2006, 03:15 PM
Workerbee hangs head in shame.

Momentarily not thinking, I once did say to my doctor, "Oh, no, I don't have shingles. Only OLD people have shingles." My own diagnostic skills are not good.

Severen13
10-22-2006, 04:04 PM
Workerbee hangs head in shame.

Momentarily not thinking, I once did say to my doctor, "Oh, no, I don't have shingles. Only OLD people have shingles." My own diagnostic skills are not good.


I had shingles at the age of 29. It wasn't pretty. :eek:



Read my Dr. House fanfics! (link below)

thegiraffe
10-22-2006, 04:53 PM
I had shingles at the age of 29. It wasn't pretty. :eek:


My best friend had them at 15. She still says that hands down, it was the most painful thing ever...and she had a botched impacted wisdom tooth removal X 4.

Severen13
10-22-2006, 05:00 PM
My best friend had them at 15. She still says that hands down, it was the most painful thing ever...and she had a botched impacted wisdom tooth removal X 4.


Oh yeah...it was. I couldn't stand up straight for three days because of the pain and my stomach and back were covered with huge, blistery, oozing rash. Then when it started to heal it came back for one last big hoorah--I woke up in the middle of the night with the worst back pain I have ever had in my entire life. Don't even get me started on the rash itching like hell when it was healing......:(

Rahmota
10-22-2006, 05:31 PM
<Cell phone rings while patient has sigmoidoscope inserted 2 feet up his ass.>
Dr: I double-dog dare you to answer that.
IP: <Answers phone> Heeeeyy WHASSSSUPP???

I'm sorry but haivng anythign up the exhaust pipe would not make me in the mood to communicate anythign to anyone that could be said in polite company.

Shingles. Lovely. They almost make you want to take an acid bath just for the relief.

Pinkie
10-22-2006, 06:14 PM
I was in the doctors office getting my yearly "lube job" (pelvic exam) and had put my phone on vibrate so as not to interfer with my appointment. The damn phone goes off in the middle of the exam, and the nurse asked me if I wanted her to hand me the phone..... I replied, "Hell no!" and was thinking WTF???

JustaCashier
10-22-2006, 07:53 PM
IP: <Answers phone> Heeeeyy WHASSSSUPP???

Caller: Hey man, I need ya to come downtown right away and bail me outta jail!

IP: Sorry, dude. Can't do it.

C: Whaddya mean you can't do it?!? I've bailed you out before! What the hell has gotten up your ass?!? :pissed:

IP: Uhhhhhhh........:blink:


Mike

Lace Neil Singer
10-22-2006, 08:06 PM
IP: How come I had to wait 15 minutes??!! And the guy who had the appointment after me was taken before me??!! This is terrible service!!!
Dr: You called at 9:30 and got an appointment for 11:40. The 11:50 patient was taken first because he was blue in the face and so short of breath he couldn't talk.

Happened to me in Casualty once... I was stretchered in after suffering a nasty accident; was knocked off my moped. I had a bashed head, broken ribs and broken hand, so I was naturally seen first cuz they wanted to X-ray my head. As I was pushed out of the waiting room, I heard this woman saying in a snippy tone, "Why's she being seen first? I've been here for ages?" Jeez, work it out, dumbass! :rolleyes: :lol:

Tria
10-22-2006, 08:16 PM
house would put all these people in there place. :D

Just wish he'd put the cable company in its place.... He's been preemted for a bunch of idiots to get paid millions to play a kids' game! I miss my weekly dose of Dr. Needs to Take Bedside Manner 101 Again! *Cries*

erik316wttn
10-22-2006, 10:42 PM
Hey now. No ripping on the World Series. ;)

Seanette
10-23-2006, 12:33 AM
Workerbee hangs head in shame.

Momentarily not thinking, I once did say to my doctor, "Oh, no, I don't have shingles. Only OLD people have shingles." My own diagnostic skills are not good.
I had shingles at 12. Missed about a week of school.

iridios
10-23-2006, 05:57 AM
The 5 year old daughter of a friend of my wifes had shingles. She never had chickenpox though. No she had to have the chickenpox "vaccine" to enter school, and that was the source of her shingles.

And from what I understand, shingles never really go away. It can reoccur at any time and at any age. And why? So she could avoid ever getting chickenpox.

Some vaccine. :mad:

AFpheonix
10-23-2006, 06:44 AM
Dr.: I have written you a perscription for [some generic drug]
Idiot Patient #2: I only take name brand drugs not the cheap brands
Dr. :Ok, I was only trying to save you money.
Idiot Patiend #2: It's ok I'm on medicaid, I don't have to pay for it.
Dr. :*angry* Well if your drugs are comming out of my pay check, then you'll get the cheapest brand I can find.

That's interesting, at least in our state, Medicaid will not cover brand meds, so they're stuck with generic unless they want to pay out of pocket for it. In any case the generics are just fine. The only ones I've seen have consistent issues is fentanyl patch (generic for duragesic, long acting pain for people with opioid resistance) not sticking that well, and hypercare (aluminum chloride for reducing sweating) solution that doesn't have a decent applicator. Other than that, they're all good.

As for the chickenpox vaccine, the virus that causes shingles is the same one that causes chickenpox. It resides in your peripheral nervous system for the rest of your life, and only starts proliferating if your immune system is depressed for whatever reason (like getting old, being on a steroid, or have an autoimmune issue, etc), causing shingles. Methinks that little girl had something else going on if she reacted that way to the vaccine.
The studies thus far have shown that the vaccine has reduced the amount of time off kids have to take off for an infection, and also has reduced the number of deaths that occur every year from a bad reaction from the infection. (yep, some kids have died from chickenpox).
Like all vaccines, overall they do a great good for society, but there's always a few that have an adverse affect, and it's unfortunate, but that's the law of numbers and complex biology. Don't let your friend's experience sour you on making sure any of your kids don't get their full battery of vaccines.

Ok, I'll get off my soapbox now...

TonyDonuts
10-23-2006, 06:47 AM
Happened to me in Casualty once...

Almost the same here..

The EMTs were wheeling me into the ER along with two other patients. I had suffered a herniated disk, and while the whole walking upright thing was out of the question, it wasn't gonna kill me.

Several members (junior members) of the ER staff tried apologizing about the other two patients being taken in first, I waved them off because...

Numero Uno--I had been awake for 24 hours and had been shot full of Demerol, Valium and a quarter-grain of morphine. I was in a lot of pain, but it was all OK because my head was in a VERY nice place. I didn't mind the wait.

and Numero Two-o The other patients were an elderly gent who had suffered a massive stroke and a three-year old girl who had taken a tumble off Gramma's porch and landed on her face, flattening her nose and cracking her skull. I figured if the ER doc thought he needed to look after them first, well then, they needed looking after first, hmmm?

morgana
10-25-2006, 08:30 PM
Yeah, shingles recurs. And boy, does it suck. :rant:

And not just when you're immune suppressed. Stress can also trigger a recurrence. Case in point: my episodes have dropped from about three times a year to once in the last two years. Even though the last two years have seen two surgeries and the addition of a part-time volunteer job.


The difference? My divorce. :lol:


Morgana

MadMike
10-26-2006, 02:09 PM
The difference? My divorce. :lol:


If I got divorced, I wonder if my migraines would be less frequent. I started getting them shortly after we started dating. Hmm...

protege
10-26-2006, 02:17 PM
If I got divorced, I wonder if my migraines would be less frequent. I started getting them shortly after we started dating. Hmm...

I started getting mine after I started working :eek:

CrazedClerk
10-26-2006, 04:29 PM
If I got divorced, I wonder if my migraines would be less frequent. I started getting them shortly after we started dating. Hmm...

I think most of mine come from reading the posts on this site ;)

wagegoth
10-26-2006, 06:40 PM
I think most of mine come from reading the posts on this site ;)

I dreamed the other night that I was working at Wal-mart because of reading this site.

blaubent
10-26-2006, 11:47 PM
I started getting mine after I started working :eek:

Mine: during my first holiday in retail. I never used to have bad migranes. Now, I have really bad frequent migranes during the holidays.

Misanthropical
10-27-2006, 12:40 AM
I went into the ER with so much pain I was screaming into my husband's shoulder and if I wasn't screaming I was throwing up. This is while I was very pregnant with my second son.

I was taken back and given Demarol (sp?) and something so I would stop throwing up. When the medication took affect, they wheeled me into the hallway to wait for a bed to open up, so they could observe me over night, since no one had any idea what caused this to happen to me. I was waiting in the hallway doing a whole lot better, since I was no longer in pain and no longer throwing up every few minutes.

Some guy in another room tried to make out that I was faking the whole thing, since I looked "so much better". Yeah, buddy! I scared the crap out of my three year old son, who couldn't understand what was wrong with his mommy and why she was screaming, had my husband race home scared to death that something was horribly wrong with me or the baby or both of us, waited in the waiting room, either screaming or throwing up, just so I could go ahead of YOU! Moron.

Seanette
10-27-2006, 01:02 AM
Yeah, shingles recurs. And boy, does it suck. :rant:

And not just when you're immune suppressed. Stress can also trigger a recurrence.
Funny, I've been a lot more stressed at various points in the last 25 years than I was in the one and only time period in which I've had shingles (yes, the diagnosis was by a competent MD ;) ).

Since summer, I've acquired an odd stress/allergy thing: random lip swelling, ranging from a lump to having both lips double or more their normal size. Antihistamines and hydrocortisone clear it up nicely, but it's still a nuisance, especially since I've even had episodes at times when I wasn't aware of a higher-than-usual stress level.

Pagan
10-27-2006, 01:10 AM
If I got divorced, I wonder if my migraines would be less frequent. I started getting them shortly after we started dating. Hmm...

Joy of joys, mine are hormonally induced (4th generation on my mom's side)! Guess how often I get them! Yep, once a month. Well, I don't anymore due to the miracle of Seasonale. :p

Funny thing is, I had shingles and I must have a much higher tolerance for pain than I thought. They never really hurt and just itched a little. I did find out that teatree oil helps with the irritation.

The CNP I had my last poke'n'prod exam with, I don't want again. She has decided that I was somehow sexually abused because I find the position undignified! Sorry, but how is having your feet up in the air and your butt hanging off the table a dignified position for anyone?