A House moment

[Dreamstalker]

The ex called in a semi-panic last night...he thinks he has a DVT. Apparently he fell asleep with his leg bent (I don't think that alone would cause one unless there's an underlying condition), and it's been aching and slightly swollen for three weeks (um...how do you not think before now that there might be a problem, and why the hell are you calling ME about it?).

Me: [standard "I am not a doctor, if you really think something's wrong go to the hospital" spiel] "What makes you think it's a DVT?"
Him: "Can't you tell me what it is?"
Me: "All I can do is tell you what WebMD says. If you want me to charge for a consult I can certainly do that :devil: "
Him: {relay above] "..and it feels like there's something moving in my leg, it's in my thigh near my groin now."
Me: (I didn't think it was possible to feel clots moving) "This is over the past 20 days? OK...that's your femoral artery, it sounds to me like you should get it checked."
Him: "So if you were me what would you do?"
Me: "If this were happening to me I'd go to the doctor but I'm taking medication that warns of these things. I legally cannot and will not diagnose you over the phone. If you think there's something wrong then go."
Him: "I don't have insurance."
Me: "I'm sure there are free clinics in your neck of the woods. If you show up at an ER they have to see you. Ultimately it's your decision, I say you should get it checked just in case."
Him: "But you just told me what it was!"
Me: "No, I gave you advice from a website."
Him: "But I went to Wikipedia."
Me: "Wikipedia is almost useless for actual medical advice. I use WebMD which gives general outlines of symptoms and says if you think something's really wrong, get to a doctor."

(delete fifteen minutes about how he hates doctors)

Him: "Well, someone told me that all the doctors would do is give me blood thinners. Alcohol's a blood thinner, so I figured if I drank a ton of beer then that would fix it."

:doh:
All together now..."You're a moron."

[Jester]

Him: "Well, someone told me that all the doctors would do is give me blood thinners. Alcohol's a blood thinner, so I figured if I drank a ton of beer then that would fix it."

Am I alone in thinking that the best things the doctors could do for this mental colossus would be to put him out of our misery?

[RetailWorkhorse]

:eek:

Am I alone in thinking that the best things the doctors could do for this mental colossus would be to put him out of our misery?

No. No you are not. Where's my machete?

[Dreamstalker]

Am I alone in thinking that the best things the doctors could do for this mental colossus would be to put him out of our misery?
No. At times I'm honestly surprised that he's managed to cheat Darwin for so long. This, Frankenlight, taking apart a 350W PSU while it was still charged (and telling me to do the same...dude, I have a replacement!), etc.

The scary thing is, I could see his logic...horrendously warped as it may be. Hey, maybe one day I'll see him on that "1000 Ways To Die" show.

*wonders if the House writers ever need ideas for clinic segments*

[Dips]

Good lord. I was a pre-major in college. But long story short, I'm NOT a doctor.

Anyhoo everyone would ask me for medical advice. I dispensed it like this:

"Why ask me? Go to the infirmary."

"I'm not a doctor. If you are concerned, you should see one."

"That sounds serious. Call an ambulance."

Did it stop them from asking? No.

Did it keep my ass covered? Hell yeah.

Come to think of it, my mother-in-law still asks me. :rolleyes:

BTW, she gets credit for my job title. Before I married Mr. Dips I was applying to medical schools. She seemed pleased by my (then) choice of career and the following conversation happened:

MIL: Oh, a doctor? Are you thinking of specializing?

Me: Yes.

MIL: What in?

Me: [deadpan] Cosmetic brain surgery.

MIL: [whoosh] Oh, thank goodness. I was afraid you'd be one of those doctors who doesn't care about making money.

:lol: Thank goodness my MIL has always had a wonderful sense of humor and can laugh at herself. That could have been awkward. :o

[Dreamstalker]

Cosmetic brain surgery...hehehe.

A straw poll of my muses reveals that he is in fact a moron.

Last night he was all "I'm worried it's something serious and that I might die [unlikely IMO],but I don't have insurance so I don't want to get in debt." ...so which of those two is a more pressing concern? If you die you won't be in debt, but I would think for a normal person not dying (if that's a concern) is more preferable. If I were in that situation, I'd rather pay a stupid tax for having it checked out only to find it's actually nothing than keep worrying about it.