In Which I'm a Douche [Archive]

Hobbs

06-05-2009, 06:15 PM

Yeah...I kinda feel bad for this one

This past weekend as I drove with my brother, we were stopped at a light. The intersection was the exit to our local mall, and people leaving said mall had the green, so we were waiting and just chatting it up.

Lo and behold, one of those new matchbox-type mini cars (the Japanese kind that only have two seats) drove past. As a joke, I pointed and laughed. Sadly, that was exactly as the passenger turned her head to look in our direction. She looked away quickly in what I can only guess is embarrassment.

So, sorry lady...but on the bright side, at least you probably don't own that car.

blas

06-05-2009, 08:26 PM

I don't feel bad when I laugh at ugly vehicles.

People have been laughing at what I've been driving since I was old enough to drive. Kids in school picked on me for driving a Tempo that was as old as I was, then they laughed at how squeaky the other Tempo was, and nowadays, everyone laughs at how loudly my Neon idles like a rice burner.

Laugh it up. It runs, it's a piece, I don't care. At least I'm gorgeous.

I mostly laugh at small men in big trucks, large men in tiny cars, and women in really big SUVS, usually when they can't maneuver them to park or get them to slow down in time.

Hobbs

06-05-2009, 08:46 PM

Irving Patrick Freleigh

06-06-2009, 12:04 AM

A Smart car perhaps?

The only way I'd drive one of those is if it were for city driving anyway. There's no way in hell I'd want to take one on the freeway.

Hobbs

06-06-2009, 01:40 AM

A Smart car perhaps?

The only way I'd drive one of those is if it were for city driving anyway. There's no way in hell I'd want to take one on the freeway.
Yes, it's one of those.

You'd have to kill me and stuff my corpse in one of those in order to get me to ride in it.

powerboy

06-06-2009, 03:20 AM

See all I want is a Honda CRV. A small nice SUV that gets goods gas miliage

WhiteRose

06-10-2009, 11:28 PM

I wouldn't mind if it were free...I myself like cars that look like CARS, not tricked-out golf-carts...

protege

06-11-2009, 03:18 PM

blas

06-11-2009, 03:20 PM

I personally prefer my "dumb" car.

I don't think a car needs to be the size of a loveseat to be fuel efficient.

I prefer the smaller sedans with smaller engines and four cylinders......just big enough for me and what I need to tote around, and still get good mileage without looking like my car is devouring me!

WhiteRose

06-11-2009, 05:05 PM

OM NOM NOM says the car...

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3135/2776263546_c6c3d66d9c.jpg?v=0

slavetotheman

06-11-2009, 07:32 PM

A Smart car perhaps?

The only way I'd drive one of those is if it were for city driving anyway. There's no way in hell I'd want to take one on the freeway.

I have seen them on the interstates around here. Kinda scary to watch.

Irving Patrick Freleigh

06-11-2009, 07:40 PM

I sat in one of those Smart cars...about a year before they went on sale in the US. A few were on the Mercedes stand at the car show. Even at 5'9" or so, I thought it was a tad cramped. You don't "sit" inside the car. Rather, you *wear* it. Also, the mileage isn't as great as it was claimed. 33/40 isn't jack--I've been getting around 40-45 in my Corolla, and it's a bigger, more powerful car, and isn't that much more over the cost of a Smart. But, you don't see many Smart cars here...they can't handle the hills!

33/40 mpg is all you get from a Smart Car? :eek: With as little as those things are they should be getting a lot more. A Geo Metro would get better mileage than that, I think.

I'm really starting to think of the Smart Car as a "statement" vehicle--one you drive just because you want everybody else to understand you "care" about the Earth. :rolleyes:

WhiteRose

06-12-2009, 05:01 AM

I saw one that supposedly got 50 mpg...

mopeds get about 100 mpg....so if people REALLY cared about the earth they'd rig a horsecart with a couple of those motors....:D

or better yet: a HORSE! I love horses...they're a more reliable form of transport than a car (won't 'break down'), they can go over more questionable terrain (they can even swim if the need arises), they're intelligent enough to AVOID obstacles, they provide a form of companionship, and if they're well trained they're hella hard to steal...horses can bite and buck and run like hell.....

PhotoChick

06-12-2009, 12:46 PM

Yeah, except horses require taking care of. Trust me, I'd love a horse. But I have enough of a zoo with the girls and the dog. And when I go back to Colorado I don't think it will fit in my condo.

Irving Patrick Freleigh

06-12-2009, 03:44 PM

I have seen them on the interstates around here. Kinda scary to watch.

I blew past one on the interstate going 70. Just 5 mph over the speed limit.

And the damn thing was in the left lane. :rant:

Arm

06-14-2009, 12:26 AM

I've seen two of the so-called smart cars around here. I figure Darwin will take care of them soon enough.

Looking at them, though, how COULD they get good mileage? They're built like a sail. Getting one up to speed is going to mean those microscopic go-kart wheels will need to be shoving it into the wind the whole way.

Heck, if people really want to be all eco-hippy-go-nuts with no cargo space, there are canopies you can put on a bicycle to reduce wind resistance; I think you can take a bike up to something like 40-50mph with one of those; there's no gas used at all, there.

As far as horses, though... they're also dumb as stumps, can't carry much of a load, and break legs on holes that result in nothing more than a loud 'CLONK' for cars ;)

They're really pretty animals (my aunt has a horse ranch, even), but there's a reason nobody uses 'em for transport except the Amish, these days. ...come to that, even the Amish hire truckers to haul furniture, don't they?

protege

06-14-2009, 05:24 PM

As far as horses, though... they're also dumb as stumps, can't carry much of a load, and break legs on holes that result in nothing more than a loud 'CLONK' for cars ;)

Let's not forget the obvious. Horses leave behind an even smellier form of pollution :D Also, unlike a car, they have to be fed every day. In fact, that was one selling point used by early auto companies--that you only had to 'feed' your vehicle when you used it.

Lachrymose

06-14-2009, 05:44 PM

or better yet: a HORSE!

Yeah, but they're only... *calculates* Add six...carry the two..integral of the hypotenuse divided by log 4... ONE horsepower.

BookstoreEscapee

06-21-2009, 05:45 AM

I've seen Smart Cars around here a few times...each time driven by a guy....

I'd be afraid to drive one of those things on the roads. I don't drive a huge car at all (Hyundai Elantra) but if you got in an accident in one of those? You'd be toast.

blas

06-22-2009, 02:45 AM

I saw one the other day that only had one wheel in the front....

Is that a different smart car?

Good lord, my bathroom is bigger than those cars. And my bathroom is like 2x2.

Hobbs

06-22-2009, 03:44 AM

Blas, isn't that the Urkel car?

Everytime someone rants at me 'bout bio-friendly cars or whatnot, I always have this necessity to recite Denis Leary's rant from the A-hole Song...is that bad? >(^_^);

Broomjockey

06-23-2009, 02:02 AM

Looking at them, though, how COULD they get good mileage? They're built like a sail. Getting one up to speed is going to mean those microscopic go-kart wheels will need to be shoving it into the wind the whole way.

Heck, if people really want to be all eco-hippy-go-nuts with no cargo space, there are canopies you can put on a bicycle to reduce wind resistance

Because some of us have medical conditions which would make a bicycle problematic at best. As for Smart Cars, I pass one in the parking lot on my way to the LRT every day. And really, the tires aren't that small, especially compared in a ratio fashion to how large a smart car is to a regular car.

Unfortunately, if I ever get a car, my first concern shall be head room, not fuel efficiency.

Pagan

06-23-2009, 04:26 AM

I'm afraid to admit that I like Smart cars and would like one. That or a Mini Cooper. :ashamed:

I sat in one of those Smart cars...about a year before they went on sale in the US. A few were on the Mercedes stand at the car show. Even at 5'9" or so, I thought it was a tad cramped. You don't "sit" inside the car. Rather, you *wear* it.

My mom is 5'10" and she's sat in one and had plenty of head room. It's my car that she has problems with head room in.

Now the Ford Fiasco she had (or as I called it, the "Hot Wheels"), that one she *wore*!

I've seen Smart Cars around here a few times...each time driven by a guy....

I'd be afraid to drive one of those things on the roads. I don't drive a huge car at all (Hyundai Elantra) but if you got in an accident in one of those? You'd be toast.

I'm seeing a lot more them here, especially on the west side. I just worry about all the damn big ass trucks that guys around here drive. I have yet to figure out why one of my neighbors has this huge Ford king-cab type monstrosities. He can barely walk, even with a walker, needs a step ladder to get into it, lives in an apartment, and sometimes it will be days in between times he goes out! Why does he need it, why?

I saw one the other day that only had one wheel in the front....

Is that a different smart car?

I can't remember what they're called, but I think that they're electric.

crazylegs

06-23-2009, 11:17 AM

I saw one the other day that only had one wheel in the front....

Could be a Reliant (http://uk.geocities.com/tradcarclub/images/ReliantRobin.JPG) of some description...

edible_hat

06-23-2009, 11:22 AM

Smart cars are designed for fuel efficiency, basically by being so liught they don't need as much fuel as something heavier. However, there are larger and more comfortable cars that have similar fuel efficiency. Puegot 307 diesel for one (my dad drives one).

crazylegs

06-23-2009, 11:32 AM

edible_hat

06-23-2009, 12:11 PM

The Pugeot 307 diesel is around 81-82, so that's pretty close. And much more comfortable to sit in the back seat of.

crazylegs

06-23-2009, 12:16 PM

This is true, although I don't have any problems sitting in the passenger seat of a smart car (I'm 6'8) but I've yet to try driving the damn thing yet.

protege

06-23-2009, 01:48 PM

I'm afraid to admit that I like Smart cars and would like one. That or a Mini Cooper. :ashamed:

I'd go with the Mini Cooper. Of course, compared with the original version...they aren't *mini* by any means :p Still, cool idea.

I just worry about all the damn big ass trucks that guys around here drive. I have yet to figure out why one of my neighbors has this huge Ford king-cab type monstrosities. He can barely walk, even with a walker, needs a step ladder to get into it, lives in an apartment, and sometimes it will be days in between times he goes out! Why does he need it, why?

It sounds like he's compensating for something ;)

But, I do know people who drive minivans or trucks, simply because they're easier to get into. One of my neighbors doesn't walk very well. His minivan seat is at the right height--he just sits down, swings his legs around, and closes the door. Not like a sports car, or even a sedan--with those, he has to prop himself up against the door to get out.

Andara Bledin

06-23-2009, 11:05 PM

I'd go with the Mini Cooper. Of course, compared with the original version...they aren't *mini* by any means :p Still, cool idea.
Heh, I'd go with the Cooper, myself. Nekojin's been drooling after one for a while, now. And they look surprisingly roomy inside.

^-.-^

blas

06-24-2009, 02:22 AM

Well, another good thing to owning a relatively small car (granted, my Neon is a "sedan" because it has 4 doors and a trunk) is so I won't ever have to give a lot of people rides. Ha ha....

It's hard to fit a lot of people comfortably in a car like that. Plus, my one friend pointed out "You better not keep that car if you have a kid....you can't fit carseats in there very easily." Good birth control, I'd say!

alogram

06-24-2009, 02:28 AM

Am I the only one who expects to see 12 clowns get out of a Mini Cooper?

Hate them and "Smart" cars.

I would suspect that if you got in an accident with almost anything in a Smart Car you would be done for...

Irving Patrick Freleigh

06-24-2009, 09:57 PM

Far be it from me to say no to a Mini Cooper. They're cute looking cars. But also well above my pay grade.

crazylegs

06-25-2009, 09:32 AM

I would suspect that if you got in an accident with almost anything in a Smart Car you would be done for...

They're not too shabby, its Euro NCAP (http://www.euroncap.com/tests/smart_fortwo_2007/303.aspx) score is four stars (out of five), which isn't too bad at all.

edible_hat

06-25-2009, 09:38 AM

They're not too shabby, its Euro NCAP (http://www.euroncap.com/tests/smart_fortwo_2007/303.aspx) score is four stars (out of five), which isn't too bad at all.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ju6t-yyoU8s

protege

06-25-2009, 03:04 PM

They're not too shabby, its Euro NCAP (http://www.euroncap.com/tests/smart_fortwo_2007/303.aspx) score is four stars (out of five), which isn't too bad at all.

Still, I have a feeling that if you get rear-ended...you're going to get fucked up. There's simply not much in the way of metal back there. Oh, and then there's this little tidbit (http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2345256,00.asp). During a crash test...the fortwo actually got tossed :eek:

Pagan

06-25-2009, 07:34 PM

But, I do know people who drive minivans or trucks, simply because they're easier to get into. One of my neighbors doesn't walk very well. His minivan seat is at the right height--he just sits down, swings his legs around, and closes the door. Not like a sports car, or even a sedan--with those, he has to prop himself up against the door to get out.

Yeah, but this guy literally uses a step ladder. Hold on, let me go look at it....

Ok, it's some Ford model. I can't see the model, but it does have "Fx4 Off Road" on the side. The seats look like the would hit me about the bottom of my ribcage, which is about 41". This guy's about the same height as me. I watched him take about 5 minutes to get out of it yesterday.

I just don't get why he has it. It's days between when he goes anywhere, so it's not like he needs it for work....

Heh, I'd go with the Cooper, myself. Nekojin's been drooling after one for a while, now. And they look surprisingly roomy inside.

^-.-^

I'd love one, but I don't want to get into a new car right now. I'm planning on moving overseas in a couple of years and don't plan to have a car.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ju6t-yyoU8s

You know, those look smaller than the ones I've seen here. Plus, around here, there aren't a whole lot of 70mph head-on crashes....unless you happen to run into one of our famous drunks, driving the wrong way on the interstate. :rolleyes:
Actually, come to think of it, the interstates are safer than our surface streets.

Andara Bledin

07-03-2009, 03:54 AM

I've been noticing rather a few smart cars around here. I honestly wouldn't be too terribly worried about the safety, except for the notable lightness of the thing. It gets tossed around a lot, and there's not much there to absorb the shock of impact.
Plus, around here, there aren't a whole lot of 70mph head-on crashes....unless you happen to run into one of our famous drunks, driving the wrong way on the interstate. :rolleyes:
Actually, come to think of it, the interstates are safer than our surface streets.
They're safer because they're all single-direction, and have controlled access.

^-.-^

Bandit

07-03-2009, 04:35 AM

The first Smart Car I saw was on the Trans-Canada highway running in the middle of some trucks.

If there had been a problem, that car would have looked like >.<

Gawd help them if they ever hit a moose (http://cms.firehouse.com/web/online/News/One-Dead--Seven-Injured-After-Greyhound-Bus-Hits-Moose-In-Canada/46$32279) or a deer. Even buses don't survive a moose.

B

Primer

07-03-2009, 04:53 PM

Still, I have a feeling that if you get rear-ended...you're going to get fucked up. There's simply not much in the way of metal back there. Oh, and then there's this little tidbit (http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2345256,00.asp). During a crash test...the fortwo actually got tossed :eek:
Having survived being rear-ended by an 18-wheeler, there is no way I will ever own anything smaller than full-sized again. The Dodge Durango SUV I was in, and the Ford F-150 pick-up in front of me were both totaled. I survived by the grace of the deities, and Dodge engineering. Thanks, but I'll let other folks buy/drive the small (fuel-efficient) vehicles.

Andara Bledin

07-04-2009, 02:27 AM

Fore freeway travel, I wouldn't go in anything less than a compact. Even a sub-compact is smaller than I feel comfortable in. For tirps to the store or to work and back, however, I think I'd be ok with a smart car.

^-.-^

wolfie

07-04-2009, 06:51 AM

My own experience with one of those Daimler Urban Mobile Box "Fortwo" cars was when I had just left the company yard and was waiting to turn right onto the major street (hint - it takes a big gap for there to be room for me to pull into, especially with 20 tons of paper in the trailer). One of those street-legal toys came up on my left (minor street that the company yard opens into has 3 lanes - left, straight, and right - at the intersection with the major street), and proceeded to turn right from the "straight" lane.

Combine the events (micro car, turning right from a lane where he shouldn't, same colour as my truck so a quick glimpse could easily be mistaken for my hood), and he's lucky a gap big enough for me didn't open up while he was pulling that manouver - he could easily have scratched the chrome on my bumper.

Pagan

07-04-2009, 11:58 PM

They're safer because they're all single-direction, and have controlled access.

Except for our aforementioned drunk wrong-way drivers....which does happen more often than it should.

PepperElf

07-10-2009, 03:28 AM

i use to laugh at one friend's beat up surf-van

called it an appliance cos he had to plug it in overnight to get the battery charged back up - and he couldn't drive it at night cos the lights would drain the battery too much too.. and it was rust colored... because it really was rusting. the only reason it passed inspection was cos he slipped the guy a $20.

but... even as i laughed i'd point out that (at the time) i didn't even have an appliance of my own :)

and he got it at a good price. "Want a free van?"
Yeah. the owner was leaving hawaii in a matter of days and couldn't sell it & had the title handy to just give the rustbucket away :)

EricKei

07-10-2009, 10:23 PM

I drive a big tank of a car, but that's more because of my size than anything else (6 foot four and built like a computer geek....and I'm single, ladieeeezzz ^_^ lol).

I have found that the smallest car I can fit into without having to tear out the front seat is a Taurus. I used to have one of those. It was a POS, but it ran. Now I have an old grand marquis. Surprised the hell outta me when I calculated my mileage on a long trip and found that this behemoth gets around 26-27mpg highway. That's more than I could have hoped for. One nice thing about it, tho -- if anything short of a semi hits me, this thing will more than likely have little more than a scuffed up outer frame afterwards.

I don't work here

07-12-2009, 02:27 PM

I drive a PT Cruiser....laugh all you want. I love my car and I made the payments. I like it because its unique out of the factory.... I once had a "lady" (I was mid twenties and she was late 40's) comment about how ugly the PT is. I came around the corner at the precise moment she made the comment and said "That's thegreat thing about our country- -we get to choose. I chose to buy this car and I love it." I smiled at her, got in my car and drove away. And because its black it does tend to look like a hearse...I told one dude that I keep a shovel and a pine box in the back for "special emergencies"
So to the OP you weren't a douche - you expressed your opinion.... too bad the driver happened to turn at the wrong time. I make fun of the cars all the time (please - a 1995 cirrus with a hood scoop bought at Crappy Tire and a "wing" bought at Home Depot??)

protege

07-12-2009, 06:56 PM

I make fun of the cars all the time (please - a 1995 cirrus with a hood scoop bought at Crappy Tire and a "wing" bought at Home Depot??)

Hehe there are several similar-looking vehicles where I work. One is a beat-up Neon that's been spray-painted some sort of peach color. Not only that, but it does have a wing (why?), fake hood scoop, cheap-looking rims, massive fart can, and those stupid clear taillights. It's not fast at all, and is usually seen attempting burn-outs in various parking lots.

Not far from the Neon, is a beat-up Mercury Villager van. This thing is literally held together with duct tape, has the entire passenger side bashed on, and usually requires a jump-start about once a week. At least it doesn't have any mods, but is usually stationary for some reason. Oh, and it has a Club on the steering wheel. Again, why?

And yes, I do make fun of cars like that. There's a huge difference in fixing your car up, and making it look like shit. Sorry, but if your car looks like a rejected "walk-on car" from those Fast & Furious movies, it *deserves* to be made fun of.

Nohbody

07-13-2009, 03:01 AM

And yes, I do make fun of cars like that. There's a huge difference in fixing your car up, and making it look like shit. Sorry, but if your car looks like a rejected "walk-on car" from those Fast & Furious movies, it *deserves* to be made fun of.
More than a few of those turkeys around here, in the NW corner of South Carolina, though they're in close competition with the Mexicans around here who take a different route to "ugly".

I think the one that got the biggest laugh out of me was when I was driving up to Raleigh-Durham to pay for a speeding ticket I'd gotten on an earlier NC trip, and some douchebag in a 1st gen Miata comes up beside my car at the time, a 95 Eagle Talon TSi (FWD, turbo), and revved his engine at me like he wanted a race. The car had a handful of "cool" car part brand stickers on it, but as far as I could tell from the sound it was totally stock.

Obviously the guy was an idiot (cop-heavy and busy stretch of interstate, trying to take a car for which "straight-line speed" is not an attribute against one that's more suited to that task), but he really should've felt embarrassed trying to rev that rubber band at me menacingly...

(That said, I was awfully tempted to step on it and blow him away, but like I said, I was on the road to pay a speeding ticket. I wasn't going to get another one just to tell some sad-sack ricetard STFU in an unmistakable manner.)

protege

07-13-2009, 03:28 AM

I think the one that got the biggest laugh out of me was when I was driving up to Raleigh-Durham to pay for a speeding ticket I'd gotten on an earlier NC trip, and some douchebag in a 1st gen Miata comes up beside my car at the time, a 95 Eagle Talon TSi (FWD, turbo), and revved his engine at me like he wanted a race. The car had a handful of "cool" car part brand stickers on it, but as far as I could tell from the sound it was totally stock.

Reminds me of the Mustang driver I encountered with the Tercel... He thought his 6 cylinders could intimidate me. Little did he know... Anyway, I dropped it into 3rd and stood on it. When I pulled away from him in the twisty part, and threw it into 4th, the look on his face was great. His jaw actually dropped, and hit the steering wheel :D

Apparently, that car had not only been comparing notes with my MG, but also the previous owner had done some work to it. IIRC, it was fitted with bigger valves, different brakes (from a Corolla), and someone had lowered it. Other than that, it was completely stock.

Then there's my now-gone Mazda Protege ES. That thing...literally had "BMW verve for half the price." Great driver's car, but a bitch to work on. Anyway, during the last year I had it, the exhaust fell off. As I'm driving home from work, *every* idiot in a riced-out POS wanted to race me :rolleyes: