Rules for 411

[dougiezerts]

1. I need to have the city your request is in--not the state, county, road, or shopping center name! Why? Because that's how our computer is set up. If you're too stupid to comprehend this, I don't want to deal with you! If you honestly don't know that city, I can check the whole state. But there's no way I can check the entire country for you request--you should at least know the state. (And don't say, "There's no cities in my county." If that were true, how would your mail get to you?)
2. I can't check by category. So don't come on and say "I want the Chinese joint on my street," OK? I can check for something IF IT HAS THAT WORD IN THE NAME. If it doesn't, be prepared to know the correct name!
3. Be prepared to spell difficult names. If it's a foreign name, and you can't spell it, I might not be able to find it--and that's not my fault! It's you job to spell what your saying, not mine!
4. Speak loudly, clearly, and distinctly, and listen closely to what I say to you. I don't like making you repeat something, or you asking me to repeat something.
To be continued.

[Phone Jockey]

YAY! Another phone slave in the group! I agree with everything you said. My customers (Cable TV industry) can't even remember their OWN addresses, let alone names of streets or cities. Maybe we can add part of your list to our initial recording for those 2 customers who actually listen to the phone instructions before they get a rep.

[dougiezerts]

Thanks, Phone Jockey! Here's more:
5. !NO HABLA ESPANO!
6. Don't waste my time. I don't have the time for you to ask someone something in the other room, or go into a long explination of something,.
7. Don't have your child call me: make that call yourself! And while I'm at it, please keep close tabs on your kids; If I get another request for Brittany Spears, I'll throw up!
8. I can't read off lists of choices to you, OK? If it's three or less, I'll name them; four or more, and it's up to you to decide. If you're really not sure what you want, take the first two, or get off that phone until you get more information! (An example: Don't ask me for a McDonalds in a large city without knowing what stree it's on!)

[dougiezerts]

9. You pay for us to look up your listings--not to automatically give you a number. If we can't find your request, we don't give you a refund. If your doctor gave you a test, and it came up negative, think he shouldn't be payed?
10. Some businesses/government agencies only list one main number, often toll free. (Motor vehicles, for example.) Live with it.
11. Sometimes, we get busy. Don't get on me, it's not my fault! (It's partially YOUR fault, if you come down to it.)
12. We check two listings per call--whether they're there, or not. Please don't ask me for a third listing.

[dougiezerts]

13. Don't assume that a listing I offer you is wrong just because the name is slightly different, or it's in a different city, or has a different street address. You could have just gotten that information wrong.
14. Think before you call. Do you REALLY need to call a pizza delivery place when there's a foot of snow on the ground? Your local bank branch on a sunday? The toy store on Christmas day? The liquor store at 2:00AM? (In the latter case, do you know what that makes you?)
15. Don't talk while I'm trying to tell you my listings; listen!

[Mr. Rude]

Can I have Brit spears phone number? *ducks for cover*

[dougiezerts]

Can I have Brit spears phone number? *ducks for cover*
Her number's non published!

[ringo]

Can I have Brit spears phone number? *ducks for cover*

The phone number is 555-1212.. not sure of the area code.. somewhere in ca?

[Ljt09863]

9. You pay for us to look up your listings--not to automatically give you a number. If we can't find your request, we don't give you a refund. If your doctor gave you a test, and it came up negative, think he shouldn't be payed?


actually, i guess Planned Parenthood charges you for poisitive pregnancy tests only. if it comes back negative, its free. if it comes back positive, its not. thats what ive heard.

[chained to my cubicle]

No lie there!!

I work as a sales/service rep for a phone company. When you are giving me your phone number, can you please start with an area code! When I've asked once for it, and you don't give it to me, I will ask you again, "may i have your area code please?" If you respond with your zip code, this will be one long call.

[dougiezerts]

16. If I can't find your request, it's probably because:
*You gave the incorrect name.
*You gave the incorrect area it's in. (I can check in a radius of the city, but it won't always come up in that radius.)
*You spelled it wrong, or can't spell it at all.
*We don't have it. Our listing's aren't perfect. There's no rule that companies have to list themselves with us. They could have phone service with one of our rival companies. Or they could just choose not to list their numbers publicly. I've seen major listings vanish from our database for no apparant reason.

[Barefootgirl]

The liquor store at 2:00AM? (In the latter case, do you know what that makes you?)

a) thirsty
b) too drunk to drive...

[Mixed Bag]

If I get another request for Brittany Spears, I'll throw up!


Hey, easy money: I'll open a historic weapons or asparagus mail order box in NW France, and sue when phone companies won't give out my number! :roll:

[dougiezerts]

17. Telling me these things will NOT produce a number I already told you I didn't have:
"I got it yesterday." (How?)
"I know it's there" (Well, we don't have it!)
"It's on _________ street." (I didn't find it without the street, why will that make a difference?)
"Can you check again?" (No!)
"You're stupid, let me speak to someone else!" (Fine, he/she will also tell you it's not there. And YOU'RE the one who's stupid!)

[dougiezerts]

18. Telling me these things MIGHT produce a number I couldn't find, at first:
"I might have the name wrong. Could you check for anything with (one word) in the name in (the city you gave)?"
"It might be in (different city) than (the city you gave)."
"It's not a residence, it's a doctor/lawyer." (We check different files for that!)
"It's not a business, it's a government agency." (Ditto!)