Holiday tunes for us!

[Jester]

*singing*
With the bitches and asshats and CBF ladies and buttheads galore! It's the most craptacular time...of the year!!!!!!

Thank you, AFpheonix. You inspired me to pen this little ditty:

Customers Suck
(sung to the tune of "Jingle Bell Rock")

Customers, customers, customer suck.
Customers cry and customers lie.
Dreaming and scheming ways to not pay
And lying with every stupid word that they say.

Customers, customers, customers suck.
Customers rob and they’ll “have your job,”
Shouting and pouting, going on a tear…
Question them don’t you dare!

What a bad time, it’s a sad time
To do work in retail.
Holiday time is the right time
To be complaining about a one-day sale.

Giddy-up retail slave, take all their heat
Anything to make a buck.
Bow and kiss ass and scrape at their feet
That’s why customers,
That’s why customers,
That’s why customers suuuuuuck...

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Oh, man, I could hear this being sung with full orchestration in my head. How sick is that?

This is brilliant!

[powerboy]

So could I

Jester, I loved it.

[wildcatgrrl]

Awesome. I love it!!!

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Oh, man, I could hear this being sung with full orchestration in my head. How sick is that?

This is brilliant!

Me too. By Burl Ives.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I wanna try this!

Sucky C's (sung to the tune of "Silver Bells")

Sucky C's, Sucky C's
It's time to make, a tanrum scene
Ding-a-lings
Hear them plead
"Don't ruin please Christmas Day."

In the stores rush, all the kids rush
To the toy section aisle
In the air there's a wailing of brats

People pouting, babies screaming
Meeting scowl after scowl
And in every aisle you will hear..

Sucky C's, Sucky C's
It's time to make, a tanrum scene
Ding-a-lings
Hear them plead
"Don't ruin please Christmas Day."

Strings of registers, and the workers
Turning bright red and green
As the shoppers bum rush them, with carts

Hear your teeth crunch, see the people bunch
Its a Black Friday Scene
And above all the bustle you'll hear...

Sucky C's, Sucky C's
It's time to make, a tanrum scene
Ding-a-lings
Hear them plead
"Don't ruin please Christmas Day."

[powerboy]

Irving, that is a catchie one also.

[Demonoid Phenomenon]

These are all the more funny if you imagine someone like Michael Buble singing.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Don't forget The 12 Days Of Christmas!

(taken from http://www.customerssuck.com/board/showthread.php?t=4667 )

On the first day of Christmas, an SC gave to me...
A tantrum after I asked for proper ID.

On the second day of Christmas, an SC gave to me...
2 dodgy notes
And a tantrum after I asked for proper ID.

On the third day of Christmas, an SC gave to me...
3 asinine questions
2 dodgy notes
And a tantrum after I asked for proper ID.

On the fourth day of Christmas, an SC gave to me...
4 screaming brats
3 asinine questions
2 dodgy notes
And a tantrum after I asked for proper ID.

On the fifth day of Christmas, an SC gave to me...
5 expired coupons
4 screaming brats
3 asinine questions
2 dodgy notes
And a tantrum after I asked for proper ID.

On the sixth day of Christmas, an SC gave to me...
6 price checks
5 expired coupons
4 screaming brats
3 asinine questions
2 dodgy notes
And a tantrum after I asked for proper ID.

On the seventh day of Christmas an SC gave to me...
7 declined credit cards
6 tired excuses
5 expired coupons
4 screaming brats
3 asinine questions
2 dodgy notes
And a tantrum after I asked for proper ID.

On the eighth day of Christmas an SC gave to me...
8 items overlimit
7 declined credit cards
6 tired excuses
5 expired coupons
4 screaming brats
3 asinine questions
2 dodgy notes
And a tantrum after I asked for proper ID.

On the nineth day of Christmas an SC gave to me...
9 stolen CDs
8 items overlimit
7 declined credit cards
6 tired excuses
5 expired coupons
4 screaming brats
3 asinine questions
2 dodgy notes
And a tantrum after I asked for proper ID.

On the tenth day of Christmas an SC gave to me...
10 ladies sobbing
9 stolen CDs
8 items overlimit
7 declined credit cards
6 tired excuses
5 expired coupons
4 screaming brats
3 asinine questions
2 dodgy notes
And a tantrum after I asked for proper ID.

On the eleventh day of Christmas an SC gave to me...
11 threatening lawsuits
10 ladies sobbing
9 stolen CDs
8 items overlimit
7 declined credit cards
6 tired excuses
5 expired coupons
4 screaming brats
3 asinine questions
2 dodgy notes
And a tantrum after I asked for proper ID.

On the twelveth day of Christmas an SC gave to me...
12 dirty returns
11 threatening lawsuits
10 ladies sobbing
9 stolen CDs
8 items overlimit
7 declined credit cards
6 tired excuses
5 expired coupons
4 screaming brats
3 asinine questions
2 dodgy notes
And a tantrum after I asked for proper ID.

[wagegoth]

You are all brilliant!

Now, if only someone on this board could sing (would that be you, RK?), we could record and sell the songs for download and help support the site!

[thegiraffe]

Haha - gather up all the songstresses (and song...sters?) and make a chorus!

Woo-hoo!

[Brighid45]

The Customer Suck Chorus . . . I like it. :) Now all we need is a little rehearsal, some studio time and a good promoter. We can make billions I tells ya, billions!

Great parodies everyone! Gave me the best laugh of the day. Well done!

[ArenaBoy]

Nice Jester, here's my version of It's the Most Craptacular Time, it's short

It's the most craptacular time of the year,
SCs come in droves and put us in fear
A lady wanting every toy for her boy
Us workers foiling some new ploy
An SC wanting something that is out
She yells at us how dare we doubt
It's the most craptacular time of the year
SCs come in droves and put us in fear!!!!

[CrazedClerk]

(to the tune of "silent night")

Closing shift, Closing shift,
angry guy throws a fit.
Why are we sold out of Playstation 3?
no, we don't have a Nintendo Wii.
You're out of luck, it would seem,
bitter and angry and mean.

Yes we're sold out, completely sold out,
no it won't matter, if you scream and pout.
I can not magically make things appear,
now won't you please get the hell out of here?
No we don't have any more,
stuck in the back of our store.

don't cry and sob, you lazy slob,
annoying me while I'm on the job
oh how I wish that I was off you see,
but because you procastinate, it's here I must be.
alll of the good stuff is gone,
you shouldn't have waited so long.

[DesignFox]

:lol: Those are all great.

I also like the original How doth thou suck post...

http://www.customerssuck.com/board/showthread.php?t=4582

[powerboy]

That is a good idea about promoting the CD and DVD of The Customers Suck Chorus. Just imaging the video's of the songs, we came up with.:lol: Now if we can get every single one of us to sing the songs, that would be awesome. On the videos we can go to every place where we work, and record the SC's in action.

[Gravekeeper]

Whenever I get stuck working graveyard on Christmas eve I....well I start writing all my reports in rhyming verse. Like the entire thing, every incident, report, tech issue, etc. So I see your christmas carol and raise you one caller incident written in verse:

(This was an actual call too, I can't make up this kind of stupidity. I wish I was. >< )

Twas the night before Christmas,
and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring,
Except that friggan mouse.

What the hell did it want?
I thought as I answered the phone,
It was two in the morning!
Of course I should have known.

LOTTERY TICKETS! He squeeled,
I guess he just couldn't wait.
Can I get in the early bird?! He asked.
But he was two hours too late.

What do you mean?!
Can't you make an exception?
No I can't. I said.
To a chilly reception.

You can say I called earlier!
Now why would I do that?
Because you're my friend!
Actually, I think you're a prate.

Oh come on! he wailed.
In his aggravating speech.
But despite his ranting,
Time travel was past my reach.

By his 100th plea,
I thought he was done.
But as I went to hang up,
He began one-hundred and one.

It's not midnight yet!
He made one last try
It's two in the morning!
I halplessly cry.

Not here it isn't!
Well where the heck are you?
Peru he informed me.
Oh this was too good to be true.

You have to live in BC,
to purchase a ticket.
You live in Peru,
So I guess you can stick it.

I missed that part, he admitted.
As I danced in my head.
Well I guess I can't buy one.
Nope, go the hell back to bed!

[Becks]

Funny songs. :lol: Too bad I'm not clever enough to think of one of my own, and I can't sing. :(

[friendofjimmyk]

WOW. A Customers Suck CD - to raise money to help with this site - brilliant. I can't sing, but I can throw some videos together. I have visions for such a thing!

[XCashier]

I posted these last year, before the hack.

Jingle Bell Schlock (To the tune of "Jingle Bell Rock")

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell schlock
All the day long, they're playing those songs
Over and over and over again
'Til they drill them into your brain.

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell schlock
The same twenty tunes by boring old loons
Andy Williams and his schmaltzy flair
Through the Muzak air.

Carpenters time, Kenny G time
It sucks my life away
Almost makes me miss the "smooth jazz"
That the boss-man used to play!

Quitting time, thank the Lord, it's time to haul
Racing to the time clock
Clash and Ramones and Pink Floyd's The Wall
Kill the jingle bell,
Kill the jingle bell,
Kill the jingle bell schlock!

Wal-Mart Wonderland (To the tune of "Winter Wonderland")

SCs scream, are you listenin'?
In the lane, spilled drink glistenin'.
A horrible sight, we're in Hell tonight
Working in a Wal-Mart Wonderland.

Gone away, is my reason.
Here to stay, Christmas Season.
It grates on my brain, and drives me insane
Working in a Wal-Mart Wonderland.

In the aisle, we can build an end cap
And we'll make it nice and straight and sound.
And when we have finished with the end cap
The SCs and their kiddies smash it down!

Later on, in the break room
We'll complain and plot their doom,
About the SCs, we'll gripe all we please
Working in a Wal-Mart Wonderland!

[DesignFox]

Those are hysterical Xcashier! :lol: Love it!

I think a customer's suck CD/DVD would be great-best if we could get the live footage of people being toads... and hey, maybe some of us can't sing well as individuals...but that's ok! As a chorus, we'll sound great! :lol:

[Amethyst Hunter]

OMFG YOU GUYS ARE ALL *AWESOME*. XD :roll: :yourock: :super:

[South Texan]

(*To the tune of Silver Bells)

SC’s shopping, Christmas shopping
Crowding aisle after aisle
In the air there’s the stench of the masses

Elbows jabbing, People crabbing
Attitudes all most vile
And on each PA speaker you hear…

Price check pleas, “Checkers please”
Its Christmas time here in retail.
Want to yell. This is hell.
Soon it will be return time

Lines of shoppers, grumpy shoppers
All think they should be first
Hear them claim that the cust’mer's always right

Fitting room mess, lots of work stress
Have to smile at each curse
Scream the words you really want to say

“Go away.” “Stay away!”
“Leave me alone you stupid cow!”
“Can’t you think?” “Ugh, you stink”
“You’ve made me hate Christmas Day!”

[XCashier]

:super: That's really good (and it scans, too!). Sums up the Holiday Season from the retail workers' point of view. :)

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

And now another chestunt from the I.P. Freleigh Golden Trough of Christmas Hits...my rendition of "That's what Christmas Means to Me" by Stevie Wonder and various and sundry other artists...

Oh yeah...
Tempers runnin' short
'Lifter gets his day in court
Checkout lines are slow
Everywhere we go
PA's singing carols
I've heard too many times before

All these things and more, baby
All these things and more
That's what Christmas means to me, oh noes
(Christmas means to me, oh noes)
Dear God
Help me please!

I see your frowning face
Like I never seen before
'Cuz you scream at me so madly
I wish you'd find the door
The items you throw at me
Will drop me to the floor

All these things and more, baby
All these things and more
That's what Christmas means to me, oh noes
(Christmas means to me, oh noes)
Dear God

Please stop your running wild
Screaming like a little child
Your BO smells like moldy toes
Take a bath and wash your clothes
I wish you a crappy Christmas, moron
(wish you a crappy Christmas, moron)
And stay away in the coming year!

Let's stock the shelves with chotchkies
And piss and moan all night
Just one Elmo left to buy
Kids, watch your mommies fight
Trudge through work and get home
Just before daylight


All these things and more, baby
All these things and more
That's what Christmas means to me, oh noes
(Christmas means to me, oh noes)

Oh noes!

[DarthRetard]

Hey now, I'm a trained musician/singer and i can compose/transpose sheet music and songs. I can get some friends together and we can record a cd for yall, and use the funds to support the website and make t-shirts and stuff, somebody PM me for my phone number so we can talk about it. I'm not even kidding.:)

[Rapscallion]

I'm working on T-shirts separately, but as you may expect the company and I are both up to our bums in work due to the season. Should ease off after this week and I can get some progress.

As to the idea of songs etc to support the site, there's no real need. I run it as a hobby, not as a business, so that reduces my stress. If someone comes up with a bucket of songs etc, I'd be more than happy to host it here Do it for fun, not for money, y'know?

Rapscallion

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

So work's been getting me down, people are so rude, my co-workers suck, my job sucks.

Wrote a song 'bout it. Like to hear it? Here it goes!

I'm getting nuttin' for Christmas
All my co-workers are mad
I'm getting nuttin' for Christmas
'Cuz I ain't been nuttin' but bad

I took a half an hour break
Somebody snitched on me
Came back from lunch four hours late
Somebody snitched on me
Told my sup to go suck eggs
Spilled some paint on someone's legs
Burned dog shit in our plastic bags
And somebody snitched on me

I'm getting nuttin' for Christmas
I made the customers mad
I'm getting nuttin' for Christmas
'Cuz I ain't been nuttin' but bad

I shoved some lady down the stairs
Somebody snitched on me
Made an orgy with the teddy bears
Someone's a fucking narc!
Sold single shoes instead of pairs
Cradle of Filth does the PA blare
They yell at me but I don't care
But somebody snitched on me. Ohhhhh...

I'm getting nuttin' for Christmas
I made the managers mad
I'm getting nuttin' for Christmas
'Cuz I ain't been nuttin' but bad

I point out all of corporate's flaws
Somebody snitched on me
They won't promote me just because
Somebody snitched on me
Next year I will see the light
I'll straighten up and I'll fly right
Being a wage slave really bites
But somebody snitched on me

We're getting nuttin' for Christmas
District manager is mad
We're getting nuttin' for Christmas
'Cuz we ain't been nuttin' but bad.

[Rapscallion]

Opened this for the season. If you've got goodies, get adding :)

Rapscallion

[XCashier]

Oh, that's what happened to the first post in this thread (http://www.customerssuck.com/board/showthread.php?t=72353)!

I guess I'll repost mine here, too.

(to the tune of "Hanukkah, Oh Hanukkah")

Customers oh customers
What can you do about them
We can't live with them
We can't live without them
Tearing up our displays
And trashing our store
Switching out our price tags
And always wanting more
The stinkies, the crankies
The pervs and Snobby Queens
They all come en masse
They're a pain in the ass
But for money, they are our means
SCs, hear our pleas
Mind your manners please
'Cause we're not just cogs in machines!

[Lace Neil Singer]

(To the tune of "Jingle Bells")

Dashing thru the store,
An SC on my tail.
"I want to leave now!"
As I run I wail.

Sprouts have all run out,
"You've got them round the back!"
Wishing I could give,
The SC a good smack.

"Oh, bloody hell!"
An SC's yell,
"Come here and let me pay!"
Oh what shit it is to work,
Day before Christmas Day!

Oh, SCs shout,
Toys run out,
Wish I could just leave.
Oh what shit it is to work,
On fucking Christmas Eve!

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

You are now being subjected to Irv's version of "I Yust Go Nuts At Christmas"

Oh, I yust go nuts at Christmas
That crazy holiday
I yust go insane, right in the brain
As the shoppers squander their pay

Oh, I yust go nuts at Christmas
Scraping ice off my car really sucks
There's two feet of snow, the howling wind blows
But corporate doesn't give two fucks

They want Wiis and Playstations
To buy their kids' elation
But the stores yust sold out and so
I hit the bar for some libation

Oh I yust go nuts at Christmas
I yust hope to stay out of the dock
Customers scream, shout and let off steam
How much longer 'till I punch the clock?

On the day before Christmas
The swamp is a zoo
It's been that way straight
Since November 22

I look at my watch; it's 4:35
And I am not feeling so very alive
2000-piece truck to fill and put away
Why do we need all this crap anyway?

Zhus Zhus and TVs, some shoes and a yuicer
To maybe make the locals' pants fit looser
The doors have yust opened, and here comes the herd
To trample and fight and flip me the bird

They ask stupid questions, my poor head throbs
And some bratty kid is churning out sobs
A thief rushes out with some ipods he stole
His stocking will certainly be filled with coal

From his office the manager comes down to say
"Pick up the pace and get carts right away!
Our sales, they suck, the numbers are scary
Big layoffs may be coming this Yanuary"

In toys some woman and a guy named Louie
Are fighting over something that goes ka-blooie
The woman slugs Louie, and makes a mad dash
But the cops have been called and they're here in a flash

They arrest her and she socks a cop in the yunk
At eleven in the morning she's stinking drunk
And over the PA, it's Bing Crosby I hear
Singing "it's the most wonderful time of the year"

And then when the gifts they all bought get spurned
I'll be back in two days to take the returns

Oh, I yust go nuts at Christmas
You may think me so very queer
But me I say, it's quite okay
That it only comes once a year

[raw456]

Brilliant Guys & Gals!!! just Brilliant!!!! :D:D:D

I would gladly offer my voice to the chorus, but not sure how I would record it or get it to you :confused:

I will just sing these quitely to myself as I deal with each SC between now and New Year.

Keep them coming.....

[Lace Neil Singer]

Ironically, I came up with the Jingle Bells one at work, in between customers. XD