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Gravekeeper
11-29-2009, 07:31 PM
Arghhh....why I returned I have no idea, but I did.





My Duties Resume

I have returned. Ahhh…..the nostalgia overwhelms me. The stench of stale cigarette smoke mixed with the faintest whiff of human urine and just a touch of Axe body spray. The broken heater gleefully blowing freezing cold air directly up my ass from below. It has been a while, public transit. I’d almost forgotten the sights, sounds and smells one experiences within your forsaken confines. I had managed to avoid having to use you for near two weeks. But alas this reprieve came to an end.


Right.

Me: “Good evening, <company> Tech Support"
SC: “I want to call to Africa.”

Well then, my tragically misguided friend, I have just two quick points we should go over together if you’d like to pull up a seat. Number one: You have failed utterly and number two: You have failed in such a spectacular fashion that I cannot even mentally backtrack the route you may have taken to reach this point. I must admit I find this rather startling. I have been at this for many, many a year you see. Guiding the dill witted, inept and downright idiotic amongst us along the clearly marked paths of basic competency. I know these trails like the back of my hand, yet I cannot determine which course you plotted amongst them nor what mistakes you made along the way that could have possibly led you here.

I’m not sure whether I should congratulate you or condemn you for this dubious accomplishment.



I Hate When They Do This

As much as I hate to interrupt your spittle driven tirade about a broken lock on a back door or some such silliness. An issue which was already documented and passed along to your building manager an hour ago when you first called. I must level a single counter point to your argument: Berating me for several minutes as if this is personally my fault and then reassuring me that it is not my fault and you understand it is not my fault does not justify the initial verbal beating. Especially not when you immediately resume berating me after reassuring me you understand it is not my fault. All this tells me is that you a small, petty individual whose genitalia are inadequately sized for pleasuring anything beyond a stale handful of Honey Nut Cheerios. A fact which drives you forward with little regard for who you lash out at as long as you get to yell at someone. Regardless of whether or not they actually have anything to do with the situation.

If you truly have so little control over your quivering rage loins might I suggest finding alternative methods of venting that do not involve innocent lives such as my own? Perhaps you could physically or sexually assault adjacent furniture? It is soulless and likely cushioned. Thus better equipped to deal with such an assault without incurring bruising or hurt feelings.

Or better yet perhaps you could channel this seething energy into something constructive? I bet if you directed it properly you could accomplish all sorts of things. You could feverishly knit yourself a nice rage sweater or bitterly plant a herb garden for example. You know, something productive that wouldn’t leave you feeling empty and shallow afterwards. Crying in the bathroom into a half empty bucket of butter pecan Haagen-Dazs with what passes for your dick in your other hand desperately trying not to dwell on the fact that you are a terrible person and no one truly loves you. Not even the cat.

You know, where you’ll likely be 20 minutes after you get off the phone.



My True Nature

You have called 4 times now. Each time when I have answered there has been no reply, only a cacophony of strange sounds that vaguely indicated that someone might be in the background somewhere. Initially, I was perplexed and unsure of exactly what was going on. However, as you were kind enough to call repeatedly to inflict this on me, I think I may have unraveled this mysterious ritual you are performing that is leading you to me.

I’m going to assume, based on the evidence before me, that this is some sort of elaborate luck ritual and you are attempting to invoke good fortune on your behalf as if this will somehow channel through the phone line, through me, and into the lottery ticket that you order. From what I can tell, this ritual is performed by dialing our number and then pitching your cell phone into a pillow case full of candy wrappers, tin foil and broken glass. If you can successfully retrieve the phone before I hang up, then your ticket will be blessed. This is the only explanation I can devise from the bizarre sounds of desperate rummaging and grunting that seem to be occurring around the phone.

Now I’m not one to disparage anyone’s….er….spiritual beliefs….but I should offer you fair warning here. Even if this elaborate cantrip of yours was to succeed and you did somehow channel the raw essence of good fortune through the line it must still pass through me to reach the ticket. I must point out that I am a black void where hope and fortune goes to die. My existence here is essentially sort of a luck singularity. Any and all good will that passes through me is sucked beyond my event horizon to a place where not even light itself can escape. While I cannot back it up with statistics or pesky things like facts I am quite confident I have never, ever sold a winning ticket in all my years here.

So perhaps you should rethink these futile magiks of yours, for they are no match for the power that I wield.




.......

C: “Yeah, it’s Maggie with Butt Bait & Tackle”
Me: “With...what...sorry?
SC: “Butt Bait & Tackle”
Me: “.....How is that spelled?”
C: “B-u-t-t”

I had to really make sure I confirmed that one. Now that I have verified its authenticity I have but one question: Why would you do that? My God. I assume it’s named after the owner ( at least I hope it is ), but even so….if your name was Butt why would you name a company after yourself? Especially Butt Bait & Tackle. That doesn’t sound like a sporting goods store. It sounds like a fetish club or a purveyor of fine latex products. Either way it’s a terrible name for a business and I can't begin to imagine the sort of wrong numbers you get on a daily basis.



Har!

Me: “Good morning, <company>. This is GK speaking, how may I help you?”
SC: “Yeah, who are you?”

Did you see that? I’m so talented I answered his question before he even asked. I’m just that good.



Wait a sec....

SC: “Do you have any cancellations tomorrow?”
Me: “I’m afraid the office is closed now. I don’t have access to their schedule.”
SC: “But don’t they phone you to say if they’re going to cancel?”
Me: “I don’t have access to their appointments or cancellations, I’m their afterhours service.”
SC: “But wouldn’t they call you? If they were canceling their move over the weekend. They would call here wouldn’t they? If a person was canceling their move wouldn’t you know that? Wouldn’t they call you?”
Me: “Well, yes.”

You sound….oddly familiar. But I can’t quite place it…..regardless, why are you so obsessed with whether or not we’ve had a cancellation? Are you that desperate for someone to come over, lift up your things and deliver them to a different location? Your fixation seems just a little unhealthy, honestly. You may wish to sit down, take a breather, have a Dr Pepper. You know, relax. Contrary to popular belief this topic is utterly unimportant at 1am on a Saturday morning and can surely wait till at least day break.

SC: “So did you get any calls tonight about cancelling moves?”
Me: “I’m afraid that would be confidential.”
SC: “Well, because, I’m….uh….ok so. What time are they open?”
Me: “They’re not open on the weekend I’m afraid.”
SC: “Fine. <click>”

That was….very odd.




Ah Ha!

Me: “Good evening, <compa-"
SC: “Who am I speaking with?”

Oh, hello again. Still desperate for a mover?

Me: “This is GK.”
SC: “Hi, yeah, anyone with that name knows me to not be telling a fib on the phone here to do with what’s going on. My phones are numbered in a confidential matter.”

I…the…..what? What are you even….

SC: “After I hung up from you I had a comment made in the building. Back and forth commenting in my apartment. That’s more of a HARRASSER in the building.”

So….lets see if I have this right…..after you got off the phone the voices in your apartment started harassing you and now you’re blaming me because I told them things you told me confidentially? Is that it? Perhaps you should ask them to remind you when to take your medication, as you’ve obviously missed a…..hey wait a minute. I do know you. You’re one of the lunatics that keeps calling <Hot Tips>. I knew you sounded familiar.

Not that I am pleased by this revelation, mind you. The thought that you might be branching out in your efforts is a bit unsettling and I can only hope some sort of swift, irreparable misfortune befalls your phone service. Not that it would matter much. I’m sure you’d still be quite content speaking into a dead receiver. Heck, ask one of the voices to pretend to be on the other end of the line. You could play phone crazy all night and not even rack up any calling charges.




Not A Cub Scout

Me: “Do you have your customer ID?"
SC: “Oh, yes, I do but it’s in the other room. Just one minute…..”

So the thought of actually bringing it with you to the phone to place your order didn’t cross your mind I take it?


Me: “Alright, and which credit card would you like to use?”
sC: “Um, the one I just dropped on the floor.”

Well, at least its still closer then your customer ID.


SC: “I’m not very prepared, am I?”

No, no you’re not. But hey, at least your honest. Admittance is the first step towards healing.



Pro Tip

Perhaps you should wait until after you’ve completely hung up the phone before you start sarcastically mocking me to a coworker for daring to have the gall to do my job properly. It would greatly reduce the chances of your desperate call for tech support being "accidentally" erased from the work queue.



Whoa, man

Me: “And your first name please?”
C: “Rainbow.”

Parents planted the family tree in a poppy field, did they?


(FHUUQGHFOPQHYFO@!$

SC: “This is not an emergency, but it is kind of an emergency.”

Ok, so it’s not an emergency but it’s an emergency. Got it.


SC: “is there a doctor on call?”
Me: “There is a doctor on call, but only for emergencies."
SC: “Oh, ok, so, I have a yeast infection-”

OK STOP TALKING.


SC: “At least I think it’s a yeast infection.”

I DON’T KNOW. STOP.


SC: “I thought it could wait till Monday but I don’t know if I can handle it.”

DANGER WILL ROBINSON.


SC: “So what should I do?”

YOU SHOULD STOP SHARING. I KNOW THEY TAUGHT YOU THAT SHARING IS GOOD IN KINDERGARDEN BUT THEY WERE LYING. SHARING IS BAD.



SC: “I can’t walk into the emergency room with a yeast infection.”

PLEASE STOP SAYING THAT.


SC: “Do you think I should go to a walk in clinic?”

WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME LORD?


SC: “You’re not a doctor though, you’re just an operator.”

THAT HASN’T STOPPED YOU SO FAR. BY ALL MEANS CONTINUE. IGNORE THE SOUND OF MY WHIMPERING AND RESUME ELABORATING ON BAKING INGREDIENTS IN YOUR VAGINA.



Love is Over

Me: "Are you calling to book a room?”
SC: “No.”

Then our brief time together has come to an end I’m afraid. We had some good times though didn’t we? But in the end I guess we just weren’t right for each other and it’s time for both of us to move on with our lives.


SC: “I was actually trying to book a flight.”

….oookay, look. I know you’re upset, but it’s over between us. We just can’t do this anymore, ok? One of us is just going to get hurt again.


SC: “Our flight got cancelled here-“

You’re creeping me out a little here. Look, it’s over, ok? There’s nothing between us anymore. You have to let it go. The sex wasn't that good.


SC: “So we were hoping to reschedule.”

Do I have to get a restraining order? Is that what you want? Is it? I’ve seen you driving past the house. I know it’s you! Don’t make me call the police again!



You Gotta Move On

Me: “Are you calling to place an order?”
SC: “No.”

Ok, I know it’s you! I can see you out in the bushes! The cops are on their way. It didn’t have to be like this! <sob>


I Think I Know Whats Wrong

SC: “Your buzzer…uh..pad…to buzz my friend isn’t working. I pressed his number and he didn't answer.”
Me: “Alright…”
SC: “I’m in front of the zalander….uh…zaland…..azlander …..”
C2: “<voice in the background> ALEXANDER STREET”
SC: “Ya, that. I buzzed da manager but he’s not answerin’”

Wait…ok….you tried to buzz your friend and he didn't answer. So you tried to buzz the manager and he didn’t answer. These two little bits of information, combined with the drunken slurring, seem to indicate that there is nothing wrong with the buzzer at all. In fact I would venture to guess it is 100% mechanically sound and in fact this is a failure on the part of the intoxicated meat sack that’s mashing the keypad as we speak.



Ah, Its Good To Be Down Town Again


I would like to take a moment to offer a bit of a shout out as it were to the rather skuzzy fellow a block down from our office. While you did indeed commit the transgression of attempting to bum change off of me you were at least completely honest with your projected financial plans. Indicating quite readily that any spare cash I or anyone could spare was to be immediately devoted to funding beer and possibly one or more prostitutes depending on the size of my donation.

Still I have my doubts as to the quality and skill level of rumpy bumpy one can purchase for a handful of loose change. I imagine its at least a $50 minimum just to get out of the Herpes Zone.






annnd rest.

tenzilkem
11-29-2009, 08:08 PM
Welcome back GK! Your tales of working the phones are a lot better than mine and you definitely make my day when you post. Sorry you get the insane ones. I personally just get idiots who can't figure out how to use a celphone.

jedimaster91
11-29-2009, 09:06 PM
The broken heater gleefully blowing freezing cold air directly up my ass from below.

I see you took a field trip to Kentucky and stopped by the library. Why didn't you come say hi to me? *pout*


(FHUUQGHFOPQHYFO@!$

SC: “This is not an emergency, but it is kind of an emergency.”

Ok, so it’s not an emergency but it’s an emergency. Got it.


SC: “is there a doctor on call?”
Me: “There is a doctor on call, but only for emergencies."
SC: “Oh, ok, so, I have a yeast infection-”

OK STOP TALKING.


SC: “At least I think it’s a yeast infection.”

I DON’T KNOW. STOP.


SC: “I thought it could wait till Monday but I don’t know if I can handle it.”

DANGER WILL ROBINSON.


SC: “So what should I do?”

YOU SHOULD STOP SHARING. I KNOW THEY TAUGHT YOU THAT SHARING IS GOOD IN KINDERGARDEN BUT THEY WERE LYING. SHARING IS BAD.



SC: “I can’t walk into the emergency room with a yeast infection.”

PLEASE STOP SAYING THAT.


SC: “Do you think I should go to a walk in clinic?”

WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME LORD?


SC: “You’re not a doctor though, you’re just an operator.”

THAT HASN’T STOPPED YOU SO FAR. BY ALL MEANS CONTINUE. IGNORE THE SOUND OF MY WHIMPERING AND RESUME ELABORATING ON BAKING INGREDIENTS IN YOUR VAGINA.

It's called Monistat, lady, and you can pick it up at your local 24-hr Walgreens. Sheesh. What woman DOESN'T know about Monistat?

Sorry for your pain, GK.

Sonoma
11-29-2009, 09:37 PM
Arghhh....why I returned I have no idea, but I did.
Me: “Do you have your customer ID?"
SC: “Oh, yes, I do but it’s in the other room. Just one minute…..”

So the thought of actually bringing it with you to the phone to place your order didn’t cross your mind I take it?




Glad you're back, it was too quiet without your tales.

You have no clue how many times I get that in a day. I work for a health insurance company. To those super-geniuses who, when I ask them for their Member ID act shocked & put out that I would request such nonsense - When you call for help with your benefits or claims, don't you think it might be necessary for me to be able to identify who you are?

NightWatch
11-29-2009, 09:50 PM
It's called Monistat, lady, and you can pick it up at your local 24-hr Walgreens. Sheesh. What woman DOESN'T know about Monistat?

Sorry for your pain, GK.

Monistat and a metric ton of yogurt (for eating of course...), you'll be fine in a couple of days.

GK, I missed your face! Glad you're back.

SG15Z
11-29-2009, 09:56 PM
Yay you're back!!! :)

How was your vacation?

petite
11-29-2009, 11:42 PM
Pro Tip

Perhaps you should wait until after you’ve completely hung up the phone before you start sarcastically mocking me to a coworker for daring to have the gall to do my job properly. It would greatly reduce the chances of your desperate call for tech support being "accidentally" erased from the work queue.

You wouldn't believe how often that has happened to me! The most puzzling thing though, is when the customer is deceivingly nice to you during the conversation, and after you close the call, you just hear "stupid f*cking b*tch..." It's like... what?!

It's one thing when they're a complete jerk to you on the phone, then you pretty much expect those kinds of comments. But when they're nice... I just don't get it.

EricKei
11-30-2009, 12:37 AM
Welcome back from the brink of Sanity, GK. I see that some of your regulars have been stocking up on Crazy for you.

Broomjockey
11-30-2009, 01:18 AM
Monistat and a metric ton of yogurt (for eating of course...)

Fixed, according to certain corners of the internets.

infinitemonkies
11-30-2009, 08:58 AM
Guiding the dill witted, inept and downright idiotic amongst us along the clearly marked paths of basic competency.

I'm not certain if 'dill witted' is a typo or another trademark GK cutting remark, but I really like it.

karath
11-30-2009, 09:55 AM
Glad you're back, it was too quiet without your tales.

You have no clue how many times I get that in a day. I work for a health insurance company. To those super-geniuses who, when I ask them for their Member ID act shocked & put out that I would request such nonsense - When you call for help with your benefits or claims, don't you think it might be necessary for me to be able to identify who you are?

Ah, that brings back memories. What was strangely common actually involved parents calling up to cancel Junior's WoW account. Refused at the beginning of the call to provide us with their name and email address on the grounds that they don't know who we are and we have no right to ask them that...

And then promptly tell us their credit card number (or, occasionally, social security ; we had to cut them off FAST when they started on that :confused:). Always confused the hell out of me; how on earth can people be so selectively paranoid?
I then read over this site again and eeeeverything makes sense...:angel:

Becks
11-30-2009, 04:04 PM
Arghhh....why I returned I have no idea, but I did.


You're a glutton for punishment.

morgana
11-30-2009, 09:14 PM
Pro Tip

Perhaps you should wait until after you’ve completely hung up the phone before you start sarcastically mocking me to a coworker for daring to have the gall to do my job properly. It would greatly reduce the chances of your desperate call for tech support being "accidentally" erased from the work queue.




I LOVE YOU! :roll:

jackfaire
12-01-2009, 12:26 PM
*giggles* I once had a guy start cursing me out thinking he had hung up his phone.

Me: Sir I am still here

SC: Oh sorry wasn't talking about you (again incorrectly hangs up again curses me out to his friend I disconnected the call sighing)

Kara
12-01-2009, 08:43 PM
Arghhh....why I returned I have no idea, but I did.

Because it is our unfortunate destiny.

Me: “And your first name please?”
C: “Rainbow.”

Cute name for a pony. For a people, not so much. For their sake, I hope it was a girl.

THAT HASN’T STOPPED YOU SO FAR. BY ALL MEANS CONTINUE. IGNORE THE SOUND OF MY WHIMPERING AND RESUME ELABORATING ON BAKING INGREDIENTS IN YOUR VAGINA.

Hmm, sheds new light on the term 'a bun in the oven,' no?

For some reason that makes me want to bake a cake. Or cookies...

Jester
12-02-2009, 05:11 AM
Arghhh....why I returned I have no idea, but I did.

If only Patton had had your confidence and positive attitude!

SC: “Butt Bait & Tackle”

Why would you do that? My God. I assume it’s named after the owner ( at least I hope it is ), but even so….if your name was Butt why would you name a company after yourself? Especially Butt Bait & Tackle.

Besides the fact that the people in this industry tend to be laidback and not the type to take themselves too seriously, the obvious answer is "It's memorable." Much like a bait and tackle shop I once saw named "Master Baiters."

Think about it.

Scary how right I am, isn't it? :lol:

Are you that desperate for someone to come over, lift up your things and deliver them to a different location? Your fixation seems just a little unhealthy, honestly.

Perhaps. But then again, maybe they live in a place that is so horrible that they just have to get out NOW.

Like, say, Newark. Or Cleveland. Or Homestead, Florida.

Or heaven help them, Globe, Arizona. If you've ever been to Globe, you'd understand. Half the time I was there, I was passed out. By all accounts, that's the best way to spend your time in Globe.

Oh, hello again. Still desperate for a mover?

Perhaps you should ask them to remind you when to take your medication...

Definitely Globe.

Perhaps you should wait until after you’ve completely hung up the phone before you start sarcastically mocking me to a coworker for daring to have the gall to do my job properly. It would greatly reduce the chances of your desperate call for tech support being "accidentally" erased from the work queue.

Bravo, sir! Bravo indeed! Now, if only I could find a way to "lose" some of my idiot customers' drinks.....

SC: “Oh, ok, so, I have a yeast infection-”

OK STOP TALKING.

BY ALL MEANS CONTINUE. IGNORE THE SOUND OF MY WHIMPERING AND RESUME ELABORATING ON BAKING INGREDIENTS IN YOUR VAGINA.

For GK only....and any other brave soul (but remember, you've been warned):

GK, you know the best part about fucking a girl with a yeast infection? You'll both get a rise out of it!

It's one thing when they're a complete jerk to you on the phone, then you pretty much expect those kinds of comments. But when they're nice... I just don't get it.

This is exactly the same type of person that will rip a server a new one for the most minor of transgressions, and then when the manager comes over....are nothing but polite glowing sweetness.

Luckily for us, a good deal of restaurant managers have been servers, so are wise to this bullshit.

Always confused the hell out of me; how on earth can people be so selectively paranoid?
I then read over this site again and eeeeverything makes sense...

Good....someone I don't have to remind! :lol:

XCashier
12-02-2009, 06:22 AM
Me: “And your first name please?”
C: “Rainbow.”
Cute name for a pony. For a people, not so much. For their sake, I hope it was a girl.
:lol: I just got this mental image of some 6'7", 350 lb, burly, bearded guy with a basso profundo voice saying, "My name is Rainbow. Youse gotta problem with that?"

Welcome back, Gravekeeper. You keep posting, we'll help you maintain what's left of your sanity. :D

AriRashkae
12-02-2009, 12:08 PM
I'm not certain if 'dill witted' is a typo or another trademark GK cutting remark, but I really like it.

The pickles might be smarter. ;)



Hmm, sheds new light on the term 'a bun in the oven,' no?

For some reason that makes me want to bake a cake. Or cookies...

Damn you! Now I do too! :lol:


Besides the fact that the people in this industry tend to be laidback and not the type to take themselves too seriously, the obvious answer is "It's memorable." Much like a bait and tackle shop I once saw named "Master Baiters."

Think about it.

Scary how right I am, isn't it? :lol:

Ah, but the servant waits! :lol:

Gravekeeper
12-02-2009, 03:50 PM
Scary how right I am, isn't it? :lol:


Touche.


For GK only....and any other brave soul (but remember, you've been warned):

Gah! Note to self: Save bravery until after I finish eating breakfast. >.>


And yes, dill witted was a typo. But its growing on me now. ;p

Andara Bledin
12-04-2009, 09:32 PM
From what I can tell, this ritual is performed by dialing our number and then pitching your cell phone into a pillow case full of candy wrappers, tin foil and broken glass.
Accidental dialing. They're somehow hitting the re-dial button on the phone, and so it calls out, and you hang up, and then it hangs up, only to have the redial button pressed again, at which point the whole thing starts over.
I do know you. You’re one of the lunatics that keeps calling <Hot Tips>. I knew you sounded familiar.
Oh, no, this one now has 2 different numbers they can call to pitch their crazy at you? You poor thing.

... er, poorer thing....
SC: “Oh, ok, so, I have a yeast infection-”
I know you don't ever want to have any opportunity to dispense any advice, but perhaps suggest that they take a trip to a local all-night pharmacy for some over-the-counter relief until regular office hours.
Still I have my doubts as to the quality and skill level of rumpy bumpy one can purchase for a handful of loose change. I imagine its at least a $50 minimum just to get out of the Herpes Zone.
Some beggars make more in an afternoon than I make in a week... >.>

That's why I only give out food/drink or coupons for the same.
What woman DOESN'T know about Monistat?
Even I know about it, and I've never had a need or desire to use it. Although I do possess the appropriate equipment.
I work for a health insurance company.
I don't call for any health-related thing without having my card already out and in my hand.
For GK only....and any other brave soul (but remember, you've been warned):
Jester, that was so delightfully wrong. :roll:
Gah! Note to self: Save bravery until after I finish eating breakfast. >.>
Well, he did warn you. Twice.

^-.-^

cinema guy
12-05-2009, 12:23 AM
the obvious answer is "It's memorable." Much like a bait and tackle shop I once saw named "Master Baiters."

:lol::roll:

There's a canine grooming parlour near me called 'The Doggie Stylist'.

Flying Grype
12-05-2009, 12:32 AM
C: “Yeah, it’s Maggie with Butt Bait & Tackle”
Me: “With...what...sorry?
SC: “Butt Bait & Tackle”
Me: “.....How is that spelled?”
C: “B-u-t-t”

*gigglesnort* I'm not sure which is funnier, butt bait or butt tackle.

It probably is named after the owner. There's a reality show on up here in Canada right now where one of the contestants has the last name of Butt. I don't know his ethnicity. He's from the prairies and looks pretty white, maybe with a bit of First Nations in there somewhere.

Also, one of my favourite takeout restaurants is run by a Pakistani guy named Mr. Butt.

Gravekeeper
12-05-2009, 05:08 AM
Accidental dialing. They're somehow hitting the re-dial button on the phone, and so it calls out, and you hang up, and then it hangs up, only to have the redial button pressed again, at which point the whole thing starts over.


Yeah, I know. We get them all the time at work. Drive me crazy. I don't mind once but you often get it 4 or 5 times in a row.


There's a reality show on up here in Canada right now where one of the contestants has the last name of Butt.

Butt Bait & Tackle was calling from one of the southern states. So you have to picture it with the accent on top of the name. >.>

Megg
12-05-2009, 05:20 AM
But then again, maybe they live in a place that is so horrible that they just have to get out NOW.

Duh, Nunavut obviously! :lol:

Butt Bait & Tackle was calling from one of the southern states.

Having grown up in Texas, that would be the state I would guess. :D

BusBus
12-06-2009, 07:24 PM
My Duties Resume

I have returned. Ahhh…..the nostalgia overwhelms me. The stench of stale cigarette smoke mixed with the faintest whiff of human urine and just a touch of Axe body spray. The broken heater gleefully blowing freezing cold air directly up my ass from below. It has been a while, public transit. I’d almost forgotten the sights, sounds and smells one experiences within your forsaken confines. I had managed to avoid having to use you for near two weeks. But alas this reprieve came to an end.


Ah yes, the joys of returning to the warm bosom of Translink. I walk to and from work every day, regardless of the weather, to avoid this. My immune system thanks me.



As much as I hate to interrupt your spittle driven tirade about a broken lock on a back door or some such silliness. An issue which was already documented and passed along to your building manager an hour ago when you first called. I must level a single counter point to your argument: Berating me for several minutes as if this is personally my fault and then reassuring me that it is not my fault and you understand it is not my fault does not justify the initial verbal beating. Especially not when you immediately resume berating me after reassuring me you understand it is not my fault. All this tells me is that you a small, petty individual whose genitalia are inadequately sized for pleasuring anything beyond a stale handful of Honey Nut Cheerios. A fact which drives you forward with little regard for who you lash out at as long as you get to yell at someone. Regardless of whether or not they actually have anything to do with the situation.


I do this because I love you!


Or better yet perhaps you could channel this seething energy into something constructive?

Like fixing the damn lock yourself?



My True Nature

So perhaps you should rethink these futile magiks of yours, for they are no match for the power that I wield.


Maybe his attempts of "winning it big" did not come to fruition after specifically requesting that you give him the "winning ticket" in the past (you bastard), so he opted to take his luck into his own hands?



.......

C: “Yeah, it’s Maggie with Butt Bait & Tackle”


I tried googling this to find it....the first link that came up was this thread.
Thankfully, I had the SafeSearch on.



THAT HASN’T STOPPED YOU SO FAR. BY ALL MEANS CONTINUE. IGNORE THE SOUND OF MY WHIMPERING AND RESUME ELABORATING ON BAKING INGREDIENTS IN YOUR VAGINA.


:lol: That will get me through the rest of my day.



Ah, Its Good To Be Down Town Again

Still I have my doubts as to the quality and skill level of rumpy bumpy one can purchase for a handful of loose change. I imagine its at least a $50 minimum just to get out of the Herpes Zone.



If Buddy is hanging out by Granville on a Saturday night, he can probably use all of the change towards beer and get his other "fix" for free.





It's called Monistat, lady, and you can pick it up at your local 24-hr Walgreens. Sheesh. What woman DOESN'T know about Monistat?

Sorry for your pain, GK.

We don't get Walgreens in this neck of the woods. I think the closest equivalent would be a Shoppers Drug Mart? Granted, the few 24 hours ones that are out there do not have a pharmacist on hand, so some of the fun stuff is locked away....possibly including the Monistat (can't say for sure, never have gone on a 3am Monistat run before).




For GK only....and any other brave soul (but remember, you've been warned):

:rimshot:


This is exactly the same type of person that will rip a server a new one for the most minor of transgressions, and then when the manager comes over....are nothing but polite glowing sweetness.


God, I get the same thing at my office. You tell the client something that they don't like, they yell and argue with you, they demand to speak to the supervisor, the supervisor tells them the exact same thing and they nod and agree and thank them for their time :doh: Thanks for wasting my time.....


:lol: I just got this mental image of some 6'7", 350 lb, burly, bearded guy with a basso profundo voice saying, "My name is Rainbow. Youse gotta problem with that?"


:lol: Awesome.

Gravekeeper
12-06-2009, 07:49 PM
I tried googling this to find it....the first link that came up was this thread.
Thankfully, I had the SafeSearch on.


Yar, I have to alter everything a bit to protect clientele remember. Especially difficult when the client is the joke though.

BusBus
12-06-2009, 09:11 PM
Yar, I have to alter everything a bit to protect clientele remember. Especially difficult when the client is the joke though.

Naturally! Everything I see at my job is protected by a dozen privacy laws, so I understand (which also makes it reaaallllllllyyyyy difficult when you see something awesome/hilarious and you can't say a thing).

Gravekeeper
12-06-2009, 09:27 PM
Naturally! Everything I see at my job is protected by a dozen privacy laws, so I understand (which also makes it reaaallllllllyyyyy difficult when you see something awesome/hilarious and you can't say a thing).

Yar, I have to edit the living heck out of my stuff before I can post it. I have layers of NDA on me. >.>

Jester
12-06-2009, 11:27 PM
Jester, that was so delightfully wrong.

My work here is done.

Furthea
12-07-2009, 09:10 PM
Whoa, man
Me: “And your first name please?”
C: “Rainbow.”
Parents planted the family tree in a poppy field, did they?



That's odd, but then again my Mother works with a guy named Friend and one of our friendly regulars where I work is named Guy.

Broomjockey
12-07-2009, 11:03 PM
Guy.

French origin. Not odd at all. Friend, though. That's crazy. Had a friend (giggle) growing up nicknamed "Bud." They'd probably get on well.

Jester
12-08-2009, 02:07 PM
That's odd, but then again my Mother works with a guy named Friend and one of our friendly regulars where I work is named Guy.

Guy is a fairly common name, actually.

That being said, just yesterday I had at my bar a gentleman by the name of King. This was not his last name nor a nickname, but his actual first name!

And Broom, my stepfather's nickname is Bud. I don't call him that, but much of his family does. (He's a junior, and apparently that is a relatively common nickname among juniors.)

Amusingly, a few years ago a Major League pitcher by the name of Bud Smith had a great game in some fashion (don't remember the exact details), but since my stepfather's last name is Smith, I had to call him up about that. He found it very amusing.

Though I am sure there are tons of Bud Smiths out there......