View Full Version : continually made the black sheep of the family
04-02-2010, 10:02 PM
been the black sheep of my dad's side of the family because for a while they believed his lies about myself and my mother. even though they know the truth now i still get slighted. that i don't care so much about now. however after having been married for a year now and having tried to be part of the family. I get a glaring realization today.
so...why? is it because i'm different, do things different from them or not snotty rich people? or is it because i actually married what the rest of the family considers the black sheep on their side?
I embraced being the "black sheep" weirdo geek or what have you different person from the rest. i never hurt anyone (not intentionally) was always nice to an extent unless people tried to treat me rudely or as a doormat. and did my best to apologize and make amends when i did wrong. SO WHY do myself and my Dear husband get shafted any time we are invited to any family gathering at any side? i have little to nothing in common with most of either side of his family but often find pleasant conversation somehow. But today apparently I tried to join the wrong conversation and was given this awful look. no one seemed to care that DH had fled to a hiding spot in the house with my daughter but myself and FIL.
I told myself the first time with my dad's family that its ok because i don't care what they think. But here, why call me family and treat me as such then turn around and then do a 180?
Side note: hubby has become used to this and when ever invited just finds a hiding spot and stays out of the way until time to go. i know it bothers him but i leave it be and let him handle it his way as he knows i am there for whatever and whenever he needs hugs and comforts
I'm the black sheep as well.....everyone else knows all the family new/gossip, and are shocked when I don't (how can I, if no one speaks to me)
Hell, I've had relatives die and not hear about til after the funeral. (not close ones, but still)
At gatherings, I'm usually in the corner bored outta my mind or being ask the same exact questions from last time (as "where do you work?" Same place these past 3 years...)
It really sucks when so-called family treats you like a stranger...this is what I've always felt that the same DNA or last name does not make you family....it how you actually treat people.
04-03-2010, 12:11 PM
While I'm the black sheep in so fact that I don't drink, do drugs, or ever had a relationship longer then a few months, and even that was just one. I'm not as smart as them. I don't make as much money as them. (Hell, even the one that stole $300 from our dying grandpa, didn't finish high school, has a wife and his own business). Most of the have had fun times. All were popular in school. Only a few of them are in jail and/or prison. More then half are married already.
...yeah. I'm jealous of them. But whatever. I wouldn't be the black sheep if I wasn't completly different them them. Someone had to get all the undesirable traits. Might as well be the one who didn't deserve anything. We're still decently close. Not alot. But decent. I think some of them love me anyway.
04-03-2010, 06:38 PM
My advice may be familiar to some of you on this board, as I've given a variation on it many times. That well may be true, but I find the advice to be solid, so I shall give it yet again.
Short version: fuck 'em.
Slightly longer version: If people can't be bothered to be nice, friendly, polite, and/or considerate to you and your husband, whether they are family or not, why would you continue to attend their social functions?
I am not overly fond of all of my family, and some of my relatives I find really unpleasant. So I don't bother with them. I barely talk to my older sister at all anymore, due primarily to the fact that over the last ten plus years, she has treated me basically like shit. Since I don't bother with people who treat me in ways I deem acceptable, I don't bother with her. I'll let her be an evil witch to other people who allow it, but I won't have that in my life. Just because she is my sister does not give her the right to behave that way towards me, and I won't and don't tolerate it.
If you and your husband are that miserable and feel that sleighted at these functions, to hell with the family. Don't go. Stop allowing yourselves to be mistreated like that. To hell with this so-called family.
As I said: fuck 'em.
04-03-2010, 07:13 PM
Jester's right about this. If civility is too much to ask of them; then do the holidays with the family you and your husband have made. With the regard to the rest of them: LIVE AND LET DIE!
Ahh, family. You may have to love them, but you certainly DON'T have to like them.
I'm the "pink" sheep of my entire extended family. I come from a family of farmers on one side, and traders on the other side (by that I mean men that cover almost all areas of the trade industry....plumbing to welding to construction to electronics to whatver). Both families come from very, very small rural or farming communities with simple lives and simple attitudes.
I don't consider this a "big" city like New York or LA, but it's the biggest in this area of Wisconsin. I love it here. It's big enough for me for everything to be convenient and not podunk bum egypt.
I love to dress girly, look girly. I HATE being dirty. For the most part, I hate the outdoors. I HATE fishing and hunting. I refuse to 4 wheel or dirt bike, I refuse to go boating unless it's for leisure. I only go outside to sunbathe or take a nice walk or eat a nice meal outside on a lovely day. I HATE the smell of farms. I think most farm animals are disgusting. I hate most sports and especially Nascar with a passion. I make fun of a lot of country folk, as mean as it sounds, I admit it I do it. So I make fun of my entire family, pretty much. I make fun of how a lot of them talk.
They make fun of me for being a prissy indoor city girl. Hardly any of my extended family talks to me at family functions other than "Hello how are you, do you have a boyfriend?" and then their list of insults or stupid questions.
I am very proud to be the "pink" sheep. Fuck em!
04-03-2010, 10:32 PM
My extended family views me with confusion and amusement. I've moved away, done grad school, and will be the first in the family with a Ph.D....eventually. (Three cousins all have Masters of Education.) But I get a lot of "When will you be done with school?" and "When are you going to find a husband and procreate?" It's not with malice, that's just the culture. I'm sure they'll all be relieved when I bring the boyfriend around for the holidays. :lol: Yeah, my folks are real country...but I'm real country, and I'm kind of proud of that. I haven't let my background determine my future.
(My immediate family is all pretty awesome, when everyone's sober.)
I'm frightened to meet the bf's extended family. His mom and brother are pretty cool, but he's already told me horror stories about this one Bible-thumping uncle he has who constantly harrasses him because he's Buddhist. :( I don't handle people messing with my bf well.
04-04-2010, 02:18 AM
Ahh, family. You may have to love them, but you certainly DON'T have to like them.
You don't have to love 'em, either.
Love, respect, etc all has to be earned. Even among blood relatives. Unfortunately, too many people think that just because you share more DNA markers that means that they don't have to be decent to you.
My brother tries that shit all the time. He thinks that because I'm his sister I should help him when he needs it, even though we both know that he'll never pay me back for any of it. I know better and have essentially cut him off.
04-05-2010, 03:15 AM
not so good with quoting, so
Jester: This is true. DH is used to it but for me this was my first time so it bothered me as they acted like they cared. Meh, not going to another social on that side of the family.
Did my venting and done with it. Being married is still new to me even though its been almost two years. For the longest time it was just my mom and me growing up.
Blas: agreed, I'm quite the opposite to an extent. not prissy but a tom boy. so it was fun. So yeah don't mind gardening but not so much a weekly habit. not a green thumb on either hand. people out here like to hunt fish and farm. me not so much i don't kill things out here i loathe using guns. i refuse to touch one. so yes thats part of why they react that way to me.
Cat...and anyone else I missed: its good to know I am not the only one. have started using this phrase when I'm pissed off - trying to watch my language around the kids now before its too late and someone picks up a new word -
if you don't like me or (whatever the issue is) you can kiss the fastest part of my ass!
rude but...that seems to be the thing here, manners have their place but not when you piss a family member off. meh. its becoming less and less a problem for me. THANK YOU for the support! HUGS
04-07-2010, 07:31 PM
I live fulltime in an RV while everyone else lives in houses. How's THAT for black sheep? :rolleyes:
I'd ignore them, myself. Ya don't need that kinda stress in your life.
04-08-2010, 06:40 PM
*offers bacon* yep. not holding my breath either as they are known for waiting to call me on my issues with them too. meh not my problem thankies for the help everyone :-D
04-12-2010, 08:36 PM
It happens. If you're old enough and don't rely on them, ditch them. Seriously. We don't get to choose our families and some of us get stuck with duds -- abusive, sick, dangerous, harmful people to be around. I say cut them off if you can. I have a friend who did that and she's felt really free and happy since getting those people off her back.
04-13-2010, 02:31 AM
haven't heard a word nor seen any of them since the good friday get together good riddance. dad in law talks to them but i stay out of his business
feel better lately. just trying to get through april to prepare for the trip come may! going to texas to see family!!!
04-13-2010, 02:55 AM
We don't get to choose our families and some of us get stuck with duds -- abusive, sick, dangerous, harmful people to be around.
Oh, so I see you know my older sister. :lol:
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