Coworker just friendly or trying to send signals?

[ShinyGreenApple]

Let it be known that I'm very inept at reading signals from the opposite sex, and can also be introverted. I am finally at the point where I am happy being single and comfortable with who I am, but at the same time, I certainly wouldn't say no to the right person.

There is someone on my shift for the store remodel that I've become interested in; when I first started the job I did notice that he was attractive, and recently we've gotten friendly as we hang in the same social circle on break. He's got a nickname for me taken from a movie where the title character shares the same first name with me, and almost always refers to me this way. During morning meetings he usually stands at the far end of the room, but a few days ago we walked up from the time clock together and he stood slouched against the wall next to me. The same day, on break, he insisted I hold his hand and walk back into the store under the guise of 'starting a rumor' as a joke. (Long story, the joke was that he 'stole' me from a female coworker and neither of us are lesbian. She is tired of being accused of being an item with her close lesbian friend). He usually gets assignments to build shelves and fixtures while I'm doing signage or setting modules, but will usually pop into the aisle I'm on at least once a shift to ask how the job was coming along or if I was doing something nice for my Mother this Sunday.

I'm really trying not to read into all this too much, but at the same time, I don't want to pass him up if he is trying to be subtle.

Help :(

[Exaspera]

After work, ask him if he'd like to join you for coffee. :)

[Plaidman]

It wouldn't hurt to ask out for coffee.

I'm lousy at signals myself. The idea of a girl flirting with me is very foregin and nonexistant in my lifetime.

But as a guy, it really seems he is flirting with ya.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Sounds like flirting to me. I say go for it.

[elsporko]

He wanted to hold your hand. Either he's a Beatle or he's in to you.

[BookstoreEscapee]

He wanted to hold your hand. Either he's a Beatle or he's in to you.

:lol: thanks now that'll be stuck in my head (better than Bill Cosby's Chocolate Cake song that I had yesterday...)

[dalesys]

:lol: thanks now that'll be stuck in my head (better than Bill Cosby's Chocolate Cake song that I had yesterday...)
What I do with earworms is rewrite the lyrics.
I.e., "I wanna hold your hams...":angel:

[BookstoreEscapee]

Perhaps getting the Chocolate Cake song stuck is a good reason for me not to get chocolate cake at lunch (but it's so yummy!)...

Dad is great!
Give us chocolate cake!

[ShinyGreenApple]

He wanted to hold your hand. Either he's a Beatle or he's in to you.

:lol: I love it. And I'm a big Beatles fan. Thanks for the input, guys! I'll see if I can get there early Monday and chat him up by the time clock again. It's harder once we go on break because of the other three people.

[Jester]

I've said it before and I'll say it again: stop trying to read signals. We as humans are bad at sending signals and even worse at reading them.

If you're interested, and it sure seems like you are, see if you can get together with him socially outside of work. See where that goes. Invite him to coffee, lunch, a bar, a dance club, a poetry reading, a sporting event, a party...whatever works for you socially.

Is he flirting with you? Yes. Does that mean he is interested in you romantically? I have no clue. He may be flirting to try to get together with you. He may also just be a general flirt. It's hard to tell. So take the plunge, ask him out, see where it goes. After all, what if he is trying to read the "signals" you are sending?

Think about that.

[ShinyGreenApple]

Believe me, I'd have been a lot more forward than I have if I wasn't worried about making things awkward if he's just playing around. We still have to work with each other for at least a month, and possibly longer if the store decides to retain us after remodel, which is likely seeing the stuff they trust us with already. I was actually going to see if he was interested in checking out Iron Man with me this weekend, since he's a movie kind of person, but he wasn't there Thursday or Friday.

[ShinyGreenApple]

Wow. Thanks for the advice guys, but scratch everything. On a whim I went to the FL Dept of corrections website and searched him. The reason he's been absent from work? There is someone with his name, a description that sounds too damn close to not be him, and a bit saying that he was being sentenced on Thursday for attempt to sell date rape back in February.

Fucking hell. :eek: :(

[Cookie]

Holy cow! :eek: :jawdrop: Soooo glad this didn't go further before you found out!!!!!

[BookstoreEscapee]

In that case, I take it back. Don't go for it. ;)

[Andara Bledin]

Yikes! :eek:

Well, make sure that really is him, and if it is, then just keep on with your work.

But, on the rare, off chance it isn't, you have a few good options.

^-.-^

[ShinyGreenApple]

There's always the off chance that it isn't, but the name matches, the physical description, the birthday sounds about right, I'm 99% sure it's him. And his sentence date was on May 6, and that's the first day he wasn't at work. He never misses work.

Another question though, while I doubt he's coming back to work at all (the supervisor assigned another guy to do his job and said 'you're replacing ___'), in the chance that he does, should I let my friend/coworker know? She was also really into him and I doubt she'd think to look him up on the DOC.

I'm still kind of shocked, since he seemed so clean cut and nice. This was the kind of person you brought home to Mom & Dad, or so I thought. The idea that he was selling date rape only back in February is terrifying. I was willing to work with the fact that he was divorced and had kids, but I draw the line at probation.

[Taboo]

should I let my friend/coworker know?

Only if he comes back, and only if you make sure that it is actually him first. If it is really just a bizarre coincidence, then you don't want to be spreading rumors that could hurt him. But if you can verify that it's him, then I'd say tell only that one coworker.

[Jester]

If that was him that was sentenced, I would say it was a pretty good bet that he was flirting with you, and definitely had intentions.

Just not the kind you were looking for, it seems. :rolleyes:

[ShinyGreenApple]

I'll wait until a photo goes up on the DOC site. Then I'll print it out and give it to her, or slip it in her locker. If I just march up and tell her, I'm afraid she'd get the "Rawr he's mine, stay away!" vibe from me.

EDIT: And holy shit. How on earth am I supposed to tell the nice guys apart from the ones like this? He seemed like one of the cleanest cut people on the crew. I just can't imagine him peddling drugs. I am kind of hurt and let myself have a cry last night. I thought I'd found something good when I really only narrowly avoided a train wreck.

[Jester]

I think if you just slip it in her locker, she may just not believe it. Personally, I think telling her face to face, calmly and rationally, is the way to go.

"Hey, Mary, I know you were kind of interested in Jim, but I think you should know something that I found out that scared the hell out of me." Make it clear to her that you are not trying to "mark your territory" or anything like that, but are merely trying to give her a head's up on what you just found out. Don't advise her to stay away from him, or to take any particular course of action, just give her the information and walk away. After that, she can do whatever she wants with it.

[ShinyGreenApple]

Shitbiscuits. I found a mugshot; it's definitely him. This is all really horrifying and disappointing :(

[Jester]

I think you are looking at this the wrong way. You think that it's a negative thing that the guy you were interested in is basically a scumbag. That is true, of course. But you can always look at the positive side of it; to wit, you found out he was a scumbag before anything happened that you would have regretted. In my book, that's a good thing!

[BookstoreEscapee]

I agree with Jester. You dodged a bullet so be glad for that.

[ShinyGreenApple]

Oh I know. I'm not turning my nose up at the fact that I found out about the dealing before we got involved. It just bothers me that I had to be interested in him at all; my scumbag 'radar' is usually quicker than everyone else's and it's scares me that I didn't notice something. I doubt anyone did though; everyone gets along with this guy.

I still get a sick feeling in my stomach when I think about the Rohypnol. . .

[Ree]

Seems like you dodged a bullet.

Just curious why you searched his name on the DOC site if he seemed so clean cut and nice and he seemed like the guy you take home to Mom and Dad.

I mean, it seems you had already considered asking him out before you posted for advice, but then, on a whim you searched him on the DOC site?

It's quite a fantastic coincidence that you did, but I'm wondering if there wasn't some vibe that you already felt.

[Jester]

my scumbag 'radar' is usually quicker than everyone else's and it's scares me that I didn't notice something. I doubt anyone did though; everyone gets along with this guy.

Don't beat yourself up over it. As you said, everyone liked this guy. Which means he was good at disguising his true nature. I had a girlfriend once who was like that....everyone thought she was this sweet, giving, friendly person. The entire time, though, she was manipulating people and situations to her advantage, stealing (she eventually got arrested for embezzlement), and lying about this, that and the other. A classic example of the last one: she told at least one coworker that I know of that I was physically abusive to her, when I've never hit a woman--other than my sisters--in my life. I could not at the time understand why said coworker was such an utter bitch to me. Now she and I are friends, and we laugh about the horror that was my ex-girlfriend. But it wasn't just me that got taken in by her....everyone did.

So again, stop beating yourself up. This guy was obviously very good at manipulating things to his advantage, and had everyone else fooled, not just you. Just consider yourself lucky, relax, and move on. :D

[ShinyGreenApple]

Seems like you dodged a bullet.

Just curious why you searched his name on the DOC site if he seemed so clean cut and nice and he seemed like the guy you take home to Mom and Dad.

I mean, it seems you had already considered asking him out before you posted for advice, but then, on a whim you searched him on the DOC site?

It's quite a fantastic coincidence that you did, but I'm wondering if there wasn't some vibe that you already felt.

I guess maybe I did. I was just bored and looking him up on this and that; and I guess maybe I expected to find something from when he was younger; he's 33 now. But this happened In February and yikes. Can someone please explain to me what "DEL" means as far as DOC terms? It says "Sell/Del" on there and I'm trying to figure out what exactly that entails.

And by the way . . . he's still at work. No one is acting any differently so I guess I'm the only one who knows. He says he missed the days last week because he had a horrible stomach bug and couldn't leave the bathroom.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Can someone please explain to me what "DEL" means as far as DOC terms? It says "Sell/Del" on there and I'm trying to figure out what exactly that entails.

From what I found from Google I'm guessing deliver.

[Jester]

Or perhaps a shorthand for "deal."

So, what you found on the DOC site said he was arrested in or had a warrant from February? And said nothing about the last few days when he was out of work?

Just curious.

Either way, do not get involved with this guy. Sure, there is the chance that he was just selling it to friends who wanted to get high....people do get high on that drug without using it as a date rape drug. But do you really want to take that chance? And even if that is true, do you really want to date a drug dealer?

I still think you should advise your coworker who is interested in him of the situation.

[ShinyGreenApple]

He was caught (in my county, no less) on February 26 'Misusing county property to solicit' and Hyrdocodone was listed. That's what the county website says. The state website lists him as being sentenced with the probation for Rohypnol. The sentence was served on Thursday, when he was absent for personal reasons, and he says he was deathly ill to his stomach on Friday and that's why he wasn't in then.

But no, no more intentions on my part. I'm not into casual dating/sex and he's not marriage material. While interaction during work is inevitable, I'll just be sure not to eat or drink anything he may offer. As for the coworker, she wasn't showing her usual signs of trying to chat him up and the like, so maybe her interest doesn't go beyond "jumping him in a heartbeat", as she said the other day.

[Exaspera]

Hokey Smokes! I'm glad you checked him out! And believe me, I am sure that you are not the first person he has fooled.

My charming sociopathic ex-con BIL was exactly the same way. He was in for embezzling funds.

Think of Ted Bundy and everything he got away with at first!

[Jester]

The sentence was served on Thursday, when he was absent for personal reasons, and he says he was deathly ill to his stomach on Friday and that's why he wasn't in then.

Yes, I can see why one might be sick to their stomach when they are in jail on drug charges.

As for the coworker, she wasn't showing her usual signs of trying to chat him up and the like, so maybe her interest doesn't go beyond "jumping him in a heartbeat", as she said the other day.

Maybe, but do you want to take that gamble? Seriously, talk to her. If she was that interested in him the other day, she probably still is, even if her outward signs did not indicate it. Let her know what you know so she doesn't make any uninformed choices.

My charming sociopathic ex-con BIL was exactly the same way. He was in for embezzling funds.

Think of Ted Bundy and everything he got away with at first!

Oh, stop. Let's not compare idiot drug peddlers and manipulative thieves with Ted freakin' Bundy, okay?

[ShinyGreenApple]

The boss has been trusting him with power tools since day 1. If he wanted to rampage and kill us all, he's had plenty of chances. :lol:

[Exaspera]

Oh, stop. Let's not compare idiot drug peddlers and manipulative thieves with Ted freakin' Bundy, okay?

All I'm saying is that he was handsome and charming, too.

And please gimme back my head.

[ShinyGreenApple]

Just thought I'd let everyone know; he fessed up today to us that he was in trouble for trafficking. So the ball's out of my court and no one has to know that I nosed around and found this out sooner, lol. Huzzah!

[Andara Bledin]

Is it weird that I think it's a positive thing that he came clean about why he was out? :shrug:

^-.-^

[BookstoreEscapee]

Is it weird that I think it's a positive thing that he came clean about why he was out? :shrug:

^-.-^

I agree with you but I still wouldn't date him...

[Jester]

Just thought I'd let everyone know; he fessed up today to us that he was in trouble for trafficking. So the ball's out of my court and no one has to know that I nosed around and found this out sooner, lol. Huzzah!

That is excellent! The question is, why did he do this? Did the employer question the validity of his excuse for the work days he missed?

Is it weird that I think it's a positive thing that he came clean about why he was out?

Not at all. After all, there is much positive about this. As stated above, SGA is in the clear for checking up on him. Also, she doesn't need to tell the other coworker that may be interested in him, as she now knows. Finally, there is the small possibility that he is trying to turn his life around and this is one of the first steps. And, if so, that is very much a good thing.

Though of course I still wouldn't date him. And not just because he's a guy and I'm not into that, but more because it is rather common for people who are trying to turn their life around to fall back into the old habits that got them into the shit and the drama in the first place. And who needs that?

[ShinyGreenApple]

That is excellent! The question is, why did he do this? Did the employer question the validity of his excuse for the work days he missed?

I think his excuse for the actual day he spent in court was personal reasons or somesuch, and he only told a group of us on break about his 'being in trouble'. I guess when you get probation, a phone call is made to your place of employment to let them know, and he's worried he'll lose his job. He gave them the number of the guy who is directing remodel, who I'm pretty sure knows the real story. Lead guy likes R's work, and I have to admit, the guy does not mess around at work and does what he does well. Lead told R that if this store doesn't keep him, he's welcome to apply at his home store. I mean hell, you have to pass a drug test for the Mart to employ you, so I doubt the guy has used in a while if that's his thing. Like you said, not that it doesn't mean he won't slip right back into old habits, but I think he should be allowed to work as long as he's clean and dependable. I also don't doubt the ER story; if he didn't have a genuine illness, he may have had some sort of breakdown, who knows.

And yeah, while I sure as hell ain't gonna be holding hands anymore or bringing him home to meet the parents, I was impressed that he admitted that in front of us like that. He's been acting really bothered since last week.

[ShinyGreenApple]

Ok . . . a little update.

I watch his page on a social networking site and it seems that he was set up in February and dealing drugs is not something he did before or made a habit of doing. While it was still dumb that he let himself get caught up in that . . . is it wrong that I'm kind of interested in him again? Most of remodel was offered permanent jobs within the store so I still see him fairly often, and if we're on lunch at the same time, he'll ask me to join him (We never go anywhere, just sit outside) and we talk about this, that, and everything.

Am I going to get myself in a world of emotional trouble if I keep doing this and even seeking him out at times?

[tollbaby]

Stop stalking him on social networking sites, and forget about this guy. Trouble once, likely trouble always.

I was dating a guy who got a DUI.... I should have just ditched him then. After DUI Number two, I told him he was a dumbass if he didn't know that once you've been convicted, it's zero tolerance for blood alcohol levels. We broke up shortly thereafter. He's currently on DUI number four, lost his license, and he's in jail. *sigh* idiot.

[trailerparkmedic]

Am I going to get myself in a world of emotional trouble if I keep doing this and even seeking him out at times?

Yes.

I don't believe that he was set up. Even on the tiny, tiny, tiny chance that he was, what does it show about his judgement to even be in a situation where getting arrested for dealing DATE RAPE DRUGS is a possiblity? Do you want to date someone with very bad judgement? There are plenty of non-skeezy guys out there, believe it or not.

[Plaidman]

You will be burned by this. Don't do it.

[Solumina]

From the looks of things he doesn't really seem like a bad person but he does seem to lack judgment and common sense so I'd strongly caution against a romantic relationship. By all means continue to be nice and friendly with him, just keep in mind that he has done questionable things and may again do questionable things (though not necessarily the same things as in the past).

[Jester]

...it seems that he was set up in February and dealing drugs is not something he did before or made a habit of doing.

You realize, of course, that everyone in prison is innocent? You don't believe me? Just go ask them. They'll tell you.

I have heard "woe is me" and "I was set up" tales from all kinds of scumballs and sleazebags. Rapists, drug dealers, domestic abusers, burglars, car thieves, etc. 99.99% of the time, they are as full of shit as a port-o-john at a Phish concert.

. . . is it wrong that I'm kind of interested in him again?

Wrong? No. Misguided? Yes.

Am I going to get myself in a world of emotional trouble if I keep doing this and even seeking him out at times?

In a single word: Yes.

[Ree]

Why are you depending on the opinions of a bunch of "strangers" and armchair experts on an internet forum who do not even know the guy or his situation, and have never actually met you?

I think you already know what to do. I think, in your heart, you realize that it's not a good situation, or you wouldn't be seeking advice and validation for your feelings. :shrug:

[BookstoreEscapee]

You realize, of course, that everyone in prison is innocent? You don't believe me? Just go ask them. They'll tell you.

Red: "..only guilty man in Shawshank."

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I suspect you know the answer to this already, or else you would not be asking.

Why would you sign up for all this baggage? He,s not that hot.

No, it doesn,t matter I have never met him, nobody is hot enough to make up for that amount of horseshit.

There are no exceptions to this rule.

[Plaidman]

I suspect you know the answer to this already, or else you would not be asking.

Why would you sign up for all this baggage? He,s not that hot.

No, it doesn,t matter I have never met him, nobody is hot enough to make up for that amount of horseshit.

There are no exceptions to this rule.

Except me. I am that hot. I'm just that awesome.

[Taboo]

Except me. I am that hot. I'm just that awesome.

Well, you are that awesome.

But you're also not that stupid to get yourself in that situation, so there's that.

Look, SGA, when you're having this many doubts, it sounds like you're still having bad vibes about this. And it doesn't sound like a good situation. Trust your gut here; when you're getting bad vibes, it's for a reason.

[Bella_Vixen]

Red: "..only guilty man in Shawshank."

You beat me to it. :cry:

[BookstoreEscapee]

You beat me to it. :cry:

Sorry! :wave:

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Except me. I am that hot. I'm just that awesome.


:)

Mainly, because we don't have to worry about you being who you present yourself as. Unlike the guy in the OP, who may or may not be dangerous an who is probably lying, at least about something.

First guy who was in-your-face honest with me? Married him. ;)