Last Jewish Cowboy
01-10-2007, 08:26 PM
Bad language, sorry.
Men kissing Men
Years ago I managed a video and music store. It was, for the most part a good job. There were the normal SCs who I tried my best to disarm with wit and charm. Then there were the people who just wanted to make a scene.
I though for sure this I would get fired by the corporate boss after this stunt. To this day I don’t know what came over me. I guess I just snapped.
M – Me ( the hero, maybe)
E – Erik (co-worker)
SC – Rude lady
I was at the counter checking in videos. Customers would often come up and ask questions. Being a slow day I was much happier than normal. Low stress=good mood. Erik worked the till and hummed a happy song. Things were right in the world.
An older woman walked up the counter with a DVD in her hand. She had that walk of a person with a purpose. I knew my good day was coming to an end.
SC – I want my money back!
She tossed a DVD on the counter. Nice, strike one.
M – Did it not work?
SC – It worked fine, it was just the most vile movie I have ever seen. Vile and sick.
M – We don’t give a credit if you don’t like the movie, sorry. I would be happy to help you locate a movie you might like more.
SC – What! Are you crazy? I said this is filth. I want it pulled form your store.
M - ……..
SC – NOW!
I picked up the DVD and checked it in. It was late. The movie was Big Daddy.
M – How was this offensive?
SC – Two men kissed. That’s wrong. It’s wrong in society. It’s wrong before God. It’s horrible, horrible, and horrible!
She was turning red and getting louder.
M – Well as I said we don’t give credits because a customer dislikes the movie……
SC – This is not about content. It’s wrong and evil. These fags are here to destroy us with their AIDS! You will do what I want.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Erik turn around. Now Erik is a great guy and he kisses men. He was turning red too. I thought I should defuse this and quick.
M – Tell you what, I will credit your late fee and help you find a movie to your liking.
SC – GET ME YOUR MANAGER!
M – I am the manager.
SC – Pull this fag loving movie from your shelves!
M – I have a better idea.
I will never know why I did what I did. I yanked Erik over and kissed him. It was not much of a kiss. I only kiss girls and he kisses boys but I kissed him.
SC – AARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
She screamed. The girl working music started running up. I waved her off. The SC looked like she was being electrified with all the twitching. She grabbed a customer comment card and ran out the door. I mean a full sprint.
M – Shit she’s going to complain to corporate. Erik?
Erik had fallen to his knees laughing.
M – Stop it.
Erik – Can’t.
M – What did you see today?
Erik – Nothing (he was almost crying) Nothing man.
M – I’m gonna get fired.
Erik – No one saw anything. Can you man the till I can’t get up.
M – Sure. Hey don’t tell Sarah (my girlfriend).
Erik – Maybe….. (He never did)
I still thank my lucky stars we were dead that day.
Fallout
Two weeks later the regional manager paid a visit. It was the normal sales and personal meeting. At the end of it he seemed to get uncomfortable.
RM – I had a complaint card mailed to me about clerks kissing and I was wondering………
M – I always tell the staff not to be affectionate with their boyfriends of girlfriends. I will mention it again in the next store meeting.
RM – It was, well, a boy, boy kiss.
M – Weird.
RM – The card also said something about dirty movies and going to hell.
M – Did the card have a phone number on it? I would be happy to give them a call. (Talk about a bluff)
RM – No. Please just keep an eye out.
M – Sure.
I was so relieved. I though I was getting fired. Somehow the corporate people always seem know more than they let on.
I told Erik I was in the clear.
He celebrated by putting on a Ricky Martin tee shirt that was two sizes to small, making the music girl put Ricky Martin’s CD on the store player and dancing around the store.
I never told Sarah ether………..
Men kissing Men
Years ago I managed a video and music store. It was, for the most part a good job. There were the normal SCs who I tried my best to disarm with wit and charm. Then there were the people who just wanted to make a scene.
I though for sure this I would get fired by the corporate boss after this stunt. To this day I don’t know what came over me. I guess I just snapped.
M – Me ( the hero, maybe)
E – Erik (co-worker)
SC – Rude lady
I was at the counter checking in videos. Customers would often come up and ask questions. Being a slow day I was much happier than normal. Low stress=good mood. Erik worked the till and hummed a happy song. Things were right in the world.
An older woman walked up the counter with a DVD in her hand. She had that walk of a person with a purpose. I knew my good day was coming to an end.
SC – I want my money back!
She tossed a DVD on the counter. Nice, strike one.
M – Did it not work?
SC – It worked fine, it was just the most vile movie I have ever seen. Vile and sick.
M – We don’t give a credit if you don’t like the movie, sorry. I would be happy to help you locate a movie you might like more.
SC – What! Are you crazy? I said this is filth. I want it pulled form your store.
M - ……..
SC – NOW!
I picked up the DVD and checked it in. It was late. The movie was Big Daddy.
M – How was this offensive?
SC – Two men kissed. That’s wrong. It’s wrong in society. It’s wrong before God. It’s horrible, horrible, and horrible!
She was turning red and getting louder.
M – Well as I said we don’t give credits because a customer dislikes the movie……
SC – This is not about content. It’s wrong and evil. These fags are here to destroy us with their AIDS! You will do what I want.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Erik turn around. Now Erik is a great guy and he kisses men. He was turning red too. I thought I should defuse this and quick.
M – Tell you what, I will credit your late fee and help you find a movie to your liking.
SC – GET ME YOUR MANAGER!
M – I am the manager.
SC – Pull this fag loving movie from your shelves!
M – I have a better idea.
I will never know why I did what I did. I yanked Erik over and kissed him. It was not much of a kiss. I only kiss girls and he kisses boys but I kissed him.
SC – AARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
She screamed. The girl working music started running up. I waved her off. The SC looked like she was being electrified with all the twitching. She grabbed a customer comment card and ran out the door. I mean a full sprint.
M – Shit she’s going to complain to corporate. Erik?
Erik had fallen to his knees laughing.
M – Stop it.
Erik – Can’t.
M – What did you see today?
Erik – Nothing (he was almost crying) Nothing man.
M – I’m gonna get fired.
Erik – No one saw anything. Can you man the till I can’t get up.
M – Sure. Hey don’t tell Sarah (my girlfriend).
Erik – Maybe….. (He never did)
I still thank my lucky stars we were dead that day.
Fallout
Two weeks later the regional manager paid a visit. It was the normal sales and personal meeting. At the end of it he seemed to get uncomfortable.
RM – I had a complaint card mailed to me about clerks kissing and I was wondering………
M – I always tell the staff not to be affectionate with their boyfriends of girlfriends. I will mention it again in the next store meeting.
RM – It was, well, a boy, boy kiss.
M – Weird.
RM – The card also said something about dirty movies and going to hell.
M – Did the card have a phone number on it? I would be happy to give them a call. (Talk about a bluff)
RM – No. Please just keep an eye out.
M – Sure.
I was so relieved. I though I was getting fired. Somehow the corporate people always seem know more than they let on.
I told Erik I was in the clear.
He celebrated by putting on a Ricky Martin tee shirt that was two sizes to small, making the music girl put Ricky Martin’s CD on the store player and dancing around the store.
I never told Sarah ether………..