What's wrong with this picture? (CAUTION! Female stuff!) [Archive]

Sparky

04-28-2011, 09:08 PM

Some of these stories about pregnancy reminded me of this story. It was a small thing, but ... :headscratch:

I was having some minor surgery. I had to go to the hospital the day before to have blood drawn, etc.

Nurse: Have you ever had surgey before?
Me: I had my tubes tied ten years ago.

-- a few more questions --

Nurse: Okay, I need a urine sample. Here's a cup and you can use the restroom here.
Me: (embarrassed) Oh, gee. I just started my period and I'm really bleeding a lot. Can you note that on the cup so they don't return it as abnormal if there's blood in my urine?
Nurse: (dismissively) Oh, it's just for a pregnancy test.

Me: Thinks WTF? I just told you that I was (1) sterilized and (2) actively un-pregnant!

42_42_42

04-29-2011, 12:58 AM

The second fact is definitely a fail on her part. The first, not so much, it's rare, but women have become pregnant years after having their tubes tied.

I've had both of my ovaries removed due to benign tumors and I still have to give the pg test urine sample whenever I go to the OBGYN, and this is the dr that did the surgeries.

My mom's had a complete hysterectomy and is in her early 60s and her gyno still does the test on her, too.

Seems like a waste of tests to me.

shankyknitter

04-29-2011, 01:21 AM

I had to take one yesterday to get my IUD. Now in case you didn't know they make you go in when you're menstruating to get it IUD. The nurse told me to go pee in the cup for the pregnancy test and I gave her a look and she went "I know, I know it's dumb as hell we know you're not pregnant, now just go pee so we can mark you negative already!" :lol:

Ghel

04-29-2011, 07:16 PM

It's also possible to "spot" when you're pregnant. From what I understand, it's not a good sign. My mom had that happen when she was pregnant with me, and especially since she miscarried her first baby, they kept a close eye on her until I was born.

LillFilly

04-29-2011, 10:48 PM

Yeahhhh...It's silly, and I can see that people wouldn't like getting charged for the service, but it's probably standard for every woman. I suppose there's the smmaaalllest chance that you can still get pregnant after certain procedures, better safe than sorry.

Seshat

04-30-2011, 12:27 PM

My brother and I are both 'miracle babies'. Apparently my mother's tubes were so blocked she should have been infertile.

Two kids later....

Sapphire Silk

04-30-2011, 09:34 PM

My brother and I are both 'miracle babies'. Apparently my mother's tubes were so blocked she should have been infertile.

Two kids later....

Yup, me too. Mom supposedly had calcified ovaries and wasn't supposed to get pregnant, either.

Here I am! :D :devil:

Becks

05-01-2011, 05:58 AM

Mommy was on the Pill when she got pregnant with me and Lizziebeff. :wave:

Marmalady

05-01-2011, 06:35 AM

A woman I worked with some years back had a period, not just just spotting but a period, for the first five months when she was pregnant with her last child.
Her doctor kept insisting that because of that, she couldn't be pregnant - until the baby kicked the stethoscope out of his hand during an examination.

doogiej

05-01-2011, 03:42 PM

I had bleeding that was like a period for the first few months of my pregnancy with my fourth. I already knew I was pregnant though. The morning sickness that lasted for months was a good clue.

I also had a friend that had regular period like bleeding during her pregnancies with all 3 of her kids. She didn't find out she was pregnant with her first until she was 5 months pregnant because of that.

Mind you, we both also joke that her 11 year old is a tumor and my 6 year old is a UTI/figment of my imagination because that's what the doctors told us before we found out we were pregnant.

NateTheChops

05-01-2011, 06:13 PM

My mom didn't go that far. She seemed to believe that the sheer power of, "Not having another child." was enough to keep her from getting pregnant. Then my sister came along...

KMMCurly

05-01-2011, 10:07 PM

One of my friends mom got pregnant after having her tubes done. Apparently it wasn't done right and it healed itself.

Caused a huge scandal with her in-laws, some said she only pretended to have it done so she could trick her hubby into having another baby. They only backed off when she got proof and an apology from the hospital.

MoonCat

05-01-2011, 10:58 PM

My mom had some bleeding with her pregnancies. Had four healthy kids.

But giving someone who had a hysterectomy a pregnancy test? Where would they be carrying a baby...in a back pocket??

42_42_42

05-02-2011, 03:28 AM

:shrug: Sometimes I think the doctor's staff just get into a rote pattern and don't look at the patient's record before doing the standard practice of doing certain tests. Realistically, neither my mom nor I should ever have to prove we're not pregnant as neither of us can get pregnant (okay, I could go to a doctor and get a donor embryo emplanted, but I'd remember doing that) after having some or all of the required bits removed.

As for birth control, my sister has had 5 pregnancies and 4 children. Four were all conceived whilst she was on some form of BC. Child 2 was conceived while she was on the pill and breastfeeding child 1. Child 3 and Child 4 while she was on the shot and the 5th pregnancy (ectopic, so didn't result in a child) while using condoms and spermacidal foam. So, BC isn't exactly 100%....

Dragon_Dreamer

05-02-2011, 09:12 PM

A friend of mine from #callahans was repeatedly told she had a bladder infection. She already was very overweight (thyroid issues), has fibromyalgia and PCOS, and her time of the month is very irregular to begin with. She was in so much pain one night, she was rushed to the hospital... and ended up giving birth to a baby boy.

The doctors involved did get sued. Not sure if she won, though.

CaroPhoenix

05-02-2011, 09:46 PM

MiLNotaRum:

Mr. Rum was the "What do you mean I'm pregnant you told me I could never get pregnant!" baby.

BiL#1 was the "What do you mean I'm pregnant - I'm on birth control and hubs is using condoms!" baby.

BiL#2 was the "Oh f:censored:k I'm pregnant! Time for one of us to get snipped" baby.

:D

Sapphire Silk

05-02-2011, 11:23 PM

My mom had some bleeding with her pregnancies. Had four healthy kids.

But giving someone who had a hysterectomy a pregnancy test? Where would they be carrying a baby...in a back pocket??

Well . . . . it is possible to have an ectopic pregnancy in the abdominal cavity. If the egg misses the fallopian tube, and the sperm makes its way out . . . it's been known to happen. The placenta attaches to the abdominal wall, or organs, and babies have come to term (usually with birth defects, but that's another story).

So if she just had her uterus out but still has her ovaries, and there were some sort of fistula in the vagina . . . it COULD happen.

Hermione

05-04-2011, 03:26 AM

You know, I think I DID hear of a lady in the UK who had a healthy baby that grew in her abdomen.

I had my ovaries out when I was 6. I usually tell the preop phlebotomist or surgeon don't bother running the pregnancy test, cuz I don't wanna have to pay for it, lol. On the other hand, if it WERE positive, that would indicate probably cancer, so I guess I'll let it slide. I did when I had my gallbladder out recently.

teh_blumchenkinder

05-04-2011, 04:29 AM

Yeah-- that alone is when I say it's silly for a test to be done: when there are no ovaries.
I read enough stuff like this board/thread, and enough medical information, to be dangerous.
But getting a pee test when you're a guy or effectively sexless is silly.
BUT like Hermione said-- cancer. And other bizarre stuff only people like Panacea know about. :)

blas

05-04-2011, 06:23 AM

As stupid as it sounds, the lack of consistency or reason it makes no sense is most likely because either the nurses don't update their records the way they should, or the doctors don't look at any notes about you BEFORE they see you.

At the clinic I go to, I spend several minutes in a room where a nurse is supposedly updating my info (weight, blood pressure, if anything has changed, new ailments, etc etc, typing in that I am still on whatever BC I say I am on), and yet, it NEVER fails...the doc comes in and will either ask if I've had a pregnancy test yet today or what BC I am on.

For the record, I blame the doctors, because I witness the nurses updating the stuff. Unless they did something wrong or the system has continual failures, it's not their fault.

Sapphire Silk

05-04-2011, 02:53 PM

For the record, I blame the doctors, because I witness the nurses updating the stuff. Unless they did something wrong or the system has continual failures, it's not their fault.

Blame our insurance system, that forces doctors to keep appointments to 10-15 minutes and leaves them without the time to properly review records before seeing the patient.

ShadowBall

05-05-2011, 04:13 AM

I've read about abdominal pregnancy too - apparently, even if you have no uterus, if sperm happen to find an egg floating to and fro in your abdomen and it fertilizes, there's a chance it will plant itself onto another organ or the wall of the abdomen and grow.

Another fun one is phantom pregnancy, which occurs usually if the lady either really wants to be pregnant or really does NOT want to be. You get symptoms, which can even include a distended belly. But there's nothing in there. That's some freaky shit. I recall some lady online talking about how she had a third-trimester abdominal pregnancy, but that also, this fetus was elusive and could not be seen at all with an ultrasound. I don't know if the woman was just attention-whoring or if she genuinely believed she was incubating a ghost-child, but she updated a lot about the mean doctors who doubted her maternal intuition about her baby that they and their hi-tech machinery could not see.

I'd bet that even if you were a man who became a woman via surgery (transgender? I'm not good with the "trans-" lifestyle choice words; I get them confused), you'd have to pee in the cup for their dumb asses.

The fun thing is sometimes when you get a pee test, you might even get a false result. Like you're pregnant and the test comes back as negative. Or, more rarely, you're not pregnant and you get a false positive. Don't you just love being a woman sometimes? :rolleyes:

Zaiida

05-05-2011, 07:11 AM

The fun thing is sometimes when you get a pee test, you might even get a false result. Like you're pregnant and the test comes back as negative. Or, more rarely, you're not pregnant and you get a false positive. Don't you just love being a woman sometimes? :rolleyes:

I've had a false negative and a false postive with home tests from 10 years ago. Weird combinations of a strange reaction the pill, bad PCOS and a small tumour, so my old doc said. Now OTC tests are a lot better. I can't believe there are some out there that can pick up a pregnancy at 2-3 weeks.

blas

05-05-2011, 10:43 AM

Sapphire Silk

05-05-2011, 11:54 AM

Hysteric pregnancies? I thought it was "soap opera magic", I didn't know that was real!

I've had a positive home pregnancy test result before. Let's just say, I'm never wasting money for the closest thing to a heart attack again. I'll go to the clinic and pay my copay just to know the truth.

Oh, yes. They're real. We've got a lady who keeps coming to the OB unit where I do my clinic claiming she's pregnant and in labor. She's not.

They think she's a hysterical pregnancy . . . but are also concerned she may be considering stealing a baby. Hence, the staff have been warned about her, and if she keeps it up is going to end up banned from the hospital or taken to jail for trespassing.

Becks

05-06-2011, 12:26 AM

Hysteric pregnancies? I thought it was "soap opera magic", I didn't know that was real!

Mary Tudor had two of them.

MoonCat

05-06-2011, 12:37 AM

Well . . . . it is possible to have an ectopic pregnancy in the abdominal cavity. If the egg misses the fallopian tube, and the sperm makes its way out . . . it's been known to happen. The placenta attaches to the abdominal wall, or organs, and babies have come to term (usually with birth defects, but that's another story).

So if she just had her uterus out but still has her ovaries, and there were some sort of fistula in the vagina . . . it COULD happen.

Yeah, I've heard of that.

I've only got one tube myself. Turned out they were both longer than normal and one got bent over & tangled up, caused all kinds of pain and had to be removed. :rolleyes:

ArcticChicken

05-06-2011, 12:55 AM

Mary Tudor had two of them.

I thought one of them was uterine cancer. But I may have seen that in a movie. I can't remember for sure.

Bella_Vixen

05-06-2011, 03:56 AM

Mary Tudor had two of them.

I thought one of them was uterine cancer. But I may have seen that in a movie. I can't remember for sure.

I think you're both right. She had two, but the last one was actually cancer.

unholypet

05-14-2011, 09:38 AM

Me: (embarrassed) Oh, gee. I just started my period and I'm really bleeding a lot. Can you note that on the cup so they don't return it as abnormal if there's blood in my urine?
Nurse: (dismissively) Oh, it's just for a pregnancy test.

When I was interning for my degree, I was told not only for the weird pregnancies that they give you a test anyway, but that a lot of legal precautions are needed.

Especially when it involves possible offspring =/

As a side note, I have been on birth control since age 17. Why? For acne medication.

In spite of the same dermatologist giving me both meds, they had to test every time because legally, if I had gotten pregnant and not aborted and not been on birth control (because they will not give you the acne med without it), if the child had been born with a defect (which is almost a sure thing) I could have sued the doctor, his assistants, the pharmacist, and any other human involved in it for a ridiculous amount of money.

It's really crazy how things happen with the body.

TawnyMyst

05-14-2011, 01:06 PM

Little Retail Rabbit

05-14-2011, 01:12 PM

It's been medically proven that I'm barren and this is part of my medical record. Yet every year as part of my physical I'm required to take a pregnancy test and every time the nurse tells me that I'm not pregnant. Duh, I already knew that! I would be extremely shocked were I to be.

I can almost imagine that moment...

"You're not pregnant."

"Oh gee, I was really holding my breath there for a moment."

*facedesk*

Thuringwethyl

05-15-2011, 12:34 AM

Reyneth

05-15-2011, 12:38 AM

I would agree that requiring a pregnancy test for all women in the hospital was utterly stupid except...I read the "things my patients have taught me" thread over at some medical forum. The check-in people probably have little to no faith in humanity anymore.

This one?
http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=257985

That thread had me occupied for weeks. I'm sad I've finished reading it and it's not very active any more. :( It sure is good for some :lol: :cry: :eek: :jawdrop: :doh:

DGoddessChardonnay

05-15-2011, 03:54 AM

Mommy was on the Pill when she got pregnant with me and Lizziebeff. :wave:

Mine was too when she got pregnant with me. :wave:

But then that was the late 60's and The Pill (from what I've heard) didn't have the same rate of effectiveness back then as it does now.

Becks

05-15-2011, 05:40 AM

And in my mom's case, she was taking cold medicine.

dalesys

05-15-2011, 12:51 PM

If I was a member of the "Mandatory P-Test (8-80)" demographic I'd do a little shopping before showing up for my next appointment.

For an ...erm... "appliance"... (BeeMused could probably help in selection of the proper unit)

The box blurb would be along the line of:

"Der Fambly Juuls"
"Looks and feels like the real thing"
"Concealed attachment"
"Available in a variety of skin and hair colors"
"Authentic life-like action"

:angel:

Kara

05-16-2011, 04:46 PM

Here's something interesting that I realized after reading this thread (thanks Pedersen). Even if it is 100% impossible for a woman to be pregnant at the time of whatever test or procedure, protocol requires a pregnancy test on all females for said test/procedure. Because they need proof, so that a random fluke didn't happen, and now they're facing a lawsuit (sadly they're not as concerned with potentially harming the baby, they're covering their asses).

With that in mind...

Once I have "legally" changed my gender, there will be times when I may need some minor procedure done or a even particular medication or whatever, and since the system will have me identified as female, they will be required to give me a pregnancy test. I never thought of that before now :lol:

SuperRTL

05-16-2011, 04:57 PM

Heh, I was a Pill baby and so was my son. My daughter was the result of the only day in a 3 month span when my hubby and I were both awake and in the same room for a 5 minute span of time. No trouble pin-pointing the date of conception for the doc. I actually knew I was pregnant about 2 months before any of the tests came back positive.

I have been sterilized since but, yep, still the pee test. My grandmother died of ovarian cancer that they thought, for a while, was a baby. Because the test came back positive and the tumor was the size of a fetus at about 16 weeks. I have no problem peeing in that cup, even after I'm old and cobwebby down there.

Sapphire Silk

05-16-2011, 09:47 PM

With that in mind...

Once I have "legally" changed my gender, there will be times when I may need some minor procedure done or a even particular medication or whatever, and since the system will have me identified as female, they will be required to give me a pregnancy test. I never thought of that before now :lol:

I'm assuming you're going from female to male? In which case it makes perfect sense, as not all women who transgender get a hysterectomy . . . to wit one gentleman who chose to get pregnant because his wife could not. http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=6244878&page=1.

Kara

05-17-2011, 03:34 AM

No, going the other way, actually.

Sapphire Silk

05-17-2011, 11:54 AM

No, going the other way, actually.

Sounds like you're already there: I thought you were already female :) Of course, that is the whole point . . . .

Flying Grype

05-19-2011, 04:50 PM

Mind you, we both also joke that her 11 year old is a tumor

http://www.absoluteanime.com/black_jack/pinoko.htm

http://www.absoluteanime.com/black_jack/pinoko%5B2%5D.jpg
:)

Teefies2

05-29-2011, 06:40 AM

Dumb questions abound in hospitals ... to wit ....

In LDR to have my first child, clearly pregnant and in active labor. Nurse asks "Is there any chance you might be pregnant"? Umm ya think? I'm here in YOUR LDR having a baby - hmmm could I be pregnant??????

Misanthropical

05-29-2011, 03:25 PM

I was told I could not have children because of something that had happened to me, so I was heart broken for years knowing I would never be someone's mother.

However, you all know that there are people running around who call me "mom".

The big guy: He hid from the blood tests for months. Plus, I was using a IUD and birth control. I was told I was just stressed out from the house fire we had. That stress is now 18 years old and graduating high school. Plus, he is the greatest most sweetest big guy you could ever meet.

Baby Girl: I had a stillborn between the big guy and her, so she was automatically a high risk pregnancy since they "claim" they have no idea why I had a stillborn. However, they first tried to say to me about her that I was just stressed and depressed from having to bury my son and to go home and relax. The heart break and stress is now 15 and in high school and the greatest daughter in the world!

The little guy: I was on the pill. I was stressed to the max about a car accident I had been in that had totaled my van and I was taking a pain medication. I was told I was stressed from all the above and to relax and don't worry about. When my guy showed up on the PG test the doc ran back in the room to tell me to stop taking the pain meds RIGHT NOW because I was PG. I thought it was a joke at first, but nope, the stress from the car accident is going on 13 years old, in middle school and the sweetest little guy in the world.

I did call the doctors who told me I would never get pregnant to tell them I am the mother of three children.

I had my tubes fixed, take birth control and doctors still want me to pee in the cup even knowing that information. I tell people if I get pregnant I am naming the kid "Harry Houdini" :eek:

Jay 2K Winger

05-30-2011, 06:04 AM

I tell people if I get pregnant I am naming the kid "Harry Houdini" :eek:

How about "Harry Copperfield Blackstone"? ;)
(Points for reference.)

Dasota

05-30-2011, 01:54 PM

How about "Harry Copperfield Blackstone"? ;)
(Points for reference.)

<3 Dresden. I was so sad that they pushed back the release date for the next book, but it's 3 days before my boyfriends birthday. Meaning, I can buy it, read it, and then give it to him for his birthday! Hehe ;)

Little Retail Rabbit

05-30-2011, 07:24 PM

wolfie

05-30-2011, 07:52 PM

"Oh no, no, this is just a bad case of gas!"

*face desk*

I wonder if anyone who'se been given that diagnosis wound up naming the kid "flatulence".

OT: I guess you've heard the joke about an angry person calling the radio/TV station, and swearing about the weather forecast after they finished shoveling 2 feet of "partly cloudy" off their porch.

Eisa

05-30-2011, 08:21 PM

Ironclad Alibi

05-30-2011, 09:19 PM

"Oh no, no, this is just a bad case of gas!"

*face desk*

Maybe the nurse was thinking of this commercial (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxLRzRKc6Og).

Misanthropical

05-30-2011, 11:18 PM

Ironclad Alibi you do know it's not nice to make someone who just had surgery laugh that hard! :p

Ironclad Alibi

05-31-2011, 02:42 AM

Ironclad Alibi you do know it's not nice to make someone who just had surgery laugh that hard! :p

Didn't you know laughter (http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/01/080124200913.htm) is (http://www.helpguide.org/life/humor_laughter_health.htm) the (http://www.umm.edu/features/laughter.htm) best (http://humor-world.blogspot.com/) medicine (http://www.google.com/search?q=laughter+is+the+best+medicine&hl=en&rls=com.microsoft:en-us:IE-Address&prmd=ivns&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=aVLkTb6AJoLY0QHl7uyVBw&ved=0CDwQsAQ&biw=1020&bih=708).

MoonCat

05-31-2011, 02:51 AM

^That reminds me of one day when the weather forecaster said that it was "a little breezy outside."

We looked outside. There were giant tree branches blowing down the street. :eek:

Little breezy, my ass. :p We lived right down the street from the TV station, too lol.

Yeah, TV weatherspeak:

Chilly = minus-40 degrees F
Breezy = 60-75 mph winds
Snow showers = 1-2 feet of snow
Damp = 3 inches of rain
And my favorite: "Blizzard-like" conditions; how this differs from an actual blizzard, I have yet to hear.

I listen to the report, translate from TV weathercast-fantasy into reality, and go on with life.

Ironclad Alibi

05-31-2011, 05:25 AM

Yeah, TV weatherspeak:

Chilly = minus-40 degrees F
Breezy = 60-75 mph winds
Snow showers = 1-2 feet of snow
Damp = 3 inches of rain
And my favorite: "Blizzard-like" conditions; how this differs from an actual blizzard, I have yet to hear.

I listen to the report, translate from TV weathercast-fantasy into reality, and go on with life.

I prefer all of the above to the phrase the local forecasters like to use: "wintery mix". "Wintery mix" refers to the combination of every bad thing possible about cold weather, and then some. Under "wintery mix" conditions, you take your life in your own hands if you even look outside, much less venture there.