Invasion of the Stupid Patients!

[Antisocial_Worker]

Patient 1: Man in his mid-30's sporting that oh-so-hip urban look wherein one wears one's pants halfway between one's waist and one's knees, to better show off one's fancy boxer shorts, and thereby forcing one to hold up one's pants with one's hand, lest one's pants drop to one's ankles.

This man had been brought in and was hooked up to a heart monitor, but at some point in the process he needed to use the bathroom, so he unhooked himself and off he went, holding up his pants and trailing the cord behind him. Rasta Nurse thought this was suspicious, and in fact thought the patient might be trying to escape.

He stopped the man and asked him where he was going, and when told it was only the bathroom, he told the man to carry the cord so that he, nor anyone else, would trip.

The man let go of his pants to pick up the cord, and his pants immediately dropped to his ankles. Now, with a decision to make, he decided to hold his pants up and went waddling off toward the bathroom again. Rasta Nurse told him again to carry the cord.

The response: "Then how'm I hol' up my pants, son?"

Rasta Nurse reports that there is no proper response to a question this stupid, and so he just turned and walked away.

Patient 2: Teenage girl is brought in. Rasta Nurse is to be her nurse for the night and goes in, introduces himself and asks her the fateful question.

"What brought you in tonight?"

"My church group," she answered.

Thinking perhaps she misheard and thought he had asked who had brought her in, he tried again.

"What are you doing here tonight?"

"We're on vacation," she said.

He checked her chart and saw a likely reason for coming to a hospital, and good thing -- because had he tried yet again and perhaps asked, "Why are you here?", her response would undoubtedly have been something like, "We drove a car up to the doors and they pushed me inside."

These were both from the same night, and not only that, these were not the only stupid patients to be seen last night... Unfortunately, the really good one would involve spilling some medical beans, which I can't do. Trust me though -- it was funny.

[jedimaster91]

The funniest ones are the ones you can never share. :p

[Moirae]

I really don't know what to say. These aren't just stupid, they're brain dead.

[MoonCat]

Did you do a brain scan on the girl....to see if she had one? :D

[Sapphire Silk]

Did you do a brain scan on the girl....to see if she had one? :D

Waste of radiation if you ask me.

[NateTheChops]

Patient 2:
"What brought you in tonight?"

"My church group," she answered.

Was a tall Swedish man, a shorter former Confederate soldier and his sassy blond haired girlfriend involved in any of this?


"What are you doing here tonight?"
"We're on vacation," she said.

And you don't sound like you had that good a time. So I repeat...

[Antisocial_Worker]

Was a tall Swedish man, a shorter former Confederate soldier and his sassy blond haired girlfriend involved in any of this?

Nope, just a dopey teenage girl and a dark-skinned black man with a cherub face. Not quite the dynamic duo, but they'll do in a pinch.

And you don't sound like you had that good a time. So I repeat...

You'd be surprised. This is a resort city and you would be amazed at the sheer creativity tourists use when injuring themselves. There is one perennial injury -- the ever popular plunge from the top of a waterfall -- though that we're so used to that, that some people have betting pools going on when the first one hits the news. Most years, the first one of the season happens in June.

[Seshat]

I live in Australia.

Tourists like to think they're Steve Irwin.

No, I wouldn't be surprised. :)

[Amina516]

The funniest ones are the ones you can never share. :p

Too true. :D

[dalesys]

The funniest ones are the ones you can never share. :p
At least until your sister's too feeble to...

Martha! Put that broom down! I'm not telling!




... yet ...

[Der Cute]

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=257985 Is ALWAYS entertaining

[Misanthropical]

Der Cute I had that site bookmarked but my hard drive decided it was time to die and I lost it, so thank you for the link! :)

[Antisocial_Worker]

Patient 3. Ever seen a movie or a TV show where someone attempts to crowd surf, only to have the crowd part like the Red Sea, causing the person attempting to crowd surf hit the ground with an undignified splat?

Yeah. That. Rasta Nurse saw a young man last night who came in to the ER having experienced exactly the situation I described.

"The crowd was supposed to catch me and move me along!" he wailed.

He wailed even more when he managed to reach his mother on the phone and she told him just how smart she thought it was to attempt to crowd surf. So there you have it: a young man with a knot on the back of his head blubbering into a phone from which a woman could be heard screaming invectives.

[Raveni]

He checked her chart and saw a likely reason for coming to a hospital, and good thing -- because had he tried yet again and perhaps asked, "Why are you here?", her response would undoubtedly have been something like, "We drove a car up to the doors and they pushed me inside."

I'm dying to know what the actual reason was. Drug related?

[thatcrazyredhead]

"Then how'm I hol' up my pants, son?"

Rasta Nurse reports that there is no proper response to a question this stupid, and so he just turned and walked away.

I disagree with Rasta Nurse on this one. The proper response to that question is: "With a belt, dumbass!" :p

[dalesys]

The response: "Then how'm I hol' up my pants, son?"
Surgical staples come to mind...:devil:

[Antisocial_Worker]

I'm dying to know what the actual reason was. Drug related?

No, it was a chronic health problem.

[Captain Trips]

I disagree with Rasta Nurse on this one. The proper response to that question is: "With a belt, dumbass!" :p

Actually, I thought "with your OTHER hand, dumbass!" would be a valid response, too.

[Seshat]

Suspenders. :) My Alpha Geek husband wears suspenders.

[Geek King]

Suspenders. :) My Alpha Geek husband wears suspenders.

If he also has a beard and pipe, he could be mistaken for a Unix Administrator in the wild. :lol: </computer humor>

[Seshat]

Beard, check.
Long, semi-kempt salt-and-pepper hair, check.
Pipe, used to, currently rolls his own.
Skilled POSIX administrator, check.
Looks like Alan Cox, check. (According to Telsa Gwynn)

[wolfie]

Suspenders. :) My Alpha Geek husband wears suspenders.

There are a fair number of British readers on CS, and I don't think you wanted to convey the impression that your husband was a cross-dresser.

North America: Suspenders are (usually) worn by men. They are used in place of a belt, to keep trousers (don't want to call them "pants", since that has a different meaning for Brits) from falling down. They attach to the waistband of the trousers in front and back, and go over the wearer's shoulders.

Britain: Suspenders are (usually) worn by women. They're what we in North America would call "garters", and are used to hold stockings up.

[Rapscallion]

North America: Suspenders are (usually) worn by men. They are used in place of a belt, to keep trousers (don't want to call them "pants", since that has a different meaning for Brits) from falling down. They attach to the waistband of the trousers in front and back, and go over the wearer's shoulders.

Over here, braces.

Rapscallion

[Kogarashi]

Over here, braces.

Rapscallion

Which, over here, would be the shiny metal things that go on your teeth to straighten them out.

Language is fun!

[Rapscallion]

Means that here as well. A brace is a support or binding, but it's also two in terms of a brace of pheasants.

Rapscallion