Kara
08-19-2011, 12:00 AM
So, as I posted last week, work decided they weren't going to stand behind their own policy as put forth by the state, and try to squash my rights. I was less than happy. I was pissed. And then I got motivated.
I started by sending friend invites to coworkers on FB who I already had as friends on my old account which I don't do much with anymore. I decided that since HR apparently wanted to just keep things quiet about me, even though everyone knows by now anyway, I'd put myself out there more. And within about 2 days, I had a dozen coworkers who were able to see the full scope of the "me" they haven't witnessed with their own eyes.
I put a ranty update on my status about how I felt wronged by what was happening. And the next day, I have a lot of coworkers asking me what's wrong, what happened. And the most common response I got when I told them that I was basically being told that I could NOT exercise my rights under the state's EEO policy pertaining to gender identity was, "That's bullshit. I don't see what the problem is." So now I had SEVERAL coworkers in my corner.
I emailed several state departments over the weekend, just trying to see what information I might be able to find to help my situation. Didn't get much, but a few tidbits of useful information that will help me down the road when I'm ready to take the final steps (having my name and gender legally changed).
A coworker did some digging and found that there is still nothing AT ALL in policy about standards of appearance to show that I did anything wrong or that I would be violating anything if I went against my HR Manager's "recommendation." She did a little MORE digging, and found me a direct line to the HR Manager for the entire Kansas Department of Corrections. She's like, a handful of bosses ABOVE my HR Manager. This afternoon, I called her. And I am SO glad I did.
I found out a lot. They're in new territory and they're scared. What they are MAINLY scared of is the bottom line. That is, if the permit me to express my gender identity, some inmate decides to stab me because of it, will I hold them liable since they allowed me to do it in the first place? No, of course not. But this is upper management we're dealing with here. She is actually sending stuff to Legal about which restrooms I should use, which is also unnecessary since almost all the staff restrooms in the facility are unisex. And they don't know what guidelines exist to allow me to change my name and gender marker at work. Because there are none.
My HR Manager was SUPPOSED to tell me a lot of this, not just, "Oh yeah, we're not gonna do anything. kthxbai." The fact is that they don't know what the hell to do and they're kind of freaking out a bit. She tried to give me a line about how it's their responsibility to keep me safe at work and this could make me a target, but I assured her I have considered this and would not dared to even bother coming out if I didn't think I could do my job every bit as well as I did before they knew I was a girl. She then told me that the "official" word was that I should be held to the standards of a male officer until my transition is complete. I said okay, but at what point would they consider my transition complete? She said she didn't know, and I thanked her for her honesty. I told her that I am taking hormones, which has caused and will continue to cause changes to my body, that my appearance even when I don't go all out (like, when I'm at work, for example) is VERY feminine anyway now, and that I am, for all intents and purposes, living as a woman 24/7. She hadn't considered this at all before now. Then she told me that she really doesn't know what to do. Again, I thanked her for her honesty. She said when my HR Manager first talked to her, she found and watched documentaries on transgender people to try and understand.
Not content to settle for, "We want you to do this, but we don't know why," I mentioned to her, as I had done for my HR Manager, that my counselor offered to write a letter stating that this is who I am and that living AND working as I am are part of the process necessary for my transition. I told her how my HR Manager said that wouldn't make a difference. But the head of KDOC HR stopped and said, "that would be helpful." Then she thought of a better idea. She asked if my counselor would be willing to meet with her, my HR Manager, and me, so we could all discuss this and set guidelines for what should and should not be acceptable, what can keep me both within my rights and within the policies of my employer. So, next month, we're going to do this. I left a message with my counselor, I know she'll be on board for this. They just want a "professional" to advise them. And that's fine with me.
I'm glad I called the state HR director. I have a better understanding of WHY they said what they did, and helped them to see that their recommendation isn't really that great. She acknowledged both that she is trying to balance my rights with my safety, and that it is VERY important we do this, with me being a part of the process, because it will affect future transgender officers based on what happens with me. And she even told me that she isn't downplaying how much bravery it took me to do this.
So in about a month, we're gonna have this meeting. Finally, after months of stalling, I got their attention and we're going to do something about it.
I started by sending friend invites to coworkers on FB who I already had as friends on my old account which I don't do much with anymore. I decided that since HR apparently wanted to just keep things quiet about me, even though everyone knows by now anyway, I'd put myself out there more. And within about 2 days, I had a dozen coworkers who were able to see the full scope of the "me" they haven't witnessed with their own eyes.
I put a ranty update on my status about how I felt wronged by what was happening. And the next day, I have a lot of coworkers asking me what's wrong, what happened. And the most common response I got when I told them that I was basically being told that I could NOT exercise my rights under the state's EEO policy pertaining to gender identity was, "That's bullshit. I don't see what the problem is." So now I had SEVERAL coworkers in my corner.
I emailed several state departments over the weekend, just trying to see what information I might be able to find to help my situation. Didn't get much, but a few tidbits of useful information that will help me down the road when I'm ready to take the final steps (having my name and gender legally changed).
A coworker did some digging and found that there is still nothing AT ALL in policy about standards of appearance to show that I did anything wrong or that I would be violating anything if I went against my HR Manager's "recommendation." She did a little MORE digging, and found me a direct line to the HR Manager for the entire Kansas Department of Corrections. She's like, a handful of bosses ABOVE my HR Manager. This afternoon, I called her. And I am SO glad I did.
I found out a lot. They're in new territory and they're scared. What they are MAINLY scared of is the bottom line. That is, if the permit me to express my gender identity, some inmate decides to stab me because of it, will I hold them liable since they allowed me to do it in the first place? No, of course not. But this is upper management we're dealing with here. She is actually sending stuff to Legal about which restrooms I should use, which is also unnecessary since almost all the staff restrooms in the facility are unisex. And they don't know what guidelines exist to allow me to change my name and gender marker at work. Because there are none.
My HR Manager was SUPPOSED to tell me a lot of this, not just, "Oh yeah, we're not gonna do anything. kthxbai." The fact is that they don't know what the hell to do and they're kind of freaking out a bit. She tried to give me a line about how it's their responsibility to keep me safe at work and this could make me a target, but I assured her I have considered this and would not dared to even bother coming out if I didn't think I could do my job every bit as well as I did before they knew I was a girl. She then told me that the "official" word was that I should be held to the standards of a male officer until my transition is complete. I said okay, but at what point would they consider my transition complete? She said she didn't know, and I thanked her for her honesty. I told her that I am taking hormones, which has caused and will continue to cause changes to my body, that my appearance even when I don't go all out (like, when I'm at work, for example) is VERY feminine anyway now, and that I am, for all intents and purposes, living as a woman 24/7. She hadn't considered this at all before now. Then she told me that she really doesn't know what to do. Again, I thanked her for her honesty. She said when my HR Manager first talked to her, she found and watched documentaries on transgender people to try and understand.
Not content to settle for, "We want you to do this, but we don't know why," I mentioned to her, as I had done for my HR Manager, that my counselor offered to write a letter stating that this is who I am and that living AND working as I am are part of the process necessary for my transition. I told her how my HR Manager said that wouldn't make a difference. But the head of KDOC HR stopped and said, "that would be helpful." Then she thought of a better idea. She asked if my counselor would be willing to meet with her, my HR Manager, and me, so we could all discuss this and set guidelines for what should and should not be acceptable, what can keep me both within my rights and within the policies of my employer. So, next month, we're going to do this. I left a message with my counselor, I know she'll be on board for this. They just want a "professional" to advise them. And that's fine with me.
I'm glad I called the state HR director. I have a better understanding of WHY they said what they did, and helped them to see that their recommendation isn't really that great. She acknowledged both that she is trying to balance my rights with my safety, and that it is VERY important we do this, with me being a part of the process, because it will affect future transgender officers based on what happens with me. And she even told me that she isn't downplaying how much bravery it took me to do this.
So in about a month, we're gonna have this meeting. Finally, after months of stalling, I got their attention and we're going to do something about it.