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View Full Version : Met a super secret top security clearence guy...


Sarlon
02-25-2012, 12:22 AM
Guys call comes in on the Lost/Stolen Line, meaning they just by passed the enter your card number to get to a live person.

Cast:

Me
Crazy super secret top clearance guy (CG for short)

Me: Thank you for calling (my company) this is Sarlon are you calling to report a lost or stolen card?

CG: Yeah I don't have a card since I lost it....can you look it up by something else?

Me: Certainly...I can look it up by your Social Security Number....(he gives it) alright thank you and how can I help you today?

CG: Yeah, um apperently this is the way the government is gonna be paying me for all the top Secret missions that I did for them, um can you tell me how much is in this account? The account number is 1245154110000000023261142012554812614.

me: :eek::confused::jawdrop: I'm sorry sir, but we don't handle personal accounts this is only for State Disability....

CG: nono you don't understand the government is finally paying me for all the top secret work I did for them....but instead of it being put into a check....its being put into this card....and the account number is 1245154110000000023261142012554812614. Supposed to have a few billion dollars in it since thats what they promised me! but since your in the conspiracy to keep my money from me I no longer want to talk to you!
*click*

5 minutes later my co worker sitting near me gets him again and gets an even bigger laugh cause now that the balance only shows $250 its a conspiracy to steal all his hard earned money from all the top secret work he did for the government.

Ironclad Alibi
02-25-2012, 12:31 AM
me: :eek::confused::jawdrop: I'm sorry sir, but we don't handle personal accounts this is only for State Disability....

You could have responded, "I'm sorry sir, but I am unable to look up that account because I do not have crazy super secret top clearance."

On the other hand, he does appear to have a mental disablility.

dalesys
02-25-2012, 12:44 AM
Me an mah buddy Chip stole all thet squirrel's nuts... 'Cept for the one between 'is ears.:angel:

lobo94
02-25-2012, 01:50 AM
Methinks that was Secret Squirrel. "grin" There's a man who leads a life of danger...with every mission, he gets stranger...

EricKei
02-25-2012, 02:01 AM
Sir...Sir! You were specifically instructed not to call this line! They're monitoring all of your calls, now we're all....*loud WHAM* SHIT! They've found us! *sounds of gunfire and screams* *line goes dead*

MoonCat
02-25-2012, 02:33 AM
What's really in his account?

Oh, yeah...$250.00


And a secret decoder ring.

Jay 2K Winger
02-25-2012, 02:44 AM
And a secret decoder ring.

"Be... Sure... To... Drink... Your... Ovaltine?"

emax4
02-25-2012, 05:25 AM
$250? I guess they don't pay those uber-top secret guys much these days.

RichS
02-25-2012, 03:45 PM
What's really in his account?

Oh, yeah...$250.00

And a secret decoder ring.

"Be... Sure... To... Drink... Your... Ovaltine?"

"A crummy $250.00?...Sonofab:censored:!"

:lol:

Bella_Vixen
02-25-2012, 07:40 PM
I could use $250. :cry:

Merriweather
02-25-2012, 08:40 PM
On the other hand, he does appear to have a mental disablility.

That was my thought, I assume you can draw disability benefits for mental as well as physical disabilities, I think we can safely guess which he has. :lol:
(ok, absolutely not making fun of mental disabilities, but c'mon, loony delusions are funny).


There's a man who leads a life of danger...with every mission, he gets stranger...

Ok, now I've got Johnny Rivers singing "Secret Agent Man" in my head, and I've a feeling it's gonna be there all day now. Maybe I'll go watch my boxed set of The Prisoner DVD's.......

Maybe his "billions" on his card are only accessible at The Village.......

DGoddessChardonnay
02-25-2012, 11:08 PM
Merriwether, I'll let you keep The Prisoner all for yourself if I get to keep Napoleon Solo. :p

Apparently Mr. DangerSuirrel doesn't understand that to be a secret agent requires *gasp* secrecy. :lol:

EricKei
02-26-2012, 01:20 AM
Apparently Mr. DangerSuirrel doesn't understand that to be a secret agent requires *gasp* secrecy. :lol:
Maybe he works out of Nunavut...*mumbles* "the passcode is....hot pink camo :confused:"

Argabarga
02-26-2012, 07:17 PM
I have at least one customer claim that he wouldn't give me any ID because he was employed by "the government" in an "undisclosible" field.

Uh huh...

Methinks if you really WERE a secret agent the first condition of your secret employment would be that you, ya know, KEEP IT SECRET.

I told him no ID, no car, and he forked it over.

lobo94
02-26-2012, 07:44 PM
Merriwether, I'll let you keep The Prisoner all for yourself if I get to keep Napoleon Solo. :p

Apparently Mr. DangerSuirrel doesn't understand that to be a secret agent requires *gasp* secrecy. :lol:

Neither did Austin Powers. I mean, a psychedelic-painted 747 that was also his flying bachelor pad? :lol:

"strokes his cat, 'Ms Bigglesworth,' as he decides which of his underlings will be used to set an example that failure will not be tolerated by this organization." :devil:

Merriweather
02-26-2012, 08:55 PM
Merriwether, I'll let you keep The Prisoner all for yourself if I get to keep Napoleon Solo. :p

Apparently Mr. DangerSuirrel doesn't understand that to be a secret agent requires *gasp* secrecy. :lol:

You can have Napoleon Solo, I always lusted after Illya Kuryakin :devil:

I watch NCIS partly because of Ducky. There was one episode, one of the guys asked the boss what Ducky was like when he was young, and he replied "a young Illya Kurakin". :roll:

Nonstop_Death
02-26-2012, 09:11 PM
Secret missions? Is it one of Gravekeeper's callers, Uncle Vick?

DGoddessChardonnay
02-27-2012, 01:40 AM
You can have Napoleon Solo, I always lusted after Illya Kuryakin :devil:

I watch NCIS partly because of Ducky. There was one episode, one of the guys asked the boss what Ducky was like when he was young, and he replied "a young Illya Kurakin". :roll:


That's my main reason for watching NCIS too.

Love that episode, BTW. I still crack up every time.:roll:

siskaren
02-27-2012, 04:25 AM
That's my main reason for watching NCIS too.

Love that episode, BTW. I still crack up every time.:roll:

Yeah, I love when TV shows give a wink to a star's previous show. ;) Like Castle has done several shout-outs to Firefly.

Just to be nitpicky though, I believe Gibbs was asked what did Ducky look like when he was younger, rather than what was he like.

Sonoma
02-27-2012, 06:06 AM
Reminds me of one of our delusional letter-writers when I worked for the car manufacturer. 10-page letters outlining how he was supposed to be getting bullet proof, missle-proof, armor plated SUVs, because he set up all of the manufacturing in the world. They were supposed to be delivered to a top-secret, undisclosed location.

TheCheerfulTreeRat
02-27-2012, 01:23 PM
Yeah, I love when TV shows give a wink to a star's previous show. ;)
In one episode of Scrubs (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0696583/)they actually used footage from The Fugitive (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106977/) and implied it was the Janitor, rather than Neil Flynn, playing the Transit Cop.

DGoddessChardonnay
02-27-2012, 03:08 PM
Reminds me of one of our delusional letter-writers when I worked for the car manufacturer. 10-page letters outlining how he was supposed to be getting bullet proof, missle-proof, armor plated SUVs, because he set up all of the manufacturing in the world. They were supposed to be delivered to a top-secret, undisclosed location.

:spew:

I now have coffee all over my laptop now trying to hear that conversation in my head.:eek::lol::roll::roll::roll::roll:

Shalom
02-27-2012, 04:11 PM
They were supposed to be delivered to a top-secret, undisclosed location.

If the location is undisclosed, how the hell are you supposed to deliver anything there?

PepperElf
02-27-2012, 07:29 PM
Methinks that was Secret Squirrel. "grin" There's a man who leads a life of danger...with every mission, he gets stranger...

OMG! Secret Squirrel! I have that on a patch! (http://milspecmonkey.com/store/patches/secret-squirrel) - in "swat" style.



let me guess, his uber secret job was "Space shuttle door gunner (http://milspecmonkey.com/store/patches/shuttledoorgunner)"?

(yes there's a patch for that one too - my bf has it). :-)

Ironclad Alibi
02-27-2012, 08:22 PM
Reminds me of one of our delusional letter-writers when I worked for the car manufacturer. 10-page letters outlining how he was supposed to be getting bullet proof, missle-proof, armor plated SUVs, because he set up all of the manufacturing in the world. They were supposed to be delivered to a top-secret, undisclosed location.

And of course you wrote back to him to say the requested vehicle was ready and waiting for him. Unfortunately, they wouldn't tell you where the top-secret, undisclosed location was, so you can't tell him.

AccountingDrone
02-27-2012, 09:28 PM
Ok, now I've got Johnny Rivers singing "Secret Agent Man" in my head, and I've a feeling it's gonna be there all day now. Maybe I'll go watch my boxed set of The Prisoner DVD's.......

Maybe his "billions" on his card are only accessible at The Village.......

Could be worse. Toledo Polkamotion does Secret Agent Man.

:cry:

Geek King
02-27-2012, 09:38 PM
Reminds me of one of our delusional letter-writers when I worked for the car manufacturer. 10-page letters outlining how he was supposed to be getting bullet proof, missle-proof, armor plated SUVs, because he set up all of the manufacturing in the world. They were supposed to be delivered to a top-secret, undisclosed location.

Funny, because the folks who do all the car mods for the US government, and many private parties have their shop not too far from Cincinnati here. The only time they have serious security is if they're working on on of the presidential escort limos, as the Secret Service doesn't want anyone to see what all the goodies are going into the cars. I do know at least one go-round of Secret Service SUVs had pop-up minigun turrets, like in that one Mythbusters episode. :D

DGoddessChardonnay
02-27-2012, 11:18 PM
I do know at least one go-round of Secret Service SUVs had pop-up minigun turrets, like in that one Mythbusters episode. :D

Sounds SO 1983 there . . . which reminds me of one of my stories where Lynda and Brenda got caught for speeding in a Cadillac Eldorado and when the state trooper asked Brenda to step out, she closed the driver's door a bit hard and the machine gun turrets popped out from behind the front headlights.:eek::lol:

Of course, neither sister knew how those 4 one-gallon jugs of Texas Well Water happened to be in the trunk either.:rolleyes::p

And on that note, I'll shut up because I'm probably sounding a lot like Ducky right about now . . .:lol:

lobo94
02-28-2012, 02:35 AM
Yeah, I love when TV shows give a wink to a star's previous show. ;) Like Castle has done several shout-outs to Firefly.

Just to be nitpicky though, I believe Gibbs was asked what did Ducky look like when he was younger, rather than what was he like.

I missed the part where Ilya talked to dead people. "grin"

Though an "UNCLE" episode involving THRUSH and the supernatural...maybe a crossover with "Friday the 13th:The Series"-interesting fanfic. Or maybe Napoleon and Ilya meet the Munsters, or the Addams Family? :roll: Considering that in the TV movie back in '83, they had George Lazenby driving around in an Aston Martin with the license plate, "JB"...

DGoddessChardonnay
02-28-2012, 11:49 PM
I missed the part where Ilya talked to dead people. "grin"

Though an "UNCLE" episode involving THRUSH and the supernatural...maybe a crossover with "Friday the 13th:The Series"-interesting fanfic. Or maybe Napoleon and Ilya meet the Munsters, or the Addams Family? :roll: Considering that in the TV movie back in '83, they had George Lazenby driving around in an Aston Martin with the license plate, "JB"...

That was pretty cool . . . (yes, I own a copy on DVD as well as the complete series:D)

While I've heard of crossovers being done, I can't say I've ever heard of an MFU/Munsters story. I did consider crossing them over with South Park at one time, but I seriously cannot fathom Illya Kuryakin putting up with Eric Cartman's mouth for any length of time. My opinion on that is that somebody could end up being buried alive . . .:eek::lol:

Could be done though depending on what the author has in mind. To me, when it comes to fanfic, anything is possible.;)

wolfie
03-01-2012, 01:08 PM
Funny, because the folks who do all the car mods for the US government, and many private parties have their shop not too far from Cincinnati here. The only time they have serious security is if they're working on on of the presidential escort limos, as the Secret Service doesn't want anyone to see what all the goodies are going into the cars. I do know at least one go-round of Secret Service SUVs had pop-up minigun turrets, like in that one Mythbusters episode. :D

Saw an item about one of those modified vehicles on the RISKS digest. Agent in Mexico got killed despite armoured Suburban. Got forced off the road, put it in "Park", and the door locks automatically unlocked. It seems someone had configured the "what to do when shifter gets put into park" option wrong after it left the armour place.

DGoddessChardonnay
03-01-2012, 01:51 PM
Saw an item about one of those modified vehicles on the RISKS digest. Agent in Mexico got killed despite armoured Suburban. Got forced off the road, put it in "Park", and the door locks automatically unlocked. It seems someone had configured the "what to do when shifter gets put into park" option wrong after it left the armour place.

The tampering with the configuration could have been done remotely with a computer.

It's amazing these days what computers can be used for. They ain't just for hacking and watching porn anymore.:p

Jay 2K Winger
03-01-2012, 03:53 PM
It's amazing these days what computers can be used for. They ain't just for hacking and watching porn anymore.:p

Indeed! Bodily harm (http://static.fjcdn.com/gifs/Keyboard_cfc99b_278332.gif), for example! (DISCLAIMER: possibly NSFW due to language)

lobo65
03-02-2012, 02:50 PM
That's my main reason for watching NCIS too.

Love that episode, BTW. I still crack up every time.:roll:

I also liked his 1970's series "The Invisible Man", but I rarely encounter anyone who remembers it.

DGoddessChardonnay
03-03-2012, 10:59 PM
I also liked his 1970's series "The Invisible Man", but I rarely encounter anyone who remembers it.

You remember that one too??:eek:

SciFi used to show that some years back . . . I was able to get most of the episodes on VHS that way (only ran for 13 weeks back in the 1975-76 season.):D

Update: just searched on Amazon and it's coming out on DVD this spring!!! (http://www.amazon.com/Invisible-Man-Complete-David-McCallum/dp/B005GYXN2M/ref=sr_1_3?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1330815670&sr=1-3) :super:

lobo94
03-04-2012, 01:05 AM
I also liked his 1970's series "The Invisible Man", but I rarely encounter anyone who remembers it.

I saw it in Albuquerque, NM, 1983. Channel 23. The first episode, or maybe a TV movie that led to the series.

FuzzyKitten99
03-05-2012, 10:41 PM
5 minutes later my co worker sitting near me gets him again and gets an even bigger laugh cause now that the balance only shows $250 its a conspiracy to steal all his hard earned money from all the top secret work he did for the government.

By any chance, did this guy live in Minnesota?

Sarlon
03-05-2012, 10:43 PM
Legal reasons I can't say where....but the answer is no.