View Full Version : Some law jokes
03-08-2007, 02:38 PM
1: A man is driving down the street when he strikes a old man crossing the street. During the trial, the man's lawyer tells the jury to take a look at the man's driving record. In twenty years he never even had a parking ticket and thus the old man clearly jumped in the way of the car, and indeed it is true about the driving record. The old man's lawyer nods, and goes up to the jury.
"Following the logical of the defendent, take a look at the old man's record. In sixty years he's never been hit by a car!"
2: A boxer gets drunk at the bar, and preceeds to beat the crap at all the bar drinkers and bartenders. During the trial, his lawyer proclaims that the boxer was just practing the craft, and thus shouldn't go to jail. The judge nods. "I won't send him to jail, but he can practice his craft for 500,000 rounds in prison...."
3: A man goes mad and proceeds to go on a killing rampage, before being subdued. During his trial, his lawyer relizes he is losing, and comes up with a wild idea. With a pleading voice, he proclaims that it was the man's ARMS that did the killing, and he should be spared because it was the arms that did it. The judge nods. "I belive your story it was the arms that did it. I'll sentence them to life in prison. He can choose to go with them or not...."
03-10-2007, 04:59 AM
That third joke was too disarming to read. I'm up in arms just thinking about it. Oh well it sure beats the pits. Maybe you heard it in the Army?
:lol: :p :D :roll:
03-10-2007, 07:16 AM
A guy is sitting in a bar. Suddenly, he yells out, "All Lawyers are a**holes!!!"
The guy next to him turns and punched the first guy in the face, knocking him off his barstool.
The first guy says, "What the hell?? Are you a lawyer?"
The second guy says, "No, I'm an a**hole."
03-10-2007, 03:57 PM
A Hindu, a Rabbi and a Lawyer are traveling together and decide to stop for the night. They stop at a farm and ask the farmer if they could stay there. "Sure, but I've only got room for two of you in the house. One of you will have to stay in the barn."
"That's okay, I'll stay in the barn," offers the Hindu, as he gathers his things and heads to the barn.
A few minutes later, there's a knock on the house door. It was the Hindu. "There is a cow in the barn. I cannot sleep under the same roof with a sacred animal."
"No problem, I'll stay in the barn," offered the Rabbi. He gathered his things and went to the barn.
A few minutes later, there's another knock on the door. It was the Rabbi. "There is a pig in the barn. I can't sleep in the same building with a treyfe animal!"
"That's fine, I'll stay in the barn," said the lawyer, who gathered his things and went to the barn.
A few minutes later, there was another knock on the door.
It was the cow and the pig.
03-12-2007, 01:09 AM
These might have been posted in the "Groaners" section, I can't remember. If so, please PM me to let me know.
What is the definition of a tragedy?
A bus only half-full of lawyers falls off a cliff.
Scientists across the globe are replace rats with lawyers for testing in experiments.
The first reason was because it was cruel to the rats.
The second reason was because some of the scientists come to see the rats as pets, and don't wish to harm them.
The third reason was because there are some things that even rats won't do!
03-12-2007, 04:23 AM
What happens to a lawyer when he takes Viagra?
He gets taller.
03-21-2007, 05:13 PM
What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start
03-22-2007, 04:13 AM
How do you keep a lawyer from drowning?
You take your foot off of his head.
03-22-2007, 04:50 AM
What do you call 1,000 lawyers buried up to their necks in sand?
Not enough sand...
03-28-2007, 09:06 PM
Did you know there are only two lawyer jokes?
Yep, the rest are true stories. :D
This is allegedly a true story...
In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:
Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?
Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?
Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.
vBulletin® v3.8.4, Copyright ©2000-2013, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.