Good at computers != Being God

[ahanix1989]

I can:

Build computers
Change Windows features
Some other little fun things


Despite what people think, I cannot

Hack
Change school attendance
Fix a broken LCD monitor
Build a laptop (wtf)
Get their 7-year-old Gateway to be Vista-compatible (Lack AGP / DDR)
Install some leet hax on their XBOX
Crack safes
Get free stuff (Vista for free as a beta tester. That's all)
Find an illegal copy of some obscure movie for someone's mom
Build a computer with my eyes closed
Fix their blown power supply
Upgrade their CD burner to DVD burning via firmware


I can't believe what people expect me to do. The LCD one, someone was asking me at church. I'm trying to get him to shut the hell up.... No, I can't fix a damn LCD with a broken backlight or a fried RGB board.

[NightAngel]

Here's what I live:

Married to a Tech=I am, by default, a Tech as well.

I've picked up some tricks, sure, but does watching Kung Fu movies make you a black belt?

[ArenaBoy]

Does watching Kung Fu movies make you a black belt?

Speaking as a practicioner, no. But it will make you look amazing in terms of visual aesthetics. :D Hilariously, I got asked constantly by idiots if I could do those things that were done in movies. Bear in mind that you have to break the laws of psychics in order to do those things.

I feel both your pains though, my dad's the neighborhood computer whiz and when he's out of town I get asked to do computer things for them but there's just one slight problem: I'M A MAC USER!!!!!!

[Der Cute]

Bear in mind that you have to break the laws of psychics in order to do those things.

Oh, so you have to break the metaphysical plane and transendance?

Or the law of PHYSICS......IE gravity?
Such a _mass_ mistake :P

Cute Pun Noob

[PuckishOne]

There's sort of a double-edge to this particular sword, though...Mr Puck is a professional Geek (software) and dabbles on the hardware side of geekdom as well. What I find is that one of two polar opposites is assumed about me:

(1) I am a complete techno-tard who is lucky she doesn't electrocute herself on the hairdryer.

or

(2) I am the Queen of All Geeks, ruling at hubby's side, whipping motherboards into shape with my magical scepter.

Seriously...is the Happy Medium too much to ask for (don't answer that!! ;) )?

[lordlundar]

(don't answer that!! ;) )?

Spoilsport.:lol:

[cpux]

I am Linux Man. I know plenty about Linux systems, and relatively little about Windows.

Thing is, very few people without a degree in Computer Science use Linux. Sure, when it comes to Windows, I can fix problems that could've been fixed anyway if the user would just RTFM, but it doesn't change the fact that my field of specialty is computer networking, and my area of expertise is in Unix/Linux systems.

[ahanix1989]

I always get the annoying questions like “What antivirus do you use?” or “I have a virus, what should I do?”.
I don’t use an antivirus. I don’t know how to remove a virus. It’s that simple.

Reinstall Windows on someone’s computer, and I try to leave. Nope, I can’t, because
a) They need me to set up their email, despite them not knowing the provider, the account information, or password.
b) They are scared to let their kids go online without an antivirus installed
c) “It doesn’t look like it used to”
d) They need me to hold their hand through installing each and every little program they ever had. This isn’t a Linux bash prompt, Windows has nice easy little installers. You figured out AIM once, you can do it again.
e) The bane of my existence: Outlook Express. No, I didn’t back up their emails, I told them that was THEY’RE problem. No, I didn’t back up their account information, I told them to take care of it. What’s their password? I don’t know, they don’t know.
f) They never told me they had a printer, I never installed the printer, they don’t have the driver cd. For that matter,

Here’s some hints for those who need my help
g) KEEP THE G-----MN CDS THAT COME WITH YOUR F---ING COMPUTER. I’m sick of searching for obscure little drivers because people seem to misplace their CDs. YOU HAVE A COMPUTER DESK WITH DRAWERS, PUT THE RECIEPT, MANUAL, AND CDS IN THAT DRAWER. I’ve started charging an extra $30 for missing CDs. I can’t guess whether their system came with the AC’97 or the C-Media audio chipset, both were available on that model, and because it’s an HP, it’s impossible to look around on the inside.
h) Do not physically vacuum the computer while I’m trying to work on it with your ghetto Electro-Lux stainless steel vacuum. I’m looking at YOU, Mike.
i) Don’t repeatedly call me on Mother’s Day, asking me to help you “partition this drive………”
j) If I answer the phone, just to see who is calling, and mention I’m at work or driving or otherwise busy… don’t explain the entire situation to me. I don’t care, I’m busy. Go partition your ass.
k) If you call three times a day, and I never answer… don’t keep calling. I’m ignoring you because you are an idiot.
l) Don’t explain what you’re trying to do while I’m backing up files
m) Don’t request some stupid idea (“I want to like… get a second hard drive, install Windows 98 on that, then run it when I need to)
n) Diagnosing computer problems over AIM is like diagnosing brain cancer with a pointy stick.
o) Give me your password before giving me your computer.
p) Leave your phone on while I have your computer. If it’s sitting in my bedroom, prompting for a password, and you are nowhere near your phone… I’m not going to bother with your computer.
q) I’m in high school. You’re in high school. I am a guy. You are a hot girl. I’m single. If you say “I don’t know, there’s some pictures on there I don’t really want other people to see”, and proceed to leave the computer with me… you know damn well I’m gonna look for those pictures. I know it, you know it. No fighting it. You had a chance to delete them.
r) Lose your product key? Too damn bad, you need to buy a new copy of Windows now. I used to just let them use my product key, to get them to shut up, but every time their PC broke, rather than ask me to fix it, they took it to Milwaukee PC, who proceeds to delete their files and charge them for a new copy. Seven people so far, rather than ask me for help, go to Milwaukee PC which charges MUCH more than they should.
s) I don’t know your internet connection details, I only know mine. If you have dialup; save your access numbers, account, and password.
t) YouTube taking twenty minutes to download a video isn’t because of your P3-500MHz system, it’s because you’re on AOL.
u) Your AIM contact list will not be deleted when I reinstall Windows, are you stupid? If you go to a friend’s PC, your contact list is still there, so why would your PC be the cause
v) No, those Mac vs. PC commercials aren’t accurate, they’re biased as hell. Yes, many computers need a memory upgrade to run Vista properly, as many Macs require a memory upgrade to run OSX properly. More likely for the PC because… A PC from when XP first came out is 6 years old, while a Mac when OSX first came out is considerably newer. A lot has changed since 2001.
w) Yes, you can disable those annoying UAC prompts. Most people get a bad impression from them because they keep seeing them during the first hour, because: omg.they’re installing all their programs. Once your programs are installed and you’re just doing normal stuff, UAC won’t bother you.
x) Yes, I can build computers. Where the hell have you been? Everyone’s known that for years.
y) Dear God, no I don’t work at Fazoli’s anymore, Jesus. I quit 5 months ago, why the hell do you still think I work there?
z) Do not preach to me about how San Andreas is evil and racist (First one with a black character, first one you can rob houses). I love that game, keep your religious mouth shut while I, an atheist, try to fix your PC. Religion and tech support don’t mix.

See why I hate fixing computers for people?

[technical.angel]

e) The bane of my existence: Outlook Express. No, I didn’t back up their emails, I told them that was THEY’RE problem. No, I didn’t back up their account information, I told them to take care of it. What’s their password? I don’t know, they don’t know.

I think OE is the bane of everyone who does tech support.

I was working on my now ex-MIL-TB's computer, and noticed she had a HUGE number of emails in her deleted items box. I figured this could be a part of the problem and deleted them. Turns out, she was using it AS STORAGE!!!!


f) They never told me they had a printer, I never installed the printer, they don’t have the driver cd. For that matter,

Piff. I never even bother with the CDs anymore. Although it's fun to watch them dig for them.

g) KEEP THE G-----MN CDS THAT COME WITH YOUR F---ING COMPUTER. I’m sick of searching for obscure little drivers because people seem to misplace their CDs.

It seems most aren't being shipped with them anymore. HP charges you extra to get the drivers CD.


o) Give me your password before giving me your computer.

I have this problem, and I have them fill out a form before giving me their computer!

[HawaiianShirts]

Good at computers != Being God

Just the same as knowing how to sell computers does not equate to the ability to diagnose and fix any and all technology-related problems over the phone. I understand how computers work. I can tell you what they're supposed to do and what hardware and software would be required to make them do that. If your computer/printer/monitor/camera/toaster isn't working properly, I'm definitely not the person to talk to.

First words from the customer's mouth on a phone call a week or so ago: "I'm trying to use X-Box Live. Do you know what's wrong?" Yes. I'm magic. Poof. It works now.

:banghead:

[MadMike]

It seems most aren't being shipped with them anymore. HP charges you extra to get the drivers CD.


Yet another reason to build my own. How much does can it actually cost to make a damn CD? Talk about cheap!

My first run-in with the whole issue of not having discs was a couple years ago, when I was asked to fix a severely infected computer. I had asked this person for the tower and any discs, but she didn't give me the one for the operating system. She swore up and down that those were all the discs she had, and even went back and checked.

It wasn't until a few months later that I found out some companies weren't giving out discs anymore, and that the reason she couldn't find her XP disc could very well have been because they didn't give her one.

I eventually did get it fixed, but I ended up reinstalling XP by... other means. While as a person and an admin here, I don't condone illegal activity, I figure this one falls under the "Gray area" category. She did have a valid copy, we just couldn't find it.

Of course, now I know it wasn't even necessary At the time, I didn't realize that I could have used my own copy of XP, and entered the valid product key from the sticker on the side of the machine. I always thought each code was tied to a particular disc. I actually found out from my son, who was 11 at the time, that that was not the case. "OK, I'll try it, but it's not going to... I'll be damned!"

[tollbaby]

I can NOT get my parents to understand that yes, I do have a clue when it comes to computers. They're convinced I'm a technological idiot, even though I managed to install a new hard drive in my computer AND get it up and running all by my little lonesome. I think I've mentioned the time I was checking my e-mail on their computer and my mom said "now don't be messing it up this time... those pictures you left on the desktop last time were SICK"... errr pictures? Only picture I've EVER downloaded to my mom's computer was off my own deviantart site, and it was of one of HER plants.... she said "no, the nudie ones... they had your name on them, don't deny it".... my name?.... oh I see.

My brother had downloaded some porn and so he wouldn't get in trouble, he put my name on the folder, figuring my parents would never look in it. Hello, Einstein, they didn't HAVE a computer when I lived there... why would I have a folder on their desktop? I just looked at my mother with a deadpan expression on my face and said "Yeah, mom, cause you know I just looooove pictures of naked women" and rolled my eyes at her. She still won't believe it was my brother.

[ahanix1989]

I suppose now that each PC tends to be customized... it's harder to make a cd that works, short of "All in One"s... but I know for damn sure your printer came with a CD, and I am not downloading the 28MB driver pack off HP's website on your dialup connection

I wish vendors offered a "Inf" driver pack. No software, no utilities. Just the sys, dll, and inf files :)

[technical.angel]

HP is charging $19 for the OS CD.

[Acolyte]

Hack (Nope)
Change school attendance (Nope)
Fix a broken LCD monitor (Could, but not without a whole pile of parts that would cost more then replacing the monitor)
Build a laptop (wtf) (Could, if I could actually get parts. But it would just be easier and cheaper to buy one.)
Get their 7-year-old Gateway to be Vista-compatible (Lack AGP / DDR) (Well, people have gotten XP to run on 46 MHz processors with 4 MB of RAM. Not saying it's a good idea, though, since it took 30 min to load and crashed whenever you did anything.)
Install some leet hax on their XBOX (Could, but I'm not gonna do it, what with it being illegal and hax being for noobs and morons and whatnot)
Crack safes (Got a sledgehammer?)
Get free stuff (Vista for free as a beta tester. That's all) (I can get free stuff. Not for you, though. I like my job.)
Find an illegal copy of some obscure movie for someone's mom (I could, yes. But I won't. See previous point.)
Build a computer with my eyes closed (Teach me braille first, then we'll talk.)
Fix their blown power supply (Not without parts worth more then a new supply)
Upgrade their CD burner to DVD burning via firmware (I hate the people who don't understand that CDs != DVDs.)


Apparently, I'm not God either. Wish people would stop asking me to do things that the Church would likely classify as miracles.

[Naaman]

I always get the annoying questions like “What antivirus do you use?” or “I have a virus, what should I do?”.
I don’t use an antivirus. I don’t know how to remove a virus. It’s that simple.
<snip>
b) They are scared to let their kids go online without an antivirus installed
I mostly do family stuff nowdays but I'd never recommend going without AV protection, if only to save yourself hours down the line when they've managed to get a virus.

I just stuff Grisoft AVG free on there, it works nicely and no user intervention is required to update the software or virus patterns :)

[ahanix1989]

I don't mind that they want an antivirus, but that's they're responsibility. Don't ask me for a recommendation, and when I tell you I don't use an antivirus, don't continue to ask for a recommendation.

[Jack7957]

Build a laptop (wtf)


I have, technically. I was under contract with the County Goverment, which included the Sheriff Department. Well, over the three years of the contract, there were three times where a patrol car was involved in an accident. If you look at most patrol cars, the computer is mounted in front of the dash. What would happen is in all three accidents, the airbags went off, smacked the LCD screen and pushed it across the keyboard, ripping up keys as it went. So the head of IT for the Sheriff, would bring me a box of parts. These were Dell's by the way, with the Complete Care warranty, so amazingly they were covered under warranty. Usually the only thing that survived was the motherboard, hard drive, and CD-Rom drive. Everything else would need replacing, the LCD, keyboard, plastics, etc. But with Dell, and most manufactures, you order everything seperate. So I'd have to order each piece sperate, even screws, and those sticky plastic covers that hide screws, usually about 20-30 parts per unit, and assemble them back together into a working unit.

[Depot Denizen]

Daamn. I've seen Dell do whole unit replacements for less damage. Then again, the important parts were still functional...

[Mr B Rabbit]

I feel both your pains though, my dad's the neighborhood computer whiz and when he's out of town I get asked to do computer things for them but there's just one slight problem: I'M A MAC USER!!!!!!

Glad to see a Mac user admitting they're not computers at last. :p

However to stay on topic, good at computers != god, network administration = god.

I can:
- Build computers
- Change Windows features
- Prevent other people from changing Windows features
- Can't hack, but can get into your user account and do what I want anyway
- Change school attendance, marks, exclusions, finances, whatever
- Get a broken CRT or LCD monitor fixed
- Build a laptop from bits of the ones students have broken
- Lock down the school on a whim
- Control the CCTV cameras/footage
- Control the phone system
- Switch alarms on and off
- Get free stuff
- Replace their blown power supply
- Relent from smiting people in exchange for student sacrifices

Unfortunately this only works when I'm in my seat of power, not so good when I'm walking around town and a teacher pulls out their laptop when they run into me and starts ranting that its not working (yeah, that'd be because we told you the battery's dead, you need to have it plugged into mains, like the note stuck on it says)

[protege]

I built my current computer...and "rebuilt" my old Compaq with parts scavenged from various sources. In fact, I usually don't buy new parts...I simply scavenge what I need from "retired" machines at work. Anything I don't need is given away or scrapped. Last year, I hooked my grandmother up with a nice (free!) 21" monitor when she had difficulty seeing some of the text on a regular screen. It's not as nice as flat-panel, but it does the job. Getting it onto her desk was another story...I nearly hurt myself multiple times in the process! But, she's happy with it.

In the past, I had a neighbor who was happy to get anything I no longer needed. However, after dropping off a scrap HP desktop and a dead IBM...his wife (jokingly) threatened to "kick my ass" if I brought him any more junk :p

BTW, did you know the self-tapping screws in the cases are great for securing plastic model railroad buildings to the layout?

[technical.angel]

network administration = god.

:worship:

I can:
- Get free stuff

I'm going to be getting free stuff tomorrow!!!! WOOT for a big ole conference!!!

[Argabarga]

There was one guy at work who thought I could fix his computer, because I know how to FIX CARS..... apparently, since cars have computers, it made perfect sense to him....

[Larissa238]

There was one guy at work who thought I could fix his computer, because I know how to FIX CARS..... apparently, since cars have computers, it made perfect sense to him....

I had a guy at work insist that I could fix a plane because I knew how to fix a computer :confused: