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View Full Version : The Happiest Place On Earth (warning: Nature red of claw and tooth and whatnot.)


RecoveringKinkoid
01-20-2014, 04:26 AM
Howdy, all!

Been a while, I know. Been really busy doing other things, and not spending nearly the time on here that I used to.

This happened a couple months ago, and I made a mental not that I HAD to post it, because it's just so perfect for this site. And I forgot...and then we were talking about it, so here it is.

We were in Disney, out in the pool behind the Contemporary resort. Me and my sister and our two children. And this little girl came off the slide into the pool and could not get her feet under her and the lifeguard jumped in and pulled her out.

The child was absolutely fine, just a little rattled. But when something like that happens, evidently the lifeguards have to follow a protocol of some sorts and fill out forms and do various checks at the poolside and all that. So this pair of lifeguards were doing just that, walking around the pool with their clipboards and all that.

At that moment, a clump of wild ducks fell out of the sky, fucking. Seriously, they were in a screaming, flailing duck orgy. And they fell out of the sky into the swimming pool like a meteor.

Now, I don't know if any of you have seen the mating habits of ducks, but it's not pretty. It's straight up disturbing and violent and scary. And the kids are going "Oh, look, ducks!" and my sister and I are all like "uh, yeah, let's not go over there, okay?" I was contemplating wading in and pulling the female out before she drowned, but she escaped on her own and tore off into the bushes, the males in hot pursuit. I think she escaped.


Anyways, there was this douchy dad at the pool. Who went over to the lifeguard trying to go through his checks and proceeded to piss and moan about how upset he was that screwing ducks fell into the pool. My sister was over there and reported back to me (I was on the other side of the pool drying my kid off and saw it, but didn't hear it.) that he was acting like it was the lifeguard's fault. :rolleyes:

Normally, for such occurrences, I'd blast the guy for "what, do you think you're at Disneyworld or something?" But..well...you know.

sms001
01-20-2014, 10:43 AM
"what, do you think you're at Disneyworld or something?"

:roll:

This will send me to work with a smile on my face.

I give full props to DW, they really do work hard to anticipate every contingency, and succeed for the most part. But just HOW did this father think... never mind. SC logic.

If duck sex is anything like chicken sex with multiple roosters involved, you did well to stand clear; they're single minded little buggers.

yeahwhatev
01-20-2014, 11:21 AM
Me and my sister and our two children.

I do not care why this happened.
I do not care HOW this happened.
It exists.
I need coffee..
Quite possibly a beer..

:lol::cry::roll:

Kheldarson
01-20-2014, 11:39 AM
RK! Yay!!!


You just get all the fun on vacation, don't you? :lol:

AnaKhouri
01-20-2014, 06:23 PM
Wow, duck gang rape. It was an educational AND fun trip. :lol:

RecoveringKinkoid
01-20-2014, 06:50 PM
. Me and my sister and our two children.

Yeah. Probably coulda worded that a little better, eh? :lol:

Aw, Kheldarson! Glad to see you here, and everyone else as well!

Ducks might actually be worse that chickens, although chickens are pretty bad, too. Ducks mating is so violent that the males have evolved corkscrew penises so they don't get thrown off. In response, the females have evolved corkscrew vaginas that actually twist in the opposite direction. It's just insane. I don't know, but I don't think chickens regularly kill each other. Duck hens, on the other hand, end up drowning a lot. Unsettling stuff.

cleorose
01-20-2014, 08:48 PM
I used to work at Disney at the All Star Resorts. Most people that complained would say "THIS is the happiest place on earth and I am NOT happy!" And then continue into a tirade.

Irving Patrick Freleigh
01-20-2014, 09:45 PM
F*cking ducks......

MoonCat
01-20-2014, 09:52 PM
Damn, this site is educational. :eek:

Irving Patrick Freleigh
01-20-2014, 10:13 PM
Actually, this might explain the one time years ago, when we used to have ducks come to our birdfeeders to eat the seeds left on the ground, where I saw three or four male mallards go tearing after one female.

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view/77452/the-more-you-know-o.gif

DGoddessChardonnay
01-20-2014, 11:33 PM
Damn, this site is educational. :eek:

Thank you . . . we try hard so share our vast knowledge on all kinds of stuff you never knew existed. :wave::lol:

Never had the experience to observe ducks mating but this life ain't over with yet.:eek::lol:

Of course this brings up the question: How many does it take to fuck a duck? :p

dalesys
01-20-2014, 11:37 PM
Of course this brings up the question: How many does it take to fuck a duck? :p
How in-farm-all is this event, anyway?

Argabarga
01-21-2014, 12:43 AM
You wanna make a complaint about that? Go talk to Donald Duck, he's around here somewhere I"m sure.

Sunshine
01-21-2014, 12:53 AM
This topic is fowl....

crazylegs
01-21-2014, 01:19 AM
F*cking ducks......

Fuzzy Ducks...

Mr Hero
01-21-2014, 06:15 AM
This topic is fowl....

Here come the puns! Duck and cover everyone!

EricKei
01-21-2014, 06:17 AM
Now this is just getting daffy...

Irving Patrick Freleigh
01-21-2014, 08:54 AM
Howard we going to explain this to the children?

XCashier
01-21-2014, 04:06 PM
Not quite the same, but something similar happened on a zoo trip I took (I think it was the San Diego Zoo). Anyway, we were on the tram, the driver was doing his usual jolly spiel about the animals we passed. Then we went by the polar bear exhibit.

A particularly stupid duck had flown into the polar bear exhibit. Needless to say, the bears were enjoying their fresh meal and playing with the leftover bits. Yeah, it was more than a little graphic.

Cue many grossed-out guests, a driver stumbling over what to say, and more than a few uncomfortable chuckles. Not to mention many nervous parents having to explain the scene to their children. I don't recall if anyone complained to the zoo staff about it.

So yeah, nature is indeed red in tooth and claw. Real life is no Disney documentary!

AnaKhouri
01-21-2014, 04:43 PM
My son wouldn't have turned a hair at that. :lol: He's not a particular animal lover, and at first I was sad about that. But it's turned out to be good, such as when we saw Tarzan and I explained the leopard ate the baby gorilla. He was just like, "Oh, okay." I've never pretended to him that nature is anything but brutal or that meat comes from anything but dead animals.

Monterey Jack
01-21-2014, 05:29 PM
Howard we going to explain this to the children?

"I...AM NOT HOWARD...ANYMORE..."

sms001
01-21-2014, 11:13 PM
Go talk to Donald Duck, he's around here somewhere I"m sure.

With no pants.

Argabarga
01-22-2014, 12:11 AM
In all seriousness though, so many people are so sheltered in their safe, comfortable little suburb, they have NO idea how nature works

These are the people that can be found commenting on YouTube videos of Bald Eagles catching fish, or owls catching mice, asking, with genuine scorn, why the camera person just STOOD THERE AND DID NOTHING while the mean ol' bird carried off that poor little innocent other creature.... as if the Bald Eagle just hits up a vending machine whenever it's hungry......

Even better, the one who stumbled onto the video a tourist shot of a pair of wild stallions fighting on Assateague Island who was vigorously wringing their hands and getting offended that someone out there would be so cruel as to TEACH those poor innocent horses to be so mean to each other! Why, that's ANIMAL ABUSE! Who on EARTH would do such a thing?!

And they too asked why the cameraman didn't try to step in and break it up.

And they were serious! :eek:

Yeah, I'm stepping into a fight between two things with a combined curb weight about equal to a Volkswagen Golf? Not if I wanna keep breathing, like nature intended.

DGoddessChardonnay
01-25-2014, 09:46 PM
I have cats . . . and as you know, cats are predatory creatures. They think nothing of catching a bird, mouse, mole or whatever and leaving it as an offering on the front porch or back deck.

One memorable instance stands out . . . this was around 2000 and my cousin's wife had drove up from SC to bring over some carpet samples (we were in the process of remodeling a room for my aunt to come and live out her final days with us, end b/g.)

Anyway, I was outside on the deck with my Mom, cousin's wife was on the ground by the steps trying to avoid one of our cats (she's allergic to animals) when one of our other cats came up with a bird he had just caught.

What does this kitty do? He simply sat down on the ground maybe a foot away from our guest and proceeded to eat the bird.:eek:

I looked down and saw what the cat was doing, looked back at my cousin's wife and just went about the conversation like normal. What else can you do? :shrug:

So don't be surprised what you may see at my house . . . all I can tell you is Welcome to Wild Kingdom. And no, I'm not Marlon Perkins.:lol::wave:

AccountingDrone
01-25-2014, 11:00 PM
Back when I had just gotten a 6 foot long albino boa from a guy on Rob's last shore command [he was being rotated over to Rota Spain and reptiles are almost impossible to take along on a PCS] we were getting ready to feed him for the first time. Poor thing had feeding issues because an idiot in a pet store had dropped a full sized rat in with a baby snake and expected it to be able to eat it. It mauled the poor thing, so getting it to eat even at 6 feet meant to give it very tiny mice.

So here we are, Rob, myself, Ian and Breice our roomies upstairs in the barn where we had a flat sitting around this 250 gallon tank that was the snakes home. Ian at one end of the tank with the poor mouse in feeding tongs, and our poor snake sort of huddled on his basking rock looking back at the mouse, with Breice and I sort of cheering the snake on with Rob sort of occasionally using one of my snake crooks to try and urge the snake off the rock towards the mouse.... :eek:

We figured it was very romanesque, with the snake being the gladiator and the mouse a really scary christian ... :roll::devil: It finally did eat the mouse, and a second mouse shortly after. I really wish that he would have been able to eat dead mice, it would have been so much easier. :roll:

fireheart
01-25-2014, 11:33 PM
The last time my family (as a whole) went to the Adelaide Zoo, we happened past the reptile house as one of our last destinations. Everyone who came out of it was laughing, so we were curious as to what was going on.

We get into the giant tortoise area and it turns out that the male tortoise had been TRYING to get onto the female tortoise...and not being entirely successful. By the time we get there though, the male tortoise finally suceeded. And the female tortoise kept carrying him around the exhibit. It was clear that those two were actually :censored:.

The absolute gem came from one of the kids in front who asked what the tortoises were doing, only to be told they were "hugging".

Cue laughter from all of us :roll:

sms001
01-25-2014, 11:56 PM
I have cats . . . and as you know, cats are predatory creatures. And no, I'm not Marlon Perkins.:lol::wave:

"I'll watch from the helicopter as Jim tags the fouteen foot alligator..." :lol:

Speaking of cat predation, The U of Georgia did a fascinating study with video cameras a couple of years ago, google it if you get a chance.



reptiles are almost impossible to take along on a PCS

THAT little bit of hedging has got my curiosity up....

I've had to coax a boa myself. Makes ya kind of frustrated, really. And not my snake, to top it off.

RecoveringKinkoid
01-26-2014, 12:06 AM
With no pants.

Right? RIGHT? Bare assed in a sailor suit. I told you they were a bunch of frigging perverts.

Irving Patrick Freleigh
01-26-2014, 12:20 AM
The last time my family (as a whole) went to the Adelaide Zoo, we happened past the reptile house as one of our last destinations. Everyone who came out of it was laughing, so we were curious as to what was going on.

We get into the giant tortoise area and it turns out that the male tortoise had been TRYING to get onto the female tortoise...and not being entirely successful. By the time we get there though, the male tortoise finally suceeded. And the female tortoise kept carrying him around the exhibit. It was clear that those two were actually :censored:.

The absolute gem came from one of the kids in front who asked what the tortoises were doing, only to be told they were "hugging".



It looks like he's trying to jump over her, but he can't quite make it. Come on boy, you can do it!

fireheart
01-26-2014, 03:08 AM
It looks like he's trying to jump over her, but he can't quite make it. Come on boy, you can do it!

That was EXACTLY what was going through my head at the time! :roll:

#giantsimpsonsfan

Reyneth
02-02-2014, 05:13 PM
I love going to the zoo so I often get to see stuff that kids ask awkward questions about. Bonobos are great for that! :D

My mom didn't believe me until I told her to ask my sister what she remembered about when we went to the zoo some 7 or 8 years ago. "The kangaroos were doing it." (Note that were both in our 20s at the time!)

This past summer, our oldest zoo residents (tortoises) were trying to get it on, or at least the male was. Cue lots of groaning and moaning and grunting while he tried to get in position.

And the best was when our male elephant was having some fun times with the ladies. Willie has a big.....you know. When one of the kids started counting "legs" I was :wave: outta there because I wasn't going to be answering any questions. (I wasn't actually with the kids, just there at the same time.)

Hey, it's nature!

AccountingDrone
02-02-2014, 06:53 PM
THAT little bit of hedging has got my curiosity up....

I've had to coax a boa myself. Makes ya kind of frustrated, really. And not my snake, to top it off.

Well, when you do a permanent change of duty station in the US, if you can stuff it into the shipping container or cram it in your car, it goes. When you rotate overseas you are constrained by the laws of the land you are headed over to - IIRC you can't even take a dog or cat with you to some duty stations [only thing going is military working animals and handicapped assistance animals] - it is a rabies and other animal vectored disease control issue. Countries that will allow dogs and cats will frequently not allow birds, reptiles or fish, and some countries the poor cat or dog has to sit in quarantine for 6 months [Australia, as it happens. The 6 month in a cage is why our roomie Sandra left Jezabel with us when she emigrated as she thought being shoved in a cage for 6 months was intolerably cruel to the poor girl.]

SongsOfDragons
02-03-2014, 03:40 PM
And the best was when our male elephant was having some fun times with the ladies. Willie has a big.....you know. When one of the kids started counting "legs" I was :wave: outta there because I wasn't going to be answering any questions. (I wasn't actually with the kids, just there at the same time.)

Hey, it's nature!

Reminds me of a bit from Fred Wedlock...

Family at the zoo...
"Mum, what's that thing hangin' down between that elephant's legs?"
"Er, it's nothing, Harry. Oh look at those flamingoes..."
So Harry goes and asks his dad. "Hey dad, what's that thing between the elephant's legs?"
Dad says "That's 'is willy, Harry."
"Our mam says it was nothin'!"
"Well she's been spoilt, en't she?"

XD

Monterey Jack
02-03-2014, 04:12 PM
Reminded of this:

http://www.kazak.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/ch880720.gif

Digitalpotato
02-03-2014, 07:19 PM
When I went to Disneyland in 2010, I saw some ducks chasing ach other... and trying to drown another in the Storybook Land canal boats.

Somewhat related: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwPbNIGi1zQ This was a sightings of people in Disneyland.

raudf
02-05-2014, 03:29 PM
The 6 month in a cage is why our roomie Sandra left Jezabel with us when she emigrated as she thought being shoved in a cage for 6 months was intolerably cruel to the poor girl.]

This is why we left my cat with my uncle while we were in Iceland. At least with my uncle, he got the freedom to roam and lots of pettings. Plus, we didn't want to risk the cat's health and/or life on a rotater flight.

When you live near a farm, you learn to just answer the kids' questions honestly. "They're making baby goats, kiddo," was the answer I gave my oldest when he asked. He was five at the time. I'm not gonna lie to the youngster, because that usually bites a person in the butt when they repeat what they saw and heard to their friends.

At 12, he just shrugs and moves on when he sees something like that. In his mind, it's a natural thing, but with his baby brother (17 months old) he's learned it's not something he's interested in. In his words, "Too much work afterwards."

Shalom
02-05-2014, 05:35 PM
It looks like he's trying to jump over her, but he can't quite make it. Come on boy, you can do it!

Tortoises are not very discriminating (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6R3BYCT5oWw) in their choice of partners. (NSFW)