View Full Version : The adventures of Digitalpotato and the rabbit family episode 1.

02-03-2014, 02:43 AM
So there are tons of people in Colorado who have loads and loads of children. I nickname them "Rabbit families".

One rabbit family in general apparently can't control any of their kids - and didn't realize this until after they had six kids.

So who is in this family, we have:



Snitty Teen Brat, who has hit that age where she doesn't care about anything at all, and honestly wishes everyone except for her would die.

Angel, the kid who has just discovered the wonders of technology and occupies himself reading on the phone... or probably texting... or playing a game.

Thing One and Thing Two. Or Cain and Abel, whichever you prefer. These are those two siblings who absolutely hate each other. Neither can live while the other survives, so as a result, their but one goal in life is to kill the other one. And even then at the funeral, you might have to restrain the sruvivor from jumping in the grave and trying to beat up his brother's corpse to ensure his death.

The Girl Flash, whose diet consists entirely off of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs and espresso.

And Babby! S/he has just learned a new letter: E. S/he also has another gift: The stamina AND vigor that would allow her to play the role of Brunhild in the opera. S/he is so proud of both her vocal vigor and that s/he has just learned the letter "E" that s/he will let everyone know!

The minivan drives up to the restaurant. Girl Flash probably runs out and makes three laps around the world in the time it takes for Mom and Dad to pull Thing One and Thing Two apart. Snitty teenage brat just can't care at all. They enter, and ask for a table for eight. They have to look away from Thing One and Thing Two... and in the three seconds that they look away, tehy are already trying to strangle each other, while Girl Flash is hopping up and down on a bench like a trampoline.

The entire family spends roughly five minutes trying to decide who should sit where, and make perhaps the dumbest seating arrangement ever: Thing One and Thing Two are apart from each other. Mom and dad pay no attention to that side of the table because Angel is too busy reading anything. Mom and Dad start going off on a huge lecture to Sabrina, the Teenaged Bitch, while occasionally trying to stop Babby from shouting "EEEEEEEEEEE!", and once yelling at Thing One and Thing Two to knock it off or they will be punished. (Presumably, the punishment is allowing the other to live another night.) They also don't look at the Girl Flash, who has on three occasions run in and out o the bathroom, and then pranced around in the middle of the aisles while servers are trying to carry plates full of hot food.

Great seating arrangement, huh?

The cornbread and rolls end up on the floor while the Snit is too busy being a usual 14 year old self to care at all that her brothers are kicking each other under the table, or that her little sister has just caused a sonic boom running around the restaurant. (Or maybe that "boom" was just her baby sibling screaming "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE") Babby has by this point screamed for five minutes straight without stopping once to breathe.

Thing One and Thing two fire straw-wrappers at each other, and then realize they could use the straw to fire spitballs... none of which actually hits the intended target. Mom and dad brush off when people from the nearby tables complain at Thing One and Thing Two ripping up their napkins up and firing them at the nearby customers and servers. The Girl Flash finally gets bored of running around, and wears down all the crayons to a nub, while Thing One and Thing two throw them at each other like throwing darts, before trying to wrestle the last one from The Girl Flash.

Angel is actually well behaved and departs from the table to stop his little sister from running into a server, and occasionally picks up the crayons from the floor and keeps them, so they don't end up on the floor again. The Girl Flash manages to somehow get them, and manages to colour the entire table frantically.

Mom and dad don't care at all that Thing One and Thing Two are still tryign to kill each other, or that babby still keeps screaming "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!".

Food comes. Sabrina, the Teenaged Bitch gets in a fight with her parents. Thing One and Thing Two throw sugar packets at each other, pour salt in each others' drinks, and hurl pepper around. They have a sword fight with their dinner knives before Angel, mom, and dad confiscate them, then turn their attention to their own meals. The Girl Flash decides not to eat her macaroni and cheese and instead smashes it up into a million pieces under the table.

The family finally departs, much to the applause of the rest of the staff. The servers get an extra big tip for that, and two other customers even walk over to help clean up the mess despite that it is not their job.

Seriously guys, why did you have six kids if you can't even control one?!? You should ahve at least stopped with Angel, since he spent the entire meal minding his own business and trying to look out for his little sister. (He probably didnt' want to step in between his brothers' feud or else they'll decide that he must die.)

Everyone suffers tinnitus from the baby who screamed "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" non-stop for about an hour.

02-03-2014, 02:59 AM
Really now; they give REAL Rabbits a bad name!

PS. My mom is the youngest of 16 CHILDREN. This was just post-depression era when you needed all the kids to help earn money and work the farm!

Monterey Jack
02-03-2014, 03:39 AM
I will NEVER understand people who have more than two children (and I say this as one of four siblings myself).

02-03-2014, 04:02 AM
Holy crap!! What an unholy tribe. I love the way you've written it, though. Laughed so hard.

They've got to be related to the Troll family that I used to live next door to.

They had: Oldest brother aka Drunken Loudmouth
Bubba (yes really) aka Future Federal Penitentiary inmate
Two teenage girls aka Tonya Harding wanna-bes (no, not the skating part)
Three or four smaller siblings, one of whom was unlucky enough to be named "Shadiga" - her mother constantly screamed "SHODDY!!!" at her. Lovely image. Which brings us to Mom, aka "Why the hell did I have all these kids and why do I have to be the one who watches them?"
They did not speak. They screamed. Every. Single. Word. EVERY DAY.

They moved to Indiana eventually. Sorry, Indiana.

02-03-2014, 05:16 AM
I knew a lady who could tell you which method of birth control failed, for each one of her 7 kids. But she still raised them well.

And I know a couple with 13, yes 13 well-behaved kids. Of course, the fact that they wanted each and every one of them - that none of them was a "mistake" - helps. The couple are both intelligent, and the possessors of fine, strong spines.

02-03-2014, 06:24 AM
My parents had eight, but we NEVER acted up in public past the toddler age where we each did exactly ONCE and got our butts spanked and never did again. I have six, and mine know I'll bust their tails if they do that.

02-03-2014, 03:19 PM

Damn you and such! I'm reading this on the bus and now my sides and jaw hurt from holding in the guffaws :D

02-03-2014, 04:04 PM
As funny as this sounds I doubt the other diner's got much enjoyment out of it...

02-03-2014, 05:26 PM
I can just about handle my two. I couldn't imagine more. I once stayed at a friend's house who had 5 under the age of 7 and I spent half the visit in my room crying from the stress of the constant noise (I had PPD), feigning fatigue and discomfort breastfeeding in front of people.

02-03-2014, 06:22 PM
Shame that your manager wouldn't or couldn't tell these people to take their circus act somewhere else. Sensible people don't expect monastery-like silence when they go out to eat -- especially to a family restaurant -- but that is above and beyond what any customer(s) should have to put up with.

02-03-2014, 07:10 PM
The manager should have told 'em to leave. 2_@ Heck we were ready to leave after a crayon sailed over another customer's head and hit my shoulder.

Irving Patrick Freleigh
02-03-2014, 07:19 PM
Shit, at my worst as a kid I could be The Guy Flash, but I did not behave that way in restaurants.

Because that would've meant not being able to eat a meal someplace other than home for a looooooong time.

And it was a thrill to me to be able to do that, even if I didn't finish my entire meal. Money wasn't all that plentiful, so eating out was a treat.

02-03-2014, 07:33 PM
Once at the library I met another mother who told me she had five children. I commented that she had a generous spirit, as I don't think I could handle more than two, I'm just unwilling to give so much of my soul to other people who depend on me.

She said, "I didn't want that many, they ust kept coming."

I couldn't think of a polite way to ask if she was just very unlucky with birth control, or too stupid to use it.

Makes me wonder if this family thought a lot of children would be like the happy family in The Sound of Music, or if they ust never learned about contraception.

02-03-2014, 09:57 PM
The manager should have told 'em to leave. 2_@ Heck we were ready to leave after a crayon sailed over another customer's head and hit my shoulder.

You'd be surprised (or not) at just how upset some "parents" get if you try to interfere. See, they know ALL about raising their kids...

02-04-2014, 01:41 AM
I recall a letter once in Dear Abby where the writer described how a restaurant manager took care of a family that was disturbing other people. He had their food boxed up, added free desserts for all of them, and hustled them to the door before they knew what hit them.

Please note, it wasn't just that the kids were a little bit noisy. The whole family was causing a disturbance.

02-04-2014, 03:19 AM
Then there are the insults to parents of large families, such as: "You do know what causes babies, don't you?" said in a condescending manner.

My recommended answer: "Well, we think we've figured it out, but we're going to keep checking until we're sure!"

02-04-2014, 05:45 PM
The manager should have told 'em to leave.and banned them for good measure:rolleyes:

02-04-2014, 10:04 PM
I will NEVER understand people who have more than two children (and I say this as one of four siblings myself).

Some people can't get over the (at one time, purely factual) mind-set that if you have lots of children, some of them might survive to adulthood; there is still a generation who remember what it was like to expect to lose siblings before adulthood to disease or poverty.

There are also people (as others have noted below) who are capable of responsibly raising large families of balanced, well rounded children.

Of course, it could be that they're just too lazy or selfish to use birth control.

02-05-2014, 09:25 AM
Moving the 'rabbit families' discussion to Fratching (http://www.fratching.com/showthread.php?p=148731). The thread opens with my reply.

02-05-2014, 03:17 PM
I've seen similar with a family of four, two adults and two kids. The kids were at that age where they didn't quite understand good behavior in public. Not that it mattered, because neither parent was paying attention to their kids. Crayons, food, shoes.. it all got flung with equal glee and LOUDLY. My, at the time, 4 year old looked up in disgust and said loudly (he didn't get tact at that point) "Mom, if I ever behave like that, please feel free to take my XBox away. It's embarrassing."

Do you know how hard it is to get onto your child when he's only saying (loudly) what you're thinking? I think I managed with a "You're right, but let's use our 'restaurant voice,' next time," which I said almost as loudly. Yeah, I know.. way to set the example, Mom. Earned me a glare from the parents of the year, that did.