View Full Version : Navigating the switchboard operator of doom...

05-17-2015, 10:25 PM
Ooh I found this one whilst clearing out my old emails. It was for a report I was doing for Horrendous Switchboard Banking Company (no names :rolleyes:)...

Dear Francois,You asked for my report on the phone call assignment for Horrendous Switchboard bank.Here it is verbatim for your entertainment...

H:Hello,switchboard,can I help you?
Me:I'd like to be transferred through to Sue A please
H:Huh?What do you mean?
Me:I'd like to be transferred through to Sue A please
H:I don't know what you're asking-what do you want me to do?
Me:I'd like to be transferred through to Sue A please
H:Is that a person,a place,a department?
Me:It's a person.Sue A.
H:I need the full name.
Me:That is the full name-Sue A.
H:I need the full first name.
Me:I don't know that-she just said Sue in the message.
H:Without that,I can't help you.I need the full first name.
Me:I don't know whether she's Suzanne,Susie,Suzette or Sue.She goes by the name of Sue at work. She's the Premier Co-ordinator and she's on extension xxxx
H:How do you spell A***?
Me:I'm assuming A***.Or possibly A***
H:If you haven't got the correct spelling,I can't help you.
Me:Well,let's try A***.Do you have anyone called Sue A of whatever spelling then can you transfer me through-I'm certain there can't be more than one of them.
H:Well,I can't transfer you if I have don't know who you want to talk to.
Me:Right-there is a Sue A,who is a person.
Me:Who is a Premier Co-ordinator on extension xxxxx
Me:Excellent.That's who I want...
H:Yes.I don't understand what it is you're wanting me to do.What is it you want from me?
Me:I've given you the name of the person and the number they are on.I want you to transfer me through to them.It shouldn't be this difficult.
H:With respect sir,it is difficult if I haven't got any information.
Me:The name is Sue A.The department is Premier Co-ordinator,the number is xxxx. Do you have any number at all in your company for that?
H:There's nothing coming up here on my screen
Me:So,to confirm,you have no number for a Sue A. anywhere in your company-is that what you're telling me?
H:Well I can't say,it hasn't brought it up because I haven't got any information to put in.I do have a number for an S.A in the system.
Me:Super-can you transfer me through?
H:I can't do that,it might not be the right S.A.
*sound of head banging against wall*.

*they did not get a good report for ease of use :p

05-18-2015, 01:55 AM
Gods of my ancestors, is it even possible for someone to be that stupid?!? They had to be playing with you.

You even gave them the person's actual extension number and they didn't know how to dial those four digits and hit the transfer button??

That breaks my brain.

05-18-2015, 07:41 AM
That broke mine too! How does that even.....with the extension and all... arghfrghgrr.

Golden Phoenix
05-18-2015, 12:22 PM
I bank with them....and yeah, i've had similar.

Most recent:
Me: Hi, I need a new [security thingy]
Them1: Ok, let me transfer you.
Them2: Hello, I understand you need a new security thingy? Is this because [reason 1] or [reason 2]?
Me: [reason 2]
Them2: Ok, have you tried [pointless thing]?
Me: No, because [reason 2] not [reason 1]
Them2: ok, no problem, i'll transfer you.
Me: ???
Them3: Ok, so we need to [new security thingy] is that right?
Me: Yes please.
Them3: Ok, i'll get that arranged, please hold for the security department to confirm.
Me: ???
Them4: Please confirm [blah blah]
Me: [Blah answer blah]
Them4: Ok, all done, I'll transfer you back to Them3 to get the order completed.
Me: [Head + wall = ow]
Them3: Ok, that will be sorted now, have a good day.

Four departments, just to send me something out by post, It seems department 1 was the sort of "front line" callcentre who route people through to relevant departments. Department 2 seemed to be the "troubleshoot the thingy" department. 3 were the "it's borked, send out a new one" group and number 4 was simply to ensure I was who I claimed.

It was just so...weird!

05-18-2015, 07:42 PM
I hate the security thingy. I don't know why they thought the best way to protect their customers is to have us make sure we don't lose the security thingy. Just put some security questions or something on your site.

05-18-2015, 08:43 PM
The reason is because:

1) People forget passwords, making them useless for real security.

2) Peoples' answers to "security questions" tend to be easily guessable with a little research, making them useless for real security.

3) You can't do biometrics over the phone.

05-19-2015, 12:32 AM
Yes but the security thingy also requires me to input a certain code I chose and could easily forget as well. plus it's a small physical thing I could lose.

Golden Phoenix
05-19-2015, 08:04 PM
To do internet banking with them you need:

Your internet banking ID number (two letters and 10 digits)
The answer to your memorable question
The code for your security thingy, which will then generate a unique code that you enter into the website. The security thingy is a physical device, about half the size of a credit card, that you should (apparently) carry with you at all times, it's on one of those little keychains that you get mobile phone charm thingies on, not the most secure.

If you want to transfer money you need a different procedure on your security thingy, and certain things via telephone banking also require another different procedure on the security thingy.

Best of luck if you lose or break the thingy.

My parent;s bank has a larger security thingy that you have to insert your bank card in to, not useful under certain circumstances in my opinion, such as the time DH was shopping and I was at home, he had the card, a bill had come out a day earlier than expected so I needed to transfer money from [Savings account] to [main account]. Couldn't have done that with their bank.

05-20-2015, 04:51 PM
To do internet banking with them you need:

Best of luck if you lose or break the thingy.

That's my point, it's supposed to be secure but it's frustrating to use. You're actually supposed to think about usability when designing these things.

05-21-2015, 01:44 PM
That's my point, it's supposed to be secure but it's frustrating to use. You're actually supposed to think about usability when designing these things.

Yep. If it's secure but so frustrating to use that users are driven to find ways around the security, well, then, it's not so secure anymore, is it?

05-22-2015, 01:38 AM
Sue's on First

05-22-2015, 06:27 PM
No,Who's on first

05-22-2015, 06:57 PM
Sue's on First

No,Who's on first

Sue was last seen entering the men's washroom.

05-22-2015, 07:06 PM
Sue was last seen entering the men's washroom.
Can Who even get to second base?

Ironclad Alibi
05-22-2015, 08:22 PM
No,Who's on first

I don't know. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTcRRaXV-fg)

Highlight for all the team members.

First base: Who
Second base: What
Third Base: I Donít Know
Catcher: Today
Pitcher: Tomorrow
Short stop: I Donít Give A Darn
Left field: Why
Center field: Because
Right field: Somebody

The sequel to the above linked skit (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0Jg7pvVzKk).