PDA

View Full Version : Advice on guys?


Eireann
05-23-2015, 03:58 PM
I'm on a dating site, and I've had quite a few guys contact me, almost always for the wrong reasons - well, wrong for me, anyway.

Yesterday, a guy contacted me who actually lives here, and he seems to be an okay person (and, yes, good-looking). He said he liked my profile very much. He wanted to know my name, and I told him I'd rather wait a little while before giving it to him. His username on the site is his real name, so I have an advantage there.

I suggested that we message a little while, then, if we're both interested, we can meet. He agreed. Now, he wants my phone number.

I've been involved with all the wrong guys in my life, and I don't know how it works with other guys, online or in person. Does online always move this fast? I've had a few guys give me their personal email addresses so I could email them rather than using the site, but I never did; I wanted to maintain anonymity on both sides until we knew each other better.

This guy seems eager to get to know me better, and vice versa. I'm just not used to the whole thing, and I'd like advice.

purple
05-23-2015, 07:09 PM
For me I never gave my number untill we where ready to meet in real life (public place, let someone know ect) just so we could text if something came up.

In saying that I normally meet with in two weeks of "meeting online". People can be very different online, a lot of time to think out replies. I preferred to meet for a coffee and see if we actually got on.

Some people it was obvious it wouldn't go past online friendship. Those people got added to my msn back in the day.

Buzzard
05-24-2015, 08:00 AM
Sadly, there's enough .... individuals on those dating/matchmaking sites to make one run for cover. Some want to rush things for some dream/obsession that YOU are the soulmate they've been waiting for (Umm, hello, what?) while others just want to get a relationship along to the point where they can try to scam money. Yeah, instant requests for details can be a warning sign. Beware the over-eager.
Me own mother has run afoul of several of the scam artists. In this age, we can Google details that we are given for a little double-checking. Some groups will put up some flimsy sites to back up boasts, but there's usually no real depth, or the details don't mesh/survive scrutiny.
Yes. The SCs also inhabit dating sites.

Eireann
05-24-2015, 02:03 PM
He wants friends here - he hasn't been living here long, and he wants to widen his circle of acquaintances, from what I understand. I went back and looked at his early messages, and he just talks about being friends. Since I'm also picky about friends, I'm just contacting him through the site now.

Jester
05-24-2015, 03:41 PM
Do what you are comfortable with, and don't let him or anyone else talk you into doing anything you are not comfortable with, be it contact information, timing, or whatever.

Optimist Jester says there are good guys out there, and this one may well be one of them.

Cynical Jester points out that there are also a lot of lowlife scum buckets out there, who will want to use you for sex, money, or whatever, and they will often pose as decent guys until they get what they want. Abusers also are fantastic as disguising themselves as good guys, often charming, often not obviously over charming.

And Realist Jester says that dating sites, just like any kind of dating, is a gamble. Sometimes you have to roll the dice. This guy could be a real swell guy, he could be the spawn of Satan, or he could be somewhere in between. And you're never gonna know the truth until you meet him, or perhaps long after that. Basically, go with your instincts, and do what you feel comfortable with when you feel comfortable doing it. But be on your guard, and be wary.

Finally, Uncle Jester advises you that, should you choose to meet this guy or anyone else though the site, make the first meeting somewhere very public, and always have some form of self-defense, whatever you feel comfortable with. And always aim for the groin, eyes, throat, or knees.

Eireann
05-24-2015, 05:36 PM
Thanks for the advice.

He pulled the "b" word on me, by which I mean, "beautiful". Nope, uh-uh, no way. The guys who have used that word with me have used many other words that nobody should have to hear. In my experience, guys who call you beautiful on short acquaintance are, at best, clueless. At worst, shit-sucking motherfuckers. So no more messaging with this guy.

Greenday
05-24-2015, 06:45 PM
Meh, my experience is meeting people online goes quick. 99% of the people on there are either there to date or hook up. Once you figure out you are both on the same page, what's the point of waiting to meet to see if you click? Things in person are never the same online. I dunno. There's just so much you can learn about a person when you meet in person you can't figure out from being online. Some people seem super nice, then once you finally meet, they treat other people around like crap and are a totally different person. Also people generally don't look exactly like they do in their profile pictures. Everyone tends to use their most flattering pictures and I've had a few surprises.

It doesn't take me long to decide if I want to meet up with someone or not. Just pick somewhere public where there's no pressure on either person.

As for him calling you beautiful, that's a word I don't usually use around women other than my wife or family. It's awkward. I'll compliment a haircut or nails or outfits, etc. Someone's body? Naw.

Eireann
05-25-2015, 07:45 AM
I'm just going to delete my profile. Not because this guy contacted me, but because I've been on that site for years now, and rather than meeting Mr. Right, I've met a couple of guys who seemed good to know, but have since deleted their profiles. And then a slew of Mr. Wrongs. If something were to happen, I think it would have happened by now.

Bright_Star
05-25-2015, 12:55 PM
Take your time meeting someone online in real life. Chat with them online for a while & then when you feel comfortable, talk on the phone & do that for a while. & when you do meet in person make sure u meet in a crowded public place. & IF he's trying to force u to meet sooner than u would like then move on. Follow your instincts!

Eireann
05-25-2015, 06:29 PM
I've deleted my profile. This guy won't be able to find me (not that I was worried about that anyway), and I will no longer get messages from guys who think "don't contact me if..." means "contact me regardless of what I say, because I don't know my own mind."

I'm just tired of the whole thing, really. I met a few guys on the site who seemed to be worth getting to know better, but some of them deleted their profiles without telling me first, and one told me that he had met someone else on the site and that they planned to meet in the next few months. This guy told me that if things didn't work out, and he ended up creating a profile on the site again, he would check to see if I were still there and drop me a hello.

I don't want that. If I'm not going to be the one he deletes his profile for, I'm not going to be his Plan B if things don't work out with Plan A. Or not even his Plan B; his person to talk to since Plan A didn't happen.

So... well, maybe I'm just out of luck on the guy front. I'm not into Czech men, and almost all foreign men here are married to Czech women.

icmedia
05-25-2015, 09:08 PM
When I was doing the online thing for a while, I wasn't there to get to know girls, then start dating; I was mostly interested in a basic introduction and then, if we clicked, a first in-person date. Despite the fact that I've been online for decades, and run a cellphone store, I absolutely hate talking to people online vs. in-person.

I had more than a few girls whom I'd messaged for a while turn out to be grade-A losers when it came to a live date. I understand that some people prefer anonymity for reasons of fear or apprehension, but really what's the difference between a quick chat online and a first date over, say, meeting a girl at a bookstore then a first date?

I guess I don't get the benefit of seeing it from a woman's side, because women never messaged me for sex or nefarious reasons, nor did I do the same. I don't know, it always just seemed like the girls who wanted a long, drawn-out online courtship were a little suspicious-I worried about being catfished or just let down in person by a complete lack of chemistry.

Shangri-laschild
05-27-2015, 06:03 PM
I think it's going to depend person to person. My roommate did the online dating thing and met his current girlfriend that way. They emailed back and forth for a while before they even met. That's what worked for them. I tend to be shy and have an easier time communicating online first. Makes it easier for me to meet them in person if I've already gotten the hang of talking to them a little. I do agree with the fact that not everyone is the same online as they are in person. Even the people being completely honest about who they are can be very different without meaning to be or realizing it. I don't think there is any wrong or right way to do it, you just have to do what works best for you and either it works for the other person or it doesn't.