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View Full Version : That's not the way to ask for help


HotelMinion
06-26-2015, 03:41 AM
I saw a man with two thick casts on his feet and legs, on crutches in the street late at night. He was going very slowly and I was passing by.
I look at him, thinking he needed help and then I saw a piece of paper fall and land between his legs. He looks down, looks up at me, glares and says "Someone help me get this f**king paper."
I get closer, unsure of what to do. On one hand, he was maybe in his fifties we should always help the disabled and whatnot. On the other, he comes off as hostile and it's very dark and late at night. I'm a female all alone with him, there wasn't anyone else close by. As I stood there, he looks straight at me raises his eyebrows and says again "Help me get this f***in' paper, you F***!!!"
SO I go. Away that is. If you want help, that is not the way to ask for it. I heard him yell "F*** Yoo"
However, looking back, I feel bad. Maybe he just got out of surgery and was in pain. But I just didn't feel safe in the dark. Maybe during the day.
WHat would YOU have done

bhskittykatt
06-26-2015, 10:42 AM
That guy was an ass plus you didn't feel safe. I think you were justified in leaving him to his own devices in that instance.

drjonah
06-26-2015, 10:43 AM
With THAT kind of attitude???? You definitely did the right thing.

taxguykarl
06-26-2015, 01:22 PM
Agreed, crutches make for nasty weapons. Your instincts were likely correct. Non-assholes say 'please'.

Buzzard
06-26-2015, 03:05 PM
I can imagine that the old guy's had a rough day, and that paper falling was just another irritant in a long day. It happens. I'm usually willing to grant a bit of help/understanding to someone in obvious distress/pain, especially when there's some attempt at civility made.
That moment when he flares up at potential help? Yeah, that one's on you, buddy. Have fun saving your paperwork.

Teskeria
06-26-2015, 03:47 PM
I believe Ted Bundy used a fake cast to look helpless? If you don't feel safe, you retreat. feeling bad is better than raped or dead. period. end of story.
I might have said something like 'I don't assist impolite a**holes. Try finding your manners."

April
06-26-2015, 04:14 PM
With the way he was acting? I think not. I try to be very empathetic towards people, but I would not have assisted him in anyway. A) he is already appearing highly aggressive. B) you just don't talk to people that way. Period.

eltf177
06-26-2015, 04:18 PM
You want my help? You ask politely. The second you start cursing at me you can forget it!:devil:

You absolutely did the right thing. Even if he was having a bad day taking it out on strangers when he needs their help is so far beyond clueless it's pathetic...:eek:

BlaqueKatt
06-26-2015, 05:54 PM
I believe Ted Bundy used a fake cast to look helpless? If you don't feel safe, you retreat. feeling bad is better than raped or dead. period. end of story.

I was just going to say that. two leg casts with crutches seems a bit suspicious, especially as you aren't supposed to walk on casts.

Agent Paperclip
06-26-2015, 06:58 PM
Were there any people around?

For me, even if it was late at night, if there were some people around like in a parking lot or busy sidewalk I would help the guy out without fear for my own safety and just ignore his first rude response and figure he was just in pain and having a bad day. Some people in his situation quickly realize they're being rude and quickly apologize. However, this guy just kept on being rude so no, I would NOT help him and walk away.

Seshat
06-26-2015, 08:58 PM
Disabled people can be assholes, or even dangerous. We're not saints just because we're disabled.

Also, how do you know he was disabled? As someone said upthread, it might have been fake for whatever reason. Anything from a chance to look up a pretty woman's skirt to .. well, the worst you can think of.
Now, that's not as likely as him being genuinely injured. But I do agree that two casts & crutches seems unlikely. So I'm not sure whether he was genuinely injured or not.


At any rate: your personal safety is your highest priority. If your instincts said that helping him would be unsafe, then you did the right thing.

If you had no help available at close range, in case he did try anything, you did the right thing.

I think you did fine.

morgana
06-26-2015, 11:01 PM
I believe Ted Bundy used a fake cast to look helpless?

And in at least one case, crutches. I'd have abandoned Mr. Pottymouth as well.

MoonCat
06-27-2015, 03:14 AM
My safety comes before an asshole's paperwork. I would've walked away too.

I think your instincts were telling you to be careful. I always follow gut instincts. Worse that could happen if I walk away is what? Classless assclown doesn't get his paper back? I can live with that.

Monterey Jack
06-27-2015, 03:15 AM
I believe Ted Bundy used a fake cast to look helpless?


Buffalo Bill also used one in Silence Of The Lambs. :wave:

WishfulSpirit
06-27-2015, 03:42 AM
My bet is this guy was actually injured. If he had any sense, he'd have asked for help nicely if he was going to pull something. Then again, crooks aren't always too smart.

I had a similar experience. I was out later than I should have been (got lost on the Denver bus system) and someone demanded of me where the nearest liquor store was. I said I was sorry, hadn't been in this part of town before, and maybe they could ask at the local pizza shop. Said person's companion said (in a rather snotty tone) "but they're closed now!" Like it was my job to be their personal tour guide.

HotelMinion
06-27-2015, 02:05 PM
My bet is this guy was actually injured. If he had any sense, he'd have asked for help nicely if he was going to pull something. Then again, crooks aren't always too smart.

Yeah, that's what I thought too. If he was trying to assault me, wouldn't he say something nicer? Then I would've... helped..eek!:eek:
So I think he was really injured and having a bad day. I guess I could've called the non emergency line for police and said something like "there's a man who's swearing and needs help" and even if I got laughed at, at least I tried, right? But all I could think while hurrying off was, danger! Get away now! He'll wear your skin as a suit.

raudf
06-28-2015, 02:36 AM
Unless he was dying, at that point, I would have walked on too. He wasn't asking for help, he was demanding it and he certainly wasn't asking you for help.

I have two parents who are stubborn about asking for help. The difference is they'll have tried on their own repeated and once defeat has finally set in, ask politely for help. Mom had both legs broken and tried to pick up a pen on her own. Dad finally got tired of her not asking and got her a grab and grip stick so she could do it for herself. No, she wasn't trying to avoid asking, not really. It's just a family trait of, "I can do it, I know I can! Just got to find a way."