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View Full Version : *UPDATE* Please tell me all woman aren't like that.


Plaidman
08-06-2006, 01:48 PM
So there is this new girl I just trained last night. (We just got off 45 minutes ago).

She's smart, (She learned faster then any of the other 12 people I've trained) funny (In the slight sarcastic way I like) and beautiful. Not to mention she's strong. Both physically and mentally, (She isn't like buff or even toned, but strong. ya know what I mean? O_o). So it's like all the traits I like in a girl all in one. She's a few years older then me, and the topic of boyfriends/girlfriends came up. (Her friend came in and I mentioned later they were a cute couple, the way the talked and acted I thought they were) she proclaimed they were just friends, and she doesn't belive in giving herself to a guy etc etc.

So I'm rather depress that another girl i have intreest in has zero, or maybe a small intrest in me.

Seriously, how the hell are couples formed ><. I might have a shot. Any advice or words of encouragment are welcomed and wanted =)

Plaidman
08-07-2006, 08:50 PM
Holy Crap update!

We got to talking last night, and let me tell you I pick up subtle signs about as well as a book likes to swim.

But some customer called her cute, she said she thought I was cute. She told me that she likes smart guys. SHE SAID SHE WANTS TO GO TO COFFEE OR PARK WITH ME.

And the best one I thought? "The more I'm working with you, the more attractive you are to me"

and she wasn't lying. For once a girl wasn't twisting my heart or messing with me. I cna't belive I have a chance at something like this. I'm so excited !

RapidPad0
08-08-2006, 10:57 PM
Oooo! Congrats congrats.

Well since I suck at this kind of advice and dont want to spew cliches like "be yourself blah blah", I'll keep my fingers crossed that this develops into what you're looking for. You deserve it from what I've read in the past.

Go get 'er!

PuckishOne
08-08-2006, 11:16 PM
Girl talkin' here, so listen up... :D

Don't assume that she's not "messing with you" (for, sadly, some women get their rocks off by doing that) but by the same token, don't assume that she is.

Go with what's happening in the moment, which is that she's said some very nice things to & about you, which is an excellent start. :)

Don't be afraid to be yourself, to take chances, or to get hurt, because all of these things will happen - repeatedly - so, as the saying goes, lie back and enjoy it. Take a deep breath, smile...and relax.

Good luck and keep us posted!! :wave:

Kiwi
08-08-2006, 11:45 PM
holy crap your so cute when your excited

chliche but be yourself (if she doesnt like you for you, then shes not gonna like you at all anyway, nothing you can do about it)


try to relax, relax, relax. be cool, be calm, be friendly

HAVE FUN

but most important, take. your.time

she doesnt need to be your girlfriend tomorrow, or even next week, take your time and get to know her first.

take, your, time!

One-Fang
08-09-2006, 04:40 AM
You work with this girl? I hope things do go well for you, but do keep in the back of your mind that lots of people have personal rules against dating at work. It can backfire if things don't eventually work out "happy ever after".

Other than that, what the others said. Enjoy the here and now, take your time, and just go with the flow. Sounds like a very positive start. :)

Sphinx
08-09-2006, 03:37 PM
Good luck with everything!!:D

Plaidman
08-10-2006, 02:33 PM
As some of you may know, a coworker did the unthinkable and rarest thing ever in my life. Hit on me. Flirted with me. Wants me to go out with her. So I learned a bit more about her. Guess what??

1: SHE IS MARRIED!! She claims she's not really, but she is. Hard to explain, and she's getting a divorce. In anycase they are 'roommates' for now. Who live in a stuido apartment together.

2: She and a customer both admitted to me that they are both having an affair with each other. (So she's /cheating/ on her husband, he is cheating on his girlfriend.

3: I started thinking back, and she didn't show any intrest in me til after I told her I was an assisant manager, and never had held hands with a girl, let alone have a girlfriend. I thought just maybe, maybe 16 hours was enough for someone to get attracted to someone, but I think she see's dollar signs. cause If I screwed up, sexual harassment. (Now I'm a gentleman (I HOPE!) but I didn't even think about touching her til we were going out, and even then only after she did the first move.

So I mean, two days ago she gave me her cell number and a flower, and said she liked me unshaven. That I'm smartm, and she really wants to go out with me.

I can't. I can't and it hurt. It hurt to replay the video that my manager showed of her kissing (and I MEAN KISSING) her husband/roomate that she is getting a divorce cause he cheated on her. The whole thing is complicated, and apparently there is a third guy involved too from what my manager said.

I can't go out with her. I'd feel like crap. Its so damn wrong to cheat on people. I thought trust and comfort was the number one thing in relationships? I don't know how to say no to her. I don't even know if I have the courage on saying it to her, other then avoid her as much as possible because it's so damn wrong. I need strength. How would you all do this?

The thing that kills me the most? I was stupid enough to think a girl liked me any shape and form without a utroior motive.

Rapscallion
08-10-2006, 07:32 PM
I'm no expert on matters of the heart, but every instinct I have upon hearing your tale is screaming that you should run.

Be polite about it, but ignore her advances. She's playing every side against the middle. She also knows she's attractive and is using it for her advantage. If you give in, she's going to drop you like she dropped her husband and keep you dangling for a while until she decides who she prefers.

She sounds as if she can't make up her mind. Don't get hurt in her decision-making process.

Rapscallion

Kiwi
08-10-2006, 07:34 PM
she sounds like a total cougar to me

run run for the hills

im sorry it did work out :(

toolbert
08-10-2006, 07:44 PM
I agree with Kiwi, just high tail it out of there. She's obviously looking at you more for your position than anything else. You're also an assistant at your store and that's a huge, huge, huge, huge, huge no no. You don't want to lose your job because someone is trying to get "up" in the world. If you met on different terms, then it might be ok. Also, cheaters never ever prosper and not to sound cliche, but: once a cheater, always a cheater.

PuckishOne
08-10-2006, 07:48 PM
I was stupid enough to think a girl liked me any shape and form without a ulterior motive.
No, no, no, no, NO - a thousand times NO!! This is nothing to do with you, Plaidman. You are NOT the problem here. You are NOT stupid.

She is at best immature, at worst a whore. What married woman encourages men to court her, seriously?? Is that the kind of person you want to be with? You sound like an incredibly decent guy and, while I know it hurts to be treated that way (oh boy do I know!), you will have chances to be with women who are not that way, who are decent like you and will be worthy of the time and consideration you give to them.

Raps is right - she's using her looks to get attention or heaven-knows-what. Don't fall for it, Plaidman, you're better than that. Waiting sucks, it's the worst part of life as far as I'm concerned, but your time will come, you have to remember that.

Sorry if I came out swinging there...I'm angry as hell that women pull that kind of :censored:, and it's a shame that you had to be on the receiving end of it. Hang in there, Plaidman. :hug:

*removes quasi-parental hat and steps down from soapbox*

kerrisan
08-10-2006, 07:50 PM
I'm so sorry that this has happened, Plaidman. But I agree with everyone else; DO NOT get involved with her any further.

I know this is cliche and you probably really don't want to hear it, but you will find the perfect woman for you someday. You sound very sweet and charming and any girl would be lucky to have you. But not a girl who would cheat on her husband.

I know it's difficult to come back from something like this; I was in an abusive relationship for a year and remember how much it hurt. But you need to try to learn from this experience rather than let it get you down. It will strengthen you; it really will.

:hug:

Ryu
08-10-2006, 08:02 PM
I'm sorry you had to go through that. I've also dealt with women acting like they like me even though they dont albeit for different reasons. It sucks, but its definitely not how all women are, even if you're not dating left and right thats NOT a bad thing!

digilight
08-10-2006, 08:37 PM
Let me start by saying I'm sorry and that sucks. Now lets get down to business. Don't beat yourself up over this girl (I refuse to call her a woman because she sounds like to immature - thats as nice as I can put it - to call her a woman). In all actuallity, consider yourself lucky for the following reasons. You dating a subordinate at work (usually frowned upon). And most importantly she sounds like a whore who uses people. You deserve better then that. And if the right one hasn't come along yet, give it time, she will.

One-Fang
08-10-2006, 09:18 PM
I like you Plaidman. You're warm and caring, and you give good advice to people.

Walk away here. Just tell her you don't date married people period. She's unlikely to come back after the divorce is final and try again.

Wow. What a cow. It must hurt to think you were liked for you and then find out there was an ulterior motive. But like the others said, don't panic too much. Hang in there. She may not have actually liked you, but someone will one day. I do think, though, that it won't be in 16 hours. :) Takes time to really know you like someone.

Phoenix79
08-10-2006, 09:39 PM
I agree, you need to back away from this woman while you still can.

As far as how to back off, maybe you could just explain that, like many people, you don't date anyone you work with?

I'm a girl, and I also tend to think you should say something along the lines of "Don't you have enough men in your life right now? I don't date people I work with, anyway, but thanks for the offer!" But like I said, I'm a girl, and girls that do that crap make me angry.

She definitley isn't worth your time. You seem like a really great guy!! Not all of us girls are like that, good for you for being intelligent enough to figure this one out before you got sucked in.

LadyMage
08-10-2006, 10:35 PM
*ahem* Coming into this thread a bit late, but now just reread all the updates.

I have two main things to say regarding this:
1. YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM HERE. You are an extremely decent guy who happened upon a can of worms halfway open.

2. Dude, run. Run fast, because you are dodging a bullet and the last thing you need is for it to catch up to you.

Consider the situation: you're an AM, she's an employee. She's already sleeping with a customer. Also think on this: is said customer and the (ex)husband the only ones? And you pegged it exactly right - she can sic sexual harassment on you if you so much as said hello to her, regardless of whether any conversation, etc were mutual. *keeps legal hat in case for now*

Not to call her a whore, I don't know her side of this, but what she's doing is inappropriate at best and actively cruel at worst.

Agreeing with Puck, again: YOU ARE NOT STUPID. YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM. The problem is, this girl's got baggage and came after you for who-knows-what.

And yes, women pull all kinds of shit - as a woman, I can say this, if only such wits were to be put to engineering, egad, we'd have some majorly cool inventions by now.

Plaidman
08-10-2006, 11:33 PM
:) thank you all for the advice. It cheered me up when I needed it. Your all right too. I'm not stupid, and she doesn't deserve me anyway! =). It really meant alot to me that you guys talked to me, thank you.

BunnyJas
08-10-2006, 11:52 PM
I echo everyone that said RUN. This obviously is a situation that you do not want yourself involved in. You sound like a very nice, smart, fun guy and you don't deserve to be put through the ringer by this chick. Women like her make all of us look bad.

I'd like to give you a saying that helped me when I was frustrated about finding the right guy. Ever heard the saying, "No one ever made an omelette without breaking a few eggs?" I knew that if I started dating, I was probably going to get hurt again. However if I never dated because I was afraid of getting hurt, then I'd definately never find that special someone. I chose to take my chances with dating and eventually I did find that special guy. Dust yourself off and try again. We are rooting for ya!

Spiffy McMoron
08-11-2006, 12:11 AM
And yes, women pull all kinds of shit - as a woman, I can say this, if only such wits were to be put to engineering, egad, we'd have some majorly cool inventions by now.

Is that why we don't have anti-gravity boots? Cause, if I had one of those, I would be able to rock-climb like it's going out of style... :p

But seriously, you did the right thing by dropping that girl like she was a hot potato-you look better off for it, and you avoid all of the fallout. (And there would be a fallout, to be sure)

Greenday
08-11-2006, 01:09 AM
Heh, women, can't live with them, can't live without...wait yes you can.

A lil over a year ago, I had been hanging out with this one girl for about two months. I had really liked her. I was even going to ask her out. Then I went to her sweet 16 party. Her bestfriend was going around, introducing some guy to everyone, I just figured it was the bestfriend's boyfriend. He was introduced as the boyfriend of the girl I liked. Funny how over those two months, she completely neglected to mention him to me. It's just the kind of thing a lot of women do. Quite unfortunate. Luckily, we all know that the girls on here aren't like that. They are cool. We need more women to be like the ones on CS.

Cia
08-11-2006, 07:06 PM
She is a cad, plain and simple. You on the other hand are a nice guy and she thinks that you are just a toy to be played with and discarded. Talk to her only when you have to for business purposes otherwise have nothing to do with her. She is not worthy of you.

Mr. Rude
08-11-2006, 08:23 PM
:runaway: :runaway: :runaway:

nuff said. ;)

blas
08-13-2006, 05:39 AM
As much as I love to shake my man hating finger and always blame it on the men and claim they are always at fault......I am just biased and wrong.

I am a woman, and I will say it (even though it goes against my own gender). Women are DAMN GOOD at playing games. We women know we're beautiful and we can get what we want. There are girls like me who are pretty, yet mellow and, well, modest. Others use their...assets (no pun intended) to nab guys and get what they want, be it money, sex, or whatever. TV doesn't always lie, there are lots of married women out there who have affairs. Desperate Housewives isn't THAT far from reality (just not all housewives are that gorgeous, lol).

Unfortunately, men aren't always good at picking up on things. No offense, not to be mean, but guys can't take slight hints. Also, that means that guys don't always pick up on ulterior motives and mind games.

Just get away as fast as you can. It's nothing you did and it's nothing you can help. This girl has TROUBLE written on her forehead, and you do NOT want to be her next victim, so run for the hills.

There are plenty of wonderful girls out there who are waiting to be treated with respect and dignity.

You come across as a very caring, very wonderful guy. There are not many of them left out there. It might seem like girls like assholes, but trust me, deep down, every girl wants to be treated like a real lady. You are one of those guys who has that capability. I honestly believe that you could make a woman very happy. Don't be shy, and don't give up!

ditchdj
08-13-2006, 05:18 PM
There are plenty of wonderful girls out there who are waiting to be treated with respect and dignity.

What I have found is that all of them already have boyfriends or husbands.

:(

In fact, my love life was so bad that I had to actually "oursource" my love life and move 450 miles away to find someone decent to be with. Finding someone good to be with is like landing a good job: they both are in very short supply and it's very difficult to land either.

Broomjockey
08-13-2006, 09:01 PM
I heard a funny comedian once say "Women always complain how they can never find a good man. You know how to tell the good guys? Well women, they're the ones you're b**ching to about all the dogs you're sleeping with!"

I've found the same thing. Any girl I have the slightest bit of interest in, they are already in long term relationships, or constantly dating jack@$$es that they complain about. And if I ever express said interest, pick your cliché. :(

At least the upside is I've never had to deal with any harpies or harridans trying to use me for their own nefarious purposes.

Ryu
08-14-2006, 03:45 AM
that quote is OH SO TRUE broomjockey!
all my friends who are girls constantly moan to me about how they cant find a good guy and all men are scum
umm hello?

ditchdj
08-14-2006, 04:37 AM
Sometimes you have to sift through a lot of weeds to get to the flowers.

One-Fang
08-14-2006, 05:02 AM
There are two truths about what women want.

1. We want a sensitive guy, who will treat us with respect and dignity, who will listen, who we can laugh and play with, and who shares many of the same values.

2. We want a rough, tough guy who knows "how to treat his woman right". We want to know our man is strong. We want a popular guy so we can be seen to have the 'right' person in our lives.

They are mutually exclusive, and yet, both right.

I guess the bottom line is, we want to date guy number 2, but marry guy number 1. :)

TNT
08-14-2006, 05:09 AM
I heard a funny comedian once say "Women always complain how they can never find a good man. You know how to tell the good guys? Well women, they're the ones you're b**ching to about all the dogs you're sleeping with!"


An anonymous person on an anonymous forum wrote this... and it often seems true:

"A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired."

Greenday
08-14-2006, 06:12 AM
There are two truths about what women want.

1. We want a sensitive guy, who will treat us with respect and dignity, who will listen, who we can laugh and play with, and who shares many of the same values.

2. We want a rough, tough guy who knows "how to treat his woman right". We want to know our man is strong. We want a popular guy so we can be seen to have the 'right' person in our lives.

They are mutually exclusive, and yet, both right.

I guess the bottom line is, we want to date guy number 2, but marry guy number 1. :)

The problem for girls is, us guys #1s don't want to hear too many sob stories about how guys #2s treat them like crap. Girls seem to have no trouble telling us their woes with their jerky boyfriends. And then, later on, when the girl realizes that she really does want us #1s, we just think back to what the girl used to think about us and we really aren't interested anymore. It's a crappy cycle. Lucky for me, my girlfriend likes me for who I am, despite the fact that I'm not really popular and I'm not a rough, tough guy all the time.

Rapscallion
08-14-2006, 08:07 AM
Romance - best enjoyed as a spectator sport.

Rapscallion

NightAngel
08-14-2006, 08:47 AM
We're not really all like that. I swear.

These women are just like SC's. They are actually few and far between but they're the assholes you remember at the end of the day.

Plaidman
08-14-2006, 02:26 PM
Thank you all, really for the advice and comments. I feel better about it. Don't know how to really turn her down, since she /really/ wants us to hang out.

I got to stick to my beliefs on this. The woman is married, and cheating on her husband. Plus I'm her boss, and we have polcies on that. It was just nice to have a girl give me any kind of attention like that, so I gotta thank her for that. I think. Maybe?

scruff
08-14-2006, 02:50 PM
positive attention's usually nice.
:-)
I suggest you just thank her, but say you can't date due to you working together, don't get into the whole cheating/married thing.
You'll find someone outside work with no strings sooner or later.

NightAngel
08-14-2006, 03:02 PM
I agree with scruff. Just tell her that you don't want to get fired and you would not want her to be in a position to get fired or on any type of corrective action or probation, etc.

Saying anything about her being married/cheating will only open a can of worms as they say.
In the end you still are the nice guy and you've stuck to what you believe.

XCashier
08-14-2006, 06:58 PM
A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way.
That was a good comparison. I like that.

Me, I'm a woman who's had male friends like that, so it does work both ways. They might like the geeky, librarian-type woman as a friend, might even consider her kind of cute, but the guy really wants the beautiful movie star look-alike. Then when it turns out she's arrogant, shallow, dumb and/or cruel, he complains to his geeky woman friend about how he's being treated!

I guess the moral is, consider the inner person, not the outward appearance. That geeky, librarian-type might just be the right one for you! :)

Back OT, Plaidman, you're right for getting out of that situation. No good could have possibly come of it. If you want to meet a good woman, maybe you could try your house of worship (if you have one), or join a club or organization of something that interests you. There are good women out there who want a good and decent man.

LadyMage
08-14-2006, 08:49 PM
Broomjockey, if you ONLY knew how right you are. I've been in a similar quandary and I've seen these quandaries exclusively in every gender situation possible.

And it's enough to drive a saint to cursing.

It's like this - and this is from my past experience. I will hear out my friend bitch to me about how he doesn't trust his girlfriend, blah blah blah, you're such a good friend, I wish I had someone like you....uh, open eyes, poindexter, there's aqn open INVITATION here! But yeah. having the entire "you're such a great friend" thin when you want to hear "let's have dinner", that's about as pleasant as getting a surgery with lemon juice and salt in lieu of anesthesia.

technical.angel
08-17-2006, 09:10 PM
Heh, women, can't live with them, can't live without...wait yes you can.
(sic)
We need more women to be like the ones on CS.

And there, Greenday, you both risked and saved your life.

Congrats! ;)

Jenni :angel: