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View Full Version : No. We don't have that condom.


Plaidman
08-23-2007, 03:40 PM
Man comes in with his friend, gushing about how great his friend is, that his friend is his best friend ever, the coolest man ever etc etc etc blah blah.

He asks where the condoms are since he has a really hot girlfriend he wants to <censer>. I point to where they are. Plaid only sells one kind of condoms. Durex condoms. He wants to know where the Trojans are. I repeat, we ONLY HAVE DUREX. He asks if I have any trojans in the back. I repeat, only durex. Do we keep any other condoms with the dirty magazines.

NO WE ONLY HAVE DUREX!!!

He then says that she is allergic to durex.

... and that if I have any other condoms.

RecoveringKinkoid
08-23-2007, 03:57 PM
All I can say is hope Durex condoms don't break.

Becks
08-23-2007, 03:58 PM
Too bad you couldn't have sent him to me.

I have a few mint Trojans and a few Lifestyles.

:blink:

Uh...yeah.

Don't ask.

NotSoInnocent
08-23-2007, 04:07 PM
Too bad you couldn't have sent him to me.

I have a few mint Trojans and a few Lifestyles.

:blink:

Uh...yeah.

Don't ask.

You have mint???? I have banana and chocolate... hmmmm... Mint Chocolate Banana Split flavored condoms.

Oh dear Gods.

I'll leave it at that...

Jadedcarguy
08-23-2007, 04:09 PM
He then says that she is allergic to durex.



I think he meant "he" is allergic. Pretty sure his friend is a little more than that. To each their own I guess.

Jadedcarguy
08-23-2007, 04:09 PM
Too bad you couldn't have sent him to me.

I have a few mint Trojans and a few Lifestyles.

:blink:

Uh...yeah.

Don't ask.

You have mint???? I have banana and chocolate... hmmmm... Mint Chocolate Banana Split flavored condoms.

Oh dear Gods.

I'll leave it at that...

Alright, you two, I'm getting the creepy vibe. ;)

Neo_Classic
08-23-2007, 04:11 PM
Man comes in with his friend, gushing about how great his friend is, that his friend is his best friend ever, the coolest man ever etc etc etc blah blah.


Was he referring to what I think he was referring to? :eek: If so, no one who is good or great brags. ;)

NotSoInnocent
08-23-2007, 04:12 PM
Alright, you two, I'm getting the creepy vibe. ;)

Blame it on my sleep deprivation... The result of a broken condom is currently suffering from colic. And I'm suffering along with him. (*breaks down in tears* Oh WHY won't you stop crying!!! :cry::cry::cry: ) I'm ok... really.

Imogene
08-23-2007, 04:53 PM
He then says that she is allergic to durex.

'Durex'? You can be allergic to a brand of condoms? I wonder if he meant to say 'allergic to latex'?

Banrion
08-23-2007, 04:59 PM
It might not be the latex, but the lubricant. Trojans are latex too, but I am betting different brands use different lubes.

Plaidman
08-23-2007, 05:06 PM
They're all condoms to me.

RammsteinGirl
08-23-2007, 05:33 PM
Gah, I would've gave him some free condoms to ensure that his knuckle-dragging self doesn't reproduce and create dumb offspring.

trunks2k
08-23-2007, 05:34 PM
It might not be the latex, but the lubricant. Trojans are latex too, but I am betting different brands use different lubes.

But lubes tend to have the same sort of base. I'm not aware of any real difference between your basic non spermicidal water based lubricants that would make you allergic to one but not another. Besides, you can get condoms without lubricant on them. Then again, some people have some crazy allergies.

Bright_Star
08-23-2007, 05:38 PM
So if he's allergic & that makes him "swell" &.....oh...uh..nevermind.....lol.

Jester
08-23-2007, 06:38 PM
All I can say is hope Durex condoms don't break.

Durex condoms are absolutely guaranteed never to break!*










*Provided, of course, you don't take them out of the wrapper. :lol:

Soulstealer
08-24-2007, 02:26 AM
Too bad you couldn't have sent him to me.

I have a few mint Trojans and a few Lifestyles.

:blink:

Uh...yeah.

Don't ask.

I've never gotten mint before, are they as good as they sound?

bendertiger
08-24-2007, 02:32 AM
Why do I keep thinking of computers when I hear the word 'Trojan' :lol:

Greenday
08-24-2007, 02:34 AM
Sounds like a BS excuse to me. Allergic to Durex indeed. Durex is better than Trojan anyway.

Becks
08-24-2007, 02:41 AM
I've never gotten mint before, are they as good as they sound?

Haven't actually TRIED it. I just have a few.

You have mint???? I have banana and chocolate... hmmmm... Mint Chocolate Banana Split flavored condoms.


Interesting. Realistic taste?


Alright, you two, I'm getting the creepy vibe. ;)

Blah to you. :p I'd expect that sort of reaction from GK...

aurelemsrealm
08-24-2007, 03:16 AM
This thread reminds me of a funny story from a few years ago. It's one of those Prom night kind of stories, but I laughed about it all night long.

I was working graveyard shift at the store where I worked then, and was less than enthusiastic about being at work that time of early morning. I'd just finished fighting off the last of the drunken barhoppers displaced by last call. I was fully immersed in that stupor of being half awake and completely disinterested as I worked through the nightly chore list. I usually spaced it out with plenty of coffee and cigarette breaks so I wouldn't get done too quickly. Few customers and no manager to find extra tasks for me to do were the only perks of graveyard shift to my way of thinking.

So, this kid who looked like he was no more than 16 comes flying up to the parking spaces in front of the building. At that time of morning, I don't hurry for anything. My sense of urgency simply does not exist except when it comes to replenishing my caffeine buzz lest I become cranky with anyone who dares annoy me. The kid blows past me through the door like a whirlwind running up and down the aisles. I put out my cigarette, and slowly walk behind the counter.

The kid asks where the condoms are after passing them at least twice, so I point to the aisle. He finally spots them. They're all 3-packs of Lifestyles. That's all we carried. He picks up several boxes, studying them.

He looks at me confused, "Do they only come in packs of three?"

"We only have the three-packs there. The only other ones we have are the singles in the machine in the men's room."

He gives me another puzzled look, "You mean you don't have any bigger packs?"

I bit my lip to stifle my laughter at that point. *Someone's a little excitable,* I kept thinking to myself. My inner demon was speaking volumes of mischief, but I was nice instead.

"Nope, just the three-packs you see there and the singles in the men's room."

He snatched up a couple of packs and rushed to the register. I rang them up, and he threw a $20 bill on the counter. "Keep the change!"

He was out the door before I could say much else. He was pulling out of the parking lot by the time I got to the door. The station was on the edge of town near the intersection of the main drag passing through town and the highway passing around the town. The kid ran the red light and made a bee line straight for the Ramada just down the highway.

It was a comical scene watching his tail lights. I'm not so sure this kid took time to park before he was back in his hotel room.

Must've been his first time. I don't think I've ever seen anyone so excitable.

Seshat
08-24-2007, 03:25 AM
But lubes tend to have the same sort of base. I'm not aware of any real difference between your basic non spermicidal water based lubricants that would make you allergic to one but not another. Besides, you can get condoms without lubricant on them. Then again, some people have some crazy allergies.

I don't know whether it's an allergy or not, but (to be discreet) with certain brands, not necessarily the same ones, both my husband and I get unpleasant reactions. So we used to be extremely fussy about brands. Now I have an IUD and we don't worry about it.

Anyway, you have anecdotal evidence that some people do have reason to prefer specific brands due to reactions.

Imogene
08-24-2007, 03:25 AM
In re: thread title...
"Yes, we have no bananas" just popped into my head.

Kitten in the box
08-24-2007, 03:46 AM
... He then says that she is allergic to durex.

... and that if I have any other condoms.

:rolleyes: "Yeah sure pal we have other condoms...what kind? DUREX. that's spelled D-U-R-E-X.":rolleyes:

MOD EDIT:
Please don't quote entire post- we've already read it.

i4wolves
08-24-2007, 04:00 AM
NO WE ONLY HAVE DUREX!!!

He then says that she is allergic to durex.

... and that if I have any other condoms.

I really hope that he decided to go to a different store and buy condoms that she is not allergic too, because he is too dumb to bring a child into this world.

Jadedcarguy
08-24-2007, 04:34 AM
Blah to you. :p I'd expect that sort of reaction from GK...

I can't be GK. My way with words is inadequate and the great white north scares me.

MadMike
08-24-2007, 04:56 AM
This is somewhat related to this thread, but it's too good not to tell.

My supervisor had a party at her house a few weeks ago, and I've learned a long time ago that while everyone behaves themselves at work, when you get them out of the office and some alcohol into them, I seem surprisingly normal by comparison.

Anyway, one of my coworkers told me a story about one of our recently retired coworkers that I really didn't want to know.

This doesn't happen as much these days, since most people have a computer of their own, but years ago, it was quite common for people to type up personal letters and print them off on our printer.

My very drunk coworker told me that one day he went to get something off the printer, and found something from out other coworker, and against his better judgement, started reading it. It was a letter to a company that made condoms, complaining that their condoms were too large for him, and asking about condoms in smaller sizes.

I'm so glad he was retired at that point. I never would have been able to look him in the eye. :lol:

MinimaMagistra
08-24-2007, 06:12 AM
Interesting. Realistic taste?

No. Nothing labled "flavored" with a sexual purpose has any realistic resemblance to what it's supposed to resemble. It makes for some remarkable taste sensations, to be sure. But "strawberry" anything should in no way be described as "firey hell-pain", which was as accurate a phrase as I could find.

bigjimaz
08-24-2007, 10:30 AM
They're all condoms to me.

They're all useless to me.

Thank you Diabetes.:cry:

So, this kid who looked like he was no more than 16...

I'm betting it took all of 5 minutes to use the first 3-pack. :devil:

draggar
08-24-2007, 11:21 AM
Alright, you two, I'm getting the creepy vibe. ;)

You're "creeped" by a (presumably) female poster talking about flavored condoms? Is the "guy" in your username misleading? :roll::angel::roll:

I'm sure there are so many 'condom' stories out there from behind the desk (customers wanting them) that there could be a book on them.

Geek King
08-24-2007, 12:32 PM
He asks where the condoms are since he has a really hot girlfriend he wants to <censer> .

So I read this line, and my mind just starts running off on it's own:

...and it will be a manly <censering>, a <censering> for the the ages. A <censering> so grand and wonderful that it will be written of in <censer> textbooks and discussed by <censer> classes for years to come. <Censer> professionals will debate the <censering> impact that this <censer> will have on <censering> for the remaining history of <censering>.

Yes, my brain is inserting <censer> instead of the real word.
Please make my brain stop. Its starting to scare me.

iradney
08-24-2007, 12:48 PM
Yes, my brain is inserting <censer> instead of the real word.
Please make my brain stop. Its starting to scare me.

It wouldn't be as entertaining tho...:rolleyes:

Bliss
08-24-2007, 01:03 PM
About allergies or not, maybe it was an allergy or maybe he missunderstood dislike of them, different brands DO have different feelings and smells. my bf and I dislike most brand's smell so we mostly buy Johnson & Johnson which has a pleasant smell to us.

Yes, my brain is inserting <censer> instead of the real word.
Please make my brain stop. Its starting to scare me.

I don't know how young or old you are, but you reminded me of a Murphy Brown epissode where Corky Sherwood is accussed of plagiarizing a book, and as part of the trial evidence in her favor she reads her diary with comments on her creative process plus embarassing comments on her coworkers and husband. And every time there's a curse she reads "beep", so the lawyer objects to the censoring and the Judge tells her it's a legal hearing, she must read the journal as it is.. and she tells him "Oh but that's how the journal IS written" and he shows it to the judge who raises his eyebrows and shaking his head in disbelief responds "So it is!"....

I loved that series, I hated it when it was cancelled.

trunks2k
08-24-2007, 03:18 PM
Sounds like a BS excuse to me. Allergic to Durex indeed. Durex is better than Trojan anyway.

I tend to prefer Trojan myself. Durex seems to be slightly thicker. But I usually end up using Durex more often because that's the brand that is most commonly given away for free around here.

The worst was some brand that had an asian name, I think it was Kimono. God, those things were feckin' uncomfortable.

Becks
08-24-2007, 03:19 PM
I can't be GK. My way with words is inadequate and the great white north scares me.

Fair enough. But your way with words IS adequate. Be nice to yourself.

No. Nothing labled "flavored" with a sexual purpose has any realistic resemblance to what it's supposed to resemble. It makes for some remarkable taste sensations, to be sure. But "strawberry" anything should in no way be described as "firey hell-pain", which was as accurate a phrase as I could find.


Learned somethign new this morning.

And may I giggle at "firey hell-pain"?

Tria
08-24-2007, 03:20 PM
You have mint???? I have banana and chocolate... hmmmm... Mint Chocolate Banana Split flavored condoms.

Oh dear Gods.

I'll leave it at that...

Hey, latex and lube tastes bad.... No reason to not have flavor.

Now if only that could cure my gag reflex.

Tria
08-24-2007, 03:23 PM
Blame it on my sleep deprivation... The result of a broken condom is currently suffering from colic. And I'm suffering along with him. (*breaks down in tears* Oh WHY won't you stop crying!!! :cry::cry::cry: ) I'm ok... really.

*Not a doctor* Get a humidifier if you can afford it. Or run the vaccuum.

Tria
08-24-2007, 03:29 PM
So I read this line, and my mind just starts running off on it's own:

...and it will be a manly <censering>, a <censering> for the the ages. A <censering> so grand and wonderful that it will be written of in <censer> textbooks and discussed by <censer> classes for years to come. <Censer> professionals will debate the <censering> impact that this <censer> will have on <censering> for the remaining history of <censering>.

Yes, my brain is inserting <censer> instead of the real word.
Please make my brain stop. Its starting to scare me.

But the <censoring> will only last thirty seconds!

Greenday
08-24-2007, 03:40 PM
I tend to prefer Trojan myself. Durex seems to be slightly thicker.

I stick to the ultra thin ones. They've worked very well for me so far. I have no complaints.

DarthRetard
08-24-2007, 03:41 PM
This thread reminded me of one of the funniest ones on the "Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Work" thread:

() Corn is NOT ribbed for her pleasure.:roll:

justZu
08-24-2007, 03:55 PM
The result of a broken condom is currently suffering from colic. And I'm suffering along with him.

When my nephew had colic, my sis-in-law would strap him in his baby seat and put him on top of the dryer while it ran. The sound and motion always soothed him, just watch out that the baby seat doesn't get vibrated too close to the edge.
Also, I second Tria's suggestion of running the vacuumn - that one worked for my son very well.
Sending happy peaceful sleep thoughts to you and little BoogerButt. :)

NotSoInnocent
08-24-2007, 03:58 PM
Interesting. Realistic taste?

Close enough...;)

Becks
08-24-2007, 04:05 PM
I'll take your word for it. :angel:

NotSoInnocent
08-24-2007, 04:11 PM
When my nephew had colic, my sis-in-law would strap him in his baby seat and put him on top of the dryer while it ran. The sound and motion always soothed him, just watch out that the baby seat doesn't get vibrated too close to the edge.
Also, I second Tria's suggestion of running the vacuumn - that one worked for my son very well.
Sending happy peaceful sleep thoughts to you and little BoogerButt. :)

Would be nice if we had a dryer.... but we don't. and the vacuume wakes up the other kids, so we can't run that at night when he's crying the most often. Only thin that works, so far, is to hold him and walk around while bouncing him... He sleeps then, but I don't.

Geek King
08-24-2007, 06:47 PM
I don't know how young or old you are, but you reminded me of a Murphy Brown epissode where Corky Sherwood is accussed of plagiarizing a book, and as part of the trial evidence in her favor she reads her diary with comments on her creative process plus embarassing comments on her coworkers and husband. And every time there's a curse she reads "beep", so the lawyer objects to the censoring and the Judge tells her it's a legal hearing, she must read the journal as it is.. and she tells him "Oh but that's how the journal IS written" and he shows it to the judge who raises his eyebrows and shaking his head in disbelief responds "So it is!"....

The only problem is that I can curse with the best (?) of them, in appropriate company. I have used cursing as appropriate for some things I have written. I can also make some absolutely filthy jokes if occasion permits, bad enough that the resident perv of my group of friends is rolling on the floor. I just find it amusing that I went off on that train of thought.

blas
08-24-2007, 07:42 PM
I like the mint flavored Durex condoms.

Ya know the old trick about sucking on an Altoid and then going down on your partner?

Well it kinda feels like that. For me anyways. My boyfriend refuses to wear condoms. So he isn't getting any until he changes his mind. I even reminded him that birth control fails; I'M LIVING PROOF THAT THE PILL CAN FAIL, and if the pill can fail, so can the shot. And I don't want any kids....

Ok sorry for the overshare, I'm rather tense and frustrated. *Dies*.

Greenday
08-24-2007, 09:11 PM
And blas owns another one! Alright! Way to stick to your beliefs.

ArenaBoy
08-24-2007, 11:16 PM
I prefer Trojan.

Also. This is helpful. http://www.condomdepot.com/


And while I was reading through this, I thought of a Monty Python scene in Meaning of Life involving condoms.

At 7:07 is when it starts. (http://youtube.com/watch?v=47P59ha9k9s)

scruff
08-24-2007, 11:23 PM
Would be nice if we had a dryer.... but we don't. and the vacuume wakes up the other kids, so we can't run that at night when he's crying the most often. Only thin that works, so far, is to hold him and walk around while bouncing him... He sleeps then, but I don't.

Can you take him out in the car? used to send me to sleep in seconds apparently.

Ree
08-24-2007, 11:46 PM
This thread has become less about sucky customers and more about condoms and...well, 'suckiness' ;):p

Moving it to Off Topic.

Oh, by the way, everyone thanks for the TMI. I now know way more about my CS 'buddies' than I ever really needed or wanted to know. :o
(Yeah, I'm a prude...so sue me. :p)

MinimaMagistra
08-24-2007, 11:55 PM
And may I giggle at "firey hell-pain"?

You may. I don't mind folk giggling at my sorrows. And include with what you've learned, this advice: Never put in your mouth any "store samples" of a sex product. Even if intended for the mouth.

Firey hell-pain. That stuff would not put me in the mood.

Corn is NOT ribbed for her pleasure.

THAT'S where that came from. I couldn't remember. Also, now I can't talk about corn without totally inappropriate snickers.

Plaidman
08-24-2007, 11:59 PM
Oh, by the way, everyone thanks for the TMI. I now know way more about my CS 'buddies' than I ever really needed or wanted to know.

:eek: Agreed. :lol:

Ree
08-25-2007, 04:53 PM
We've trimmed a couple of comments that were a little too close to the edge of poor taste, where this board is concerned.

After some discussion among the mods, I'm going to open the thread up again, but just a reminder to keep things away from the bawdy side.

It veered wildly :ot: so I moved it accordingly, but I remind you that the thread was originally about a guy behaving badly when it came to buying condoms.

blas
08-25-2007, 05:54 PM
Sorry Ree.......I think I will just stick to the O Channel and watch the little old lady talk about sex. Ha ha ha.

TruthHurts
08-25-2007, 10:30 PM
This reminds of an incident I had working the night shift. A guest comes in and asks if we sell condoms. Um no as I have established in a previous thread we are not that kind of hotel. He then asks if I have any in my purse, I mean who asks a stranger if they can bum a condom. He finally snaps "This is the first time she's been in the mood in months, where's the nearest 24 hour store"

I told him and then spent a few minutes pondering how perfect my job would be if my guests would not tell me everything on their minds.

FuzzyKitten99
08-26-2007, 01:20 AM
Blame it on my sleep deprivation... The result of a broken condom is currently suffering from colic. And I'm suffering along with him. (*breaks down in tears* Oh WHY won't you stop crying!!! :cry::cry::cry: ) I'm ok... really.
not to derail the thread, but have you tried a product called "Gripewater"? I used it with my first, who had the whole colic thing, and it worked! You can get the product at places like GNC and other health food stores.

Jadedcarguy
08-26-2007, 07:40 PM
You're "creeped" by a (presumably) female poster talking about flavored condoms? Is the "guy" in your username misleading? :roll::angel::roll:



I assumed this little guy ;) at the end of my post would indicate I was kidding. Jeez. Do I have to explain everything? :D

Plaidman
08-26-2007, 10:31 PM
Parden my stupidity, but what the heck is colic?

Ree
08-26-2007, 10:49 PM
It's something that babies get where they cry for longer than three hours every day for more than three days a week.

They don't really know what causes colic. They used to think it was related to the digestive system. Abdominal gas may cause pain and contribute to colic but they really aren't sure.

There's another theory that it could be a combination of the baby's temperament and an immature nervous system. If a baby is really sensitive to the surroundings and reacts to everything, that may come out as crying when any changes occur. Then, since the baby's nervous system is immature, they can't stop the crying once it starts.

It doesn't hurt the baby, but it causes a lot of stress for the parents and others in the household.

NotSoInnocent
08-27-2007, 01:10 AM
Parden my stupidity, but what the heck is colic?

What Ree said.

It's very hard on the parents, because colic usually happens at night. You know, when the parent(s) is(are) trying to sleep. Sleep deprivation makes tempers short. Sleep deprivation caused by a crying baby makes tempers short and coping skills go "bye-bye". Add in a case of maternal post partum depression (caused by hormone fluctuations and all that goes with it) and you have a mother who goes from sobbing along with the baby... to feeling the urge to yell at the poor thing.

If you then add a minivan's worth of little heathens and a ton of military b.s. (in other words "lots of stress") into the equation... Let's just say that things get very "interesting" in the household.