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South Texan
08-20-2006, 11:34 PM
Last night I was in my local grocery store waiting in line to check out. The cashier was just finishing ringing up an incredibly skinny woman with a skanky looking tank top and dirty, bleached hair that had the texture of straw. My first thought was she was a crack whore, but I made myself think the better of her and started to unload my cart.

I had about ten items on the conveyor belt when I heard the cashier say, “I’m sorry, but your check has been declined.”

“Oh, no,” I thought. “This is not going to be pretty.”

It wasn’t.

“What the (fark) do you mean it's been (farkin’) declined?” she rasped through very smoky vocal cords. “I got (firkin’) money in my account. Run it through again!”

The cashier did. Declined again. I stopped unloading. The woman went ballistic and started yelling at the cashier who kept a completely stone-faced expression.

“I can’t believe this (stuff)!!” she yelled. “Your machine is (farked)! I've got (gall darned) money is in the (farkin’) bank! This is complete bull (stuff)! Take my (farkin’) check! I NEED THIS (STUFF)!!!!”

I looked at her purchases. Three twelve packs of Coke. A twelve pack of cheap beer. A few bags of potato chips. A bunch of Chips Ahoy cookies. And of course, a carton of cigarettes. Nothing healthy and nothing essential.

By now two other cashiers were looking over at her and the store manager was walking up. I stood there and decided to see what was going to happen before I decided to stay in that lane or move to another.

The manager printed out some page from the check verification machine and with a pleasant smile told the woman to call the number on the page and refer to the code to find out why there was a problem with the check.

The woman swore loudly, pulled out a VISA debit card and tried to use it. Also declined. (Big surprise.)

The manager told her she either would need to pay in cash or leave. The woman started yelling more, but the store security guard came over and told her to get out or he would call the police. She finally stormed out shouting a string of expletives. Her last thing she screamed was that she was “never going to come in this (farkin’) store again!”

One of the clerks that had stopped to watch said with a big grin, “In other words, we’ll see her next week when her next welfare check comes in.”

We all cracked up over that one.

Ringman
08-20-2006, 11:55 PM
One of the clerks that had stopped to watch said with a big grin, “In other words, we’ll see her next week when her next welfare check comes in.”

We all cracked up over that one.

:lol: :spew: how true lol

ditchdj
08-21-2006, 12:11 AM
If that's the case she's really gonna be "farked". I hear the Shrubster's really breathing fire down all 50 states to cut those welfare rolls pronto! I wonder she's gonna have to say when her caseworker throws her off the dole flat on her ass! I'm sure it wont take a lot of imagination since 98 percent will be all F words. :D

Ringtail Z28
08-21-2006, 03:29 AM
Cutting welfairies' "pay" isn't happening anytime soon from what I've heard. Here in California I'm hearing that people on food stamps are most likely going to be recieving a 21% raise.

wagegoth
08-21-2006, 06:45 AM
Crack whore is such an evocative phrase. Usually, though, they're on crank, because that's handy and affordable. If only crank was an instant sterilization technique. And, then, if you didn't quit within a few months (after finally recognizing your complete stupidity in ever starting the stuff), you would drop dead and turn into ash, so no one would have to pay for your funeral.

stormtreader
08-21-2006, 10:27 AM
As Dylan Moran says:

Youd have thought theyd have heard something bad about it by now.
"Yes, its very buzzy, but it can give you a bit of a gyppy tummy, you know?"