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AnaKhouri
04-19-2010, 02:11 PM
Dear Husband:

No, I was not planning on slathering sunscreen into the baby's eyes.

I already checked- twice- when our lease is up, I am not calling the office again.

Putting the baby swing on medium high is not going to give the kid shaken baby syndrome.

Since our realtor recommended that home inspector, I am pretty sure they are not criminals.

It takes a worried man...to drive me crazy.

Love, Ana

iradney
04-19-2010, 03:03 PM
Dear swimsuit manufacturers:

Please start making suits that look like the old ones from the 1940's. You know, the ones that will actually cover all the post-baby fat even if they can't hide it.

Thanks,

Ana

Dear Ana

if you find any, please let me know the website! Those suits are AWESOME and let's face it, damn sexy. And great for, you know, curves.

Thanks!
Rads

Dear Work week

HAHHHAHAHAHA, you're only 4 days long for me this week! NYAH NYAH!!

Going on a long weekend,
Rads

Green_Fairy
04-19-2010, 06:49 PM
dear AnaKhouri, iradney, Magpie, and anyone else looking for old-school swim suits...

have you looked here (http://www.modcloth.com/store/ModCloth/Womens/Swimwear)? they have a bunch of vintage inspired clothes and swimsuits. a bit pricey...but they're there.

trailerparkmedic
04-19-2010, 09:08 PM
Dear New School,

Please stop being annoying spechul snowflakes. Don't say we'll get letters no later than the 15th if you don't even mail them out until the 14th. Don't mail them on the 14th and expect us to mail back a specific part by the 23rd. Don't demand a check, and only a check, not a money order or credit card or cash for payment.

If you hold an event that is recommended for new students to attend, it might be nice to tell us when it is. If I explain I need to know now (and not in July) what week it will be, don't respond by telling me it will be in August. Oh, and don't act like you're doing me a favor when you tell me it's in August when I was given a 2 week window for the event back in February.

Also, why is it so weird to you that a pediatric practice I haven't been to in over 8 years won't sign your special paper saying that I got a specific shot? Shouldn't a shot record from them be good enough? Honestly, I'm amazed they still had my records after 8 years.

--Someone Who Is Almost Regretting Turning Down Her Second Choice School Already

AnaKhouri
04-19-2010, 11:41 PM
Dear Green Fairy,

Thanks! Those look really cool but are waaaaaaay out of my price range. I'll just wear my old swimsuit. It's not like I need to impress anyone; I'm already married after all. :lol:

Ana

CaroPhoenix
04-22-2010, 12:58 AM
Dear Self,

I know you love your 2.5 year old niece, E-Rum.

She's cute and bright and chatty and smart as a whip!

So don't go thinking "what if" while trying to imagine Child Rum at her age.

Don't beat yourself up over it.

Child Rum is just as precious and smart and bright and getting to be just as chatty in her own way at 6.5 years of age.

Just enjoy E-Rum as much as possible and continue the "what ifs".

Sternly,
Your Self.

Magpie
04-23-2010, 02:51 PM
Dear Rum,

My mother would have loved it if her mom was half as understanding as you are. I can't really comment, as I had the advantage of a spectrum parent myself, but I like that you love Child Rum for who she IS, not who another child might have been.

Magpie

Jack T. Chance
04-23-2010, 03:56 PM
Dearest TicketBastardMaster;

PLEASE do NOT sell out of the tickets I'm trying to purchase today before I'm able to secure 2. I have A LOT riding on being able to secure these tickets, so please make sure I can get them!

KTHXBYE! :wave:

Jack T. Chance
04-23-2010, 05:35 PM
Dear TicketMasterBastard;

I was on your site right at the stroke of 10 AM PDT... before, even! I began my search for tickets right at that time, and you STILL couldn't find any! What did I tell you? :rant:

I smell a rat bastard, and you're nominated. :pissed:

shankyknitter
04-23-2010, 07:11 PM
Dear know-it all newbie,

The reason the master to whom I'm apprenticed showed me the piece he's working on is because I'm his apprentice! He wanted someone to look it over, someone who is female, knows his style, and knows the woman he's writing it for. That would be me. Not you. You are a newbie, this does not mean you have the right to look at all the works in progress my laurel writes. This does not entitle you to complain when he won't let you read a very private piece. He doesn't know you, and he doesn't even want most of his friends knowing he's going to propose. Why would he want a complete stranger who can't keep her big trap shut for five seconds to tear his marriage proposal apart? You're a dumb cow.

Kindly go back off of the edge of a cliff before I am forced to demonstrate the 'shanky' part of my name.

Sincerely,

Shankyknitter.

CaroPhoenix
04-24-2010, 12:01 AM
Dear Magpie,

Sorry to hear of the problems your mom and with her mom.

It's very hard.

Child Rum is smart and beautiful and she can make me really happy. She can turn a phrase and make you laugh. Like today, took her to the doctor's office as she was complaining about her ear (again - double ear infection, again). The doctor said he was going to get her medicine, and she looked him right in the eye and said, "No thank you." (Polite too! :lol:)

At 2.5 years of age, all Child Rum could say was "Momma', she lost the ability to say the few 2-word phrases she had picked up, and she'd tantrum alot because she couldn't get me to understand her.

It's been a time of trial and error.

But I wouldn't give her up for the world. She's mine. And when I snuggle with her at nap time or bed time, and she makes room for me so I can lie down next to her ... that's when I know somewhere in that brain of hers, she understands that I love her and she loves me (even though she can't say the words).

-- Rummy

Irving Patrick Freleigh
04-24-2010, 01:25 AM
Dear Miller Park Security:

There's this guy in a Brewers jersey who keeps running onto the field, and I don't think he belongs there. He can be identified by the big number 37 on the back.

Regards,
Irv

shankyknitter
04-25-2010, 06:21 PM
Dear Ex-

I'm going to say this as politely as I can. I am not going to sleep with you again. Ever. I've moved past you and the jackass way you left me. It isn't my fault the chick you were sleeping with behind my back while we were together can't see you anymore. To be honest I'm amazed her boyfriend didn't leave her when he found out she was cheating on him. Meh maybe never seeing you again was the compromise to save her own relationship. Ergo sucks to be you.

No this isn't because I've found another man. Its because you cheated on me for months and proceeded to tell me you wanted to break up by letting me find you in our bed with her. I'm being civil to you for the sake of our mutual friends, this does not mean I want to get back together, nor does it mean I'll ever sleep with you.

Stop asking.
-Shankyknitter.

CaroPhoenix
05-02-2010, 02:20 PM
Dear Backside Beret .. er ... Mr. Rum .. Nope, backside beret,

When you were sick, I managed to do things in the house without your help.

I'm now coming down with what you have, and as a side bonus, my asthma is kicking into high gear and I'm puffing on my inhaler every. 4. hours. unlike normally where it's like a couple of days in between me using it.

:mad:

I. am. sick. I do not want to help you with teaching Child Rum to ride her bike. I do not want to move at all. The only moving I want to do today is to move upstairs, move into bed, turn on my cpap machine and go back to sleep!

I'd wave my Fist o' Doom® at you, but I think it'd be wasted on you and besides, I don't have the energy. :cry:

A very sick,
Mrs. Rum

trailerparkmedic
05-03-2010, 10:22 PM
Dear "drew",

You left the job I currently have because you didn't want it and because you're too senile to do the job. Please remember this when you start trying to do my job behind my back, fuck it up, and leave me to deal with the mess and the angry powerful person you've pissed off. I did NOT enjoy the 20 minute phone call I had with Mr. "My lab has a million dollars of equipment so I'm extra important" today, especially since I had to be nice and not tell him that 1 million isn't that big a deal around here.

Also, please stop doing disgusting things like loudly licking your plate clean, licking the (shared) desk if some of your food falls on it or sucking on the top of the (previously) communal ketchup bottle in the fridge. It would also be nice if you used some of your Medicare to buy a hearing aid instead of yelling so loud I worry about my hearing. I also think the whole office would prefer it if you kept your political opinions to yourself instead of shouting really racist, bigoted things at the TV.

--The Person Who Took The Job You Said You Didn't Want

RetailWorkhorse
05-04-2010, 12:48 AM
Dear Corpus Christi,

I like you. I do, I really do. But you just aren't helping me to, you know, live here.

I'm making less money in a city of 177,000+ people than I did in a COUNTY of just over 8,000. If someone had told me last Summer I needed to stay away from the Bigger Cities because they wouldn't support me I would have laugh myself dead.

I LIKE living by the sea. Granted, my hair looks like a roan version of Roxas' (DAMN HUMIDITY!), and the salt in the air makes me suck down food like the world is ending, but it's nice and hot and I love the smell of the salt in the air.

I can't live here. No one wants to hire me for my TN phone number. No one wants to talk to me, whether for my TN twang-filled southern drawl or because I am unable to speak Spanish, I know not as to why. I finally, finally, get people in the RV Park to at least acknowledge me when I'm walking by (one guy likes my artwork) after SIX MONTHS, and I have to move for the Summer.

I know one person , ONE PERSON, here in Corpus that actually seeks me out to talk to me and he's a 12-year-old kid. I'm almost 24, dammit.

I get it, I need to leave and go back to Hospitality Way. The busted tires before I even left city limits last Winter was a sign and I should have fought harder to make my Keepers see it. But I wanted out and I wanted to be on the beach.

You wanna know where I was PLANNING on being right now? I was planning on being right here in this campsite, with a German Shepherd pup by my lap, watching cartoons and working stock-crew at a liquor store or working in the drugstore on the Island. Full-time and tucking back money for both my emergency fund and my medical fund. I was supposed to be off my gingko and happy. I HAD PLANS TO BE HAPPY, CORPUS CHRISTI.

What am I doing wrong, huh? Can you answer me that?? Every time I ask someone else they tell me the same thing; get a tan, dye my hair black, and say "si, senor".

Sure, they say it in jest but why does it feel like they actually mean it?

I ran to you to get away from the Snow. Now I'm running FROM you in order to survive. My gods, Corpus, it's like I'm reliving a relationship that I had before, with the exception that instead of a person, I'm running from a goddamned CITY. Do you have any idea just how messed up that is?! It's bloody well messed up!

What do I have to do in order not to starve to death, huh?! If it gets too much worse then you know what I have to do? I have to go back to my Grandsire's. I was suicidal back "home". I don't want to be that way again.

I want my skies to be blue and the waters clear and to be happy and laughing and loved by a fur-child. I want to work and at the end of the day be able to smile and say "I had a good day" with a great big grin. Dammit, I want money in the bank and my artwork to be selling at a Farmer's Market.

Corpus Christi, I do love you. But you and I just weren't meant to be. If you know any way, any way at all, that I can still survive I'd certainly appreciate a sign. And make it REALLY obvious because I'm a true moron.

Once Was Yours But Nevermore,
Das Mel
Ar-Dubya

PS: Anyone seen my MP3 player? I can't find the stupid thing and I wanna listen to SMILE by Vitamin C without being attached to YouTube. -RW

RootedPhoenix
05-05-2010, 01:44 AM
Mr. Rum,

*glare* There are loads of things I could say to you. Be glad I'm not.

--RP

Rummy,

*gentle hugs* I'm sorry. :( *makes chicken soup*

Wish I could actually do something more. :( Being that sick is awful.

--RP

shankyknitter
05-05-2010, 02:11 AM
Dear Crow,

Please stop being so awesome. For all that you are a kick ass friend who I don't want to lose I may have to kick you if the awesomeness continues. Why you ask? dumb boy. It is because I'm interested and you are not. you consider me a sister, which is fine I can accept that role. But telling me that watching me dance provokes unbrother-like thoughts in your head and proceeding tell me that I'm hot and asking why I'm still single? That does not help at all. Just saying. I've been trying to be not single, but again, every boy I've set my eye on since I've been single isn't interested in me. Hell the only one who is would be my ex who only wants me because he knows no one else would sleep with him. So cut it out with the awesome and calling me hot would you?

-Shankyknitter

CaroPhoenix
05-05-2010, 03:48 PM
Dear RP,

Thank you! I'm feeling a little more human now. But Child Rum still has an ear infection.

Right now, it's Mr. Rum's middle brother that is going to be feeling my wrath if he calls the house.

:mad:
Rummy
------------------------------------
Dear Shankyknitter,

Been there. Done that. Got rid of the t-shirt though. :D

Smeck in the head?

I don't know what advice to give you.

But if you need someone to vent to, I'm here!

Rummy

shankyknitter
05-05-2010, 05:38 PM
Dear Rum-

Thank you for the sympathy, I appreciate it. Poor Child Rum! I had ear infections a lot when I was little and I understand where she's coming from. May I suggest a hot washcloth over the ear that hurts and have her lay down so the cloth is between her head and the pillow? Helps a ton if you haven't done so already. If you have then ignore that last bit and just give Child Rum a hug for me?

-Shankyknitter

the_std
05-06-2010, 02:13 AM
Dear Now-Ex Boy,

For being the strongest person I've ever met, you're the biggest coward. I hope you realize how much you've fucked things up, how I was the best thing that has ever happened to you, will ever happen to you... I was the best thing you ever had, and you threw me away from fear. I thought you would be my knight, I thought we could grow together, but you ended everything before even a year had passed because you are scared of what might happen.

You're a sorry, sorry piece of human, and I say that with all the vitriol stored up in this little body of mine.

May you never howl with your pack again.

Plaidman
05-06-2010, 06:02 AM
Dear Life:
yeah. I get that I'm your laughing stock. I've done my best in alot of fields, and failed in alot. Writing books I failed. Defending myself I failed. Attempting to excersise I failed. Hell I can't even type even a fraction as well as I use to.

I'm thankful for the fact you decided to finally grace me with friends, be it real and/or internet. I'm glad that its no longer toys. I'm happy you brought a cat in my life that loves me and meows at the very sight, even if she wakes me prompty at 5 am to feed her.

I'm unhappy with the hip, because, hey, pain and no work, means no money.

But seriously. I'm craving some kind of affection. I need something. A real hug. I'm getting tons of virtual lately. But... jebus man, my own mom gets freaked out if I even try to hug her as it's just wierd to her. I admit last hug I got was a sneak hug, and I kinda froze.

But just a real hug. A real touch. Please. I don't need sex or anything, just a real geniue affection of a hug and a touch.

I know even a light kiss is way out of my league and we all know your great prank of my last kiss was just fucking hilarious to you.

I've starved 24 years for a brief period of affection. I'm 25. Just.

JUST GIMME SOME KIND OF FUCKING LOVE ALREADY! STOP HAVING PEOPLE DISGUESTED BY MY LOOKS!

Just treat me like a real person for once in my goddamn misery life of weakness and loserhood. Seriously. Everyone else can get hugs. I can't even get it from my own mom, let alone friends. Internet is fine for you though, so I guess I'm stuck with that. Not that I mind. It... something.

But I still need that bit of feeling like I matter to someone. Seriously. Just... give me something finally. Even for a day. A.I had his mom for one day. Can't I get a hug for a day?

Jack T. Chance
05-06-2010, 04:11 PM
Dear the_std;

Trust me when I say that I know all too well what you're going through. There's nothing worse in this world, in my opinion, than finding The One and then having them throw away what the 2 of you had like that. It sucks worse than anything that has ever sucked before. :(

I hope things get better for you soon, but in the meantime...

http://i43.tinypic.com/29auxhc.jpg http://i43.tinypic.com/29auxhc.jpg

--Jack

Irving Patrick Freleigh
05-06-2010, 07:09 PM
Dear whomever brought in the Maxim magazines for me to read in the breakroom:

I :love: you forever.

Irv.

shankyknitter
05-06-2010, 11:56 PM
Dear education adviser-

for the record telling a college student they can't pass a given course unless they buy this random $100 program and submit an evaluation in it by the end of the day is not a good thing. Nor is acting confused when informed that afore mentioned student can not afford said craptastic program on such short notice. Also when told the student's professor told the student they wouldn't need it don't get pissed at the student, it isn't their fault that you and prof. are saying two different things. No amount of threatening to fail me is going to make me able to spin cash out of my alpaca in order for me to afford the damn program.

yours in hatred
Shankyknitter.

Jack T. Chance
05-07-2010, 04:33 AM
Dear Pizza Hut;

My one-time love of your company died years ago, but now that you've added bad customer service to the mix? Yeah, I totally hate you now. :pissed:

Taking my business elsewhere from now on,

Jack

RetailWorkhorse
05-07-2010, 06:42 PM
Dear Dad,

Stop breathing in my ear. Stop NOMing my ear. The fuzz on my leg/arm/head is not there for your pulling pleasure. I am not the cat, I don't have whiskers you can snip off with scissors.

DAMN you must be really bored. Go pick on EQ and leave the Puppy alone.

It must be rough being a stay-at-home-Dad.

-Your little Psycho
PS: Thanks for finding my MP3 player. <3

Dear Messed Up School in California,

....DUDES. Y'all are messed up.

-RW

Dear South Park Creators,

Are you rolling on the floor laughing your heads off yet? Because I sure am.

Need to pick up more Seasons of South Park,
RW
PS: Thanks for the thing about Cartman. I hope he enjoyed his chili. :devil:

Dear Tommy Lee Jones,

MIB3? HELL YES.

-Rabid Jones Fan #1308
Das Mel

ETA:
Dear Fox News,
I have fanart of Shep and Neil. Where would I send it so they can see it?
-RW

Dear Fox News (again),

........what's up with all the bomb threats today?!

Gettin' s'keered,
RW

RootedPhoenix
05-08-2010, 07:25 AM
Dear life,

Great hairy wombats...! I certainly have a lot of beads...

--RP

Plaidman
05-08-2010, 07:52 AM
Dear Self:

You are smart. You have been doing dumb bell excersises, and doing better.

You've gotten straight A's. You've gotten girls numbers at school. You've gone on dates, even though your broke and going into worst debt, and they tend to agree to just be friends. They're at least honest enough to admit your just not physically attractived enough for them.

Maybe one day you'll get someone who can see past your ugly. Not anytime soon, but hey, your still doing far better then you ever have before.

Just, try. Keep trying. You be a winner sometime soon. Well, not soon, but eventally.

Yeah, I know the hip hurts. Your ether hurting emontionally or physically, (sometimes both), but that's for pain killers are for. It dulls the pain physically. I don't know the drug for emontional pain, but hey, pharmacy will teach you that. Then you'll finally be something in life, rather then the pissant the world wants you to be.

fireheart
05-08-2010, 11:37 AM
Dear mother,

Please get some help. Seriously. Not just for me, but for yourself. Because of you, I am walking around on eggshells. It's getting the point where I want to leave home, but I can't because I have no place to go except for somewhere that's going to make life very inconveinient. And then you'll only blame me for it when I haven't even said a word. In reality, it's you. You'll come home, pissed off, then you'll take it out on whoever's in a hundred-metre radius. . Heh, funnily enough, you once tried to get anger management therapy for me.
If you want me to start talking to you directly, instead of a third party, then get help for yourself. Seriously.

Dear university,

I know I have a plan for my depression...do you take family issues as a reasonable trigger?

Dear life,

Guess who's gonna be stuck applying for rent assistance and youth allowance soon enough?

Evil Queen
05-09-2010, 09:37 AM
Dear World,

Better coworkers. Now.

No love,
The Evil Queen


Dear Roomates,
Guys, it's 7am and the swamp cooler is on for WHAT reason?? Whoever is the last to go to bed; please turn off the system. It gets very cold in that house at night and we don't need to have it running.

Again,
The Evil Overlord.


Dear Datajager,
I know you don't come on the forum anymore but I still appreciate everything you do for me.

Smoochies,
Your plunder bunny.


Dear Forumites,
Cookies for getting the plunder bunny reference!

Possibly a pirate-newbie,
EQ

RootedPhoenix
05-09-2010, 01:22 PM
Dear Rob Costlow (http://magnatune.com/artists/costlow),

Keep being awesome.

--Random human

Dear Plaid,

*hugs and chocolate*

--RP

Dear self,

Stoooooop iiiiit. I want to eat/move/exist without feeling icky. :cry:

--RP

Magpie
05-09-2010, 06:04 PM
Dear campus geese:

Stop randomly threatening the air. The next goose I see walking around an empty space with its head down will damn well have a REASON to be aggressive to humans.

I may only be a Magpie, but I'm still bigger than you.

shankyknitter
05-10-2010, 05:34 AM
Dear 2010,

I'd like very much for you to cease kicking me in the metaphorical testicles. Thus far this year I have been: cheated on, broken up with, used as a fuck bunny and rejected three times. I have become the token single girl among my friends and therefore don't see any of them without their respective SOs which is awkward. I have lost my job, therefore my income and independence from my family, I'm being forced to move cross state again to go back home with my tail between my legs after living on my own for over a year. My heart condition has flared up again when I don't have time or cash to get it properly treated thus forcing me to give up my hobbies that I love doing for fear of having an attack in armor. This is starting to get ridiculous and I don't think refusing to go outside until 2011 is a viable option for me.

you suck.
Shankyknitter.

Jack T. Chance
05-10-2010, 05:48 AM
Dear shankyknitter;

Yeah, I'd definitely call that a lousy year so far. Sounds like you could use one of these...

http://i43.tinypic.com/29auxhc.jpg

:)

--Jack

RootedPhoenix
05-10-2010, 06:17 AM
Dear CSers,

*offers hugs to all* :)

--RP

Shangri-laschild
05-10-2010, 12:59 PM
Dear motorcycle,

My radiator somehow started leaking fluid yesterday. This morning when I'm trying to get to work is the wrong time to decide to not work...

trailerparkmedic
05-10-2010, 06:50 PM
Dear Nutrition "professor",

Just because you can change the dates on our online final without notifying us until 24 hours after it was supposed to start doesn't mean you should. Extra sleezy points when you defend yourself by saying that it doesn't matter since you gave us more time than we originally had.
Oh, and the assignment that we had due before spring break? I'd appreciate a grade on it.
Why do you act like all the students that professors on here rant about? And you have your doctorate????

--Annoyed student

Dear Netflix,

Thank you for having Doctor Who available for streaming. Don't mind the fiance pouting about me ignoring him ever since I started watching the show--he'll get over it.

--Hooked on Doctor Who

Dear everyone,

Hugs, chocolate, and bacon. Not all at once though, that would be icky.

--TPM

CaroPhoenix
05-10-2010, 09:33 PM
Dear TPM,

Hugging chocolate bacon sounds like an American past time! Along with chugging down apple pie. :roll:

At least I'd participate in hugging the chocolate bacon.

Why yes, I am odd, why do you ask?
Rummy
----------------------------------
Dear Child Rum,

Mommy's computer likes to act up. You have to be patient. I know that's hard for you. But under no circumstances should me mouse be used as a missile! If your pitching arm were just a little bit better, we'd be less one window right now.

*sighs*
Rummy
--------------------------------------
Dear Self,

You need more sleep.

Stat!
Rummy

Irving Patrick Freleigh
05-14-2010, 02:29 AM
Dear Kansas City Royals fans, assuming there are any:

My condolences on your managerial situation.

Irv

BookstoreEscapee
05-14-2010, 09:31 PM
Dear Self,

You're a stupid, fucking idiot. Why do you bother?

Treasure
05-14-2010, 09:42 PM
Dear Datajager,
I know you don't come on the forum anymore but I still appreciate everything you do for me.
Smoochies,
Your plunder bunny.
Dear Forumites,
Cookies for getting the plunder bunny reference!

Possibly a pirate-newbie,
EQ


I have that shirt!
http://www.piratemod.com/PirateModMain.htm

Becks
05-18-2010, 04:15 PM
Dear job,

I am starting to loathe you deeply.

Grrrrrrrr,

--me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear male harem,

You're slacking.

Searching for a whip,

--me

CaroPhoenix
05-18-2010, 09:33 PM
Dear female innards,

Why are you attacking me? I haven't done anything to you! :cry:

I don't like be curled into a fetal position for most of the day when I need to rearrange my cupboards. And I need to rearrange my dresser drawers and other things.

I don't like me at the moment.

I WANT CHOCOLATE!
Rummy

fireheart
05-19-2010, 12:00 PM
Dear Becks,

Seconded!

Love,
FH

Dear Rummy,

I have chocolate Freddo's. Will that help?

Love,
FH

Dear work,

Despite being with you for so long, I feel that the best time for me to leave is now. That way there is no grumbling over whether or not I have the capabilities to be a supervisor, there are no breakdowns, no screwups etc.

Love,
ME.

Dear Antidepressants,

Please don't give me horrible side effects. (I've switched to Pristiq)

CaroPhoenix
05-19-2010, 05:08 PM
Dear FH,

Chocolate anything will be acceptable for me today (and for the rest of the week :D). Oh, and any and all red meat (I crave red meat too).

<3,
Rummy
---------------------------------------
Dear Rest of my body,

What have I ever done to you!?

I go to a new doctor and you fall apart. :cry:

Stop it now!
Rummy

Ghel
05-19-2010, 09:41 PM
Dear Annoying Coworker,

There's a reason that Crazy Frog was originally called the Annoying Thing. Your poor imitation of "ring-a-ding-a-ding-da-dong-da-dong" is even more annoying than the original. You're not clever or cute. Stop. Please.

--Ghel

Irving Patrick Freleigh
05-20-2010, 02:07 AM
Dear George Webb:

If the Milwaukee Brewers lose 12 games in a row, do I still get free hamburgers?

I feel I deserve them for watching this abortion of a team the Brewers evidently are this year.

Hungrily yours:
Irv

Irving Patrick Freleigh
05-21-2010, 01:35 AM
Dear Clearance Swamp DC:

Normally I'm cussing you guys out, but today I want to thank you for the bountiful selection of DVDs you sent us as free goods on the last truck.

For less than four dollars, I was able to add PCU and Spaceballs to my DVD library.

Thank you and keep the goodies coming.

Irv

Green_Fairy
05-21-2010, 01:44 AM
dear my female innards:

no. what i think you're trying to tell me better not be true. i will not allow it. i was on pills to prevent this! you'd better get your act together before i go do something that isn't very pleasant.

love,
me
:cry:

RetailWorkhorse
05-21-2010, 04:02 AM
Dear MelSelf,

EAT SOMETHING YOU LITTLE RED HAIRED SON OF A JACKAL.

Your Female Side,
Frau Schinn


Dear Schinn,

I'll bloody well eat when it cools off. Stop being a mother, you have the mentality of an EIGHT YEAR OLD and EIGHT YEAR OLDS shouldn't really be telling TWENTY-SOMETHINGS what to do. I'm a Shaman, I know what I'm doin-don't you dare roll your eyes at me!

The Other Me,
RW


Dear Brain,

Tell me something, WHY IS MY THOUGHT PROCESS SPLIT IN HALF?!

Aggravated the older We get,
RW (MelSelf)

ZedOmega
05-21-2010, 04:12 AM
Dear Assface Street Racers:

My street is WAY too short to be considered a drag strip. One of these days, you're going to end up losing control at your 100+ MPH speeds and will grant me entertainment in the form of watching you headslide into a telephone pole, or worse, the 18-wheeler going up one of the main streets.

When you do crash, someone else will be calling 911, as I will be laughing at the evidence of Darwinism at work.

Awaiting my schadenfreude overdose,

Z.

P.S. Did anyone ever tell you that 24" rims might look good on an Escalade, but look completely ridiculous on your little Ford Focus? Just a thought.

RetailWorkhorse
05-21-2010, 07:43 PM
Dear Ex GF,

Note me back, dammit. I wanna know what this mysterious favour you want outta me is. It's been two days, are you dead or something?

-RW


Dear Humidity,

You I dislike.

-RW

fireheart
05-22-2010, 11:06 AM
Dear government,

Thank you for providing me with the stuff I need for a politics class. I now have reports and research coming right out of the wazoo.

Thank you,
FH.

Dear printer,

I didn't realise printers farted.

Love,
FH.

lobo94
05-25-2010, 12:26 AM
To my cat,

Your daddy loves you. That said...please keep the claws in when you're walking on or kneading me. And when you're doing a flying leap into bed...try to land on Daddy's knees or torso, not the area between those two parts.

iradney
05-25-2010, 04:23 AM
Dear Gastro

GTFO please *sobs*

Rads

Dear Flu

GTFO please *sobs some more*

Rads

CaroPhoenix
05-25-2010, 11:41 AM
Dear Rads,

Gentle hugs.

Lots of good wishes.

Lots of tea and soup and blankets and sleep.

Get better soon!
Rummy

Green_Fairy
05-26-2010, 01:36 AM
dear anthropologie (http://www.anthropologie.com/anthro/index.jsp),

i'm gonna be at that open interview tomorrow and i'm gonna rock it so...
hire me please!

cookies and hugs,
me!

Shangri-laschild
05-26-2010, 01:17 PM
Dear Al,

I'm going to miss you. It felt like you'd always be here. Sitting out front or hanging out downstairs. There were so many times when I was working on something in the shop and you would come and sit with me and just chat. It doesn't seem real yet. I still don't fully know what happened. I thought you had been doing good. I know we weren't super close, but you were a part of my life and you always managed to make me smile and make me feel welcome. I haven't been downstairs yet. Haven't been back to work till today even. It's not going to seem right without you. I miss you.

The girl with the work boots

trailerparkmedic
05-26-2010, 03:54 PM
Dear Self,

Why the cold feet?

--Self

Green_Fairy
05-27-2010, 01:40 AM
dear mummy's cancer:

please go away and never come back.

thanks!
~me

fireheart
05-27-2010, 10:01 AM
Dear hospital,

Why did you have to squeeze my arm to take blood? You could've tried the other arm!
Now I have a nice bruise on my arm from where you took the blood.

FH

Dear self,

Digging fingernails into arms in an attempt to draw blood was not a good idea. There are still scratches on both arms where I dug them in.

FH

Dear CSers,

On a new medication now. Moclobemide. So far, so good, somewhat dizzy, but good otherwise. Just really shouldn't have read Wikipedia-apparaently one of the very rare side effects is that I'll start lactating...hopefully with the Implanon in my arm, that won't happen. (Moclobemide increases prolactin levels, combine that with oxytocin from sexual stimulation-lactation. Progesterone in the Implant should stop that)

Green_Fairy
05-30-2010, 05:49 PM
dear mom's cancer:

i'd really really really appreciate it if my mom was at my wedding this winter. it's probably selfish, but i don't care. it just won't be the same without her there. i know you're all hell bent on killing her and such, but do you think you could tone it down for a bit?
also...ya know all that radioactive stuff that was pumped into my mom's body last friday? it'd be cool if you let that stuff kill you off without doing too much damage to my mom's body. you'll be seeing more of it soon, so get ready to die.
so in short, go away, never come back, and stop being so icky
~me

fireheart
05-31-2010, 08:25 AM
Dear CSers,

We finally have an official diagnosis for me!
After speaking to the doctor today, I have been officially diagnosed with dysthymia. The mild, but chronic form.
Can anyone provide me with some specific research if there is any?

Love,
FH

CaroPhoenix
06-01-2010, 02:29 AM
Dear family members,

Am I the only one who likes to go to the theater and watch things? Yes, I know Mr. Rum has procurred tickets to the local Dinner Theater. That is very nice.

However, I'm talking about seeing Laurence Fishburne in a one-man play at the Kennedy Center!

Am I the only one with culture in this family?

Sadly,
Rummy

Irving Patrick Freleigh
06-03-2010, 01:56 AM
Dear Wikipedia:

You probably shouldn't have the entire history for all your entries available for people to view.

Right now I'm looking up the history of various articles and busting a gut at some of the vandalism contained within.

Oh well, at least yo gave me yet another new sig.

Irv.

Green_Fairy
06-03-2010, 02:16 AM
dear 3B

zomg hire me. hire me hire me hire me. you are the most awesomest discount grocery store/coffee shop in boise and you need to hire me! i will be so awesome tomorrow at my job interview you won't even know what hit you. and you'll be all "OMG how did we ever function without your freaking awesomeitude" and you'll hire me and we'll all be YAYtastic and go frolicking through the fields.
also: please do not let the fact that i used to hit on your cutie indie baristas impede the fact that i'm awesome and you should hire me ^_^
also also: they used to hit on me so all's fair in love and war, bitches!

~GF

iradney
06-03-2010, 07:17 AM
Dear Green_Fairy

I agree, they need to hire you YESTERDAY!
Holding thumbs!

Rads

RootedPhoenix
06-09-2010, 08:07 PM
Dear [you lot],

The best help to give me when I am cranky, tired and (most importantly) wishing to !!SCREAM!! at you because I've had to explain something several times only to discover that you've chosen to do it your way...is not to jabber at me about "how can we help" "can't we do X now".

The best help is to GO HOME NOW AND LET ME SLEEP, not 1-2 hours after I said I was ready to scream. The truck is getting picked up [day after events]. I get that. However, if I scream at you and have a nuclear meltdown, nothing will get accomplished and I will be angry with everyone. Secondly, the truck is getting picked up at noon, not 5:30 am. Third, the truck loading team aren't coming until 6:00 pm. THERE IS ONE WHOLE MORE DAY FOR THIS.

But by all means, stay in my house and bug the crap out of me as to how to help at midnight. The best time for my meltdown moments is in the middle of the night, which is also the ~perfect~ time to try to pack stuff. By your assessment, anyway.

It will also help me attain a wonderful night's sleep and a great morning.

.................except for the fact that I didn't fall asleep until after 5:00am, and woke up at 10:00am. Great night's sleep, that.

:salmon: :doh:

eta: If I tell you there are books there behind all of that stuff, why are you so shocked to discover that *gasp* there are books there?!

Green_Fairy
06-10-2010, 07:36 PM
dear a:
i really don't want to go into a lot of detail because who knows you might somehow read this and then try to sue me or something.
but seriously? stop being such a dumb bitch. he only wants to make sure his daughter is okay. i know if you were in the same position, you'd do the same thing. and honestly, with your track record? do you expect any less? you've been in some pretty serious shit lately. and you've done some very stupid shit lately. i don't know what goes through that perma-17 year old brain of yours but goddamn, woman!
-m

to those reading this:
if you're curious about what's going on, feel free to pm me. i'd love to rant about it. i don't very often for various reasons, but i'm almost to my breaking point with this
~GF

Plaidman
06-10-2010, 08:40 PM
Dear Life:

... Just give me a sign. I want to be a father. I want to matter in someone's life that isn't a family member or online. Someone close.


Yeah. I know. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve anything nice or right. Thank you life for not giving me anything.

BookstoreEscapee
06-10-2010, 10:21 PM
Dear Court,

What more do you need? This postcard doesn't help much.

:(

trailerparkmedic
06-11-2010, 01:35 AM
Dear Work,

You don't need to call me to update me on broken stuff. This is extra true when I'm in the middle of class or it's the middle of the night. Something being fixed is not an emergency. Kthnxbai

Food Lady
06-13-2010, 08:29 PM
Dear loud neighbors: your music is too loud, and I suspect you now know, thanks to my sudden penchant for singing Ella Fitzgerald, LOUDLY. Hope you enjoy the show; I can go all afternoon. :devil: ETA: I find that "Something's Gotta Give" is especially appropriate.

BarbieGirl
06-18-2010, 12:59 AM
Dear DS2,

WHY?!? You aren't winning your argument for no naps, when you are super cranky and proceed to break the arm off the computer chair (granted it was on it's way out anyways but still) strip the screws on your convertible crib so that now it is a safety hazard and we HAVE to go buy a toddler bed. I know sea captains like the water but I'm pretty sure your toy doesn't like the fact that he is now STUCK IN THE TOILET and I can't get him out!!!! And you aren't even three yet! oi vey!

iradney
06-18-2010, 12:27 PM
Dear loud neighbors: your music is too loud, and I suspect you now know, thanks to my sudden penchant for singing Ella Fitzgerald, LOUDLY. Hope you enjoy the show; I can go all afternoon. :devil: ETA: I find that "Something's Gotta Give" is especially appropriate.

I require recordings please - Ella Fitzgerald!! :love:

BookstoreEscapee
06-18-2010, 04:05 PM
Dear Boycat,

STOP TRYING TO CHEW ON MY COMPUTER CORD!!!!!!

:rant:,
me

shankyknitter
06-21-2010, 06:01 AM
Dear woman who recently fucked over my ex-fiancee now boyfriend,

Even having never met you I hate you. This is not the normal new-gf v. old-gf deal. If it was I'd have to resent myself as he dated (and was engaged to) me before he even met you. No no this is legit thank you for making my life complicated without having met me. Really appreciate it. Its not just that you acted like a spiteful dead fish with my ex-fiancee/now boyfriend, no no that is but the beginning of my argument with you.

According to my aunt and uncle (best friend of ex/now boy) you treated him like shit when everyone was around and therefore I can only imagine how you treated him when you two were alone. Aside from the one thing he did tell me which lead to my dead fish comment. Apparently a mummified dead fish accurately describes your two attempts at intercourse over the course of a relationship that lasted a year and a half. But I digress. That was a cheap shot and I know it.

But the treating him like shit isn't even my real complaint with you. No my darling mummy-fish, my complaint is that you cheated on him. With my cousin. yup thank you for making family drama for me dear. Really appreciate it. I've come home to my uncle and my aunt hating my cousin for being a douche (can't argue really. He and my ex/boy were friends before you spread 'em for the wrong one) my cousin being oblivious and defensive and attempting to explain to me what happened in a light that doesn't make him look like a douche. My ex refusing to talk about it to anyone, but I know him well enough to know that he'd kill you if he could get away with it.

Thank you for making my summer difficult Mummy-Fish.

Sincerely,

She who got a second chance at the one who got away

AnaKhouri
06-22-2010, 06:05 PM
Dear Friend:

I will never tell you this, but I hate your book. Reading it and giving feedback was kind of painful. It's not that you're a bad writer; you're very good and there were a few psychologically interesting parts. It's just that I loathe books where all the characters are stunningly beautiful and everyone is very witty and they say clever things to each other all the time. I know it will appeal to your target audience because they probably want to be just like your characters, but it doesn't grab me at all.

Good luck!

Ana

CaroPhoenix
06-22-2010, 07:48 PM
Dear CS,

Conversation I had with Child Rum on the way home from Speech Camp:

Child Rum: I want to sit in the front seat!
Me: No! How old do you have to be to sit in the front seat?
Child: 25!
Me: Yes, and how old is Momma?
Child: 25!
Me: Yes, yes I am. ;)

:roll:
Rummy

fireheart
06-26-2010, 12:56 PM
Dear Rummy,

Child Rum is very entertaining isn't she?

Love,
FH

Dear boyfriend,

I can't believe it's our 1 year soon!

Love,
FH

Dear body,

I'm aware that I'm on the Implanon. Can you PLEASE stop spotting? While it's a heck of a lot cheaper buying liners than it is buying a pack of pads every month, it's still a pain!

Love,
FH

the_std
07-05-2010, 06:32 PM
Dear HC,

Thank you for existing. Lots of <3s.

Appreciatively,
Me

Green_Fairy
07-08-2010, 03:48 AM
dear life in general:

~my mom has cancer
~my fiance is in iraq
~my cat died recently
~i'm in a less than stellar job with a moron for a boss
~most of my "friends" are people that i'm not overly fond of
~someone i wanted to get back in touch with died a couple of weeks ago
~fiance and co. are in an epic custody battle for The Kid

...what else ya got? cuz i'm still smiling, damn it! you may throw a bus at me and mine but goddamn it, that won't stop us! the sun is still shining and my dog is still adorable. sure, most days i don't want to get out of bed and some days i wake up crying, but that still won't get me down.

so...guess what, life? fuck you, mutha fucka! i own you, bitch!
:roll:

~GF
-------------

dear The Boy,
i love you. i can't wait to marry you. i hope you're safe and i can't wait to hear from you again!
~PB

CaroPhoenix
07-11-2010, 05:23 PM
Dear Everyone,

I have a new laptop.

That is all,
Rummy

PS. Has anyone ever heard of the "Terrible 7s"? Child Rum seems to have contacted them when she turned 7 this passed July 8. :(

shankyknitter
07-12-2010, 02:49 AM
Dear John + Girlfriend-who-I-don't-know (sorry)

I've never met either of you personally to the best of my knowledge, but please know that my heart goes out to both of you now. No parent should ever ever have to bury a child. I know that the little one was unexpected in the first place, born two months too early, had stopped developing a month before that, but that doesn't reduce the pain of loss. I am so sorry.

I can't do anything go help you now, though I wish I could. I'm taking my God-Daughter on the day of Little One's funeral so my aunt and uncle can go and try to support you both at least a little.

I'm sorry,
SK

Jack T. Chance
07-13-2010, 03:16 AM
Dear Government of Montgomery County, Maryland;

You are a bunch of Jack-booted thugs, I've been well aware of this for many years. But you've gone too far with your Big Brother impersonation over the last few years. But I have finally discovered the necessary tool to defeat your evil, Nazi-like ways!

Die in a fire,

--Me

----------------------------------------

Dear makers of the GPS Angel (http://www.gpsangel.com/index.php?page_id=1&sid=);

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! YOU ROCK!!! :D

Looking forward to no more tickets from the godsdamned speed trap cameras,

--Jack

RootedPhoenix
07-15-2010, 10:42 AM
Dear you (you know PRECISELY who you are),

Stop screwing with me. You don't give a crap about me. We both know it, so stop the lies.

--rp

Shangri-laschild
07-22-2010, 12:55 PM
Dear MT,

I see what you're doing. I think he does too even if he hasn't flat out said the words yet. And my good news doesn't rule out his problems. And there are some people in my life who are first and foremost. You can be replaced, he can not. So making my day happy does not make me hate you less for what you're doing for him.


Dear A,

The BBQ for you is tomorrow. I still miss you you know. I haven't been able to be downstairs much between the knee and V being gone for a while. Every time I go down there, things just seem off though. You should be there. You've always been there. They had your office open yesterday. I don't know what they were doing with it but it hurt seeing it. I don't think it quite makes sense in my head yet. That I won't ever see you again. That I won't ever be able to hear your stories again. I finally had a cooking story for you the other day but I couldn't tell you about it. I hope you know what you meant to me. I know to you it may have just been chatting with people who were downstairs but you are a big part of what made me feel so comfortable down there. It came out of nowhere you know. I thought you were doing good. I still need to take a picture of the grafitti by the elevator. I think I was doing fairly well about it till yesterday when I saw the post it the guys had put up on the first aid kit about the BBQ. I miss you and the basement feels empty without you.

Love,
Your girl in work boots

BookstoreEscapee
07-30-2010, 06:58 PM
Dear Ex,

Go fuck yourself.


-me

Whiskey
07-30-2010, 07:08 PM
Dear Ex,

Go fuck yourself.


-me

Dear Self,

Remember, the bad times outweighed the good by 10000%. Get laid, stay fly, forget ex-boyfriends.

Love,
You In A Better Place


Dear B&C Guy,

Ask for my phone number next time you come through.

With care and mayonnaise packets,
Drive Thru Girl

BookstoreEscapee
07-30-2010, 07:21 PM
Dear Self,

Remember, the bad times outweighed the good by 10000%. Get laid, stay fly, forget ex-boyfriends.

Love,
You In A Better Place

Dear Whiskey,

I would like nothing more than to forget the Ex. If he would pay the ~$7000 he owes me, and spent five years promising he'd pay back and making excuses for why he wasn't, instead of filing in court to vacate the judgment I was granted on the grounds that his response to the original suit was not entered into the court record...it wasn't entered because it was late. It was both dated and postmarked on the day after it was due. (It also contained an outright lie that flatly contradicts his own email to me which was included in the original filing.) So he can go fuck himself.

But thanks for the thought. :)

Whiskey
07-30-2010, 07:45 PM
Dear Whiskey,

That was actually to me.

fireheart
08-04-2010, 02:57 AM
Dear female friend,

Can you PLEASE for the love of freaking god, go and get some free counselling?

Love,
me.

Dear male friend,

You are a fucking idiot.

CaroPhoenix
08-09-2010, 03:10 AM
Dearest Child Rum,

When Mommy & Daddy tell you it's bedtime and you need to go to bed in your. own. room., please do not go into Mommy & Daddy's room and:

1. Spray shaving cream all over the bathroom.
2. Use Mommy's toothbrush to brush your teeth.
3. strip nekkid and then get into the shower without closing the shower curtain.
4. look pleased as punch as mommy & daddy trip all over themselves getting up the stairs to see what you've been up to.

At least we know that you'll get into the shower and let Momma wash the potatoes out of your hair. :D

But ... really?

Mr. Jimmy is going to be "mad" (well, not really, he'll laugh a lot and then charge me another $70 to redo my hair) that your antics have turned my hair a permanent shade of white.

:cry:
Momma Rum
------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Rum,

Why are you handing me a hair dryer while I'm in the shower with Child Rum?

:confused:
Mrs. Rum

CaroPhoenix
08-10-2010, 12:43 PM
Dear Body,

Why do you feel like a Mack Truck hit you? And what's up with you tummy?

I went to the doctor yesterday. Yes, I know I have a sinus infection (just like Child). I've been given meds! Get better darn it!

:mad: :cry:
Rummy

iradney
08-10-2010, 01:02 PM
Dear Genes from Mom's side of the family

Dammit, the grey hairs are coming through now...so not cool!!!!

Love
Rads

(BG All the women on my Mom's side of the family started going grey in their early 20's, my 9 months younger than me cousin included. I suppose I'm lucky in that mine are only coming through now...ugh)

Becks
08-11-2010, 02:56 PM
Dear MOTH's father,

It's been 5 days and I'm still furious.

I highly doubt your son will make another trip "home" to NJ anytime soon because of you.

I don't appreciate you yelling at me because of your son. I wasn't in the same room at the time, and I sure as hell wasn't paying attention.

No thanks for ruining the end of my vacation.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR,

--me

Zellie Crescent
08-11-2010, 03:44 PM
Dear Milie,

Fuck you for lying to me about your cousin not being single, you knew I thought he was hot and that I was interested in him.

Dear Mikey,

Please stop acting like a paranoid retard, just because I'm your ex does not mean that I'm jellous of the girls you date/hang out with. It also doesn't mean that I'm secretly planning to steal you back. You're just being stupid, I'm still your friend idiot.

CaroPhoenix
08-12-2010, 11:48 PM
"Dear" Mother Rum,

F U.

Child Rum is a beautiful child. She is 4 feet 3 inches tall (exactly 1 foot shorter than me :jawdrop: and in the 90th percentile in height for her age). She's also 73.4 pounds (which makes her being in the 96th percentile for weight in her age group).

DO NOT TELL ME THAT SHE IS FAT AND WE HAVE TO WATCH/RESTRICT HER DIET.

I point-blank asked the pediatrician if she was "fat" and did we have to watch her diet? He. said. no. I'm going with the professional in this case and NEVER EVER AGAIN ASK ABOUT HER WEIGHT.

:mad:
Your daughter,
Rummy

Dreamstalker
08-13-2010, 02:54 AM
Dear Bank:

I know I floated a check and that was bad. I really thought I'd be able to deposit enough this week to cover it.

It should be clear by my contact phone # that I am not located in the same state as you right now. How am I supposed to make a deposit by 1 PM?

I made a transfer online shortly after the phone call that will cover it...IF you process the deposit first.

By the way, what happened to the overdraft protection I'm supposed to have? Aren't you supposed to notify customers before it's suspended?

Not happy at you right now,
Dreamstalker

BookstoreEscapee
08-14-2010, 03:32 AM
Dear car,

Please don't cost me a s**tload of money.

-me

BookstoreEscapee
08-14-2010, 03:51 PM
Dear car,

$1000+ is a s**tload of money. What did I do to you?

-me

Magpie
08-16-2010, 06:17 PM
Dear sister and still-single cousins,

If you don't want people to celebrate your wedding, the easy way to do this is to not invite them. I don't want to have to drive 1.5 hours each way for a 20 minute wedding (which didn't even start on time) when it's not a real wedding, it's just a show for me to watch. I'm sitting through your reception, don't make the wedding torture too.

Magpie

Elspeth
08-16-2010, 06:25 PM
Dear Geek
I am glad you like your truck now lets get our butts in gear and get this house done.

Love
Your wife

Dear twit who hit the geek
Please from now on pay attention when you are driving. If you were going I doubt you would have totalled the geek's Jetta (bent frame) and you were so not going 10mph. This is all working out for the best but you if you don't start paying attention now it could be worse next time.

The person ending out ahead on the deal

Dear Dealership
Thank you for being understanding with us while we made this decision. And letting us demo the truck. You have made my geek very happy. Please don't screw this up. And thank you for giving me way too much money (not that I am complaining) for that junk car in my driveway. You just save me a lot of headaches getting rid of the thing.

The person who will probably buy her next car from you.

Dear Interview Gods
Please be kind to the geek and let him get this job. He would be happier and I would stress less.

Els

Jack T. Chance
08-17-2010, 02:45 AM
Dear Government of Montgomery County, MD;

You are unbelievably Nazi-like in your evil, jack-booted, totalitarian ways.

If there was any sort of a just God in this sorry universe, you would be paid a visit by Cock-Knocker from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, and he would PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK!!! :pissed:

Fuck Off and Die.

--Me

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear demonoid.com;

Where do I begin?

Oh, yeah, I know...

Firstly, it has been AT LEAST a week since I've downloaded ANYTHING from you! I certainly HAVE NOT done "a few downloads per week" that you say I'm limited to as an unregistered user.

Secondly, the fact that you say "register now to complete this download" and then when I click the link to register "NOW", you tell me "registration of new members is currently CLOSED"... that fact just PROVES how much you SUCK ASS! :pissed:

Please, go die in a fire.

--Me

Bella_Vixen
08-17-2010, 03:54 AM
Dear Frederick's of Hollywood--

Why must you be so expensive?

You are too tempting, and I don't think I can justify $120 of lingere right now.

--me

protege
08-17-2010, 05:52 PM
Dear sports car,

Was it really necessary to piss oil all over the garage floor? I realize that you've been sitting up on axle stands, awaiting your new tires...and have been doing so since April. But, really? You won't be going out of the garage until I get your rims repainted, the new Yokohamas fitted, so it really wasn't necessary to do that. That is, unless you *like* sitting in the garage, and having your parts probed with various tools...

--Me

BookstoreEscapee
08-18-2010, 12:23 AM
Dear guy with the dog pacing back and forth across the open bed of your moving pickup truck,

YOUR DOG DOES NOT BELONG IN THE OPEN BED OF YOUR MOVING PICKUP TRUCK!!!!!

:mad:

the_std
08-19-2010, 03:01 AM
Dear Grampa,

I hope you know you can call me whenever you want to. If I am not able to answer right away, I will call you back just as soon as I am able.

I can't imagine the heartache it is to lose your wife of 53 years, but I promise you that I will do absolutely everything I can to make you just that little bit more comfortable, even if I can't be there to help you.

I feel a part of your pain, I love gramma very much, and I will do anything for you because I respect her memory that much.

Heart-wrenchingly,
Me

RetailWorkhorse
08-19-2010, 07:24 AM
Dear MelMom,

ZEN, woman, it's called ZEN.

It's also called CONFLICT AVOIDANCE.

Learn it.

Live it.

Seriously, listen to the Enya album you got me or something.

Sheesh.

-Your Son

CaroPhoenix
08-19-2010, 03:58 PM
Dear Everyone,

Child Rum actually slept all night in her own room!

No sneaking into my room at 3:30 in the morning, forcing me to walk her back to her own room.

All night. in. her. own. room.

I'm hoping this will be the trend from now on.

A Proud Momma,
Rummy

Becks
08-19-2010, 04:04 PM
Dear Rummy,

Yaaaaaaaaaaay!!!! *happy dance* :bounce:

--Becks

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Favorite Cop™,

Thanks for cheering me up.

--me

Zellie Crescent
08-19-2010, 04:45 PM
Dear corporate assholes,

If you call us to say that you are scheduled to show up to do a walkthrough of the store on days y and z, do NOT show up on day x and bitch and complain that "the entire store is a hopless mess", when only 2 MINOR things went wrong. Go back to your desks where you belong and play with your paperwork you damn corporate puppets.

BookstoreEscapee
08-20-2010, 02:36 AM
Dear turtle that I passed over on my way to work this morning,

I hope you made it safely across the road.

-me

Seriously, I thought it was a dead squirrel or something, then I got closer and realised "Ah! It's a turtle!! And he's not dead!! :eek:" He was in the middle of my lane, so I had no choice but to drive over him (I did not hit him, though). I was half tempted to stop and help him across but I wouldn't risk getting bitten, and there was no place to pull over anyway.

Magpie
08-20-2010, 01:15 PM
Dear sizing people at Denver Hayes:

Tony Clement would like his drunken monkey back. And I would like realistic sizes back. If I start with a size smaller than what I should be, I shouldn't need to go down TWO sizes for a loose fit. You are supposed to be the sensible clothing line, not a fashion clothing line. There is no $@#^^% way I'm an eight.

Magpie

RetailWorkhorse
08-22-2010, 03:37 AM
Dear Mr War Veteran In The Wheel Chair Handing Out Pictures Of Jesus,

...I think I know the guy in those pictures and it sure as heck ain't Mister Christ.

-RW
PS: PLEASE DON'T TRY TO CROSS THE ROAD WHEN CARS ARE COMING! These nutters around here aren't as cautious as I.

BarbieGirl
08-22-2010, 03:46 PM
Dear DH,

A little heads up that the contractors would be fixing some shingles today would have been nice, I wouldn't have nearly had a heart attack when I heard massive thumping on the roof with just me and my small children home alone.


love the one who's heart is still racing and hands still shaking.

Becks
08-23-2010, 04:04 PM
"Dear" Ex,

About damn time this happened to you.

Karma.

--me

Elspeth
08-23-2010, 04:24 PM
Dear life in general

I hate you.

Dear Family

I am beginning to hate most of you as well.

Dear nervous breakdown

Please get here sooner rather then later. I need a nap. And I am pretty sure it is the only way I am getting one.

*cries in the corner*

AnaKhouri
08-25-2010, 07:50 PM
Dear Grouchy Guy:

Glare and sigh all you like. We're not leaving. While I think there should be child-free spaces in the world, the public library is not one of them. Also, if the train table and picture books didn't tip you off, you're in the children's section. Where there will most likely be children. Go read your hoity-toity financial magazines on the adult side if we're bothering you that much.

Sincerely,

Ana

*****

Dear College Girl:

Skinny jeans, boots, Beatles t-shirt and long black cardigan...seriously? It's 78 degrees out.

Puzzledly,

Ana

***

Dear bats:

Please come live in my backyard.

Love, Ana

shankyknitter
08-27-2010, 12:19 AM
Dear Phobos-

Sorry my aunt scared the ever living snot out of you. I was dumb and left my facebook open when I was in the shower and I'm sorry she messaged you in an attempt to 'help'. I do like you and you have said you do like me, however you and I are on the same page here and my aunt is reading a different book. Just letting you know.

-Mhari

Aunt-

I love you but I nearly killed you when you tried to 'help' me. Don't go on my computer any more.

-Shanky

BookstoreEscapee
08-27-2010, 12:21 AM
Dear Eyes,

Please stop bugging me and don't have anything wrong tomorrow.

-me

Dear Self,

Stop freaking out.

-you

Peppergirl
08-27-2010, 03:37 AM
1. Dear Work,

Bite me please. Also f**k off and die.

Love,

Pepper



2. Dear Youngest Son,

I love you dearly but I SWEAR, you were easier to handle when you were a high-strung toddler.

Please lighten up and give me a break.

Love,

Mom


3. Dear Friends,

Thank you for the compliments on my recent weightloss, however - it's not a *good* thing when said weight loss is due to loss-of-appetite due to stress. (See Dear #1 and Dear #2)

Love,

Pepper

CaroPhoenix
08-28-2010, 09:46 PM
Dear Life,

Please let me curl up and let you drift right by me.

I'm not in a good place right now.

:cry:
Me

Whiskey
08-28-2010, 10:07 PM
Dear Life,

Please let me curl up and let you drift right by me.

I'm not in a good place right now.

:cry:
Me

Dear life in general

Please get here sooner rather then later. I need a nap. And I am pretty sure it is the only way I am getting one.

*cries in the corner*

Dear you guys,

It'll be okay heres a hug :hug:

<3,
Whiskey

Dear self,

Jesus christ leave the god damn house. Go work out. Stop being a lazy ass. And dont even think about freaking out about school and having a panic attack like every other semester.

>:[,
Whiskey

CaroPhoenix
08-29-2010, 12:52 AM
Dear Whiskey,

Thank you for the hug.

I needed it.

I need someone to remind me to take my Lexapro.

Mr. Rum isn't doing a good job of it.

*sniffles*
Rummy

DGoddessChardonnay
08-29-2010, 02:41 AM
Dear Stanley-

Quit sleeping in the middle of the driveway. One of these days you're gonna end up as yard kill if you're not careful. Same goes for your sister.

Love-
Your Meowmie.

Whiskey
08-29-2010, 02:44 AM
Dear Whiskey,


I need someone to remind me to take my Lexapro.

Rummy

I write the time I took it on a calendar. No details just "5pm" "4pm"


Dear stomach,

Be less stupid today okay. We're about to get elbow deep in some kitchen grease and I dont want to feel ill the whole time.

Love you only kind of,
me

BookstoreEscapee
08-29-2010, 03:29 AM
Rummy, I used to take my meds with dinner because it was the one meal that I ate at a relatively consistent time (especially working a retail "schedule"). At least that way I took it within the same hour or two window each day. Whether I was at work or at home I ate dinner generally between 5:30 and 7.

CaroPhoenix
08-29-2010, 05:43 PM
Dear Whiskey & BE,

Thank you for the suggestions!

I'll try to follow them.

Rummy

Peppergirl
08-29-2010, 10:45 PM
Dear Rummy,

Does your cell phone have a calendar in it? When I first started taking my BCP's again (and it's been YEARS), I set a recurring reminder in my blackberry. It beeps at me every day at 4pm. :)



This is especially helpful lately with my crazy work schedule, since I don't know if I'm coming or going half the time.

Most cell phones have a calendar on them, I'm just not sure if all of them have the capability to do recurring reminders...but it's worth looking at.

Hope this helps :)

Love,
Pepper

CaroPhoenix
08-29-2010, 11:33 PM
Dear Peppergirl,

I'm going to have to check to see if my cell phone does the daily reminders. I know it has a calendar, but just never played with that feature.

*feels loved*
Rummy

Elspeth
08-30-2010, 01:18 AM
Dear Whiskey,
Thank you for the hug!!

Life has been just insane lately. Between work and everything going on outside of work, haven't had a day off in months it feels like (though we did go camping at the end of July).

Thanks again :D

DGoddessChardonnay
08-30-2010, 01:30 AM
Dear Snoopy-

Enjoy your *bleep* job. I hope it as as good for you as it was for me.

Oh and I ran out of lube . . . if you don't like it dry, then oh well . . .:wave:

Sincerely-

The wrong one you've been screwing over since June. . . .:devil:

CaroPhoenix
09-01-2010, 05:05 AM
Dear State of Virginia,

Why did you have to enact the "Kings Dominion Law"?

Child Rum could have been in school already!

:cry:
Rummy

Maximillion
09-01-2010, 08:04 AM
Dear Pinky (my overnight shift manager during the week),

Tonight was your second NCNS! You know what that means right?! They might can you! What the hell am I supposed to do without you if they do that? We're such a good team. I don't wanna work with the other ass kissers. This is our turf, yo!

Also, couldn't you have just waited til tomorrow to do this? You know I have to show boss lady that damn light duty note. She's gonna ream my eyeballs with a pencil and when she finds out you didn't show up I'm screwed. Maybe this will teach her not to schedule people 5 nights in a fucking row. Anywho, looks like we're both fucked.

Your sexy bitch,
Max

Whiskey
09-01-2010, 08:58 AM
Dear Pinky (my overnight shift manager during the week),

I don't wanna work with the other ass kissers. This is our turf, yo!

Your sexy bitch,
Max

Dear Max,

Thanks for reminding me I'm not the only one who is territorial about grave shifts.

xo,
whiskey

CaroPhoenix
09-01-2010, 09:54 PM
Dear Child Rum,

Screaming in Mommy's ear & then not listening to her when she tells you to go to your room, doesn't make Mommy want to listen to you. As a matter of fact, she's now ignoring you because she's deaf in one ear (from you standing next to her and screaming).

Where's that bottle of rum anyways?
Momma Rum

DGoddessChardonnay
09-01-2010, 11:31 PM
Dear Laundry-

Quit piling back up again the next day after I've already washed everything. There's simply not enough hours in the day for me to run 2 or 3 loads through both the washer and dryer, not to mention folding in between going to work, coming home, having to clean up the kitchen, cook dinner, clean the kitchen back up and get my shower and either watch a little tv or spend some time online before bed.

Signed-
The only one in the house who actually uses the damn washer and dryer and has to do pretty much everything else

BookstoreEscapee
09-01-2010, 11:35 PM
Dear DGoddess,

Become a nudist and your laundry pile will shrink dramatically!

Sincerely,
A helpful poster
:D

DGoddessChardonnay
09-02-2010, 12:03 AM
Dear A Helpful Poster-

I would try that suggestion, however, that could cause a bit of chaos at my workplace. They have this policy in place that one must be clothed properly for work.

It's rather archaic, I know. However I can't seem to get the rest of my family to go along with the nudist conversion. :shrug:

One small comfort is that the cats are self-cleaning and the dogs don't care.:p

Signed-
DGoddess

Becks
09-02-2010, 04:05 PM
Dear lower back,

Stop hurting.

And don't even think of turning into back spasms!!!

Grrrrrrrrrr,

--me

DGoddessChardonnay
09-02-2010, 10:27 PM
Dear Mouth Almighty-

Thanks for extending your medical leave again, which leaves me busting my ass and dealing with Snoopy more than I'd like to. Bad enough I've had to put up with him trying to sneak up on me all the time, and him trying to tell me who I can talk to at work and what I can and can't say, then being left alone in a locked grocery store for almost an hour (along with another female employee) while he left. Now I'm having to put up with his ass whining about the vendors for Dog knows how long because your legs hurt???

Just quit keeping us all in suspense and quit already . . . it's obvious from how many days you've been out ever since I was transferred to that store 4 years ago that you don't want your job that bad, much less need it.

By the way . . . the vendors don't seem to miss you. They've pretty much stopped asking when you're coming back. I've even had one say he hoped you didn't come back.

Signed-
The tired, overworked and stressed out (and needing a vacation) DGoddess

Bella_Vixen
09-03-2010, 04:14 AM
Dear lower back,

Stop hurting.

And don't even think of turning into back spasms!!!

Grrrrrrrrrr,

--me

************************************************

Dear Becks--

Thanks for sending your spasms my way.

:cry:

--Sunshine

Becks
09-03-2010, 04:44 AM
Dear Lizziebeff,

I didn't mean to.

Besides, my back is still trying to decide if it wants to spasm or not.

Joy.

--Becks

DGoddessChardonnay
09-03-2010, 11:43 PM
Dear Mosquitoes-

Go find another buffet to snack on. I am NOT a pizza, nor do I like to resemble one with all these pink spots on me from where you've bitten me relentlessly every time I set foot outside all summer long.

Sincerely-
Me

CaroPhoenix
09-04-2010, 12:03 AM
"Dear" cataract in Child Rum's right eye,

Why did you have to grow bigger? Who is feeding you?

Child's vision is now 20/100.

We have to patch her left eye (to strengthen the bad right eye) for 2 hours. 2. HOURS. Do you realize how hard it is to get her to wear her patch for 30 minutes?

:cry:
Rummy
-----------------------------------
Dear Child Rum,

What possessed you to go out running across the street to Daddy and Daddy's friend wearing nothing but a smile and a pair of underpants?

*going insane*
Momma Rum

BookstoreEscapee
09-04-2010, 12:06 AM
Dear Becks and Bella,

I have a On Notice (http://shop.comedycentral.com/The-Colbert-Report-Youre-On-Notice/M/B00374JJSK.htm) board (from the Colbert Report) on my file drawer at work. Lower back is on it.

Also Wednesday.

-BE

Dear Eyes,

Stop it please.

-me

Becks
09-04-2010, 03:03 PM
Dear BE,

That's something I simply must order for myself.

:D

--Becks

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear MOTH,

Yeah. Um... Yeah.

I don't like you right now.

--me

DGoddessChardonnay
09-05-2010, 02:50 AM
Dear RTO Store-

Your crew made me one very happy customer today when I came by today with my Mom to look for a new tv set. While we didn't expect it to be delivered before we got home, it was still great to come home and the tv was already set up and connected to the satellite receiver and my DVD/VCR unit and everything was working like a charm.

I'm still blown away at how awesome your service was. :D

Sincerely-
DGoddessChardonnay

CaroPhoenix
09-06-2010, 11:14 PM
Dear everyone,

Tomorrow is the first day of school for Child Rum. She's entering 2nd grade.

I don't know if I should: :cry: or :lol: or :drink:

Maybe all 3?

Rummy
------------------------------------
Dear Ashton Kutcher,

After I throw Child Rum on the bus, I'm going to be going out and buying "Killers" on DVD.

Sincerely,
A fan named Rummy

DGoddessChardonnay
09-06-2010, 11:22 PM
Dear Dingbat-

Just saw on FB you and Homer finally got your first apartment. Hope everything goes well for you.:D

Just remember though: the smoke detector ain't no timer. But at least we won't have to worry about a fire since Homer's a trained fire fighter.:p

Love-
Your Oldest Sister

PS - Come and get your dishes that I promised you . . . just call and we'll have some boxes for you.

fireheart
09-13-2010, 12:51 AM
Dear Sara Lee Cheesecake bites,

You are heaven. Absolute heaven.

Love,
Me.

Bella_Vixen
09-13-2010, 01:40 AM
Dear leg--

Please stop hurting. I've taken so many pain meds in the last 12 days that I fear for my liver.

Seriously.

:blink:

--me

tropicsgoddess
09-13-2010, 09:32 AM
To the next door neighbors,

For the love of all things holy....SHUT THE HELL UP!!! We're tired of hearing you and your boy toy or whatever he is to you having loud ass arguments day in and out. Even after you've been told by the landlady and cops to quit it you still keep going on and on! Do us all a favor and take that crap on Jerry Springer or somewhere far away from here. Or hell, break up with him, take some counseling or something! Just shut up already! Sheesh!

-Me.

cewfa
09-17-2010, 12:31 AM
Dear Ex-Friend,
I miss you despite the way treated me and that makes me sad, lonely, and angry at the same time. I know you care, why won't you show it?

Dear Soon to be Ex-Friends,
Ex-Friend (mentioned above) and I are not going to be friends until she proves to me that she sincerely wants to be my friend. You guys need to accept that and accept that I am not going to let her manipulate me and accept that the world doesn't revolve around her. Don't shun me because she is being a bitch towards me.

Dear Soon to be Ex-Friend,
Don't get pissed off because I tried to cheer you up because you were stupid enough to fall in love with a married woman. She isn't going to leave her husband for you, she probably doesn't have the guts to leave her husband. Quit being a prick and let me be there for you.

Love all,
Bubba.

BookstoreEscapee
09-17-2010, 12:51 AM
Dear guy at the eye doctor,

I feel like I'm in middle school but I really want to find an excuse to come back...

:o
The girl who's been there twice in the last two weeks*

*(legitimately)

cewfa
09-17-2010, 01:28 AM
Dear Girl I am talking to,
Please don't fall for me. I am getting ready to go back to school in another state and don't really want a relationship. Besides that, I am a slob and an asshole (not really). Please, please, please, don't fall for me.

CaroPhoenix
09-23-2010, 12:36 PM
To the Asshat that RAN THROUGH THE LIGHTS OF THE SCHOOL BUS PICKING MY DAUGHTER UP,

F:censored: you. Just F:censored: you!

Just. because. there. is. a. school. bus. in. front. of. a. house. And. just. because. the. little. girl. has. walked. onto. said. bus. DOES NOT GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO BLOW THROUGH THE STOP SIGN AND FLASHING LIGHTS. MY DAUGHTER IS NOT, I REPEAT, NOT SETTLED INTO HER SEAT. SHE HAS TO BE BUCKLED IN.

I swear to God the next time you blow through the lights of that bus, I'm chasing after you and getting your plate number and siccing the cops on you.

Sincerely,
An irate parent named Rummy

PS AND NOOOOOO, WAVING AS YOU PROCEED FORWARD DOES. NOT. EXEMPT. YOU. FROM. WHAT. YOU. DID.

PSS My daughter rides a special needs bus. So calm your horses!!!!!!

Peppergirl
09-23-2010, 07:22 PM
Dear Coffee Machine,

PLEASE just learn to make yourself. Oh, I know all I have to do is load you up and turn on the timer, but even THAT is too much trouble lately.

Love,

Pepper

Andrew B.
09-23-2010, 08:03 PM
Dear GF,

I'm surprised that our anniversery is coming up in a week. I can't believe it's been a year. I still wonder what we should do that day. I'm glad we got together.

Andrew

Dear Stomach,

Stop with the feeling ill, I don't need it right now.

Your host

BookstoreEscapee
09-23-2010, 11:29 PM
Dear Guy,

I still can't stop thinking about you.

-the girl who is still wanting to break her glasses by "accident"...

Jack T. Chance
09-24-2010, 12:43 AM
Dear Self;

It's a funny ol' life, itn't it?

Enjoy it while you can. :)

--Me

Becks
09-24-2010, 03:20 PM
Dear BE,

Have you thought about taking a nap with your glasses on so they become a little bit ...off...so you can get them readjusted?
:D

In a corrupting mood,

Becks

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear cold,

Go the f:censored: away.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr,

--me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Alias 2,

I :love: you.

Loving my new phone,

me

BookstoreEscapee
09-24-2010, 10:36 PM
Dear Becks,

The funny thing is I had them adjusted after my first appointment. Before I really knew I'd want to have them adjusted later. ;)

-be

Peppergirl
09-25-2010, 02:58 AM
Dear self,

The ice-queen may be thawing a bit, huh? Do not panic....yet. Deep breaths!!

Love,

Me

Becks
09-25-2010, 04:47 AM
Dear BE,

Figures, huh?

I'll try to think of something.

Pondering,

Becks

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear self,

You are learning (AGAIN) that even mild sleep deprivation, added up over time, makes you hallucinate.

Having fun,

Sleepy but not in bed yet,

--me

BookstoreEscapee
09-25-2010, 04:49 AM
Dear Becks,

Pedersen is on AIM giving me advice and pep talks. :p

-be

CaroPhoenix
09-25-2010, 05:43 AM
Dear Self,

Why can you not sleep? You have big day tomorrow having to shuttle Child by yourself 'cos Mr. Rum has to go to office.

:runaway:
:mad:
Rummy

Jack T. Chance
09-25-2010, 05:48 AM
Dear Car;

Seriously? You do this shit to me at 11 o'clock on a Friday night? :confused:

You. Suck. :pissed:

--Your owner, who really wishes he could afford to replace you with a newer, shinier model.

Becks
09-25-2010, 03:11 PM
Dear BE,

:p

Love, Becks

PS-- That reminds me. I should install my various messengers on the laptop, since I'm rarely on the desktop computer anymore.

cewfa
09-25-2010, 04:10 PM
Dear girl I was talking to,
Leave me alone already, you big twatberry.

Your favorite player.

Becks
09-26-2010, 02:59 PM
Dear MOTH,

Yeah, ummmmmm....you maybe think that keeping the damn fucking window open all night is going to make my cold go away?

It's not.

I'm fucking freezing.

Just because you weigh like a billion pounds and are hot all the time...why do I have to suffer for it?

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr,

--me

DGoddessChardonnay
09-26-2010, 09:32 PM
Dear Rain-

While I'm really glad to see you, as we've been so dry lately, why do you have to send the temperature plumnenting down into the low 60's and make everything chilly?

I'd like a warm rain, if it's not too much to ask.

Sincerely-
Me - who thinks the weather should revolve around her:p

BookstoreEscapee
09-26-2010, 09:34 PM
Dear DGoddess,

I like a cool rain. Send it up my way!

Actually, it's only 69 and getting cloudy here.

-be

Jack T. Chance
10-06-2010, 02:47 PM
Dear Self;

What the fuck is wrong with you? I mean, seriously, when are you ever gonna learn?!?

No love for you right now.

--Me

CaroPhoenix
10-07-2010, 08:57 PM
Dear Jack T. Chance,

Mebbe we can talk about the fairy tales of childhood whilst at the renn faire on Sunday?

:D
Rummy
-----------------------
Dear Child,

Why did you spit on one of your classmates? :cry:

No one will want to be your friend.

Exasperated,
Your Momma

Jack T. Chance
10-07-2010, 09:52 PM
Dear Jack T. Chance,

Mebbe we can talk about the fairy tales of childhood whilst at the renn faire on Sunday?

:D
RummyDear Rummy;

Perhaps.

--Me

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Self;

It's time. Enough of this bullshit. Just let your heart become black & cold. It'll be easier that way.

--Me

CaroPhoenix
10-07-2010, 10:49 PM
Dear Jack,

YAY! I love to talk fairy tales. Always good fodder for writing.

Also, have you ever read Zenescope's Grimm Fairy Tales?

Rummy

Peppergirl
10-08-2010, 12:01 AM
Dear Self,

Congrats. 9 months of being cigarette-free and you just had to blow it. Woo-hoo, me!!!

Here's to hitting the bed before 9pm for the first time in years. Not such a BAC (bad-ass-chick) after all, are ya?


Same ol' shit...nothing ever changes.

~me

Bella_Vixen
10-14-2010, 06:09 AM
Dear stockers/cashiers made to stock--

When prepping things for backstock, it is NOT a good idea to put the dish/laundry detergent in the box sideways.

I understand that AM from hell-not to mention the rest of us who have to work backstock-wants as few boxes as possible. I've seen pallets that are stacked so high, I'm honestly surprised nothing has fallen and hurt somebody.

But, for the love of sanity, use common sense! These things LEAK. I did NOT appreciate getting a handful of soap...not to mention having to clean off numerous other bottles so they could be stocked.

:rant:

Even L, who has something nice to say about everyone, was flabbergasted. And said that I'm expecting too much out of our coworkers to think that some of them actually had any sense to begin with.

CaroPhoenix
10-16-2010, 12:13 AM
Dear Everyone,

My laptop is home now. :)

Rummy
--------------------------------------
Dear Jack T.Chance, PepperGirl, & Taboo,

I had fun at Renn Faire!

We should get together again.

Rummy

Jack T. Chance
10-16-2010, 02:45 AM
Dear Jack T.Chance, PepperGirl, & Taboo,

I had fun at Renn Faire!

We should get together again.

RummyDear Rummy;

We shall. Count on it. :)

--Me

Sarlon
10-16-2010, 05:36 AM
dear self;

You are sick.

You need sleep.

You should NOT of stood out in the rain with the police for that long when you were wearing next to nothing for the kind of weather you were in.

go crawl into that nice warm clean bed you made, and SLEEP! you have the boys coming over sunday and it will do no good if the DM is to sick to see straight!

Love always,
me

****************

Dearest Furchild;

Mummy is sick, she needs rest. She fully appericates you wanting to quietly cuddle even under the covers, but racing through the house at top speeds often landing on mommy's tummy does not help mommy feel better.

Please go back to bird watching the invsible birds on the roof next door...mommy can handle that too..

much love always,
mommy

CaroPhoenix
10-16-2010, 03:24 PM
Dear Rummy;

We shall. Count on it. :)

--Me

Dear Jack T. Chance,

Yay!

:roll:
Rummy
---------------------------------------
Dear Self,

Why is my nose clogged when I wake up in the morning? Why am I getting sick? So far *knock on wood* everyone in the house is good, except for you.

Get better soon!

:cry:
Me

Peppergirl
10-16-2010, 09:11 PM
[Dear Self,

Why is my nose clogged when I wake up in the morning? Why am I getting sick? So far *knock on wood* everyone in the house is good, except for you.

Get better soon!

:cry:
Me[/COLOR]

Dear Rummy,

Well to be fair, Mr. Rum *is* a bit of a ninja and probably just slips away from the germs accordingly. :lol:

BookstoreEscapee
10-16-2010, 10:25 PM
Dear cold,

While I do appreciate that you are not in league with the plague I had earlier this year, I would very much like for you to go away now.

Thank you,
Me

AnaKhouri
10-19-2010, 01:37 AM
Dear Khan:

You know, it's a shame you weren't born in Germania during the reign of the Roman Empire. Watching you tear through a wedding reception, screaming gibberish at the top of your lungs, all I could think was, "He would have made a fine Berserker."

Love,

Proud Mommy

Jack T. Chance
10-19-2010, 05:25 PM
Dear Upper Management of (Company I Work For);

Your Bi-Polar/Possibly Schizophrenic tendencies in regards to company policy are really starting to get on my last nerve. Knock it off already! :runaway:

Sincerely;

A Soon-To-Be-Disgruntled-Former-Employee

Bella_Vixen
10-26-2010, 03:01 AM
Dear cow at the SD--

Explain to me why, when I work til midnight, I'm not allowed to face because the people who leave before me have to finish theirs first...and yet, when I leave at 8, I'm not allowed to finish my aisles for some unknown reason.

You are getting on my last nerve.

And feel free to tell me why, when I'm not at my register (very seldom), you call me up to check if there is 1 person not being checked out, and yet when I'm cashiering alone, you NEVER call for backup?

I hate you.

shankyknitter
10-27-2010, 05:07 AM
Dear Sexypants-

Thank you for being my sanity and my self-restraint. Thank you for being my go-to person when shit hits the fan. Thank you for loving me even though I'm bat-shit crazy and will never rate more than 'cute' on the attractiveness scale. Most people choose between attractive and crazy or plain cute and sane. Thanks for being bonkers enough to choose cute and psycho. Thank you for agreeing with me where it counts, and being able to logically state your disagreements but still accept that I won't agree with you on the little things. Thank you for deciding to take a chance on me. I know this sounds like some sort of proposal but it isn't. Oh dear gods it isn't. I love you sweetheart but not willing to look at shiny symbols yet. Please just tell me what you're sending me in the mail so I stop trying to figure it out and panicking?

All my love,

Dove.

CaroPhoenix
10-28-2010, 01:27 PM
"Dear" Alarm Clock,

Why did you not go off at 7 AM like I had you programmed to do? :confused:

Rummy
---------------------------------
Not-So-Dear-Mr. Rum,

You come home on time for spaghetti, but not so you can spend time with your wife & daughter?

Really?
Mrs. Rum

Jack T. Chance
10-28-2010, 06:13 PM
Dear idrinkarum;

Just spotted a new restaurant in Annapolis, MD yesterday that I think you'd like...

Paladar: Latin Kitchen & RUM BAR!!! :D

You're welcome.

--Jack

CaroPhoenix
10-28-2010, 07:41 PM
Dear Jack,

I think I love you! :lol:

Want to go to said new restaurant with me one day? :D

Thanks!
Rummy

CaroPhoenix
10-31-2010, 09:40 PM
Dear Child Rum,

I am very sorry that you twisted your ankle while in the moon bounce at your friend's Halloween Party! Every time you cry when you try to walk, breaks my heart. Please don't cry. I know your ankle hurts, and keeping the ice pack on it, and maybe it can heal up tomorrow.

I'm also sad you can't make it out for trick or treating.

:cry:
Mommy Rum

fireheart
11-02-2010, 12:16 AM
Dear constipation.

Why did you come to ME? And can you please go away now? It is not nice constantly having the urge to empty one's bowels and then not actually being able to do so...

CaroPhoenix
11-03-2010, 12:00 AM
Dear Mr. Rum,

You are silly.

That is all,
Mrs. Rum

Peppergirl
11-03-2010, 09:50 PM
Dear Mr. Rum,

You are silly.

That is all,
Mrs. Rum

Dear Mrs. Rum,

He is also a ninja.

That is all.

Love,
Pepper

CaroPhoenix
11-04-2010, 12:05 PM
Dear Pepper,

Does this make Mr. Rum a Silly Ninja? :D

Love,
Rummy

fireheart
11-11-2010, 09:35 PM
Dear Mother,

If you would like a maid, please give the word and I will drop right out of uni, burn all of my clothes, have the hysterectomy and dress up in a maid's outfit so that way you can have the clean house you so inherently desire.

CaroPhoenix
11-13-2010, 12:44 PM
Not-So-Dear Aunt Flow,

1. You show up at least 3-4 days EARLY.
2. You're making me crave a really really really rare, moving, and mooing steak.
3. You've already given me a migraine.
4. You're making me have nightmares! :cry:

I do not like you.

Please hurry up and leave and don't came back until next month! And when you do, please be gentler to me.

:cry: :cry: :cry:
Rummy

Jack T. Chance
11-13-2010, 10:00 PM
Dear Jack,

I think I love you! :lol:

Want to go to said new restaurant with me one day? :D

Thanks!
RummyDear Rummy;

We shall see if that can be arranged sometime... even if latin food isn't really my thing.

--Jack

Peppergirl
11-14-2010, 01:19 AM
Dear Jack,

I think I love you! :lol:

Want to go to said new restaurant with me one day? :D

Thanks!
Rummy

Dear Rummy;

We shall see if that can be arranged sometime... even if latin food isn't really my thing.

--Jack


Dear Rummy,

Don't listen to him. He can find something he likes. He'll totally go. :lol:

Love, Pep

CaroPhoenix
11-14-2010, 01:28 AM
Dear Jack & Pepper,

You both made me :lol:.

Thank-you. I really needed that.

I did get the really really really rare, mooing, and moving steak that I was craving earlier.

:D
Rummy

Jack T. Chance
11-14-2010, 03:21 AM
Dear Rummy,

Don't listen to him. He can find something he likes. He'll totally go. :lol:

Love, PepGood Gord, what have I gotten myself into?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v148/JackTChance/Smilies/HitchhikerSmilie.gifDear Jack & Pepper,

You both made me :lol:.

Thank-you. I really needed that.

I did get the really really really rare, mooing, and moving steak that I was craving earlier.

:D
RummyBut did you carve off what you wanted and then ride the rest home? ;)

--Jack

Food Lady
11-14-2010, 01:49 PM
Dear Friends & Family:

A) Yes, I'm still a vegetarian. It's been almost 2 years. Do ya know me at all?

B) Please stop asking if I eat fish. Last I checked, fish is not a vegetable.

C) No, I don't like mediterranean food or tofu. It's not automatic.
Stop offering recipes.

CaroPhoenix
11-14-2010, 02:07 PM
Dear Jack,

No, I wasn't able to ride the cow home. Mr. Rum said we have no room for it, and he's right. Backyard is too small for a cow. :p

I might not be able to go to the restaurant until next year as the next 2 months are going to be hectic. I hate having to decide where to spend holidays when all I want to do is stay home and hide under the covers.

But don't worry, when we go to the restaurant, I'll be on my best behavior. :devil: umm ... :angel:

---Rummy
-----------------------------------------
Dear Food Lady

I'm sorry your family is a little thick headed.

Here's to hoping they actually listen to you! :cheers:

----Rummy

CaroPhoenix
11-24-2010, 03:53 PM
Dear Self,

Why did you have to get sick the day before Thanksgiving? :cry:

I have an ear infection. I hope I don't give it to Child Rum. I do not need 2 sick people in the house while Mr. Rum goes around being useless.

:cry: :cry: :cry:
Rummy

fireheart
11-25-2010, 12:16 PM
Dear wrist,

please stop playing up. Thankfully I don't have to WRITE with you but still, please stop with the owies :cry:

Love,
FH


Dear Loki (My car),

I apologise for making you bent out of shape this morning. I hope the car wash satisfied you.

Love,
FH

CaroPhoenix
11-25-2010, 12:49 PM
HUSBAND -

What is so hard about "Your wife is sick. She has an ear infection. She's not in good spirits because she is sick." Can you not understand?

I'M SICK. I HAVE AN EAR INFECTION. I'M NOT IN GOOD SPIRITS BECAUSE OF SAID EAR INFECTION. LEAVE ME ALONE.

:mad:
Your Wife

Elspeth
11-26-2010, 05:51 AM
Mother Nature,
can you not pull the weather we had this week? Thanks. I would like to keep my power. And thank you for finally warming up.

CFO of my work
You are a freaking idiot. I went in when i didn't have to, so the mail and deposit could get done. Please don't freaking email me asking when i can deposit the other check that you have to put into our system. I hate you and you are freaking crazy.

and to the rest of my weekend,
Can i maybe finish my christmas cards this weekend? I want to fix the installation (we don't seem to have any against the floor of our house. This sucks when it is 25 out), watch the Oregon game and then the Boise State game. I also would like to talk the hubby into going to see Tangled. plus I want to sleep and play World of Warcraft this weekend. I don't think my weekend is long enough

CaroPhoenix
11-27-2010, 04:04 AM
Dear Darwin (my boycat),

You are just too cute! Sitting next to me, using your kitty mindwaves to make me pet you. I :love: you. You're my sweetie. :D

I just wish you'd come back and sleep with me in bed. I miss that.

Love your human mommy,
Rummy
---------------------------------------
Dear Child Rum,

I love you. And you wanting to visit Charlie Brown & Snoopy is really cute. However, I'm sorry to have to tell you they are not real.

And no, you can't enter a cartoon.

Love you & your imagination,
Momma Rum
-----------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Rum,

Thank you for being you and letting me be completely brainless today. I'm still sick.

Love,
Mrs. Rum
---------------------------------------------------
Dear Momma & Daddy Rum,

You two rawk.

Love your daughter,
Rummy

CaroPhoenix
11-28-2010, 10:22 PM
Dear World,

I am sick of turkey.

That is all.

You may return to your regularly scheduled whatever is happening right now.

:D
Rummy

Irving Patrick Freleigh
11-29-2010, 07:13 PM
Dear HBA/Grocery specialist at da swamp:

I've been thinking long and hard about saying this, but I really need to. You and I are finished.

Yesterday, all you did was whine. That's all you ever do. Whine about needing to help other people out once in a while. You had all your signs put up in HBA and couldn't comprehend the rest of us were trying to get the rest of the store signed. You wanted to go do something else instead of helping in another department, because "I always have to help everybody else!" Boo fuckin' hoo. HBA is the easiest department to sign anyway.

And then you flipped out at me because I left you a cart of Christmas stuff from autopulls to fill, because I'd been asked to start on the housewares freight from the truck Friday night. "I'm not doing this by myself!" Guess what? You are. I'd never get away with refusing to do something because nobody else was helping me.

And then after you dragged ass doing that, you followed us around begging for something to do, and we told you you could do HBA repacks from the truck. "I did that yesterday; I'm not helping you again." Srsly? Nobody else in this store has a problem helping out others when asked.

Last Thursday night I spent all night getting your shit together for the Black Friday sale, I even went so far to show you where it was, and what did you do all morning? Spend it walking around and chatting with two former co-workers who happened to stop in early. I chatted with them to, but I kept working as I did. I didn't drop everything to stand in domestics and talk. I actually was the one running his ass off keeping your stuff stocked as it was selling. And I was supposed to be on the opposite end of the store.

You know what? You're just a bitch. Every day I gotta walk on eggshells around you and resist the urge to tell you to pull the lit firecracker tampon out of your ass before I do it for you. I can't even say hi to you any more. I know you well enough to know that might be the thing to set you off. So you can quit with the "Why can't you say hi to me and be polite?" garbage.

Oh--and whenever your cousin drops by with her little boy, why must you drop everything to walk around with him and coo over him? Don't you see him enough outside of work? Oh, and really classy of you to teach him how to swear and insult me. "Say 'go away you dork!' 'Go 'way, dork!' 'Great job!'" Fine example you're setting for that kid.

And then you insist on trying to set me up with his mother. I got nothing against her, but I don't really want to date somebody with a kid right now. And it could possibly lead to marriage, which would mean being related to you.

Because you don't treat your relatives well either. Yeah, I heard all about when you had just bought that house of yours, and your dad was helping you get moved in, and you cursed him out so bad over some little thing he got fed up, told you to move the rest of your stuff yourself, and went home. How can you talk that way to your parents? If I did that, not only would I be moving my own stuff, but I'd have been backhanded right into next week.

And you think my co-worker and I are going to come over and paint your house. Ha ha. It is to laugh. Quit asking us.

Seriously, buying a house is the biggest mistake you've ever made in your life. Especially if you keep up this attitude and bad temper of yours. I'd be surprised if you still had your job this time next year if you keep it up. Then you won't be able to pay your mortgage and will have to move into an apartment or back home with your folks. That is, if they take you back.

Oh, and don't think I don't know about the shit that went down at your apartment. I know all about that little war you got into with your neighbor--screaming matches that lasted until the cops were called to calm you down, setting your alarm clock to play loud music at random times when you were gone, egging his car. I guess it may have been a good thing you bought that house, because you were damn close to getting evicted. Nobody there misses you.

And I think I might have to reconsider going out to all the retirement parties and out-of-work get togethers if you're coming along. I'm getting a bit tired of watching you pound down your third drink before dinner and get all rowdy and loud and make other people give us dirty looks because of all the sailor talk passing your lips. I sure as hell don't go to these shindigs for your sake. I go for my co-workers and your friends, who I may bitch and complain about at work, but outside of work they're decent, nice people. Which is more than I can say for you.

Oh, and the last time I was supposed to go out drinking with you and stood you up and told you I didn't come because I had a splitting headache? I don't regret it one bit. Not when you nearly got in a fight with somebody else and the bartender had to call security. Babysitting your drunk ass is not fun, and I'm not going to be your designated driver. Frankly, I'm shocked you evidently haven't been arrested, between your bar behavior and the apartment shit.

In summation, we're just co-workers, not friends, and from here on out I intend to have as little to do with you as possible. I'm all done. The bridge, it has been nuked.

No love but much sincerity,
Irv

Irving Patrick Freleigh
11-30-2010, 11:02 PM
Dear People Who Like To Post On Message Boards That Somebody Famous Has Died, Such As Ashley Greene or Most Recently Johnny Depp, For The Sole Purpose Of Attracting Attention:

Go get fucked.

Irv.

CaroPhoenix
12-01-2010, 12:33 AM
Dear Irv,

Here are some:

:hug: :hug: :hug:

and you most definitely need some of these:

:cheers: :cheers: :cheers:

Hope this will get you through at least for the next day or two.

:D
Rummy

CaroPhoenix
12-04-2010, 11:10 AM
Mr. Rum,

Last night I asked you rub Ben Gay into my back as I was in a lot of pain. Who the f:censored: cares that your hands would be "greasy" and "burn" for the 2.5 seconds after rubbing said cream into my back and going into the bathroom and washing the stuff off?

Don't ever try to rub the stuff into my back with a towel. All you did was rub it OFF my skin not IN my skin.

:pissed:
Mrs. Rum
----------------------------------
To my back,

WTF did I ever do to you? I have no clue, but I can barely move and I can't figure out how to affix the heating pad to my back/side permanently. Please stop hurting.

:cry:
Rummy
-------------------------------------
Child Rum,

Mommy's sorry you can't go to swim lessons, but I cannot drive. At all.

:cry:
Mommy
---------------------------------------------
Dear NanaRum and PapaRum (my parents),

I love you both. I really really do. However, Mr. Rum providing for me financially is NOT the same thing as providing for me emotionally.

All my love,
Your Daughter,
Rummy

Trishlovesdolphins
12-04-2010, 02:41 PM
http://www.dearblankpleaseblank.com/


If you're amused by these posts, you might like this site. :)

CaroPhoenix
12-07-2010, 03:26 PM
Dear Coffee,

I love you.

Devotedly yours,
Rummy
---------------------------------
Christmas,

I'm sorry to inform you, but I might have to cancel you this year as Child Rum is being very very very naughty. She's too naughty for Santa to come and give her presents.

Regretfully yours,
Rummy

BookstoreEscapee
12-11-2010, 02:30 PM
Dear Rooomie,

I'm so very glad that you are "perfectly comfortable"; and thank you for pointing out last night when you got up from your nap on the couch to go to bed that you were "actually not cold." Yay for you. But it's 63 fucking degrees in here and that is not acceptable (or legal).

Shiveringly,
Me

CaroPhoenix
12-12-2010, 09:25 PM
Dear Mr. Rum,

Thank you for letting me take an almost 3-hour nap. I have no clue what was wrong with me, but the nap was something I needed.

That said ...

Don't ever yell at me again for throwing up in the bathroom garbage can! I bought it at the Dollar Store. I'm sure we have one dollar plus a nickel (for VA state tax) to buy a replacement one. I wasn't sure if I was going throw up or have it all come out of the other end. Or if it'd come out of both ends at the same time. So ... Just stop with the mumblings of "That's what the toilet is for ... for throwing up in ...."

:mad:

Looking forward to soup,
Mrs. Rum

Jack T. Chance
12-14-2010, 06:12 PM
Dear Boss;

Not happy with you right now. No, not at all.

Some day you'll realize that you were wrong. You'll also realize that I am NOT the man with whom to fuck! :mad:

That is all.

--Me
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mother Nature;

You suck. Go fuck yourself.

--Cold & Pissed Off

Bella_Vixen
12-19-2010, 07:15 PM
Dear back--

Why are you spasming again?!? I cannot handle this again. Please don't do it for 2 weeks, like last time.

--Me

************************************************** *********

Dear family--

If I tell you that I barely got 2 hours of sleep because of my delightful back spasms last night, why would you think I would want to spend ANY amount of time in a car? Or that I can go another 24 hours without a heating pad/massager? I was crying/screaming from the pain, for fuck's sake!

--Me

Irving Patrick Freleigh
12-19-2010, 07:49 PM
Dear Bella:

As his first act as a Milwaukee Brewer, want me to send Zach Greinke over to make your back better?

Only two months until pitchers and catchers report,
Irv

fireheart
12-19-2010, 11:39 PM
Dear Mother,

My womb is officially being held to ransom. In short, if you want me to have kids, or you want to see your grandkids in future, STAY OUT OF MY BEDROOM!

Bella_Vixen
12-20-2010, 03:33 AM
Dear Irv--

Is he cute? Failing that, can he actually pitch?

--Bella

RootedPhoenix
12-23-2010, 09:44 PM
Dear self,

If you don't stop hitting the wall with your skull, I am going to superglue a bike helmet on it. I might even pad every surface in existence. I don't need any more scrambled brains, alright?!

Stop it. Now. Ugh. This hurts.

--Me

Becks
12-30-2010, 04:06 PM
Serious ranting here!!!!!!!!!!



To the man of the household--

Please please please please please PLEASE STFU.

You talk about stuff you don't I don't give a flying fuck about...like football. I can only fake interest for so long. Then you get angry at me because I seem bored or angry. Could it possibly be because I DON'T CARE?!?!?!?!?!? And I tell you all the time that I don't? Hell, you even start your comments with "I know you don't like football, but..." Yeah. Fuck you.

Whatever map thing you're doing for your stupid computer game. You're the one who takes something simple and turns it into a near impossible quest. You think I give a damn that parts of South Hackensack aren't matching up with the surrounding towns? I. Don't. CARE!!!!!!!!!!!

Quizzes on Sporcle. Don't bitch and moan that it's hard when you choose to take a quiz on something you know next to nothing about. And guess what...I know much more than you do.

Oh, and :wtf: Last night, you tell me that being home all the time screws up your schedule. (Hey, sorry that it's taking me longer than I would like to find a job.) And yet, you complain that I'm never home. Bullshit. I spend more time in this apartment waiting for your fat, lazy ass to wake up than anything...just for you to start in on the above mentioned subjects. You bitch when I go out with Lizziebeff, or friends, or go out to my mom's house.

You know, I would LOVE to have some alone time. You sleeping doesn't count, since you wake up every two hours, pee, eat and drink something, talk my ear off about stupid shit, then go back to sleep. That is NOT alone time. I want you to go somewhere. Anywhere. Just get the fuck out of here for a couple of hours.

Go grocery shopping. Let me stay home. It's not fun for me to go with you. You want to know why? Because I get a few things I know I'll eat (if you give me the chance to, and don't eat it while I'm sleeping), you buy all kinds of God knows what, then when your credit card bill comes in, you bitch at how much the bill is. Hey, I'm not the one who can drink a 12 pack of soda in a day or less. I'm not the one who can eat a half gallon of ice cream (more or less) in one sitting, then whine about the stomach ache and other issues (that you insist in telling me in great detail about) that result.

I could go on, but I'm just too angry and frustrated to.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr .

CaroPhoenix
12-30-2010, 04:26 PM
Dear Becks,

You.

Me.

Thelma and Louise-style outing minus driving the car over the cliff?

:hug:
Rummy

Becks
12-30-2010, 07:55 PM
Rummy,

I'm all for it!!!

--Becks

BookstoreEscapee
12-31-2010, 04:06 AM
Dear Ex,

You are an asshole. See you in court.

RootedPhoenix
12-31-2010, 04:59 AM
Rummy, BE, and Becks,

*hugs*

--RP

CaroPhoenix
12-31-2010, 05:49 AM
Dear Becks,

We might have to go to New Jersey and pick up BookstoreEscapee.

Making Plans,
Rummy
---------------------------------
Dear BE,

Becks & I will be taking you with us.

Encouragingly,
Rummy
-------------------------------
Dear RP,

Thanks for the hugs!

:hug:
Rummy
------------------------------------
Dear O'Danny Girls,

You are awesome! I love your songs!

Keep them coming,
A Fan,
Rummy
-------------------------------
Dear Ms. Sarah,

I can't wait to play RISK with you & your harem of nerd boys.

Looking forward to 7 PM on Dec. 31,
Rummy

BookstoreEscapee
12-31-2010, 03:53 PM
---------------------------------
Dear BE,

Becks & I will be taking you with us.

Encouragingly,
Rummy
-------------------------------


Can we take a ride to Florida with a baseball bat?

CaroPhoenix
01-01-2011, 01:16 PM
Can we take a ride to Florida with a baseball bat?

Dear BE,

Sure!

Florida's Baseball Team needs a new hitter?

:angel:
Rummy

dalesys
01-01-2011, 02:32 PM
Florida's Baseball Team needs a new hitter?
I had the impression the game was Beastball(s)™:devil:

Irving Patrick Freleigh
01-02-2011, 01:02 AM
Dear Wisconsin Badgers Football Coaching Staff:

I just made a list of things smarter than you. A-hem...


Snooki
Actually, the entire cast of Jersey Shore
The Kardashians. All of them
That beauty pageant contestant from South Carolina in that one pageant. Y'know, this one (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww)
The big dump I took this morning
That one cashier at my job who can never figure out to ring up checks and gift cards correctly
Sarah Palin. Or Barack Obama (in the interest of political balance)
Mike McCarthy (this is a close call)
The Shamwow guy
Lunker from the Retail comic strip
A box of rocks


And now here's my list of things dumber than you: Me, for thinking those last few games at the end of the season actually meant you were starting to figure it out. I mean, going into halftime with all three timeouts and then blowing two early in the second half? Really? Timeouts are not cell phone minutes; they don't carry over.

But thanks for saving me money on all the Wisconsin gear I was going to buy if you won. I don't think I'll be able to bring myself to even walk into the store.

Hope you enjoyed hanging 70 on Austin Peay, 83 on Indiana and 70 more on Northwestern. I hope it was worth it.

Regards,
Irv the Bridesmaid

BookstoreEscapee
01-02-2011, 01:09 AM
Dear Ex,

Threatening me is not going to help.

-Me

CaroPhoenix
01-02-2011, 02:38 AM
Dear BE,

If you need someone to vent to, I am here.

Otherwise, I'm getting a hankering for Boost (http://www.takaboost.com/home.html) and a hoagie.:D

So I might be making a trip up to New Jersey. Exit 5 off the Turnpike. Will be there if you need a shoulder to cry on in person.

Encouragingly,
Rummy
-------------------------------------------------
Dear Camelot Wine,

Thank you for existing.

Deliriously Happy,
Wine-y
er
Rummy

BookstoreEscapee
01-02-2011, 03:58 AM
Dear BE,

If you need someone to vent to, I am here.

Otherwise, I'm getting a hankering for Boost (http://www.takaboost.com/home.html) and a hoagie.:D

So I might be making a trip up to New Jersey. Exit 5 off the Turnpike. Will be there if you need a shoulder to cry on in person.

Encouragingly,
Rummy


Dear Rummy,

Thanks! (Just so no one worries, the threat was a legal one, not threatening violence or anything like that. One that he would likely lose, if he tried it, and in any case would just make more difficulty for him and would not be worth his time.) It's kind of a lot to get into right now but maybe after Tuesday.

I am somewhere between 8A and 9 (if I'm going south I go out to 8A, if I'm going north I go up to 9).

-BE

CaroPhoenix
01-02-2011, 02:43 PM
Dear BE,

You're welcome!

My Grandma is buried at Edgewater Cemetary (I think that's the name, it's off of 130). Now that December is over, I can go up there and not be a complete total wreck. (Grandma died December 28, 2000).

See, right off of Exit 5 there is a Cracker Barrel (I heart Cracker Barrel). Plus, at the Kohl's up there, I can find a plethora of Philadelphia Eagles stuffs. My Grandpa lives near Riverside, and I should go visit him (he's getting up there in years).

And of course, there's always the Boost. I think I should order some off the internets for my dad.

Okay, I'm rambling. (I have caffeine and I slept in! W00t!)

You take care of yourself now, and again, PM me, IM me, send me a video of you interpretive dancing, and I'll get back to you and help you out anyway I can (which means listening as I know nothing of legal matters).

:hug:
Rummy
---------------------------------------------------
Dear Coffee,

I :love: you.

Rummy

iradney
01-02-2011, 04:45 PM
You take care of yourself now, and again, PM me, IM me, send me a video of you interpretive dancing, and I'll get back to you and help you out anyway I can (which means listening as I know nothing of legal matters).


Dear BE

Can I get that video too please??

Rads

Dear Rummy

You're hilarious when you're on a caffeine high :D :love:

Rads

Dear food

Please stop trying to kill me when I'm cooking you!!!

Rads

Becks
01-02-2011, 05:06 PM
Rummy,

Sorry I'm late in responding.

Let's go get BE.

--Becks

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BE,

Keep an eye out for weird people looking for you.

:angel:

--Becks

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MOTH, part 2:

Bridges--don't care

Trains--don't care

Cranes--don't care

Overhead views of Newark and surrounding areas--don't care. Seen them from planes, rode through the neighborhoods.

Memes--couldn't care less. Really.

Stop telling me that I'm pretty when I first wake up. I am not. I look like hell and my hair is all over the place, refusing to be confined by a scrunchie until I can find my hairbrush.

Don't bitch about the occasional strand of hair that appears out of nowhere, because it freaks you out. It's perfectly natural for the occasional strand of hair to fall out, you know. It amuses me, though, that you never seem to notice the mini clumps that I stick on your pillow when you're exceptionally obnoxious.

In short, you're still annoying the ever living hell out of me.

*hiss*

BookstoreEscapee
01-02-2011, 05:14 PM
Dear Rads,

No.

:p

---

Dear Rummy,

Thanks! I appreciate the support. Need to get organized... court is on Tuesday and I will post what happens when it is all done.

I have never heard of Boost (other than the nutrition shake stuff).

-BE

---

Dear Becks,

:blink:

-BE

CaroPhoenix
01-02-2011, 05:46 PM
Dear Rads,

You are awesome too!

We must find a mutual destination to meet each other at. Maybe the Bahamas?

Rummy
---------------------------------------------
Dear BE,

I look forward to reading what you type up about what happens on Tuesday. (Didn't realize it was so close!)

Good Luck!
Rummy
--------------------------------------------
Dear Becks,

"Weird people"? I resemble that comment. :p

Also, I'll be bringing this: :salmon: for your MOTH.

Mebbe he can get together with Mr. Rum and then we can be left in peace?

Hoping for things to change,
Rummy
------------------------------------------
Dear Child Rum,

Your birthday is in July. Not January. Papa Rum's birthday is in January.

Also, we're seeing Grandma & YeYe (Grandpa - that's the Mandarin Chinese version of the word) on January 8. Please no more asking for toys until we see Daddy's side of the family.

About to pass out from the toy requests,
Momma Rum

BookstoreEscapee
01-02-2011, 06:05 PM
Dear Rum,

Yeah, I got about a month's notice, and he tried to get them to postpone but they denied his request (because he didn't have proper backup to confirm his reasons - guess he was hoping that since I didn't object they would just give it to him; a letter from his boss shouldn't have been that difficult, though). I was kinda hoping they would agree becuase I feel like I need more time but on the other hand, it's probably best to just get it over with.

-me

Becks
01-02-2011, 08:32 PM
Dear BE,

*oodles of hugs*

Love,

Becks
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Rummy,

Better to be weird than :shudder: normal.

Also, your idea to leave the men to each other is a great one!!! :lol:

Now, he's talking about The Natural. It's his favorite movie. It puts me to sleep.

Might have to go out shopping for earplugs tonight.

Love,

Becks

CaroPhoenix
01-02-2011, 11:51 PM
Dear Becks,

Your MOTH doesn't have a last name that starts with an "S" and ends with a "son" or a last name that starts with a "W"? And he doesn't have family in Nebraska?

Sounds like he'd get along with my hubs! Generally any movie that has a sport in it, my husband will watch at least once.

It's annoying.

Rummy
-----------------------------
Dear BE,

Will be thinking of you on Tuesday.

Rummy
-------------------------------
Dear Child Rum's Autism,

Why do you have to manifest in the perseverating form more often than not?

I feel like a bad guy for having to take away the (literally) object of her obssession for the night.

:cry:
Momma Rum

Becks
01-03-2011, 05:49 AM
Rummy,

No...his family (such as it is) is strictly New Jersey/New York.

The odd thing about The Natural is that usually, I greatly enjoy baseball movies. I just get bored with that one.

:shrug:,

Becks
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To anyone with a kind compassionate heart,

Please save me!!! He's talking about FOOTBALL again!!!

:runaway:

Bella_Vixen
01-03-2011, 06:19 AM
Dear Becks--

Come over to my place.

Seriously.

When he's asleep, just come over and lock the door...and for the love of God, DO NOT answer it.

--Me



P.S. SKWUSH!!