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RootedPhoenix
06-17-2011, 08:59 AM
Dear brain,

That pain and swelling? Knock it off. I don't like being unable to do anything! :mad:

--RP

monolayth
06-21-2011, 01:14 AM
Dear next paycheck,

Could you please get here sooner. I need a new powercord for my netbook.

getting frustrated,
Mono.

CaroPhoenix
06-24-2011, 01:10 AM
"Dear" MotherRum,

You have given me a major headache and a bad case of anxiety. Child Rummwill be just fine tomorrow at the Pirate-themed water park. She will be with the caregivers she's used to at the ARC. They are pairing one person per child. I've told her the rules. Now please stop harping.

:cry:
DaughterRum

morwynskya
06-25-2011, 07:26 PM
Dear Q*est;

Thanks for not telling us the pricing structure for our basic service was no longer in effect (what with the big schmantzy merger and all) and thereby jacking our monthly cost of internet access by 33% to $90 f*cking dollars. Micro-business has no need of budget planning, so why bother giving us a heads' up, right?

Dicks.


KMA,

Me.

CaroPhoenix
06-26-2011, 04:09 PM
Dear Under Armor Company,

Thank you for selling compression shirts. My daughter loves her "huggy" shirts. :lol:

Much :love:
Rummy

Sakka
06-26-2011, 06:09 PM
Dear sister-in-law,

How nice to finally meet you. However, did you really need to bring your pomeranian rat dog with you?

So far, it has bullied my cat into him wondering if this is even his house anymore and has barked incessantly at me.

For future reference, when ones pet, offspring, whatever misbehaves, the correct response includes, but is not limited to: embarassment, horror, shock, anger at pet/offspring/whatever, etc. Not on this list in any way, shape, or form, is humour or amusement.

Given the above, I oh so loved your response of laughter, general amusement, and the comment of '(dog) is just showing you what she thinks of you (Sakka)' when informed that your pom dog left a pile on my bedroom floor while I was at work, bit your mother-in-law, and tried her best to bite your father-in-law.

Debating between looking for recipes involving dog and wondering what the local coyotes like their dog to be basted in, me.

CaroPhoenix
06-26-2011, 10:08 PM
Dear AllRecipes.com,

You rock! Without you, I was going to have to call take-out for dinner.

You're #1 fan,
Rummy

dragon_wings
06-29-2011, 10:51 PM
Dear SM,
When you get back from your vacation I'm gonna ask for your ok to redye my bangs. Please say yes. *begs* I got my haircut today and I miss the pink (which was supposed to be purple). My natural color is... Too boring and, well normal.
Thanks,
Dragon_Wings

Sarlon
06-30-2011, 11:19 PM
dear aunt who married my mother's brother,

Go die in a fire....you made the entire waitstaff of the restruants VERY unhappy, you argued over every little detail, you controlled the ENTIRE weekend.

Go die in a fire and let my uncle be happy!

Not so lovingly yours (die in a fire),
Sarlon

monolayth
07-01-2011, 03:43 PM
Not so dear migraine,

GTFO!

Blargle,
Mono

Becks
07-01-2011, 04:22 PM
Dear feet,

Yes, I know it's insanely hot again.

That does NOT mean you have to start swelling again.

:burnup:

--me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear mosquito bites,

I don't know, and I don't want to know, how you got where you are.

Just stop itching.

*sigh*

--me

dragon_wings
07-02-2011, 02:47 AM
Dear random dude(s) on my front porch,
STOP PACING! It's creeping me out seeing a shadow just move back and forth in my window. Plus I'm afraid you can see *in* my room despite the stained glass and sheer curtains on the side windows.
Gah!
Creeped the fuck out,
Dragon_Wings

CaroPhoenix
07-02-2011, 07:03 PM
Dear Becks,

Sea Breeze astringent will work on the itching of the mosquito bites. I know from experience.

:hug:
Rummy

Becks
07-03-2011, 01:44 AM
Dear Rummy,

I wonder if the Wal-Mart equivalent works the same?

Love,

Becks

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Man of the Household™,

I really appreciate you getting me some Ben & Jerry's Strawberry Cheesecake ice cream.

That being said, if you eat it, you will not enjoy the pain I will inflict on you after I find out.

Love,

--me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear anyone that might be amused by this,

When my feet swell, the only part that doesn't is my heels.

I wonder why that is.

Anyone have a theory?

Questioningly,

Becks

DGoddessChardonnay
07-04-2011, 02:48 AM
Dear Duke Power-

Quit playing with the electricity in the neighborhood . . . I'm not wild about having my evening outside interrupted because the lights go out. This ain't exactly the safest of neighborhoods here, ya know.:rolleyes:

Besides, I get cranky when my internet connection goes out . . .

Regards-

DGoddess

Eisa
07-04-2011, 03:10 AM
Dear Aunt,

I love you, you know I do...BUT YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!! WHY must you yell for me like a large boulder has just fallen on you, only to find out you want brownies added to your grocery list? Why must you call me only to give me U.S. history lessons? I don't give a fuck, I really don't. I'm sorry. I'm 23 years old, I'm out of college, I don't need the lectures.

And yes, I AM grateful that you're letting me live here rent-free. Truly, I am. I have no problem helping you around the apartment. I do have a problem with you wanting me to do everything. In a day. And how you keep bitching about losing money. You know why? BECAUSE YOU'RE A HOARDER. And a SPENDER. You just spent hundreds of dollars on clothes. Shit you don't need. I know you've lost a shitload of weight. You don't need THAT big a wardrobe!

And FFS, stop joking about kicking me out. It hurts my feelings. :(


Love,

Your niece

CaroPhoenix
07-05-2011, 05:42 PM
Dear Dishwasher,

Why did you have to conk out? I hate washing my dishes by hand! :cry: Why did your motor have to break? I hate appliance shopping!

Grrrrr,
Rummy

AnaKhouri
07-08-2011, 04:30 PM
Dear Mr. George RR Martin:

New book on Tuesday. More Hound please. Thank you.

Love, Ana

monolayth
07-08-2011, 04:35 PM
Dear Charles,

Leave the books alone! Also books do not need chicken!

Sigh,
mom.

Treasure
07-08-2011, 04:46 PM
Dear neighbors:

this is an apartment complex, not a dorm, not a frat, this is not "Friends".... please, respect my side of the "porch" and don't use the common stairs as your: lawn furniture,living room, trashcan, "bedroom?" children's jungle-gym.

also, your children are under 10yr old - there is no good excuse for them to be running around and screaming at 11pm - NONE! please, keep them in the house if you're not going to make them go to bed

do not hold phone conversations, while leaning (or close enough to do so) against my patio; also please keep your children from playing infront of my patio - i realize there is a 3 foot space between my patio, and the edge of the "lawn" however - that means there is only 3 feet between safety and your sweet little angel falling 6 feet to the parking lot - there are plenty of other more appropriate areas where they can play - if you'd get out of your house(s) and actually take them there - like the park, around the corner - instead of blasting your music and ignoring them, and then not knowing when they leave the apt, and (hopefully) go upstairs (or down) to your sister's apt.....

no love,
your neighbor, Treasure

ps - you do NOT want to get in a volume war with me - bagpipes will drown out tejano music - you will lose!

BeenThereDoneThat
07-09-2011, 06:10 AM
Dear Rupert Murdoch:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Love,
The non-sucky people of the world

Jack T. Chance
07-09-2011, 03:56 PM
Dear Politically Correct People of the World;

You suck worse than anything that has ever sucked before. LIFE is not Politically Correct, therefore all you are doing is PISSING PEOPLE OFF! Die in a fire! http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v148/JackTChance/Smilies/flame.gif

Sincerely;

Someone That is Sick and Tired of Your Shit... and By The Way, YES, Your Shit DOES Stink, Too! :wave:

CaroPhoenix
07-09-2011, 04:41 PM
Dearest Mr. Rum & Child Rum,

Please do no invade Mrs./Mommy Rum's happy place zone. It makes her :mad: and makes her :cry:

Much :love:
Rummy
-------------------------------------------
Dear NanaRum,

Thank you for telling me to use my broken dishwasher as a drying rack. It is working out beautifully.

:roll:
Rummy
------------------------------------------------
Dear World,

I have found the skirt of my dreams. Unfortunately it's only available in children's size. So I'll have to live vicariously through my daughter. :lol:

Behold! The camo tutu skirt! (Gravekeeper - please don't kill me. At least it's not pink :p) (http://www.childrensplace.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/product_10001_10001_-1_756141_195257_27151%7C132994%7C133180_girl%7Cbot toms%7Ctutus_girl).

Happily,
Rummy

Food Lady
07-10-2011, 02:36 AM
Dear Friends: Look, I'm sorry I didn't go this weekend. It does not mean I don't love you guys. It does not mean I have given up on friendship. It does mean I should've known I was going to have crowd issues, given recent events, and I shouldn't have said yes in the first place. And dear D: I understand your frustration, but no, you do not have any idea what I've gone through in the last week and a half, and you don't have a right to get angry about how I feel.

fireheart
07-12-2011, 02:36 PM
Dear CS.com folks,

Why is it that in order for me to get better I have to give up working and therefore have no money to pay said therapist? :lol: (Borderline personality treatment here)

Elspeth
07-12-2011, 04:27 PM
Dear Boss (also uncle)
You know I am getting really sick and tired of the attitude. I know mine isn't the best but I try and rain it in. You aren't even trying anymore. And thanks for backing me up when i get snarled at by agents because of you. I shouldn't have to "deal with it". You should do your freaking job. I should not be this tired. I should not mumble over and over I hate my life when I am at work. oh and I would like some time off. Yeah I know that isn't going to happen since the other people around here can't be bothered to do what is requested of them.

With no love from me, Els

Oh and for trying not to dump stuff on me, yeah thanks that isn't working. I am just has buried as before and you have now taken the one person who i could pass some of this stuff to because of your fucking stupid project, that if I remember right you were going to do.

Dear Coworker (only full timer left besides me)
You can go to hell. I am really tried of your attitude, thinking you are better then everyone else. I don't understand why you are so freaking behind. We aren't doing that much business and you have had more crap pulled off of you. I really wish you would quit.

oh and another thing. TURN OFF YOUR FUCKING HEATER!!!!!! You are the only one remotely comfortable and the rest of us are dying because we don't want to hear you bitch. If you are that miserable go back to Nevada. This office should not be over 72 every freaking day. Most of us keep our houses at 68 or below, not freaking 80 (i am not kidding).

With much hate in my heart, Els

Becks
07-13-2011, 04:37 AM
Dear future MIL,

You are bugging the ever living fuck out of me.

Shut up and leave me the fuck alone.

I'm doing my best to get the wedding invites taken care of.

Let's see how well YOU get things done when you're trying to move and plan a wedding at the same time--including printing out your own invitations and RSVP cards on a printer that hates you.

Not in the mood for your shit,

--me

dragon_wings
07-13-2011, 05:22 AM
Dear Boyfriend's stalker,
I *will not* give you info about my boyfriend. If you don't know what country he's visiting that's not my problem. I will not tell you.
I do not like it when you fish for info. And the more you fish the less I'm gonna give you.
I'm sorry you didn't see his post cause you deleted your Facebook account. I'm sorry he hasn't talked to you for a while. That may be because you're obsessed with him (and now with me ffs!). If he doesn't respond to the few emails I sent him what makes you think he'll message you? Not that you know any of this.
Grew up, get some social skills, get your GED, and leave my boyfriend and me alone. You're just creepy.
A very frustrated and annoyed,
Dragon_Wings

monolayth
07-15-2011, 05:39 PM
Dear self,

I don't know why you have been feeling so sad lately. But quit it.

mono

dragon_wings
07-16-2011, 04:08 AM
Dear housemates and ghetto neighbors,
I get that it's Friday night. I do. But I work in less then 7 hours so your constant talking *right* outside my window and the constant tromping through the house is keeping me up. If I don't get some sleep soon I will be very grouchy and you don't want that.
Angrily,
An exhausted Dragon_Wings

CaroPhoenix
07-16-2011, 01:47 PM
Not-So-Dear Mr. Rum,

I know you're terrified about regaining your weight. However, could you cool the whole going to the gym the entire weekend and mow the grass? I had to finally take matters into my own hand, grab the push mower, and use it on the front. I did a craptastic job, and all I got out of it was an almost asthma attack.

:cry: and not so much love on my part,
Mrs. Rum

monolayth
07-22-2011, 05:12 PM
Dear knee,

you are a jerk.

Uncomfortable,
Mono

BookstoreEscapee
07-27-2011, 12:30 AM
Dear person in front of me in the turn lane this evening,

when the green arrow has just come on for us, DON'T LET PEOPLE OFF THE JUGHANDLE to get stuck across the turn lane because the middle lane doesn't have enough room for them to get all the way across.

and to the person in the jughandle, if you are driving a bigass van and it is obvious you can't fit into said middle lane, don't pull out of the jughandle so you get stuck across the turn lane that has just turned had the green arrow come on.

Gah!
-be

Dear roomie,

How do you manage to leave stuff stuck to a non-stick pan so often? Is it that hard to look at it after you wash it and make sure it's actually clean? Also, please rinse the sponge.

Signed,
Can't wait till I have my own place

DGoddessChardonnay
07-28-2011, 02:10 AM
Dear Little Brother-

You are on my last nerve and have been since yesterday when Mom told you about checking into going back to satellite from cable.

I am so fed up with you coming up with even more technical questions than Carter has pills every little bit - I can't think or try to mentally relax without your incessant babbling about protection plans/wanting to still use your PC monitor and tuner along with your tv, yadda yadda yadda . . .

Even now, after the installation tech has come and gone, you are still driving me stupid b/c you had to get the account info so you could set up for online viewing (since apparently you're still not happy with being able to use your splitter to watch your stupid NASCRAP mess on both your tv and PC) you had the nerve to complain about the fact that when I signed off on the installation I used MY email address (since they do send emails pertaining to billing, upgrade confirmations, etc) instead of yours (which would have meant that I'd never see the damn emails.)

Just shut the f:censored:k up already, go play with your damn remote and get used to it and the new channel numbers, learn about the DVR (which you wanted to complain about having put in MY bedroom b/c my tv is HD and yours isn't) and leave me and Mom both the Hell alone!

I'm tired, I'm sweaty from staying outside on the porch almost all afternoon in this 90 plus heat waiting for the tech to show up and want a shower, I just want QUIET :pissed:

Your older sister, who you think is a first class bitch and who takes that as a compliment

monolayth
07-29-2011, 07:14 PM
Dear photographer,

Can I have the rest of the pictures please?

It has been a month and I am not good at being patient.

mono

Jack T. Chance
07-30-2011, 09:43 PM
Dear Xbox 360;

You are one of the best things in my life for keeping me SANE! Thank you. :yourock:

--Jack

Iseeyouthere
07-30-2011, 10:04 PM
Dear Future self,

Stop being so tired all the time.

Icey.

----------------
Dear Past self,

Stop staying up until the early hours of the morning then.

Future Icey.

BeenThereDoneThat
08-01-2011, 05:14 AM
Dear Future self,

Stop being so tired all the time.

Icey.

----------------
Dear Past self,

Stop staying up until the early hours of the morning then.

Future Icey.

QFT.

Dear Canadian High End Home Store Customers,

Those of you who have a civic holiday on Monday, please use it to spend time with your family and not for calling me. Those of you whose provinces don't have the holiday, go to work and don't call me from there either. There, I think I've covered everyone. Now I will only have sucky American callers to worry about :p

Signed,
Doesn't hate Canada, just wants fewer SC calls tomorrow.

fireheart
08-02-2011, 02:51 PM
Dear CS.com folks,

I seem to have set a new record....6 months with no breakdowns, then suddenly 2 breakdowns over 3 weeks. :wtf: is wrong with me?!

:cry:

Dear psychologist,

Please hypnotise me so I don't have to go through dentist on Monday!

Dear body,

Start accepting the bad shit. Don't NOT accept the bad shit.

Sarlon
08-04-2011, 04:11 AM
dearest knee,

how I LOATHE thee, please stop hurting!

I try and rest you as often as possible, I don't force you to straighten out if I can help it....and I'm even getting you looked at by a doctor!

WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?!

UNLOVINGLY yours,
Sarlon

monolayth
08-05-2011, 05:29 PM
Dear fat mirror at Science central,

You suck. Made me look really really fat and now that is stuck as my mental image of myself. Just when I was starting to like myself again now I feel all kinds of fat.

Die,
mono.

Elspeth
08-05-2011, 05:31 PM
Dear life

you suck and I hate you.

CaroPhoenix
08-10-2011, 12:26 AM
Dear Taco Bell's Cheesy Gordita Crunch,

I :love: you.

That is all,
Rummy

Shpepper
08-10-2011, 04:10 PM
Dear new audiology people and DVR,

Thank you for working with me to get me new hearing aids that will do what I need them to do and not just be the best option of the choices available. Oh and DVR, please don;t take a hella long time to get the approval back? I'd really like to hear again.

Listeningly,

Pepper

BookstoreEscapee
08-11-2011, 11:41 PM
Dear Roomie,

I. Don't. Care.

Shut up.

Thank you kindly,
Me

Jack T. Chance
08-12-2011, 12:34 AM
Dear Microsoft;

Would you PLEASE out the Engineer(s) responsible for the design flaws in the Xbox 360 that have caused millions of us to experience the godsforsaken Red Ring of Death? I want names, I want addresses. I want to punch them in their TAINTS! :punch:

--Jack (who now has to buy a new Xbox 360 because his $450 Elite system died last night. :smash: :rage: )

DGoddessChardonnay
08-13-2011, 02:57 AM
Dear HD DVR in my Boudoir:

It's been two weeks now and already I'm totally in :love: with you. Not quite as much as my DVD box set of "The Man From UNCLE" but you're running a very close second.

Signed-
Me, who now doesn't have to worry about missing anything on ID on tv again. . .or Earl reruns

Food Lady
08-27-2011, 07:09 PM
Dear neighbors: STOP SLAMMING THE FRONT DOOR!!!! If it doesn't close right, GET ON THE MANAGER'S BACK ABOUT IT!!! Beside which, the kids DO NOT need to go in/out twice in 30 seconds. I wish I was exaggerating.

Jack T. Chance
08-28-2011, 03:16 PM
Dear Mother Nature;

You are a worthless fucking CUNT! That is all. :pissed:

--Me

fireheart
08-29-2011, 12:52 PM
Dear uni assignment,

WHY, oh, WHY, am I stuck crunching data on religious patterns between Australia, Canada and the United States? WHY?!

Jack T. Chance
08-31-2011, 04:21 PM
Dear Baltimore Gas & Electric;

It was thought, at one time, that no utility company in the area could perform the job of restoring power more poorly than Pepco.

Only now, after Hurricane Irene, Pepco has outperformed you. They have totally OWNED you. Congratulations. I now get to write letters to our state's Governor, Senator(s) and Congressmen complaining about your incompetence! :rolleyes:

I will also be submitting a bill to you for the replacement cost of all of my ruined groceries, as well as all of my out-of-pocket costs incurred by having to eat out all week. And the longer you take to pay the billed amount, the more interest I'll be tacking onto the amount due. In closing... http://i29.tinypic.com/ie12k2.jpg, BGE! :pissed:

--Jack (who is now on Day 4 without power at home... and counting. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v148/JackTChance/Smilies/hulk.gif)

CaroPhoenix
09-03-2011, 11:31 AM
Dear Showaddywaddy,

You rock!

Reliving my childhood,
Rummy
---------------------------------
Dear innards,

Why do you hate me so? I'm now afraid to step into the bathroom.

:cry:
Rummy

Jack T. Chance
09-08-2011, 10:14 PM
Dear Mother Nature;

We've had this discussion before, but you clearly don't want to listen to me, so here's my new spokesman to make the point for me...

I give you Nintendo's Mario...

http://i35.tinypic.com/2drey2o.jpg

'Nuff said.

--Jack

AnaKhouri
09-08-2011, 10:39 PM
Dear Ron Jeremy,

I really hope that is not a promotional photo from a Mario-themed porno movie.

-Ana-

Jack T. Chance
09-08-2011, 10:56 PM
Dear Ron Jeremy,

I really hope that is not a promotional photo from a Mario-themed porno movie.

-Ana-Dear Ana;

:roll:

--Jack

Becks
09-09-2011, 04:23 AM
Dear BIL,

You're being a fucking prick.

And last I checked, you're not the one paying for the satellite dish, so if YOU insist on having HD, YOU pay for it. I don't give a flying fuck that you're on the road so much.

Fuck you.

In a bad mood,

--me

Becks
09-10-2011, 01:56 PM
Dear world,

:wtf:

I'm going married in about 5 hours.

I barely slept.

The groom won't shut up.

I should've been in the shower an hour ago, and here I am...not in it.

I had to clean up two different piles of cat vomit.

The decorations aren't up yet.

The guys setting up the tent for the food put it just a little bit off from where I wanted it so half if it is on a small hill.

Did I mention the groom won't shut the fuck up?!?!?!?!?

Not having a good day.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr,

--me

Shpepper
09-10-2011, 04:08 PM
Dear Becks,

We Love you and it will be ok. You are beautiful and wonderful and the little things are going to make your day unique. Climb in the shower, get dressed all pretty and let the rest of it go. Also, may I recommend Duct Tape and a sign saying I Do for the groom?

Helpfully,

Pepper

BookstoreEscapee
09-10-2011, 05:57 PM
Dear Mom,

You. are. not. helping.

monolayth
09-11-2011, 02:16 PM
Dear Becks, Just saw the pics on FB. You were BEAUTIFUL. Also it appears you did not kill your groom......yet...... good job!

BeenThereDoneThat
09-12-2011, 03:33 AM
Dear Becks...congratulations! I hope everything worked out fine :) :grats:

Becks
09-13-2011, 04:19 AM
Dear Shpepper, Mono, and BTDT,

Thanks!!

Everything went well, although my grandma, aunts and uncles left soon after the ceremony.

I was horrifyingly nervous and really disliked being the center of attention. I knew the photographer, but the video people were nice, too.

I'm keeping my maiden name, but started a new Facebook page with the man of the household's last name, if anyone's interested in that.

Love,

Becks

CaroPhoenix
09-25-2011, 08:42 PM
Dear asshat otherwise known as my sister,

I do not appreciate hearing OUR mother cry on the phone because you're being a bitch.

Ship up or ship out.

That is all.
Your Sister Rummy

BookstoreEscapee
10-08-2011, 11:00 PM
Dear roomie,

Fuck you.

Love, me

CalyCoRose
10-24-2011, 05:35 PM
Dear Coffee,

Why are you not perking me up?

Now I need a nap.

*sigh*
CCR

monolayth
10-24-2011, 06:37 PM
Dear dishes,

Go do yourself.....

meh,
Mono

Elspeth
10-24-2011, 06:43 PM
Dear Fates:

I don't like you right now. Thank you for screwing the weekend we had planned in Oregon. Yes I know I could have spent less money, but we had to eat. Granted we get to stay home and watch the 1st leg of the Sounders game at home but I miss our friends. If I didn't have family up here we would move down there.

Also where are the house cleaning fairies?!

Els

CalyCoRose
10-24-2011, 07:54 PM
Dear Elspeth,

I have been wondering the same thing about the house cleaning fairies. Did they go on strike?

Wondering,
CCR

Sarlon
10-24-2011, 11:33 PM
dear lungs,

I love you...I take good care of you....I don't smoke, I rarely get sick.

so why is it that this past few days you have tried everything in your power to crawl out of my chest?

no love,
me

dear Card customers,
yes I understand that your on unemployement, and that you NEED gas to get around to do things, however I do not place the $125 gas holds on your card. and please don't expect sympathy from me when you gripe that its happened before but you didn't think it would happen again!!!!11!

and for the record...no I'm not stealing your money. I do not set the fees, I do not set the gas hold amounts, its plainly written in your terms and conditions. yelling at a lowly peon such as myself, changes nothing....but suddenly you don't have time to contact the people that can handle this, but you have time each month to call in and complain?

no love, me

fireheart
10-29-2011, 01:47 PM
Dear QANTAS staff AND QANTAS CEO,

Hurry up and sort out your dispute like good little boys already? You can't cry poor, then turn around and give yourself a 70% payrise....>.>

CalyCoRose
11-12-2011, 07:12 PM
Dear Nabisco,

Thank you for creating the deliciousness that is Limited Edition Oreo Candy Cane flavor. I am in love.

:love:
CCR

Becks
11-12-2011, 08:34 PM
"Dear" BIL,

Just so you know, whatever stains are on the carpet in the basement are from YOUR dog, and not the cats. Your dog is only trained to let you know what she has to go out when she's in the truck--she's not housebroken. And I don't know if you noticed, but you only really let her outside once or twice a day. Me and Mommy are the ones who let her out the rest of the time.

If I had a dollar for every time she peed or pooped down here because she needed to go out late at night--when you're still awake--and you didn't let her, I don't think I'd need a job. That being said, I don't appreciate you telling my sister that it's because of the cats having "accidents". Fuck that. They're all litter box trained and we clean up after them when they have upset tummies/hairballs.

Just because you hate your job, stop being a dick to the rest of us. We're doing you favors--Mommy by being the resident house sitter, and the rest of us by paying you rent so you can pay off the mortgage.

Not in the mood for your BS,

--me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Dear" MOTH,

Fuck you. Just because I didn't want to go for a hike in snow covered mushy ground, I'm an embarrassment? Yeah. Just...fuck you. Really.

Getting really sick of the members of the household with penises,

--me

BeenThereDoneThat
11-13-2011, 12:47 AM
"Dear" Spouse,

I'm sure you didn't really HAVE to mop our bathroom floor just as it was time for me to get up and get ready for work...in said bathroom. And you sure didn't have to give me attitude when asked if there was a section of floor next to the sink that hadn't been mopped yet so I could grab my tooth care supplies and take them downstairs so I wouldn't be late. I'm really tired of your immature, passive-aggressive bullshit, so put on your big boy pants, do your share of the housework when I'm already AT work, have the decency to talk to me like the person you profess to love even if you are in a whiny/pissy/entitled mood, and don't treat me like I'm dog shit on the bottom of your shoe. It's pretty bad when I would almost rather be at work than at home.

Seethingly yours,
The woman who married your sorry ass :mad:

HappyFun Ball
11-15-2011, 06:20 PM
Dear Uterus,

For 21 years you have caused me nothing but pain, embarrasment and cost me money, so I am having you evicted.

Good Bye Forever,

Not So Happy Fun Ball when you act up

Jack T. Chance
11-19-2011, 03:27 PM
Dear Windows XP;

We've had some good times, you and I. You saved me from the horrors of Windows ME, you allowed me to play some of the greatest PC games ever made, you served me faithfully for roughly a decade. But now, now you are a bloated, useless whore that has outlived her usefulness! You cause me nothing but headaches and I am DONE with you! Time I started saving up for a new desktop with a shiny, new install of either Windows Vista or Windows 7!

Goodbye, Windows XP. It hasn't been pleasant. :wave:
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear T-Mobile;

Please to be getting the 3G network working PROPERLY with the BlackBerry Internet Services again! KTHXBYE! :wave:
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Clearwire;

You best be getting your act together and securing additional funding to keep your 4G WiMax mobile internet service alive & kicking! Don't you even THINK about going out of business on me! http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v148/JackTChance/Smilies/no-no-no.gif

BeenThereDoneThat
11-20-2011, 08:09 PM
Time I started saving up for a new desktop with a shiny, new install of either Windows Vista or Windows 7!

Suggestion: Skip Vista and go right to Win7 :)

Jack T. Chance
11-20-2011, 09:09 PM
Suggestion: Skip Vista and go right to Win7 :)Except that I've been using Vista for 3 years on my laptop and it has been about 99% trouble-free! At this point, it's more stable and reliable than XP! Whereas Windows 7, based on my limited experience on a neighbor's computer and at work for just the last few weeks, seems to be a case of change solely for change's sake. The stuff they "fixed" wasn't broken to begin with, making the transition to 7 a steeper learning curve than it needed to be, In My Opinion. :p

BeenThereDoneThat
11-20-2011, 09:54 PM
Vista didn't work out too badly for me either but Win7 seems very stable. YMMV :)

BookstoreEscapee
11-23-2011, 12:15 AM
Dear Guy,

Last week you were looking at my card and asking about my name, after months of being all friendly and flirty; this week you barely acknowledge my presence. WTF?

:(

Dear Self,

Why do you bother getting your hopes up? Don't you know better by now?

:mad:

monolayth
11-26-2011, 11:26 PM
Dear adult females,

When you use the "word" "bestie" in a sentence I cannot take you seriously. That "word" is best left to girls in high school.

Thank you,
The women who want to be taken seriously.

Becks
12-15-2011, 01:52 PM
Dear motherfucking prick,

I don't know why the fuck you thought that taking a shower this morning was such a great idea KNOWING I was waiting to take mine.

You sit on your fat ass or sleep all day. I have to work.

What. The. Fuck.

You even admitted that it was wrong to take a huge long shower knowing I was waiting.

I wake up four hours before I have to go to work. I have stuff to do before work. I take my shower at (more or less) the same time every fucking day. You would know this if you weren't so damn fucking oblivious.

Fuck off.

Shpepper
12-15-2011, 07:50 PM
Dear DVR person,

I have had this RX for my add meds for 2 days now. Why oh why are you NOT calling me back to tell me what I need to do now to get it paid for. Obviously the doc thinks I need it and I KNOW I need it. Get off your butt and at least answer your bloody email.

Distractedly,
Pepper

CalyCoRose
12-16-2011, 11:27 PM
"Dearest" Clyde,

I refuse to be in the same room as your brother, Doofus (not his real name, but does describe him).

I do no like being farted upon. I also do not like it, that when he was called on it, he never. apologized. Of course I'm pissed!

I guess Doofus can fart on you next time.

Not going to MIL & FIL Rose's house for Christmas,
Caly

TruthHurts
01-04-2012, 07:32 AM
Dear Roommate,

For two years I have quietly put up with your loud ass friends showing up at 8 in the morning. Imagine my surprise when you whined about our new roommate being loud at 2 in the afternoon.

Seriously? At least he's polite enough to wait to have guests over until everyone else in the house is awake. Can you boast the same thing?

-Truthhurts

Dreamstalker
01-06-2012, 02:41 PM
Dear Mom:

I know our financial situation is tenuous, I do. And I'm doing what I can to help (actually, I've done far more than was needed and put myself in a financial pickle by doing so, anyone else would have called in the nearly $40K in 'loans' a year ago). But...

Please stop interrogating me about holiday presents. One or two small things (coffee, a few used video games) I bought with my own money, yes. Some are presents I bought for others that were paid for in October, backordered and are just now getting to me. Others were bought for me; I do have a public wish list on Amazon. I showed you the packing slip (why do I have to?) for the Twilight Zone box set that just landed, and it is a gift packing slip. No, I don't know who got it for me.

Why is this even an issue?

Becks
01-07-2012, 02:45 PM
You know who you are,

Yeah, I'm beyond angry at you.

I think you're in for a not so pleasant surprise next time we talk.

Pissed off past words,

--me

Shangri-laschild
01-20-2012, 05:30 PM
Dear A,
They were serving catfish and spaghetti in the cafeteria today. You were an amazing person and I still miss you a lot sometimes.
Always,
Your girl in skirts and work boots

taurinejunkie
02-08-2012, 02:15 AM
Dear brain,

SHUT THE :censored: UP. I don't need to hear about all the ways my most recent attempt at social interaction could go wrong.

BeenThereDoneThat
02-09-2012, 04:41 PM
Dear anxiety,

GO AWAY!! I hate you! How is it that sometimes my days off from work are even worse than my work days because you manage to fill in the gaps somehow?? :runaway: I *will* conquer you one day...

Headed for the nut house,
Me

MoonCat
02-14-2012, 02:55 AM
Dear Ms Teflon,
DON'T MAKE ME HURT YOU!!!!
CAN YOU NOT READ? OR WAS THE CELL-PHONE STUCK IN YOUR EAR 24/7 SOMEHOW IMPEDING YOUR VISION??

When I typed that note on Customer R's account saying HE IS NOT ENTITLED TO EMPLOYEE DISCOUNT, HE RETIRED IN 2008!!!! It meant EXACTLY WHAT IT SAID! So WHY the HELL did you give him the discount anyway!!!

Food Lady
02-22-2012, 09:02 PM
Dear Random Dude in Parking Lot (and everyone else who does this): It's rude and creepy to stare at people. Stop it. I took the trash out--so what?? I don't know why that is soooo interesting to you, unless your life is that boring. I hate being stared at, and it happens at least twice a week. It makes me feel self-conscious.

BeenThereDoneThat
02-23-2012, 02:27 AM
Dear client I take calls for,

You can stop dicking us around now. Seriously, enough. It's not funny, and even in this climate of not being able to find new jobs, you're going to lose some good people because of all the stupid little hoops you make us jump through. I could put up with the crap from the company I actually work for, and even your sucky customers, if you weren't piling on even more suck.

Signed,
If I were single I'd quit and just take my chances out there...

fireheart
02-26-2012, 09:04 PM
Dear self,

Please remember to charge your laptop BEFORE your university lecture at 9am, not as soon as you get to uni! Kind of embarrassing....:o

MistressOfTangents
03-01-2012, 11:50 PM
Dear (not) Depression, Go The Fuck Away .. NOW.

No love, a very depressed MOT.

Food Lady
03-20-2012, 03:48 PM
Dear Mom: I know you are trying to be supportive, but please stop being ignorant. My being vegetarian doesn't preclude me from getting enough protein. I probably consume more than you do. I know you're trying to help, but please stop blaming my blood sugar issues on it. I had those when I was an omnivore.

DGoddessChardonnay
03-27-2012, 10:40 PM
Dear crystal wine glass that broke in the sink earlier this evening:

Thank you so very much for taking a small chunk out of my finger when you decided to let loose of your chunk of the side of the glass. I can't remember when I've had so much fun trying to cook dinner with an open bleeder that finally stopped after an hour of holding my arm over my head while trying to keep continuous pressure on it after bleeding through 2 band-aids.:rolleyes:

But it's okay though . . . I still have 11 more of your siblings in my cabinet here and two others at my sister's apartment. I always like to keep a couple of extra for future breakage (and if didn't happen to me, it probably would have been my Mom.)

At least I don't have to yell at anybody tonight over why one of my glasses got broke.

Sincerely-

DGoddess

Food Lady
03-27-2012, 11:30 PM
That much blood sounds like you should've had stitches. Hope it doesn't get infected!

Mishi
03-28-2012, 05:08 AM
Dear Mother-in-law:
If someone has not one, not two, but THREE AVOs... he is never going to be a good role model for a little boy. Especially when one of those is from his own mother! He will never change and I think you're insane for being happy that such a violent person is looking after your grandchild on an ever increasing basis.

Irving Patrick Freleigh
04-15-2012, 01:41 AM
Dear Netflix:

Your radio commercials with the game show contestant giving off the wall answers to questions? They're quite possibly the most retarded thing I've heard ever, and I've heard Rebecca Black sing.

Hire a different ad agency.

Irv.

DGoddessChardonnay
04-15-2012, 07:01 PM
That much blood sounds like you should've had stitches. Hope it doesn't get infected!


it's healing up. Looks much better now than it did when it happened, that's for sure.

And no, I didn't go to the ER . . . if it had been worse (if for example, I'd cut the finger almost completely OFF) then I would've.;)

Dear Charlie-

Yes, you are a sweetheart and yes, we love you dearly. But could you please confine your shedding to the great outdoors and NOT inside the house?

It's no fun dragging out the vacuum cleaner almost daily b/c you insist on not only jumping up on my bed every night but also taking up MY side of the bed and having to vacuum off the loveseat and the carpet in both the office and dining room.

And at the rate I'm going I may run out of duct tape to get all that hair off the clothes after I've gotten them out of the dryer by the coming weekend. . .:lol:

Sincerely-

Your new mommy

BeenThereDoneThat
04-15-2012, 08:32 PM
Dear Facebook friends,

Stop complaining to me about our mutual friend. Yes, I know she has issues and can be a handful. I suspect she has borderline personality disorder. She's gone through a lot and yes, she can be a pain, especially when she posts doom and gloom. But look at her other posts and see how often she posts POSITIVE things too. I've been talking to her online for about 6 1/2 years now and we would have met in person by now if we didn't live in different countries. If you don't like what she has to say, either ignore her (she usually calms down pretty quickly) or, if you REALLY don't like her, unfriend her. Stop sending me PMs about her, because I can't do anything about what she posts. I talk to her on IM and we work things out that way between ourselves...your relationship with her, or lack of one, is your business.

Signed,
Tired of being put in the middle

Kanalah
04-16-2012, 12:06 AM
Dear Husband,

I'm sorry I'm not good enough for you. I know you're grandmother was a duchess and all, and my family is white trash, but please stop treating me like a ruin everything I touch. The results will be really nasty.

taurinejunkie
04-17-2012, 03:55 PM
Dear Kanalah's Husband,

If you have any instinct for self-preservation you will knock that shit off.

AnaKhouri
04-18-2012, 07:35 PM
Dear Kanalah,

When people say 'my relative is/was a..." I always say, "Well, are you a ...? No? Then why are you bragging about it?"

blondemarmot
05-03-2012, 07:14 PM
Dear husband,

You're not mad? Oh, well thank fucking god you let me know. Here I was sitting at home, crying, because I thought you were mad with me, wondering how ever was I to make it up to you. Because, you know, you're the only one who ever gets angry around this house, shit, you're the only one that has any feelings that matter at all! I never would think to get frustrated and pissy over being the only one who ever does the dishes, the laundry, the grocery shopping, the cooking, the cleaning, the dog-bathing, the litter-box cleaning, the folding of clean laundry, the hard yard work, the entertaining, the night-shifts, the vet visits, the appointment-making, the poop-scooping, the weed pulling, the secretary duties of your business, the weeding, the planning of anything family, the garbage, the recyclables, the bills, the retirement planning, the rent check, the sick care-taker, the mending, the picker-upper-of-crap-you-leave-lying-outside-that-will-get-ruined-by-rain and sundry other little things I do around here.
Oh, what's that? You mowed the lawn? Two weeks ago? After I asked you two weeks previous? Well, congratu-fucking-lations here's a gold star on your progress report and a whole tray full of cookies, why don't you sit down right here in your dent in the couch and enjoy them all. No, no, you don't have to share with me, my arms are too full with this laundry anyway.

Irving Patrick Freleigh
05-22-2012, 12:41 AM
Dear annoying girls,

No, I will not go out drinking with you tonight.

No, I will not go out drinking with you tonight and call in sick tomorrow. It's my last shift before vacation and I'm practically the only one there in the morning. You really think nobody will notice or care?

Blowing up my phone won't change my mind.

Having my coworker call me with a private number won't change my mind.

Buy your own drinks for a change.

Irv.

Jack T. Chance
06-13-2012, 09:13 PM
Dear Mozilla Firefox;

Please, could you find a way to infect the rest of the interwebz with your built-in Spell Checker?

KTHXBYE! :wave:

MoonCat
06-17-2012, 06:04 AM
Dear Supervisor,

I have been doing this job longer than you have been breathing. Please disabuse yourself of the notion that you know a better way to do it than I do. If what I did didn't work, don't you think I'd have figured that out by now?

Dreamstalker
07-07-2012, 05:13 PM
Dear Assholes Upstairs:

Okay, so your kids are 'allergic' to w2w carpet. Get some damn area rugs, something to muffle the noise. The first time we complained the property management offered to PAY for it for fuck's sake! "Suck it up" is not the correct response. Everyone is entitled to quiet enjoyment of their unit, which you are violating for not only us, but the woman with 2 kids below us.

I don't buy that you've never lived above anyone before. It's summer, take the kids OUTSIDE. We have *counts* six parks within walking distance. Or are you afraid they'll get abducted? Or is it that the parks won't accept the elephants you're training up there?

You don't know this, but we're the ones that called the cops (and management) on your last wild party when it felt like our ceiling was going to collapse. Thank you for not having any more like that, but you're still way too loud.

Dear Property Management:

Your lawyers may have said that you can send eviction notices when we're not behind (last one was when we only owed $200 for the current month), but the state says otherwise. The lease says nothing about due dates save for before the 1st of the month, and if it's not in the lease at the time of signing it's not enforceable. STOP IT.

Dreamstalker
07-10-2012, 04:32 PM
Dear petsitting clients from this week:

(rats) I do apologize that there were no rat blocks in their bowl when you got home. However, I was told that you were returning on Sunday morning and I should only visit in the afternoons. Had I known you were getting back later than anticipated I would have made an extra trip over there to check on things, but I was not notified and had no reason to think otherwise. In any event, next time I will make sure I know exactly when you're coming back so I can make an extra run if needed.

(these are good clients and this is the first time there's been any mistakes. ten rat blocks per day is not enough for five of them as the bowl was always empty when I came over)

(cats) I did clean the litterbox. The lack of a litter bag in the trash can does not mean I didn't. I didn't want the dirty litter to sit in the kitchen garbage overnight when it was as warm as it was in the apartment, so I took it upon myself to put it in the outside cans when I left. Believe it or not, in the morning there was nothing to clean out. I have no way of knowing whether "more than a day's worth" of poop in the box on your return is actually true, but you really do not need to phone me over it. I know what I did and I can't explain why you think I didn't (nor should I need to defend myself), but now know to be extra-vigilant about it next time...although you did tell me last time NOT to leave the poop bags in the kitchen trash, so what was I supposed to do?

Tyg3rW01f
07-10-2012, 08:59 PM
Dear Worthless CoWorker
((no longer work with this F-head as of 9-05, thank God!))
The next time I decide I want to suffer ANOTHER chew-session from our Department Supervisor over YOUR idiocy and f-tard-ery, I will let you know. Otherwise, please quit hiding out in the men's bathroom, or using equipment you have been told you are not qualified to use and have no need to be qualified to use.
I have gone through the training courses, spilled more blood and patched myself up more times, and filed all the proper paperwork with the proper agencies.
Also, I am tired of forking out the money for the entirety of the bills we are required to pay in exchange for living in company housing. You now owe me some $3,019.41, you cheap-*** b**tard.
Oh, and I have freshly cleaned my 1911A1 .45 ACP... JUST in case you decide to go into another of your rages and throw a chair at me. I won't miss.
Regards,
Tyg3rW01f

Mishi
07-17-2012, 12:37 AM
Dear M-i-L,
Despite the fact tht you're in end stage renal failure and on dialysis, as far as I'm concerned, if you're able to drive to various large shopping centres and spend ALL day wandering through them at a fairly fast pace...you DON'T need a diasbled parking spot! Yes, you have a pass because you whinged at your doctor until she gave you one. That doesn't make you disabled, it just makes you an entitlement whore. Especially since you use it at every chance you get, and then whine/rage when you can't!

Also, no Rascal for you!

- Mishi

Irving Patrick Freleigh
07-18-2012, 08:05 PM
Dear door-to-door sales lady;

You're not selling anything, you say? I believe you. You and your guy companion just pulled into the neighborhood in a van and split up and you're working this side of the block while he works the other.

So you both can knock on doors and just talk. About waterproofing. Or something. Something that isn't "selling anything."

FYNQ. Go away.

Irv

Peppergirl
07-19-2012, 03:15 PM
Dear Job,

Please, please back the fuck off. I am on the verge of some sort of mental break. I can't keep going at this pace, especially with all the extra crap you've got us doing now.

If a workaholic like myself is saying this, imagine how some of the lazy-asses are feeling??

My entire life is being affected and I seriously am OVER IT.

No love,

Me

Jack T. Chance
08-04-2012, 06:27 PM
Dear Job,

Please, please back the fuck off. I am on the verge of some sort of mental break. I can't keep going at this pace, especially with all the extra crap you've got us doing now.

If a workaholic like myself is saying this, imagine how some of the lazy-asses are feeling??

My entire life is being affected and I seriously am OVER IT.

No love,

Mehttp://i43.tinypic.com/29auxhc.jpg

:)

fireheart
09-02-2012, 04:36 AM
Dear university,

If you are going to provide me with a Functional Assessment Observation sheet from which I am expected to gain data from, can you please ensure that it is actually legible?

Thank you,
FH.

DGoddessChardonnay
09-09-2012, 11:12 PM
Dear Rambling Guy who showed up on my doorstep yesterday:

Next time you decide to approach someone's house, here's some advice on how NOT to appear suspicious:

1) Don't pace several times up and down the front porch - this gets noticed around here and can end up with 911 being called to send the police to ask you what you are doing.

Especially when I'm in the living room at the doorway to my dining room and I'm watching you through the curtains.

2) Don't beat down the front door after doing number 1

3) And if I open the door and ask what your business is, do NOT start talking at 90 miles/hour . . . you only make yourself look like you got caught trying to stake out a home to break into, on drugs, or possibly BOTH.

4) And don't ask me who I am . . . you will get the same answer everybody else does "I'm the woman who LIVES HERE." And it's even stupid of you to even ask that, especially when I'm in pajamas and socks and holding a Swiffer duster in my free hand. Dumbass

5) And don't ask if there's anyone else in my house you can speak to. I am not about to go get my mother out of bed when she's not feeling well . . . . and I still don't buy your lame excuse of you're with some organization and you come around once a year. I've never seen you before and I've lived here almost 23 years in the same house. Try again.

So in short, you got busted. Next time I see you, I won't hesitate - I WILL pick up the phone and call 911 and have the cops dispatched immediately and you can try your sales pitch with them.:devil:

Sincerely-

The bitch you pissed off yesterday

Jack T. Chance
09-14-2012, 02:45 PM
Dear Customers;

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v148/JackTChance/JustBecauseIEnjoyWhatIDo.jpg

Sincerely,

Every Commissioned Salesperson That Likes Their Job! :wave:

Sarlon
09-18-2012, 03:02 AM
Dear Karma,

I've been good! I've been making lots of deposits lately....like paying for the groceries of that random stranger in front of me.

I just wanna take out ONE tiny deposit.....and I'll pay it back a thousand fold!

so please please please please please let Mr. Angel Investor approve my application and write me a shiney check for $30,000! :angel:

Much love,

Me

fireheart
10-02-2012, 04:50 AM
Dear Centrelink,

Why must you be so confusing?!

MistressOfTangents
10-11-2012, 12:32 AM
Dear people with pushchairs, please for the love of god (and my sanity) STOP HOGGING THE PAVEMENT. AS if it is not bad enough that it's barely wide enough for both you to walk side by side and anyone wanting to pass you is out of luck, but now you are expecting me to step off the pavement and into the on-coming traffic for your convenience. NO WAY :(


Dear teenagers, I'm very happy for you but could you please consider that not everyone wants to see you groping each other in public. Kissing is one thing but when you start getting THAT frisky in public it' s time to go indoors.

crazyclerk12
10-21-2012, 04:25 AM
Dear Dad,

You don't know how badly you screwed up, do you? You cheated on Mom, after 12 years together. You fucked up, plain and simple. You don't know that did to Mom, or to me, you bastard. It's been a year. What now? Lacy*, if you are reading this, fuck you, bitch. Fuck you. You fucked up our family. Bitch.

Sincerely,
Crazyclerk12

*not her real name, but close

fireheart
10-28-2012, 12:23 PM
Dear Mother,

Yes I get that somehow the car screwed up. Yes, I get that our insurance premiums are going to go up because of an ACCIDENT. Dad did not deliberately open the back just to piss you off. It was an HONEST MISTAKE. And somehow, as usual, you have this compulsive need to be perfect, to act perfect around people. Whenever something goes wrong, or you make a mistake, or similar, your response tends to be of the negative sort. And then you wonder where I get it from.

Therefore, when you stomp back in to get the broom, you DO NOT need to go off your nut at me. We're just lucky that nobody was hurt and it was JUST a smashed windscreen. If you're that worried about your insurance premiums going up, they go up anyway due to inflation (believe me, last I checked, my sister (who has never been in a car accident)'s insurance goes up every year for varying reasons). yes, I know that you're struggling to find a full-time job. I'm just struggling to find part-time work. Do I go off my nut at you when I've had a shitty day? No. I've learned to scream and yell in the car when I'm driving (always just me), or I take it out in other forms or in other forums. (or on occasion my sister)

I'll be glad in 2-3 years time when I can move out for good. When I have kids, I will not be acknowledging you as their grandmother. You will be known as the "grandpa's wife". Not as a grandma, or a nanna. Not until you receive therapy. If I can do it, then so can you.

Fireheart.

RootedPhoenix
11-19-2012, 02:59 AM
Dear head,

I hate you.

--Me

Dear fireheart,

*big squishy hugs* :(

--Me

Dear crazyclerk12,

*big squishy hugs, too* :(

--Me

dragon_wings
11-19-2012, 04:07 PM
Dear former roommate,
As much as I wish I hated you I just hate that you have the emotional and mental maturity of a preschooler. I'm glad you're gone in most respects. But the apartment is kinda lonely without you. Even though I now have room to spread out. Yay. I really wish you well in life and hope you get the emotional support I was unable to give you and the therapy you so desperately need.
Sincerely,
dragon_wings
Ps. It was not classy at all the leave the apartment in such filth. Would it have killed you to take out some of the trash like I had asked. Oh well, it was wishful thinking that you'd consider anyone but yourself. :/

Jack T. Chance
04-29-2013, 10:48 PM
Dear "God"... or "Powers That Be"... or whoever the hell you are;

Fine. I get it. There's no point trying to change my fate anymore. It's pointless. I GIVE UP.

You fuckin' happy now?!? :mad:

Dreamstalker
05-31-2013, 01:17 PM
Dear Family Friend and Petsitting Client:

We agreed that I would petsit for you next week, and then three weeks in August. However...I am providing a service (this is a business for me and you know this), and the rate I initially gave you was based on your request that I stay overnight for at least some of those days this week. That was spelled out; it's always up to the client whether they want me to stay over.

If you wish to negotiate the price, you do not immediately come back with a 50% price reduction with no explanation. I'm willing to negotiate IF the client has legitimate financial issues, which I know you do not. The price I gave you already included a 'friends and family' discount, and my daily rates are quite reasonable. I will come over for the number of times you will be paying me for.

fireheart
06-07-2013, 12:09 PM
Dear CS.com folks,

I REALLY love it when different state-funded psychiatrists decide to play the diagnosis game with me. Here's the list of diagnoses I have received in the last few years:

-Major Depression.
-General Anxiety.
-Borderline Personality Disorder.
-Possible bipolar.
-Dysthymia.
-Social Anxiety Disorder.
-Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified.

Of those, the first three were done by the same service, the next one was done by another psychiatrist (on the recommendation of my mental health "team"), the next was done by my doctor and the last two by the latest psychiatrist I've seen. It has been really frustrating for my family.
I also suspect that a couple of those diagnoses have been made on key words, such as "self-harm" or "suicidal thoughts" which lately have only cropped up during times of stress.
So far, the label we are going with is dysthymia and social anxiety.

Too bad wellbutrin/zyban isn't covered for that in Australia.....>.<

On top of that, people keep stating that I shouldn't be thinking this, that or the other. It's kind of hard to feel good about yourself when the self-talk is all 100% true. Anything else and I am deluding myself, sticking my head in the sand, or forgetting about it. If I end up along that path, I end up becoming an even bigger fat blob and forgetting about what I need to do, which is to lose weight. I end up screwing up anyway, I end up unable to work. Being positive doesn't help me practically. It doesn't help me physically. What's the point when the self-talk is all 100% true and accurate anyway. When you feel like everyone is judging you and they are right. Because god forbid that someone with a mental illness can be right, for all you know, it's in their head. God forbid that someone with a mental illness can actually accuse someone of something and actually BE right about it.

Jack T. Chance
06-28-2013, 05:18 PM
Dear Black Sabbath;

THANK YOU for FINALLY putting out a new studio album with Ozzy as Lead Singer! I love you blokes so much! :super:

--------------------------------------------

Dear Bill Ward;

I wish you had chosen to participate in the reunion album and tour. Black Sabbath isn't completely whole without you on the drums. Still... you must do what you feel is right, of course. :blink:

Jack T. Chance
07-30-2013, 10:29 PM
Dear Frito-Lay, Inc.;

Your Lay's Stax Potato Crisps are simply TOO DAMNED ADDICTIVE! Please see to this problem immediately, if not sooner.

KTHXBYE!

Sincerely;

Anyone That's Ever Opened a Can, Then Couldn't Stop Munching On Them. >_<

Tyg3rW01f
07-31-2013, 03:24 AM
Dear Self,

Why the :censored: can't you figure out the simplest tasks, then do them like you are supposed to do? Srsly, taking 95 minutes to not only discover you have the wrong ZIP Code plugged into your GPS, but that you have -like an idiot- left your cellphone at home?! Then you go back to the pizza place and COMPLAIN?! WTF, Self?!

Signed,
Tyger

catcul
09-20-2013, 05:49 PM
Dear Bottom Feeding, Scum Sucking Algae Eaters,

Actually, calling you that is an insult to bottom feeders everywhere. How dare you create a virus that pretends to be an anti-virus? Your virus actually blocks legitimate anti-virus programs so we can't get rid of the actual virus. I literally had to remove the hard drive from my mother's computer so I could get rid of your infected garbage. You did this to my computer, too.

Why don't you use your talents to make the world a better place? The only two comparisons to your "business model" I can think of off the top of my head involve the mob and the crossbow rapist. I'm sure you're familiar with the mob's "protection" racket. The crossbow rapist sold home security systems using the threat of the crossbow rapist as a selling point.

Rot in Hell.

Signed,
Catcul

Sarlon
09-21-2013, 09:06 PM
dear mother nature,

I know you gave us a 5 year drought that's stretched out to 8 years and running, but did you REALLY have give us all this rain at once?

serious I think I say the sun 3 times this ENTIRE season....

please don't make it snow as much as it rained this winter....

Love eternally,

ME!

RootedPhoenix
09-22-2013, 10:23 AM
Dear insides,

I am going to replace you with parts from Wal-Mart and the dollar store if you don't quit.

Grrrrrrrrrrrr,
RP

Dear self,

Blog posts don't write themselves. Also, promotion isn't automagical either.

*sigh*,
RP

Tyg3rW01f
09-23-2013, 01:10 PM
Dear Medical Issues,

Why must you always strike at the least opportune moment for those you afflict, and NOT kill those who truly deserve it... like politicians... instead of killing, or maiming innocents, like Mytical? I mean, seriously! What did the poor guy EVER do to you?!

Signed,
Mytical's Friends and medical issue sufferers everywhere

fireheart
09-27-2013, 01:40 PM
Dear friends of mine currently sleeping on the floor together,

I know what you two are doing. My SO knows what you two are doing. Despite how quiet you believe you are being, rustling sleeping bags and whispered moans give it away.
So please just hurry up and start dating already!!! We already know you are doing the horizontal salsa on the floor. Just hurry up and start dating please!!

fireheart
10-02-2013, 01:23 PM
Dear girlfriend of mine,

While I think it's cute that you are in denial about who the "Mystery man" you keep mentioning, the fact stands that I know who it is. My SO knows who it is. My SO's MOTHER knows who it is.

Seriously, you do not (and should not!) need to hide the fact that he is a great friend to you and that you might have a little thing for him. It's like a frigging soap opera between you two! Just for the love of cheese, HURRY UP AND START DATING ALREADY! You two are already fucking, you may as well just do it! :p

RootedPhoenix
10-08-2013, 06:44 PM
Dear migraine,

Piss off. Now. :burnup:

--RP

Dreamstalker
11-25-2013, 02:08 PM
Dear S:

How did I wind up with different rates for different people? (some people pay me more than my asking rate because their pets have become attached to me)

Yes, I know we're friends. I know you're my therapist. You also know that I am petsitting as a business venture. Cutting our agreed-upon rate by more than half (I'm giving you my 'friends' rate for overnight stays, which even given my slight increase during holiday weeks is more than reasonable around here) by saying "I think that's too much" during a quick visit when we're both in a hurry is not the way to negotiate. I'm willing to take less if your neighbor is also checking in on the cats, but this week it's just me.

You didn't have a problem with my rate before, and want me to stay over for 4 nights. My rate is based on what the client wants me to do (I'm able to work it around my other job almost all the time). You paid me the equivalent of two nights...less than two, really. I will come over for the number of visits I am paid for.

Petsitting is how I supplement paying my credit card bills. I don't really appreciate having to suddenly recalculate how much I can give them this month.

--------------------------------------

Dear Property Management:

I know this is never going to happen, but I think we deserve a rent credit being that we're the only ones in the building who ever report any problems. Oh, and the inner vestibule door still doesn't lock (I can literally push it open without a key). You've 'fixed' it twice over three months. I can see the problem.

Food Lady
11-25-2013, 11:21 PM
Dear brain, I know you are doing your best to heal. And it would happen sooner if I didn't take in any more stimuli. But I can't stop living my life. I have to work. I have to attend to paperwork. I have a disaster of a house to clean. It's the holidays. I'm giving you 10 hours of sleep where I can. Please don't take forever. And don't get dementia. I won't have anyone to take care of me. Well, maybe.

Jack T. Chance
11-25-2013, 11:58 PM
Dear Research In Motion BlackBerry;

I DESPERATELY miss the good old days with you, back around 2007. Why did you have to let yourselves get left so far behind the rest of the pack in the smartphone race? :confused:

Wishing I could get a thoroughly MODERN BlackBerry every bit as good as my old 8700 was at the time! :cry:

--An old school CrackBerry Addict

fireheart
02-03-2014, 11:22 AM
Dear Peter Coombe,

I can TOTALLY sympathise with you being over "Mr Clickety Cane"...it is the ONLY song I've had in my head whenever someone has mentioned your name over the past week. Although I am impressed that you kept count of how many audiences you've performed for! (He has performed for over 4100 audiences)

Now I want to hear more of the OTHER songs for my kids! ("Juicy Juicy Green Grass" is becoming a favourite as it's not nearly as earwormy)

Love,
Fireheart.

Dear student who I think has ASD,

Hooray for lining up with the rest of my class today without prompting! Fingers crossed we might be able to do it without the prompt tomorrow! :D

(For context: this kid refused to get off the playground at the end of recess and lunch over the last week. We had a breakthrough with the bribing of Lego, but he didn't need it today)

Dear child with developmental delays,

You did SO well this morning in your second language class. :D You moved out of the way for other children when they moved into your space and you participated in the circle game we had today (although you kept squeaking the bone so I think we need to find a non-squeaking one :lol:) as well SO wonderfully! :D

Love,
Fireheart.

Dear class,

YOu are such a wonderful group of children :love:

Tyg3rW01f
02-07-2014, 05:17 AM
Dear Green-ass New Guy,
I know I am one of the slower delivery drivers; I know I took a month to learn the basics of our job.
But dammit! I learned REAL QUICK to NOT use the GPS app on my phone! Don't you know those damn things are at least ten years out of date?! Hell, Cellphone GPS STILL has NO CLUE that Sam's Gap is open and Old 26 has been renumbered!
Pick up the damn pace, will ya?

Signed,
j.

Kagato
04-29-2014, 03:32 AM
Dear flatmates,

I don't care that it is pouring down with rain outside and that you 'don't want to stand outside getting wet while you're having a smoke'. YOU DON'T COVER THE [CENSORED]ING SMOKE DETECTORS SO THAT YOU CAN SMOKE IN THE FLAT WITHOUT SETTING THE ALARMS OFF.

I have sent an email to the landlord with a photo of the roof smoke alarm having a sock still fitted over it that you idiots didn't even have the common sense to take it off again afterwards, because I don't feel like DYING if there happens to be a fire and the alarm doesn't go off because you twits covered the damn thing, I hope you get booted out sooner rather than later.

No love,

Me.

catcul
09-26-2014, 05:42 PM
Dear Lenovo,

I hate some of your new laptops. On your T440s and T540s, you have the worst touchpads I have ever used. You have to push it down to mouse click. Right clicking is even more difficult. If I'm having problems as a technician, I can't imagine how much difficulty the average user is having.

F:censored: you,

Catcul

Dreamstalker
09-29-2014, 03:15 PM
Dear ASM:

I know I never ask for days off or call out (late, yes; out completely, no). So when I have a request for days only one week there must be a reason (dogsitting 3 towns over and can't leave the pooch alone for any more than 6 hours). Stick to the request. If you read my note enough to grasp "no overnight" you read enough to grasp the other part. Usually I'll handle the schedule abuse, but not that week. I could have requested off completely, but I didn't. Don't push it.

By the way, that text just after midnight on Saturday wanting me to change my availability that day when you knew darn well I was still petsitting? Not appreciated and really not professional (I bet you wouldn't have dared do that if I'd been home--why not just ASK me on Friday when I was actually there?). The shift lead has my cell number, he could have just called me at a more reasonable hour--the answer still would have been no as I couldn't have been there in time.

Tyg3rW01f
10-01-2014, 12:51 AM
Dear Chicago Cubs fans

STFU and FUND your piece-of-:censored: team so you can buy some players who are worth the time it takes to sign their check! Maybe THAT way, you'll break the so-called curse and win a Series.

Otherwise, QUIT whining and just accept the fact your team simply SUCKS!!

catcul
10-25-2014, 02:03 AM
Dear Travel Agency,

I am glad that I don't have to use your "services" anymore. In my last project, you were the exclusive travel agency for the bank. All you offered were were $110+/night hotel rooms. Unfortunately, the bank will only pay for $100/night. That would include taxes and fees. That meant that we had to find hotels through a certain hotel site just to find a hotel room that would keep us under budget. We still had to call you and book those rooms.

Now, you are the preferred travel agency. The bank encourages, but doesn't require, using your services. Now you offer $60-$90/night hotel rooms. It's funny how that works. I'm still going to use my preferred travel agency. That's not you.

Sincerely,

Catcul

Tyg3rW01f
11-03-2014, 07:05 PM
Dear Jerk-wad at Work,
You think you can tell me how to do my job? Let's review some things: I've been here 15 months, you have been here five. If you want to tell me about Job-issue items, then all we're allowed to wear at work would be a shirt hat, and apron; in other words STFU about me carrying a pocketknife, jackass. Oh, and the minute your name is included in the list of managers, is the minute you can tell me what to do. Otherwise, shut up, do your job and remember who has the fucking seniority.
Signed,
J.

Tyg3rW01f
11-07-2014, 05:37 PM
Dear Dumbass Customers
START LISTENING TO ME!!! I have FIFTEEN pizzas to make, 20 coming out of the oven, and ten deliveries to make as of thirty minutes ago!! I DO NOT have the time it will take to completely and utterly RE-EDUCATE you on how to F***ING LISTEN to the Specials!! And NO! These are SPECIALS!! They are NOT regular menu price!!! You CANNOT combine Specials and BOGO!! Go curse my competitors with your fucktard-ness and stupity!!!
-Signed
Pissed off Pizza Guy

Dreamstalker
12-06-2014, 09:27 PM
Dear E:

Stop telling me how to do my job. I know you need to think that you're on top of things, but let's be honest, I know far more about the technical quirks and frustrations of SCO (and how to properly and quickly deal with them) than you do. Go back to running the other slackers on the registers and let me do what I do. As I'm listening to you prattle on about how I should be bagging, getting baskets, etc that guy on #8 who I was watching just walked off without paying for over $100 worth of stuff. I'm not signing my name to that receipt, I know what happened and the manager does too.

fireheart
12-28-2014, 11:30 AM
Dear hayfever,

Please FOAD.

Seriously,
Fireheart.

Dear Work,

Thank you for being ever so supportive of me. Hopefully you won't mind me taking notes this year to help me remember things during shifts. It'll also help should things suddenly come to bite me in the ass.

Love,
Fireheart.

Dear Bing Lee,

Thank you for offering to hold the TV for me today and letting me wait around until my partner came in to pay. Getting a TV home is a bitch on the train, so I was glad that you gave us that leeway. It is now currently running a Raspberry Pi and my partner is watching Youtube Videos off of it.

Yours sincerely,
Fireheart.

Tyg3rW01f
01-06-2015, 07:10 PM
Dear SC's at Work
IF YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT m************************ SPECIAL YOU WANT, f****ING ASK FOR IT INSTEAD OF ASKING ME WHAT g**f****d*** SPECIALS WE HAVE!!!
Signed,
Tyg3rW01f

Tyg3rW01f
03-28-2015, 06:53 PM
Dear Me,
POwerplaying is easy, RP is hard. RP is more rewarding in the long-run dipshit.

Sarlon
04-03-2015, 04:18 PM
Dear Weather,

I love you....I love spring.....I love the cool nights and hot days....I mean this......

BUT CAN YOU PLEASE MAKE UP YOUR FREAKING MIND ABOUT 80 DEGREE HIGH ONE DAY AND 20 DEGREE HIGH THE NEXT?!!!

No love,

Me

Food Lady
04-20-2015, 11:40 PM
Dear accuracy hater: Yes, I like for people to be accurate with grammar. My remark had nothing to do with you personally. You didn't have to defend yourself saying "Well, I could save your life!" What does one have to do with the other, anyway? And yes, I also like media productions to be as historically accurate as possible. I've a right to that opinion. I'm not sure why it angers you, except that you just like when people wing it? I sincerely hope that you don't just wing it when administering medical care to your patients. You put a big damper on my Easter, and I only came over because I care about your son and daughter-in-law. I really wanted to have my meal at my house, but I agreed to their house anyway. And then I had to deal with your condescending tone. I'm sure you don't mean to be like that, but someone needs to tell you how you sound. I'm not gonna; I just met you.

Food Lady
04-20-2015, 11:42 PM
Dear Jerk-wad at Work,
You think you can tell me how to do my job? Let's review some things: I've been here 15 months, you have been here five. If you want to tell me about Job-issue items, then all we're allowed to wear at work would be a shirt hat, and apron; in other words STFU about me carrying a pocketknife, jackass. Oh, and the minute your name is included in the list of managers, is the minute you can tell me what to do. Otherwise, shut up, do your job and remember who has the fucking seniority.
Signed,
J.I could've written this so many times (minus the naughty words :p ), and my initial is even the same as yours.

Kit-Ginevra
04-29-2015, 12:41 AM
If you want to tell me about Job-issue items, then all we're allowed to wear at work would be a shirt hat, and apron;
Signed,
J.


JUST a shirt,hat and apron?Is this some sort of specialty restaurant? Nothing to cover the nether regions(especially in the vicinity of cooking and sharp knives? :eek:?

Food Lady
04-29-2015, 07:49 AM
Dear spine, why you no hurt me all day and now that I have to be at work in less than 8 hours, you keep me up? I'd replace you if I could!

Tama
04-30-2015, 11:26 PM
Dear Life: FUCK YOU!

I need a $10,000 oral surgery, there's almost $400 in vehicle tax before we can renew the car registration (which expires TOMORROW), and rent is due soon too!

We were doing so well! Why now???

Tyg3rW01f
05-08-2015, 12:12 AM
Dear Rednecks
I know it is my job to bring your *bleep*ing food as I'm the *bleep*ing delivery guy. HOW-the *bleep*-EVER!! It is NOT my *bleep*ing job to take your *bleep*ing abuse over the *bleep*ing phone! NEXT *bleep*ing time, I'll make *bleepitty bleepitty bleep bleep* certain to make YOUR *bleep*ing order a *BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*ing "Timed Order" that won't arrive at your piece of *bleep* trailer for another three hours!

Dreamstalker
05-24-2015, 07:31 PM
Dear (possibly soon to be ex) Client:

Yes, I agreed to take care of your (sick) dog for 3 weeks...which I now realize I shouldn't have done. I know you're paying me less than the vet would charge for boarding, but there's a tradeoff there. If anything goes wrong I may not be able to get the pooch to the vet in time, and I cannot pay out of pocket. Your dog, you pay for his care.

I realize you're leaving on Thursday. I emailed you three simple questions about my overnight shifts (confirming that YOU said those shifts would not be a problem), contact/emergency info and the dog's medication (if you run out I can't just 'pop over to the hospital'). You ignored my email except to say 'can u come early'...I can, but you need to answer my questions. Interesting how you won't contact me if there will be a permanent timestamped record of what you said.

catcul
06-21-2015, 03:48 AM
Dear Delta Airlines,

Why do you see fit to send me to Detroit on my way home? When I flew to Charlotte, NC, from Orlando, FL, I had to go through Detroit, MI. When I fly to Greensboro, NC, from Austin, TX, I'll have to go through Detroit, MI.

Why do you do that? That makes no sense to me at all.

Sincerely,

Catcul

Tama
06-23-2015, 06:52 PM
I think Detroit must realllllllly need the business...

catcul
06-23-2015, 07:01 PM
There's a clip from a movie called "Kentucky Fried Movie, a Fistful of Yen (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ynY2begPzoM)" on YouTube that has dialog relevant to this.

Good Guy: "You don't scare me, you :censored:"
Bad Guy: "Take him to Detroit."
GG: "No, NO, not Detroit! Please! Anything but that."

:lol:

darkroxas45
06-23-2015, 09:54 PM
Dear Tim,
Dude when we go fishing, Just go to the boat ramps. It saves time and frustration when we don't have to pull 20 pounds of :censored: grass off our hooks and weights between casts. Also STOP BLARING YOUR FREAKING MUSIC. You can boost the bass/treble/volume all you :censored: well :censored: please, your speakers are still :censored: :censored:. Plus if I don't sleep the night before I sure as :censored: don't wanna go fishing at 7-9 a.m. I wanna go home and sleep.

wolfie
06-24-2015, 01:50 AM
You can boost the bass/treble/volume all you :censored: well :censored: please

Never gone fishing for treble or volume - what kind of gear do you use?:D

dalesys
06-24-2015, 02:12 AM
Never gone fishing for treble or volume - what kind of gear do you use?:D
I'd call *that* fishing for trouble.

darkroxas45
06-24-2015, 02:21 AM
I was just mad because he takes us out to this little beach area that kinda sucks for fishing, and on the drive there, or well, any where he turns the bass, treble, and volume on his stereo all the way up and blares it through the stock Mercury Sable speakers

catcul
06-24-2015, 02:59 PM
Dear Allegiant Air,

Please get me to St. Pete and back safely. My flights are coming up quickly. Make sure the ground doesn't follow suit.

Sincerely,

Catcul

Tama
06-29-2015, 01:45 AM
Dear 5 year old niece,

No, I am not interested in playing with you.

You have too much energy.

No, I do not want to play with you.

Just being near you pushes me into sensory overload like you wouldn't believe because you're so energetic you practically vibrate. It's not that I dislike you, I just can't deal with being around you when you're going full tilt.

Thank you for reminding me why I won't have children. If I can't handle you, I can't handle my own. And I wouldn't want to resent a child that way. The way I was.

Sincerely,

Headache and Anxiety Attack

P.S. For some reason having you around makes me lose weight though, so there is that.

Tama
06-29-2015, 08:30 PM
Dear SIL, mother of the 5 year old,

Take care of your own damn kid. I should not have to play reluctant mom because you don't want to get off your ass!

Yes, I am lazy and sleep all day sometimes if I can, but I DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN. If you wanted to sleep all day you should have actually thought about hiring a nanny instead of shoving your children off on everyone else! Or better yet, NOT HAVE HAD THEM TO BEGIN WITH!

Fuck you,

Your SIL

Zellie Crescent
06-29-2015, 09:21 PM
Dear Asshole, gay is NOT the new black. People aren't saying and doing the things they are because you're gay, put your bullshit card away, grow up and stop being an asshole and people will stop treating you like one. Another thing you might want to know trying to and actually getting a job means you have to go out and apply and interveiw, but hey maybe sitting your fat ass on the couch all day doing your nails, eating chips, watching CSI reruns, and talking to/texting your stupid asshole boyfriend works too in your own little fantasy world. Seriously, stop being a total shithead or go live with him. From, the family you are trying desperately to drive away (sorry this looks weird, I'm typing this on a really shitty phone)

Food Lady
08-20-2015, 12:43 AM
Dear Mother Nature: you are driving me nuts. My electric bill is sky-high because of the humidity. I ran the AC this morning because it was hot in here. Then I left the house this evening and froze. Now I can open the windows, but I feel like I wasted all that energy earlier, which is bad for the environment and my finances. I am sick of this back-and-forth. It was really hot in the desert, but at least it was consistent!

Jack T. Chance
08-21-2015, 05:36 PM
Dear Disturbed;

Welcome back, you crazy bastards! I've missed you! Now hurry up and announce your new tour dates so I can buy my tickets! :super:

--One of the Disturbed Ones

Seanette
08-21-2015, 06:03 PM
To my uterus and lower digestive tract:

I hate both of you, too.

Uterus - there is NO need for this kind of cramping at this stage of the cycle, and you're setting off the digestive problems. STOP IT!

Lower digestive tract - NO, we are NOT going to get sick. Not with starting that new assignment at work tomorrow. I've worked too long and hard to get that promotion to lead to let you screw it up for me. Behave, or you'll be getting a dose of Imodium that will stop you up for a week or more.

Your Owner

Food Lady
09-16-2015, 04:44 AM
Dear SCs I have ticked off royally in the last 2 years: I just had the happiest thought. I realized I haven't seen any of you back in, not that I recollect. Could it be that I am the Chosen One meant to make sucktomers so angry that they never darken our doorstep again? And by the way, I'm still here so I win.

Tama
10-13-2015, 07:04 PM
Dear husband,

No birth control is 100% effective. Stop searching for it. It doesn't exist.

Your wife


P.S. I know the answer to my question now. :pigfly:

MoonCat
10-14-2015, 12:59 AM
Dear Stomach,

You're a bitch.

Seanette
10-14-2015, 04:05 AM
Dear MoonCat's stomach:

Whatever you're doing, STOP IT!!!!

darkroxas45
10-22-2015, 04:13 PM
Dear Dr Jones:
Please stop failing every paper I give to you because it doesn't meet your impossible standards. I'm am starting to think that YOU wrote those example papers you keep passing out and just put some random name on them instead. I need this class to get my major so if you could just stop holding us to impossible standards and just grade us on the quality not your idea of perfection that would be great and I might stand a chance of passing the class.
Your Student

cindybubbles
01-14-2016, 08:34 PM
Dear Old Man Winter:

Go away. You're making us all sick.

Sincerely,

Someone who just caught a cold from her father because of winter

Food Lady
02-11-2016, 12:15 AM
Dear X: Look, I know you like your job and the products of the company you represent. I can understand you want to convey the "knowledge" they've provided you to your customers and those of us around you. I get it. But frankly I am tired of being argued with. I was in mid-sentence recommending a product from another line to our mutual friend when you interrupted me to say how awful petroleum jelly is. First, there is absolutely zero conclusive evidence it causes cancer. The worst thing one can say about it--according to peer-reviewed studies--is that some people can develop an allergy to it. OK, that's valid. Those people can avoid it. But if our mutual friend has no problem with it, I don't see why she has to use your company's products. I've actually said about your "facts" things like That doesn't bother me or I'm not overly concerned. Get a clue: I am not one of those who think natural is necessarily better. I used to be, but even then I wasn't preachy about it.

I just wrote "knowledge" because whatever information is dubious, considering you once told me that cutting hair will make it's growth rate go up. That's genetic; it can't be changed by cutting. You argued about that, and that argument came out of my trying to complement your hair.
We've also had conversations about people on welfare. Apparently every single person on welfare or food stamps is lazy/entitled/dishonest because your relatives are. Uh, no. I've been on food stamps and none of that is true about me.

Just stop with the stereotypes/misinformation. You are young and often parrot what you hear. Live a little longer and learn how to research stuff for yourself. Get a bigger worldview. I still can't believe you're married with a child on the way. Frankly, you're still very much a child yourself. I am just hoping you grow up soon.

mjr
02-11-2016, 01:39 PM
Dear People who designed the freeways near where I work:

What the heck were you smoking?? You have two exits within about a quarter mile of one another. You have a point where two lanes merge into one. You have a point where two roads merge onto this freeway, and an "exit only" not very far away.

Seriously. How did you come up with these designs?

Becks
04-10-2016, 04:16 PM
Dear T,

I still miss you and think of you every day.
I wish we talked more than quick HBDs in November and July.

--the one who "hasn't changed"

Dear P,

It's been a year since I got a surprise email from your wife.
You told her enough to be considered truthful, I'll give you that, but you left out a great deal.
Maybe I should've told her everything, and sent her that email you sent me.
I should've known something was up when you asked me one hell of a question, then never got around to wanting to know my answer.

--the "good girl" who you're "not good" for

Dear R,

Really wish you hadn't told me what you did on Valentine's Day, repeat it every once in a while (but only when it suits you) and claim you're too overworked to talk to me. In case you forgot, I work two jobs- one is 3rd shift- and I'm always willing to talk to you when you're up to it.

--your gift

Dear self,

Be serious about exercising again. Even if it is only riding the exercise bike for half an hour a day.
Try sleeping more and eating less on days that you work both jobs. Doing it the other way around isn't helping.
When your insurance cards come in this year, USE THEM. Get your eyes checked and new glasses. Go to the dentist and get that problematic wisdom tooth out (and then get rid of the dental insurance). See if you can get a mental health screening. Yes, being diagnosed bipolar is trendy now, but....

Dear cats,

Hetfield--stop peeing on the bed. The litter boxes are clean, and you have one in the bedroom for your convenience.
Nella--stop begging for milk and ice cream.
Valentina--stop being aggressive towards your older siblings. Yes, I know you want to establish dominance, but you're the newbie in the household. You're doing much better now that you're used to the place, but stop with the war whoops.

Food Lady
04-10-2016, 05:52 PM
Becks, I wouldn't get rid of the dental insurance. Problems can pop up when you don't expect them and then you'll have to pay out of pocket. I had $2300 worth of dental work before insurance. I don't want to see that happen to you! <3

Becks
04-11-2016, 12:59 AM
Dear Food Lady,

I know.
You're right.
I make enough money at the Lounge that it doesn't matter that it's costing me a ton of money every two weeks for my various insurance(s). :lol:

Love,
Becks

PS--I miss you on Facebook. I keep meaning to text you, but my schedule's such a disaster.

Food Lady
04-11-2016, 03:32 AM
Dear Becks, I know I probably get a better deal on dental than some. My dentist and the lady at Delta were amazed at how much I get for $18 a month. I guess we just got lucky at my company. I'm staying for the dental!

Becks
04-11-2016, 09:57 AM
Dear Food Lady,

I'm jealous.

Love,

Becks

Becks
04-27-2016, 08:22 PM
Dear self,

Be serious about exercising again. Even if it is only riding the exercise bike for half an hour a day.
Try sleeping more and eating less on days that you work both jobs. Doing it the other way around isn't helping.


See those?

SEE them?

Get on it, damn it.

Food Lady
06-09-2016, 12:28 AM
Dear Negative Nancy: Seriously, I am sick of listening to you denigrate your mom for being on disability. Maybe she is working the system, but I think it's more that due to her own wrong actions she's not able to support herself. That's not a good example, but honestly there are many people out there who are suffering the consequence of their own actions. But should they be denied basic needs because of a regrettable past? I know you see her as being "proud of it" but I think that's just a knee-jerk reaction to the stigma and condemnation she often suffers. You can't see that because you're full of bitterness. You can't control her, but you can work on yourself. I'll keep telling you these things and you'll keep ignoring me because I'm your mom's age and despite the fact that you are about to be a mother yourself, you are still growing up. I'll keep speaking the truth because frankly I don't care if you find me judgemental. I'm too old to worry about your opinion in this matter. I'm trying to help you to see the truth.

iradney
06-09-2016, 07:14 AM
Dear Neighbour

Seriously, next time you have severe bronchitis, DO NOT COME TO A BBQ and infect me! STAY AT HOME AND GET BETTER! Now I'm sick because of you and your stupid germs.

I hope your nose runs for the next month.

Dreamstalker
06-12-2016, 03:03 PM
Dear Mom:

I know you bring home leftovers from your cooking, but I generally can't take food to work without risking it getting stolen or thrown out...and you know if I have to run from one job to another I can't take anything as it would sit unrefrigerated for hours. Occasionally I will have leftovers from work, or find something on the sale table I will want later. And no, I can't 'hide' leftovers at the store, we have no breakroom fridge and the coolers get cleaned/blocked daily now. I've even stashed (marked) stuff in the Deli walk-in and it's found and tossed.

I've told you if I buy something I will eat it. You don't have to remind me about all the "crap" I buy. My food for work. I wouldn't have to spend 'so much money' (and you wouldn't 'have to throw out so much food') if I could find what I bought when I want it.

This is starting to look like a college apartment kitchen with me having to write my name on stuff...

wolfie
06-12-2016, 09:40 PM
but I generally can't take food to work without risking it getting stolen or thrown out...and you know if I have to run from one job to another I can't take anything as it would sit unrefrigerated for hours.

Have you considered a small soft-sided cooler with a bunch of reusable ice packs? If you drive to work, you could leave it in your car (shady parking spot is best) - which should deter your co-workers from stealing and/or tossing your food.

Food Lady
06-13-2016, 02:48 AM
Have you considered a small soft-sided cooler with a bunch of reusable ice packs? If you drive to work, you could leave it in your car (shady parking spot is best) - which should deter your co-workers from stealing and/or tossing your food.

There are some that are cooled electrically. You plug them into your outlet thingy.

wolfie
06-13-2016, 05:36 AM
Those draw around 6 amps. If you get a wall adapter (one meant for coolers - NOT one meant for cellphone chargers) and can plug it in inside, great. For in your car, unless you have a dual-purpose battery (i.e. designed to handle both starting and deep-cycle loads), it's a bad idea to run one of these with the engine off, since it'll degrade the battery and cut its life expectancy (in my truck with a cooler, set of 4 group 31 starting batteries lasted a year, typically get 3 years out of a set of dual-purpose). Also, on some cars the lighter socket is only "live" if the key is in the "on" or "acc" position, meaning the cooler will shut down when you take the key out.

Dreamstalker
06-25-2016, 02:33 AM
I've seen a soft-sided lunch bag that doesn't need ice packs--you just pop the whole thing in the freezer and when chilled it keeps contents cold for about 6 hours. That might be the way to go seeing as I don't have anywhere cool to keep it where it won't be found and possibly thrown out.

Dear mom:

It's cool that you got us some more of that deodorant we both use, but I'm not a fan of the perfume spray. It just smells like alcohol and...something rancid (seems to be a common thread on recent Amazon reviews).

I can't wear (or even stand) any alcohol-based perfumes really. You've known this for how many years?

Food Lady
06-25-2016, 04:49 AM
I've seen a soft-sided lunch bag that doesn't need ice packs--you just pop the whole thing in the freezer and when chilled it keeps contents cold for about 6 hours.
I've been eyeballing those for a while but at $20 a pop....

Becks
06-27-2016, 04:09 PM
W.,

If this is how you treat people now, I'd hate to see what it was like when you were a hardcore alcoholic back in the day.

You are abusive and you have severe anger issues.

The only way I'll ever go to your funeral is if your wife doesn't die first.

If I had my way, I would never again have anything to do with you whatsoever.

As you can tell, I can't even bring myself to refer to you as my FIL.

I hope karma gets you soon.

Becks
07-26-2016, 01:28 PM
Dear R.,

Is the horrible news true? No one will tell me.

I've been crying at work all night.

I might have to text the last known number of your mom's.

I'm devastated.

Your angel,

Becca

catcul
07-26-2016, 01:56 PM
Dear Telemarketer,

I'm about to eat breakfast, I don't want to think about the septic tank.

Catcul

Food Lady
07-26-2016, 03:08 PM
Dear Whatever It Is I'm Allergic To: Go away!! I am so tired of the dizziness and headache. I took so many pills yesterday to treat my allergy and my neck issue that I lost count. I took preventative muscle relaxer because I thought you were an oncoming cluster headache or migraine (still don't know which I have). It might've been both of you. You know, I really have no idea. Maybe this should be Dear Body. So tired of swallowing pills.

Becks
07-27-2016, 02:05 PM
My dearest R.,

It *is* true.

WHY?!?!?!?

Please send me a sign.

Brokenhearted,

Becca

Becks
07-28-2016, 10:58 PM
This is going to be rambling.

Mo bhrionglóid,

I am devastated.
I am angry.
I cry every day.
I'm forcing myself to eat, but it's not much.
I can't believe that you'll never call, text or message me anymore. I keep expecting you to.
Whenever I was sad, you'd tell me "no sadness". Well, what am I supposed to do now?
You told me that before we met that you'd prayed to God for ....well, I don't know how to put it into words, but soon after, I entered your life.
Why would God give me to you, just to take you away from me less than 5 years later?
All the promises you made, except for one, are now lies.
I told you this would happen. You didn't believe me. Your Pisces abilities were no match for my Cancer intuition.
I gave you everything you ever asked me for.
I feel guilty.
Because you got a second job to try to start paying me back, you weren't eating or sleeping well.
You had a heart attack.
You died.
We didn't get to say goodbye.
I'll never get to say goodbye.
I know nothing about the funeral or where you'll be laid to rest.
I can't even send my condolences to your mother.
I hate you for dying.
I miss you.
I love you.

Food Lady
07-29-2016, 03:32 AM
Becks, I'm so sorry! *hugs*

Becks
07-29-2016, 01:04 PM
Thanks, Food Lady.
This is killing me.

darkroxas45
07-30-2016, 12:54 PM
Dear lady who "came early" to the car care clinic,
BACK OF THE FREAKING LINE. I DON'T CARE IF YOU WERE HERE BEFORE US.

Jack T. Chance
08-05-2016, 09:13 PM
Dear Taco Bell;

THANK YOU for introducing me to Mountain Dew Kickstart! :cool:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Pepsi;

Thank you for MAKING Mountain Dew Kickstart! At a time in my life where I'm doing everything I can to cut down my intake of Sugars and Total Carbs, to find a version of Mountain Dew I LIKE that has NO "Diet Soda Aftertaste", less than half the Calories, Sugars, and Total Carbs of regular Mountain Dew, and MORE Caffeine then regular Dew, is a GOD-SEND for those times when I need extra caffeine in the middle of the day! :love:

But now you need to work on the distribution, 'cuz Kickstart needs to be EVERYWHERE, just like regular Dew! MAKE IT SO! :yes:

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Coca-Cola;

You may have those nifty Coca-Cola Freestyle machines, with like a gajillion flavors, but you do not yet have a Mello-Yello equivalent of Mountain Dew Kickstart. That should change. NOW!

Just a suggestion. ;)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Becks;

http://i43.tinypic.com/29auxhc.jpg

--Your Friendly Neighborhood Ring-Slinger

Food Lady
08-05-2016, 11:49 PM
^ It amuses me that you capitalized Sugars and Total Carbs. Yes, they are important. :D

catcul
08-29-2016, 09:56 PM
Dear knee,

Why are you so swollen? I can barely walk.

Sincerely,

Catcul

Seanette
08-30-2016, 03:13 AM
"Dear" uterus:

STOP IT!!! We are NOT due for the cramps and such for a couple more weeks. Aching and twinging is NOT called for.

Really looking forward to being done with you after menopause.

Your hostess

Food Lady
08-30-2016, 03:33 PM
Dear lower back: I thought the pain was gone, but here you go again. I can't be dealing with this when I start training and have to be there at 8:00 am. I can't be waiting around for the meds to work! I guess I'm going to have to take the opiate every morning now. *sigh*

mjr
08-30-2016, 04:42 PM
Dear Guy At Work Who Wants Us To Fill Out An Assessment And Attach Our Names To It:

No. The entire team is uncomfortable with doing this. NONE of them want to! And who is the "we" you mention in your email? People up here have a distrust of management as it is, and many of us view this as a way to either cut individuals and/or teams.

We had come to the decision that we were going to do this anonymously, but no, you had to pull me aside and tell me that it's "the point" to have our names attached.

People are going to LIE on this thing if you have us put our names to it. That's the bottom line.

Thankfully, it seems like a co-worker has somewhat brought you to your senses.

Jack T. Chance
09-09-2016, 07:37 PM
Dear You Know Who You Are;

http://i66.tinypic.com/qqbcph.jpg

..and you let me go anyway. I guess you really weren't any better than the "idiots" before you, after all. :no:




P.S. I still can't believe it's already been 4 years. FML. :blink:

mjr
09-19-2016, 01:48 PM
Dear Traffic this morning:

WHY?! WHY?!

WHYYYYYYYYYYYY?!!

Why did you make my drive as difficult as it was?! ONE HOUR to get to the office, when it should only take me about 35 or 40!

WHY?! I lost my patience in my car because of you!

That is all.

Jack T. Chance
09-24-2016, 09:17 PM
Dear Traffic this morning:

WHY?! WHY?!

WHYYYYYYYYYYYY?!!

Why did you make my drive as difficult as it was?! ONE HOUR to get to the office, when it should only take me about 35 or 40!

WHY?! I lost my patience in my car because of you!

That is all.
Dear mjr;

When in doubt, look for license plates from Virginia and/or Florida, then blame them, 'cuz everyone knows Virginians and Floridians can't drive for crap, and thus they cause traffic jams everywhere they go! :rant:

--Jack

wolfie
09-24-2016, 11:30 PM
When in doubt, look for license plates from Virginia and/or Florida, then blame them, 'cuz everyone knows Virginians and Floridians can't drive for crap, and thus they cause traffic jams everywhere they go!

Back when I was growing up in B.C., the standard joke was a tourist commenting "Isn't it great that you make all the really bad drivers put yellow license plates on their cars?". At the time, Alberta had yellow license plates (B.C. couldn't make up its mind between white on blue, and blue on white).

Sakka
10-04-2016, 05:08 AM
Back when I was growing up in B.C., the standard joke was a tourist commenting "Isn't it great that you make all the really bad drivers put yellow license plates on their cars?". At the time, Alberta had yellow license plates (B.C. couldn't make up its mind between white on blue, and blue on white).

Now Alberta uses red on white for licenses, BC is blue on white (or blue on blue depending on the issuing year. Never seen a white on blue plate.)
Drivers on the first part of the graduated license must have a red L magnet on the back of the vehicle. I've always wondered if the fact that it looks similar to the Alberta license plates was coincidence.

wolfie
10-04-2016, 07:15 AM
Never seen a white on blue plate.

You must be a young'n - IIRC, white on blue was back in the early '70s.

Drivers on the first part of the graduated license must have a red L magnet on the back of the vehicle.

Does this mean that in B.C., beginners aren't allowed to drive Saturns (polymer body panels), Grand Cherokees (fiberglass tailgate), or any other vehicle with a non-steel vertical surface at the rear?

catcul
10-05-2016, 05:39 PM
Dear Hurricane Matthew,

Go away.

Sincerely,

Catcul

DGoddessChardonnay
10-06-2016, 02:24 AM
Dear Little Jerk Off who hit our car yesterday-

You are not a human being. You are a scared little boy. A man owns up to his mistakes and you made a HUGE one by not only stopping when you saw us coming and hitting our car, but by running away from the scene as you did, you have now committed a felony offense.

Not to mention you have damaged the only means of transportation my family has to rely on. My mother has mobility issues, rendering her in a wheelchair when she's not in the car, which she drives to take her only daughter back and forth to work, who by the way is now the sole support of the family which includes a special needs son since the lady driving isn't able to work anymore.

We are hoping that the result of this incident doesn't end up in our car being totaled out. We simply cannot afford a car payment like the owner of the car you were driving (whether it was your mom's, grandmother's, girlfriends' mom's car, whomever - it doesn't matter) obviously can. Not to mention you have not only damaged that woman' vehicle (which I'm sure she works hard to pay for, since it's a 2016 and she's most likely making payments on and those payments aren't cheap) you have caused her insurance rates to increase b/c of your actions. Not to mention her license will incur points b/c she let someone else drive her car.

If I were that woman whose car you were driving, I'd hand you over to the police myself b/f I changed my mind and killed you w/my bare hands. :rant:

Sincerely
DGoddessChardonnay

Sakka
10-06-2016, 03:52 AM
You must be a young'n - IIRC, white on blue was back in the early '70s.

That was before my time, yes.
The plates that I really hate in BC were for the Olympics, differing shades of blue on blue. Add in a decal for Vancouver, Olympic logo, etc, and they were a nightmare to read unless I was dangerously close while driving.


Does this mean that in B.C., beginners aren't allowed to drive Saturns (polymer body panels), Grand Cherokees (fiberglass tailgate), or any other vehicle with a non-steel vertical surface at the rear?

If the decal won't stick or was in a hard to see spot, there was a sticker bag that would go in the rear window that the decal would sit in.

Food Lady
10-08-2016, 01:49 AM
DGoddess, words fail me. I just can't even... I hope he gets taught a lesson!

Becks
10-18-2016, 06:40 PM
Dear feet,

Stop hurting.

Dear hair,

Grow longer.

Dear face,

Stop breaking out.

Dear self,

Start sleeping.

Becks
10-24-2016, 02:57 PM
Dear R,

I don't know what message you're trying to send from the great beyond, but I'd like it if you could make it a little clearer.

I mean, 2015? :wtf: That was just a normal year for us.

I miss you.

Love,

me

catcul
10-24-2016, 06:42 PM
Dear ladies in the office,

Why are the tall ladies wearing heels while the short ones are wearing flats? :headscratch:

Food Lady
10-30-2016, 05:11 PM
Dear Friend: Look, I do know you're trying to help, but it's unsolicited advice about a condition you don't have. Yes, I know our pain levels are similar and yours is in your arm, too. But yours is muscular, I'm betting. I know that because I asked you which disk space you are having trouble with and you didn't know.
And you talked about us being middle-aged and how we need to exercise. OK, mine has nothing to do with exercising muscles; it's a DEFECT in my spine. It's bones in the wrong place and it's not a middle-aged condition. I've had it since CHILDHOOD. So when people tell me how to stretch or what to do, I feel a bit offended. I do stretch. I do traction (which may have moved something incorrectly, actually, and have caused this). None of that helps, frankly, because the issue is with a NERVE, not muscles. Yeah, I can try to have the muscles move the bone up off that disk, but it's only going to be a limited effectiveness.
And speaking of that, when I tell you I don't have time to go to the chiropractor, don't give me a list of all the things you do every week. We work exactly the same number of hours but you can do all that extra because you have a wife to take care of the everyday stuff. I work as much as you and her combined because I do that in my household.

Bottom line: my telling someone about something that's happening to me doesn't mean they have all the answers or that I want advice outside what my doctor says. Telling me "I'm not trying to tell you what to do" and then doing that is frustrating me. But I do know it's out of love, so I am going to let it go as much as I can and continue to consult my doctor.

ETA: I looked up treatment and advice on my specific current condition and it says *not* to exercise until it's healed because it will irritate the nerve even more. That would be why I was in so much pain yesterday morning. I worked a full 8 at the retail job Saturday.

Becks
11-01-2016, 04:06 PM
Dear former day job,

I'm glad I'm done with you.

Dancing with glee,

myself

darkroxas45
11-04-2016, 05:29 AM
Dear mjr;

When in doubt, look for license plates from Virginia and/or Florida, then blame them, 'cuz everyone knows Virginians and Floridians can't drive for crap, and thus they cause traffic jams everywhere they go! :rant:

--Jack
Only the old ones. I drive well and only occasionally like a bat out of hell but haven't had an accident in a couple years

Becks
11-06-2016, 12:08 AM
Dear R.,

Same thing as every day for the past 3+ months.

*sigh*

Love,

me

Food Lady
11-06-2016, 04:00 AM
Dear Body: I don't have time for this. In August it was a thoracic issue that sent me to the ER. Then more of that in September, on top of a stomach virus or maybe food poisoning. The past 2 weeks it's a nerve problem I can't fix. I've been in agony. You are making it hard for me to do my job. I can't feel the outside of my hand. Look, I follow the rules. I do traction. I don't lift stuff. I take my anti-inflammatories. I can deal with daily pain. I can't deal with it disrupting my life and threatening my livelihood. I don't want to go on disability. I will never get my debts paid that way.

Food Lady
11-06-2016, 04:02 AM
And BTW, I'm not going to enjoy the bill for the urgent care.

Becks
01-02-2017, 03:44 PM
Dear R.,

This is the first time in years that I didn't wish you the blessings of the season.
This is the first time in years that I didn't find something you barely knew you wanted for Christmas.
This is the first time in years call you on New Year's Eve so we could celebrate through both time zones.

This is hard.

Love always,

do aingeal

Dreamstalker
01-20-2017, 09:55 PM
Dear mom:

Changing the credit card password because your computer has problems with the site (you know this and I have fixed it for you many times, I don't know why the problem persists) is not the way to access it. Now I had to call in a payment on the due date--that had better post correctly--and have to change my password vault (not easy) :mad:
(Technically that could fall under unauthorized use. Would you do this if you forgot the login for the corporate card at your job? I'd think not)

Also, I've asked you to read one of my books on the Snowden incident only because I'd like you to make an effort to understand things beyond "he's a traitor and Assange told him to do it". This coming from someone who always drills into my head that I should get all sides of an issue before passing judgement.

Food Lady
01-22-2017, 07:15 AM
Dear Neck: please stop giving me headaches. I can't function when the right side of my head is in a vise and the headache gnomes are shoving a blunt object behind my eye. (I apologize if it's not you causing this, dear neck, but I need to place blame.)

Becks
01-24-2017, 03:44 PM
Mo bhrionglóid,

It's been a long, horrible six months.

I sense you daily.

I miss you more than words can express.

All my love,

Becca

Food Lady
06-08-2017, 06:44 AM
Dear control freaks of the world: human beings have emotions and that's not wrong. They're allowed to have regrets. They're allowed to be upset. They're allowed to be angry or sad or frustrated. They're even allowed to express that as long as they aren't abusing you. Just stop it already. Stop minimizing and dismissing their feelings. Stop telling them how to feel. If you are trying to help and it isn't working or your advice isn't accepted, walk away. It's as bad as ordering a stranger to smile or telling someone you've never seen before that "It can't be that bad." It doesn't matter if you know the person; it's the same thing. You are not in control of other people's thoughts, period.

Dreamstalker
07-17-2017, 09:43 PM
Dear mom:

Thank you for (not) mailing my student loan IBR application as I asked you three weeks ago and not telling me; I found the envelope just now under a pile of my papers. You know I don't go by a post office on my way to work and you promised to mail it for me when I first filled it out; I can't just drop it in a box as I don't know the postage and I'd like proof of mailing. Now I have to pay for overnight mail and add a letter begging them to accept it a day or so late. Mail to NM isn't like mail to the rest of the east coast sometimes; I've had even Express things get delayed/rerouted/lost.

I know every once in awhile you seem to think I'm 10 and 'need to do things for myself', but come on you know the situation here.

------------------------------

Dear SCs/SCWs:

The next person who grabs my moving grocery cart to shove it away from them will get hit. That is all.

Zellie Crescent
07-18-2017, 12:53 AM
Dear YouTube,

Please fix your fucking spambot problem I don't want to have to keep dealing with this bullshit every day.

Patiently waiting, SMc

Dreamstalker
08-30-2017, 02:53 AM
Dear mom:

Murphy's been dead how long and we still haven't gotten the rug in front of my chair cleaned? I physically cannot sit in there now when the smell starts coming up. It's probably ruined the rug, rug pad and gotten to the floor as well (kiss the damage deposit goodbye if we ever move).

Dreamstalker
09-13-2017, 12:42 PM
Dear mom:

I don't think the Amtrak automated system was designed to work optimally on speakerphone...especially not when you have the radio turned up in the background and you're yelling at it with the handset sitting on the table.

Food Lady
01-03-2018, 03:19 AM
Dear Apartment Manager: I can't make repair requests for the neighbors?* Well, I can and I just did. Your telling me people do it because of the cold weather is beside the point. I already said that in an email. I was trying to be gracious. But you know what? They do it all the time, no matter the weather. As far as having patience with that: I'm fresh out. I'm done with this place. I'm sure you'll find some jobless insomniac to fill my spot.

*I requested their door be fixed so they can stop slamming it.

Food Lady
01-03-2018, 03:21 AM
Dear control freaks of the world: human beings have emotions and that's not wrong. They're allowed to have regrets. They're allowed to be upset. They're allowed to be angry or sad or frustrated. They're even allowed to express that as long as they aren't abusing you. Just stop it already. Stop minimizing and dismissing their feelings. Stop telling them how to feel. If you are trying to help and it isn't working or your advice isn't accepted, walk away. It's as bad as ordering a stranger to smile or telling someone you've never seen before that "It can't be that bad." It doesn't matter if you know the person; it's the same thing. You are not in control of other people's thoughts, period.
Wow, I posted this in June and I could've said it to my family over Christmas!

Mental_Mouse
01-03-2018, 10:36 AM
Forum weirdness: This thread shows up to page 425, with Food Lady's latest at the end. The navigation bar shows links for two more pages (426 and 427), but clicking on either of those just takes you back here.

I've seen one spurious page link on that list before, and assumed it represented "this page is full, new comment will go on the next page". But two of them is new...

dalesys
01-03-2018, 01:33 PM
The page count includes deleted posts in it's calculation.

(Helpful hint, prevents spurious unread post flag: If you double-post the same thing, delete the *first* one.)

Food Lady
01-15-2018, 05:59 AM
Dear neighbor whose apartment is directly across from mine: I see that you are often up as late as me. And I never hear a peep out of you. I never have to call the police on you in the middle of the night for noise. You don't pull up in a ghettomobile blasting ungodly bass at 1:00 am. I wish we could clone you and put them in all the units in that building. I don't know you, but I might love you. Also, you should know you're hot.

Food Lady
05-20-2018, 09:12 PM
Dear Landlord I'm Glad I Don't Rent From:

I just saw your ad and no I'm not OK with this--

Applicant(s) will need to show proof that their income is three (3) times the rent and utilities. For this unit that would mean a net monthly income of at least $3000.00.
Proof of income can be Your last four (4) pay stubs our last pay stub and last year's tax return. If self-employed, last two years' tax returns will be required
<snip>
You will be denied if in the last ten (10) years anyone has had to start an eviction process against you, or filings against you for financial delinquency.
You will be denied if you have any judgments in last (7) seven years, or late payments in the last five (5) years.

First of all, it's generally accepted that it's 3 times the GROSS income. I have that. Secondly, I have a garnishment right now and I can *still* afford the $675 rent very easily. In fact, for the last 7 or 8 years I made half the money I do now (or less) and I have never not paid the rent, not one time. It always gets paid, no matter what, even that month I was working 9 hours a week.
You want someone who makes $3,000 net income for a $675 rent? Honey, I just qualified for a unit that was $730 minimum. I just didn't happen to take it for logistical reasons. You are out of your mind and I suspect you're the same dude I emailed a few months ago. I definitely don't want you as a landlord.

Food Lady
05-22-2018, 02:04 PM
Dear management: I can't take this anymore. You are contributing to the noise. I get why you want the lawn mowed: you're afraid of bugs. You've said that. However, he's on a riding mower. It shouldn't take him this long. The only reason it does is that you make him go over each section over and over. Can't let that blade stick up 1/4" more than the others! Come ON! It's not that serious. This is one thing y'all can do halfway for the sake of quiet. And you'll make him go back out there 3 days from now which is totally unnecessary. Please focus your attention on bad tenants, not punishing the lawn for growing.

darkroxas45
06-12-2018, 05:35 PM
Dear Sunpass, SCREW OFF WITH ADDING TOLL BOOTHS TO I4!!!! Bad enough I can't afford gas to go to work, don't need another stupid toll on the only route without them.
F.O.,
Darkroxas45

catcul
07-27-2018, 09:50 PM
Dear Pandora,

How many times do I have to thumbs down a song before you quit playing it for me?

I've had to reject Calling Out by Sophie Lloyd 5 times. FIVE TIMES. :hairpull: Quit trying to shove that song down my throat. I think that song sounds terrible, and I don't want to listen to it anymore. :burnup::banghead::headdesk::rage:

Sincerely,

Catcul

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Dear Sophie Lloyd,

I may have been let my frustrations with Pandora get the better of me. I think you're a skilled guitarist, but I still hate Calling Out.

Sincerely,

Catcul