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Evil Queen
05-11-2008, 11:40 PM
Dear S,

I'm so sorry for everything I have ever said or done to you. Yes, I'm sure I'll rot in hell and that may or may not make you happy... But I'm your friend and I'm sorry.

-EQ

Amethyst Hunter
05-12-2008, 01:48 AM
Dear Mysty,

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

--

Dear Devil Moth,

Come fly vith me to zee Casbah. Vee shall make zee beautiful devil spawn insectoids, yes?

Sincerely, Devil Beetle found on the pile of laundry by Amethyst Hunter (No lie - I went downstairs late last night and the sucker was as big as the first two joints on my pinky finger. I think it was one of those stag beetle types with the huge pincers.)

the_std
05-12-2008, 04:05 AM
Dear D,

DO NOT IGNORE MY VEINS!!!!

Love,
(A Very Obsessed) Me

MystyGlyttyr
05-12-2008, 01:04 PM
Dear Umingmaq and Amethyst

Thankies for the well wishes. I'm better now YAY. Fortunately, my periods are unbelievably short (two days, three tops) but the trade-off is that I go just a tiny bit insane during the first day.

I mean moreso than usual.

I actually cornered the poor photographer yesterday to try and make him go buy me a cheeseburger. I'll have to apologize if he comes within twenty feet of me today.

Heh.

Mysty

protege
05-12-2008, 05:10 PM
Dear Elspeth,

About baseball...it could be worse! I'm a Pirates fan...and our team sucks. So much, that they haven't been to the playoffs since 1993, our last World Series pennant was in '79 (:eek:), not to mention losing 100 games in 2001! As such, the team tends to get ignored by most sports fans in Pittsburgh. Can't say I blame them, since the team has been called the worst sports franchise ever by one of the magazines :rolleyes:

--Pro

Elspeth
05-12-2008, 08:17 PM
Dear Protege:

Ok you have it worse. I just want to end the season above the Rangers! At least we won on Sunday. :roll:

Elspeth

Shangri-laschild
05-12-2008, 09:50 PM
Dear phone company

Thank you for expressing your wishes that I not microwave my new cell phone. Before today I didn't know that it could possibly make my battery explode. This is mostly because I never would have even put any thought towards what would happen in that situation. Admittedly, now I am curious as to what on earth that would look like and how big of an explosion it would be. Sadly, I'll just have to keep not knowing.

Still curious,
Me

Mom,

When I tell you I have no voice mail set up please believe me instead of insisting on calling me back to make sure. I've already checked and been made aware of it. It doesn't just set itself up.

Love,
your favorite daughter

RetailWorkhorse
05-13-2008, 03:04 AM
Dear phone company

Thank you for expressing your wishes that I not microwave my new cell phone. Before today I didn't know that it could possibly make my battery explode. This is mostly because I never would have even put any thought towards what would happen in that situation. Admittedly, now I am curious as to what on earth that would look like and how big of an explosion it would be. Sadly, I'll just have to keep not knowing.

Still curious,
Me

Dear Shangri-la,

Dudette, you just gave me a GREAT (horrible) Idea.

-RW

Shangri-laschild
05-13-2008, 03:08 AM
Dear RetailWorkhorse

If you supply the microwave, I've got a phone :D

-Shangri-laschild

TequilaSunrise
05-13-2008, 03:11 AM
Dear Irv:

How 'bout them Marlins?

:D

With love,
A Marlins fan

monolayth
05-13-2008, 03:14 AM
Dear Shangri,

I want video

Curious as well,

Monolayth

Evil Queen
05-13-2008, 03:15 AM
Dear Shangra-la,

You did it now. I'm not cleaning up the mess.

RetailWorkhorse's sibling,
-EQ

Shangri-laschild
05-13-2008, 03:24 AM
Dear monolayth,

Of course!

Shangri-laschild



Dear Evil Queen,

Having to clean up the mess is so worth it for a big enough boom.

Shangri-laschild

Becks
05-13-2008, 03:44 AM
Dear TequilaSunrise,

Grrrrrrrrrrrr.

:p

--another Brewers fan

Evil Queen
05-13-2008, 03:45 AM
Dear Shangri-la,

Then I would like a link to the vedio as well. :D It would make our mother so proud. (Seriously, I think it would.)

-EQ

CaroPhoenix
05-13-2008, 05:11 PM
Dear Plumber,

I am now $676.75 poorer. However, I now do have a disposal that doesn't gush water everywhere when I use it and I got a brand spanking new faucet too! However, why is labor $325??? I understand the privilege of having you come out and do the dirty work, but $325? Now I want to go back to school to be a plumber just to make that type of money.

Thank you,
A grateful homeowner,
IDaR

-------------------------------------------
Dear Husband,

We will be eating in for the next couple of months because of this expense. And if your family doesn't like the fact we can't contribute a lot of $$ to your mother's birthday fiasco, err, dinner, then you know what? They can bite my shiny metal a$$.

Your Loving Wife who is not a fan of your family at all,
IDaR

Saydrah
05-13-2008, 06:32 PM
Dear Life,

You suck this week.

-:(


Dear Anniversary,

Stop coinciding with sad shit, huh?

-Not Celebrating


Dear Doxycycline, Enroflaxin, Azithromycin, and nebulization,

WORK DAMN YOU!

-Sad Rat Mom


Dear Lucky Soap,

I know you helped me get this job and helped my brother and his fiancee both sell their houses in a crappy market, but do you have one more miracle in you? My SO doesn't need to lose his favorite rat right now. He's already losing his grandfather slowly.

-Hope for Soap


Dear Paycheck,

I don't mind spending most of you on my animals. That's part of pet ownership. But if you could just double this month, somehow, that would be really, really nice. $500 of vet bills is interfering with my plans to go to Pennsylvania and get my new foundation doe!

-Where's That Stimulus?



Dear Awesome Coworker,

Damn, it's pretty sweet you got into that grad program and can be closer to your girl! I'm going to really miss you, though.

-Pouting Coworker



Dear Ember,

Thank you for always being there when I need you. I might have saved your life once when I pulled you out of that kill auction in Pennsylvania without ever meeting you, and got you the knee surgery you needed, but you've saved my life and sanity so many times since then. Good karma does exist, and it has carrot breath.

-Bringer of Carrots

daleduke17
05-13-2008, 06:53 PM
Dear Irv:

How 'bout them Marlins?

:D

With love,
A Marlins fan

Dear Florida Marlins -

Thank you for throwing in Mike Lowell when the Red Sox acquired Josh Beckett. They are both kicking ass.

Signed,
A Red Sox fan.

iradney
05-13-2008, 08:05 PM
Dear batter recipe

Thanks for turning out so well. Not only did I batter some fish, I made some awesome cinnamon dumplings as well!
Now I'm stuffed

love
rads

crazylegs
05-13-2008, 08:06 PM
Dear Rads,

Any leftovers? :D

Crazylegs

iradney
05-13-2008, 08:25 PM
Dear CL (aka Pooks)

Alas, no :( But fly on down next time I make em, I'll keep some warm for you :D

rads

Tanasi
05-13-2008, 08:48 PM
Dear Idiot in the Lexus,
Just because traffic law doesn't extend to parking lots, it still doesn't mean you can drive all willy-nilly just because you want to. Those lines are painted on the asphault for a reason, you're supposed to stay within them not drive across them because that could cause a collision. Now I have a crunched passenger door and running board and you have a crunched front end. It tickled me that your air-bags went off and that will probably be just enough to total your car. Maybe just maybe if you'd take that phone out of you ear you could pay enough attention to your driving to avoid causing collisions but then again that would be asking too much. And another thing I'm not going to use your husband's guy to fix my truck, I'll get my own estimates and then your insurance can pay off based on that and I'll do the work myself and pocket a big chuck of cash can you say new tires?
When your husband calls later I'm going to suggest he paint "Stupid Driver" on your car as a warning to other motorists.

T


Dear FIL,
Your DSL going down doesn't consititute an emergency. Don't call me call BellSouth or whatever they're calling themselves these days. I have no way of checking online to see what's wrong, I can only do that for my customers and since you're not a customer... well you do the math.

Your SIL,


Dear Mom and MIL,
The next time you check Zellie out of school without my or my wife's permission will be the last time you will be able to see that child unsupervised. Jimmy and Robby called in a panic when they couldn't find their little sister, and since I didn't know and the wife didn't know well I hope you understand our feelings.
I know you didn't mean any harm but you did cause some harm, and Mom as you so often told me "Think before you do."

T


Dear Zellie,
Honey I know I've told you time and time again to obey Grand-Mommy and Nanna just like you do me and Mommy but if you're leaving school make sure that Robby and Jimmy know you're leaving. They were scared half to death when they couldn't find you after school. Also if Mommy or I didn't tell you before school that Grand-Mommy, Nanna, or Papaw is going to check you out early then also call me and Mommy. I'm not blaming you for anything just do as Daddy asks. OK sweetie you can go back to playing with your rabbits.

Your Daddy,


Dear Robby and Jimmy,
Now I know I've raised you right, you thought more of your sister's welfare than your own and I'm proud of my boys. Jimmy when you leave for school in a few months I'll miss you more than you can know but you're following in your old man's and both grandfather's footsteps and will be the 9th generation to serve in the armed forces.

You Dad,

crazylegs
05-13-2008, 08:54 PM
Dear Bloues

Next time I'm there, I'll take you up on it! :lol:

Pooks.

flyinghi
05-13-2008, 09:27 PM
Dear Roomate

You re the best roomate I've had and I love ya. I'm sorry you re out of work I know How tough it can be on someone But if you don't clean up your act and stop drinking yourself stupid and think it's perfectly alright and funny to be hung the fuck over and lazy all the next day I'm going to be forced to look for another roomate and kick your alcoholic ass out


I'll be damned if I walk away from this sweet apartment because of your asshatery

yours truly

flyinghi

Becks
05-14-2008, 12:00 AM
Dear USPS,

Where the hell is my package from my sister? She was told it would get here in 5 or 6 days...and she sent it on May 5th.

Trying to be patient,

Becky

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear FoH,

How come my shopping bag/cart had four items before I checked out, but only three after I paid? The 4th item was in stock. I want those panties, damn it, but I don't feel like paying another $11 for unnecessary shipping.

Not happy,

Becky

TequilaSunrise
05-14-2008, 04:06 AM
Dear Florida Marlins -

Thank you for throwing in Mike Lowell when the Red Sox acquired Josh Beckett. They are both kicking ass.

Signed,
A Red Sox fan.


Dear Red Sox fan-

I'm glad you like them, I wish them all the success in the world. While I will love them until the end of time, I can't thank you enough for Hanley Ramirez! Everybody wins! YAY!
Now kill the stinkin' Yankees, please. :D

With love,
Marlins fan

TequilaSunrise
05-14-2008, 04:15 AM
Dear Bubba,

ThankyouthankyouTHANKYOU for teaching D that move. I'm forever in your debt.

With lots of love and respect,
A grateful listener and fan

CaroPhoenix
05-14-2008, 05:57 AM
Child,

1 o'clock in the AM is NOT the time to be getting up out of bed just to watch TV. 1 o'clock in the AM is when you should be sleeping. It's when I should be sleeping. I'm not happy.

Tired Mommy,
IDaR

draftermatt
05-14-2008, 11:28 AM
Dear Florida Marlins -

Thank you for throwing in Mike Lowell when the Red Sox acquired Josh Beckett. They are both kicking ass.

Signed,
A Red Sox fan.

Dear Red Sox Fans,

How'd you like Luke Scott's 3 run homer off Beckett last night?

And (not directed at you daleduke) when leaving the ball park, please remember you are in Baltimore and surrounded by Orioles fans, so maybe saying "Well let them have this win, they're not going to get them later" is a little stupid dontcha think? If it hadn't been for the 2 errors in the top of the first then that's 2 runs the Sox wouldn't have got. Keep in mind, it's our house, you're welcome to visit and cheer for your team, but respect our house.

Signed,

An O's Fan.

ArenaBoy
05-14-2008, 06:50 PM
Dear Paint Inhaling Sewer Spewing Moron Who Sits Next to me in class,

SHUT THE HELL UP! By all that is holy to Wotan you are an annoying prick. Look, it's understandable that you want to ask some questions but when it gets to a point that you're getting into arguments with the professor every two minutes it makes me want to hit you with something. If I have to deal with this for the next five weeks I'm going to lose it. So just SHUT THE HELL UP! If worse comes to worse I'll tell the judge "Constant talker."

An angry student.

CaroPhoenix
05-14-2008, 06:56 PM
Please my beloved daughter,

Do not get naked at Grandma & Grandpa's house this weekend. Please. Please. Please! It's cute (semi) at home, but anywhere else, it's embarrassing.

Also, if you want to cling to my leg the entire time you're at their house, please do so so we can guilt Daddy into forcing his folks up to our house instead of making me pack clothing for an over night stay for the 3 of us, remembering mine & daddy's breathing machines (we've both got sleep apnea) and remembering bottled water for our humidifiers, and remembering to bring juice and food that you (Kelly) will like to eat.

Exhausted just thinking about it,
Your Mommy,
IDaR

Trayol
05-14-2008, 11:45 PM
Dear University,

I'm free from your evil grasp. You could never hold on to me. HAhahahahahaahahahaaha.

Alas, I must see you next Fall. How short lived this will be.

Til then, FREEDOM!!
Trayol

MystyGlyttyr
05-15-2008, 03:36 PM
Dear Jackass on the phone this morning,

PRAY I do not find you. I will teach you new definitions for the word PAIN. Because...

Facts About Mysty
Mysty has family who is very good at looking the other way.
Mysty has family who know how to trace a phone call.
Mysty can track you by your phone number regardless of whether or not you're listed.
Mysty has known about forensics since before CSI dreamt of existing.
Mysty lives on about 20 acres of undeveloped swamp and woods.
Mysty knows how to hide a body.

Keep it in mind next time you want to call me and act a fool.

Pissed off,
Mysty

CaroPhoenix
05-15-2008, 04:50 PM
Dear Mysty,

Remind me never to piss you off either in person or on the phone.

A very scared,
IDaR

Becks
05-16-2008, 03:12 AM
Dear bra straps,

STAY UP, DAMN IT.

Unhappily,

me

Evil Queen
05-16-2008, 03:21 AM
Dear Mysty,

Employ my help for shits and giggles and I'll be a very happy girl. :devil:

-EQ

Saydrah
05-16-2008, 05:52 PM
Dear Hips and Back,

Please stop hurting. The chiropractor is a long drive away.

-Ouch!

CorDarei
05-16-2008, 06:53 PM
Dear Tx Rangers,

why the hell can't you get good pitching. Why is it everytime a pitcher leaves you, he becomes a million times better? I would like to see us actually win a world series in my lifetime.

Thanks,

A Disenfranchised Cor Darei.

----

Dear Versus Tv,

I hate your hockey play-by-play announcers. Can they BE anymore for Detroit? Maybe that's why they don't do a cut scene to them, because they're wearing redwing jersey's.

P.S. GO STARS! i'm glad you won that last game, it was an exciting one.
P.P.S. Turco... see it is possible to stop shots from Detriot shooters. You can do it! don't puss out like you normally do.

Thanks,
Cor Darei

---

Dear Beer,

I'm looking forward to our meetings this weekend. I suspect they will be long and fruitful.

Cor

monolayth
05-16-2008, 07:15 PM
Dear local ren group,

Could you get it together sometime? Ok I will settle for just trying to do so. There should be no reason for me( a person who is not a member) to be begged to come and help you out for the faire. ( My job it to be scenery....look pretty and all)


Lots of laughs,

The one who knows what she is doing.

iradney
05-16-2008, 07:51 PM
Dear calves

Please stop hurting. I'm going to gym tomorrow whether you like it or not!

rads

Evil Queen
05-16-2008, 09:30 PM
Dear Boss,

Yes, I told some random guy that you where a jerk but he agreed with me! Dammit, why the hell did he have to tell you I said you where a jerk! Now I have a warning in my permante folder...

Dear Jerk With The SPeech Impediment,

I did NOT tell you you where mumbling you lieing sack of :censored:! Thanks to you I now have TWO warnings in my permanate file! :censored: you!

Extreamly mad,
-EQ

Becks
05-17-2008, 02:58 AM
Dear watch battery,

I do not thank you for dying. At 9:30 and I work until 10. Well, that wouldn't be so bad if the store actually sold the type of replacement battery I need.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Heh,

Becky

Dreamstalker
05-17-2008, 04:02 AM
Dear Ex:

STOP flooding my assorted phones and other lines of communication (how the F%$@ did you get my mom's email anyway?). You're the one who thinks there's still a relationship to salvage. You know why I'm not talking to you: every attempt at rational discourse turns into "you don't agree with me" and related weak comparisons with Communism (if you think I'm a Communist, then please do explain which type I subscribe to and why), the Nazi party, etc. Yeah I don't agree with a lot of your whacked-out views. A normal person would accept that and not try to goad the other party. Yeah, I know you think the whole of New England is a giant nanny state. I happen to like it here.

BTW, if you plan to engage in borderline stalker behavior, it might be wise to make sure the target does not have all your information.


--------------------------------------------

Dear Comcast:

Please go back to normal grace periods on my bill. I've only ever missed one payment a year ago and always paid on-time since, now by the time I receive a bill I only have 2 days to get a check from here to NJ.

----------------------------------

Dear Citibank:

See above.

ArenaBoy
05-17-2008, 05:39 AM
Dear me,

Get a job. What's your motivation you ask? How bout the fact that Mudhoney is coming here on the 2nd, Derek Trucks coming to the jazz festival (Why didn't you go last year?!), and the fact that Stereolab is coming here in October. You also need to do something besides just running and reading.

Regards, moi.

PS. CFC, please win the Champions League.

draftermatt
05-17-2008, 11:11 AM
Dear Comcast:

Please go back to normal grace periods on my bill. I've only ever missed one payment a year ago and always paid on-time since, now by the time I receive a bill I only have 2 days to get a check from here to NJ.


Dear Dreamstalker,

I've been getting stuff like that too, and honestly I think they are doing it on purpose to force everyone to go to online billing.

Matt

the_std
05-17-2008, 04:04 PM
Dear Trees and Plants and Stuff,

I love you all very much, and the city is so much prettier now that you've all started blooming and leafing and growing, but...

Do you have to start releasing your air-born sex dust already? I mean, did the (relatively short) winter leave you that pent-up?

I guess my sinuses and stuff will just have to put up with the spermicidal assault because you couldn't keep your stamens closed.

Argh,
Me.

CaroPhoenix
05-17-2008, 04:13 PM
Dear Kitten Heeled Shoes,

Please stop hurting my feet. :cry: I'm not allowed to go barefoot in front of customers.

Achingly,
IDaR

Evil Queen
05-17-2008, 04:38 PM
Dear Work,

Please go smoothly with no problems today and PLEASE let me have more then three arrivals today! An even dozen would be nice!
Also, i'll bet you would do better if you:
--Advertized
--Moved the sign so it's more easily seen from the highway
--Gave guests better incentive to stay
--Dropped the rate by at least $10 a night (105$ is a little high for a 2 and a half star hotel)
--Got a newer computer (and, thusly, faster so I could check in guests faster)
--And, possibly, had a better "arrival gift" then a freaking bottle of water and a piece of nasty chocolate candy.
But then, that's just me and I'm a guest in a couple hotels too. I like little minor freebees. It makes me want to think that the franchise actually likes my business.

-EQ

Dear CS board,

I'm told that my boss will be pulling away from the franchise and renaming the hotel to coincide with another, cheaper, hotel. If he does, I'll be perfectly capable of telling you the name of the hotel I work at (but not the new name) so you can avoid it like the plague.
Either that or visit me and get a cheap discounted rate (freinds and family rate, my dears! :D)

-EQ


Dear Bed,
I'm going to take a nap in you before work. Please don't let me sleep through the alarm.
Sleepy still,
-EQ

TruthHurts
05-17-2008, 10:05 PM
Dear Roomie,

Being behind on rent and not working is annoying enough. Having the audacity to ask us for a loan is just ludicrous. Get a job ASAP.

TH

Irving Patrick Freleigh
05-18-2008, 12:10 AM
Dear the_std:

I sympathize. As somebody who's nose is permanently running and head is plugged up from the daily tree and plant bukkake raids, I know what you're going through.

Now where the hell's my Kleenex?

sniffle sniffle sneeze,
Irv

ArenaBoy
05-18-2008, 03:02 AM
Dear State of Michigan,

You and your construction happiness have truly proved that you can be a nightmare. You are probably ruing the fact that I was able to make it to the wedding on time but construction and you are a headache and a boot to the teeth.

Dear C,

It was good to see you again. You did great for the speech.

Dear A,

I cannot believe that not too long ago you were yelling at your younger siblings (Who'd have thought that your sister and I would be best friends?) for harassing me and now you're getting married. Goodness I feel old. Best of luck to you.

Love, Arenaboy.

Evil Queen
05-18-2008, 03:11 AM
Dear Time,

Can I go home yet? I'm terribly bored at work and I'd much rather spend this time at home making dinner.

-EQ

monolayth
05-18-2008, 03:29 AM
Dear people who are going to read my latest blog on myspace,

Yeah I was venting. And it needed to be said. Don't give me too much sh*& over it please. Cuz honestly I have had it and am done. Don't think I wont drop you if you get too upset.

Happily vented,

Monolayth

Bella_Vixen
05-18-2008, 03:58 AM
Dear Sun--

I do NOT in any way thank you for shining today. I now have a sunburn on my incredibly (not so) pale (anymore) skin.


You suck.

--Me

************************************************** **********

Dear Incredibly Pale Skin--

Please don't hurt too much. I know this is the first time you've been exposed to that much sun in something like 10 years, but please take it easy on me. I don't get another day off to relax until Friday.

Pleadingly,

--Me

************************************************** *************

Dear fave local cover band®--

When did you start playing such craptacular songs?? It's a good thing I go for the show and not for the music, but still. Please play the good stuff again.

And maybe a gig at a Harley dealership isn't the best. All the bikers had a collective :wtf: look on their faces.

It was still a great time, though. :wave: B-Mac and Droopy are still HOT!

Adoringly,

--Me

the_std
05-18-2008, 04:31 AM
Dear Legs,

Shut up and stop bitching. You liked it.

:devil:,
Me

CaroPhoenix
05-18-2008, 10:25 PM
Dear In-Laws (that includes Parental and sibling ones),

I am not a neurotic, overprotective Mommy. We are at a house with no safety precautions and my daughter is a special needs child.

A fence needs to be put into place. ASAP if not sooner. This is why we do not visit you, FIL & MIL and it's the reason we do not allow Kelly to spend the week with you in Summer. And FIL do NOT say "I don't think so" when it is mentioned a fence is needed. You pissed me off royally. If I could, Kelly & I would never go to your house again.

Pi$$ed off royally,
IDaR

Becks
05-19-2008, 02:14 AM
Dear throat,

Please stop being dry and scratchy.

Thank you.

Hopefully,

me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear new bra,

You rock. :love:

Overflowingly,

me

Shangri-laschild
05-19-2008, 12:34 PM
Dear jackasses,

I'm not sure why you find it amusing to keep kicking out the glass in the doors at the elementry school. You must though because you did it two days in a row. And on the same doors too! Lady got called out at 8pm to go take care of the mess. We were there until 1230 because we had to wait for the glass guy to come change out the windows. Also, thanks for covering the paved part of the playground with huge chunks of glass everywhere on a Sunday night.


Dear Jared,

Thank you for keeping me amused. The playground was fun. Next time you jump out at me, there will be consequences :D Also thank you for getting us food, even if you did accidently spill a coke, causing the whole front of my car to be sticky.


Dear back, neck, and shoulders,

Please stop being sore and stiff. I know you hate it when I crash at other people's houses but still, is that really needed? I like being able to check my blind spot without strong discomfort.


Dear lady,

You're in worse shape than I am! Would you please go to the hospital to get checked out?

the_std
05-19-2008, 05:10 PM
Dear Mae,

If you're asking, there is no need to ask. ;)

Bwahaha,
Me

crazylegs
05-19-2008, 06:14 PM
Dear <Name of mens clothes shop>

You absolutely totally Rock! Three pairs of trousers, all of which are (technically) too long, for less than the cost of one pair at High and Mighty! :muya:

Yours Gushingly

Crazylegs

Dear Jessops.

The kit you've sold me is ace. I have but one question; where is the lens hood that should be there? I'm coming down in the morning, you'd best not give me any shit.

Yours slightly (but not massivly so) annoyed

Crazylegs.

blas
05-20-2008, 03:39 PM
Dear Stupid Bird,

Thanks a lot for spewing your diahrrea all over the roof of my car. The very week that the weather decides for the first time in a month and a half that it's NOT going to rain 5 days out of the week, YOU SHIT ALL OVER THE ROOF OF MY CAR AND NOTHING IS THERE TO WASH IT AWAY....meanwhile it stays inside the shop afterwards and gets dirtier.....and I lost ALL my free car wash tokens and I don't have a hose here.

You will get yours, bird. You will get yours. Why couldn't you have just shit all over someone else's car? Let this be a lesson, my feathery friend....DO NOT eat anything you find in the parking lot at Taco Bell EVER again!

Hating you,
Blas

Becks
05-20-2008, 03:54 PM
Dear Chef Cynthia,

Thank you for the absolutely indescribably yummy French truffles. They're fantastic.

And don't worry...I do NOT intend to share with the man of the household. ;)

(All this for helping her with on extra project on her birthday so she could go home and celebrate with her family.)

Gratefully yours,

Becky

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Ray,

Thanks for the Reese's peanut butter cups. They're yummy, too. :D

(And these are for babysitting his jacket one night, if you can imagine...)

In chocolate heaven,

Becky

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Ron,

Yeah. Not gonna happen.

Someone's higher up on my lust list than you are.

:eyewaggle:,

Becky

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear #1 at work boyfriend,

:salmon:

Bleh,

Becky

draftermatt
05-20-2008, 05:45 PM
Dear Jeans,

Damn you! Why did you have to get a hole in the knee? Or any hole for that matter? I got yelled at earlier this week for being to hard on jeans.

Dear Bride,

Good luck tomorrow. It'll be the last final exam you ever have to take (unless you decide to continue in a year or so) and you only need a 62% on it to pass the class! I love you, and good luck. I'll be worthless worrying about it the rest of the day.

Bella_Vixen
05-21-2008, 04:17 AM
Dear Mae--

Thanks for the advice. 2 small problems:

1. I'm allergic to aloe. :eek: Or at least, aloe-laden lotions.
2. I didn't get sunburned. I just had sympathy pains. Weird, huh?

Thankfully,

--Me


************************************************** **********

Dear Becks--

Do me a favor. Please don't ever flash me via a pornsite's message board.


Still freaked out,

--LLNAN

************************************************** ***********

Dear <work>--

Please get rid of the need approval deal. Because of it, nothing gets done. I keep telling you, tire spikes are the way to go.

Or prepay. Everyone should have a good idea of how much it costs to fill their tank.

Very pissed off

--Me

************************************************** ************

Dear Grams--

Thanks for the earrings. I was pleasantly surprised. Becks will die of jealousy. :lol:

--LB

************************************************** ***********

Dear body--

Why are you so exhausted??

Sleepily,

--Me

************************************************** ***********

Dear sucktacular neighbors--

I sincerely hope my cat is tearing apart your house. She's obviously an indoor cat. When you found her, you should have gone around the neighborhood asking if anyone lost a cat.

You would have gotten a reward. Now you are stuck with a cat who LOVES scratching things and causing damage.

:wave:

CaroPhoenix
05-21-2008, 11:54 AM
Dear Bella,

How do you know your neighbors have your cat?

Plus, have you offered to take the cat back or are they that desperate for a cat, they haven't thought about getting rid of it?

Just wondering (with no coffee in her system),
IDaR

Becks
05-21-2008, 01:49 PM
Dear Lizziebeff,

Sorry about that. I just wanted you to see my new bra.

I mean, it's not like I could just run to WI for such a thing.

However, I know you'll forgive me someday.










And what earrings are you talking about? I'm jealous already. And curious. And I bet Grandma forgot about me.

Asking forgiveness and other questions,

Becks

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear me,

After you're done taking a shower and read the paper, get around to typing up those recipes.

You promised.

NOW.

Motivatingly,

me

iradney
05-21-2008, 01:59 PM
Dear lungs

You're welcome (quit smoking again about...er...I've forgotten how many days already).

Love rads

Dear gym

Stop being so good and yet paingiving at the same time. I'm going to start referring to you as my dominatrix!

Boot lickingly
rads

protege
05-21-2008, 05:03 PM
Dear various vehicles in the fleet,

Toyota: You'll be getting your annual inspection, plus your 15,000-mile service soon. Trust me, I've been busy lately.

MG: You'll be out of that garage soon. That is, if the mechanics remember to fit your bumpers, mirrors, and other safety items. Oh, and there are some new trim strips, air filter boxes, rear hatch brackets, and other goodies on the way.

Alana ('88 Radio-Flyer): Yep, I know that it's been 7 years, and you're still running around in primer. Bite me, OK? It's not my fault that the paint I used originally sucked, it's not my fault Grandma sold your former home. Give me a break, already.

Morris (R-F of unknown age): I know you've been sitting in the same spot since I moved. I also know that your new tires are sitting in the garage. Sorry, but I've been busy. Besides, do you *really* want to be hauling crap around the yard?

The '59 (another R-F): You're doing an awesome job! No breakdowns, no failures...even when you're loaded full of yard waste. Whenever I get around to it, you're next in line for rust removal and a new coat of paint. Oh, and you'll get that small rust hole repaired as well.

--Pro

draftermatt
05-21-2008, 06:45 PM
Dear Mrs. Draftermatt,

Congratulations! You passed nursing school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so proud of you.

Love you,
Me

Dear Owner of company,

I already told bossman about my taking next Wednesday off, I was telling you as a courtesy and so that you can get on him about working. I know he takes Wednesday's off, but it's my wife's graduation, and if he doesn't show up then you need to yell at him and not me. I'm not missing this for the world.

iradney
05-21-2008, 08:47 PM
Dear Draftermatt and Mrs Draftermatt

Woohoo! Well done! That's a big old feather in the Mrs's cap :)

rads

Becks
05-22-2008, 01:31 AM
Dear Frederick's of Hollywood™,

Stop being so damn addictive.

I've spent $115.16 in two days there.

Two bras and 8 pairs of panties, tax and shipping.

I would've spent more, but some of you stuff you have to offer does not come in my sizes.

I am soooooooooooo not ordering from you again for a while, even though your stuff rocks so much more than VS.

Cold turkey-ingly,

Becky

draggar
05-22-2008, 01:48 AM
Dear clients,

It is not funny when you continually knock on my door. A few taps is all that it takes for us to answer the door, not a continual stream of 20-30 taps that it takes me to answer the door.

Also, the "shave and a hair cut" knock is getting old. Very old.

Bella_Vixen
05-22-2008, 04:10 AM
Dear Rummy :lol: --

I don't know for certain that any of the neighbors have my cat, but since we haven't seen neither hide nor hair of her for 3 weeks, I'm betting that someone has her. She's very friendly (an attention whore), and would stay with anyone who pays her a bit of attention.

Slightly depresssed,

--Me

************************************************** **********

Dear Becks part 1--

Of course I forgive you. :wave:

Although, I must say, you could have just taken and sent a pic with that lovely camera phone we sent you.

It's all good.

--Me

************************************************** *************

Dear Becks part 2--

Grams gave me (via Mom) a pair of dangly silver Celtic knots. They are gorgeous.

If you want them, let me know. You rock the danglys better.

--Me, again

************************************************** **************

Dear Victoria's Secret--

Stop sending me your crappy catalog. I will never buy anything from you, since you can't sell anything that fits me. That is why FoH gets all my money.

Cease and desist.

--Me

************************************************** **************

Dear Becks part 3--

I wholeheartedly agree about FoH being addictive.

::sigh::

I love it!

--Me

Becks
05-22-2008, 02:37 PM
Dear Lizziebeff,

I wouldn't think of depriving you of the earrings Grandma gave you.


But thanks for the compliment. :D

Love,

your favorite sister

Umingmaq
05-22-2008, 04:11 PM
Dear Becky and Bella,

Stop with the FoH already. It's not fair to mess with the resident geezer's fantasy life.

OK, so who says life is fair? I won't even ask for pictures. Fantasy is bad enough, reality would probably give me an aneurysm.

MystyGlyttyr
05-22-2008, 04:21 PM
Dear head,

Please stop working so hard. Please stop thinking for just a couple of minutes. I really don't need the constant bombardment of bad memories today and yet you've decided we're going to have an autie day and not be able to stop thinking about things. Fuck you too.

Mysty

Evil Queen
05-22-2008, 11:55 PM
Dear Guests,

I hate you all. Go away. Except for the nice lady in room 110. You can stay.

-EQ

Becks
05-23-2008, 03:04 AM
Dear Umingmaq,

Sorry.

Really.

Well, kinda.

:p

--Becks

Umingmaq
05-23-2008, 08:02 PM
Dear blas87,

"I'll rock your liederhosen!"?

Are you aware that you are saying "I'll rock your songpants!"?

Now if you want to rock my Lederhosen, you'll have to stand in line.

blas
05-23-2008, 08:46 PM
Oh I am quite aware the difference between liederhosen and lederhosen ;)

by the way....

Dear Birds:

STOP SHITTING ON MY CAR! CAR WASHES DON'T JUST GROW ON TREES! You think you're funny? Wait till I drop trou right on your pretty little nest....

Ever yours,
blas87

Bella_Vixen
05-24-2008, 02:39 AM
Dear local pet store--

$300 for a kitten. Are you SERIOUS?!?!?!? Granted, it was adorable, but $300? And the others for $210+?

They were cute. Hell, I would have bought 3 or 4 if I could get around my lease, but my damn, you must have been joking.

Seriously depressed,

--Me

:cry:

Becks
05-24-2008, 03:16 AM
Dear new glasses (to replace the new glasses I got last month),

You rock.

I'm glad I got you.

Carry on.

Becks

Shangri-laschild
05-24-2008, 05:45 AM
Dear J

Please text me soon letting me know you're ok. It's been almost an hour and I have no clue what's going on.

Me
PS I'm really proud of you, but every so often, I hate your job...

Amethyst Hunter
05-24-2008, 06:39 AM
Dear Blas,

I hope for your car's sake those aren't mulberry trees...! :eek:

Me

draftermatt
05-24-2008, 11:09 AM
Dear Draftermatt and Mrs Draftermatt

Woohoo! Well done! That's a big old feather in the Mrs's cap :)

rads

Dear Rads,

Thank-you, from both of us.

Marxfan
05-24-2008, 02:24 PM
Dear Jaywalkers,
I am aware you desperately need to cross the street. I know I have had to jaywalk a few times myself. HOWEVER, when I did, I did the following:

1. Looked both ways to make sure there were no cars coming. And if there were, I crossed when they were far away enough not to hit me

2. I RAN!!!!!! I didn't mosey or trudge along the way you guys do!!

Now what the hell is so hard about waiting for there to be no cars coming right at you guys??? I've had people cross the street when I'm about 8 f*@#ing feet away from them!! What the hell is the matter with you?? Do you have any regard for your life at all?? Do you care if someone swerves out of the way to avoid hitting you and, as a result, nearly hits an oncoming car from the other side?? Doesn't it bother you that, if you get hit, not only does it affect you, but the driver will carry the guilt of damaging another human being with their car for the rest of his or her natural life??? Are you so narcissistic to think that everyone will just brake for you??

Well, news flash, jaywalkers: You're not that special. That's right, I said it. For every person who cares enough to brake or swerve out of the way to avoid hitting you, there are plenty who will mow you down without a pang of remorse. You're not the only sucky people in this world, you know. The world will keep turning after you die. Deal with it.

So unless you know what you're doing, USE THE DAMN CROSSWALK LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!!!

Sincerely,
Marxfan (who has nearly killed or been killed by about 5 or 10 jaywalkers this week alone)

CaroPhoenix
05-24-2008, 04:10 PM
Dear Right Forearm,

Please stop hurting! :cry: I know I bowled, using my 14 pound ball, and it's been a few years since I last bowled, but really .... stop being sore! I can barely move my arm, and I'm right-handed! :cry:

And right hand - stop having sympathy pains.

Not happy (even though my rawking Assistant Manager is here),
IDaR

Becks
05-25-2008, 02:48 AM
Dear T,

You're a fool.

Don't feel too bad, though. So am I.

Becky

monolayth
05-25-2008, 03:06 AM
Dear Work,

I work and live in Omaha, NE. Why am I getting calls for emergency roadside assistance for CANADA?

Confused

Monolayth

ArenaBoy
05-26-2008, 04:59 AM
Dear Jose Mourinho,

You're unemployed, we need a new manager, COME BACK TO CHELSEA PLEASE! The fact that you were able to win two trophies with the injury problems shows how resilient you are and the way you were able to get this team. That and we miss your comments. Just tone down the insults a bit though.

Dear Didier Deschamps,

You're also unemployed and we are looking for a manager. You did great with Monaco and you're an ex Chelsea player, manage us mate!

Dear Michael Laudrup,

Just left Getafe, and you proved your worth in the UEFA Cup match. We'll hire you.

Dear Mark Hughes,

You're an ex-Chelsea player and a fan of the club, you've done well as a manager and we wouldn't mind you.

Dear Frank Rijkaard,

FUCK OFF! You're tactically inept and you kept getting dumped on by us. I'm still laughing at the fact that you tried to play fancy soccer against us and you got scored on three times within 20 minutes. Mark of a "great" manager there.

PS. I also thought you sucked as a player.

Dear John Terry,

You're still our captain and you're respected by us. Don't let the miss get to you. You're better than Rio anyway.

Dear wireless network,

YOU SUCK!

Becks
05-26-2008, 01:36 PM
Dear bathroom scale,

I hate you.

Becky

crazylegs
05-26-2008, 02:01 PM
Dear Weather.

I know you are famous in your blandness and unpredictability but I really need to get out and practice taking photos, I know my camera is weather sealed but when I need full waterproofs *I* can still get wet.

Please, stop with the rain already.

iradney
05-26-2008, 05:22 PM
Dear Crazy Legs

What's wrong with peanut butter???? :cry:

love
rads

Dear TTO

*sigh* just... *sigh*
Boys

love
rads

crazylegs
05-26-2008, 05:24 PM
Dear Bloues

It's Icky. Seriously, the smell, texture.

Its Vile.

Pooks

iradney
05-26-2008, 05:29 PM
Dear Pooks

Cool, more for me :)
In return, you can have...um

*tries to think of food she doesn't like*
Oooh you can have haggis! :D

Good deal?

Bloues

BookstoreEscapee
05-26-2008, 05:29 PM
Dear Right Shoulder,

Please stop hurting! It's been 5 days. Enough is enough! I'm sorry about the Ben Gay but it's supposed to help you feel better. You seem to be rebelling by hurting more. I don't want to smell like a bag of Life Savers. That was all Mom, anyway. She talked me into letting her put it on you. If I get one of those hot packs for you will you stop? I really need to get stuff done and you're making it difficult.

Sorely,

Me

crazylegs
05-26-2008, 05:33 PM
Dear Bloues,

I suppose its as fair as its going to get! :lol:

Pooks

CaroPhoenix
05-26-2008, 10:21 PM
Dear Husband,

Please to not be drinking the Diet Pepsi that I have earmarked for my Sailor Jerry's Rum.

Much Rum Hate,
Your Wife
IDaR

------------------------------------------
Dear Mother,

What do you mean my husband can't cook? Just because you don't know how to cut recipes in half, doesn't mean we have to eat all your food! :rolleyes:

Wonderingly,
Your Daughter,
IDaR

Evil Queen
05-27-2008, 12:12 AM
Dear R,

Please move on from your Ex and wash the damned dishes!

-EQ


Dear BF,

Why can't I be treated like a girl and be taking out on a date without having to iniciate it myself?!

I still loves you,
-EQ

CaroPhoenix
05-27-2008, 02:15 AM
Dear EQ,

Men are oblivious to everything. I still have to do initiate dates and stuff with my husband. Sometimes men need either a swift kick to the backside or a lobotomy - not sure which as of yet.

Sincerely,
IDaR

-------------------------------------------
Dear hubs,

Were you Sandman in a past life? All you have to do is sit on the couch, daughter lays next to you, and BAM!!!! Daughter is out like a little light. :)

Wondering,
Your Wife,
IDaR

Becks
05-27-2008, 02:30 PM
Dear roofers,

Either show up or call to say you're not.

I can't say I like having a dumpster and roofing supplies in my driveway for no reason.


Oh, and thanks for dropping the dumpster off in the middle of the night. I liked being woken up by that. :D

Grrrrrrrrrrr,

Becky

draftermatt
05-27-2008, 03:48 PM
Dear Ladies of CS,

I always initiate dates with my wife. I'll even call her from pay phones pretending to be a man "you met at the store" etc. And today I sent her flowers.

It's not all men,
Me

Dear Work,

Why can't I concentrate on you today? I had 3 days off, tomorrow off for wife's graduation and I can't get into working on any of these new jobs. Mostly since they suck so greatly, but regardless.

Shangri-laschild
05-27-2008, 06:20 PM
Dear Kaetchen,

Thank you for making me giggle at work by having nearly a full minute spaz out when I told you one of our favorite officers is coming back. It may not have been coherent but it was awesome. The fact that you are still low level bouncy/spazzing is only further amusing me. And I still think/hope he'll be on my shift :p sorry.

Bectar
p.s. thank you for encouraging me to have an awesome lunch.

kaetchen
05-27-2008, 06:27 PM
Dear Kaetchen,

Thank you for making me giggle at work by having nearly a full minute spaz out when I told you one of our favorite officers is coming back. It may not have been coherent but it was awesome. The fact that you are still low level bouncy/spazzing is only further amusing me. And I still think/hope he'll be on my shift :p sorry.

Bectar
p.s. thank you for encouraging me to have an awesome lunch.


He will be on mine!! I am telling you!! *shakes fist of doom* *DOOOOOOM*

...*shake shake*... *shake*.... doom.


There is no one fav, he IS teh fav. ^_^

Shangri-laschild
05-27-2008, 06:30 PM
Dear Kaetchen,

If I don't tell B that he's my favorite, he will tow my car.....

Bectar

kaetchen
05-27-2008, 06:32 PM
Dear Kaetchen,

If I don't tell B that he's my favorite, he will tow my car.....

Bectar

Tell him that he should pay for it if he does.

Since it's our fault we made him eat Mexican.

friendofjimmyk
05-27-2008, 07:59 PM
Dear you,

Yes you! Go on!! Get on with it!

Thank you.

FOJK

MystyGlyttyr
05-27-2008, 08:31 PM
Dear Idiots in Room,

SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT GAS.

Yes, the price is higher than it used to be, yes, it's rather fucking hard when the price goes up and your paycheck stays the same, but listening to you WHINE about putting $60 in your tank when you live a five-minute walk away from work or a $1.25 bus ride or whatever, while I HAVE to experience a 30-minute DRIVE, BOTH WAYS, EVERYDAY, is about to make me lose my everloving mind. Either quit driving so much, firebomb OPEC, or just SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.

Pissed off as usual,
Mysty

P.S. And I mean idiots in the room with me at the moment, not anyone here.

friendofjimmyk
05-27-2008, 08:41 PM
when you live a five-minute walk away from work or a $1.25 bus ride or whatever.

OOO....that would chap my ass too. I live 4 miles from where I work and there are no buses but there are sidewalks so I am purchasing a bicycle because what's 4 miles on a bike? Save on gas not to mention great exercise!

Becks
05-29-2008, 02:40 AM
Dear roofers,

I do not thank you for starting before 7:30 am this morning.

However, I do thank you for doing the whole roof (as far as I can tell) by 8 pm.

Thanks, too, for not leering at me all day.

--The lady of the house

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Man of the household,

Thanks for taking me bowling. I had fun. We should do it again some time.

Love,

Becky

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear roofers (again),

Please wait to return tomorrow for the power washing until AFTER I take a shower.

I don't want to go to work smelly.

Thanks in advance.

--The lady of the house

blas
05-29-2008, 02:47 AM
Dear Penske truck,

I LOVE YOU! I have never been so happy to see a moving truck in my life! You are here to help get rid of Tommy Lee! OH THANK GOD!

*Happy dance, booty shake*

Dear Tommy,

FUCK YOU and GOODBYE! It will be so nice to not have to live in an area surrounded in cigarette butts, empty beer cans and Dairy Queen spoons! It will be so nice for everyone to have their parking spots back! No more of your little drug dealing buddies and prostitutes and random sluts parking in our spots! WOOOT! NO MORE OF YOUR SHITTY ATTEMPTS AT PLAYING GUITAR!

OH THANK HEAVEN!

Dear Sheriff:

One more time and I am calling the cops. I swear to gosh. I walk outside, light up, you peek out the window and within 3 seconds you're outside hunting me down. You see someone in the building next to mine on the very end, probably over 100 feet away come outside, and you SPRINT like a racehorse to go over and bother them. I hear a door slam. They hid from you, too. I'm on the phone. You come running back hollering at me, trying to get me to talk to you. I ignore you. I am looking at the ground ignoring you. I can hear your cowboy boots. You are pacing in circles trying to get my attention and you pace there for a good three minutes before you realize I'm not going to talk to you, so you sprint back inside and peep me from the window AGAIN!

Next time I WILL call the cops. And I WILL get that deer shining light and the next time you peep me, you'll be blinded.

Blas

Bella_Vixen
05-29-2008, 02:58 AM
Dear Fave Ex--

Why would you think I had dropped my car off? You know I wouldn't drop it off overnight, I wouldn't drop it off without telling you, AND I wouldn't drop it off without seeing you.

I'm slightly worried about you, sweetie.

--Hon


************************************************** *************

Dear JG--

Why would I miss you? Remember the argument we had? Why would/should I care that you just got out of jail?

Things haven't changed.

--Me

************************************************** **************

Dear Physco Stalker(s)--

You are old enough to be my father. I'm sure you are a nice guy, and thanks (sort of) for the compliments.

I have no interest now, nor will I in the future, in dating you.

Please leave me alone. You frighten me.


--Me

************************************************** ***********

Dear sore throat--

Granted, I prefer you to the hacking cough/phlegm, but I still don't like you.

Please go away.

--Me

************************************************** ************

Dear hacking cough/phlegm--

Please go away. I dislike you more then the sore throat.

Go make someone else miserable.

--Me

AnaKhouri
05-29-2008, 03:03 AM
Dear Literary Agents:

Please give me my big break already. But it's OK if you don't because I knew full well what I was getting into when I chose this career.

Ciao,

AK


Dear Editor at A Thousand Faces:

I seriously needed a spark of good news concerning my writing career, and you gave it to me. Thanks!

Sincerely,

AK

CaroPhoenix
05-29-2008, 01:25 PM
Dearest Daughter,

Why does the Jedi Mind Trick not work on you!? I want my coffee back, thank you!

Under caffeinated,
Your Mommy,
IDaR

Shangri-laschild
05-29-2008, 11:21 PM
Dear Aunt,

I'm going to be up in the area mid June. I really hope we can finally talk. Things are fucked up enough as it is without this awkwardness between us. I don't hate you nor do I feel you've done anything wrong. I'm really hoping that goes both ways.

Not sure where things stand,
Me


Dear piece of shit,

Fuck you. It takes a lot for me to hold a grudge. Mom even thought I'd let up at least a little by now. I haven't, and I still don't want to see you. I really hate you for making mom cry and for making me choose between standing my ground and going to grandpa's farewell concert. You've used up your chances with me and lost all chance at saving face.

Me

Evil Queen
05-30-2008, 01:08 AM
Dear Ladies of CS,

I always initiate dates with my wife. I'll even call her from pay phones pretending to be a man "you met at the store" etc. And today I sent her flowers.

It's not all men,
Me

Dear Draftermatt,

Your wife is so lucky! :cry:
But I don't know what I'm crying about. It's not like BF reads this [forum] so it's kinda not worth complaining about, huh?

Thanks for treating your wife like she's special,
-EQ

Evil Queen
05-30-2008, 01:24 AM
Dear tummy,

Please feel better. I'd like to eat some actual food today.

-EQ



Dear Brain,

Please kick the creative part of yourself in the lobe and give me some ideas! How cna I be a writer if I can't think of anything to write about?! And don't say work, I hate writing about work!

-EQ


Dear Mom,

Why did I have to get this food allergy from you?! Dudette, I can't even SMELL the Bell Peppers without getting sick. I blame you!

Your loving (GRRRR!) daughter,
-EQ



Dear BF,

I feel yucky! :cry:

-EQ

blas
05-30-2008, 02:07 AM
Dear Neon,

Strike two, little boy. You don't want to know what's going to be your fate when you decide to fuck up a third time.

Blas

Bella_Vixen
05-30-2008, 02:22 AM
Dear Sore Throat AND Hacking Cough--

Thanks for leaving this afternoon. You should have told me you were leaving a present behind.

--A still sickly me

************************************************** **************

Dear Stuffy AND Runny Nose--

Seriously? At the same time? This is going to make the 5th night in a row that I won't get much sleep.

:cry:

--Me

RetailWorkhorse
05-30-2008, 03:17 AM
Dear Brain,

Please kick the creative part of yourself in the lobe and give me some ideas! How cna I be a writer if I can't think of anything to write about?! And don't say work, I hate writing about work!

-EQ

Dear EQ,

Ya want a prompt?

Your Acting Brain,
RW

Becks
05-30-2008, 03:19 AM
Dear back, feet, legs and body parts I forgot existed,

Please stop hurting. Please.

I like being able to move, and I don't have a day off until next Wednesday. I think. I won't know until I see my schedule tomorrow.

Hopefully,

Becky

ArenaBoy
05-30-2008, 05:06 AM
Dear Moronic Bundesliga (German League) Fanboy,

You are too fucking funny. No seriously. Joe Cole lacks vision? That's too funny. Or my personal favorite, Ribery is France's best player. Nope. It's Trezeguet, any man who can score 20 goals in the ultra defensive Italian league is important to France. On that note:

Dear Raymond Domenech,

What the hell are you thinking leaving Trezeguet out? If we crash out early I'm blaming you. Also, Boumsong?!

Dear dog,

You're getting older, but you're still awesome.

monolayth
05-30-2008, 06:44 AM
Dear Dispatch,

You made me blush...

Mono

dispatch
05-30-2008, 06:48 AM
Dear Mono-

You're welcome!

-Dispatch

CaroPhoenix
05-30-2008, 11:44 PM
Dear nose,

Please stop dripping and making me sneeze! :cry: I'm getting tired of it.

Not happy,
IDaR

--------------------------------------------
Dear Child,

Why do I have to be the one with the Pokemon birthday theme??? I want Finding Nemo or bowling or something!

Your loving mommy,
IDaR

BookstoreEscapee
05-30-2008, 11:51 PM
OOO....that would chap my ass too. I live 4 miles from where I work and there are no buses but there are sidewalks so I am purchasing a bicycle because what's 4 miles on a bike? Save on gas not to mention great exercise!

I would so do that too if I didn't live 15 miles from work (also a 1/2 hour drive, Mysty); never mind the fact that I would probably get run over by an 18-wheeler and New Jersey gets rather humid in the summer. And I do not do well with humidity.

--------------

Dear right shoulder,

Thank you for not spasming on me the last few days. Still sore but you're getting there! Keep it up!!!

Love,
Me

--------------

Dear Teeth,

Please don't have any cavities at the dentist tomorrow.

Fingers-crossedly,
Me

Amethyst Hunter
05-31-2008, 05:22 AM
Dear weather gods,

THANK YOU for sparing us from the Evil Storm Front of DOOM. I shall try not to bitch (too much) about the humidity you have left us with in return.

Sincerely, a storm-phobic Me

crazylegs
05-31-2008, 08:21 PM
Dear Van,

WTF???, I mean really, c'mon.

(who the hell designed that system anyhow...?)

Yours, annoyed

Crazylegs

RetailWorkhorse
05-31-2008, 09:10 PM
Dear God/dess of Weather,

Thank you for not making this day royally suck. :) As soon as I remember what the flying fig your name is I'll send a nice goat your way (you like pets, right?) :love:.

With love and adoration,
RW

Lace Neil Singer
05-31-2008, 10:20 PM
Dear rich bitch from hell,

Thanks a lot for nearly knocking me off my motorbike the other day as you barged past me on a corner in your husband's car. It may come as a surprise to you, but most sane drivers slow down to take a corner. If you'd waited, I would have sped up; then again, that still may not have been enough for your over liposuctioned arse. I sincerely hope that karma bites you in the arse by having your husband run off with a girl young enough to be his daughter, and you end up getting nothing from the divorce whatsoever, meaning you have to catch the bus rather than drive round in your husband's penismobile.

With hatred and wishes of revenge,

The girl on the motorbike.

monolayth
06-01-2008, 12:57 AM
Dear Policeman in Bismarck, who called me today.


I hate you. You were rude. You also did not listen to me. And yes I need the location to send out a tow truck. And no just telling me she is in a parking lot near front road does not work.

And for the last time people, NO I dont know how long it is going to take when I don't even know what state your in. I know your in a hurry, but CHILL. And don't get mad at me that it will take 20 mins to get to you. The last place I called told me an hour. Also I am not the one who locked the keys in the car.



Much annoyance,

The person trying to help you.

kaetchen
06-02-2008, 04:25 PM
Dear soon to be aunt (in-law?),

I know that we are young, but we aren't getting married for another 2 maybe even 3 years. At that point, I'll be 24-25 ish. I'll more than likely have a full time job and it won't be a huge issue.

Please stop trying to lecture us over things we are fully aware of. I don't appreciate it when you do this with other situations that you have no frame of reference.

No love.


P.S.

Remember that time you told my fiance's mom that I was worthless and a mooch? Where were you getting that idea from? Just so you know, his mom wasn't telling you that I was cleaning her house everyday and trying to organize stuff for her so she'd find her bills. Did she tell you that her power and cable got shut off on an almost monthly basis because she would come home from work and sit on her ass and read romance novels for 6 hours before going to bed? I bet not.

SengaKitty
06-02-2008, 05:07 PM
Dear D,
You are a lying cheating good for nothing. You may love your son, but that is the only good thing about you. You enjoy making people feel like they can't do anything right, when, in fact, you are the one who continues to fuck up. You say you're not the one who wanted a divorce? Than why the fuck did you cheat again after I told you I'd leave you if you did? And why did you lie about it when you knew that would only make things worse for you?

You had better have my son to me in July, or I will cut your penis off in tiny little slivers.

Quit making my life hell, and then claiming I'm doing that to you.

Me.

Dear Mini-D
Mommy loves you and is doing everything she can to make a better life for you. I miss you with all my heart, every single second of every single minute of every single hour of every single day. You are my world, my little prince. I hope you know I love you, and please don't think I abandoned you.

I will see you in July.
Love forever alway and a day
Mommy

the_std
06-02-2008, 06:50 PM
Dear RedHeadPhoneGirl,

... :( I hope everything turns out okay for you. That sounds like a really tough situation to be in.

SengaKitty
06-02-2008, 08:48 PM
Dear the_std

Thank you, it is, but I know that things will turn out the way they're meant to, at least I can only hope they will.

Saydrah
06-02-2008, 11:36 PM
Dear CS,

Waugh! Life just got ridiculously busy! :eek: I haven't been here for a while, but I'm (sorta) back. Do want to let y'all know that I still get PM notifications in my email, so even if you don't see me around, if you need to get in touch, feel free.

My CEO just thought up a new program off the top of his head and it blew up huge-- as in, good blew up, not like explosives blow up. So work has been silly, as has life with travel plans for a trip involving over 30 hours of driving for me changing a bazillion times (damned unreliable people) and my rat Mage ripped open his neuter incision and it is abscessed now... YUCKO.... poor baby! And I hurt my hip... and I am NOT telling you how, it's embarrassing. No, not that way. It involves macaroni, and get your minds out of the gutter! But I couldn't walk for a few days (whimper)....

Anyway, yeah, I'm sorta back.

-Sayds

RetailWorkhorse
06-03-2008, 02:45 AM
Dear Totally Rockin' Video Game Commercials,

Please stop. I can't afford an XBox360 and a PS3 for another year minimum. Please stop showing me games I'd orgasm for. It's not fair.

I'm lookin at YOU, Haze!

-RW

Dear Upper Management,

....GO ON VACAY ALREADY SO I CAN GET MORE HOURS! SCRAM! SCAT! GOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Thank you~!
-RW

BookstoreEscapee
06-03-2008, 02:59 AM
Dear Saydrah,

I'm gonna guess you dropped the macaroni and slipped. I once fainted in front of an entire waiting room full of people and landed square on my hip. That was quite a nice bruise. On the up side I was in a doctors office so there were plenty of medical professionals around. But it was rather embarrassing. Oh, yeah, plus they had to call my mommy and daddy to come get me because they didn't want me to drive. I was like 23. :o

Hope your hip feels better and you are fully back soon.

BSE

---------------------

Dear Teeth,

Thank you for not having any cavities. Just don't let that crack in that one filling get any bigger. As long as you don't join in the pain brigade, we'll be all good.

Smilingly:D,
Me

---------------------

Dear Left Wrist,

I don't know what I did to you but please stop hurting. Did the right shoulder put you up to this? I'm trying to get a workout routine going and all these little pains are not helping.

Achingly,
Me

Lil Bunny
06-03-2008, 03:12 AM
Dear Friday aka Wedding Date aka the reason for my stress/freakouts.

Seriously, you can get here at any time now. I'm half tempted to smother my future husband, scrape off my face due to break outs and am ready to cry at the drop of a hat. This is really not fun.

However as I've found out, this could be the real reason we moved it up. I might have turned into a bridezilla other wise. Stress just about kills me.

<3
Bunny

Becks
06-03-2008, 04:21 AM
Dear MOTH,

You know what would be GREAT right now?

Strawberry cheesecake ice cream.

Too bad you ate it all last night while I was asleep.

I hope it made you sick.

Grrrrrrrrrrr,

Becky

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear nephew,

I'm pround of you.

:yourock:

Love,

your favorite auntie

crazylegs
06-03-2008, 10:50 PM
Dear C

I think its fantastic that as a lady of your advanced years you feel comfortable getting changed infront of your collegues that include a 20yo/21yo+25yo male, however you are leaving yourself open to harrassment complaints, knock it off for your own sake.

Crazylegs

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear T

Really, cut it out, she's a lovely girl and she deserves to be more than an 'emergency/comfort shag'. Act in a decent way and actually date her rather than use her.

Crazylegs

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear A

I actually quite like you, maybe a bit more than that but I really don't want to make a fool out of myself at work, this could be tricky as I don't even know if you're attached right now.

Yours musingly

Crazylegs

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Idiot Boy,

If you're going to try and embarrass me at work, at least go for a story that

A) I've not already told everyone
B) Isn't really something that was in my control
C) Doesn't make you sound like a petty tw*t.

Yours advisingly

Crazylegs

SengaKitty
06-03-2008, 11:27 PM
Dear R
Thank you for giving J such a great report on me today! You're my hero and I can't wait to start working with you!
Yours Gratefully
RHPG

~~~
Dear J
Thank you for taking a chance on me. I promise I won't let you down! I'll be a great asset to the company! You rock and I hope to follow your example of making manager in 90 days :))

RHPG

Bella_Vixen
06-04-2008, 04:44 AM
Dear Fave Ex®--

I've spent all day trying to figure this out, and I'm still not sure how I feel about you giving my number out to some "really nice" guy you know.

I know you did it because you care, and God knows I have enough jerks in my life, but honestly. I think I'm a little too old to be set up with someone.

:lol::cry::confused:

Then again, if he's anything like you, it'll take him 9 months to get up the nerve to call me. :roll:

Still confused--

Me

P.S. Does he know about the little ring you promised me in the not so distant future?

P.P.S. I never once whined about the various jerk(s) I know. I only tell you about them because you ask about my latest "boyfriend," and I know you will be amused by the stories. Between you and Cheating Manwhore aka Physco Ex, not to mention various stalkers, I don't think I can deal with anyone right now. But I do appreciate the thought.

iradney
06-04-2008, 09:05 AM
Dear Management

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!! !
*rips hair out*

Stomach-ulceringly yours
rads

Princess-Snake
06-04-2008, 02:02 PM
Dear iradney,
Deep breaths now. *Inhale* *Exhale*

Elspeth
06-04-2008, 04:45 PM
Dear Vacation:
For the love of gord, get here already. I know I am insane for planning a road trip but I want my nights in vegas (Spa suite at the luxor :devil:) and I can't wait for Comic Con!!

Stressed and need a nap
Els

Dear Gas Prices;
Come down already, I have a nice little car that gets really good gas mileage but I don't like you. And I am really not going to like you during vacation

Owner of a Focus who still hates gas prices
Els

Dear Boss (who is also my uncle)
Thank you thank you for staying home and working there. I might finally get some of my projects done.

Your loving niece (and report monkey)
Els

crazylegs
06-04-2008, 08:45 PM
Dear Bloues,

If its any help stomach ulcers are caused by bacteria rather than stress... http://www.patient.co.uk/showdoc/23069185/ .

However if you do want to destress might I be so bold as to suggest paintballing...?

Pooks

Becks
06-06-2008, 03:57 AM
Dear roofing company,

I don't care if you send the guys over in the morning to do the power washing. I'm taking a shower tomorrow at 9 am. I'm tired of taking showers at weird times in case someone decides to show up.

Enjoy the show.

Grrrrrrrrrrrr,

me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear J,

Thanks.

Working on it,

Becks

SengaKitty
06-06-2008, 04:05 AM
Dear Papa John's Inc,

Thank you for not hiring me :) Despite your decision that I was underqualified to be an administrative assistant, I am now in a position to be a manager making 75K in my first year. So thank you.

Happily yours
RHPG

RetailWorkhorse
06-06-2008, 04:34 AM
Dear *sighs* Weather God/dess,

I like you. Most of the time. You bring in the rain and stuff when we need it, your winds drive away some of the pollen and I appreciate being able to walk outside and fly my monster-kite I build every year. I like the sunshine when I've had a crappy day and I can just stand outside with my arms spread and soak up your warmth. I had no problems with you for 21 years.

However (I'm sure that you saw that coming, if you've known me for any amount of time at all), this year you've brought in a Low Pressure System that will not let me sleep.

I ask this of you, my darling Deity, why you feel that in the past week, I should only suffer my Retail days with a full 17 hours worth of sleep under my belt. Please note that I do not ask this out of hatred or some feeling of entitlement, but only of curiosity. As the fact that the past seven days of sleeplessness and uneasy sleep has not caught up with me, I am forever grateful.

It's different this year, and I can only imagine as to why (actually, considering how much my body chemistry has changed since the beginning of the year I think I know why it's different). But I am not jittery, not sleepy, or cranky, and it has not affected my ability to work or convey communication to my customers and co-workers in any way, shape, or form.

For some reason I just felt that you should know. Should you feel the need to enlighten me and rid me of my ignorance, I await your communication with baited anticipation.

One of your Devoted,
RetailWorkhorse

Shards
06-06-2008, 05:38 AM
Dear, My hyper-controlling future father in law,

Ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha ha! Your daughter purposefully failed the fitness test to work at your company, and despite your high position, you aren't quite high enough to bend the rules to force her in anyway! You cannot complain about her not trying, although we both know she didn't, and you cannot force her into a full-time job she didn't want while simultaneously forcing her to spend the summer under your thumb! How does it feel knowing your daughter has a spine?

iradney
06-06-2008, 10:06 AM
Dear Bloues,

If its any help stomach ulcers are caused by bacteria rather than stress... http://www.patient.co.uk/showdoc/23069185/ .

However if you do want to destress might I be so bold as to suggest paintballing...?

Pooks

Dear Pooks

Thanks, but guess what stress does to your immune system?

Ayup.

Appreciate the help tho :)
*squishies*
bloues

Dear RGM

AAAAAAAAH!!! DIAF! AAAAAAAAAH!!!!

Hope you get hives
rads

crazylegs
06-06-2008, 10:10 AM
Dear Pooks

Thanks, but guess what stress does to your immune system?

Ayup.

Appreciate the help tho :)
*squishies*
bloues

Bloues

I know, I know, it supresses it but it was worth a shot ;)

(really would go with the painballing though its GREAT fun for the day!)

Pooks

Saydrah
06-06-2008, 11:31 PM
Dear Bad Luck Streak,

Please end now. I can't deal with this anymore! I have ONE fucking hobby-- my pets-- and I lose two in one month, get hit with massive vet bills, and now I find out that my amazing losing streak is unbroken: Every single female rat I've reserved for breeding purposes has had something bad happen to them. There is one last option, but if that doesn't pan out, I give up: 4,000 miles of driving, a few thousand dollars, and enormous amounts of blood sweat and tears, is enough to throw down a black hole to chase after breeding rats that don't die young in horrific ways like almost all pet store rats.

I did everything right and I can't get a break, and meanwhile people who do everything wrong are happily having litters every couple of months and loving it. If I can't find a way out of this dilemma I will just not have rats anymore, though it breaks my heart to say that.

-ARRRRRGH.


Dear Work,

Plz 2 promote me, yes?

-Hopeful

tropicsgoddess
06-07-2008, 12:21 AM
Dear L,

I love you and the family too, but do I HAVE to be at EVERY single family event?!!! You should already know by now for the last three years that I've been living on my own and that I have obligations called a job and bills. I tell you that I might not make it to ___________ family event on _________ day, and you tell me to request time off each time. HELLO?!!! That makes me look bad if I constantly request time off, especially if I'm still on my 90 day probationary period!!! Not only that, but I could lose my job, especially these days when there is a bevy of people that are more than willing to take my job out of sheer desperation!!! You of all people should know that since you're a front desk supervisor for a major hotel chain!!! You didn't say anything about missing K's wedding because of your trip to Ft. Meyers, but you wanna go off on me about missing a little event because I have to work to pay my bills?!! You're a real piece of work. :rolleyes: I'll come over, but when I feel that I want to and will be able to. I don't need to answer to you because I am a grown woman, not your bitch. If you want something to boss around, get a sissy man or a dog.


Your big sis.

Bella_Vixen
06-08-2008, 03:30 AM
Dear Stupid People--

You see those OMINOUS clouds out there?

You see the wind blowing in several different directions at once?

You know what that means?

There is a TORNADO on the way!!

Some of you DROVE THROUGH IT!!!

YES, THE STORE IS CLOSED for the duration of the storm.

NO, you canNOT buy some ice cream!

YOU ABSOLUTELY F'ING SUCK!

--Me

monolayth
06-08-2008, 03:49 AM
Dear Jester,

Texting me while I was on the way to work about how you are enjoying a beautiful day in key west is just mean.

Pouting

Monolayth.

CaroPhoenix
06-08-2008, 11:55 AM
Dear Super Hot Rawking Croc Sandals,

http://shop.crocs.com/pc-1174-4-cyprus.aspx?reqid=1174&reqProdTypeId=41p&subsectionname=footwear&section=products

Why did you have to hurt my little feets? :cry: That's not nice! I love the look of y'all and the fact that I can reach things on top shelves without having to stand on my tippy toes and sticking my tongue out. (Yes, I actually do that. :p)

But .. my feets were in a lot of pain. They're feeling better now that I just woke up, but I think I'll be living in my flip-flops from Torrid http://www.torrid.com/torrid/store/product.jsp?FOLDER%3C%3Efolder_id=2534374302030242&PRODUCT%3C%3Eprd_id=845524442175688&bmUID=1212926059764for the next week or 2.

A sad,
Rum

iradney
06-08-2008, 02:33 PM
Dear TTO

*goes all girly mushy* You're brilliant! Getting me a MAC makeover for our anniversary was a brilliant idea! I would have been happy with just that, but NOOOO, you go and buy me a crapload of MAC makeup too! :love:
I'm gonna look so pretty thanks to you! *smothers in kisses*

Loving you lots n lots n lots n lots
Rads

Misanthropical
06-08-2008, 07:48 PM
Dear boss,

You know I think the world of you, but it is very hard to not say I told you so! You wanted to take me and my friend off our most excellent assigments and give them to the new people, because it would be easier to train them on what my friend and I are doing than to train them to make their bones first.

I love how you had to give our assigments back, because my friend and I are very good at what we do and no one can get the results we do.

No worries, we would riot if they tried to replace you, so you do have that.


Dear door to door what evers,

It is most impolite to knock on my door and ring my bell over and over at 9 AM. You see, I work the night shift and can now sleep in now that school is out. So, yes, I admit I was more than rude when I answered the door. After all, you woke everyone up. My children and I were all still asleep and did not enjoy being woke up just so you could try to sell us something.

Next time, skip my house or I will have to take a flamethrower to you.


Dear allergies,

You are now so bad that I have to take more medicine than I care to, just so I can walk outside and go to work. I feel like I'm working just to pay for the medicine for my allergies! GRR!


Dear coworkers,

Yes, I am aware that I sound like I'm losing my voice, I'm tired of having to tell you all that I HAVE ALLERGIES and can not help how I sound. Why do you all act like this something new every friggen week! GET AWAY FROM MY DESK! Don't you all have your own work to do? Leave me alone already.

flyinghi
06-08-2008, 11:47 PM
Dear Parents

I know you don't have any faith in me and I might even be able to live with that but would it be so hard to FAKE IT once in a while ?? or heaven forbid could you tell me you re proud of me for graduating college in 2 weeks ?

When I tell you that I would like that eventually be in a managing position where i would have people working under me, please don't look at me like I'm saying I want to climb Mt Everest backwards on my hands I really do beleive I'm more then capable of doing that and more regardless of what you think

When you tell me that I should accept the very first job I am offered no matter what it is ( and suggest I should apply at Mcdonald's) do you even realize how that makes me feel?

When I tell you that I beat a university grad on some job placement tests, could you at least pretend to beleive me? it would really help me not feel like a piece of shit


Fuck you! and I cant wait to prouve you wrong

your son

Evil Queen
06-09-2008, 12:04 AM
Dear Mom,

I know I don't tell you this a lot, hell I've probably never told you this. But I'm proud of you and I love you very much.

Your loving daughter,
-A




Dear X,

I can't wait until you return from your trip! Don't forget my post card, you have to tell me everything!

I love you and miss you,
-Your Baby

Becks
06-09-2008, 02:29 AM
Dear heat and humidity,

Please go away. There aren't many things I hate more than feeling the need to take a shower right after I get out of the shower.

And I hate sweating. I really do.

In search of central air,

Becky

Bella_Vixen
06-09-2008, 03:08 AM
Dear Becks--

WE have central air.

And a bedroom waiting for you.

:wave:

Shangri-laschild
06-09-2008, 03:21 AM
Dear work,

Getting used to being up at night is for some reason taking a bit longer than usual and so I'm slightly out of it. Coming in to put my food in the fridge and finding the same fridge as always but with the handle on the other side, it kind of trippy. Thanks.

Love,
Me

P.S. If by the end of this week I've gone insane and am using the keys as projectile weapons, I appologize ahead of time.

Becks
06-09-2008, 03:41 AM
Dear Lizziebeff,

You're about as subtle as a train wreck.

I love you oodles.

Love,

Becks

Bella_Vixen
06-09-2008, 03:42 AM
Dear Becks--

Who said I was trying to be subtle?

--Lizziebeff

Becks
06-09-2008, 03:46 AM
Dear Lizziebeff,

Good point.

However, how many places out there pay time and a half for working Sundays?

Every Sunday.

Not off on Sundays unless something big needs to be done and getting paid for that.

Love,

Becks

draftermatt
06-09-2008, 11:45 AM
Dear Boss,

You're an idiot! It's going to be 98+ today, it was 77 at 6 AM, that's hot. Yet I walk into the office at 6:45 (a good hour after you) and the office is hotter than it is outside. Also, it was cute of you to duct tape the AC shut so I couldn't make the office colder.

I'm sorry that when they bore you out of the 6th circle of Hell that you weren't given a tolerance for cold, but damn it, the rest of us are hot! So now I have my AC cranking and a fan going hoping I'll eventually get cool, but I feel sorry for the rest of the office who can't turn on your AC out of fear, or fool with their own AC because you're an asshole.

crazylegs
06-09-2008, 12:52 PM
Dear weather,

You'd best bloddy hold until the weekend else I won't be happy.

Crazylegs.

Dear C

Hot enough for ya?

Crazylegs

Saydrah
06-09-2008, 05:27 PM
Dear Irwin the Car,

Why are so many things wrong with you at once? You JERK! I have no money WAAAAHHHH! :cry:

-Peeved Driver


Dear Irwin the Ghost,

I hope you really like Irwin the car, and if you do, you should thank my dad for talking me out of giving that Irwin the boot and trading him for a newer used Toyota. If you're grateful for my keeping Irwin the car, I would love it if you used some of your spooky ghost powah to give me a run of good luck-- I really really need some!

-Owner of Your Favorite Hangout


Dear Dad,

You're not the world's best dad, and you know it. In fact, you're kind of an asshole, and you have some serious mental health issues. But you are there when I really need you, and you are helping me pay to fix my car. I'm glad you're around, even if we DO fight over stupid crap every time I see you.

-Your Daughter

draftermatt
06-09-2008, 05:38 PM
Dear People who keep trading in their SUV's for small cars,

I understand that it sucks paying $75+ at the pump, I'm doing it too (for two vehciles) but before you get rid of your paid off/almost paid off SUV, please add up what you pay.

Both of my trucks are paid off. So I pay for insurane ($1200 per year for both trucks) and gas. That's it. If you are paying for Gas, Payment, and insurance are you saving any money? Not to mention we fill up just as much anyway. If you fill up every 300 miles like me then I'll see you at each fill up and watch you pay $65 and leave as I pay $75 and leave.

Again, what are you saving? $10 on gas to spend $50-$500 more on payments and insurance? Yeah, real smart there.

Princess-Snake
06-09-2008, 07:59 PM
Dear Weather,
I haven't gone out for a walk for nearly a week now because it's too bloody hot! And the days before that week when I did go for a walk, I had to cut it short because I drank all of the Snapple I brought with me and I still felt like I was going to pass out. How am I supposed to get a quick recovery when the eventual surgery finally comes if I can't walk every day like I'm supposed to?!
Cool off already,
Princess

Dear Doctors,
Call already! The waiting is killing me!
Call me,
Princess

Dear Mom,
Just give me a straight answer. Where the hell is the anniversary dinner being held? How am I supposed to meet you there Saturday if I don't know where there is?
Your daughter,
Princess

Dear Sis,
May I borrow your hair straightner for Mom and Dad anniversary dinner?
Your sis,
Princess

Boozy
06-09-2008, 10:18 PM
Dear Friend,

Please stop e-mailing me those pictures of cats you find on the internet.

You know the ones - they all have some cutesy phrase on them, like the cat's supposed to be talking to me or something.

I don't know if you've notice this over the course of our 15 year friendship, but I am not a cat person. I don't wish them any harm. I don't find them unpleasant. When a cat approaches me, I am kind towards them, as I am to all living creatures.

But cat pictures do about as much for me as say, pictures of lint from my dryer. Which is to say, nothing.

Consider this your official notification to cease-and-desist. I love you, but I am not unwilling to get lawyers involved.

- Boozy

CaroPhoenix
06-09-2008, 11:13 PM
Dear Jester -

I hope the picture I put in the Scavenger Hunt of Danica Patrick wasn't too much for your old man heart. ;)

Cheers!
Rum

----------------------------------------------
Child,

Why is your temperature going up instead of down? :cry: Is the Children's Motrin not working for you? :cry: Stop it! You're scaring your Momma.

Love lots,
MommyRum

monolayth
06-10-2008, 07:46 PM
Dear left side of my head,

Could you please teach the right side to quit hurting??

Owner of head,
Monolayth

Dear Right side of my head,

PLease for the love of all that is holy and right in the world, Please stop hurting.

This ear infection is getting very taxing.

Cranky,
Monolayth

Dear Jester,

You love to taunt me dont you?

Wishing I were on a beach,

A redhead in nebraska.

Shangri-laschild
06-11-2008, 02:14 AM
Dear self,

Really? You chose this week of all weeks to not be inclined towards being up at night and asleep during the day? This is the week I needed that! It's 9:13pm here and as I looked at the clock my first thought was, well, time for bed. My second thought was, shit...I work in two hours. Awesome. I had been trying to avoid relying on caffeine what with me being jumpy enough as it is. Oh well.

Me

Misanthropical
06-11-2008, 03:02 AM
Dear Boss Man,

Thank you ever so much for scaring the crap out of me tonight! I couldn't tell you what I was thinking seeing my desk empty! No computer, no phone! Just my pictures.

I'm glad that you finally let me in on what was going on before I had a total heart attack.

Yes, thank you for telling me I would have a new computer and new phone tomorrow, but tonight I had to sit with the women who would rather scream their conversations at each other, instead of doing their job, which made my job harder.

Plus, we have a heat wave going on, could you please tell the day people to turn on the central air?

Thanks!


Dear children,

There is a freaking heat advisory out, so no, you may not go running all over heck. I would rather have you inside in the cool air than taking you to the ER for heat stroke.

Yes, I see your friends are outside, but I'm not their mother and they are not my concern, you are.

So, if not letting you outside makes me the meanest mother ever, so be it.

Plus, I am not as stupid as you seem to think I am. And, just because I don't call you out on something does not mean I don't know about it. It just means I don't think the situation required me getting on you about.


Dearest husband,

We have been married for 17 years, don't you think it's about time to drop the whole "it must be a Midwest thing" when I do something you don't understand the reasoning to or say something that you haven't heard before?

Thanks, you hick! ;)

powerboy
06-11-2008, 07:02 AM
Dear Self


Why are you to lazy to lift weights? You know, I have a pool party too go to in Augest. You are somewhat out of shape. Is it because it has been awhile since, I did lift weights?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Dear Customer

If you do not pay rent on time, we have to send out letters. We do it, because it is the law. Not because we are picking on you. If you do not pay for 3 months. Then guess what, either come up with 75% percent of the bill or it goes to auction. Oh you are going to take us to the labor board. Like they will do anything. They will ask us for our side. We will them and if needed show them the documents.

karath
06-11-2008, 10:55 AM
Dear Tae Kwan Do companion:

This is getting out of hand. Your violence during sparring is well known by everyone associated with the studio, and you actually managed to give me a black eye and numb most of my face for the better part of a week despite my having about a foot and 50 pounds on you, and you've done a LOT worse to other sparring partners. Seriously, learn some control; that's supposed to be one of the reasons we're there, after all.

Still sore,

Karath


Dear OTHER Tae Kwan Do companion:

Stop. Just stop. Your little insults have grown from tiresome to flat-out angering. Grateful as I am for your testing my self-control, just stop. I arrive at tae kwan do with the plan of getting a good workout and getting rid of some aggression; please stop tempting me to begin that before the actual workout.

Very annoyed,

Karath again.


Dear Self:

Ok, you failed the test. It happens. Ok, you got hit in the face. It happens. Suck it up. Getting depressed about it is not going to help anyone.

--Karath.


Dear WoW friends:

I get enough of this friend drama crap in real life. Seriously. Stop.

--Vourinen

friendofjimmyk
06-11-2008, 11:17 AM
Dear Coworker (s),

Again, we meet. You are the one who does bare minimum work. I work diligently to clear our screen of calls and meet our service levels whilst you play away on the Internet. I can tell you are not working because you are giggling and this particular day is not a funny one - we are BUSY! I have boycotted helping you in your tasks because it has become apparent that I am doing nearly all of your tasks.

After you left, the supervisor got on the screen and saw how your "area" of work was neglected. Its not that she didn't believe me when I emailed her, she just didn't realize how bad it really was. Well, she saw and she apologized to me for not being more diligent in looking into the matter. She had only sent out an email reminding our department of our supplemental duties - which you apparently believed did not apply to you.

I want half your pay for the days you share this area with me. I only think its fair. You'll be hearing from my lawyer. (How I wish!)

Thank you,

Your busy as fucking hell coworker - can't you HEAR me making all the calls?

protege
06-11-2008, 02:46 PM
Dear Sally,

Was it really necessary for you to pounce on me last night? I mean, it's not like I was enjoying my nap or anything... Oh, and you're not allowed in my bedroom to begin with. Stay behind the kitty-gate, please

--Pro

Dear MGB GT,

According to the garage, you should be finished on Friday :bounce: However, given the garage's previous attempts at dropping the ball, I'm not holding my breath. Still, if you are finished, I apologize that I can't drive you yet. Still have the state inspection, insurance, and registration to take care of first.

--Pro

draftermatt
06-11-2008, 03:28 PM
Dear Sears,

The company you hired to install my TV sucks. They called to schedule and said the soonest they could do it is Wednesday the 11th. This was on Thursday the 5th. I told them I could only do the 11th if it was after 3. Of course they couldn't guarantee anything, which I understand, but I was adamant. Either don't schedule it, or after 3.

Yesterday they called my wife and told her it would be around noon. She told them no one would be there, and you said you'd call back. So I called directly, and told them the truth.

My wife is a nurse, she cannot leave early, and I work in the office by myself on Wednesdays. I cannot leave any earlier than 2:30! Ok, they'll move things around and try to get their close to 3, and will call me later.

This morning I get a call, saying again, Noon. Again I say that won't work. Again I am told that things will be moved, and the tech will call me around 2:00.

So imagine my surprise when the tech calls to tell me it'll be around noon. So I had to explain to him, that the day wasn't important to me, I just want it done. And no one can be there at that time.

So now I've rescheduled it for my wife's next day off.

And I'm trying to call the store where I bought it from, and I've been hung up on twice.

Vowing never to set foot in Sears again,

Me

draftermatt
06-11-2008, 04:01 PM
Dear Sears,

I've now been hung up on 5 times. As soon as I explain my problem and the person offers to get me a manager (or transfer me to HR so they can find a manager) I get disconnected.

This is not going well for you.

crazylegs
06-12-2008, 11:40 PM
Dear IB

You are now THIS CLOSE ¦¦ to having your teeth knocked so far down your throat you'll brush them when you wipe your arse. Talk to me like that again and I will rip your head off. You don't know it yet but I will be talking to the Sgt and I will be stating that unless you knock it off I will make it formal.

Shape Up or Ship Out.

Yours tamping,

Crazylegs

~~~~~~

Dear E

Thank you for getting back to me so quick, you've lowered my stress levels considerably, I'm looking forward to the event a lot more than the first one.

Yours thankfully

Crazylegs

~~~~~~~

Dear J

You always put up with my ranting about IB, I don't know why you do but I thank you, I really do, without you being my safety valve I'd probably be out of a job by now! :o

Yours Gratefully

Crazylegs

CaroPhoenix
06-13-2008, 02:31 AM
Dear Child,

This will be the first summer we have where Nana is not always available to us. (She's caring for her other granddaughter when my sister works). This means we'll be having lots of Mommy & Daughter time. I hope you're prepared for this. I hope I'm prepared for this.

(Oh, God, what am I going to do!? Ahem ... :roll:).

Love you lots,
MamaRum

monolayth
06-13-2008, 04:18 AM
Dear people in Iowa,

Yes they really have closed down parts of i-80 due to flooding. And no I am not sending out a service vehicle to tha areas being evacuated. Yes I know you can still get to them but I am not sending somone to an unsafe area.

annoyed,
Monolayth

Shangri-laschild
06-13-2008, 05:44 AM
Dear Laptop,

I had been very excited when J told me he'd lend you to me for my vacation. Internet on my phone only goes so far. Honestly, it's better than nothing. That being said, I have a problem with you. You're so sensitive that when trying to move the cursor around, you keep going back to previous internet pages. Why are you doing this? I've had little enough expirience with laptops as it is. J told me that once he gets a better laptop, you will be mine. That's not sounding as exciting anymore...

Me

Misanthropical
06-13-2008, 04:52 PM
Dear friends of my children,

I know my children are the coolest and the most fun to play with, but if you don't stop ringing our bell at 9 AM I will be forced to get all kinds of evil on your behinds and we don't want that now do we?

You see, their mom works the night shift and really likes her sleep, so if you had actually talked to my children you would know it's a very bad idea to wake up their mother, bad things happen when that happens.

So, unless you are actually dying do not ring that bell till at least 11 AM, mmkay?


Dear children,

If you want to save your friends please advise them of what time they can ring the bell.

Much love!


Dear husband,

I love you very much and I know you try your best to appease the chocolate demon I have, but if you buy me chocolate please make sure it doesn't say "Made in China" because I will not eat it nor will I allow our children to eat it.

No, I will not even allow you to eat it. Did you not hear about the problems with the stuff coming from China? I'm not about to risk it.

Just buy me the cookies I love so dearly and it will be all good, okay?

Love and Smooches!


Dear BossMan,

Could please kick IT in the ass and get them to fix my computer already? I don't really like having to sit with the screaming young ladies instead of sitting at my very quiet desk. My friend and I are very quiet when we work, because we are mature enough to know that screaming every conversation is not the way to go through life.

Plus, I keep having to get up and get things from my desk that I need to do my job.

If you won't kick IT in the butt, then allow me to do just that.

Thanks!


Dear Daughter,

Could you please stop antagonizing your little brother by wearing his clothes? I swear the next time you two get into it over that issue I will duct tape you two together!

Your stressed out mom!


Dear Big Guy,

Thanks for all the help with the housework and dinner, you are very sweet. I don't like to cook, so you do it for me is a great help!

Psstt! I know you are still a mom's guy underneath it all and that is fine with me.

Smooches!

Irving Patrick Freleigh
06-14-2008, 02:21 AM
Dear Dave Bush:

You stink. You suck. You throw like an 8-year-old girl. It boggles my mind how you can be a starting pitcher on a Major League Baseball team.

Also, you suck.

No love but much sincerity,
Me

P.S.- Did I mention you suck? Well you do.

saint
06-14-2008, 03:11 AM
Dear nasty old smelly men at the bar:

You are as old as, if not older than, my father. I've made it obvious I'm not intrested. If you persist I'll tell you where to stick it. If you touch me, my cousin playing pool will knock the living shit out of you. As will my brother, who is getting me a drink. Both of whom are built like football players.

Fuck off,
Saint.

P.s. TAKE A FUCKING SHOWER!!!

Dear new boss:
No, I will not scrob the floor for you on my hands and knees because you wont go out and by a decent scrub brush, or some decent floor cleaner. I'm not tearing my muscles/knees/hands/back up for you, or for anyone.

(and yes, I told her this)

thanks!
Saint.

Amethyst Hunter
06-14-2008, 03:55 AM
Dear rain, thunderstorms, severe weather, and everything else along those lines,

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. We have been visited by you FOR THE PAST TWO FUCKING WEEKS. We have had tornado watches/warnings EVERY DAMN DAY for like a solid week alone. Areas are flooded senseless and some people are stuck cleaning up debris from the wind's various temper tantrums. A few unfortunate folks have even lost their homes.

All we need is the occasional steady rain to keep things from going into drought. We do not need all this wild insane shit that blows up and cranks out supercells like a bad bout of diarrhea. Yes, I know this is the Midwest, but come on. This is bullshit. The universe sucks enough as it is. Please stop making it worse.

Also, thank you for taking your asshole friends Heat and Humidity with you for the coming 7-day forecast. I hate them too.

Sick of 'weathering' all the crap,

Me

Irving Patrick Freleigh
06-15-2008, 03:29 AM
Dear Ned Yost:

You're stupid. I may be drunk, high and have only one testicle (jk!), but even I could see Julian Tavarez couldn't throw anything remotely resembling a strike tonight.

You can't be fired soon enough. You are the Numbnuts of MLB managers. Right now I'm all for pumping you full of jelly doughnuts and decaf so you fall asleep and somebody else has to manage the Brewers.

Me.

Meh. At least I can take solace in the fact that baseball is about the only sport where a team from Minnesota can beat a team from Wisconsin. :D

Bella_Vixen
06-15-2008, 04:32 AM
Dear stupid ass people--

When we tell you that the ONLY way to get to Madison, The Dells, Minnesota, etc. is to go 15 miles down the road to 43, take that to Beloit, and then pick up whatever highway there to get back to Madison, then obviously that is THE ONLY WAY to get there.

Yes, 94 West is CLOSED, and will continue to be so for at least a couple more days. 18 is closed. 16 is closed. EVERY single highway going west is CLOSED.

Do we look like we are joking? Other customers asked the police when they were here on their breaks. Guess what <city>'s finest told them? If you said, go 15 miles down the road to 43, take that to Beloit, and then pick up whatever highway there to get back to Madison, then you get a shot of Jamesons on me.

Do you think we would send you all the way down to the f'ing Illinois border as a joke??

Read a newspaper. Watch the news. Listen to the radio, people! This SHOULDN'T be news to you!

Get over yourselves.



--An EXTREMELY pissed off me

Saydrah
06-15-2008, 04:51 AM
Dear SO,

I love you, but some days I really don't like you. We went out to the Ren Faire, I was afraid you would pay no attention to me and make me the fifth wheel because your friend whose birthday it was this week and your family would be along, and I expressed that, and you promised this would not be the case. I am shy in company, especially with your family, and easily get overlooked.

Apparently I should have been more clear, because the meaning you must have taken is, "Check back occasionally to see how Saydrah is doing in between dragging her all over the fair to follow your parents as they buy your little sister everything she wants. As an occasional diversion, check back occasionally to see how Saydrah is doing in between dragging her all over the fair to follow your friend as he buys himself birthday gifts."

There were shows, jousts, elephant rides, pirates, a hypnotist, a petting zoo... but did we take any of these in? No. We, both having no money, watched other people shop all day. Which, oddly, doesn't bug you, but it bugs me.

GRRR.

-Woman Scorned


Dear SO's Bipolar Disorder,

Fuck off, pretty please?

-GRRR.


Dear Magellan,

Ewwww your abscess popped... but thank goodness, I was getting worried...

-Grossed out owner


Dear SO's Dad,

Your daughter is 20. You do not have to spoil her rotten like a toddler anymore. Your spoiling is the reason she ACTS like a toddler still. She gets anything she wants while you ignore your sons even when they have a pressing need, like a doctor's bill for a medical emergency that they can't pay in time to avoid collections. Meanwhile, you buy your little girl rings and hats and dresses as if she's your personal Barbie doll, and she takes full advantage of her direct line to your wallet.

-Annoyed Observer


Dear SO's Sister,

Surprisingly, you are occasionally tolerable enough to have a conversation with. However, that is about the highest praise I can justify giving you.

-Your Brother's Girl


Dear Elephants at the Ren Faire,

Well, at least YOU paid attention to me. Uhm, thanks for the shower, I think?

-Snotted By Elephants

crazylegs
06-15-2008, 03:36 PM
Dear R

You looked wonderful yesterday and G very obviously loves you, congratulations (I'll get the photos ready ASAP ok?).

Crazylegs

hawkchick11
06-15-2008, 05:44 PM
Dear Cedar and Iowa Rivers,

Please go back in your banks, I don't want to be stuck in my hometown for a week just so I can go to work. Because of you, I-380 is closed for a week. And please, do not do this again.. or wait 100 years please. Too many friends and family lost everything.

Thanks,
A very greatful hawkchick11

monolayth
06-15-2008, 07:40 PM
Dear jaw and ear,

Please stop hurting really I do like you but right now I am condemplating clawing you off. This is getting redicluous.

Painfully,
The owner of the body


Dear dr's ,

No seriously this fucking hurts. Please take me seriously. And no the antibiodiacs are not working. And the whole take tylonal and ibprohen thig is so not working. I know that a lot of people are drug seekers. and yeah mabey I am seeking them but it is not to abuse them it is to make this pain go away. Yes sometimes it is only a dull ache that hurts quite badly which is when you see me. But other times I am shaking with pain and crying.

I called in to work today because it hurt too much i didnt think it was safe for me to drive. I am all kinds of distracted. Luckly tommrrow and wed are my days off. I will be seen tommrrow morning it not in my regular dr office then i am marching my painful self down to the emergency room down the street.

It has been like this for over a week now. I am done.

Painful and upset,

Monolayth

CaroPhoenix
06-15-2008, 10:35 PM
Dear Dream Self -

Please stop having erotic dreams about rawking assistant manager! :o He's a nice guy and a good friend. :D That's it. Go back to the dreams starring Edward Norton. Please?

Dreamless,
IDaR

-------------------------------------------
Dear Body,

Child is alsmot done with her ear infection & sore throat. Why did you have to pick them up along with a fever and dizziness? :cry: I don't have time to be sick!

Dizzy & sickly,
IDaR

------------------------------------------
Dear Eye Doctor,

I hope you can do something about my double vision. Even if it only means that I don't have to get prisms ever again in my glasses. Whew.

Hopefully,
IDaR

SengaKitty
06-15-2008, 10:41 PM
Dear Birthday,

Hurry up and get here so I can see my son! I'm tired of waiting, a month and 8 days is far too long.

Yours Hopefully
RHPG

Evil Queen
06-15-2008, 11:10 PM
Dear IDaR,

Foreigner says Hello. :D

Feeling down 'n' dirty, feeling kinda mean
I've been from one to another extreme
This time I had a good time, ain't got time to wait
I wanna stick around 'till I can't see straight

Fill my eyes with that double vision
No disguise for that double vision
Ooh, when it gets through to me, it's always new to me
My double vision gets the best of me

Never do more than I, I really need
My mind is racing, but my body's in the lead
Tonight's the night, I'm gonna push it to the limit
I live all of my years in a single minute

Fill my eyes with that double vision
No disguise for that double vision
Ooh, when it gets through to me, it's always new to me
My double vision always seems to get the best of me, the best of me, yeah-eah eah-eah-hey

Ooh-ooh (oooh) ooh-ooh, double vision
(Oooh) I need double vision
(Oooh, double vision) it takes me out of my head, takin' me out of my head
(Oooh, double vision) I get my double vision, woa-oah
(Oooh, double vision) seeing double double, double vision
(Oooh, double vision) oh-oh my my double vision
(Oooh, double vision) double vision, yeah-ah-ah eah-eah eah-eah ah
(Oooh, double vision) I get double vision, oooh
How, how?


-EQ

flyinghi
06-15-2008, 11:32 PM
Dear idrinkarum

Your avatar is the best Ive seen in a very long time It made me smile and really cheered me up !! :D

Thank you ever so much


Flyinghi

Shangri-laschild
06-16-2008, 01:00 AM
Dear Ty,

I can't believe you're almost 2 already. You are growing so fast. Please don't turn out like your dad. My sister is a good kid but maybe if you didn't have the need to learn every lesson the hard way like she does. I'm glad she picked who she did to take care of you and glad we're all still a part of your life. Watching you grow up gives me patience in dealing with my sister.

your aunt


Dear Mom,
Thank you. Since this whole thing last thanksgiving all I've wanted from you is to hear that what he did was wrong and that you are pissed at him. Today for the first time I didn't have to doubt that it was him you blamed and you agreed with my choice. That meant a lot.

greatful,
me


Dear grandma

You are sweet and you meam well...but you are freaking crazy. I'm really hoping it's from the years of booze and not gendtic because if this is what I'm going to be like in my old age I might take back that wanting to grow old thing. Mom's already told me to shoot her if she turns into you. I love you. But you drive me crazy in an amussed exhasperated way. Also thanks for the loan of the skirt so i could see the kid.

still amused by the water bed,
me

the_std
06-16-2008, 01:30 AM
Dear Honey,

You have to keep taking your meds. This is your third seizure in the past ten months, and you've only had five since you were born. This growing frequency does not bode well.

On the other hand, I'm glad only your left shoulder dislocated this time, rather than both of them. You were in less pain at the hospital and will have an easier recovery. Sadly, seeing as how this is the third time you've dislocated this shoulder, you will probably need surgery and lots of physical therapy. And that might interfere with your plans of going to Uni for your piano performer's degree.

But, even with all these setbacks, and even with all this pain and suffering, please know that I love you and will be here to take care of you, whether it's seven hours in the emergency room or a lifetime at your side.

Loving you very muchly,
Me

(PS. Can I have some of those drugs the nice doctor gave you? I want to sleep too! :p)

TealJellyfish
06-16-2008, 06:07 AM
Dear B,

Thank you for being an awesome boss and an awesome person. The patience and care you show is awesome. Thank you for having a sense of Humour and for making me laugh!

Signed

Lex

Dear D,

Your a jackarse. Your my friend but your a jackarse. No one can help you unless you help yourself. I am not going to chase you and make you help yourself! Especially in the week i find out my Grandpa has cancer among other things. Grow up.

Lex

RetailWorkhorse
06-16-2008, 06:54 AM
Dear Throat,

What the heck? I wake up and you're SORE?! WHY???

....this isn't because I mixed bleach and Ammonia, is it?

-RW

Dear new DragonBallZ game commercial,

YOU'RE PRONOUNCING IT WRONG! DO IT RIGHT!!

Ka-MAI-ha-MAI-ha,
-RW

Dear Girls Gone Wild Commercials,

You're funny and all, but I really rather like your brother-commercial for Guys Gone Wild a lot better. Something about that one guy in the hardhat without a shirt. If he had the REST of the young Village People I'd be really really happy.

Lots of love and laughter,
-RW

Dear Sick Customer,

...I know it sucks to have a Summer cold, I've had one, but if YOU'RE the reason I have a sore throat, I'm hunting you down and giving you an enema without lube.

No love and lots of eyerolls,
-RW

Dear AM S,

....I TOLD YOU to take a break from the open-to-closes and what happens? YOU GET SICK. And this was the week that SM C was supposed to go on Vacay, you had 40 hours this week! I pity ya, I really do, but I TOLD YOU to take better care of yourself. I've watched you suffer from sugar-crashes for the past month, I KNOW what it's doing to you. How the hell do you think I got sick in the first place?

Aggravated but working to keep you well,
Your Cashier

RetailWorkhorse
06-16-2008, 06:56 AM
Dear Peppermint herbal tea,

I LOVES YOUS. Whoever came up with you should be given a sainthood.

Muchly appreciated,
-RW
(The one who buys out the entire stock at Ingles at every opportunity)

CaroPhoenix
06-16-2008, 11:57 AM
Dear EQ -

Thank you for the Foreigner song! :roll: It made me laugh until I choked and coughed and then I laughed some more. :D

Double visioned,
IDaR

-------------------------------------------
Dear Flyinghi,

Thank you for liking my avatar. :) I'm a huge geek and I found it amusing when I came across it ages ago. :D Are you a Star Trek fan and if so, who's your favorite captain?

Mine is Kirk,
IDaR

Shangri-laschild
06-16-2008, 07:55 PM
Dear Ears,

If you are going to pop the whole way to Maddison and not be team players then maybe next road trip you just won't be invited to come along.

Me


Dear Self,

Maybe next time you go on a week vacation, you should take more than two books, since you finished those two days into said vacation. It's a good thing I can stop by a bookstore. I'm on book 7 of Dresden...I may finish book 10 by the end of vacation :p

flyinghi
06-16-2008, 08:09 PM
Dear idrinkarum

Yes I am indeed a Star Trek geek!! I'm also Canadian so its a double whammy re: your avatar :D

I am firmly in the Picard camp in regards to best captain- I love his galantly philosophical style as well as deeply conflicted inner battle in some episodes and most notably in First Contact also, he's french and so am I so Im somewhat biaised lol

Benjermin Siscko would be my second choice ( DS9 was such an underated series)

Have you read Wil Wheaton's analyses of early TNG episodes? its seldom updated but they are absolutly HILARIOUS!! and very imformative


yours in Trek
Flyinghi

iradney
06-16-2008, 08:47 PM
Dear Work

Please let this week be the last one that I'm travelling for a while. Like a month maybe? This is now the 3rd week in a row where I bugger off to the other office, and the 6th week over the past two months. I'd really LOVE to stay at the place where I, you know, LIVE. AND PAY RENT AT.
If I have to come again next week, you'll have to sweeten the deal somehow, or I will "mysteriously" develop an ailment that prevents me from travelling, but is not life threatening.

DIAF
rads

CaroPhoenix
06-16-2008, 09:17 PM
Dear Body,

What do you mean I have strep throat??? And an ear infection!? GAH!!! I hope the medication I was given works quickly - I hate being sick.

Sick,
IDaR

---------------------------------------------
Dear flyinghi,

At least you didn't say your favorite Captain was Pike (like my husband did a week ago). Grrrr ... what can you say about Captain Pike? 2 episodes and the second one, he was crippled and deformed but yet he got to go to that one planet where he was handsome and vital and young again and he got the girl!

Trekingly,
IDaR

RetailWorkhorse
06-17-2008, 03:36 AM
Dear flyinghi and idrinkarum,

JANEWAY FOR THE WIN! GO HARRY KIM! WHOOO!!!

*Runs*

Wanna travel through the Delta Quadrant,
-RW

Misanthropical
06-17-2008, 02:53 PM
Dear allergies,

STOP ALREADY! You are driving me nuts! Plus, having you makes my coworkers stupid, so they have to ask EVERY FRIGGEN DAY if I have a cold and I have to explain once again I have allergies.

Dear BossMan,

Thank you for finally fixing my computer, but you didn't pick up on my hints for a new keyboard till I came right out and asked for one. My hands hurt from haing to slam the keys on the old one to get them to work. It's partially my fault for just not coming out and asking in the first place.

Also, please stop threating me that if I get you sick you are going to kill me. I told you I HAVE ALLERGIES! YOU DON'T CATCH ALLERGIES! GRRRRRRRR!!!!! I'm going to kill you if you don't stop going on and on about it.

Dear weird coworker on the end,

Stop staring at me and my friend with that "I'm going to eat your liver" smile on your face! If you were a man that would be strange, but you have to make it even more strange by being another woman. I swear if I turn around one more time and you are staring at me I'm going to beat you over the head with my computer.

Oh, and only my friends can tell me how very weird I am when I have one of my weird outbursts. You make me look normal, because I don't stare at people for no reason.


Dear friend,

I don't know how on earth you put up with my ADD. Yes, I see that look you give me when I do my weird outbursts, the look one that says "why you are not in a straight jacket"? but you still humor me.

You're the greatest!


Dear maintance,

I made the doorbell stop working for a reason. STOP FIXING IT! Fix my fridge instead.

Becks
06-18-2008, 12:54 AM
Dear CS.com,

I missed you.

Back for more,

Becks

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear PSE&G,

You rock.

Gratefully,

a customer

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear AT&T and/or Verizon,

You suck.

Long and hard.

Not in a good way.

Fuck you,

a customer

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear MOTH,

Please take me out to get a new cell phone. It's annoying to me AND everyone I try to talk to when no one can hear me.

I'll pay for the damn thing myself. Just take me to a T-Mobile store.

Thanks in advance,

me

monolayth
06-18-2008, 01:12 AM
Dear dentist,

Thank you. I am glad that you took the time to figure out what was wrong with me. I like that you were gentile and are taking the steps needed to make me feel better. and yeah I hurt a heck of a lot less.

You rock.
monolayth.

Dear ear and tooth, get better now or i will personally rip you both off. It hurts and shouldnt!

pissy monolayth

Amethyst Hunter
06-18-2008, 06:27 AM
Dear Misanthropical,

You have allergies AND ADD?? I think I *heart* you now.

A fellow sufferer of both. ;)

Misanthropical
06-18-2008, 09:34 AM
Dear Amethyst Hunter

Yes, I have both. We should start a gang! :wave:


Dear dentist from yesterday,

Why did you have to get all Stabby McStabby with the Novocain? I was not fighting you or acting like a loon, so what gives? You are no longer allowed near my mouth, mmkay?


Dear Insomnia,

You suck more than my allergies. I was suppose to get lots of sleep last night, so I could go to work tonight, what gives?


Dear Maintance guy,

I'm sorry I had to get a bit rude to get you out to fix my fridge yesterday, but the milk was warm and stuff was defrosting in the freezer. Thanks for fixing it, though.


Dear Daughter,

I love you more than the world and would gladly take a bullet for you, but if you are late coming in one more time and cause me to worry about you when I'm at work I will be forced to kick your behind.

Smooches!


Dear sons,

Is it really necessary to yell at each other when you are sitting 5 feet apart? Do you think the other one is deaf? I know it's not because you are mad at each other, so what is it? Is this yet another plot to drive your mother insane?

Knock it off!


Dear Big Guy,

Could you cut me a break and warn me in advance that you are going to be eating something that will gross me, so that I don't walk in the kitchen and see it?

Thanks so much!


Dear Little Guy,

It's not necessary to tell BossMan that you will kick his behind if he is mean to your mommy every time you see him. I will let you know if BossMan is being mean, mmkay?


Dear Ree,

Did your email go down? Did you break your fingers? Don't make me have to come up there! :D

Shangri-laschild
06-18-2008, 01:20 PM
Dear C

I wish I had taken the time to get to know you when I had the chance. Thank you for everything.


Dear J

Please be ok

draftermatt
06-18-2008, 01:38 PM
Dear Sears and your Installer,

I really hope everything goes well today. I want my television! If it doesn't I'll be returning it all. Also, please call me back to verify I'm still on the schedule for today. I'd greatly appreciate it.

crazylegs
06-18-2008, 02:38 PM
Dear Application Form

I know it's not your fault you're so infuriating but C'MON give me a morsel of a break at least!

Yours, annoyed

Crazylegs.

Sheldonrs
06-18-2008, 02:48 PM
Dear Sisters,


I love you both very much. And yes, I know I'm the "baby" of the family. But let's get real. I'm getting close to 50 years old!!! If you ask me what my plans are for the weekend and I say I'm going shopping for some clothes, that does not mean you should go into panic mode and ship me multiple pairs of pants and several shirts! I know I don't make a lot of money but I'm not living on the streets.
If I say I need to go grocery shopping, that does not mean I am starving. Please do NOT send me 3 frickin' crates of food from Omaha Steaks!!! I have ONE freezer and it's not industrial size.
And if I tell you a friend of mine wants me to go to Vegas with her and I tell her I can't afford it this week, that does not mean I am penniless and you need to send me "just a coulpe hundred dollars in case of emergencies".

I know I'll never have much savings and I'll never be able to afford to retire but let's face it, nobody in our family lives past 62 anyway and I'm happy. Plus I smoke. Dying young IS my retirement plan! :lol:

Like I said, I love you guys. Now start spending your money on yourselves!


(yeah, I know this seems like a silly thing to complain about but it sure gets on my nerves!)

crazylegs
06-18-2008, 03:52 PM
Dear Bloues.

Thank you so much, the next stage I was going to go through would have involved me throwing the computer out of the window.

*giant squishy hugs*

P

protege
06-18-2008, 08:42 PM
Dear Baxter and Sally...

Was it really necessary to trash my office? I mean, I'm sure those house plants were tasty and all, but did you really have to throw all of the potting soil all over the floor? Oh, and I think the entire roll of TP you decided to shred was a bit over the top.

--Pro

Aramika
06-19-2008, 07:06 PM
Dear Ankle,

Stop hurting, I mean it.

In pain,
Me

Bella_Vixen
06-20-2008, 03:52 AM
Dear left hip--

Please stop hurting/spasming. If I knew what I was doing to cause you to do that, I'd stop.

--Me



************************************************** **************

Dear Mom--

You sure know how to take the surprise out of things. :cry:

--Me



************************************************** **************

Dear feet--

Why are my toes so ugly? Because of you, I canNOT find any decent sandals.

You suck.

--Me



************************************************** ***************

Dear Co-Worker A:

Damn you, I am now addicted to Charlie the Unicorn.

:giggle:

--Your fave AM



************************************************** *************

Dear every store in creation:

Why can't you sell sandals that will cover my ugly toes?? I assure you, I am NOT the only person who wants to cover her toes. I've seen uglier toes then mine.

Please help to cover the ugly toes of the world.

Pleadingly--

--Me

iradney
06-20-2008, 10:06 AM
Dear Bloues.

Thank you so much, the next stage I was going to go through would have involved me throwing the computer out of the window.

*giant squishy hugs*

P

Dear Pooks

You're welcome. The bill's in the mail :)

Later
B

CaroPhoenix
06-20-2008, 01:10 PM
Dear Bella_Vixen,

Have you tried Birkenstocks? Or even Crocs? I know Birkenstock make covering-the-toes type sandal as my MIL has the same ugly toes syndrome as you.

Hope you find some sandals soon,
IDaR

hawkchick11
06-20-2008, 01:22 PM
Dear Father of my Son,


I was happy for you when you told me that you found a job before graduating college. I even got over the fact that you told me you were going to have to travel 1-2 weeks every month. But what doesn't make me happy is when you hand me your travel schedule for the next 8 months and you're gone 5 times, for a minimum of 5 weeks each time.

1-2 weeks every month, eh? How am I suppose to work, take care of our son and finish college with you not around? My family is too far away to help out. And you wanted joint custody, and 50/50 visitation, and didn't want to pay child support? I'm still laughing at that one.


From
Your baby mama

Becks
06-20-2008, 03:26 PM
Dear Lizziebeff,

If your toes are anything like mine, they're not bad. A LOT better than some people's that I can name *coughfutureMILcoughcoughcoworkerscough* and biscuit help us, they were sandals with no shame.

Somewhat helpfully...maybe,

Becks

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear fingernails,

Please stop peeling and breaking.

I don't know why you're doing this.

Perplexed,

me

crazylegs
06-20-2008, 06:37 PM
Dear Pooks

You're welcome. The bill's in the mail :)

Later
B

Dear Bloues,

I can pay in pretty pictures...?

P

blas
06-20-2008, 08:22 PM
Dear Men's Razor,

Wow, 3 blades really are better than two! Thanks for getting rid of all that nasty hair that girls' razors just can't do.......instead of wasting 15 minutes shaving twice, I only had to do it once with one directional strokes.

Never buying women's razors again,

Blas

MystyGlyttyr
06-20-2008, 09:23 PM
Dear Emotional,

It's been a year ago that for some reason, you pulled a trick you hadn't done since you were 14 and just swallowed your feelings about the entire thing. And now, a year almost to the day later, your issues are flying back to the surface and you're breaking down at highly inappropriate times, like, oh, in the middle of work. And even though you have the most compassionate, understanding coworkers on earth, people you would cheerfully kill for, you're refusing to talk to them about it and just upsetting everyone else along with yourself.

You remember how bad you almost fucked yourself up as a kid with this whole "lone wolf" mentality about dealing with things? You got away with it back then because you were ALONE. Remember being alone like that because you dealt with problems by indiscriminately bashing their faces in? Kinda made it hard for anyone to notice that you were human and had emotions but it wasn't worth the crushing loneliness. Now people actually give a shit about you and pay attention to you and you can't hide stuff like this anymore but you're trying to pretend like you're okay when you're obviously not. DUMBASS.

Knock it off, bite the bullet, and talk to these people before they call your mother, for God's sakes. And let go. It's been a year. You've absorbed the shock, trust me. It's time to mourn properly and move past this. They'd tell you themselves that it wasn't worth it.

Sincerely,
Logical

Misanthropical
06-21-2008, 05:10 AM
Dear daughter,

I'm sorry I didn't mean to look at you with a shocked look on my face when you told me you had started your first period. I knew it was coming, but I still think of you as my little girl.

However, I almost fell off my chair laughing at the look your father had on his face, since you didn't whisper to me, but told me in front of him! Damn, that's funny stuff right there!


Dear lady I talked to tonight,

I really am grateful at how patient you were with me when I was researching your acct. I felt bad when you kept telling me that you didn't mind and were just grateful I was trying to help.

You rock out loud and don't let anyone tell you different.


Dear coworkers,

What the hell is up with getting all nasty with people about what chair you think is yours? I can not wrap my head around being so possessive of a freaking chair!

Grow up and stop trying to engrave your names on certain chairs. I'm sure our company would not be happy to see their property being damaged like that. I will laugh if you guys get fired for that shit.


Dear Wendy's,

WTF is up with you guys giving me a regular Coke when I ask for a diet? You guys seem to do it every other time, which means my friend has to pull over so I can go in and get what I ordered! I see it on the board when I order as a diet, so what is going on?

It's starting to piss me off, so knock it off!

Also, is there a napkin and a ketchup shortage? When we ask for extra napkins and ketchup, it does not mean 2 of each.

If you guys keep doing this shit we will go else where for our snack before work, got it?


Dear perfume bath coworker,

You know I don't like you and all that perfume you wear makes me gag, so stop trying to talk to me! Go the hell away! Don't ask about my family, don't ask what I'm working on, it's none of your business, so take your smelly self as far away as possible from me.

I will turn a fire hose on you! I mean it!


Dear other office on the other side of the country,

Are you people mentally challenged or what? Trying to read your notes is like trying to figure out what a monkey typed out. Don't they do drug testing in that call center?

Seriously, notes is not the place to put your AOL speak into. If you guys don't start typing in a way that normal person could understand I will travel out there just to bash you in the had with your keyboards!

Oh, and stop pissing off our customers. I don't appreciate being yelled at for your dumbass mistakes.

Also, don't type rude notes to us. According to our stats, we get more results than you, so watch and learn.


Dear BossMan,

I'm sorry I have been so scattered this week. I don't why I have been so scattered, but it's starting to annoy me. Thanks for all the help, though.

RetailWorkhorse
06-21-2008, 05:58 AM
Dear Wisdom Teeth,

Considering you're called WISDOM teeth, I assume that should only mean that you grant wisdom. It's not WISDOM if you make the REST of my mouth HURT LIKE HELL. If you don't straighten up and fly right, I'm going to the Dentist-Vet to get you PULLED!

%(@&E!!!

-RW

Dear Co-Worker A:

Damn you, I am now addicted to Charlie the Unicorn.

:giggle:

--Your fave AM

Dear Bella,

It's a Bridge, CHARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLIE!

:D -RW

Dear fingernails,

Please stop peeling and breaking.

I don't know why you're doing this.

Perplexed,

me

Dear Sunny Shiny of The Becky Persuasion,

Protein is your friend. Along with Jello. Seriously.

-RW

Parrothead
06-22-2008, 12:41 AM
Dear mouth-breathing lazy-ass kennel staff (with a few exceptions):
LEARN HOW TO DO YOUR MOTHER LOVING JOBS!


You are only allowed to have a dog off-leash in the yard if you are the trainer. Hate to break it to you: YOU AREN'T!

For the love of all that is holy: NEVER take a dog out of a kennel on the side that's being cleaned. The cleaner can make them sick.

It takes ONE person to clean the cat room, not five. Kennel Manager told only ONE of you to do this, the rest of you get back to the kennel and finish the Goddamn playtimes!!

While I'm on the subject: Empty the damn cat room trash can when you finish cleaning the cat suites. It is full of used litter, it's not going to smell any better tomorrow.

Also, do the dogs' playtimes before the cats'. There are more of them, and the cats are the reward.

Yes, the managers smoke. Yes, about half the staff smokes. Yes, they take lots of little breaks throughout the day. Yes, in all fairness, you should get lots of little breaks, too. But, may I point out: The smokers (and those who go out and talk to them without smoking) clock out to have their smoky treats. YOU DIDN'T. And that's fucking unfair to those of us who don't smoke, and don't choose to sit around with our thumbs up our respective asses and instead do YOUR JOB!

Your (not so) loving coworker.

PS. To the kennel's answer to Ditzy Twit: Yes, you were yelled at. But you put two dogs that have/want nothing to do with each other in the same run. You did it twice. You are damned lucky that all the dogs in question aren't aggressive. Both times, it was a smaller dog with a bigger dog. One of them could have been seriously injured or killed. You will get no sympathy from me. If you thought but didn't know, ask! We will help. Really. We don't bite.

PPS. To the kennel's answer to Numbnuts: I know jack about bird-caused injuries. However, I told you what I thought about your question (do you need a shot if a bird bites you? no). If you still aren't sure, there is a library down the road, there's a vet in the building behind us, and there is the wonderful invention of Google. If you don't have a computer at home, the managers could set you up on the on-site computers to look it up, so stop asking.

PPPS. to the birds:


Sunshine: You are a vicious, nasty thing. I'm getting a scar where you bit me, and I was helping you! Bastard.

Sunny: WTF? You were sweet all while you were boarding, and then you bite me? That hurt, you bitch!

Sunny's People: I have no control over the price. My manager has no control over the price after you've paid. Calling us after your bird has boarded, you've paid, and you and bird are home, NO ONE CAN CHANGE THE PRICE! If you weren't happy about the price, ARGUE BEFORE YOU PAID! Gah.

Coco: No one likes you because you scream and try to eat them when they are by the time clock. I hope the manager finds you a home soon.

Chico: You are too cute! Would your people mind if i stole you?

monolayth
06-22-2008, 01:03 AM
Dear self.

You should have taken the whole day off and stayed having fun at the party.

bored,

Monolayth

Shangri-laschild
06-22-2008, 02:48 AM
Posted via Mobile Device

Shangri-laschild
06-22-2008, 03:02 AM
Dear vacation,

I spent the first third of you hiding in the basement trying to aviod grandma so that my nerves didn't snap. I'm not full out grouchy like that often and dealing with her only gets harder as time goes by.

At the begining of the second third I heard the news about Caleb. We used to be coworkers. He was a really good friend to J. I spent the rest of that third alternating between denile and feeling really helpless. Trying to fall asleep and not think of his bike going under the semi was hard.

The last third has been a mix of dealing with sorting all my thoughts out while again dealing with grandma. Thank god for george today and the books i stocked up on while in maddison or I would have gone awol a couple of times by now. So I have to say, as far as vacations go, you suck...

Signed,
someone who's staying in town for a couple of months.

Sarlon
06-22-2008, 05:35 AM
Dear Idiot that cut me off today,

The New York hello is NOT the way to tell someone that you are an idiot...I had dogs in the car and was watching the road carefully. but YOU took it into your head that you just HAD to cut in front of me speeding rapidly out infront of me then slamming on your breaks cause there was a REASON I slowed down...oh yeah that speed trap with the police man sitting right there...I will not appologize for the smug grin plastered on my face as I passed you by...because its your own damn fault! :wave::lol:

Much hate and anger... Sarlon

Dear Ex Boyfriend J,
Go to hell...don't pretend that you want to get back with me because things aren't going the way you want with your current girlfriend. You were seeing her before we even broke up...don't deny it either. I will admit we hurt each other but like hell I'm gonna take the blame for moving out...I rather enjoy my sanity where it is...

I'm wasting no more tears on you...I pity you because I wasn't what you expected you gave up on me to easily....now you never give up on your new girlfriend. I can explain that actually...your such a little child that you are afraid to be alone. don't talk to me about how much better things are...I know shes been giving you hell and you're just putting up with it.

You called me a worthless, hypocritical, failure, who did nothing but waste your time. Funny...when we were dating you said that "I was your soul mate, and you could see us spending the rest of your life with me." Funny...I turned down 4 marriage proposals from you because each time...for the same reason nontheless, you were still in college, working a 60 hour week, and barely making ends meet. THEN you tell me you went behind my back to purchase an engagement ring....WHEN WE KNEW MONEY WAS SHORT!!!

I'm over you...but I'm VERY sorely disappointed in you. You gave up on me, and tell me that I gave up on you...funny...I wanted to try and make things work...you just turned a massively cold shoulder on me...then when YOU were ready....you couldn't figure out why I was being so cold and closed off to you....hmm....wonder why?!

Your not so friendly...and still crying...EX girlfriend...

MystyGlyttyr
06-22-2008, 08:27 PM
Dear Folks Who Have Messaged or Otherwise Tried To Contact Me,

I'm fine. Despite how the above letter I wrote sounds, I'm not on the brink or anything. It's just a rather trying couple of dates at the moment and I'm just working through a few little things, so you don't need to worry. By next weekend, I should be back to my usual snarling, violent, half-crazed self. Thanks for the concern, though. As soon as I think I'm able to hold up my own end of a conversation, I'll see about getting back with you. :)

And yeah, I do note the irony of telling myself I need to talk to people about my problems and then not wanting to talk to you guys. I just don't want to dump on ya'll when I have a perfectly useful group of folks to dump on here who know me a little better (no offense :o ). Otherwise, what I have to dump about would require a lot of dull explanations. But trust me, just seeing that there are folks who are willing to talk is just as good as actually talking, so your offers are very, very, VERY appreciated. :love:

Thankfully,
Mysty

Bella_Vixen
06-23-2008, 03:28 AM
Dear Becks, Rummy, and everyone else who was concerned--

I found some sandals that I liked enough to have Mom buy me for my birthday. :wave: They cover my ugly toes enough that it looks like my pinkie toes don't exist. :lol:

Happily--

Me

************************************************** **************

Dear RW--


It's a Choo Choo Shoe!

--B_V

Becks
06-23-2008, 03:34 AM
Dear RW,

I guess I gotta stock up on Jell-O.

Thanks for the heads up.

Much love,

Becks

Rine
06-23-2008, 03:44 AM
Dear God or whomever might be listening/reading,

Please save my older sister's puppy. He's only had six months on this Earth and it's just not right. She'll be devastated if she has to put him down tomorrow. Please let the news be good tomorrow.

Thank you,

Rine

CaroPhoenix
06-25-2008, 08:35 PM
Dear Body,

I am on birth control pills to regulate my monthlies and to keep the pain & overly heavy flow and the clots from getting to me. No more doubling over in pain when I even think about moving and no more headaches and no more wanting to throw up! :cry: I no likey this! I thought the pills were supposed to lighten the flow, not make it so heavy and clot-y that I know when they're coming.

No love,
IDaR

---------------------------------------------
Dear Child,

Why you no take a nap? I tired! :cry: I have headache! :cry: I acting like a 5-year-old now! You better go to bed early so I can sleep too!

Tiredly,
Your Mommy
IDaR

--------------------------------------------
Dear Male who come home at Midnight,

I think you might be my hubs. At least you seem to live in this house as you have keys to the front door and you look vaguely familiar.

Would you mind at least unloading the dishwasher when you come home tonight (you said you were coming home early). I'll do the rest in the morning, when (hopefully) the worst part of my period is over and I can function again.

Your wife,
IDaR

crazylegs
06-25-2008, 08:56 PM
Dear E

Damn.

When you're in the car with me my driving goes to pot, you're the only person who has this effect on me, should this be telling me something?

You are however betrothed and I don't like rocking the boat.

Oh well.

Crazylegs.

Amethyst Hunter
06-25-2008, 10:01 PM
Dear Ebaying ass goblin,

It has been approximately a month since I bid on your auction for two rare collector's CDs that I REALLY, really wanted (and still do). In that time, I have yet to a) receive the items I paid for, and b) hear from you. Even just a "piss off" would be nice. (It WOULD piss ME off, but hey, at least I'd know you're still alive in the world) This despite the fact that I was prompt in paying with my international postal money order just like the terms of your sale stated.

Now I find that you are "no longer a registered seller"???? This disturbs me. I had thought that your feedback rating indicated that you were a decent businessperson type, but evidently I was wrong. I realize that the postal service up in your parts (Canada) can be wonky (a friend of mine up there has occasional trouble with her mail not getting delivered), but this is ridiculous. Especially considering that this is the SECOND time I have gotten screwed over on a CD I bought off eBay.

This time I'm not going to let it slide. This was for a helluva lot more money and for something that would have been special to me. I have filed an inquiry with my local post office as of this afternoon. If I find out that you have taken my money and not bothered to send me my shit, I am coming up there, high gas prices or no high gas prices, and I am hunting your ass down (I still have your address, sucker) gutting you like a fish and drinking your blood. And then I will use your entrails to decorate my Christmas tree.

Capische, mi amigo/amiga?

No love, Me :mad:

the_std
06-26-2008, 12:38 AM
Dear Self,

The seeming end of a relationship is always a hard thing to deal with, but please stop crying, cause you actually need to get things done.

Lost, Sad and Confused,
Me

protege
06-27-2008, 12:55 PM
(Given current events...)

Dear Mr. Ree.

I've never met you, but I think your wife is awesome. Can you do me one little favor? Take care of her, OK?

--Protege

Becks
06-27-2008, 11:47 PM
Dear new cell phone,

I like you already. Nice and light. Too bad you're brown, but it's almost black. Good enough for me.


Happy,

me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear MOTH's mom,

If you want us to come over to your house, can you please give a hint as to WHY? I'm paranoid now.

Worryingly,

me