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View Full Version : Your most embarrassing loud speaker moments


TSAEMP
09-07-2006, 04:52 AM
Those of us who work in stores with loudspeakers what are your most embarrassing moments on the intercom? This happened to me today I was paging someone to the phone and when I started talking I began to stutter really bad. I could not get any words out. Then I decided to put my hand over the mouth peice to take a deep breath and start over. Bad mistake because it made a very loud feedback noise which startled me and caused me to scream and drop the phone. I just wanted to run to the back room and cry. I may never get on the intercom again.

Ljt09863
09-07-2006, 05:03 AM
i am so sorry that happened,TSAEMP, but i have to find it funny......

anyways. this wasn't me, but a girl i worked with that doesn't work there anymore. anytime somebody wants a cigar out of the cigarette case, we need to call a manager, cause only they have keys.

well, she needed to page a manager for a key. heres how it went," manager to the cig-BLAH! manager to the cigar case please, manager to the cigar case!"

i thought it was hilarious....

we also had a horrible employee(horrible for other reasons) who said,"attention walmart customers..." the bad part? we are walgreens.

hecubus
09-07-2006, 06:41 AM
This reminds me of a scene from the old "Bob Newhart Show." Bob was in a grocery store, and the announcement comes over the loudspeaker, "Attention shoppers. Announcing a special in our meat department. Meat. Thank you."

I always wanted to work in a place with a public address system, just so I could do that joke.


(I know, I have no life) :wave:

Crosshair
09-07-2006, 07:27 AM
Since I am one of the few people bothers to empty the bailer I get suck doing that alot even if it isn't my job. (Hmm, how often do we all have that happen.:rolleyes: ) Anyway, the bailer is right next to the back doors. I need them unlocked to get the bale out. So I go over to the recieving phone and page for a manager to recieving to unlock the back door, then I hang up. I walk back to start making the bale. Enter Stan.

Stan is best described as an "Old Salt". Older man, works as an unloader and does a good job of it. However he likes to curse so much that it will take paint off the walls. Usualy he just yells/curses at people who don't do things "His way". I learned, long after this situation, that you just swear at him back and he goes back to unloading. "F*ck off Stan. I'm taking care of it." works 99% of the time.

What I did that was "wrong" in Stan's mind was the bailer wasn't 100% full. It was more like 95% full. Of cource the unloaders have to set pallets in front of the bailer because they run out of room and then we CAN'T empty the bailer. So I was basicly taking care it before it became a problem. Stan sees me starting the process of making the bale. He walks over to me and says, as near as I can remember, "What the hell do you think you are doing with that f*ckin thing? There's plenty of f*ckin room in the godd*m bailer to fit more cardboard. Why the hell do you always unload the godd*m thing before it's f*ckin full. (Yes that is how he talks when he is mad, it's funny to watch him when he is yelling at someone else.) I start arguing with him, not swearing, that it is going to be blocked in if I don't empty it and then overnights are going to be mad. Suddenly a manager runs into receiving and tells us to be quiet.

Now, remember when I made that page earlier. Well, it turns out I didn't hang it up properly and the whole conversation was being broadcast through the whole store.:eek: I hung up the phone properly, the unloading crew is laughing and Stan is even more pissed. Ah, fun times.:cheers:

tonydanza
09-07-2006, 07:56 AM
My first (and last) time making the closing announcement for my store telling customer's to get out, I messed up so bad my manager made fun of mr for like 3 days. I didn't think it was that bad, it just wasn't "kiss customer assish."

It went along the lines of, "Good evening michael's customer's, the time is now 10:00 and the store is now closed. We open tomorrow at 8:00."
and I hung up the phone. I didn't think it was that bad, but whatever.


However we got a new lady that's having a difficult time understanding the way the store works, and one day I heard her pick up the phone over the intercom and say "hello?" It was hilarious.

lordlundar
09-07-2006, 02:23 PM
I used to work at the greeter stand in our store, and it was basically answer phones, page for staff to pick up, check items, etc. No biggie.

This particular day, I had tons of callers and kind of went into automatic. So when I needed to page someone one time, I went on the PA. "Thank you for calling...ahhhh!" <click>. Then I paged the proper one. I'm sure my face was beet red on that one.:o

Fast foward a couple of hours, and one of our managers approaches with a customer for an item checkout. (we have tills all over the store for our sales staff to use, but all items need to be confirmed by a CSR as sold before they leave the store) After the customer left he remarked about that mis-page and started laughing.

I was in a good mood about it, so I say to him "Which would sound better? Ahhhh, or AW :censored:! He said good point and we laughed about it.:lol:

Retail's Bitch
09-07-2006, 02:43 PM
It was a monday... I wasn't completely with it... Hangover perhaps? I don't remember. I was making a PA and completely blanked in the middle of it.

Like staring at the handset and thinking. "Why am I holding the handset? What was I doing a minute ago?"

so I said something along the lines of . "Oh.. Umm wow... Mondays are not good days to make PA announcements... I'm going to hang up now." Over the PA system throughout the entire store. ;-)

Becks
09-07-2006, 02:48 PM
All I'll say is verbal dyslexia.

wagegoth
09-07-2006, 05:54 PM
All I'll say is verbal dyslexia.

Perfect.:yourock:

Now, imagine messing up a page in a law firm. That is your picture of me.

Nothing extreme, but a couple of times have ended with me choking out a laughing, "I'm sorry," then calming down and paging again. :lamer: Happily, I only fill in and don't have to handle this on a regular basis.

MadMike
09-07-2006, 06:53 PM
Sometimes a manager or another employee would page someone to call them at a certain attention, and the person they paged would dial the number for the intercom instead, purely out of habit. Most of them realized their mistake as soon as they heard their voice being broadcast throughout the entire store. The exception to this would be "James", the fuckup coworker I posted about previously. I wasn't there that day, but I hear it went something like this:

"Hello?" (pause) "Hello? (longer pause) "Did someone page me? Is anybody there? Oh crap! I'm on the intercom!" (click)

I never did anything like that myself, but one time I was about to page someone, when I dropped the phone, which made a loud clattering noise all through the store. Then when I picked it up and tried to speak, I cracked up laughing, and had to hang it up and take a moment to compose myself.

Girly
09-07-2006, 11:09 PM
We used to do the darth vader star wars stuff.

Old, I know, but it was funny at the time.

Kiwi
09-08-2006, 12:50 AM
when I first started working at the craft store we had free call over the intercom that was until me and a couple of other young co-workers thought that paging "Dr Gunge to ER please Dr Gunge to ER" was the funnyest thing ever (Gunge was one of our assistant managers)

after that the page had to be written and signed off my a dept manager unless it was calling a manager to the dept

the store manager once when to answer the phone and hit the intercom button instead of line 1 and said over the entire store "company name, office, J speaking how can I help you?" then realised what had happened and dropped the phone, intercom STILL ON and the store heard her laughing and falling over

the staff including myself were in stitches laughing so hard

draftermatt
09-08-2006, 01:03 PM
Anyone know someone that just shouldn't make pages? At the local Wal-Mart the woman that does it has a grating nasal voice. (Almost Fran Drescher like). It makes me jump when she pages something.

Jpurple
09-08-2006, 03:11 PM
It went along the lines of, "Good evening michael's customer's, the time is now 10:00 and the store is now closed. We open tomorrow at 8:00."
and I hung up the phone. I didn't think it was that bad, but whatever.


Oh god, Michael's closing announcements.... For some reason, I was good at doing the sales pages and closing announcements, so I always ended up doing them. Then came the time when I was working as a substitute teacher and part time at both Michaels' and a local computer store. The computer store was so small we didn't have a paging system, but somehow I got screwed up (excessive tiredness?) and over the Michaels' intercom said 'Good evening this is *computer store* how can I help you?' It took weeks to live that one down. :o

Becks
09-08-2006, 04:15 PM
Anyone know someone that just shouldn't make pages?

At the store, we have the chronic stutterer (I sincerely hope they ban him from making pages SOON) and the few who talk really slow so it takes five minutes to have someone come to a department or call an extension.

alphaboi
09-09-2006, 03:35 AM
Attention customers, the time is know 9:55 and Weis Markets will be closing in 5 minutes. At this time we ask that you bring your final selections to the front where our cashiers will be happy to kick you out. Thank you for shopping at your ____ Weis.

There where only 3 people in the store and the duty manager thought it was hilarious. Oh and there was the time our front-end monitor, L, started all of the closing annoucments (every 5 minutes from 9:45 to 10) with "Attention K-Mart shoppers". L hadn't worked at K-Mart for over 5 years then.

Thrifty
09-09-2006, 10:15 PM
Okay this one wasn't so bad, but it embarassed me because I didn't mean for it to come out the way it did.

One extremely busy day we had to horrible kids running around the store. I had only one cashier and was doing back up on the other register. I was trying to get away to stop them but was having trouble. Finally the line clears and I find the boys and have them go to their parent. Kids aren't listening so I decide to get on the PA and do our standard plea when kids are running around crazy.

Usually it goes something like Atten. Cust. we ask that you keep your children with you at all times.

But I was so tired and upset at the time that I said "Atten. Cust. we've asked you to keep your children with you at all times PLEASE RESPECT THAT"

The best part the mother completely ignored it.

Think Blue
09-09-2006, 11:35 PM
Once I was supposed to page the owner because he was no where to be found and he needed to sign off on important forms. I was in the break room watching a day game (baseball) and was trying to acomplish both tasks when the moment happened.

As I was paging my boss there was a home run against the Dodgers and this gem happened.

Me: Ted please come up to the foy F*** THAT Son-of-a *****, bulls***, screw you Padres

I'm no longer allowed to page people while watching baseball :lol:

CrazedClerk
09-10-2006, 01:00 AM
Not a personal story, but my friend used to work at a local grocery store and their paging system was on a delay thing of some kind. Basically you'd pick up the phone, make a page, and a couple of seconds later it would be broadcast.

However when my friend started there he didn't realize this, so he picked up to do a page and upon hearing nothing, said "oh I guess this thing isn't working."

Two seconds later, he found out he was wrong.

JustAGirl
09-10-2006, 02:51 AM
It was a monday... I wasn't completely with it... Hangover perhaps? I don't remember. I was making a PA and completely blanked in the middle of it.

Like staring at the handset and thinking. "Why am I holding the handset? What was I doing a minute ago?"

so I said something along the lines of . "Oh.. Umm wow... Mondays are not good days to make PA announcements... I'm going to hang up now." Over the PA system throughout the entire store. ;-)

**wipes monitor with towels**

oh dear if I heard that while browsing I'd have died on the floor laughin...

**gigglefit**

staticradio
09-10-2006, 03:20 AM
I once goofed on what register I was on (#13) and we state to whoever we want to contact by putting a 2 in front (213). and, for some odd reason, I spat out "grocery, call 238...er, wait..." CSM looking at me funny "grocery call 213..." :doh:

I'd really like to state what I've said here before on customers littering up the store and get away with it, but that probably would not be wise if one wants to keep their job. drat...:rolleyes:

staticradio
09-10-2006, 03:29 AM
Okay this one wasn't so bad, but it embarassed me because I didn't mean for it to come out the way it did.

One extremely busy day we had to horrible kids running around the store. I had only one cashier and was doing back up on the other register. I was trying to get away to stop them but was having trouble. Finally the line clears and I find the boys and have them go to their parent. Kids aren't listening so I decide to get on the PA and do our standard plea when kids are running around crazy.

Usually it goes something like Atten. Cust. we ask that you keep your children with you at all times.

But I was so tired and upset at the time that I said "Atten. Cust. we've asked you to keep your children with you at all times PLEASE RESPECT THAT"

The best part the mother completely ignored it.

I'd be like paging something to the effect of:

"attention customer, please attend to your children, or we will be forced to sick the dogs on them...and they're hungry...so don't try our patience, ok?"

I gurantee she doesn't ignore that page...:devil:

j/k...maybe...:roll:

Thrifty
09-11-2006, 05:03 PM
"attention customer, please attend to your children, or we will be forced to sick the dogs on them...and they're hungry...so don't try our patience, ok?"

hehe I should have totally done that, especially since I was the only manager on duty at that point. I still wouldn't be surprised if she ignored it though the way this mother was :( But I bet other parents in the store would have grabbed their kids.

Tria
09-11-2006, 06:16 PM
I'd be like paging something to the effect of:

"attention customer, please attend to your children, or we will be forced to sick the dogs on them...and they're hungry...so don't try our patience, ok?"



Then she'd sue because you threatened her children and hurt her feelings.

Department stores *sigh*
09-11-2006, 06:28 PM
heh we had a promotion for the Fat Albert dvd so i go on the PA and do his HEY HEY HEY!! over the pa :P freaked out everyone couse they thought it was a joke but nope, im a white guy who can sound like a 400 lb black guy

Zinjadu
09-12-2006, 01:17 AM
Once, one of the cashiers meant to call for another large till to be opened, but what she said over the PA was: Can we get another large cashier, please? :roll:

B, one of our male cashiers, who's like 60, tries to make closing announcements and always ends up getting things mixed up, and says 'uhhh' way too much, like every third word! We all just laugh cuz it's too funny! :lol:

I refuse to make announcements cuz I always get the giggles - all I have to do is pick up the phone, try to think what I'm going to say, and I start laughing - hopeless case.

Crosshair
09-12-2006, 02:38 AM
My mom told me this story tonight. Pray she doesn't find out I posted it here.

She was a naive young woman at the time working in a drug store at the register in the 1970's. She told me about when she had a price check for a man during the evening shift. The page went like this, "Price check on register 3 for prophylactics." :spew: She didn't get into trouble because the man dropped the box and was out the door as soon as she said that on the PA.:roll: She had no idea what a prophylactic was. I was laughing my butt off when she told me this story. Hope nobody is drinking anything right now.:roll:

Irving Patrick Freleigh
09-12-2006, 03:29 AM
This didn't happen to me, but it could have.

At my store we used to pull some pretty good pranks on new employees. One time we paged a new employee to dial 5-0-134.

At our store, to make pages, you dial 5-0 and then start talking. So this girl did as we asked, dialed 5-0, and then everybody got to hear the touch-tones as she dialed 134.

We were nearby and we busted out laughing. Coworker realized she had been had, and said "Oh s-bomb!" She had not hung up yet, so everybody got to hear that too.:roll:

repsac
09-12-2006, 06:49 PM
working in customer service at Lowe's, I did some doozies. I think the worst, was picking up the phone to make an announcement and belching into the phone. It wasn't a quiet one either, but rather a long loud one. I think that announcement was something like "Hardware, please call BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP. uh.. click."


When I first started, I did a simple. "Oops." having dailed the wrong number. Though our SM did the best when he picked up the line to page someone on the floor. I think his page went:

Would Appliances please call 201? Appliance...ok, who farted? Wait. uh..yeah, appliances 201. (click)."

Sunsetsky
09-13-2006, 03:02 AM
I hate paging. I always say um after every other word. Once I was working the self checkouts and I had a customer ask me to page someone. While I was paging, I was watching another customer on one of the self checks. I can't remember what he was doing but I stopped talking for a moment and was about to tell him how to do whatever he was trying to do properly. It went something like this:

"Attention all walmart customers, will -customer's name- please meet your party at..................um.....................si..... ...............the....GM doors."

0oAmericanGirl
09-13-2006, 04:36 AM
I never goofed on the loud speaker, intentionally. I used to play around after work. Once I took a helium balloon and breathed in some and said "Come into the light Carolanne".

Once I called from the pay phone in the break room to the front desk and asked my not-so-bright co-worker to page Pat McCrotch, which she did.. :lol: :lol: :lol: The whole front end seemed to stop and we were all hanging out of the break room door watching. She never got it or figured out it was me!